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Outofshapeworthlessloser: A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out
In this explosive tell-all memoir, an Olympic figure skater reveals her battle to survive mental illness, eating disorders, and the self-destructive voice inside that she calls “outofshapeworthlessloser.”
When Gracie Gold stepped onto center stage (or ice, rather) as America’s sweetheart at the 2014 Sochi Olympics, she instantly became the face of America’s most beloved winter sport. Beautiful, blonde, Midwestern, and media-trained, she was suddenly being written up everywhere from The New Yorker to Teen Vogue to People and baking cookies with Taylor Swift.
But little did the public know what Gold was facing when the cameras were off. In 2017, she entered treatment for what was publicly announced as an eating disorder and anxiety treatment but was, in reality, suicidal ideation. While Gold’s public star was rising, her private life was falling Cracks within her family were widening, her bulimia was getting worse, and she became a survivor of sexual assault. The pressure of training for years with demanding coaches and growing up in a household that accepted nothing less than gold had finally taken its toll.
Now Gold reveals the exclusive and harrowing story of her struggles in and out of the pressure-packed world of elite figure the battles with her family, her coaches, the powers-that-be at her federation, and her deteriorating mental health.
Told with unflinching honesty and stirring defiance, Outofshapeworthlessloser is not only a forceful reckoning from a world-class athlete but also an intimate account of surviving as a young woman in a society that rewards appearances more than anything and demands perfection at all costs.
When Gracie Gold stepped onto center stage (or ice, rather) as America’s sweetheart at the 2014 Sochi Olympics, she instantly became the face of America’s most beloved winter sport. Beautiful, blonde, Midwestern, and media-trained, she was suddenly being written up everywhere from The New Yorker to Teen Vogue to People and baking cookies with Taylor Swift.
But little did the public know what Gold was facing when the cameras were off. In 2017, she entered treatment for what was publicly announced as an eating disorder and anxiety treatment but was, in reality, suicidal ideation. While Gold’s public star was rising, her private life was falling Cracks within her family were widening, her bulimia was getting worse, and she became a survivor of sexual assault. The pressure of training for years with demanding coaches and growing up in a household that accepted nothing less than gold had finally taken its toll.
Now Gold reveals the exclusive and harrowing story of her struggles in and out of the pressure-packed world of elite figure the battles with her family, her coaches, the powers-that-be at her federation, and her deteriorating mental health.
Told with unflinching honesty and stirring defiance, Outofshapeworthlessloser is not only a forceful reckoning from a world-class athlete but also an intimate account of surviving as a young woman in a society that rewards appearances more than anything and demands perfection at all costs.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published February 6, 2024
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6294 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 643 reviews
February 8, 2024
Every so often I start reading a book and it just isn’t for me. I thought this was one of those books. Usually I will toss it aside and try something else. But, since I’m a huge fan of figure skating, and I remember the author while she was competing, I kept going.
I am very glad I did.
Gracie Gold bares her soul in this memoir about her days in the world of figure skating. She tells the reader, with unparalleled honesty, about the demons she was fighting: eating disorders, OCD, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, a family that was falling to pieces, among others. She tells of her days in rehab, and the long road to recovery. Anyone watching her compete would have no idea Gold was going through such trauma. I can’t imagine how she kept it all bottled up inside.
Because she speaks so honestly, I believe Gold has helped a lot of people by writing her story. We can all relate to the struggles she mentions, although probably not on the same level as an Olympic figure skater.
I found myself thinking that Gracie Gold would be an awesome friend. Anyone who speaks so honestly, and who is so willing to share her experience to help others, is someone I would love to know personally.
At one time I admired Gold for her skating. After reading her memoir, I admire her infinitely more.
I am very glad I did.
Gracie Gold bares her soul in this memoir about her days in the world of figure skating. She tells the reader, with unparalleled honesty, about the demons she was fighting: eating disorders, OCD, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, a family that was falling to pieces, among others. She tells of her days in rehab, and the long road to recovery. Anyone watching her compete would have no idea Gold was going through such trauma. I can’t imagine how she kept it all bottled up inside.
Because she speaks so honestly, I believe Gold has helped a lot of people by writing her story. We can all relate to the struggles she mentions, although probably not on the same level as an Olympic figure skater.
I found myself thinking that Gracie Gold would be an awesome friend. Anyone who speaks so honestly, and who is so willing to share her experience to help others, is someone I would love to know personally.
At one time I admired Gold for her skating. After reading her memoir, I admire her infinitely more.
February 11, 2024
Gracie, I am truly sorry for what you went through. But I don't think that this was the right response. Further reflection is necessary to understand that you, while a victim, do in fact bear responsibility for your life and your actions.
I was horrified at your constant portrayal of being a victim only. Key word: only. Yes, you have a rough relationship with your family. Yes, there are traumatic events that have happened to you. But did you think about what you put your sister through? You don't seem genuinely sorry about that. Or your coaches? Particularly Frank? You say a few times, oh, I can't blame him for not seeing that I was struggling... and then proceed to do exactly that! You can't have it both ways. This book tetters back and forth between announcing that you cannot blame people and then doing so. You call people out for not helping you, but every time they try, you say you're fine. Is it so wrong of them to believe you? It's hard to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
A crucial part of recovery is acknowledging how YOU hurt other people. Having a mental illness does not excuse you from doing the groundwork necessary to try to heal the relationships that you contributed to breaking.
---
Additionally, did you REALLY publish someone's SUICIDE NOTE (pg. 226-227) to you??? Excuse me? That is just the most 'main-character-energy' shit I have ever seen in my life. It is an ineffective and ill-advised method of supposedly honoring someone and only serves to further your own plot about whether you were friends with a sexual predator.
This book should have been kept in the therapy journal. Good luck, Gold.
