Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too

by Jenni Schaefer, Thom Rutledge

Jenni had been in an abusive relationship with Ed for far too long. He controlled Jenni’s life, distorted her self-image, and tried to physically harm her throughout their long affair. Then, in therapy, Jenni learned to treat her eating disorder as a relationship, not a condition. By thinking of her eating disorder as a unique personality separate from her own, Jenni was able to break up with Ed once and for all.

Inspiring, compassionate, and filled with practical exercises to help you break up with your own personal E.D., "Life Without Ed" provides hope to the millions of people plagued by eating disorders. Beginning with Jenni’s “divorce” from Ed, this supportive, lifesaving book combines a patient’s insights and experiences with a therapist’s prescriptions for success to help you live a healthier, happier life without Ed.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Psychology, Health, Memoir, Mental Illness

188 pages, Paperback

First published December 26, 2003

About the author

Jenni Schaefer is a bestselling author, singer/songwriter, and eating disorder and trauma advocate. Jenni has appeared on shows like “Today,” “Dr. Oz,” and “Dr. Phil,” as well as in publications ranging from Cosmopolitan to The New York Times. Her books include Life Without Ed; Goodbye Ed, Hello Me; and Almost Anorexic, a collaboration with Harvard Medical School. Currently, Jenni is at work on a book about fighting through PTSD. She is a National Recovery Advocate with Eating Recovery Center and its partner program Insight Behavioral Health Centers. Chair of NEDA's Ambassador Council, she lives in Austin, Texas, where she enjoys the outdoors.

* Please join our new Life Without Ed® book club! Visit: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...

Reviews

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am in recovery from an eating disorder and have read this book three times over the last few years, and each time I have had a different reaction to the pages, and so I will separate my review into three sections.

1) The first time I read this book it was mandatory reading while I was receiving inpatient treatment for anorexia. I was extremely malnourished and had difficulty concentrating or holding information, the short chapters and short sentences were really helpful because that was all my brain could understand. The idea of separating myself from the eating disorder was brand new to me, and viewing the eating disorder as an abusive ex made a lot of sense - because I was in a horrible relationship at the time. I finished the book thinking that someone else understood what it was like, and having new vernacular to use in treatment was welcomed.

2) I attempted to read the book again the second time I went to treatment a year and a half later, but I hated it so much that I stopped halfway through. All of the different voices and personalities that Jenni talks about it the book seemed ludicrous to me, I DID NOT hear an eating disorder voice, and the way she wrote about the eating disorders made us all seem so much crazier than we really were. I did not connect at all with the idea of "ED" being separate from me, I wanted to heal in a way that did not falsely blame some voice or entity, I wanted to truly heal myself, and using ED like suggested in the book seemed invalidating to the work I was doing.

3) I'm in solid recovery now and chose to read the book again, it's been a few years since I was last in treatment and since the last time I read the book. I actually had to buy it again because I threw it away after my second attempt at reading it. I still think that Jenni went pretty far in separating the ED voice (and perfectionist and should and all of the others) and it's a bit odd, but my main take away is that she was not really in solid recovery when she wrote the book. I see that so clearly now. Jenni having such frequent relapses and being tempted so easily throughout the book is not Life Without Ed at all, it's life trying to get rid of him. Comparing it to an abusive relationship: she has decided to leave, she has decided it is not healthy and is gathering support and resources to leave. But she is writing the book too early, she is writing about already being out of the relationship. It doesn't work that way, and it sends a weird an inaccurate message about what recovery is like. She is describing the very early stages of recovery, not solid recovery.

I gave the book 2 stars because it is okay. If you want to learn how chaotic it is inside the head of someone with an eating disorder, this book can certainly help. If you want to learn about some ways to move forward in healing, this book has some great insights. But I take stars away because 2 of the 3 times I read the book I didn't care for it too much, and is it not really telling the story that the title makes you believe it is.

[Crystal W · Rating 5 out of 5]

*10+ years later, my daughter is doing great. That is not to say she doesn't still have anxiety, but she has been able to carry the lessons she has learned with her so that she can manage it. I still attribute this book as one of the major milestones in her recovery.

