Somebody Else's Kids

by Torey L. Hayden

"Were all just somebody else's kids . . . "

A small seven-year-old boy who couldn't speak except to repeat weather forecasts and other people's words . . . A beautiful little girl of seven who had been brain damaged by terrible parental beatings and was so ashamed because she couldn't learn to read . . . A violently angry ten-year-old who had seen his stepmother murder his father and had been sent from one foster home to another . . . A shy twelve-year-old from a Catholic school which put her out when she became pregnant . . .

"What do we matter?"
"Why do you care?"

They were four problem children-put in Torey Hayden's class because no one else knew what to do with them. Together, with the help of a remarkable teacher who cared too much to ever give up, they became almost a family, able to give each other the love and understanding they had found nowhere else.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Education, Biography, Teaching, Biography Memoir

333 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1981

About the author

Victoria Lynn Hayden, known as Torey L. Hayden (born May 21, 1951 in Livingston, Montana) is a child psychologist, special education teacher, university lecturer and writer of non-fiction books based on her real-life experiences with teaching and counselling children with special needs.

Subjects covered in her books include autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome, and elective mutism (now called selective mutism), her specialty.

Hayden attended high school in Billings, Montana and graduated in 1969. She then attended Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington.

A little time after having written her most famous book One Child, Hayden moved to Wales in 1980 and got married to a Scot called Ken two years later. In 1985, she gave birth to her daughter Sheena. Hayden is now divorced.

She has also written three books of fiction in addition to her non-fiction books.

Reviews

[Nagisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured all works of Torey Hayden when I was a teenager and got horrified at the fact that there are some kids of the same age as me or younger who went through abuse or any other aggravated sort. Her books opened my eyes to the cruel side of the world and brought me outside of my comfort zone. And I just couldn't believe there are others who would shatter kids' hearts and lives, and the reality was just shocking to me. Yet, I was drawn to her story, cried and overjoyed with her and her kids in the story.
I had a chance of revisiting her world since a member of my book club chose this book for the next read. I don't remember how many times I cried till I finished the book. My love for the kids grew as Torey's did, and I hope they're now doing fine somewhere in the world.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read "One Child" by Hayden and immediately had to have more. I soon owned the rest of the series and blew through them as well. Hayden is a special-ed teacher who works with the troubled kids and completely turns their world around giving them hope and something to live for.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 STARS

An autistic boy who doesn’t speak. A girl brain damaged by abuse who can’t learn to read. A boy who saw his stepmother murder his father and brother. A pregnant twelve year old. Torey Hayden takes on these very different children hoping to help them learn and improve their lives.

Maybe I’m being too harsh in my review, rating SOMEBODY ELSE’S KIDS against today’s standards, but I had a hard time embracing Torey Hayden’s teachings as much as I did in ONE CHILD. Published almost 40 years ago, the events in SOMEBODY ELSE’S KIDS probably occurred a decade or more before that. I cringed when Hayden allowed eight year old Boo to disrobe and remain naked in class more than once and wondered why she kept one boy’s suicide plan secret. Another child expressed suicidal ideation and one who never did attempted suicide.

Hayden seems to believe she’s the only one who can help the kids, sometimes to the exclusion of their parents. She’s a patient, creative teacher able to reach the most troubled kids. I loved how she advocated for her students, wishing she could do so without alienating others in the school system. On an emotional level, I get it. My gut has wanted to overstep with clients on occasion, especially the needy ones who really needed a break. Decisions need to be made in the short and long term interest of the kids. Something the stress of immediate needs can overshadow good decision making. She did her best and I think most students probably benefited in the long run. We can’t help everyone, no matter how much we want to.

SOMEBODY ELSE’S KIDS is a good addition for Hayden’s fans.

[Yvonne]

This book was instrumental in securing my drive and determination to help children in some way, when I grew up. It was a remarkable look at teaching children with special needs, mostly behavioral and emotional needs. Her patience, her approach, her attitude, all of it made a huge impact on me, and I've carried many of her principles into the classroom today.

[Bekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I first read this book when I was about 10. I do know that Torey Hayden's books started me on my journey to become a special education teacher. Her descriptions of her students are compelling, sensitive and funny. I don't know if she would withstand the test of time--since many of her experiences were early in the history of publicly funded special education.

[Boilermkr88 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when I was in college, way back in the 80's. At the time I was studying to become a teacher and I wanted to soak up all the books about teaching that I could find. This is an excellent book for anyone who loves children and thinks the world is a better place with them in it!!!!

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed this book so much! Working at schools I've seen similarities in students. I could relate so much

[Annie H · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good!!!
If you are a teacher, you MUST read this!
If you are not a teacher, you MUST read this!

