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If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married
Jenna McCarthy presents an uproarious but insightful peek behind the curtains at the unholy state of matrimony. With ballsy wit and bawdy humor, she explores everything from male domestic idiocy and the frustrating misfires in spousal communication to how to stay true to the peskiest of vows: forsaking all others. Part in-your-face guide, part brutal confession, this book is a must-read manifesto on surviving marriage in an age when everyone seems to live forever and getting a divorce is as easy as ordering a latte.
295 pages, Paperback
First published October 4, 2011
44 people are currently reading
522 people want to read
About the author
Jenna McCarthy
34 books123 followersI’ve been writing for a long time.
I submitted my first short story to Highlights magazine in 1977.
I never got a reply.
In high school I wrote a lot of really bad poetry. Mercifully, I didn’t save any of it.
The first thing I ever had published was an essay in my college newspaper. The typesetter misspelled the word "sing" as "sign" in the last line and the whole thing made no sense whatsoever.
After graduation I got a job writing copy for a big advertising agency. I would have stayed there forever if I hadn’t gotten laid off on my twenty-fifth birthday. I grabbed a stapler and some sticky notes before I was escorted out of the building by a police officer.
I started writing fabulous articles and submitting them to all of the Fancy New York City Magazines (FNYCMs). None of them were ever published, although I did get one really nice, hand-written rejection letter.
One day, a FNYCM Editor offered me a job. I was so excited that I took it without knowing the salary. A few years later, I moved to another FNYCM. And then another. Dozens more asked me to write articles in exchange for actual money. I moved to California, wrote a book, had some babies, and wrote several more books. I gave a TED talk, flipped a house on TV and learned how to play tennis. Right now I’m trying to give up processed food and teach myself how to write a screenplay. At the same time. It’s not easy.
Someday I’d like to start a petition to have the words mauve and moist removed from the English language.
I don’t like to brag, but I’m the luckiest person I know. I’m married to my best friend, I work in my pajamas and I have two beautiful, healthy, hilarious daughters. I like cats and sparkly things and laughing until my sides hurt. And hats. I really like hats.
Oh, and I’m not Jenny McCarthy. But you knew that, right?
I submitted my first short story to Highlights magazine in 1977.
I never got a reply.
In high school I wrote a lot of really bad poetry. Mercifully, I didn’t save any of it.
The first thing I ever had published was an essay in my college newspaper. The typesetter misspelled the word "sing" as "sign" in the last line and the whole thing made no sense whatsoever.
After graduation I got a job writing copy for a big advertising agency. I would have stayed there forever if I hadn’t gotten laid off on my twenty-fifth birthday. I grabbed a stapler and some sticky notes before I was escorted out of the building by a police officer.
I started writing fabulous articles and submitting them to all of the Fancy New York City Magazines (FNYCMs). None of them were ever published, although I did get one really nice, hand-written rejection letter.
One day, a FNYCM Editor offered me a job. I was so excited that I took it without knowing the salary. A few years later, I moved to another FNYCM. And then another. Dozens more asked me to write articles in exchange for actual money. I moved to California, wrote a book, had some babies, and wrote several more books. I gave a TED talk, flipped a house on TV and learned how to play tennis. Right now I’m trying to give up processed food and teach myself how to write a screenplay. At the same time. It’s not easy.
Someday I’d like to start a petition to have the words mauve and moist removed from the English language.
I don’t like to brag, but I’m the luckiest person I know. I’m married to my best friend, I work in my pajamas and I have two beautiful, healthy, hilarious daughters. I like cats and sparkly things and laughing until my sides hurt. And hats. I really like hats.
Oh, and I’m not Jenny McCarthy. But you knew that, right?
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
April 1, 2014
If you want to listen to a spoiled, shallow, materialistic woman with OCD drone on about her first world problems and how the little annoying things her husband does (and that husbands of equally privileged, yet ungrateful women do) are the bane of her existence, then you should buy this book. I wish I could sell you my copy, unfortunately, it's digital. If I could return this book, I would in a heartbeat.