My recovering anorexic daughter was hospitalized in 2009. During the next year, I spent a great deal of time in waiting rooms. I read anything and everything I could get my hands on about eating disorders. This was the first book I read that truly gave me hope for my daughter. A year after her hospitalization, we were lucky enough to attend a speaking engagement of Jenni's. My daughter has a picture of a herself and a few of her compatriots from the hospital at the book signing with Jenni. It's right next to her bed where she can remind herself daily that recovery is possible.

I've noted that some people are not pleased with her characterization of her eating disorder as Ed, the abusive boyfriend. I have to agree that it is disconcerting. On the other hand, this is not my struggle, and really, why should it matter to any of us what tool she used to convince her mind that the behavior was inappropriate and counterproductive to her spirit. Her message of hope and persistence is what gave me a ray of hope.

[Jennifer Brierly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overly simplified view of ED's and recovering from one. Strongly pushed in many treatment centers, maybe I would have been more receptive if Jenni Schaefer hadn't been shoved down my throat and this elementary book touted as revolutionary.

[Sarah Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I stopped reading this book about half way through. I’m an eating disorder therapist and wanted to read a book that I’ve heard many clinicians recommend to clients. I liked certain aspects of this book, including some of the internal thoughts that people with eating disorders struggle with. However, I felt like this book is riddled with fat phobia. Eating disorders impact people of all shapes & sizes and I feel like while the author recognizes this, she also continues to perpetuate a lot of fat phobic ideologies. I would not recommend this book to clients as a lot of the work that I do with my clients is working to undo fat phobic beliefs as this is a powerful tool in helping people recover from their eating disorders.

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Life Without Ed, Jenni Schaefer shares how she ended her abusive relationship with Ed, the personification of her eating disorder. Two things stood out to me in Schaefer's book in comparison to other works I've read centered on eating disorders. First, she sticks to the theme of making Ed a person - giving her eating disorder a voice, a personality, and a hurtful spirit. This creation of Ed as an actual entity gives her book consistency and allows her to provide a variety of helpful tips: taking out a chair and having a conversation with Ed, writing out a dialogue between her and Ed, to name a few. The second distinction in Schaefer's book is her tone - other works have a much more heavy, troubled feel to them, but Life Without Ed, while still serious, maintains a light and cheerful mood throughout its chapters. Some might find this off-putting or unrealistic, but I feel that others will appreciate its brightness as well as its good advice.

Each chapter Life Without Ed runs from one to three pages, so the book is a quick read. Still, it contains great anecdotes and developed, repeated ideas. Recommended to those interested in eating disorders or who know of someone suffering from one, though I would also recommend other memoirs as well, such as Appetites by Caroline Knapp or Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi. As Schaefer quotes in this book, Maya Angelou once said, "When you know better, you do better."

[Allison Antonaccio · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it’s important for readers with EDs to know this book contains several TWs. While I found some pieces to be very insightful and helpful, they didn’t come about until the end for me. Thus, I almost put it down halfway into it- especially since it came off as a “this is a recovery-focused book but let me glamorize certain numbers, specific struggles, etc. in the meantime,” making readers feel like they have to compare themselves to her story (even though she tried to preface not doing so, it still defeats the purpose). I also found the book to be very repetitive that oversimplifies one’s ability to recover and requires someone to be 100% motivated 100% of the time (which is not realistic for anyone). Although it is also pretty out-of-date in my opinion, I also don’t want to discredit the pertinent information it has given to providers in the ED field. Thus, going forward, it may be more helpful for those with EDs to be assigned specific chapters from their providers to read so that the professional can sift through the information and provide their client with what is most relevant to them beforehand. This is very ideal to do, since the chapters are very short (1-3pgs). Hope this helps! :)

[✨ kathryn ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second read; still as good as the first time! As someone who has been in pseudo-recovery for a few years now, so his was such an important re-read for me. Genuinely excited about going back to therapy post-vacation and tackling the anorexia for good! Full of hope!

Potentially the most influential eating-disorder-recovery-focused book I've come across so far. Laid out so very clearly, with the most fantastic tips on how to stay recovery-focused, and anecdotes that even non-ED humans can relate to.