I was horrified at your constant portrayal of being a victim only. Key word: only. Yes, you have a rough relationship with your family. Yes, there are traumatic events that have happened to you. But did you think about what you put your sister through? You don't seem genuinely sorry about that. Or your coaches? Particularly Frank? You say a few times, oh, I can't blame him for not seeing that I was struggling... and then proceed to do exactly that! You can't have it both ways. This book tetters back and forth between announcing that you cannot blame people and then doing so. You call people out for not helping you, but every time they try, you say you're fine. Is it so wrong of them to believe you? It's hard to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
A crucial part of recovery is acknowledging how YOU hurt other people. Having a mental illness does not excuse you from doing the groundwork necessary to try to heal the relationships that you contributed to breaking.
---
Additionally, did you REALLY publish someone's SUICIDE NOTE (pg. 226-227) to you??? Excuse me? That is just the most 'main-character-energy' shit I have ever seen in my life. It is an ineffective and ill-advised method of supposedly honoring someone and only serves to further your own plot about whether you were friends with a sexual predator.
This book should have been kept in the therapy journal. Good luck, Gold.
April 25, 2024
I was never really involved in sports but this book really opened my eyes to what professional skaters go through. I had a very volatile childhood. I have always had low self esteem, anxiety and depression. I turned to drinking to block out my unhappy life as I became a young adult. I was on a downward spiral. I knew I had to make a change so I went to several therapist until I found the right one. I wish I would've had this book to read earlier in my life. I couldn't put it down and I felt some of the pain she was went through. What a great book. After reading this book I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Thanks so much Gracie for sharing. Highly recommend.
January 31, 2024
First there was Grace Elizabeth—happy on skates, but without skating being her whole life. Then there was Gracie Gold—gold in name and on the ice. And then, perhaps inevitably in the pressure cooker that is a competitive, heavily image-focused sport, there was Outofshapeworthlessloser.
Gold is not here to pull punches—while her primary focus is on skating, and her skating career, she also delves deep into what was going on both in skating culture and within her personal life that impacted that career, for better and often for worse. I don't follow skating, but it sounds like a roller coaster of an experience, both on and off the ice.
Mostly chronological, the book loses some focus near the end as Gold shifts to occasional non-linear chapters. In particular, I wished that the chapters about her current relationship and about her changing chest size had been folded into the rest of the book rather than standing largely alone—the latter in particular makes sense in the context of the book, as skating is ones of those sports where a shifting body can require a lot of adjustments, but setting it as a separate chapter dilutes the impact (we don't see it affecting Gold throughout) and adds to the occasional sense that this is her chance for a manifesto. (Or...a chance to get things off her chest?)
Gold is perhaps at her most interesting when considering how different coaching styles impacted her training—in particular, the focus on (to paraphrase) the way young skaters are often asked to give 110% until they burn out, and her wondering whether there could be a different, more sustainable model that would allow skaters longer, healthier careers. I don't have the background for an informed opinion on what sort of success is possible with a comeback after the rise and (partial) fall of a skating career, but she raises interesting questions about when, and under what circumstances, it is time to call it quits—and when it is worth carrying on.
Skating is still very much Gold's world, in various ways, but I'll be curious to see whether her eventual next steps are in line with that or whether she'll shift directions.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
Gold is not here to pull punches—while her primary focus is on skating, and her skating career, she also delves deep into what was going on both in skating culture and within her personal life that impacted that career, for better and often for worse. I don't follow skating, but it sounds like a roller coaster of an experience, both on and off the ice.
Mostly chronological, the book loses some focus near the end as Gold shifts to occasional non-linear chapters. In particular, I wished that the chapters about her current relationship and about her changing chest size had been folded into the rest of the book rather than standing largely alone—the latter in particular makes sense in the context of the book, as skating is ones of those sports where a shifting body can require a lot of adjustments, but setting it as a separate chapter dilutes the impact (we don't see it affecting Gold throughout) and adds to the occasional sense that this is her chance for a manifesto. (Or...a chance to get things off her chest?)
Gold is perhaps at her most interesting when considering how different coaching styles impacted her training—in particular, the focus on (to paraphrase) the way young skaters are often asked to give 110% until they burn out, and her wondering whether there could be a different, more sustainable model that would allow skaters longer, healthier careers. I don't have the background for an informed opinion on what sort of success is possible with a comeback after the rise and (partial) fall of a skating career, but she raises interesting questions about when, and under what circumstances, it is time to call it quits—and when it is worth carrying on.
Skating is still very much Gold's world, in various ways, but I'll be curious to see whether her eventual next steps are in line with that or whether she'll shift directions.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
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March 23, 2024I feel like I can't really give this a star rating...brutally honest as it should be, and pretty brave on Gracie's part, but I still have reservations about twentysomethings writing memoirs. there was more than one instance when I feel this could've benefitted from more time and distance.
April 2, 2025
Outofshapeworthlessloser is the alter ego of Olympic champion figure skater Gracie Gold.
Awards won:
2014 Olympics - Team Event 🥉, Women’s singles 4th
US Championships - 2 🥇, 2 🥈
World Teams - 2 🥇, 1🥈
2012 World Junior Championships - 🥉
Clearly she is a phenomenal figure skater, so why the shameful nickname?
In her memoir, Gold details her struggle with anorexia, depression, anxiety, bulimia, OCD, and suicidal ideation after not living up to expectations in the 2014 Olympics. Why didn’t she win the gold medal? It must be because she is an outofshapeworthlessloser.
Gold’s chaotic home life contributed to her fears of losing control - her mother was an alcoholic, her dad was having countless affairs, and she later became a rape survivor. She also felt enormous pressure as the main source of income for her family after her dad was disbarred and could no longer practice medicine.