October 14, 2013
I got through the first 3 chapters of this book, and decided to start browsing. I have been married for over 4 years, living with the same man for 7 years now. I know how frustrating men can be, but this book just made me feel bad for men. Women bitch this much, seriously? I know I complain about things, but good grief! There was such an undertone of disrespect for these men who chose to marry these women, and I hate that. If you don't respect someone, don't marry them! Also, I wasn't a fan of Jenna's money/lifestyle scenarios (I want a Pottery Barn chaise lounge, I can buy a new car whenever I want to!)... It just didn't speak to me in general. Some of the stories from other women gave me a good chuckle, and Jenna is very sarcastic which I like. I just couldn't get into the man-bashing.
October 25, 2011
I don't even know where to start. I swear that Jenna had me followed before writing this book. If you subtract out the part where Joe is a great handyman and can fix/remodel things, you have my husband. I laughed so hard that I almost had to invest in poise pads. I had to stop and reread things to my husband (usually giggling uncontrollably the whole time) just because they were completely him. I could not believe that God made more than one of these men out there. From sleeping with the train to the big baby he is when he is sick to "show me your boobs" to camping (which I DO NOT do), I couldn't stop nodding in agreement and laughing. The additions from other wives were priceless as well. I had no idea that someone else's husband picks at the dry skin on their feet (seriously dude go to the doctor or at least get pedicure) to wanting to cancel their World of Warcraft accounts. Everyone needs to read this book!! If you can't relate, then I want your husband.
September 5, 2012
I don't like the expression "white whine" but Jenna McCarthy exceeds that in this book. When she started complaining about having to use the same bathroom as her husband (OMG boys poop and smell!), I knew I wouldn't be able to finish this book. The whole thing reeks of upper-middle class white privilege and selfishness.
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October 29, 2021I started out really loving this book. However, at about chapter 2, I wanted to bail. I kept with it only because I refused to quit. I wanted to say to some of the women in the book, "shut the fuck up."
I marveled too because I've been married 5 years and couldn't give a fig what my hubs thinks about when he lays on the couch. None of my business just like I don't want to explain it to him what I think about. I also don't feel the need to analyze both our days and find gossip stupid with or without a man in the room.
I just couldn't relate to her incessant need to nag or constantly talk to her husband. Some days, my goal is to have as much silence as possible.
And that 3 page blurb from "Cecilia" to her husband about this week, next week or week after...seriously, I wanted to punch that woman in the face.
By the end of the book, I wanted to point out that some of these women were concerned about nipple flicking and nose picking while some women out there get beat every day. Shut up. Just shut up already.
I marveled too because I've been married 5 years and couldn't give a fig what my hubs thinks about when he lays on the couch. None of my business just like I don't want to explain it to him what I think about. I also don't feel the need to analyze both our days and find gossip stupid with or without a man in the room.
I just couldn't relate to her incessant need to nag or constantly talk to her husband. Some days, my goal is to have as much silence as possible.
And that 3 page blurb from "Cecilia" to her husband about this week, next week or week after...seriously, I wanted to punch that woman in the face.
By the end of the book, I wanted to point out that some of these women were concerned about nipple flicking and nose picking while some women out there get beat every day. Shut up. Just shut up already.
June 19, 2019
Well I must start by saying this is not a book for me. 1.) I am a happily married women with saying that we have been through some stuff and we are now on the path of pure happiness. 2.) I don't want to read a book about someone complaining about marriage. 3.) I know that I have a great man and do not need this book to tell me how the grass may not be greener. 4.) The book doesn't make me laugh the whole point in picking out this book was the title and it failed.
I think that if you are having trouble in a relationship and maybe need to hear from someone else that it could be worst this is the book for you. This book is more like she talking to you as a girlfriend sipping on some wine, only she is the one talking and you can merely just agree if it happens to you.
I think this book is just someone who wanted to make million writing a book that has nothing but moaning and groaning and millions get sucked in to reading this because they think this book will bring enlightenment.
