Eating with Your Anorexic: How My Child Recovered Through Family-Based Treatment and Yours Can Too

by Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh

A source of hope and valuable information for parents of children with eating disorders. This poignant and informative narrative relates how one mother rescued her daughter from the "experts" and treated the girl's life-threatening anorexia using a controversial approach. Known as the Maudsley Approach, this home-based, family-centered therapy, developed in Great Britain in the 1980s, has been receiving a lot of press here over the past few years. While it has been widely used in Europe for many years and is rapidly gaining acceptance among parents and within the pediatric and child psychiatric communities in the United States, until now, there were no popular books on the subject. Must-reading for parents of children with eating disorders, Eating with Your Anorexic is:

- The first popular book on an increasingly popular approach to curing eating disorders

- A source of practical information and guidance for parents of children with eating disorders

- An eloquent narrative filled with pathos that inspires, empowers, and informs.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Psychology

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Eva Musby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading ‘ Eating with your Anorexic’, back in 2009 when my daughter was fast spiralling into anorexia, made me immensely grateful that family based treatment was increasingly available in the UK.

I bet thousands of parents owe a debt of gratitude to Laura Collins. She’s publicised Family-Based Treatment (also called The Maudsley Approach - not to be confused with "The New Maudsley" method!) through her account of her own journey with her daughter. Laura Collins writes a gripping and moving account of how she and her husband took control of their daughter’s recovery. I could identify with all her struggles, tears and determination – if you feel alone, read this and you’ll discover a kindred spirit. “Eating with your Anorexic” was in our mind all the time, serving as a model of what a parent can do.

Laura Collins has devoted herself to improving public understanding, treatment, and support for families in the eating disorder world. She writes that her hopeful plea is for better science and an end to blaming families and blaming patients for a treatable brain disease.

I particularly love how Laura Collins refused to take on the disempowering blame that professionals tried to put on her. She gathered evidence and produced a fascinating video of various experts answering the question, ‘Do parents cause eating disorders?’. My husband and I never had to fight any external blame, but every now again we’d torture ourselves with the ‘Why’s, and then we’d remember the video.

Thank you Laura Collins.

Laura Collins keeps a blog, Laura’s Soap Box http://www.laurassoapbox.net which is always informative and wise.

Note that this book is a memoir, not a how-to book.
For practical tips, see the amazing resources she created for parents at FEAST www.feast-ed.org, including an excellent online forum for parents called ‘Around the Dinner Table’. My own book and videos concentrate on practical and emotional tools.

Eva Musby (www.evamusby.co.uk)

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This wonderful book helped me focus on the need for me to help my daughter with her eating disorder. Collins does a great job of using her personal experience with the Maudsley method of treating anorexia nervosa to provide information and support to parents facing the same problem. Should be required reading for professionals who are stuck in the "family is at fault" mode of treating people with eating disorders.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book that really turns what you think you know about anorexia on its head. Makes the very good point that by the time families seek treatment for this disease, of COURSE they look dysfunctional because by that point, they've been driven frantic and crazy with worry over their teen's lack of eating. Dysfunctional family, therefore, is not always the CAUSE of anorexia, often it is "co-morbid" with anorexia, brought on by the disease and the feelings of helplessness that it brings.

I also liked this book because the author makes the very good point that doctors and therapists don't always know best, yet unfortunately many of them are not that good at admitting they are not omnipotent. The author of this book had to battle the "accepted wisdom" of how anorexic teens should be treated. I have great respect for her and for what she and her family accomplished.

[Emily Braaten · Rating 3 out of 5]

PROFESSIONAL READING: Despite working closely with clients with eating disorders, I can't quite imagine what it must be like to be the parent of a child struggling with anorexia nervosa. This raw memoir offers a glimpse into the fear and distress involved in taking care of a child is who sick but doesn't believe herself to be sick. The short vignettes make for a quick read but also seem to tirade endlessly against the medical establishment. The author is probably trying to say that NOT ALL eating disorders stem from trauma and family dysfunction; but the repetition and defensive writing style make it sound as though she's arguing that HARDLY ANY eating disorders stem from trauma and family dysfunction. Not sure if I agree, but it causing me to reexamine some of the assumptions we make in ED care.