Soon after the 2014 Olympics, Gold checked herself into a wellness facility to receive treatment. With the help she received, she planned her comeback to the sport of figure skating. Could she do it? Or would outofshapeworthlessloser get in the way?
I am a huge fan of figure skating. Skaters make it look so easy, but it is one of the most difficult Olympic sports! I remember watching Gold compete in 2014 and her cringeworthy interview. I always wondered why she made those odd statements and was glad to finally have the answers.
I listened to the audiobook which is read by the author. I enjoyed this format, but felt like she was reading about someone else’s life instead of her own. She seemed so dissociated from her own life, while also delivering critical and brazen truths. The structure of the memoir is at times confusing. It does not really follow a chronological timeline, but rather skips around to different episodes in her life.
Gold experienced MAJOR trauma in her life, but now seems to be on a better path to finding self-fulfillment through coaching. She continues to question the harmful culture of figure skating, and hopes to help improve the sport for future generations.
4/5 stars
Awards won:
2014 Olympics - Team Event 🥉, Women’s singles 4th
US Championships - 2 🥇, 2 🥈
World Teams - 2 🥇, 1🥈
2012 World Junior Championships - 🥉
Clearly she is a phenomenal figure skater, so why the shameful nickname?
In her memoir, Gold details her struggle with anorexia, depression, anxiety, bulimia, OCD, and suicidal ideation after not living up to expectations in the 2014 Olympics. Why didn’t she win the gold medal? It must be because she is an outofshapeworthlessloser.
Gold’s chaotic home life contributed to her fears of losing control - her mother was an alcoholic, her dad was having countless affairs, and she later became a rape survivor. She also felt enormous pressure as the main source of income for her family after her dad was disbarred and could no longer practice medicine.
Soon after the 2014 Olympics, Gold checked herself into a wellness facility to receive treatment. With the help she received, she planned her comeback to the sport of figure skating. Could she do it? Or would outofshapeworthlessloser get in the way?
I am a huge fan of figure skating. Skaters make it look so easy, but it is one of the most difficult Olympic sports! I remember watching Gold compete in 2014 and her cringeworthy interview. I always wondered why she made those odd statements and was glad to finally have the answers.
I listened to the audiobook which is read by the author. I enjoyed this format, but felt like she was reading about someone else’s life instead of her own. She seemed so dissociated from her own life, while also delivering critical and brazen truths. The structure of the memoir is at times confusing. It does not really follow a chronological timeline, but rather skips around to different episodes in her life.
Gold experienced MAJOR trauma in her life, but now seems to be on a better path to finding self-fulfillment through coaching. She continues to question the harmful culture of figure skating, and hopes to help improve the sport for future generations.
4/5 stars
February 8, 2024
So glad this book is finally out in the world for everyone to experience!
This book is gut wrenching and perfectly imperfect. Unlike Prince Harry, Gracie knows she still hasn't figured it all out yet. It's a better version of I'm Glad My Mom Died. It's a story about a woman who was considered a golden girl "literally" and was on top of the world when she found herself in a battle to save herself. "Why did you come back to skating?... But as I see it, they're asking the wrong question. It should be, "Why did you ever leave?" And if I was asked that, I'd say, simply, because I had lost my faith that you and I could bring out the best, not the worst, in each other.... I could have loved you differently, but I could not have loved you more."
I'm so glad Gracie ripped into Johnny and Tara for their atrocious commentary, and I hope they publicly apologize. I remember vividly watching live as they said horrific things about her, and I'm so glad this book gives them their comeuppance.
Chapter 17 broke my heart. It's about John Coughlin, a skater who as accused of sexually assaulting multiple women, including Ashley Wagner. He took his own life before the case was resolved. So many people in the skating world handled it incredible poorly, by casting doubt on and blaming the victims, and Nationals was full of skaters wearing Kansas City hats in the kiss and cry in his honor. I was nervous how Gracie would handle this as she was not only a survivor of sexual assault herself, but best friends with him, and as it turns out, in love with him. He even wrote her a suicide letter that Gracie includes in this book, and it is heartbreaking. Gracie handled it in a way that felt so raw and real, and she focuses on her attempt to reconcile the man she knew with the abusive man others knew. At the end of the chapter, she concludes, "I don't know for sure if if John was innocent or not. It's a lose-lose situation. If he was guilty, it means I fell in love with a sexual predator. What would that make me? His respectability beard? Or so broken that I gave - and might again give - my heart to the worst kind of person?...And if he was innocent, the person I fell in love with and thought I might spend the rest of my life with is dead." It really got me.
In the end, one of the things Gracie concludes at the end of the book is that she has since figured out her problems were not with the physical act of skating - that part was beautiful. It was with the toxic and abusive system, the coaches, USFSA, the judges, the media.
It will break your heart but it will also make you feel seen.
This book is gut wrenching and perfectly imperfect. Unlike Prince Harry, Gracie knows she still hasn't figured it all out yet. It's a better version of I'm Glad My Mom Died. It's a story about a woman who was considered a golden girl "literally" and was on top of the world when she found herself in a battle to save herself. "Why did you come back to skating?... But as I see it, they're asking the wrong question. It should be, "Why did you ever leave?" And if I was asked that, I'd say, simply, because I had lost my faith that you and I could bring out the best, not the worst, in each other.... I could have loved you differently, but I could not have loved you more."
I'm so glad Gracie ripped into Johnny and Tara for their atrocious commentary, and I hope they publicly apologize. I remember vividly watching live as they said horrific things about her, and I'm so glad this book gives them their comeuppance.