ALL IT IS; IS PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR HUSBANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that if you are having trouble in a relationship and maybe need to hear from someone else that it could be worst this is the book for you. This book is more like she talking to you as a girlfriend sipping on some wine, only she is the one talking and you can merely just agree if it happens to you.
I think this book is just someone who wanted to make million writing a book that has nothing but moaning and groaning and millions get sucked in to reading this because they think this book will bring enlightenment.
ALL IT IS; IS PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR HUSBANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 22, 2012
I will admit, when I skimmed this title on the "Last Chance" rack at my local B&N I initially thought that the author would prove to be as entertaining as it's cover suggests. I, fellow humans, was very mistaken. This book is the very definition of awful. The first two chapters were great. It's too bad every single chapter after that just gets progressively worse and worse and not to mention - PREACHY
The author, Jenna McCarthy, spends the majority of each chapter letting you know how stupid and mindless she claims her husband, and everyone else's as well, truly is.. And unsurprisingly, how brilliant and strategical she herself is. I feel for her husband, something awful. Because I would have suffocated this bitch in her sleep by this point if I were him. Basically this book can be summed up into one; two syllable word - AWFUL. It's honestly not even worth the ONE star that I was unfortunately forced to give it. Oh, and did I mention that all the other FOUR and FIVE star reviews are mainly from 40 year old married women? I have one word for all you - DIVORCE.
Thank God it was only $3.99.
The author, Jenna McCarthy, spends the majority of each chapter letting you know how stupid and mindless she claims her husband, and everyone else's as well, truly is.. And unsurprisingly, how brilliant and strategical she herself is. I feel for her husband, something awful. Because I would have suffocated this bitch in her sleep by this point if I were him. Basically this book can be summed up into one; two syllable word - AWFUL. It's honestly not even worth the ONE star that I was unfortunately forced to give it. Oh, and did I mention that all the other FOUR and FIVE star reviews are mainly from 40 year old married women? I have one word for all you - DIVORCE.
Thank God it was only $3.99.
December 22, 2011
So funny. My husband didn't perfectly align with every chapter, but oh boy, there were enough that I felt like I was dishing with girlfriends. She doesn't offer any groundbreaking advice on how to make your marriage/relationship better, but she does dish the fights, annoyances, and frustrations of her own marriage in a rather conversational, hilarious, manner. It was nice to know that I'm not the only woman out there frustrated with this, or that - while still loving their husband dearly.
October 31, 2013
A laugh-out-loud account of what it's like to live with your other half and supress the urge not kill each other over the most ridiculous things in life. Even if you aren't married, you can relate to many of these stories. It's refreshing to read about Jenna and her husband slinging hilarious exchanges that are common occurrences in every household. It's part of a "normal, healthy relationship" to want to smash your partner with a bag of ice in the face every now-and-then or fight over the temperature in the bedroom every night. I love the author's description of the subtle kick under the table becoming a well known event and the "famous last words" by her husband. Read it, Read it, Read it!!!!
September 28, 2016
A hysterical look at married life from the honest Jenna McCarthy. There are so many things that so many women will be able to relate to - from Man Flu to shopping habits. Sure, it comes across a bit stereotypical and snarky, but it's real life and I found it super entertaining.
Her husband has an end note, but I really wish he would write his own version of this book - that would be amazing. McCarthy comes across as a bit neurotic and crazy sometimes (this is the first I've ready of hers) but I think she just lets herself hang out for what it is - she has no problem admitting what her faults are (in addition to her husbands).
A fabulous, fun, and unforgettable read.
Her husband has an end note, but I really wish he would write his own version of this book - that would be amazing. McCarthy comes across as a bit neurotic and crazy sometimes (this is the first I've ready of hers) but I think she just lets herself hang out for what it is - she has no problem admitting what her faults are (in addition to her husbands).
A fabulous, fun, and unforgettable read.
January 23, 2012
This woman is absolutely hilarious. She is vulgar at times, perhaps a little too vulgar for my taste, but I would still recommend this book to most people. She has a way of making your relational frustrations seem completely normal and I like that she's down to earth in that way. She won't lie to you, that's for sure.