[Siri · Rating 4 out of 5]

all hayden books get 4 stars from me bc they changed my life when i was in high school and made me want to be a psychologist to help kids like she did. She is not meant to be a young adult writer.. I think her books are meant for adults, so don't think it's a kiddy book just cuz I read 'em in high school! I don't remember much about the writing (they are all written in first person) but the TRUE stories about the children who she has worked with are heartbreaking and inspiring. Haven't read one of her books in YEARS, BUT if you are interested in child/adolescent psychology, social work, special-ed, child abuse, or if you think YOU'VE had a bad day, READ THESE BOOKS.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading ONE CHILD and GHOST GIRL, I went back to the bookstore to pick up all the rest of Torey L. Hayden's books. Her style of writing is so easy and engaging. The characters in her stories are powerful and you are drawn to them all. None of the characters have one side to them, Hayden lets us see that everyone has good and bad. She is a truly gifted teacher and writer, and I am sure her works have sent many a young person in the direction of helping troubled youths and children. I know that I have lent my set of books to my young friend who has since gone on to do child welfare in Inuvik, they affected her totally and completely, as they did myself.

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest, raw, and gripping true story of a special education teacher who cares more about her students than anything else in the world. This is a deeply encouraging story although heartbreaking and somewhat abrasive in its authentic presentation. Oddly enough, there is an underlying sexual theme running throughout the story as well--I'm not really sure how to word or explain that well enough for it to make sense. That is something you'll have to read to understand. I recommend this book to all teachers. It was well worth my time.

[Beverley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a teen many times over and then re-read it as a young adult. It opened up my eyes on the different issues that my peers were dealing with (when I read it as a teen) and I was drawn in by the teacher (Torey L. Hayden) who never gave up on the children. It resonated with me and now, all these years later, I have worked many years in the field doing similar work. I find the book raw, truthful and inspirational. Well written and highly recommended.

[Hannah Almond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book by Torey that I've read now. After reading 'Ghost Girl' I found myself eager to read Hayden's other offerings. I actually stumbled across her books quite by chance after I had finished reading all of Cathy Glass & Casey Watson's books & was desperately searching trying to find something similar to fill the empty void they had left in their wake. (So, if you’re a fan of either of these two authors you'll enjoy Torey's books immensely) Each time I've started on one of Torey's books I've got so completely wrapped up in it, that sleep evades me until I've finished the very last page. She has such an ability to draw the reader in.

I really connected with the book & each of the children Torey so well describes in it. She does an amazing job at describing the absolute beauty that each of her students possess! The abundance of love, care & affection that Torey dedicates to each & every one of them (whether they deserve it or not) shines so so clearly throughout the pages. No matter how hard some *like Tomaso* try to make themselves repugnant

This is a book that will definitely make you cry, but it will also help lift your spirits. I was captivated by Torey's easy style of writing. I shared her & her classes’ anger, frustration & joy throughout the pages.

I was so drawn to Torey's odd little class, that after finishing the epilogue I found myself wondering how Boo, Lori, Tomaso & Claudia were all doing now

So, after a little search (thank god for google), I found Torey's website and subsequently a little catch up on how they're all getting on. (I've added this link just in case anyone's interested)

I also found this picture of a bluebird that Lori drew for Torey in the book

 

[Lupi_19 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Somebody Else's Kids is a nonfiction book. I believe the reason she wrote this book was to tell her story or to inform people the fact that there are people with needs who need better classes available for them or just someone to lend them a hand. Regardless of which of those was her point I believe she achieved them. I really enjoyed this books story and I really enjoyed the fact that in her story she did not give up on them at all. She tried to help each of those students. There wasn't really anything bad with this book. One of my favorite quotes was "I had not found resource teaching particularly fulfilling. I had missed the contained-classroom setting. I missed not having my own group of children. But by far the most, I missed the eerie joy I always felt working with the emotionally disturbed." ( Page 11, Hayden). I do recommend this book to people. It is very inspiring in a way and I think everyone should read Haydens story.

[Susan Bazzett-Griffith · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of Hayden's earlier books, and perhaps if I hadn't read several of her other books beforehand I would have scored it higher, but ultimately, her voice in this book, moreso than some of her others, grated on me. She is very self-congratulatory and though you can tell she cares about her students, she seems a bit arrogant about her own abilities throughout the story. The case studies are varied and interesting in her classroom, but I wish there had been more descriptions and details about their backgrounds and parents than was given by Hayden. Also, because it was written so many decades ago, it was hard to read about how nobody knew how to work with the autistic child, and that the "regular" teacher was so awful toward the brain damaged girl. None of that would fly in today's culture. Two stars.

[Maria Elmvang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely devastating, just like all her other books, and equally as readable. Torey Hayden really knows how to write a relateable story. The odd thing is that I don't think I'd like her books much if they were fiction... too much emotional manipulation, too little resolution, but because they are memoirs they couldn't be any different.

