Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model

by Richard C. Schwartz

Internal Family Systems Therapy is one of the fastest-growing approaches to psychotherapy. It has developed over the past twenty years into a way of understanding and treating human problems that is empowering, effective, and nonpathologizing. Internal Family Systems (IFS) involves helping people heal by listening inside themselves in a new way to different "parts" -- feelings or thoughts -- and, in the process, unburdening themselves of extreme beliefs, emotions, sensations, and urges that constrain their lives. As they unburden, people have more access to Self, our most precious human resource, and are better able to lead their lives from that centered, confident, compassionate place.

In this book, Richard Schwartz, the developer of the Internal Family Systems Model, introduces its basic concepts and methods in an engaging, understandable, and personal style. Therapists will find that the book deepens their appreciation of the IFS Model and helps their clients understand what they are experiencing in therapy. Also included are user-friendly exercises to facilitate learning.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Counselling, Audiobook, Personal Development

150 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed that there were systemic patterns to the way they were organized across clients. He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would experience spontaneously the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts.

A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books and over fifty articles about IFS.

Reviews

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I could have used some more examples and exercises in the last part of the book - a lot of this can be fairly abstract - but in general the theory being espoused here is powerful, profound, and well presented. Richard C. Schwartz employs a very accessible conversational style, addresses potential doubts and reservations head-on, and includes a lot of examples from his personal life to keep the theory grounded and relatable.

I particularly liked that he spent some time showing how this theory owes homage to a lot of ancient meditative and spiritual practices, and especially that a lot of our Western ideas are sorely lacking in this respect. On the one hand this is almost reinventing the wheel, but on the other hand it frames the ideas of a well-balanced inner life in a context Western readers may be more open to. I know it did for me - I finally have an appreciation for what meditative techniques and "being present" might actually mean from a psychological health perspective. The model presented here certainly won't sound like an idea you've heard before. For any generation familiar with Sybil, it almost seems outlandish. But the truth of how we humans go about our lives in different roles in different contexts is inescapable, and it it feels like he is relating an almost gestalt impression about the nature of identity. I will be applying this model to my own daily life with as much rigor as I can muster.

[HippieWitch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won on giveaway’s. A very interesting read. I am really not sure what to say about this read lol. I couldn’t put it down so that’s gotta say something:)

[Toshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5
the title couldn’t be more literal. a surprisingly small book walking through the basic concepts of Internal Family Systems seemingly written for clients. well laid out and easy to understand. also contains exercises at the end of each chapter that i thought were very helpful. i found the ideas highly intuitive and somewhat simple compared to what i had imagined. easy to recommend to anyone who is interested in this modality.

[Arda · Rating 2 out of 5]

very helpful. together let's try one of the methods in it, which is called the "parts work":

i forgive my stupid 'parts' that bought this worthless book and invested time in it. oh i feel enlightened already-

and those supposedly-real session bits. acting was so bad i just had to puke midway through

[Meg Atkinson · Rating 1 out of 5]

The part of me that is skeptical of trendy therapies without a rigorous evidence base hated this, but the part of me that tries to keep an open mind and consider different therapeutic approaches also hated this

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

decided to try my first audiobook & dabble in an approach to therapy that was previously unknown to me along the way. through this introduction to his internal family systems model, Dr. Schwartz raises the question of “who are you at your core?”

to be completely honest, the first chapter or two had me thinking the guy was a complete quack, but my curiosity was peaked. i’m glad i stuck with it because, by the end of the book, i was ~mostly~ convinced. IFS is certainly a different approach than what i’m accustomed to, but i’m excited to delve deeper!

[Namita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think above all, I love IFS for its non pathologizing approach to mental health. Rather than viewing humans are just a “bundle of pathologies”, I love this nuanced, multi-faceted take on the mind and human connection so much more.
I liked having more context around the 8 Cs of self and the historical origins and present-day paradigms around different approaches to mental health. No bad parts introduced these concepts and included lots of exercises for turning inwards, but this book helped fill in a lot of gaps (such as where does the systems piece come into all this?).