Chapter 17 broke my heart. It's about John Coughlin, a skater who as accused of sexually assaulting multiple women, including Ashley Wagner. He took his own life before the case was resolved. So many people in the skating world handled it incredible poorly, by casting doubt on and blaming the victims, and Nationals was full of skaters wearing Kansas City hats in the kiss and cry in his honor. I was nervous how Gracie would handle this as she was not only a survivor of sexual assault herself, but best friends with him, and as it turns out, in love with him. He even wrote her a suicide letter that Gracie includes in this book, and it is heartbreaking. Gracie handled it in a way that felt so raw and real, and she focuses on her attempt to reconcile the man she knew with the abusive man others knew. At the end of the chapter, she concludes, "I don't know for sure if if John was innocent or not. It's a lose-lose situation. If he was guilty, it means I fell in love with a sexual predator. What would that make me? His respectability beard? Or so broken that I gave - and might again give - my heart to the worst kind of person?...And if he was innocent, the person I fell in love with and thought I might spend the rest of my life with is dead." It really got me.
In the end, one of the things Gracie concludes at the end of the book is that she has since figured out her problems were not with the physical act of skating - that part was beautiful. It was with the toxic and abusive system, the coaches, USFSA, the judges, the media.
It will break your heart but it will also make you feel seen.
February 23, 2024
I remember when 14 y/o Gracie Gold first burst on the skating scene, and have followed the highs and lows of her professional career since (including the "whatever happened to her?" chatter in the skating community once she withdrew from the spotlight. This book was jaw dropping in its context and vulnerability, and just goes to show how little we know of someone's life and yet how quick human nature is judge, blame, and condemn.
April 27, 2024
All you need in life are a few people who believe in you.
Gracie Gold seemed to have it all: the talent and drive to have already won a US Skating Championship, poise beyond her years, classical beauty, and the best possible name for an Olympic athlete. It’s no wonder that she became one of the main faces of the US team at the 2014 Winter Olympics, where she won a team bronze and placed 4th in the Women’s competition against a strong field (and probably at least one Russian cheater). But while those Games seemed a prelude for even bigger things to come, Gracie Gold never made it back to another Olympics. The world thought she fell apart after failing to medal at the 2016 World Championships despite leading after the short program. But the world had cause and effect backwards: she was already falling apart and that’s why she could not sustain her skating.
Outofshapeworthlessloser is Gracie Gold finally telling the whole story of her career and life. On one level, the tragedy within her story feels like a conglomeration of other stories you’ve heard before: coaches who push too hard to the point of bullying, parents who fail to stop them and protect their child, parents’ unhappiness spilling over into their children, eating disorders, depression, an unpunished sexual assault, suicidal ideation, and then—thankfully—a level of recovery and acceptance.
But Outofshapeworthlessloser is unusually powerful. First of all, she is surprisingly candid about the events of her life, including about the ways she hurt those around her, most of all her twin sister Carly. Because she lived in the public eye (there are YouTube videos of her best, and worst, performances) she can be quite detailed about specific moments of joy (her Firebird performance at the 2016 US Championships) and pain (most notably, from 2016 Worlds through 2017 Champs Camp). She draws a clear line from some of the unique pressures of competitive figure skating—unlike most sports, being rail-thin is practically the only way to land a triple axel—fed first into her perfectionism and then later into her more self-destructive tendencies.
Outofshapeworthlessloser serves as another reminder that you never know other peoples’ inner lives or the reason for their struggles. The book is painful, but also stunning and completely absorbing. Strongly recommended.
March 3, 2024
Gracie Gold is not fucking around in this memoir.
I appreciated her goal, which I believe she achieves, of laying unsparingly bare the ugly realities behind the burdensome mantle forced upon her at a young age of an idealized, Grace Kelly-lookalike, America’s Sweetheart expected to glide around flawlessly smiling and bedecked with medals for her country as reflected in her handed-to-the-media last name.
The truth behind these unattainable expectations is that Gracie was struggling in the toxic, conservative, patriarchal world of professional ice skating and contending with personal challenges including major depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety, sensory issues, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, sexual assault, grief and loss, chronic pain and injury, and family trauma such as parental substance abuse.
Since Gracie’s goal is to correct the record and deliver the grit behind the gloss, this is a pretty raw and honest, unadorned, plainspoken and straightforward account of Gracie’s past, present, and continuing journey toward integration, healing, and authenticity, and toward self-acceptance and self-compassion foremost. It’s relayed frankly, conversationally, and casually, in her own words, and it can be pretty bleak at times: the woman has been through a hell of a lot especially given her still-young age, and she is the first to admit she’s still a work in progress.
However, there is a lot of hope in this story, both for Gracie and for other skaters, athletes, and survivors. I admire and value her willingness to tell truths that need to be told about depression and mental health, including BDD and EDs, and to share her unique insider account from within the dysfunctional, to put it mildly, world of professional skating and sport. And I was really glad that Gracie has gotten to a place where is she able to relay parts of her story seemingly without any major shits to give about what some others may think or how it may come across. This must feel like such a great antidote to the secrecy, shame, stigma, and judgment that prevailed during her pro skating career.
Most of all, I am grateful that Gracie’s story demonstrates she is now able to give herself permission to prioritize progress and process over perfection - a principle that also seems to inform the coaching work she is now doing with young skaters. This is a great step for any athlete - or for any woman generally - held to a relentless Perfect 10 standard both internally and externally on the daily.
I wish her continued health and wellbeing in her journey!
I appreciated her goal, which I believe she achieves, of laying unsparingly bare the ugly realities behind the burdensome mantle forced upon her at a young age of an idealized, Grace Kelly-lookalike, America’s Sweetheart expected to glide around flawlessly smiling and bedecked with medals for her country as reflected in her handed-to-the-media last name.
The truth behind these unattainable expectations is that Gracie was struggling in the toxic, conservative, patriarchal world of professional ice skating and contending with personal challenges including major depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety, sensory issues, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, sexual assault, grief and loss, chronic pain and injury, and family trauma such as parental substance abuse.
