Just Tell Her To Stop - Family Stories of Eating Disorders

by Becky Henry

Interviewing dozens of families, Becky Henry filled her book Just Tell Her to Family Stories of Eating Disorders with personal accounts that not only educate about eating disorders but provide help to those impacted by these deadly illnesses. Eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental illnesses. It is no surprise that the author panicked watching the daughter she knew ''disappear'' as the powerful bully took control. After extensive research, she finally got help to save her daughter's life. When families feel frustrated, isolated and alone, (very common because the disease is often kept as a ''family secret''), they need a respected resource to show there is help and people to talk to. The tips at the end of each family's story are most insightful. No topic was left unturned insurance; treatment centers; extended family's response; age at onset; other addictions; fear and hopelessness; AND joy and successful recovery. All aspects of a family living with a loved one are covered. Dads, moms and siblings speak. Who better to tell the stories than those living with, struggling to understand, and dealing with the day-to-day challenges that can be overwhelming. The message You are not alone-and there is HOPE.

276 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just Tell Her to Stop is a collection of personal stories based on interviews Henry did with families. She obviously tried for a range of perspectives here—parents; people with eating disorders; siblings; etc. It's a mixed bag. Some have happier endings than others: there are a number of stories that seem to be moving on an upswing toward the end, and then BAM, the story concludes by telling the reader that the individual with the eating disorder no longer talks to the speaker (126) or relapsed into alcohol addiction immediately after treatment (140). Realistic, and important to include those, though sometimes I wondered about the structure of the book/essays.

One of the themes of the book is, of course, this 'just tell her to stop' that some parents get: just tell her to stop throwing up. Just tell her to stop starving herself. Just tell her to stop... It's a head-scratchingly stupid comment for a number of reasons, but it's obvious that some of the speakers here understand better than others: Who would ever dream of such a thing? says one. An aside to readers who may be in recovery themselves: please don't let your eating disorder see that as an idea for you to try... (209) Which just seems...a little bit like 'just tell her to stop'... (Similarly, on page 8, we get this: Even though sometimes the one telling his or her story in this book seems to be talking to the person with the eating disorder, please keep this book away from your loved one as there may be statements that could be "triggering"...to their eating disorder. The stories in the book could "teach the eating disorder" new tricks to further compromise your loved one's health. A bit odd to me—why not just, say, try to avoid the details that might be triggering?)

One of the most striking chapters in the book is a Q&A with three women who have or had sisters with eating disorders. It's a sad chapter, though not necessarily for the reasons you'd expect—to me it's sad because the youngest woman interviewed is so bitter, so angry at her sister (not just her sister's eating disorder). She feels what she feels, and I can't blame her for that, but the phrasing is too bitter to have even a veneer of maturity and makes me wonder whether she'll eventually regret having those words out in such a public, and permanent, format. (Especially striking in contrast with the interview bits with one of the other women, whose sister died.)

I think I'm always going to prefer longer-form stories that allow the different people to be developed further as characters, but it's valuable to have this sort of thing out there—the voices of people who are in the thick of it but for whom the eating disorder exists as an external thing rather than inside their heads.

[Audrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I loved the variety of experiences, the way I found a tiny bit of my story in every person's account and I loved the specific resources which helped my research immensely. I bought several copies to share with others. Every family dealing with an eating disorder should have a copy to read and reread AND to refer to as their situation evolves.

[Nadia Giordana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book immensely enlightening on the subject of eating disorders. Most people can relate in some way to this subject, depending on which end of the ED spctrum they, or a loved one falls. I especially appreciated the case stories. It was like putting a face to the name.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative and insightful. A great reminder of just how DIFFERENT and UNIQUE each case of anorexia is and how it affects a family. The stories scared me, had me near tears, filled with hope, and I found myself able to relate, in my own way to the struggles and endurance people have in this life.

[Charlotte Bevan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The wonderful Becky and her HOPE network have done so much to help parents of children with eating disorders. It would be hard to find a kinder and more empathetic parent coach.

She rocks.