[Esther · Rating 4 out of 5]

Toggled between 4 & 5 stars for a bit. There’s so much here, and yet I can’t ignore the ways power is ignored. Holding that this is only an introduction, and making note of how Narrative will still feel necessary to fill the spaces IFS has yet to explicitly acknowledge~

Articulated for the first time yesterday that my clinical practice is now majority IFS (65%) — theoretical becoming!

[Demi · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brief and easily digestible introduction to IFS concepts for those who want to familiarize themselves with the approach. For those who are already somewhat familiar and/or want to jump into IFS work right away, I would suggest No Bad Parts.

[L.A. Jamison · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author of this book, Richard C. Schwartz, PH.D., LMFT earned his doctorate at Purdue University in Marriage and Family counseling, and he is associated with the Institute for Juvenile Research at the University of Chicago College of Medicine. He is also an associate professor at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. He has published seven books and over 60 professional articles. Richard is not just the author but also developed Internal Family Systems. Although it sounds similar to such practices like Family Systems Theory or Systems Theory, it is not the same--despite any commonalities. Richard Schwartz incorporated this practice out of his center in IIllinois called The Center for Self Leadership and trains people in the United States and in Europe.

I like how the first chapter hints at what the process is about and asks you to ponder some questions without hitting the reader over the head. Then, the next chapter dives into the notion of a place within, which we refer to as "self". Some others might consider his definition of self more fitting to a definition of higher self. Schwartz's definition of self speaks of a core place within us that exudes qualities of calmness, clarity, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness (What he calls the C's of Self Leadership). Although I found his descriptions of these qualities a bit watered down and perhaps there are too many C's, I do know from presently engaging in the IFS process myself, how important our understanding of this view of self is. At the very least, this place within us where we are able to step back, be calm and observe what is happening in an objective, compassionate manner is crucial to tap into. Of course, like anything crucial we have enough wounds and countering distractions to keep us from exploring the pain. While we might feel secure in our overprotective, controlling measures and sufficiently distracted by habits, we miss out on transforming. IFS brings us into intimate conversation with our own players blocking the touchdown of transformative victories. At this point, however, the author remains a little in the abstract to gently bring us into the model. He also starts to reveals his own journey. We hear about his own stumbling, humble beginnings of a new enlightenment while doing the usual thing therapists do. I really like how the doctor/author weaves this authentic element of his own struggle and trials throughout the book. It shows his honesty and disarms the reader from feeling talked down to. I am also aware that he has worked with other authors who have incorporated the process in a more faith/religious context so those that want this in the context of faith sauce can take the meat of this book and dip into their faith models as well.

What was eye-opening for me in this first part was seeing how hard society and religion is on the self. I saw something deep here when he said;



"IF YOU KNOW HOW YOU HAVE A MAGNIFICENT ESSENCE THAT'S ENCRUSTED IN CALCIFIED EMOTIONS AND BELIEFS, YOU CAN SET TO WORK ON RELEASING THAT ESSENCE. IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT EXISTS, YOU RESIGN YOURSELF TO EXPERIENCING LIFE THROUGH A PROTECTIVE COVERING."


Richard then sets out, al biet briefly and yet poignantly, to critize the dogma we are taught via notions of such teaching like Original Sin, Darwinism, Freudism, Development Psychology and this idea of our humanity infected with a "selfish gene". The author suggests that those who believe this then "spend our lives controlling passionate emotions and impulses, and reminding ourselves of our basic sinfulness." Or those with a more psychological perspective can set about "to look outside ourselves to get our needs met"... as "therapists try to give their clients what they believe their clients lack rather than help them find those qualities within themselves." We end up in a constant search for the experts to solve our problems. I know that in revealing to you, the reader, that this author addresses beliefs around Original Sin, Darwinism and the like might put people off, but understand that the author isn't suggesting everything about those philosophies is somehow bad. Rather, he exposes an element in all them we really need consider in light of what they produce if we aren't careful.