Since Gracie’s goal is to correct the record and deliver the grit behind the gloss, this is a pretty raw and honest, unadorned, plainspoken and straightforward account of Gracie’s past, present, and continuing journey toward integration, healing, and authenticity, and toward self-acceptance and self-compassion foremost. It’s relayed frankly, conversationally, and casually, in her own words, and it can be pretty bleak at times: the woman has been through a hell of a lot especially given her still-young age, and she is the first to admit she’s still a work in progress.
However, there is a lot of hope in this story, both for Gracie and for other skaters, athletes, and survivors. I admire and value her willingness to tell truths that need to be told about depression and mental health, including BDD and EDs, and to share her unique insider account from within the dysfunctional, to put it mildly, world of professional skating and sport. And I was really glad that Gracie has gotten to a place where is she able to relay parts of her story seemingly without any major shits to give about what some others may think or how it may come across. This must feel like such a great antidote to the secrecy, shame, stigma, and judgment that prevailed during her pro skating career.
Most of all, I am grateful that Gracie’s story demonstrates she is now able to give herself permission to prioritize progress and process over perfection - a principle that also seems to inform the coaching work she is now doing with young skaters. This is a great step for any athlete - or for any woman generally - held to a relentless Perfect 10 standard both internally and externally on the daily.
I wish her continued health and wellbeing in her journey!
March 14, 2024
*Audible audio *
Raw, honest, inspiring, frustrating (the skating world ), hopeful.
Thanks Gracie gold 🫂
Her journey gives me hope for my own struggles..ours are different but each are important.
Each day can be different, and having hope isn't always easy. It can be hard to go easy on yourself and silence that inner voice.
I wish her well.
Raw, honest, inspiring, frustrating (the skating world ), hopeful.
Thanks Gracie gold 🫂
Her journey gives me hope for my own struggles..ours are different but each are important.
Each day can be different, and having hope isn't always easy. It can be hard to go easy on yourself and silence that inner voice.
I wish her well.
July 17, 2024
This was a hard read, I could of done without the f bombs, and I would of like more pictures.
March 19, 2024
I read this book in one sitting. WOW, Gracie has been through it all! Gracie does not hold back in this book -- not one bit! And in that way, this book reminds me of I'm Glad My Mom Died. The stories told are harrowing and tough, but presented in a way that I could absorb without feeling totally deflated. But Gracie has been through it all: mental illness, depression, sensory issues, body dysmorphia, grief, loss, OCD, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, challenging and disruptive peer dynamics, eating disorders, abusive coaches, family trauma, addiction [I'm missing some I'm sure].
This memoir is RAW and I especially was shocked at how forthcoming she was about her family and also about Johnny and Tara's commentary during skating competitions. If you're a fan of ice skating, this book is for you!
The amount of trauma this girl has experienced is immense, but it appears she's coming through the other side a person to admire -- one that does not want to live with secrecy, shame or judgement.
Bravo, Gracie, for creating a captivating book. You are inspiring and I wish you nothing but the best!
This memoir is RAW and I especially was shocked at how forthcoming she was about her family and also about Johnny and Tara's commentary during skating competitions. If you're a fan of ice skating, this book is for you!
The amount of trauma this girl has experienced is immense, but it appears she's coming through the other side a person to admire -- one that does not want to live with secrecy, shame or judgement.
Bravo, Gracie, for creating a captivating book. You are inspiring and I wish you nothing but the best!
February 24, 2024
Her writing style did not click with me in the least. In a way it's too modern. Too blog posty. "Skating has entered the chat" ? I'm sorry, that is not memoir level writing. There were so many weird or unnecessary metaphors too. I understood what she meant the first time, I didn't need it dumbed down for me.
Any mention of someone outside of skating/her personal life felt weird to me! Why mention the longevity of Mikaela Shiffrins career when Carolina Coster is RIGHT there and from your actual sport. 31 years old, skating at her fourth Olympics. That example far more illustrates her point that skaters don't have to be tiny teenagers and can be full adult women, than it does to mention a SKIER. And the double Meghan Markle mentions? Okay.
Ultimately, I think 1) not everyone who has a story to tell is a good writer. She is not. 2) I think she wrote this too early! She's not done yet! This part of her life is still happening to her. Some of these events take place not even two years ago. Her chapter on Russian doping is so insane to me, because she already had the book deal at the time of the Beijing Olympics. She competed in a whole other grand prix series and nationals after getting this deal. She still might again someday (probably not, but it is not off the table). I don't believe she's fully done with her journey, and until she is, this feels unfinished and awkward. Or maybe I'm just really disconnected from her voice.
The book is at its best when she's exploring the toxic areas of skating and how the sport can be improved. It's at its worst when seemingly unrelated ideas come in, like her cats health crisis, or chapter 17, which while I understand its inclusion and importance to her, is nauseating.
Any mention of someone outside of skating/her personal life felt weird to me! Why mention the longevity of Mikaela Shiffrins career when Carolina Coster is RIGHT there and from your actual sport. 31 years old, skating at her fourth Olympics. That example far more illustrates her point that skaters don't have to be tiny teenagers and can be full adult women, than it does to mention a SKIER. And the double Meghan Markle mentions? Okay.
Ultimately, I think 1) not everyone who has a story to tell is a good writer. She is not. 2) I think she wrote this too early! She's not done yet! This part of her life is still happening to her. Some of these events take place not even two years ago. Her chapter on Russian doping is so insane to me, because she already had the book deal at the time of the Beijing Olympics. She competed in a whole other grand prix series and nationals after getting this deal. She still might again someday (probably not, but it is not off the table). I don't believe she's fully done with her journey, and until she is, this feels unfinished and awkward. Or maybe I'm just really disconnected from her voice.
The book is at its best when she's exploring the toxic areas of skating and how the sport can be improved. It's at its worst when seemingly unrelated ideas come in, like her cats health crisis, or chapter 17, which while I understand its inclusion and importance to her, is nauseating.