[Clare · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm sure this book has helped eating disorder sufferers gain some insight, but I can't get past Jenni's excessive use of platitudes. Also, they pushed her writing on us so hard in treatment that I developed an aversion to her on principle.

[Kyle Schindler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very memorable read. I feel like the author's prior therapy experience was a definite boon in her ability to convey her thoughts and feelings, as she truly held nothing back. I feel this gave me a phenomenal understanding of just how difficult eating disorders are.

Conceptualizing her eating disorder as a man named "Ed" personified her difficulties and served to emphasize the persuasiveness and relentlessness of her thoughts very effectively. I did not just envision the abstract thought itself, but instead envisioned a physical, malevolent shadow following her throughout the day and providing this thought as a statement in her ear. Through this personification, I felt like her situation resonated much more strongly with me.

I feel this book should be highly recommended reading for anyone attempting to understand an eating disorder, be they professional, aspiring professional, or layperson.

Some chapters become repetitive to an extent, but this serves to provide a really good message: Eating disorders do not go away overnight. You will make some mistakes, and some will be big mistakes. You will have to work through the same problem more than once sometimes. This is okay and you are not alone.

I feel the author's willingness to accept her "failures" and relapses serves to make this book a really good read for those who are also struggling with an eating disorder, above and beyond the suggestions and exercises provided at the end of each chapter.

[Elise Woodard · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book very triggering when I read it with an active eating disorder.

[Hylarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A bit repetitive in some parts, but that's a good thing because there are some things we need to hear more than once. This is an incredibly helpful book that I'm glad to have on my shelf, and I really like the fact that Schaefer took into consideration the possibility of her readers suffering from short attention spans due to their eating disorders. Her decision to break her writing up into short sections throughout the book allows a lot of sufferers to sit down and work on their recovery without being too overwhelmed. Schaefer shares her journey through her illness in a non-triggering way, and the story of her recovery gives hope that recovery is possible for everyone who struggles with an eating disorder.

[Maddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book while I was in the hospital this past March. I was in the process of being treated for anorexia, which I'm still battling today. This book was very inspiring to me, and made me feel that I was not alone in fighting such a terrible disease. With each turn of a page, I felt more and more determined to recover, whether my "eating disordered mind" wanted me to or not. Every line of this book is completely truthful, and is relatable to all who have an eating disorder. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, whether it be anorexia, bulimia, or any other branch of the illness. It truly will restore your faith and hope in what could one day be a life without Ed.

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seemed to me that most of Jenni's chapters consisted of "I did this when I had my eating disorder. I don't anymore. Isn't recovery great?" While there's nothing necessarily wrong with this (and, additionally, while Jenni does spend a good amount of time talking about how tough it is and what she did to overcome it), as a book directed at those afflicted with ED, I expected (and hoped for) a more journey driven "This is what I went through, and this is an exercise I did, and this is what happened as a result of the exercise, and maybe this can help you too." I'm nervous that someone reading the book with ED may look at her almost-rose-tinted portrayal of recovery and feel inferior or unhelped.

[Rosie Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

so. why did i wait a year to read this?

pre-review: my counselor recommended this to me, which makes me really not want to read it but i know i should lol

[Linnea · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of really helpful language and ways of talking/thinking about eating disorders in here. Definitely a book I'll be using with clients.

[animals85 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I liked certain parts of the book and liked how there was a lot insight to what goes on inside the mind but this book became kind of repetitive towards the end. I would say that this book is definitely not accurate as it simplifies a lot of the problems about ED.

[Audrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this about six years ago. I had just begun my treatment for my eating disorder then, and this title was suggested to me by the counselor I was seeing. I found the book to be tremendously helpful to me at the time, and it's one of the first books I would recommend to someone suffering from any eating disorder.

Reading this again years later, continuing to battle my eating disorder and feeling like I still have a long way to go, I still got a lot out of the book. Because more time has passed, I feel like I can relate on a deeper level to the struggle and feelings expressed—as well having an even stronger yearning for freedom.

There were many parts of the book that found me mentally nodding my head and thinking "this is exactly what it feels like." Many sections felt like something that I could've written. Her disorder was a little different than mine, so naturally I didn't relate on every little thing, but I think this is a book that any kind of E.D. sufferer could glean something helpful from.

