By Marilyn Paul It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys: The Seven Step Path to Becoming Truly [Hardcover]

by Marilyn Paul

Overbooking? Running late? Feeling overwhelmed by clutter and to-dos? Management consultant Dr. Marilyn Paul guides you on a path to personal change that will bring true relief from the pain and stress of disorganization. Unlike other books on getting organized, It’s Hard to Make a Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys offers a clear seven-step path to personal development that is comprehensive in nature. Drawing on her own experience as a chronically disorganized person, Paul adds warmth, insight, humor, and hope to this manual for change and self-discovery. She introduces the notion of becoming “organized enough” to live a far more rewarding life and make the difference that is most important to you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Adhd, Productivity, How To, Unfinished

Unknown Binding

First published December 29, 1999

About the author

Marilyn Paul, Ph.D. is an organization and management consultant skilled in facilitation, organizational diagnosis, systems thinking, and leadership development. The purpose of her consulting is to help people improve their abilities to work together to accomplish meaningful results. Among her strengths is the ability to facilitate a new perspective and original solutions to persistent problems. She has a special ability in combining a focus on results with attention to individual growth and team development. She is dedicated to improving the well-being and effectiveness of people working in a wide range of organizations.

Over the past twenty-five years, Dr. Paul has worked with people on many different organizational levels from executive teams to the shop floor in manufacturing settings. She works with corporate clients, non-profit organizations, and in government and health care. She works with clients to understand their current realities, develop a clearer shared vision, implement strategy, improve their skills in communication, peer coaching and time management. Her clients have included The Kennedy School of Government, The New York Times, Jobs For the Future and the University of Vermont Snelling Institute for Leadership, Pfizer, the World Bank and Harvard Hillel. She has been a consultant with Innovation Associates, Arthur D. Little, and DIA-logos an organizational learning consulting firm.

from http://www.marilynpaul.com/bio.html

Reviews

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I've read on organizing. I started by jumping right into the most practical chapters (in Part II: Drawing on Organizing Wisdom), but found it so useful that I ended up reading the first chapters as well.

I really appreciate the way the author clearly explains some very obvious and foundational ideas, such as building transition time between activities. I also really like the way she encourages the reader to think deeply about the "why" of our disorganized or chaotic habits. Why do we leave the mess? Do we feel that it is a waste of time? Do we feel that creative people aren't really organized? Do we dislike the meetings we are late to? I loved her thinking on the real reasons behind our problems. And I like the way she connects disorder in our space with disorder in our calendars — they often go hand in hand.

I'd like to highlight a few practical tips I especially enjoyed:

[] Getting to ready (page 98). Spend a few minutes before leaving a room or space and get things ready for the next time you enter that space.

[] Establishing and practicing new habits (page 104). The chaos in our life comes from habits in our life. If we'd like to change that, we need to create new habits. Here are ten steps for creating a new habit:

1. Pick one small habit that is currently making your disorganization worse and that you'd really like to change.
2. Estimate what it costs you to keep this old habit
3. Become aware of your thoughts that accompany it.
4. Check your deeply held beliefs for validity. Look for disconfirming examples.
5. Create a picture of a new, better habit. Actually act it out. Part of learning a new habit is to enact it so that you know what the new habit feels like. You start creating some new neural pathways that you will go over and over again, creating neural grooves.
6. Remind yourself how your new habit will nurture your vision and purpose.
7. Interrupt the old habit with a shout, music, or a "No!"
8. Reinforce your new behavior with new thoughts.
9. Reward yourself for the new behavior.
10. Get lots of support; ask for help from all your support sources.

[] Create an "alive" place for everything (page 121). All items should have their special, useful place. And any items that do not have this are, perhaps, dead.

[] Clearing out unused things (page 122-123.) Ask three questions about the things that you own:

1. Does it lift my energy when I think about it or took at it?
2. Do I absolutely love it?
3. Is it genuinely useful and do I use it?

[] Learning how much time things take (page 138). We often overestimate or underestimate the amount of time things take. Marilyn Paul recommends actually timing yourself for different activities: eating lunch, filing papers, doing the dishes, gathering your things and getting out the door.