What this belief about self being bad produces is explored as well as what trauma has produced in us at one time or another. He takes us underneath the hood of the protective shell over the Self. This shell consists of something the author terms as Parts. From my own experience with IFS so far, one needs to be careful getting so caught up in the notion of parts and lose connection with the core of self. Regardless, the author's breakdown of the Parts is done in a very readable, concise way with a good number of examples that most people can relate to. I should say at this point that the author includes very gentle exercises to introduce you to the process at the end of a few chapters. I'm not sure how effective the exercise are, however. I began IFS well before I read this book so I'm well beyond their effectiveness for me. They might be a little of nothing burger for you. On the surface, they appear relatively light--unless you never have had an ounce of therapy before. To me, the book didn't need the exercises but perhaps they will help someone.


I like how the author describes how our mind and body has a "multiciplty" of parts and refers to other well-known gurus of the past that have explored this notion of "sub personalities" we possess--such as, Carl Jung and Roberto Assagiolio. Yet, he also acknowledges how "uncomfortable" this idea is for us, which we have reserved to those with "multiple personality disorders". The movie Sibyl comes to mind. He then cleverly dives into our ancient past and cultures that embraced this idea of multiple parts not only to the spirit world but also in our inner realm. Still, he doesn't hesitate to reveal his own five-year struggle as a therapist to let go of his firm grasp around this idea of having only a single mind. I also liked how he talks about "good parts" of ourselves being stuck in "bad roles". It is quite eye-opening to think about ways we talk to ourselves and act because a part of us is stuck in the past. We can suddenly become overwhelmed by one part and suddenly find ourselves feeling like a teenager at age 40. All we know is what we know and sometimes that it is a dysfunctional way to survive..., but we survived. Our "system", as the author terms it, may now know no other way... until we show it another way. A part of self was, as the old song goes, "Stay'n Alive!"the only way it knew how. Nevertheless, we can be be stuck talking, yelling, kicking ourselves, judging others, isolating, etc. and yet it no longer serves us. We just don't know any better and hate ourselves for not being able to change. We can't let go and become vulnerable, so we in effect hate ourselves for hating selves.

I am grateful that Richard doesn't leave us there though. Here is where the book changes format a little and becomes a bit more useful and practical. We move more out of the abstract. As much as I like my own therapist and grateful for coming into this new model of IFS through him, the author here breaks down the parts, their functions, and their potentials much more perfectly than even he can. By this point in the book, we have learned that there are two general parts to us: one that has been traumatized or hurt and another that protects us from never feeling that way again (no matter what it takes). Here he breaks them down into what he calls 'Exiles, Managers, and FireFighters".

Exiles are our wounded, often child like part of us that we attempt to put in exile, hide away if you will. We enter a high degree of self-protection. "Certain events or interactions act like a match, igniting...burdens of terror, loneliness, humiliation, abandonment, despair, or worthlessness that our exiles have been carrying for us". He goes on to say that, "This is why our protective parts build fortresses around us." We attempt to patch up the cracks and find new distractions from the pain or fear. What I appreciate most is how the author doesn't just leave us with each part and the problem they can cause, but he talks about the good potential of these parts. He explains the good intentions of the parts and the greater good they will provide when they are set free.

Next are Managers (and Firefighters which is a special form of Manager). I really like the author's description of the Manager and the special unit called "Fire Fighters" in particular. "They want to protect our exiles, but they also disdain them for being weak and needy. Managers blame those vulnerable parts for getting us hurt...like sentries, they're always on guard for events that might trigger exiles and are always strategizing ways to avoid such events." Who hasn't felt weak or victimized and yet turned around and hated ourselves for even feeling that way? And here too, the author switches things up by again highlighting the better nature of Managers with statements like "Managers create negative narratives for protective reasons." The author breaks down the different type of management styles which is interesting. Here, whether the author realizes it or not, he sort of aligns with Darwin in suggesting that we often hate our pessimist side but that "it's easy to miss their protective nature". Darwinism suggests that our tendency to have negative, critical views is our innate need to see problems in advance so that we can fix them and survive. These are angles to parts of us that those who insist we see the world through rose colored glasses and proclaim your blessings rather than give voice to problems won't submit to and may never reach authentic transformation. Positive thinking and Prosperity-R-Us gurus like Tony Robbins to Joel Osteen aren't all bad in what they pedal (and making big bucks for it by the way). However, this can create what others have called "a cotton candy" message and what I call cotton candy people who remain a shell of themselves. These kinds of people are no less limited than someone who is burdened by the past as they apply positivity mantras over their lives and find it their mission to do so to others when they start to voice their own pain. They have no reference to the need for exploring personal pain or emotions but see that as giving room to the "negative". Positivity should be the result of transformation and not a cover up to how we truly feel or we never will grow beyond the negativity in the first place.

