Catch Me Before I Fall

by Rosie Childs

Because she was black, Clare Malone was the talk of her Liverpool council estate. Her mother and her mother's husband were both white and from birth she was stigmatised for this proof of her mother's infidelity. Clare was left in a bare, filthy council house to fend for herself and her siblings until, aged nine, she was placed in the care of an order of strict and often cruel nuns.

She finally embarked on a settled life as a nanny and pre-school teacher, but she couldn't escape from herself and the black cloud of her childhood. After suffering a breakdown, Clare was placed in a series of dehumanising psychiatric hospitals for many years until she was helped to remember the horrifying secret of the childhood she thought she had buried forever. Now, with support, she has rebuilt her life as Rosie Childs and has moved on. She is truly happy at last.

Genres: Nonfiction

Paperback

First published September 1, 2006

Reviews

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of Rosie Childs, she of many names and survivor of a most horrendous childhood.

Born into a white family after her mother had an affair with a Chilean sailor, Rosie, Or Clare as she was then, never really had a chance. Her father probably never knew of her existence, her mother’s husband hated her from when he first say her, and her mother was a lost soul with no ability to look after her ever growing brood of children. At five, Rosie had assumed many of the parental duties in her home, feeding her siblings and doing odd jobs to raise money. Her mother would frequently not come home, so frequently in fact that Rosie was not even aware that this was odd behaviour.

When the social services finally realised that the children were in essence abandoned, they were all taken to a nun run orphanage where Rosie spent her teenage years.

Her life lurched from disaster to disaster as she cleaved herself to people who were not good for her, and struggled with her own sense of self-hatred. She hated being black and all this poor waif wanted, right into her 40s (and probably still to come extent) was a mom.

That Rosie did not turn out to be some awful abuser or criminal is amazing. How anyone can survive what she survived and still come out believing in the value of human beings is astounding. This book brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion and even though Rosie is older than I am, I wanted to just hold her and tell her how amazing she actually is.

After reading this book never again will I blame my past for determining my future. If she won’t none of us are allowed to.

Truly inspirational

[Charlotte Goodwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have just finished reading this book and found it incredibly interesting and moving. As someone who works in the British Mental Health system it was really good to be able to see it through a service users eyes and understand how these different incidences lead to others. People have described this book as depressing but I disagree, I would describe it as woman's real life experiences and whilst they are cruel and unpleasant the book goes on to say how she is dealing with them and making peace. This book has definitely opened up my eyes to what can go on behind closed doors and that you may never really know how someone's childhood events can effect them.

[Indra Verma · Rating 3 out of 5]

The ending was getting mega sad omg. That whole last quarter of the book is just gag after gag. Poor girl. I hope she is living a life of happiness now.

[Kat · Rating 2 out of 5]

DEPRESSING!

[Diana Sorina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clare Malone, un copil de culoare nascuta intr-o familie britanica saraca. Mama ei și soțul mamei ei erau amândoi albi și de la naștere a fost stigmatizată pentru această dovadă a infidelității mamei sale. Suferind neglijarea mamei sale, o prostituată și alcoolică, Clare a fost lăsată într-o casă de consiliu goală și murdară pentru a se descurca pentru ea și frații ei până când, în vârstă de nouă ani, a fost plasată în grija unui ordin de călugărițe drepte și deseori crude.
În cele din urmă s-a angajat într-o viață stabilită ca bona și profesor de preșcolar, dar nu a putut scăpa de ea însăși și de norul negru al copilăriei sale.
După ce a suferit o cadere nervoasa, Clare a fost plasată într-o serie de spitale psihiatrice dezumanizante timp de ani de zile până când a fost ajutată să-și amintească secretul îngrozitor al copilăriei pe care credea că o îngropase pentru totdeauna. Acum, cu sprijin, ca Rosie Childs, a mers mai departe și este cu adevărat fericită în cele din urmă.

[Sabina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly, heartbreaking story about a woman's life in a time when black people were still considered slaves and a shameful ''thing''.

Also frightening to think that some doctors and nurses's mentality in some hospitals haven't changed much since 19th century; they still act mechanically, without actually being interested in their patients life details or motives that made them act in a certain, suicidal way.

[Allison McCauley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is well written and draws you in. Family growing up with limited or abusive parent interaction in abject poverty. It follows a girl, who by the color of her skin, is evidence of infidelity. You follow the woman through her tangled life, in and out of the mental health system. Her final break-through seemed glossed over - and given the detail in the book - seemed without the depth in the rest of the book…

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sad heartbreaking memoir of a mixed race child growing up in 50s Liverpool who grew up hungry & neglected, never experiencing family love & how her traumatic childhood shaped her adult life and led to mental health issues.

[Deborah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a little too British for me. I stopped reading about 1/4 of the way through. I also didn't like the way the book was typeset--the lines were too close.

[Luna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the very depressing story of Rosie Childs, a woman who goes through many names each time she reaches a new point in her life. She was the black daughter of an all-white family- a symbol of her mother's infidelity. She was raised in a abusive home, where she and her siblings were constantly taken into foster care. The last time they were ripped from their mother, they were placed into a boarding home in a nunnery, where once again they were mistreated. She was placed into foster care again, where her foster father made advances on her, and her foster mother encouraged her to have sex with her son in an attempt to have a baby.

And that's just the start- after escaping her foster family, she started to make a life for herself before suffering a mental breakdown. From there, she's been in and out of psychiatric care, suffering depression and eating disorders, along with self harm and numerous suicide attempts. I can only imagine what she's up to now. None of her doctors or therapists wanted to know why she was like this- they only wanted to put a band-aid on it all. It's a very Dr. Phil type approach. Finally, though, a therapist took an interest in her life, and all her anguish came tumbling out. The impression is given that Childs has finally started to make an attempt at recovery.

