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This Shadow Follows Me
Composed from true life events and personal manuscripts, This Shadow Follows Me, is a riveting fiction novel of Alec Andrews and the friends and family that faltered around him.
The story begins with the death bed of Andrew's ex boyfriend Troy who was dying of AIDS complications. Alec tries to tell his life story in hopes that he can make up for all that he could not tell Troy when he was alive. Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a family that drove him to crucify himself, in hopes they would be correct with their religious beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself free from the illusions that capture him.
Alec is ultimately haunted by a dream where he took his own life. In the dream he killed himself, only to be told he would have to live his life over again without making the same mistakes, but not able to remember the previous mistakes to stop them from coming true. Will Alec and the ones around him find their way to claw out of the pain of the lives they create? Find out in this fictional and painfully honest memory of This Shadow Follows Me.
The story begins with the death bed of Andrew's ex boyfriend Troy who was dying of AIDS complications. Alec tries to tell his life story in hopes that he can make up for all that he could not tell Troy when he was alive. Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a family that drove him to crucify himself, in hopes they would be correct with their religious beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself free from the illusions that capture him.
Alec is ultimately haunted by a dream where he took his own life. In the dream he killed himself, only to be told he would have to live his life over again without making the same mistakes, but not able to remember the previous mistakes to stop them from coming true. Will Alec and the ones around him find their way to claw out of the pain of the lives they create? Find out in this fictional and painfully honest memory of This Shadow Follows Me.
200 pages, Nook
First published June 10, 2011
8 people are currently reading
5130 people want to read
About the author
Joseph McGinnis
4 books173 followersI live near San Francisco where I focus on a career in fiction writing. This Shadow Follows Me and The Shadows I Followed (sequel) were two projects I loved writing. I am working on one last of the trilogy. I’m looking forward to publishing soon.
I have an extensive background in creative writing and social science.
Joseph McGinnis
I have an extensive background in creative writing and social science.
Joseph McGinnis
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
December 27, 2011
"Composed from true life events and personal manuscripts, This Shadow Follows Me, is a riveting fiction novel of Alec Andrews and the friends and family that faltered around him.
The story begins with the death bed of Andrew's ex-boyfriend Troy who was dying of AIDS complications. Alec tries to tell his life story in hopes that he can make up for all that he could not tell Troy when he was alive. Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a family that drove him to crucify himself, in hopes they would be correct with their religious beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself free from the illusions that capture him."
Joseph McGinnis has fashioned a truly touching and affecting novel, one that will stay with the reader long after the final page is read.
THIS SHADOW FOLLOWS ME is the story of Alec Andrews and his search for meaning after the tragic death of his ex partner. The fact that this novel is semi-autobiographical lends it a feeling of realism not often felt in novels. The journey of self-discovery that Alec undergoes is at times intense and terribly painful, at others times, witty and joyful and at all times deeply engaging.
The most important point that must be made is that this superb novel not be pigeon-holed as a "Gay Novel". Its themes of self-discovery and acceptance are universal, Alec's search for meaning and truth is one all of us undergo to some extent, regardless of our sexual orientation. While Heterosexual myself,I felt myself identifying with so many of the issues facing Alex. The search for self-actualization is a universal trait. Joseph McGinnis has a rare talent for taking very complex human emotions and presenting them in a way in which the reader is both engaged and involved. The supporting characters are all unique and there is no sense of pretense, rather THIS SHADOW FOLLOWS ME is a deeply touching journey for not only the characters, but for the reader as well. A journey well worth taking.
AN OFFICIAL JAMES MASON COMMUNITY BOOK CLUB MUST READ
RICK FRIEDMAN
FOUNDER
THE JAMES MASON COMMUNITY BOOK CLUB
The story begins with the death bed of Andrew's ex-boyfriend Troy who was dying of AIDS complications. Alec tries to tell his life story in hopes that he can make up for all that he could not tell Troy when he was alive. Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a family that drove him to crucify himself, in hopes they would be correct with their religious beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself free from the illusions that capture him."
Joseph McGinnis has fashioned a truly touching and affecting novel, one that will stay with the reader long after the final page is read.