Possibly my favorite quote from the entire book: "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Possibly my favorite quote from the entire book: "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
September 2, 2015
this was a great read! there was so much that i related to and so many times that i wanted to read whole chapters to my husband or my friends. i absolutely loved reading this and really want to send copies to my friends. there wasn't really any advice other than to be happy with the quirks that you married bc it could be worse and that all of these little things are worth getting past. i highly recommend this to any wife and maybe even a few husbands!
June 20, 2017
Loved it. I was laughing out loud on a plane full of people sleeping on the way to Rome. I swear the people around me wanted to shoot me. I just couldn't help myself. The sick husband is the best ever! I can relate, but it also made me love my hubby even more. Of course the trip to Rome helped as well....
October 19, 2011
I think all of us are married to someone that fits one (if not all) of the descriptions in this book. Jenna takes a humorous approach to marriage and it's definitely a must read if you are married. If you're not married yet, don't read it, live in the bliss on honeymoon time a little while longer ;)
November 15, 2011
it was pretty refreshing to read a book about crazy husbands that also acknowledges the role that wives play in the craziness. so many times i thought to myself "holy moly, they're ALL like that!" the at least you're not married to him sections were quite eye-opening.
i'll take the quirk i married thank you very much! : )
i'll take the quirk i married thank you very much! : )
August 2, 2012
Laugh out loud funny! I enjoyed reading this and had to stop and read to my husband some of the passages. He always responded, "That's about right. So?" I could really identify with this book. I especially liked the 'at least your not married to him' reflections sprinkled throughout that were provided from responses to her blog.
November 5, 2011
I think the author may have interviewed my husband for some of her anecdotes. Seriously funny and scarily accurate.
October 19, 2011
Love,Love,Loved it! Laughed all the way through!
October 6, 2011
This is one of the funniest books I have ever read! It made me thankful for my imperfect husband!
November 3, 2011
All I have to say is this book is HILARIOUS! Any married woman would relate to every part of this book! Highly recommend!
November 19, 2011
It's like she knows everything about my marriage! It's like chatting with your best friend about that hunk of a man you call your own :)
November 26, 2011
Not finished yet cannot stop laughing and reading it!! Hilarious and a perfect insight to most relationships!!
April 1, 2013
This book was hilarious!!! A nice reminder that we are not alone ladies! ; )
October 15, 2013
I wonder what the woman on the cover is cooking? SO many questions. Can't wait to read this!
August 26, 2014
Between the author's stories and the 'you'd think this was an exaggeration but I can TOTALLY BELIEVE IT' anecdotes from poor suffering women everywhere, I nearly split a rib laughing at this book. I found myself relating to practically every part, especially this one:
THIS IS MY HUSBAND. IT IS ALSO MY FATHER IN LAW. Apparently the author has been stalking me and spying on my house, because it is almost verbatim something my father in law has said.
Read this if you want a laugh.. . and to feel better about that quirky, crazy, pain in the ass you are dating/married/can't get rid of.
This may come as a shock to you, but it is universally accepted (by most people with penises at least)), so you might as well get used to it: Once a man has pressed the power button on the TV, he is officially "watching it," for all of eternity or until he manually turns it off himself, whichever comes last. (Power outages don't "count" as an active act of disengagement, either. Just so you know.) You might think because he is fast asleep, has gotten into the shower, or just boarded a plane for a two-week business trip on another continent that you might then be free to change the channel or - if you're feeling really ballsy - turn the thing off entirely, but you'd be wrong.
"Did you turn off the TV?" he'll ask in a terrifying Hannibal Lecter voice.
"Well, um, yeah, I did-" you'll stammer, confused.
"I was watching that!" he'll roar from the puddle of drool/steamy bathroom/faraway tarmac, frightening the bejesus out of you because you'd have bet your last dollar that you were well within your legal/marital television operating rights when you assumed control. Do not even try to rationalize with him by pointing out that he was unconscious or in a different time zone, because the conversation will turn preschool on your ass before you can say Hanna-Barbera.