Fire Fighters as you can imagine act differently than managers in that they respond to amped up emergencies. I got a lot out of Richard's description where he says managers act "pre-emptively" by attempting to foresee and help us avoid anything that will trigger our exiles (think of keeping your baby happy and not crying). To the contrary, Richard describes fire fighters as more "reactive" and ready to jump into action if the fire starts. I like his description of them as "secret service agents" for the president, taking the brunt of a lot of abuse and acting in ways this part doesn't like itself but does so to survive. Anything to shield the president.

IFS.jpg
There is so much meat in this book to chew on, and the author does a pretty good job giving us a taste while not overwhelming us. The last part of the book is unique in that the author gives a prospective client advice insight into what his or her first visit will be like. He also highlights what to expect to happen within themself and their therapist as they start out on this journey together. This is something pretty forward to do, maybe presumptive, but having already been a client it is pretty accurate. I wish I would have gotten to read this before I went to my first appointment.

I think this is a great book for anyone interested in IFS. It is sensitive to readers who are your average joe reader and not doctors. There are plenty of good examples too. While some parts seem too watered down and I'm not sure how the exercises are impact wise, this is a great book. I am not sure where IFS will take myself progress wise, but I can tell you that it has already made impact on my life and my perspective. I honestly don't know where I would be right now without IFS and the trauma I endured just this year. It is a great relief and has put some missing pieces together for me about our own psyche, self and spirit.

[Logan Vlandis · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5. Audio-booked it. IFS is all about achieving a healthy mind by reforming your internal “parts” ie long-standing, vocal beliefs and emotions that have been accrued and reinforced through life experience. This is done by compassionately hearing out what each part has to say, asking it about its origin story, and understanding its good intentions (however misguided the execution may be).

The book is more theory than application focused (apart from the last chapter, which explains how an IFS therapist approaches counseling with this framework).

Through my own limited application of this model, I can already sense its power to reform long-standing thought patterns that previously felt inseparable from myself.

[Alyson | Books.plants.and.tea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do you have internal conversations with what feel like different voices inside your head?

⭐⭐⭐⭐✨

With this non fiction book, you get exactly what the title promises you: an Introduction to Internal Family Systems. No prior knowledge is required to get a feel of the essence of this approach.

Dr. Schwartz explains his theory in which he leans towards more non-Western views of having multiplicity in the mind, a family of subpersonalities of sorts that each play a specific role (often times one they have been forced into for a specific reason) and who interact with one another. He states: "What we call 'thinking' is often our inner dialogues with different parts of us." He goes on to explain that our parts can obscure what he calls the 'Self', who we really are - "inherently good, wise, courageous, compassionate, joyful and calm".

I really appreciated that the writer seemed to take us by the hand, explaining the IFS approach one step at a time, and seemed to know when to appease some of our parts that might arise - the sceptic one, the one feeling incompetent, etc- by using derision or even by appeasing the sceptic by normalizing not being totally sold on the idea right away. While doing so, Dr. Schwartz is not afraid of opening up and showing parts of his self, and his growth in his therapeutic skills, to explain his theory. Through showing his parts acting in certain ways, and letting himself be vulnerable by showing his Self, he managed to make some of my parts feel seen and quiet down enough to be able to keep reading and take it all in.

I was pleasantly surprised to finally find language for a journey I'd been on by myself since a few years. This introduction succeeded in making me feel less 'out of the ordinary', gave me language to talk about what I experienced, and put me further on the path of learning to discover my own parts and what they might need.