I can only wonder where she is now. The fact that she's published a book suggests that she was stabilised long enough to finish it, though she also received assistance from another author. I hope she has moved on in life and is happy now.

[emz490 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gosh did this take a long time to read! I'm just going to give some simple feedback:
The book is about Rosie Childs (who changes her name constantly through her life) who had endured many abuses and horrific "homes". Too many people come and go too quickly for her to be able to sort her self out but everyone just thinks she's insane and no-one bothers to try to find out WHAT it is that has caused her to not like men, not like to sleep for a long time, not like ice cream, not like her body etc..
But eventually, very far down her lifeline, she remembers. And its one person who she thought cared for a her just a little..

The reason it took me so long to read was because she had so many bad events in her life, and I felt kind of filled up with her unhappiness.
And, yes, it is a bit depressing :/

*Will be fairly depressing for younger readers, but more maturity makes you sympathise with her, and realise she is a heroine!*

[Dani · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book in my local library because I thought the description of a black child growing up in a white neighbourhood sounded interesting. However, if you want a read that won't depress you, this book is not the answer. Rosie has one awful thing after the other thrown at her, and as for the revelation at the end of the book.. I saw it coming to be honest, but that doesn't make it any less disturbing and upsetting. This is less about the struggle with race that I read it for and more about Rosie's own life and all its nastiness. Although there is some elements of race in there, it kind of takes a backseat. Not what I was expecting really, but I do wish Rosie luck with her future and hope she can put her terrible past behind her.

[Narusegawa Narusegawa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rosie Childs had such a hard time growing up, and I sympathise with her and anyone in her position.
She writes with such emotion, all about herself growing up and everything she had to go through. Rosie was born as Clare Malone, in an all white area of Liverpool. She was neglected, ignored, and beaten by her alchoholic stepfather and struggled with everything. As she grew up, she has a couple of breakdonws and eating disorders, but she pulled through, living evidence to all suffering.

This is a heartbreaking, courageous and inspirational story of one woman's determination to survive.

[Rifa Tajek · Rating 5 out of 5]

TO BE PARTICULARLY HONEST I THINK THAT THIS WAS QUITE A ENJOYABLE AND INTERESTING BOOK TO READ AND IT TAUGHT ME QUITE A LOT ABOUT HOW DARK SKINNED PEOPLE WERE TREATED IN LIVERPOOL. THIS IS TOTALLY A HEART CHATTERING BOOK AND I LOVED EVERY PART OF IT. ROSIE CHILDS SHOULD BE PROUD THAT SHE IS WHERE SHE IS NOW AFTER EVERYTHING THAT TOOK PLACE IN HER LIFE. I ACTUALLY COMPLETELY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK FOR OTHERS TO READ.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rosie's memoir just goes to show you how important every part of childhood is. I always knew that love and acceptance were just as vital as food and shelter and her life story is all the proof one needs to understand just how important those things are. This just might be one of the saddest true life stories I have ever read.

[Kathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

A troubling memoir of a girl who grew up in a very troubled Liverpool "home." Hard to read because it is so sad. The author describes her desperate younger years and her later adult years troubled by mental illness and eating disorders, etc. She survives as a fragile single adult, but what amazing courage.

[Dariya Wilcox · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting book. A child is neglected and abused and this has consequences for her as she grows up. This book is well written and interesting because it's about racism towards a mixed race child. There aren't enough books about racism.

[Jacquelineybeltran2005 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a sad but than up moving book of a young girl who feels she does not fit in her world because of the color of her skin and is different than her siblings and later is abused

[Shakhi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story, but incredibly heartbreaking.

[iloveme]

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[Nazia Ahmed · Rating 1 out of 5]

True story, very depressing from start to end! Not sure how I finished the book... Anyways, I wish her a lot more luck in the future.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sad story. I loved reading it from beginning to end but very sad story. Its a must read.

[Katriann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catch Me Before I Fall is a story about Rosie Childs, who is abused and neglected as a child and struggles with mental illness as an adult. It is not just a story about a colored child trying to fit in in an all white neighborhood. It is also a story about a woman, who struggles with childhood trauma and feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness. In a way, the book is also a critical commentary on the British mental health care system as it tells the story of a person, whose life could have been very different, had she received the treatment she needed. This book can be triggering for some people and I think that whoever considers reading it, should be aware that the topics discussed in this book include sexual abuse, eating disorders and self-harm.

Catch Me Before I Fall is by no means a happy coming-of-age story. Most of the time Childs's life is miserable. However, it's an eye-opening story and I'm happy I read it. (Actually, this was the second time I read it because I'm doing my MA thesis on it.) The way I see it is, that even if Catch Me Before I Fall is a very depressing story, it is extremely important that stories like this get told. The only way we can fix the flaws in any system is that someone points them out first. There is also a lot of stigma in mental illness and child abuse that we still have to overcome and stories such as Childs's help break the silence and spread awareness.

That Childs has come so far from where she used to be proves, that people can overcome their past and move on no matter, how unjustly they have been treated. The fact alone that Childs had the courage to tell her story and criticize the treatment she received is an accomplishment. Childs's book may well help other women, who have gone through similar experiences. By telling her story Childs gives voice to all those silenced children and women, who have suffered or still suffer abuse, because they are either too afraid to speak out or they don't know where to get help. I would definitely recommend this book for anyone, who is interested in mental illness and coming of age stories. However, I would advise you to keep in mind that this book may not suit everyone.