"Honey, you were not watching that," you'll say with a small chuckle, as if you are both mature adults who can laugh and admit when they are being patently ridiculous.
"Was too!" he'll bellow, huffing and planting his hands on his hips dramatically. (You won't be able to see this over the phone, but trust me - he's doing it.)
"Were not," you'll say incredulously. Well, he wasn't!
"Was to-oooooo!" he'll shout, eyes closed and index fingers stuck in his ears. To answer your unspoken questions: Yes, you married him and no, it's not worth divorcing him over unless you want to stay single and celibate forever, because eventually you would have this exact conversation with every other man on the planet.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND. IT IS ALSO MY FATHER IN LAW. Apparently the author has been stalking me and spying on my house, because it is almost verbatim something my father in law has said.
Read this if you want a laugh.. . and to feel better about that quirky, crazy, pain in the ass you are dating/married/can't get rid of.
February 3, 2013
I picked this up based solely on the cover and title... and the fact that I needed a little humor in my life when I saw this. Oh, and that I was slightly aggravated with my significant other. Those are the reasons.
Did I like it? Yeah. I did. I did laugh out loud more than a handful of times and I did actually feel like I was talking with/listening to a girlfriend.
But... I also thought it was a tad long. That might have been more me wanting to move on to something else but either way it's definitely a good book full of laughs.
I'd like to congratulate the one man (of the two reviews I've read by men) who was able to see the humor in this. The other one? The one who is clearly a severe stick in the mud? For the record, I'm 34 - not over 40 - and I love my man very, very much. But yes, he annoys the HELL out of me sometimes. And I annoy the hell out of him.
The fact that we're able to laugh about this - and you're not - speaks volumes. You may feel sympathy for McCarthy's husband but I feel sorry for any woman that marries you. I can't imagine living day by day with someone lacking so severely a sense of humor.
Back to the book, it's worth checking out if the title and cover grab you. If one or both (probably both) do catch your attention you'll probably be pleased with the stories inside.
Most of the "At Least You're Not Married To Him" were pretty funny and relatable in a lot of instances even but a few could have been left out.
I'll probably try to check out the other one if hers that caught my eye, I forget the title but something to do with toddlers.
Did I like it? Yeah. I did. I did laugh out loud more than a handful of times and I did actually feel like I was talking with/listening to a girlfriend.
But... I also thought it was a tad long. That might have been more me wanting to move on to something else but either way it's definitely a good book full of laughs.
I'd like to congratulate the one man (of the two reviews I've read by men) who was able to see the humor in this. The other one? The one who is clearly a severe stick in the mud? For the record, I'm 34 - not over 40 - and I love my man very, very much. But yes, he annoys the HELL out of me sometimes. And I annoy the hell out of him.
The fact that we're able to laugh about this - and you're not - speaks volumes. You may feel sympathy for McCarthy's husband but I feel sorry for any woman that marries you. I can't imagine living day by day with someone lacking so severely a sense of humor.
Back to the book, it's worth checking out if the title and cover grab you. If one or both (probably both) do catch your attention you'll probably be pleased with the stories inside.
Most of the "At Least You're Not Married To Him" were pretty funny and relatable in a lot of instances even but a few could have been left out.
I'll probably try to check out the other one if hers that caught my eye, I forget the title but something to do with toddlers.
May 25, 2014
While this book was admittedly entertaining at points (I could totally relate to the "He can't help it, he's a guy" section), I was completely distracted by the horribly foul language. She admits to "swearing like a sailor", and I'm in no way an easily offended person, but the constant use of the "F" word, and belittling was beyond annoying.
The whole time I was reading, I just kept thinking "thank heavens I'm not married to HER!"
Even the afterward at the end did nothing to curb my dislike for this seemingly horrible person. I was in no way endeared to her, and thought she just came off as the most selfish woman I could ever fear coming in contact with.
I realize that most things were probably said in jest, and that there were more than a few "jennaisms" included, but she just came off as WHINEY! Can't believe I spent money on this book.