[Kimberley · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read. It’s a bit dated since parents aren’t as much blamed as the cause of anorexia as when this was originally written. The world of inpatient treatment, however, still leaves the parents out of treatment in a BIG way. There should be more outpatient options with greater individual counseling available than I found looking for treatment options today.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book felt like talking to a friend, although if I had to go through what the author did to find support, I don't know that I could have held on. It's infuriating how simple (at face value) the main treatment for AN is - feed them. But at the same time, you need the support to do so, wherever the source of that support is. We tried to beg and plead before our initial encounter with a dietitian, to no avail. Once the dietitian helped with a plan, it has been less complicated (but still incredibly hard, as stupid as that sounds). I believe the dietitian got through to our child enough with that initial visit so that eating more was acceptable, but we certainly haven't been able to feed him like the author describes feeding her daughter (3000+ calories/day), although I assume we will get there. I cried so much at the spot of descriptions of the pain of loving and parenting someone suffering with AN. The timelines and cost descriptions are a bit gutting, as we're so early in the treatment and everything is self pay in our situation, but if we can have our child back to himself sooner rather than later, we will hold on and keep doing the hard things that he can't appreciate.

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't sure I was going to like this one at first -- the author seems angry -- but the way she / her daughter were treated by ED "professionals" gives cause for anger.

The rest of the book is a ground-breaking memoir -- the author was an early proponent / popularizer of family-based treatment for eating disorders. Plus, she's funny.

It covers some of the same ground as Brave Girl Eating, but Collins (pseudonym) / Lyster-Mensch (real name) did it first, and I found the repetition helpful to take in the new information about eating disorders. And of course the families have their own individual stories (though they do have a lot in common -- both agnostic, married with 2 kids, determined to pursue the best care for their daughters, and very smart).

Be sure to read the foreword to the first edition (placed at the end!) by Dr James Lock.

[Toni Skipalis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to hear this

My daughter recently fell into the dark pit of an ED. The maudsley approach (luckily) was one of the first sites I hit when searching the subject. This book read like my own personal story and it felt good to know I was not the only one dealing with the same types of things other families go thru during this time. If you are looking for direction, comfort, hope... read this book and read it as soon as you know you are dealing with an eating disorder situation.

[Zhuo Zhang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be on the bookshelf for every caretaker of their beloved ones who have ED. It is truly thought-provoking, sad yet with hope with the honest and clear narration of the struggles not only of the people who suffer ED but also the caretakers. The feeling of "You are not alone. We've been there and hang in there" has given me the strength and hope I desperate need. Thank you, Ms. Collins.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate the updated version and footnotes, and understand the original was written at an intense time which I can relate to. I do agree with some of her controversial thoughts, and feel inspired to keep going and validated I have listened to my gut and not many of the “medical professionals” whose “help” was doing more harm than good.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, informative and well-written. It was written in a different era of treatment, when FBT was a radical, relatively unknown (or hardly used) approach. It felt a bit like the gospel of FBT which, while transformative and effective, is also unbelievably difficult and messy. I would have liked a little bit more on this angle.

[Laura Long · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommend this for any parent wanting to learn more about eating disorders. This mother tells her story of struggling to find treatment for her daughter. She develops her own plan of feeding her child and then takes time to share her success.

[Vgathright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her writing style, honesty and humor. Was a lifeline when my daughter was hospitalized

[Rose Vanden Eynden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any parent who is struggling through the horror and fear of dealing with an anorexic child should read this book. The author makes a passionate and reasonable plea for families to stop blaming themselves for the issues their child is having. When my son was diagnosed with this dreadful disorder at the age of 12, I immediately went into self-blame mode. This book helped me to understand him better so that I could move out of shame and guilt and into a mindset where I could help him to heal. I did not use the same eating strategies as this author did, but I still highly recommend the book for anyone who is trying to understand the mind of an eating disordered person and who truly wants to help him or her heal.