THIS SHADOW FOLLOWS ME is the story of Alec Andrews and his search for meaning after the tragic death of his ex partner. The fact that this novel is semi-autobiographical lends it a feeling of realism not often felt in novels. The journey of self-discovery that Alec undergoes is at times intense and terribly painful, at others times, witty and joyful and at all times deeply engaging.
The most important point that must be made is that this superb novel not be pigeon-holed as a "Gay Novel". Its themes of self-discovery and acceptance are universal, Alec's search for meaning and truth is one all of us undergo to some extent, regardless of our sexual orientation. While Heterosexual myself,I felt myself identifying with so many of the issues facing Alex. The search for self-actualization is a universal trait. Joseph McGinnis has a rare talent for taking very complex human emotions and presenting them in a way in which the reader is both engaged and involved. The supporting characters are all unique and there is no sense of pretense, rather THIS SHADOW FOLLOWS ME is a deeply touching journey for not only the characters, but for the reader as well. A journey well worth taking.
AN OFFICIAL JAMES MASON COMMUNITY BOOK CLUB MUST READ
RICK FRIEDMAN
FOUNDER
THE JAMES MASON COMMUNITY BOOK CLUB
July 31, 2011
Feeling incredibly guilty that it took me so long to read this, but it was worth the wait. Well written and intense.
I won a copy of this through goodreads first-reads giveaways.
I won a copy of this through goodreads first-reads giveaways.
August 30, 2023
I received this wonderfully written book through Goodreads.
August 23, 2016
I received this wonderfully written book through Goodreads.
The book delves deep into the intricacies of human emotions. The narrative opens as Alec stands by the deathbed of his ex-boyfriend,Troy. He takes the reader on a journey through his life, aiming to rectify things he could not express to Troy while he was alive. It is a heart-wrenching exploration of self-discovery amidst a hostile environment. An upbringing in a homophobic family adds layers of complexity to his character. The author masterfully captures Alec's inner turmoil as he battles against illusions that have constrained his identity. A haunting dream introduces a surreal element to the story.
A compelling read for anyone seeking a story that delves into the depths of the human experience.
August 23, 2016
I received this wonderfully written book through Goodreads.
The book delves deep into the intricacies of human emotions. The narrative opens as Alec stands by the deathbed of his ex-boyfriend,Troy. He takes the reader on a journey through his life, aiming to rectify things he could not express to Troy while he was alive. It is a heart-wrenching exploration of self-discovery amidst a hostile environment. An upbringing in a homophobic family adds layers of complexity to his character. The author masterfully captures Alec's inner turmoil as he battles against illusions that have constrained his identity. A haunting dream introduces a surreal element to the story.
A compelling read for anyone seeking a story that delves into the depths of the human experience.
August 3, 2011
I enjoyed the timely topic of AIDs and HIV in 2011.
August 18, 2011
Great novel. Very heart felt, had me in tears though and also made me laugh. I love the ending, but I can't spoil it for everyone. Joseph McGinnis has a great writing style that flows very well together. One of those novels that will stay with you. I hope they make this into a movie.
November 7, 2011
Great novel. Made me really think about my own prejudices. I am a very liberal person, but this novel made me realize I have a lot of growing up to do. Very well written and very power.
October 13, 2011
This novel was something I had to read slow and could not speed read. It was very powerful with a lot of twists and turns. I did not expect this novel to take the directions it did. I am amazed by this story. Even though Joseph McGinnis says it is fiction, I have a hard time believing this is not a true story. You can't make this stuff up. I think the cover does not speak to the novel as well as I expected. It appears as a major dark novel, but in a lot of ways it is very positive. I look forward to other novels from this author.
August 25, 2017
Review in progress.
April 22, 2015
I kind of feel like an asshole for saying this, but this wasn't a very good book. The message is good, and one I 100% agree with.
...But the writing is atrocious. It felt so unnatural, it didn't flow at all. Contractions were sparsely used in the dialogue, which is extremely inaccurate to the way people talk these days. Skin color was capitalized, such as "I think they were more surprised by a naked White man running down the hall" or "he was a buff Black guy" which was just odd. There were far too many passive sentences that just sounded awkward, like "my face smiled" or "A tear fell down my face" instead of just saying, you know, "I smiled" or "I cried".