That doesn't mean I don't still shake my head at some of Torey's actions and decisions at times though. But I'm impressed that she relates her failures and mistakes as consistently as her successes.

Her books are all very similar though, so after having read these 4 or 5 books by her, I think I'm done. They make for engaging reading, but they're formulaic.

[Phillipa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Torey Hayden's books seem to bring out the same reaction to me, every time (okay, so this is only the second, but I'm noticing a trend). The stories are well written and captivate you, but the end result generally fails to deliver because these are true stories. At least this one had a little more of an ending than the previous one I read. I think the scariest sub-story for me in this book was the pregnant twelve-year old. And it wasn't due to sexual abuse, she'd had sex. At 12. That's frightening and scarily is not unheard of these days! So sad ... I think of my cousins who turned 12 last year and I seriously just can not imagine how someone the same age these sweet, still mostly innocent children could end up like that ?! Blows my mind and scares me to death.

[Emma Spurr · Rating 2 out of 5]

I usually really enjoy reading this author as she writes memoirs about her experiences as a special educator. This book was published in 1981 and while I did enjoy parts of it, much of it felt very dated and left a bad taste in my mouth. It definitely goes to show the great strides the field of special education has made

[Kathryn]

I want to read this. Going to put it on hold at the library.

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one definitely made me cry!

[Sage · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my all-time favorites. I've read it numerous times since discovering it in college. One of the books that helped move me into studying sociology.

[Morgan Cockerham · Rating 5 out of 5]

raw. great book for future teachers.

[Autumn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I loved these children so much, and the author Torey Hayden is a world-class educator. She's real and raw and I love her all the more for it. It's a bit dated in its language, but the story is unfortunately similar to our world today.

[Brittny Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this is not a children's book, Torey Hayden (the author) does a great way of telling stories that help inspire you to never give up on anything. Torey Hayden as written countless amounts of books about students she has worked with that have special needs. Throughout this story in particular, she deals with multiple students who all have different disabilities and it shows her story of how she gets through everyday trying to make a difference. There are heartbreaking stories, but there are great outcomes you can learn from this book as well as possible strategies you can use on your students whether or not they have a special disability or not.

[Rainbowgardener · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Torey Hayden and her books. They are basically memoirs of her life as a special ed teacher with severely emotionally/ behaviorally handicapped kids. They are warm and wonderful tributes to the power of loving acceptance to heal even such damaged children. This one isn't quite as powerful as One Child, which makes me cry every time I read it. In this one her difficulties with authority figures, inability to stand up and defend herself and the kids she cares for are more clear and flaw the work a bit.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subject matter of Torey Hayden books and the way she writes makes me turn pages. In fact, it makes me read her books nonstop to the exclusion of anything else I'm reading. In this case, I think she missed some opportunities to help these children. She admits herself that her inability to argue with others is a great failing. In this case I think it made some differences. That said, she cares a great deal about the special needs children she teaches and tries every way possible to help them reach their highest goals. If only every teacher were as caring, driven, and talented.

[Natalie Martinez · Rating 4 out of 5]

It seems that Hayden has a lot to say about her past children. In a way it's good she's writing these.... With these books I feel like I have more of a family of understanding so to speak. Still I wonder...I definetly enjoyed it. It let me feel a little normal considering the kisd involved. I loved the Epilogue (No I won't spoil it). I felt like I was beginning to know these children on an indiviual level. This was the only one of her books that left me with a "good feeling" afterwards though. She writes in such a way as to touch the heart

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I included the "american history" tag for this book because a good amount of the book details how America at large used to view students with special needs. Honestly, I feel like an alternate title to this book could be "Torey Hayden and the Mean, Ignorant, Tactless Professionals." On a more serious note, though, I know how true some of these depictions were because I see how some people still are today. I myself teach students with special needs, and the attitudes of some people toward those with "invisible" disabilities can be really disheartening.

[~ laura ~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, this book is good! I'm not sure where I got the recommendation, but I have immense gratitude for finding this author. The stories she tells of the special needs kids she teaches are ripe with detail - you can't help but become invested in the lives of these kids. I shed a few tears throughout the book as these kids with deficient life skills tried to navigate life. She's a miracle worker, that's for sure, and is in the right profession.

I'm told this isn't even the best of her books. She's written a dozen or so, and I plan to read a few more for sure.

[Rebecca Haslam · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's been a while since I've read one of Torey's books and I have to admit that I've missed them. However, with that said, I struggled to get through this book as quickly as I had hoped to - I usually devour them in one sitting, but that is ultimately no fault of the writing. It is instead because the writing is good that it took me so long. Torey has long since been able to make me empathise with those she writes about and this book was no different - I just think she has however written better.