The book contains a few exercises in which you reflect on your own parts, get to (hopefully) feel your Self emerge, etc. If you open your mind to these, they are certain to make you pause, look inside and emerge with new knowledge about yourself that you can take with you on your healing journey. I, for one, am very thankful for the insights they brought me.

A great introduction for both psychologists and the general public. You gather both theoretical insight through getting to know a new approach, as well as practical insight through the exercises. I also kept a close eye on how my different parts reacted to the information that was presented in this book, which is another source of self-discovery. I am left curious to learn more about IFS!

*ARC provided by the publisher through Netgalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*

[Kayley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know a lot of therapists whom I truly admire who love IFS, but I don't think it's for me. It felt to me like there was no consistent philosophy of science and no clear understanding of the mechanism of change or of the sustaining factors for me. At times the author would speak very critically of theories like behaviorism and evolutionary theory, only to then later use those theories to bolster his own points. Ultimately, I like this over-arching message and it's clearly resonating with people so that's good - but it's not for me.

[Bradley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent introduction, definitely only that though. Can't wait to learn the theory in more depth. a well laid out and seemingly true theory of the person and how to deal with them therapeutically.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A psychological model that examines the self as a collection of distinct subpersonalities that may be in competition or collaboration. These internal "parts" can be treated much like family therapy.

[Jacquelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to digest. Super interesting.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Potent Quotables:

Curiosity is often the first step because until you have heard a part’s reasons for being the way it is, you’ll have trouble feeling compassion for it… If we don’t attack our parts, they can drop their guard. Then we can get to know who they really are and why they do what they do, and then we can help them change… As each part drops its extreme role, all the parts begin to change their relationships with one another, eventually becoming an integrated, harmonious group… Just like people in a family or countries in international politics, polarized parts cannot and will not change unilaterally… Achieving harmony and balance between crew members is not possible without effective leadership. Fortunately, everyone already has a capable internal leader.

How might your view of yourself change if you accepted the idea that your core Self is inherently good, wise, courageous, compassionate, joyful, and calm? Take a few minutes to imagine how your life would be different if you had more access to those qualities on a daily basis and trusted that this calm, joyful Self was your true identity.

Consider what might be good about having parts. What would it be like if you knew with confidence that your most repulsive or disdainful thoughts or feelings were coming from little parts of you rather than being the essence of your identity?

Children are born with an overriding desire to be valued and an intense terror when they sense they aren’t. What people call self-esteem is really a sense of security that one was valued as a child and is likely to survive. If caregivers seem to like you, you might make it; if not, you may be doomed.

No matter how compassionately you treat your firefighters, they won’t be able to change as long as there’s a fire to be fought. In other words, until the exiles that they protect or distract you from are healed, your firefighters will still have the same old impulses.

Focus on a thought or feeling, ask it a question, and wait patiently for an answer to come from inside rather than trying to guess or imagine what the part would say.

This is a common sequence in IFS work: We first help you get to know and appreciate the parts that protect your system. Because they are on guard all the time, they usually are not ready to be healed until your system is less vulnerable. So we ask permission to go to the vulnerable ones and heal them first. Once they are less vulnerable, your protectors relax a bit and will submit to the healing process.

[Nicki Escudero · Rating 5 out of 5]

My therapist lent this book to me, as she uses elements of the internal family systems model in her counseling work. The idea is that there are different parts that live inside us. Some are "exiled" parts that we try to push away or ignore, like fears and insecurities. Others are "managers", which seek to give us techniques that cover up the exiled parts to the world, such as achieving things or putting on a mask of happiness. And others are "firefighters", which are quick fixes in the form of vapid pleasures like TV, food and alcohol.

Schwartz proposes that instead of trying to push away or ignore certain parts of ourselves, it's better to tap into our spiritual Self way of being and become curious about each of our parts. For example, our angry part might be trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt like we did during childhood. A part that causes us to withdraw from the world may be trying to protect us from a part that's experienced trauma in the past. Instead of trying to cover up trauma or hurt, or reject our angry side, for example, it's more effective to learn about each part's purpose in our lives. In that way, we can get on the path to healing.