August 10, 2025
As someone who grew up in the skating world and followed Gracie’s entire career, I’m so grateful to have been able to read her whole story. I’m even more in awe of her now, seeing everything she went through, and highly recommend for anyone who is interested in the world of skating, or who followed her career too!
February 9, 2024
A fantastic memoir and a timely critique on the dark side of figure skating (and probably all elite sports, honestly).
Gracie is brutally honest about the good, the bad, and the beautiful in both her personal experiences and with skating in general. I absolutely loved her take on the Russian doping scandal and the so-called dearth of U.S. women’s medalists.
I’ve been a skating fan for decades, and skated (low level) competitively in high school. My love for the sport is immense - but it’s long overdue for a culture shift. As long as she wants to fill the role, I can think of no better voice for that movement than Gracie. This woman has been to hell and back and lived to tell the tale, I have so much respect for her.
Gracie is brutally honest about the good, the bad, and the beautiful in both her personal experiences and with skating in general. I absolutely loved her take on the Russian doping scandal and the so-called dearth of U.S. women’s medalists.
I’ve been a skating fan for decades, and skated (low level) competitively in high school. My love for the sport is immense - but it’s long overdue for a culture shift. As long as she wants to fill the role, I can think of no better voice for that movement than Gracie. This woman has been to hell and back and lived to tell the tale, I have so much respect for her.
March 3, 2024
WOW that was really interesting. it's so crazy to read about this and reinterpret the events i grew up watching but from her perspective and finding out what happened behind the scenes. i think writing this book must have been very healing for her and honestly it offers such a refreshing and open account of a sport that is so closed off and manicured, like all the crazy stories about skaters partying after international events was so funny to me LOL like i am imagining nathan chen taking shots at the comp hotel and it is just so silly to me?? but anyways i think that this book does the really important task of exposing everything that is rotten about elite skating and i think that is really important
i have a few issues though ... first i feel like she is a bit generous at assessing her prospects for competitive success at certain points ... like i don't think anyone ever really considered her a gold medal contender at the olympics or at any worlds besides 2016? also i felt some type of way about the john coughlin chapter but idk ... and for some parts like i definitely think she has not fully processed everything that has happened to her and that reflects in the ways that she talks about certain things and even brushes over some ways (like the part about vincent restencourt just dropping off the face of the earth like what happened with that) ... towards the end i also felt like the narrative/chronological structure got confusing like i was a wee bit confused about the timeline after 2020 onward. but overall i think i have to remind myself that she's absolutely an unreliable narrator -- and this is not shade because we are all totally unreliable narrators about our own lives, and i guess the point of this book is that it's her taking ownership over her story rather than some historical account of what happened? so i think this is better taken as her processing her story on her own terms instead of being taken at face value, which is ok
i really do wonder if it is possible for competitive skating on the national/international level to exist in a way that isn't toxic and rotten ... because honestly i'm not really sure? this book makes me so glad that i was never good enough at skating to get anywhere near this level of trauma lol ...
i have a few issues though ... first i feel like she is a bit generous at assessing her prospects for competitive success at certain points ... like i don't think anyone ever really considered her a gold medal contender at the olympics or at any worlds besides 2016? also i felt some type of way about the john coughlin chapter but idk ... and for some parts like i definitely think she has not fully processed everything that has happened to her and that reflects in the ways that she talks about certain things and even brushes over some ways (like the part about vincent restencourt just dropping off the face of the earth like what happened with that) ... towards the end i also felt like the narrative/chronological structure got confusing like i was a wee bit confused about the timeline after 2020 onward. but overall i think i have to remind myself that she's absolutely an unreliable narrator -- and this is not shade because we are all totally unreliable narrators about our own lives, and i guess the point of this book is that it's her taking ownership over her story rather than some historical account of what happened? so i think this is better taken as her processing her story on her own terms instead of being taken at face value, which is ok
i really do wonder if it is possible for competitive skating on the national/international level to exist in a way that isn't toxic and rotten ... because honestly i'm not really sure? this book makes me so glad that i was never good enough at skating to get anywhere near this level of trauma lol ...
February 28, 2024
I have mixed feelings about this book. While I don't deny that Gracie Gold went through a lot and had some traumatic experiences and a somewhat unstable life, she totally throws her family under the bus in revealing their problems. After writing that she wasn't going to tell her father's story of addiction she then goes on to do exactly that, revealing details about his professional life that I felt were not her details to be announcing to the world. She seemed to me that she is still very angry at her parents and it was uncomfortable to read and actually too much about them and not her.
February 26, 2024
An incredibly honest and eye-opening memoir into the life of bisexual Olympic figure skater, Gracie Gold and her career ups and downs, struggles with body dysphoria, eating disorders, depression, anxiety and overall mental health. This was great on audio narrated by the author herself and a must read for anyone looking to get into an Olympic sport or for fans of figure skating in general!
CW: sexual assault
CW: sexual assault
February 21, 2024
There are some moments of brilliance, and important topics touched in this book. But well, the writing is just not very good and whoever edited this… yikes. Either way, I think Gracie is very knowledgeable and I do appreciate how much she has talked openly about how toxic the culture surrounding figure skating is. It’s something few people with her status do. But I just don’t know about this book, I mean she talks about leaving rehab and talks about skating as a form of relapsing, and she does talk a bit about falling back in love with the sport but I’m honestly still a bit at a loss as to why she’s still competing, like it doesn’t click for me in my head.