Not to mention really weird descriptions. Earlier in the book there was a scene where the kids were all making sandcastles, and the quote went something like, "we spent the day building sandcastles and breaking them down only to replace them with a sandcastle more profound."
....more profound? I'm not really sure how a sandcastle can be profound, but apparently it happens. There was just far too much of this stilted writing throughout the book for me to actually sit down and appreciate what I was reading. It needs a seriously heavy-handed editor or ghost writer.
I purposely picked this up to have a sad, maybe tearful read, but one that ultimately (maybe) had a positive message in the end. Which is kind of what I got, if I could get past all the glaring issues. There were plenty of potential tear-jerker moments but the book just failed to bring any to coalition.
...but at least it has profound sandcastles.
(I received this in a First Reads giveaway.)
...But the writing is atrocious. It felt so unnatural, it didn't flow at all. Contractions were sparsely used in the dialogue, which is extremely inaccurate to the way people talk these days. Skin color was capitalized, such as "I think they were more surprised by a naked White man running down the hall" or "he was a buff Black guy" which was just odd. There were far too many passive sentences that just sounded awkward, like "my face smiled" or "A tear fell down my face" instead of just saying, you know, "I smiled" or "I cried".
Not to mention really weird descriptions. Earlier in the book there was a scene where the kids were all making sandcastles, and the quote went something like, "we spent the day building sandcastles and breaking them down only to replace them with a sandcastle more profound."
....more profound? I'm not really sure how a sandcastle can be profound, but apparently it happens. There was just far too much of this stilted writing throughout the book for me to actually sit down and appreciate what I was reading. It needs a seriously heavy-handed editor or ghost writer.
I purposely picked this up to have a sad, maybe tearful read, but one that ultimately (maybe) had a positive message in the end. Which is kind of what I got, if I could get past all the glaring issues. There were plenty of potential tear-jerker moments but the book just failed to bring any to coalition.
...but at least it has profound sandcastles.
(I received this in a First Reads giveaway.)
October 23, 2014
I liked this book but had some issues with the way it was written. I thought Alec was telling Troy about his life but at times we was refering to Troy as if he were speaking to him and others like he was telling someone else about him. And I really had a problem with not learning from other people's mistakes. I mean there were so many ways for Alec to avoid getting HIV and he was still an extremely careless person. I ended up skimming through a big part of this book because it was confusing and was getting boring. Oh well it just didn't work for me.There was no flow to the story it was just thrown there for us to try to make sense of it. Needs a great deal or revisions.
March 1, 2012
From the first page you are welcomed into Alecs life with open arms. The story gives a good insight into Alecs life & the struggle facing many young men in this situation.
The book starts out as a sad heatbreaking story, it transforms into a book full of strength and courage. Full of twists and turns, and plenty of setbacks, with a beautiful ending. It's a fantastic read.
(I got this through a goodreads competition)
The book starts out as a sad heatbreaking story, it transforms into a book full of strength and courage. Full of twists and turns, and plenty of setbacks, with a beautiful ending. It's a fantastic read.
(I got this through a goodreads competition)
September 1, 2014
"This Shadow Follows Me" captured me from the beginning to the end. I have been living with HIV for 14 years. This book I will recommend to people who are living with HIV, and for people who love those living with HIV. If I could ever explain in words what my life is like, this book is the explanation.
Joseph McGinnis is a strong, compassionate man who has the courage to put his heart and soul on paper.
This book is a must-read!
Joseph McGinnis is a strong, compassionate man who has the courage to put his heart and soul on paper.
This book is a must-read!
March 18, 2012
For some reason I struggled with the beginning (probably because the subject is to close to my heart) but I'm so glad I stuck it out and continued reading. Some parts had me in tears and others laughing. The book took a twist I didn't see coming. Such a great ending. I'm so glad I won this book. It's a keeper for sure :) It makes you realize what's important to you.
March 31, 2012
This book, omg this book made me really think about life and what could happen for those that do not have the stegnth to survive through the difficult time of life. I think this will never make me fill the same. I can not believe how this book has effected me. I have to tell everyone that may read this be prepared for a great journey. It is substantial.
November 25, 2014
The emotions that went through this novel were easy to pick up as I read it. I felt a little cheated at the end as the happiness was glossed over and it was so obvious that the main character need some happiness. I guess it was a statement that someone could give him the life that he couldn't give Troy.