[Charlotte Bevan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in a day and then again and again for inspiration during our struggle with our daughter's eating disorder. I was recommended the book by other parents on the Around the Dinner Table forum, where I went for help and advice and FEAST (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment www.feast-ed.org)

Collins writes beautifully and honestly about living with a child with an eating disorder and her struggle to get good treatment. Evidence based treatment protocols and how difficult it is to find a specialist eating disorder clinician who does not have their head buried somewhere in the 1980's.

This book was inspirational and certainly played a large part in the recovery of my beautiful daughter.

A must read for all parents of children with eating disorders

[Wendy Abel · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must-read for any parent of a child with an eating disorder. More than a memoir, this book gives much needed information for those in the early stages of treatment and finding providers as well as very personal struggles within this family. Maudsley Approach family based treatment has proven to be one of the best, most effective treatment methods for adolescents with eating disorders, and this author was a pioneer forging her own path in a vulnerable and inspiring way. I highly recommend this book, even for those not dealing with an eating disorder in their family, as it educates and builds sympathy for those around them who may be struggling and for the world of mental illness at large.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent synopsis of one family's struggle with anorexia. Laura Collins and her husband used the highly controversial Maudsley Method on their teenage daughter with success. Collins sites numerous studies in her work exploring the possibility that eating disorders are more biological than psychological. In other words, nutrition may well clear up most, if not all of the mental problems associated with the disease.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, witty, often lighthearted, and yet sharply biting commentary on what life is like for the parents/ caregivers of those suffer from medically critical eating disorders. A very helpful and supportive quick read that shines a spotlight on how disunified the scientific community really is around these disorders, and how challenging it is to find needed information and the right course of action.

[Maggie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is written by a mother of an anorexic and her struggle to find a therapy which would work for her daughter. The theory of the Maudsley Approach really seemed to make sense to me. Getting someone to start eating and working with the family seems so simple, but that's not the going theory for most therapists or programs, amazing.

[Sarah Wilcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for any parent who is wading into the unknown waters of Eating Disorders with their child or loved one. Laura brilliantly describes the insanity of current treatment modalities that many parents come face to face with. A heart felt journey and offers great tools to the weary, frightened parent.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book saved us from disaster and gave us the hope that our daughters eating disorder could be overcome. Highly recommended.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives you hope.

[Emily Schatz · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[E J]

DNF
I have a problem with the way that many parents speak about their anorexic kids as though anorexia is some demon to be exorcised, something that is entirely separate from the personality. I'm not gonna delve into it in a book review, but basically I think that with a disorder like AN it's naive to see it as something you can pull out by the roots, something that's totally separate, some passenger that's altering your child's underlying 'nice' personality. Mental illnesses like AN, in my understanding, have a neurological root that for many people makes it a life long engagement that can and does shape the personality.
I also found it frustrating that Lyster-Mensh didn't seem to understand why it might be helpful to show a child with anorexia the respect of their own therapy sessions with a right to privacy and all. The belief that your mental health team is there for you, in confidence, can be really important. Especially to kids who may otherwise feel like their autonomy is being swept away from them. I can understand wanting group therapy, and the frustration of being separated from your kid by professionals who seem to take a sick child's word over yours, but it turns my stomach to read an account so dismissive of the kid's lived reality.
Man, I dunno. I can see how this might be a lifeline for struggling parents but personally I found it frustrating to read. I can't seem to exactly put it into words, but it seemed to be setting up to be dismissive of children as individuals who may have different treatments needs. Dismissive of the history of dealing with kids with mental illnesses in a situation that meant the kid needed to be protected from the family to be or feel safe. Dismissive of the extremely high relapse rate (you see it in drug addicts and ED sufferers) when recovery is forced incorrectly. Entirely unable to accept that the parent's experience and point of view is not the whole story when it comes to EDs.
Maybe these issues are remedied throughout but I couldn't stick around to find out it was too frustrating!

[Noreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me and motivated me like no professional has to date. Thank you, Laura.