Also feel like she could've just skipped the JC chapter like we did not need that. Or at least don’t forget to mention that the man was accused of SA by not one, not two, but FOUR different women, some of whom were harassed for coming forward by one of the people you also talk about and thank in the book, and how you deleted comments that even gestured to the very serious allegations against JC :)
Also feel like she could've just skipped the JC chapter like we did not need that. Or at least don’t forget to mention that the man was accused of SA by not one, not two, but FOUR different women, some of whom were harassed for coming forward by one of the people you also talk about and thank in the book, and how you deleted comments that even gestured to the very serious allegations against JC :)
March 2, 2024
My review by no means equates to “rating” the author’s experiences and trauma. This book struck a chord in me with perceptions of body types and a culture of under eating in the running community and being more curvy + muscular, I related a lot in this regard. This book called out the systemic issues in a sport - it’s not figure skating that’s the problem, but the people and structures in place that influence the culture of misogyny, abuse, body dysmorphia. She also gave examples: commentary, leadership, etc. and listed things that could be done better. Gracie perfectly depicted what it’s like to struggle with mental illness in a way where I hurt with her. Someone critiqued her metaphors to describe things - I don’t think she was “dumbing it down” but clearly communicating what it was like for her to those that may not understand or empathize from similar experiences.
My heart also broke when she mentioned her father’s consistent affairs - I know what it’s like to blame myself even all these years later. Chapter 17 was a tough read and was unexpected. All in all, I hope USFS takes this story and they don’t wait until it’s almost too late for other skaters that struggle in the future. I liked the ending where she clearly emphasized how she wants to break the cycle. ❤️
The reason why I took off a star: I really feel for her mom and sister. I really hope she got permission to tell their stories because some of the accounts are so personal. I feel for Carly a lot. Secondly, I think she could have waited to publish and process because I don’t think her story is done quite yet! I expect there will likely be an updated version.
My heart also broke when she mentioned her father’s consistent affairs - I know what it’s like to blame myself even all these years later. Chapter 17 was a tough read and was unexpected. All in all, I hope USFS takes this story and they don’t wait until it’s almost too late for other skaters that struggle in the future. I liked the ending where she clearly emphasized how she wants to break the cycle. ❤️
The reason why I took off a star: I really feel for her mom and sister. I really hope she got permission to tell their stories because some of the accounts are so personal. I feel for Carly a lot. Secondly, I think she could have waited to publish and process because I don’t think her story is done quite yet! I expect there will likely be an updated version.
February 8, 2024
Oof. I flew through this one; Gracie is not pulling any punches. Would recommend for any sports fan - not just skating fans. Appreciated her candor about the pressure of elite sports, the lack of tools athletes have when dealing with that pressure, and what happens when it all goes off the rails.
Read
May 5, 2024I’m not going to rate the memoirs, because I don’t want to invalidate her experience. But as a mental health professional and a former figure skater myself I want to mention a few thoughts.
No matter what happens to you, you yourself are the only person bearing responsibility for your emotions, thoughts and actions - that’s a basic psychotherapy learning. By stating that, one doesn’t negotiate that a lot of difficult and even traumatic things happened to Gracie that must have been incredibly hard to handle, especially while being in the spotlight for so many years of her life.
I hope that the people mentioned in this one (especially her sister) are okay, because the way Gracie casually talked about their struggles and reactions to family dysfunction made me deeply uneasy to put it mildly. Especially in regard to her sister, I feel like it’s not Gracie’s story to tell, but she did it anyway.
I sensed a lot of unprocessed emotions and I hope Gracie is going to address a lot of those seemingly unresolved issues in therapy or something like that.
Skating culture can be toxic, but it’s only as toxic as you’ll allow it to be.
I don’t know what to make of this. Gracie Gold went through a lot and she’s a fighter for sure.
No matter what happens to you, you yourself are the only person bearing responsibility for your emotions, thoughts and actions - that’s a basic psychotherapy learning. By stating that, one doesn’t negotiate that a lot of difficult and even traumatic things happened to Gracie that must have been incredibly hard to handle, especially while being in the spotlight for so many years of her life.
I hope that the people mentioned in this one (especially her sister) are okay, because the way Gracie casually talked about their struggles and reactions to family dysfunction made me deeply uneasy to put it mildly. Especially in regard to her sister, I feel like it’s not Gracie’s story to tell, but she did it anyway.
I sensed a lot of unprocessed emotions and I hope Gracie is going to address a lot of those seemingly unresolved issues in therapy or something like that.
Skating culture can be toxic, but it’s only as toxic as you’ll allow it to be.
I don’t know what to make of this. Gracie Gold went through a lot and she’s a fighter for sure.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 3, 2024
I struggled with this one. On the one hand, I appreciate and honor Gracie's courage to tell a very difficult story, and call out the myriad problems in the skating world.
At the same time, I think she would have benefited from both a ghost writer and having someone else read the audiobook.
I listened to the audiobook and it was read by the author. There wasn't much inflection in her voice, and many of the sentences were unnecessarily short and choppy, making it a bit of a slog, especially toward the end.
I also struggled with some of the messaging in the book surrounding health and nutrition. She speaks glowingly about her mother being advanced in age but still looking like she's in her 30s while also disclosing that it's a result of her mother's own disordered eating. There were many mixed messages like this throughout the book.
At the same time, I think she would have benefited from both a ghost writer and having someone else read the audiobook.
I listened to the audiobook and it was read by the author. There wasn't much inflection in her voice, and many of the sentences were unnecessarily short and choppy, making it a bit of a slog, especially toward the end.
I also struggled with some of the messaging in the book surrounding health and nutrition. She speaks glowingly about her mother being advanced in age but still looking like she's in her 30s while also disclosing that it's a result of her mother's own disordered eating. There were many mixed messages like this throughout the book.