As the author says, eating disorders often negatively affect the ability to concentrate, so the book is organized with a lot of short chapters grouped by topic. I still have a really hard time with concentration, so I really appreciated this format and found it to be very helpful.

The tone of the book is accessible, reader-friendly, very creative, and often humorous, yet she still touches on the deeper and gritty details of eating disorders and recovery from them. It gave me a lot to think about. As I said, many parts were poignantly reflective of my own experiences, and sometimes these memories were painful to dredge up. But the overall tone is very hopeful and encouraging. I really, really hope and pray that someday I can have a "life without Ed," too.

[alliyah danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

i have some thoughts 🧐

Edit: tw for eating disorder content obviously:

im writing this as a person who does not claim to be recovered so grains of salt etc.
id like to first acknowledge the fact that this book has proven useful for a lot of people and regardless of its flaws i think it has value. the importance of separating oneself from their eating disorder is real and is something that has been beneficial to me personally after a lot of discussion with my therapist. i did find jennifers approach to this to be mildly condescending and infantile but that is more of a personal opinion than a true critique of the book itself. like i said, this book has been useful for many people and thats cool.

what i DIDNT like:
a lot of the advice in this book felt repetitive after a certain point. i found the latter half of the book to be basically a summation of the points expressed in the first half and it kinda just felt like overkill.
one thing that stood out to me was how uncomfortably close jennifer consistently got to expressing the "youre not fat, youre beautiful!" narrative. i know this book is relatively outdated but that type of messaging is so blatantly unhelpful- ESPECIALLY to those with eating disorders. jennifer seems to flip-flop between "having fat on your body okay and people can experience disordered eating at any shape or size" to "Ed told me i was fat but i said NO like a girlboss."
Pretty grody. Idk i read this as therapy homework and Im glad i did but i just think whether or not it is helpful to you is purely dependent on how far along you are in your recovery and who you are individually. I dont think applying a generalization to this book by saying it is either good or bad is fair

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there are times that Jenni Schaefer is repetitive throughout the book, the concept and theme is strong: you have to disconnect from your eating disordered thoughts in order to make room for your own.

Here is a list of my favorite essays/chapters of this book (as a reminder to myself) - and yes, they are short for a reason and the author states why:
"The format of this book is specifically designed for the eating disorder victim in mind. ... my thoughts were so consumed by food and weight that I found it hard to concentrate on anything else. Reading was especially challenging because of the difficulty in concentrating and the almost impossibility of my sitting still long enough to read. Taking into account the decreased concentration that you may experience, this book is divided into bite-sized, easily digestible portions. I have discovered that it is easier to stay focused on one short section as compared to a long chapter composed of page after page text."

*Ms. Perfectionist
*Not Just Anyone
*Holidays
*Overcompensating
*You Don't Look Like You Have an Eating Disorder

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life Without Ed was a very interesting book, although not extremely helpful at the point in my journey when I read it. I didn't take advantage of the exercises that Thom Rutledge provided at points throughout the book, although I would advise readers who are in recovery from an eating disorder to not ignore them as I did.

Jenni's voice is clear and honest and helps make the reader feel not as alone in his/her journey through recovery. She's unflinchingly true to herself about triggers and problems that arose during her recovery, and she and Thom together make a good team to cowrite this book.

One thing I appreciated about Life Without Ed is that Jenni avoided the use of any numbers - no weights, no calories, no measurements of any type are mentioned in the book. She also does her best to avoid giving tips and does a very good job at being an honest yet awesome role model for recovery. I have had the privilege of hearing her speak in a small gathering and she made recovery seem possible for anyone who struggles with an eating disorder. I guess in short, the message her book sends is: "Don't you dare give up, because there IS hope."

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

a review at the beginning recommends this book "if your relationship with food is undermining your self-esteem, your honesty, your happiness, and your joy." i couldn't agree more! jenni's honest compassion for the reader and her sense of humor sets this book apart from others. her quick, easy-to-read themed segments made this a smooth read. this style of writing kept my attention, and also made it easy for me to return to the book and refer to specific topics. being able to say "screw you" to a relationship and not to myself anymore...that's healing.