I like this approach because I find it relatable. I struggle with parts that are at war with each other sometimes and admittedly use distractions to escape from them instead of addressing them. By having the patience and understanding to learn more about parts before reacting to them, we can get closer to our true sense of Self and start to heal the parts we've habitually avoided or let control our lives in negative ways.

[Eduardo Santiago]

Our brains are a complex amalgam of systems with different, sometimes conflicting, priorities and values. This is not controversial. What Schwartz seems to be doing is imposing a homunculus model on top of this, one where each "part" is its own little person that you can talk to and will talk back. This, to me, feels weird. It takes a much better imagination than mine. Fortunately, most people seem to fit that category, and I can see how this could be a wonderful approach toward healing. Those of us who are aphantasic, and with no inner voice, and who firmly believe that there is no such thing as a capital-ess Self, I guess we're stuck with meditation. There are worse fates.

Unrated, because I Just Don't Get It, but I will try to mindfully recommend this to my more normal friends.

(Side note: I read this in response to a conversation with friend K. who had just read it. IFS sounded like something that a therapist had tried with me for several years, unsuccessfully, much to the frustration of both. This book has given me a greater understanding of what s/he was trying to accomplish, and my current awareness of my limitations helps me understand why that did not and could never work. Too soon old, too late smart.)

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful and interesting. When I picked it up on the recommendation of my therapist, I thought it was going to be about the roles each person plays in a bizarre, dysfunctional family. That wasn't the case at all. This model is all about how we have different parts inside of us that play different roles- they try to protect us, they're angry, they motivate us, they shame us. By talking to these parts and being curious about their aims, we can create a more whole version of our Self and live life in a more balanced and sustainable way.

This would be hard to implement without a therapist, but it definitely got me thinking and is a good jumping off point. Also noteworthy: Jonathan Van Ness starts off his first book Over the Top with a summary of this therapy model and a discussion of his own parts! Such a fun and fascinating connection.

[Rachel Nielsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This is a very accessible yet profound introduction to the Internal Family Systems therapy modality. The premise is that we are all composed of different internal parts (emotions, feelings, behavior patterns, etc) that function like a family inside us. If you have experienced trauma, these different parts can get stuck, leading to disharmony and disfunction for us. These parts tend to fall into three categories- exiles (the ones who still carry the trauma that we don’t want to feel), firefighters (the ones who try to numb the exiles), and the managers (the ones to try to control everything to avoid triggering the exiles). When we can slow down and “befriend” these parts, we can reach understanding about why they do what they do, and then help them to calm down. This was pretty intuitive for me and I have already gained some insight just from doing the exercises in the chapters.

[Johnny Woo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dominance, dictatorship, power, hierarchy, racism, capitalism…whatever you “it” — that system that fuels us. Well, this model basically sets that up within the body. There’s a “Self,” who acts as the supreme being. The savior. The one who controls the other parts. The one who is all-knowing. God, you might say. And all the other parts in the body are lower than the Self and have to learn to look up to and trust the guidance of the Self in order to be complete in their functionality. Idk. Sounds like a lot of conflict within the body. ➗

But, it sells to those interested in this particular kind of set up.

[Vincent Vukovic · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book greatly expanded my thinking about the complexities of inner life. Instead of thinking that my thoughts, emotions, and actions originate from one single mind, I learned that there are multitudes within me. If you can get past some mental obstacles, like thinking it is weird to think about having different personalities within yourself, you can truly discover new things. This was very much needed for me when I experience loneliness, sorrow, anxiety about the future and other things.

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learnt about this therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS) only last year and have been fascinated by the approach of looking internally at yourself labelled as "parts" and that those "parts" were "formed in order to protect the being that is "you."
I feel like Alice falling down the Rabbit Hole and about to go on an adventure. My curiosity has peeked and I'm up for the "madness."