[] Allow for transition time (page 140). You need buffer time in between your activities to tidy up, gather things, use the bathroom, etc.

[] Structure your time with a timer (page 171). When you have a large space of open time, set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes and break large tasks into small bites.

[] Do the easy next thing (page 218). When you are overwhelmed by a big task, you need to "chunk" into into small bits and just do one next, tiny step.

[] Weigh your costs and benefits (page 213 and 221). If you are finding yourself stuck with a particular behavior that it hard to change, think through these six questions:

1. What are the benefits for me in this? (Lateness, pile, mess on the kitchen counter...)
2. What are the costs?
3. How would I really like it to be?
4. What beliefs do I hold that might be getting in my way?
5. What is the truth about these beliefs?"
6. What are my next steps that will help me move forward?

[] Real change comes in waves (page 226). You will likely hit a plateau or feel that you are backsliding at some point. Instead of becoming discouraged, embrace this as part of the process.

So many gems in this book. I didn't even write about the wonderful exercises throughout that help you sort through vision, history, and problems that require solutions. I may need to buy a copy myself.

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rare "organizing" book that urges you to take a look at WHY you are disorganized, rather than sending you out to buy containers.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took me a long time to read, but it wasn't because it wasn't an excellent and well-written resource. In fact I started it several years ago, and then put it aside. When I went back and reviewed both the part of the book I had read earlier and the notes I had taken, I saw that I had been using many of the strategies, and the change in perspective that the author suggests. There are a few sections that are no longer needed by me, such as how to organize your office and your business, but those were helpful when I first read the book. Ms Paul uses at times suggestions made by other "organizers" but I felt her perspective and her approach to many issues was unique. I am glad I took the time to go back and review, and then continue reading what I hadn't read the first time.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

So far, I like this book, although I am not finished with it. If you have ever tried to get organized in one week-end or less and felt like a failure just a few weeks later, this book is for you. The author advises to deeply examine your life and observe your own clutter as an outsider. Following this observation, you should reflect on what may be the cause of the clutter. The chapter called, "Taking Stock," is a good starting place. You can skim the preceeding chapters if you want to. All they do is offer a basic question and answer on what causes clutter and disorganization in the first place. In "Taking Stock," the author advises you to consider four levels of inquiry into your clutter, the physical, the emotional, the mental, and the spiritual. I suggest going through this book with a highlighter so that you can remember key passages or quotes. It is a good book for refecting on your life. It is a good book to read during the summer if you are not terribly busy and have some time for reflection. The author gives exercises on reflection that you can choose to do or not. Regardless of if you complete the exercises, there is a lot to reflect upon. It proves to me that key to organization is not just another trip to the Container Store.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far this book is pretty good. A little hard to read...need to concentrate, but isn't that what self-help books should make you do? Talks about the issue behind the disorganization, not just a quick fix organizing book. I'll update more as I get further into the book

UPDATE: On page 205 of 287 and I've got to say that this book is great. My favorite chapters so far have been Chapter 6 (reread it twice!)--The Rhythm of Organizing and Chapter 10-Focus Your Powerful Mind. Love how the author approaches the topic of chronic disorganization in a practical and nurturing way. She often asks us to look at our disorganization as if we were simply observers, and to withhold criticisms. She gives good ideas about approaching trouble areas, including a way to view the daunting task of getting organized as a spiritual practice. Although not a "how to" book at all, she definitely awakens the sense of responsibility one has with regard to getting organized so you can function to your fullest capacity. A great read!

[R.K. Goff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many organizing gurus would be disappointed with this book because it has so few suggestions and ideas on what you can specifically do to be more organized; such as where to hang your keys, or how to fit on your cleaners in a cupboard, etc.

But that is absolutely NOT what this book is about. This is a book for totally non-organized people talking to them about the whys. Why aren't they organized? Why should they be organized? What are the thoughts and behaviors that lead to organization, and disorganization. It's absolutely about thinking and what we do with our stuff.

If you want more ideas, you should find another book. But if you're interested in the mind-set, the issues, and the questions behind human behavior--this is a good read.