[Iranzu · Rating 4 out of 5]

La autora narra su historia en la que lucha contra su trastorno de la conducta alimentaria, llamado Tece. Habla sin tapujos acerca de sus episodios y pensamientos intrusivos durante la recuperación. Además, incluye pequeños ejercicios al final de cada capítulo, lo que resulta útil para las personas que lo sufren.

Recomiendo totalmente su lectura, tanto si sufres algún TCA, como si conoces a alguien que lo sufra y quieras entenderlo/a y ayudarlo/a. En mi opinión, es un libro para ir leyendo en pequeñas dosis, para poder comprender toda la información y ponerla en práctica.

[Alexis · Rating 2 out of 5]

highly disappointing, but I think it has a lot to do with my personality. It was too much of a Mary Poppins approach to me, and I found myself saying, "This is not what it's like. It's not this easy." But I know people who have gotten a lot of help from this book.

[Sydney · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good read if you’re trying to support someone through an ED
however, for those who are currently going through treatment, I would refrain from reading until you’re in a better recovery mindset.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Has become The Bible for eating disorder recovery. The personification of the disorder, Ed, rubs me the wrong way.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenni Schaefer shows how the process of recovery isn't linear because there are always going to be new challenges. She also provided many examples of how to separate yourself from your eating disorder. In the book, she made a divorce decree from Ed and even made her own Deceleration of Independence. Not only does she gives us these examples but she also encourages us to participate in them. Her therapist is also part of this book and he talks about the journey of Jenni as well. I believe that incorporating her therapist, Thom Rutledge, was a great idea because having a therapist is key in recovery. Towards the end of the book, she explained how men and women struggle with eating disorders and there are many more eating disorders not only anorexia nervosa. No matter what eating disorder you may have always remember that you are valid. Jenni explained that even though recovery is a long process we will recover.

[kristen campbell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had way higher hopes for this book. I think the first few chapters that outlined strategies was good. The notion of naming your disorder is a decent one, but this book took it too far with the dialogue. There was also a recommendation to take a compulsive exercise test, but when you followed the link provided and took it, there is no interpretation of what your score means. The end of the book where it mentioned you can “even learn a foreign language when recovered from your eating disorder” was ridiculous. The author spent the last chapters of the book plugging her other work and her website constantly. The end of the audiobook with a song? Horrid.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review is very personal and admittedly more about me than the book itself.

This is my second time reading this book. The first time I read it (in 2018 or 2019), I scoffed at how silly, simple, and unrealistic the idea of personifying an eating disorder was. How in the world could naming the disorder and “pretending” it wasn’t a part of you help you to recover? When I relapsed and sought treatment in 2022, from a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, the concept of personifying the disorder was mentioned to me again. This time, I nodded like I agreed, but *mentally* rolled my eyes and thought, “Maybe that works for everyone else, but not me” - which it turns out… is a very common “eating disordered” thought and is probably the eating disorder (and not me) speaking.

After months of weekly sessions, I began to see how separating MY thoughts, the healthy thoughts that wanted me to get better, and the ED thoughts, which only wanted me to get sicker, could benefit me and strengthen my attempt to recover. Sure, the idea of naming a disorder and viewing it as a separate entity still seems a little “out there”, but hey… whatever works!

It has been just over a year since I sought specialized help after relapsing. Like Jenni, the ED is not completely out of my life and may never be. However, like Jenni, I am able to spend my days free of compulsion, obsession, and restriction with a rare occasional day of struggle.

[Jennifer Gillispie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as research for my profession as a dietitian who sometimes deals with eating disorders and disordered eating. It provides great insight into the mindset of a person struggling with an eating disorder. The chapters are very short and easily digestible, and the book provides lots of tangible suggestions and help for both individuals struggling with ED and clinicians who treat them. Definitely worth a read!

[Joy Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coming from a recovered anorexic, I’ve read nearly all the books on eating disorders. This book is great for someone on the outside to read. It gives you a glimpse inside the mind of one struggling. It’s not only a helpful book for someone struggling but also for someone who’s trying to support one with an ED.