[Domenic Ciampa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shallow criticisms of 'western civilization' ✅
Watered down eastern spirituality ✅
Frequent use of popular quotes and cliches to convey the central spirit of the text ✅

Yeah, this is a grift... The idea of 'parts' is conceptually sound (and better represented across other modalities) but the author's slapdash writing and the general lack of rigor really kill this one for me. I can see how people might benefit from IFS in practice, but this movement desperately needs a new thought leader if its to have any staying power.

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Las premisas de este modelo son interesantes, pero hay algunos detalles que no me terminan de convencer o que no comprendo plenamente. La narración la he sentido lenta y un tanto repetitiva. Creo que igualmente satisfecha habría quedado si me hubiera leído solo el anexo que resume toda la información presentada en los distintos capítulos.

[Lily Savannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was already a bit familiar with IFS which made the book a bit easier to understand from the get-go. Not sure how well it would translate to someone coming at it fresh. Very interesting, great read, a lot to learn from it !!

[Maureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good introduction

[Noah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m intrigued.

[Sunny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model that views the mind as made up of sub-personalities (“parts”) and a core Self, aiming to heal inner conflicts through compassionate internal dialogue. I was in Amsterdam about a year ago talking to a friend and a couple of older psychologist looking ladies overheard our conversation about internal family systems and said that they had also heard of it and that it was a incredible therapy for wholeness and healing. It essentially says that we is individuals have the subsections within us which have got quite unique subpersonalities and if we can understand the dialogue that happens between these internal family systems and some of these internal dialogues. We can better understand how we operate and how we deal with difficult situations in life potentially. Here are the best bits from the book:

It may seem strange to think of having a relationship with a thought or emotion, but we can't avoid it. Thoughts and emotions live with us, and we have to relate to them one way or another. Just as with difficult people in your family or work environment, how they affect you and how you interact with them will make a difference.

As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.'

The most obvious of these is the doctrine of original sin, started by Saint Augustine and promoted by much of Western Christianity since his time. According to this notion, because of the Fall-Adam and Eve's transgression-humanity has been cursed to be born in sin and to have a base, selfish constitution. According to that perspective, our passions are evidence of our ongoing sinful state.

We must spend our lives controlling passionate emotions and impulses, and reminding ourselves of our basic sinfulness. While many contemporary Christians have moved away from that position, it has had a huge impact on Western culture's belies about people. Those beliefs didn't exist in Christianity before Saint Augustine and, in fact, many early Christian leaders subscribed to the opposite belief, which might be called "original blessing."

According to an ancient Hindu legend, there was a time when the gods were trying to decide where to hide the secret to peace and joy. They didn't want humans to find it until they were ready to appreciate it.

One god said, "Let's hide it on the highest mountain." Another said,

"No, it would be found there too soon and too easily." Another god suggested hiding it deep in the densest forest, but that location was rejected for the same reason. After many other suggestions and rejections, the wisest god said, "Hide it in the human heart-that's the last place they'll look." The gods all agreed, so that's where they put it.



Others describe such a person as open, confident, and accepting-as having presence. You feel immediately at ease when someone is Selfled, sensing that it is safe to relax and release your own Self. When a person is in such a state, they generate remarks like, "I like them because I don't have to pretend I can be myself with them." From the person's eyes, voice, body language, and energy, you can tell you are in the presence of someone who is authentic, solid, and unpretentious. You are attracted by the lack of agenda or need for self-promotion, as well as by their passion for life and commitment to service.

witnessing asking about and listening to a person or part with genuine curiosity and with the intent to achieve the next quality: compassion.

People with this kind of confidence are charismatic (yet another word that begins with the letter C), not in the sense of being flashy, clever, or powerful but in the way the Greeks originally used the word to mean "having the gift of grace."

It is also a valuable introduction to the possibility that you can have conversations with emotions and thoughts, and that if you are respectful of them and address their fears, they often become more able to respect your requests.

To get a clearer picture of my clients' parts, I used an "empty chai" technique in which they would imagine they were talking to one of their parts in an empty chair across from them and then switch seats

We may talk about our inner child, our super ego, or our temper but very few of us consider those to be literal inner beings. Instead we think of them as metaphor for emotional states or as aspects of our unity personalities.