Let's not forget the many "at least you're not married to him" treats. It's like they raided an angry wife convention, and found the most bitter women in attendance to air their grievances. The WORST one had to be the woman that complained that her husband eats the same thing for lunch EVERY DAY. I mean...seriously?!?! THIS is what we're going to take time to bellyache about?!?! How petty can you be?! She doesn't even say that she has to MAKE said lunch every day. Why the heck should she care to passionately about what HE has for lunch?!?!
On the bright side, at least now I know I can mark all other Jenna McCarthy books off my to be read list. :)
The whole time I was reading, I just kept thinking "thank heavens I'm not married to HER!"
Even the afterward at the end did nothing to curb my dislike for this seemingly horrible person. I was in no way endeared to her, and thought she just came off as the most selfish woman I could ever fear coming in contact with.
I realize that most things were probably said in jest, and that there were more than a few "jennaisms" included, but she just came off as WHINEY! Can't believe I spent money on this book.
Let's not forget the many "at least you're not married to him" treats. It's like they raided an angry wife convention, and found the most bitter women in attendance to air their grievances. The WORST one had to be the woman that complained that her husband eats the same thing for lunch EVERY DAY. I mean...seriously?!?! THIS is what we're going to take time to bellyache about?!?! How petty can you be?! She doesn't even say that she has to MAKE said lunch every day. Why the heck should she care to passionately about what HE has for lunch?!?!
On the bright side, at least now I know I can mark all other Jenna McCarthy books off my to be read list. :)
October 3, 2013
I’m not married nor do I know who Jenna McCarthy is. This thing that she has written about the trials and tribulations of wedded bliss (hell), however, is hilarious. She nails it spot on when she says, “[F]undamentally…the marital minutiae we fight about has nothing whatsoever to do with money or messed-up hair or all of the rotting produce on the planet. We’re not really that bothered by the stinky socks on top of the hamper lid or the sound of back to back episodes of Throwdown Fishing constantly droning in the background of our lives. If these insults were perpetrated by, say, the best friend we hadn’t seen in a year or a beloved, dying relative, we’d either not notice them in the first place or at least find a way to overlook them. The problem isn’t him, and it’s not you. The problem is attempting to live in excruciating proximity with another full-size person who can’t read your mind and also isn’t a carbon copy of you.” (from the Introduction, pp. xiii-xiv) Read on to hear about how she and Joe and countless other couples are driving one another positively batty. You’ll feel better about YOUR marriage/relationship/situation. Probably.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 12, 2013
HILARIOUS!!! Our book club thought that we were getting a JennY McCarthy book, but this was a happy surprise.
It's almost eerie how many conversations, fights, quirks, my husband and I have had that are almost identical to the ones Jenna M. shares.
She is candid and endearing. You can tell she adores her husband, but has a way describing the madness of marriage in a fun and relate-able way.
She does drop the f-bomb a lot, so fair warning if that would be a bother.
One of my favorite quotes from the book:
Because when a runny nose is attached to a body that doesn't also have a uterus, I think it's safe to say the world is going to hear about it.
Chapter 6
Great, fun, and easy read.
It's almost eerie how many conversations, fights, quirks, my husband and I have had that are almost identical to the ones Jenna M. shares.
She is candid and endearing. You can tell she adores her husband, but has a way describing the madness of marriage in a fun and relate-able way.
She does drop the f-bomb a lot, so fair warning if that would be a bother.
One of my favorite quotes from the book:
Because when a runny nose is attached to a body that doesn't also have a uterus, I think it's safe to say the world is going to hear about it.
Chapter 6
Great, fun, and easy read.
March 2, 2012
I read this because a Monte Vista mom wrote it and it sounded funny. Dave isn't the stereotypical male. He doesn't even watch television, but there were definitely some relevant parts and it was pretty funny reading the excerpts from other women about their husbands irritating behaviors. The author was very candid about herself and her life, which I appreciate. There were a few parts that made me laugh out loud and it's kind of therapeutic knowing you aren't the only one who is irritated by aspects of your husband's personality and behavior and just the overall acknowledgement of the challenges and conflict (based on differences) experienced living with someone you love.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews