Call Me Evil, Let Me Go: A Mother's Struggle to Save Her Children from a Brutal Religious Cult

by Sarah Jones

Sarah had lived in fear for over a decade. Humiliated, ostracised and brainwashed, her spirit had been crushed. But as the realisation of what she was subjecting her children to began to sink in, she found new strength and determination -- the strength to try to escape the world that had consumed her for so long. Sarah was never a troublesome child. She smoked and drank a bit when she was underage, and shoplifted once, but she was generally well-behaved and didn't mean to upset her mum and dad. But Sarah's parents had seen first hand what could happen when a teenager went off the rails. Scared the same would happen to Sarah, they sent her away, many miles from home, to a church school that would put a stop to her bad behaviour. They had no idea they were sending Sarah to a place where she would be forced into obedience -- a place that sanctioned force-feeding and beating in order to smash a child's will. They had no idea she would end up marrying a boy from the cult, and cutting the rest of her family out of her life. Or that she would begin to treat her own children in the same way -- believing there was no other option, and that everyone in the outside world was evil. But she did. And the day they sent Sarah away to the little church school miles from home was the last time they saw their real daughter for over a decade. Until one day when Sarah found the courage to fight back, the strength to protect her children and bravely venture into the world she believed was full of evil. This is Sarah's story -- the shocking but ultimately inspiring true story of her struggle to save her children from the suffering she was forced to endure.

Genres: Nonfiction, Cults, Biography, Memoir, Religion, Cult Classics, Biography Memoir

310 pages, Paperback

First published May 24, 2011

Reviews

[Graham Knight · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really engaging read - I couldn't put it down. It was a terrifying insight into the way an authoritarian leader can gradually demand more and more from you, until, before you realise it, you are no longer an independent agent.
I had never considered the idea of a church - in this case a charismatic church in the UK - being a cult. I had always thought a belief system was a cult. So I learnt that cults operate within belief systems. It linked me to further resources after my appetite had been whetted for further research.
The pastor in question has apparently disappeared as I would love to know what he is doing now after his 'fall from grace'. The author has a brave story to tell and it deserves to be heard.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a book about Sarah,a somewhat rebellious teenager, who her parents sent to a Charismatic church school. She became a person unable to make a decision,terrfied of her church leader, Ian Black, and afraid she would be struck dead if she left this religious cult.
It is the story of how with the support of people trained to help others escape cults, she was able to escape with her children.
It was eye opening to see how manipulated one can become when involved in a so called "relegion" like this.
What people do in the name of God is sometimes horrific.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 3 out of 5]

When Sarah was a teenager her family became christian, and after dealing with a mentally disturbed child (Sarah's brother) they felt it was a good decision in leaving her with a religious group. The group promised that they would save Sarah from going to Hell, and change her wayward teenage ways. And so what was suppose to be a short visit to Ian Black's church turned in the minds of Sarah, and her parents into a life changing event for them all.

Sarah describes how she at first fought for her freedom from this group until eventually she was like putty in their hands. She conformed, and eventually adopted the belief of the group her parents left her in. Having total control of Sarah Ian Black refused to allow her to continue her education telling he she wasn't smart enough. She was then encouraged to marry and have children at the young age of eighteen to keep her entrapped in the group. Sarah then goes on to tell what it was like living in the cult, and how she eventually broke free.

This is an incredible story, and as a mother made me angry that her parents could be foolish enough to leave their young daughter behind. She doesn't hold them accountable, but they allowed her to slip further in into the cult even when the cult wanted to cut them off from her life. I just don't understand how her parents were sucked into it when they were not under the control of the cult leader like Sarah was. I do admire Sarah's ability to break away, and start fresh. This is not a book to be passed by if you're interested in how cults break people down, their purpose, and how they function.

[Jojo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t usually give any type of biography less than a 5 stars, because it’s not my place to say whether the life they lived is worth any less than another’s.
The hardships that Sarah went through are very real.
Unlike others that join cults to either find themselves or find God, Sarah was forced into this Charismatic Church school by her parents and the preacher.
She talks of what she experienced in this school, how they broke her will and made her submit as a teen, and how it shaped her adulthood.
Her life story itself I give a 5. Now here are some of the things that dropped my rating.
The first chapter is about the moment she realized she was in a cult. Others may life starting in the middle, but I like starting at the very beginning and walking in their shoes with them.
Some parts were redundant and dragged, and in one instance I felt like there was a leap in her teen years.
All in all the story itself was good, she highlighted instances of cult like behaviour and what restarting her life looked like. I would maybe read it again years from now, but it’s not my favourite cult book.

[Juno Milner · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.7 stars

The author's story was heartbreaking, especially when she told us of her younger years when she first came in contact with the cult. I was really taken to empathised with her and her tricky situation. It really did illustrated to me how easy it can be to be sucked into a cult and how difficult it is to leave one.

I also really like that we got to see the impacts after leaving and the emotional struggles that they faced outside of the cult and how it focused on them as a family unit. Jones is such a brave woman and mother and I am feel so grateful that she shared her story.

I really don't know how popular this book is because I literally just brought it from a car boot sale but I would recommend it to anyone who wants to understand about cults. I do feel like I would have liked to know before I started reading it with a slight expectation that the book is quite broad and does not go into many specific details but rather offers a timeline of how things happened. It was more technical and broad rather than a properly subjective retelling which is what I thought it would have been and for that reason I was often disappointed when she talked about certain aspects of her story but would never go into a lot of detail.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uhh- I think I was expecting more in-depth insights into the runnings of the church, and more of what made it a cult. I don’t know… I just expected more than what it was.

It really is just a retelling of someone’s life before, during and after being in a cult. But no real in-depth details or explanations beyond that. I also found myself skim reading quite a bit as there is lots of repetition.

I can’t give this less than 3* though because I do understand what she was trying to convey when writing this book. And I appreciate that.
However, it is not one that I would recommend, especially if you want to learn more about what happens in cults, what makes a cult a cult ETC.

[Ed Zirkwitz · Rating 4 out of 5]

The inside story of what a vulnerable teenager (growing into adulthood) went through being literally drawn into a religious cult in southern England. Brainwashing was a strong technique, amongst many others, used to draw in her vulnerable parents which subsequently led to Sarah under the cult control for many years. The damage caused by spiritual, emotional, physical and mental abuses was debilitating and lasted for years and affected many around her.

[Jonathan Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a harrowing and honest account of a young teenagers entry into a charismatic cult in the UK. Left by her parents in a Christian 'boarding' school, she begins a life of being controlled and coerced.
This book helps you see what a cult really is and how they exist in plain sight.

[Jeanine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite an engrossing story, horrifying on so many levels.

[Lauren Benton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good read, I love reading true stories

[Christina Laflamme · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly interesting, shocking and unbelievable. A story very much worth reading. Incredible that this kind of thing still goes on.

[Claire Lancaster · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very interesting read about a religious cult. Sarah shows us how easy it is to be sucked in to a cult and have your mind completly controlled by authority figures.

[Lorraine · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s a good story but I found that it dragged on and on and a lot of repeats but told in different ways.

[Verity · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was born into and grew up in this cult. I was interesting to read about it from another angle.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Poorly written, very slow story. Reading it felt like sitting through a court case. Very black and white point of view.

[Ritattoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sarah is stronger than I thought she is and full respect for her what she did after deciding enough is enough. I wish her all the best and she can be really proud of herself.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be deeply disturbing. For one thing, it's upsetting that this cult leader was so respected in the Christian community, even the international Christian community. It's true, he was very deceptive about his true views, having someone edit out his more inflammatory comments in the CDs that he released to the public. Still, it's a horrible indictment of Christianity and the extremes that some leaders can go to. I've always felt that Christianity is often spread by fear and emotional manipulation – it's been my experience that churches play up the emotional aspects of the faith, the feeling that people get when they're singing and praying a lot of intensity, and a lot of fear of hell is thrown in there to make people capitulate. In this book, the school just took it to the extreme at times the book made me really angry – the girls parents were completely stupid – there were many many signs that something was seriously wrong, and they didn't do anything about it – even when they knew that her husband was abusing her son. I'm sorry, but anyone who looks the other way when a child is being abused, regardless of who it is doing the abusing, is not a good person in my book. It's hard to believe that people could be so easily controlled by fear and brainwashing.

[Pei · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book for a little bit of insight into the mental state of someone in a church-related cult. I feel the prose isn't well-polished, but this is a personal account (and also first book?), so I can forgive that. I didn't learn anything new about cults in general and a lot of the themes seem to follow the same theme that is adopted by Scientology (ala Blown for Good: Behind the Iron Curtain of Scientology, which is also a good read about being in and escaping from a cult from a male's perspective).

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the author’s story and had sympathy for her, but it was just a telling of her story and not much more. I would have liked less repetition and more insight, something to make it stand out from other books like this. I wanted to know why she wrote this book, what she learned from the experience.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really quite a shocking book and whats shocking is how EASY it must be to get drawn in and how completely trapped people are. Cults are one of those things that never seem quite real.

[Colleen Hayes · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good refresher on cults and how they operate.

[Jill Topliff · Rating 3 out of 5]

an editor failed this woman. good story though

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over other books I've read about cults, it highlights how cults control their members and looks at the fundamentals needed to form a cult as well as the personal account which was haunting.

[Dee brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting read. If you wanna learn more about the effect of a cult has over a person , read this.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

So proud of Sarah for breaking away

[Jemimah · Rating 4 out of 5]

After growing up in the church the author was talking about this is 🔥🔥🔥

[Victoria Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, something which opens your eyes - that's for sure!