[Mindi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love organizational books. Why read another one?

My favorite response is, "Why not?"

There is always the chance that I missed something in the thirty or so other books on organization I have read. I will summarize and say that if it is important and helpful and it is about organization, it will be in this book.

Plus, she can get you from here to there. She really can.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I go on an organization book binge once or twice a year, and this is the most transforming thing I've ever read on the subject.

If all you need is someone to walk you through a set of typical sorting, purging, and filing tips, this approach may be too in-depth for you. But if you really want to get at the roots of your disorder and change your outlook on things like planning, calendar management, and organizing your stuff, give it a shot. The book's tone is warm and supportive, but it also calls you on the fact that your messes are a result of your choices and attitudes.

It's too soon yet to tell if all this'll really stick or if it's another fading organizational enthusiasm, but the few small changes I've made in the last couple of weeks feel amazing and I'm already going back to re-read certain chapters or passages.

I'll try to remember to update this review in six months or so.

[Phila Hoopes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every ten years or so I look at my house and realize that it contains too much STUFF. That's when I pull out this well-worn, well-loved book for a deep, comprehensive decluttering of my physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual environment. Marilyn Paul, as a former clutterer, writes with compassion and understanding, with just the right level of challenge to get me up and ridding out. A rewarding read, over and over.

[Linda]

The title is a lesson in itself.

[Lauren Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book brought me to tears more than once. It's a lyrical, cheerful, gentle, compassionate, sensible look at the consequences of disorganization and methods for re-framing negative mental habits that often reinforce disorganization which is compelling. I'm usually organized, and yes, I'm one of the Pros who always has been, but when I'm not organized it is often a direct symptom of some stressor in my life.

I've read more than 50 books on organizing, as particular as Easy Closets (Joseph R. Provey) and as free-ranging as Throw Out Fifty Things (Gail Blanke). Ms. Paul's work is the first which helped me start approaching my destructive for-me mindset: stress = an excuse to let my structures slip. I'm emphasizing for-me because for many many someone elses, stress is not always or ever an excuse - we are all different. Stress can truly overwhelm people. But Ms. Paul's techniques might even then provide some relief.

Ms. Paul understands living haphazardly because she "had to tackle her desk as if it were Mount Everest. I made thirty or forty attempts. I know this sounds exaggerated, but I had to get my figurative hiking boots, pack, and ice ax, and go after my desk with determination. The 'mountain' defeated me many times, but eventually I did conquer it. (I have a little flag waving at the top.)" page 11, last paragraph 2003 edition. Many of the BEST Pros are self-taught, now-organized "messies," and I'll go even farther and declare that any Organizer who claims s/he is always organized is probably fibbing.

I'm tempted to quote dozens of bits and pieces from this marvelous book. I'll simply suggest that you read it.

Lauren Williams, Owner, Casual Uncluttering LLC, Woodinville, WA USA

[Postilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know whether Marilyn Paul's approach is helpful for everyone, but it was a game-changer for me. For all those people who need to understand the root causes of their behaviours before they can change their lives, this is the right book to guide you, through exercises and open-ended questions. It takes introspection and focus, time and energy, but this book sustains you in the process with great wit and compassion. For those who are looking for a set of simple steps and easy to apply strategies, I doubt whether this is the right book.

[Dee Renee Chesnut · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding gems, like this book, are a reason I often pick up the book next to the one for which I was looking at my library. It was located in section 648.8. I renewed it two times and took pages of notes from the questions asked to help me break through my resistance to actually starting many projects I moved when my husband and I downsized 7 years ago. Yes, my "going-to-do" needed grounding and put on the actual schedule. There is progress.

I highly recommend this book. I gave it 5 stars.

[Alana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little bit life changing.

[Kye Flannery · Rating 5 out of 5]

nonjudgmental, fecund, piecemeal, practical, moveable feast.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As Marilyn Paul points out, most clutter books just tell you to “just do it;” clean up the mess and decide not to be messy anymore. However, disorganization can be persistent unless you address the causes and evaluate why you’re living that way. For many, being organized is a skill that needs to be learned. Her book contains exercises to evaluate your personal organizational habits and steps to change your behavior to lead a more organized life. In my opinion, this book should be saved for those that truly feel helpless in their organizing efforts (whether it’s in their workplace, home, or social life), as the book really takes you on an in-depth journey of your habits and beliefs. Those that are looking for a general decluttering book may feel daunted by the detailed questions and exercises, but they will be helpful to those that are trying to get to the root of a major organization problem.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I keep my expectations low for books from the "self help" section... so often they're shallow, cheesy and generally insulting in some way. Still, I sometimes flip through them at the library out of some unexplainable, compelling curiosity. This one was better than most because it addresses the "why" behind our self-defeating tendencies to over-schedule, accumulate clutter, and live in denial about the ways that we fail to take responsibility for ourselves. It's full of "exercises", which aren't practical how-tos for getting organized, but opportunities to reflect on what we need to do to take care of ourselves, our homes, our workplaces and our relationships. She spends most of the book persuading readers that we should WANT a more peaceful, orderly, effective life so that we'll be willing to do the work to make it happen. This approach is unusual for a book like this, and I think it makes it worth while.

[Sherrill Watson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, I don't do any of these things anymore. But I did, and an old friend gave me this book, thinking I could use it. I'm not sure when I got organized, I just did! But there are insights here that are helpful in dealing with others, and I just learned how (well, a couple of years ago) to do a couple of things, asking for help with my taxes, (thanks Judy!), setting the kitchen timer, also calling a buddy when I was tackling an awful job, that I still do. Now if I can just tackle that e-mail backlog!

About on page 150 (out of 300 or so) Ms. Paul gets into some queries that I found useful in dealing with my family. I think I know where my 1st husband learned to "fail" and where my son learned to keep things that were not useful. Well, maybe!

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this as part of my never-ending quest to get more organized after seeing it mentioned on someone's blog (whose? I don't know—I'm not that organized!) There's some good information in here, but I had trouble getting into it. The font used is pretty small, so I had to spend a fair bit of energy just concentrating on making out the words (even with my reading glasses on), leaving fewer brain cells available to absorb the content. The subtitle of this is "The Seven-Step Path to Becoming Truly Organized", and I can't remember even one of them now, just a day after finishing my reading. I might try re-reading this.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, PACKED with exercises to help you become truly organized. Hint: you need to start from the inside out, it's all about your thoughts on being organized. Another book from the library I read partway through, even the first 2 chapters have gotten me started down the path of organization, very helpful!

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Call me crazy but I loved this book. I love the whole genre of organizing books, but this one is different. It makes you question the origin of the messes to begin with in a way that gets at the sources of the disorganization. It was thought provoking and inspired me to be a bit less of a procrastinator while I was reading it. I might just read it again.

[Larry]

Read the Kindle sample. Seemed like it was more "how to have life goals" fluff than crunchy how-to tips. (That actually probably makes it a better book, but it wasn't what I was expecting.) Doubt I'll read the whole book.

[Sherrill Watson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Given to me by a friend, who remembers me when I was disorganized. I am not at all now, and don't especially know why. Can't use much of the ideas in the book, but Seven Steps is a good idea, and learning the "whys" of how I used to be that way is useful. However, at my age, it's ho-hum. Sorry.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started this book because of a comment on a Houzz article that someone found Marilyn Paul's book more helpful than Marie Kondo's The life-changing magic of tidying up. I decided getting organized is not my problem.

[Emerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not usually a step-by-step person, but this book changed my life! One of the most helpful things for me was learning to always bring things in my life "back to ready."

[Heather]

Recommended by Sarah Kirkish (SWE).

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best thoughtful book on organizing. It gives good whys and hows

[Katherine]

I keep misplacing the book. Sigh.

[Brainorgan]

It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys: The Seven-Step Path to Becoming Truly Organized by Marilyn Paul (2003)

[Sasha Rose Clifton Oxnard · Rating 5 out of 5]

the best book on organizing i've ever seen... much more a book about why you would want to add more order to your life. full of great tips and life wisdom.