March 6, 2024
whole time all I could think was that Gracie gold is so peak millennial it makes toooo much sense she’s friends w Taylor swift. the addicting to vaping was a crazy revelation tbh! she has interesting takes but one thing abt her is she rlly does own her story and perspective and stand by it. interesting bc obviously i knew and somewhat followed Gracie’s skating when I was a kid, but it def wasn’t like a shib sibs level of obsession, so it’s interesting to see how she perceived and experienced these events that I always somewhat followed. so much respect for her getting through what she’s been through and maintaining her love for skating though, my personal love for skating fell off a lot easier.
April 1, 2025
I had my doubts, but this book was strangely engaging. She was brutally honest and upfront about her experiences.
February 22, 2024
So many thoughts.
First thought - Inspiring. Probably will add more as I think of them, because this is just.. eye opening, wow, damn, I could think of like 10 other things, but then this would be a bit lengthy.
Gracie has been (and still is) this generation's Michelle Kwan, or Tara Lipinski, but better. Better because she has owned all of her struggles, faces them head on, and continues to be such an incredible person. Sure Michelle or Tara may have had their own issues, but in their time, you had to keep it under a rug, and Gracie grew up and is in the age of everything being online, instant, and available to the masses. Needless to say, it isn't easy to be in the spotlight, be scrutinized, and still be an image for Ice Skating/Olympics, and for young girls.
Her entire skating life has been watched by millions throughout her career, and even now, she is still watched and discussed.
Through all of it though, she has worked her ass off, and has continued to strive for things 99% of us will never achieve in our lifetime. If Gracie thought/thinks she is an outofshapeworthlessloser, then I wonder what the rest of us are.
First thought - Inspiring. Probably will add more as I think of them, because this is just.. eye opening, wow, damn, I could think of like 10 other things, but then this would be a bit lengthy.
Gracie has been (and still is) this generation's Michelle Kwan, or Tara Lipinski, but better. Better because she has owned all of her struggles, faces them head on, and continues to be such an incredible person. Sure Michelle or Tara may have had their own issues, but in their time, you had to keep it under a rug, and Gracie grew up and is in the age of everything being online, instant, and available to the masses. Needless to say, it isn't easy to be in the spotlight, be scrutinized, and still be an image for Ice Skating/Olympics, and for young girls.
Her entire skating life has been watched by millions throughout her career, and even now, she is still watched and discussed.
Through all of it though, she has worked her ass off, and has continued to strive for things 99% of us will never achieve in our lifetime. If Gracie thought/thinks she is an outofshapeworthlessloser, then I wonder what the rest of us are.
February 9, 2024
It always amazes me that I can read one book in a night if I like it and some take months. This took a few hours.
Do you come from a family with substance abuse issues?
Have you been sexually assaulted?
Are you an overachieving perfectionist with anxiety issues?
If you are (raises hand) this book will do more for you than any C-suite self-help garbage that the corporates have you read like Dare to Lead. Gracie is very raw, honest and brave to tell her story. If you are looking for figure skating hot goss (and I already know most of it, so no) you won't find that much. She is honest but never cruel in her assessments. USFSA doesn't come off as bad as you think it would, considering they paid for her inpatient stay. Frank Carroll is given his due and even I admit I never thought the reason he was distant from her is because of the issues he had with Christopher Bowman.
Was she fighting against a gamed system full of Russian cheats? Yes. And that's the nature of the sport now; where Russia is banned for invading Ukraine but not for its myriad drug cheating issues. Has NO ONE seen Icarus? Gracie was truly one of the best in the world and she and so many other great skaters from Korea, Japan and Italy were denied their rightful results b/c of cheating. Yet she is nowhere near as bitter as many skating fans.
The ghostwriter used to work at my newspaper (where I worked for decades); I never met her but friends do know her. I think the ghostwriting is fine my only complaint is sometimes figures of speech and references are used that do not read under-30 American woman.
Also, Gracie is a cat mom and I didn't know that so major plusses.
Do you come from a family with substance abuse issues?
Have you been sexually assaulted?
Are you an overachieving perfectionist with anxiety issues?
If you are (raises hand) this book will do more for you than any C-suite self-help garbage that the corporates have you read like Dare to Lead. Gracie is very raw, honest and brave to tell her story. If you are looking for figure skating hot goss (and I already know most of it, so no) you won't find that much. She is honest but never cruel in her assessments. USFSA doesn't come off as bad as you think it would, considering they paid for her inpatient stay. Frank Carroll is given his due and even I admit I never thought the reason he was distant from her is because of the issues he had with Christopher Bowman.
Was she fighting against a gamed system full of Russian cheats? Yes. And that's the nature of the sport now; where Russia is banned for invading Ukraine but not for its myriad drug cheating issues. Has NO ONE seen Icarus? Gracie was truly one of the best in the world and she and so many other great skaters from Korea, Japan and Italy were denied their rightful results b/c of cheating. Yet she is nowhere near as bitter as many skating fans.
The ghostwriter used to work at my newspaper (where I worked for decades); I never met her but friends do know her. I think the ghostwriting is fine my only complaint is sometimes figures of speech and references are used that do not read under-30 American woman.
Also, Gracie is a cat mom and I didn't know that so major plusses.
February 20, 2024
Incredible. I loved this not only as a former figure skater but also as someone who has struggled with mental health. Gracie is open, honest, and raw about her struggles and critical about the many flaws in the US Figure Skating system. This will definitely be a reread at some point.
February 11, 2024
As a society, I think we have the tendency to put certain famous people (especially women, and particularly younger women) on pedestals while simultaneously tearing them down. As a casual figure skating viewer, I remember the brief period in 2014 when an 18-year-old Gold was at the center of such a media circus. As Gold recounts in her memoir, the glory was fleeting but the struggle was enduring, with her alter ego "Outofshapeworthlessloser" dominating her public and private perception for years following 2014 as she outwardly battled pervasive media scrutiny and inwardly battled depression, eating disorders, sexual assault. Happily, she seems to be in a much better place these days, after years of therapy and self-reflection.
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