I's as if we each have within us a collection of people of various ages, temperaments, and talents who, when they aren't burdened by the past or fighting with one another, can assist in any activity. When our internal families are relating harmoniously, a part with a specific talent will come forward when that talent is needed, and others will recede.

For example, I have worked with sports figures to help them find a part that has extraordinary athletic prowess so that when they perform, it can enter their body reliably and consistently rather than only occasionally


For many other clients, however, the changes in their external lives are less dramatic. They find ways to enrich or slow down the lives they already lead. They often add creative endeavours, time in nature, new relationships, or service-based volunteer activities, and they subtract things that were done primarily to soothe or distract from their pain and shame. They become less obsessed with achievement, money, computers, time management, and appearance, and move toward wanting to just be with people or with themselves. They ride more smoothly over bumps in the rocky road of life that used to send them reeling, because they now seem to have better shock absorbers.



Think of times in your life when you felt humiliated, grief-stricken, terrified, or abandoned. What have you tried to do with the memories, sensations, and emotions from those events? If you are like most people, you have tried to forget about them—to bury them deep in your mind. Think also about what the people around you told you to do with them. Many of us grew up in cultures and families where we've absorbed a great deal of disdain for weakness and impatience with emotional pain.

Most of us received some version of the message

Even now, five million children die each year before age five.

Human infants are high-maintenance organisms. They require constant attention and effort, remaining dependent on caregivers for an extraordinary period relative to other animals. For some, disapproval can equal death or extreme suffering. Consequently, children are born with an overriding desire to be valued and an intense terror when they sense they aren't. What people call self-esteem is really a sense of security that one was valued as a child and is likely to survive.



Managers I call the protective parts that are responsible for our day-to-day safety the managers. For many of us, they are the voices we hear most often, to the point where we come to think of ourselves as those voices or thoughts.



Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "And what is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not been discovered"" When our parts seem like weeds to be pulled, its because we haven't taken the time to learn of their beauty.



Firefighters

As hard as our managers work to construct a protective fortress around us and to control us, our relationships, and events in the world, the world has a way of breaking through their defences at times and triggering our exiles. For all the reasons discussed earlier, this is a very threatening state. It can feel like the panic of a red alert in a nuclear reactor-as though were about to have a meltdown. We all have parts that go into action at that point to put out the fire, so I call them fine-fighters.



What's your first impulse when you begin to feel the desperate burning of hurt, emptiness, worthlessness, shame, rejection, loneliness, or fear? Which urge do you act upon to take away that fire in your belly? Which ones do you only fantasize about? Many of us, in a compromise with our managers, binge on something more socially acceptable-work, food, exercise, TV, shopping, dieting, flirting, sleep-ing, prescription drugs, cigarettes, coffee, daydreams and fantasies, gambling, meditating, or thrill-seeking activities-in an effort to distract from the flames until they burn themselves out or are doused. When our effort doesn't work, our firefighters will resort to more drastic and less acceptable means, such as illegal drugs, alcohol, suicidal thoughts or behaviour, rage and acts of domination, self-mutilation, compulsive sexual activity, secret affairs, stealing, or getting into punitive relationships. Many of my clients resort to the second list Immediately because their firefighters have found over the years that the first list doesn't do much to snuff out the flames of emotion.



So your managers and firefighters are both trying to protect your system, but they do so in opposite ways. Managers are pre-emptive-they try to anticipate anything that might upset your exiles and try to control your environment to keep you safe. Most managers are also concerned about pleasing people. Firefighters are reactive-they frantically jump into action as soon as the exiles are upset and the fire starts.

Their urgency makes them impulsively unconcerned about consequences. They often make you feel out of control, and they frequently displease people.



Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility



It turns out that there aren't any inherently bad parts, just good parts in bad roles-good parts carrying extreme beliefs or emotions from things that happened in the past. If you focus on them from a nonjudging, curious, or openhearted perspective, they eventually transform into something valuable. This may seem hard to believe, and it certainly runs counter to the way Western psychology has told us to relate to these parts, but it is confirmed every day in offices of IFS therapists all over the world.