February 16, 2013
As with any book, there is content and execution, and I am going to qualify my review on this one and focus on content. One's reaction to the book's content will depend on one's taste for drama, angst,and an honesty that is rightly described as painful. It is this content that I alternately connected with and sometimes felt overwhelmed by as I read the book. The main character, Alec, seems to have been cursed with everything from bickering parents who don't accept his sexuality to boyfriends who either tramp around on him, bore him, or become terminally ill. He's also a bit of a player, but doesn't seem to want to admit that, preferring to view himself as the victim of others. Upon visiting a dying lover in the hospital, his sorrow is temporarily upstaged by a cute bellboy; Alec at times seems to be a hopeless horndog with a heart ever aching for love. As a book that describes the confusing rites and romantic roller coaster of crazed youth, it is florid, torrid, and spot on; Alec's ambivalence toward those in his life shifts constantly, so much so that one wonders from page to page, "Does he really love this one, or is it the other one now?" His parents, in particular, are either seen as abusive and dysfunctional or familial deities. Indeed, everyone,family/friends/lovers, seem to exact Alec's ever shifting emotions and tendency to either disappointment or wrath, but never for long before he has another guilt attack and sees them as human as himself. Alec is presented as being acutely aware of his own shortcomings; in fact, he often seems mired in guilt; (the Catholic church hovers in the background of this novel like one more "shadow"). Alec is one passionate character with a frequent, endearing tendency to wax poetic: at one point he describes birds as "carrying in their eyes the love of everyone they saw every day. They leave behind our memories in their feathers." (Ya gotta love this guy!) Bottom line: I love this book's emotionally charged, "go for broke" approach; any gay man will find much to relate to in these pages, even if it is like returning to scenes one might rather not revisit. The ending was both unexpected and satisfying; I recommend this book,despite some minor shortcomings in execution, for are we not all shadowboxers in life?
January 15, 2015
This book is composed from true life events and personal manuscripts. It is a fiction novel of Alec Andrews and the friends and family that faltered around him.
This story begins with Alec at his ex boyfriend Troy's death bed. Troy was dying from AIDS.
Alec tries to tell his story in hopes he can make up for all he could not tell troy while he was alive.
Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a religious family who drove him to crucify himself, in hopes that they were correct with their beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself.
Alec keeps having this reoccurring dream where he kills himself only to be told he will have to live his life over and over until he stops making the same mistakes. The only problem is he can not remember the mistakes ....
This was a heart wrenching story, my heart went out to Alec. He just wanted to be understood and loved. His sister even turned her back on him for being gay.
The bible says a man should not lay down with another man, but it also says to love each other as God loves you. I have nothing against gay people, I think this world needs more understanding and love than to judge people. Who are we to do this????? Is this not the Lord's job????
Yes, AIDS is a scary disease but it is not "Just a gay disease", it can be spread by blood and infected needles and such.
Gay people are humans too they bleed, feel, love, and live just as we do. I pray that if you know someone who is gay, pray for them and let them know you love them, even if you do not agree with their lifestyle.
** I received this copy from the Goodreads First reads Giveaway **
This story begins with Alec at his ex boyfriend Troy's death bed. Troy was dying from AIDS.
Alec tries to tell his story in hopes he can make up for all he could not tell troy while he was alive.
Alec's life story lurks with the self destruction of a religious family who drove him to crucify himself, in hopes that they were correct with their beliefs. From a homophobic family to a homophobic upbringing, Alec fights to find himself.
Alec keeps having this reoccurring dream where he kills himself only to be told he will have to live his life over and over until he stops making the same mistakes. The only problem is he can not remember the mistakes ....
This was a heart wrenching story, my heart went out to Alec. He just wanted to be understood and loved. His sister even turned her back on him for being gay.
The bible says a man should not lay down with another man, but it also says to love each other as God loves you. I have nothing against gay people, I think this world needs more understanding and love than to judge people. Who are we to do this????? Is this not the Lord's job????
Yes, AIDS is a scary disease but it is not "Just a gay disease", it can be spread by blood and infected needles and such.
Gay people are humans too they bleed, feel, love, and live just as we do. I pray that if you know someone who is gay, pray for them and let them know you love them, even if you do not agree with their lifestyle.
** I received this copy from the Goodreads First reads Giveaway **
July 24, 2013
This is a novel that starts out dark because it does not shy away from the grimmer part of reality that GLBT people like all people use sex drugs alcohol as anescape from life's unfairness and hatreds. the premise is based on a dream the protagonist had as a seven year old; that if he killed himself he would relive the life all over again without any memories of his previous life to right the wrongs so hhe wouldn't kill himself. The last few chapters are more hopeful because he get to he point where hwe usually takes his life and goes on living and he finds the love of his life and they work together because even love doesn't make life problem free. it has an "Its a Wonderful Life" quality in that he learns to think of how he has affected and will affect others but it doesn't shy away from the difficulties facing people in general and GLBT people in paticular. I feel sorry for those, like the protagonist, whose families' religeous beliefs mean that they disown them and create hate whhere there should be love.
April 24, 2012
When I read the description of the book I was intrigued. When I won a copy in a Goodreads giveaway I was thrilled! I started reading as soon as it arrived at my doorstep. Here's what I enjoyed about the book: the concepts and insight. Here's what I didn't like: the writing. For me writing is probably the biggest draw or turn off in a book which is why I had to rate this so low for my own review. I felt like the book would have benefited so much from further editing and revision. The ideas were great but there was a lack of flow in the overall storytelling for me and while the dialogue had the right emotions it felt too stiff - again without the right flow. It's too hard for me to really get into a book if the writing isn't really well done. So I while I did appreciate the concepts and the insight I just didn't enjoy it as much as I would have hoped.
January 1, 2013
This was an amazing book. I got it off of Goodreads and while unpacking in my dorm I came across it again. It interested me so I read it. I finished it during my trip in Israel. For me it seemed very personal because I am/was going through some of the same stuff that is in the book. I went through the book and highlighted parts which I felt that I connected to me. The problems the main character goes through with his sexuality, his health, his love life, and his mental health was described in a way that does not make it seem like a soap opera but at the same time it is not something that could be transcribed into a children's picture book.
December 7, 2013
This book was very overwhelming. I think the art of passion is difficult to write. The story explains something about the world we are all scared to actually respect. The author hit it on the nail. I did want more from the characters. I want to see what happened to them. I have to say then ending was well thought and made sense. One of the best books I have read in a long time. It was raw and needed for people to read. I didn't know half of this stuff, but I'm a simple person. Glad I read this book. It is sad but very positive. I walked out of it or crawled out of it in tears, but think the author meant to make people feel the pain. All I have to say is OUCH.
February 27, 2012
This novel was a quick read. I loved the story line and the monologue style writing. It is amazing to see novels on these social issues be talked about. This Shadow Follows Me, was a great journey in the life of someone that is strong. I found the in depth jump into a mind very refreshing. This is not just another written novel. You can tell the author spent time working through these characters.
June 1, 2014
I won this book in the Goodreads Giveaways. This is a very emotional thought provoking story that had me hooked from the beginning. It is well written and have such detailed expressions of the characters upbringing. It is such a shame that this is how a segment of our own population are treated even in today's age and such tragic consequences often result. A "sad" but good read that i highly recommend.
August 2, 2014
The Shadow Follows Me...A journey not for the tender hearted. Shaping words from life experience that force the reader to relate to similar experience in their own journey....When the author speaks his truth..it becomes our truth..we feel his pain..his need for love..
December 27, 2015
"This Shadow Follows Me" is a very well written and way better than I expected. Great job! I won this great book on GoodReads and like I do with most my wins I will be paying it forward by giving my win either to a friend or library to enjoy.
did-not-finish
February 26, 2012I spend a majority of the part of this book I read thinking WTF? I am totally lost and giving up.
April 23, 2012
Fantastic, moving and sad. I couldn't put it down.
June 29, 2017
This was quite touching and sad.... I DO recommend it.
January 25, 2013
great book a must read
June 22, 2013
What a fantastic book sad but uplifting also.
I couldn't put this down and read it quite quickly.
I wish there was more to the end to see what happens to Alec.
I won this through first reads.
I couldn't put this down and read it quite quickly.
I wish there was more to the end to see what happens to Alec.
I won this through first reads.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews