By the Time You Read This

by Lola Jaye

This is a manual for my daughter Lois. Here are the rules:
1. You must only read each new entry on your birthday, there is one for every year until you are thirty.
2. This is a private manual between you and me.
3. No peeping at the next entry unless it's your birthday!

When Lois Bates is handed the manual, she can barely bring herself to read it as the pain of losing her dad is still so raw. Yet soon his advice is guiding her through every stange of her life - from first love and relationships to her career.

The manual can never be a substitute for having her dad back, but through his words Lois learns to start living again, and discoveres that happiness is waiting around the corner...

Genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Adult, Book Club

297 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Lola Jaye is an author, registered psychotherapist and speaker who has penned six novels and a self-help book.
She was born and raised in London, England and has lived in Nigeria and the United States. She currently works as a psychotherapist. She has written for, CNN, HuffPost, Essence and the BBC and also speaks on issues of mental health and racism. She has also appeared on national television, most recently discussing Covid 19 and mental wellbeing. Lola once gave a presentation on imposter syndrome – a subject close to her heart, because at times she’s unable to believe she’s an actual writer!
The Attic Child (Macmillan) is her first epic historical novel.


Find out more about Lola and what she’s been up to by visiting her website; www.lolajaye.com, Twitter, Instagram & Facebook.

Reviews

[Lola Jaye · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a great read! How do I know...? Okay, I wrote it! Hope you enjoy too... LJ

[Melissa Lee-Tammeus · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. The truth of the matter is I attempted to read it 3 nights in a row and got through half of it. And then I decided I was wasting my time as I was not vested at all. It is supposed to be about a father who dies of cancer and writes a manual to his growing daughter that she is to read sections of every year on her birthday. Sounds fantastic, right? The problem is how do you write a fast paced chick lit book about every year from elementary school to being thirty and not just whiz through important moments at break neck speed? Well, the answer is you can't and you shouldn't. I felt like I was speed reading through someone's life and there was no time to care about anything. One paragraph is given to her first kiss and her father's writings about it. One is given to grades. One is given to "growing up." There is nothing that binds you to these characters and there is no feeling of emotions that should be tied to all these important events. It just was too big of an ambitious idea to pull off this way. Great idea - poor execution.

[Liliflaj · Rating 5 out of 5]

Only those who lose a loved one knows how difficult it is and almost unbearable.
Little girl of 5 years remained without a father, but fortunately, he leaves her, 'manual' with the stories that accompany it during her growing up, which it partly alleviates the fact that he is not next to it.
This is a touching love story of father and daughter even though they are not physically together.

[Anica · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I started reading this, I thought it would really touch me. And when I read the first journal entries from Lois' dad, I had to fight some tears. But that's it. No more feelings from there on. I dunno what really happened but when I reached page 100 or so I became seriously bored. This book is predictable and nothing really happens. It's like your reading the story of any girl you could know or something like that. Nothing special. Not even the journal entries from her dad. Which, let's be honest, you can also hear from your own parents. I guess I just expected so much more from this book and in the end I did get nothing. Except for a boring book which ended just the way I expected it to be. huge disappointment!

[Olivia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel brought tears to my eyes on many occassions. Character development is very well done and the book overall is very well written. This novel forces you to reconsider the relationships you have, not only with your father but with all your family and friends. A thought provoking read making the reader think of the bigger picture, trying to make the right decisions and choices in life. This is a realistic representation of any young woman facing challenges throught her life, whether that be with parents, siblings, friendships, boyfriends, job applications and the big-wide world. It amazes me how a father can provide so much knowledge to his daughter when he is not physically with her. He seems to know exactly what she is facing at each point in her life making the reader realise that each year when you grow the world grows with you. Each year has specific challenges and issues.
A brilliant read and shows the epiphany of a girl growing to a woman, making choices for herself and seeing the world through not only her eyes but also her fathers.

[Claire Bateman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I bought it for a £1 years ago at Asda. Who knew it would be a diamond in the rough. It's premise is unique, as will its style. And it hits home with many situations. If only every person could have a manual growing up (excluding the tragic circumstances) This book has given me a new style of books I'd like to start reading more of.

[Claire Tregilgas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not like the character of Lois at all. She was very cold and impersonal. She was so wrapped up in herself she didnt see the family she had left, only the one who had died.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ich find die Idee total cool, dass ein Vater seinem Kind für die Lebensjahre 12-35 einen Leitfaden schreibt. Es lässt sich super gut lesen und natürlich bekommt man nicht zu 100% Einblicke in diese Lebensjahre, was mich aber garnicht gestört hat. Fand es sehr wholesome und es lässt sich zudem leicht lesen

[Suzi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lola Jaye's by the time you read this, is about Lois Bates, a girl of 12 at the beginning who receives a manual for life written by her dead father on her birthday. She greatly misses her father, and reads The Manual on each subsequent birthday until she reaches 30. Lois becomes successful at her chosen career while navigating a friendship/love affair with her best friend's brother. I could relate a lot to Lois, as I am also very success-oriented, and found her refreshing among so many books written for girls and women where the main character usually finds happiness by surrendering her life to mommyhood and domesticity. I like money and don't like children, so those endings make me roll my eyes.

What could have been super sappy concept is toned down by the characters' realism. Lois is success oriented, but not heartless, her best friend Carla is the opposite, but not the cliched neurotic relationship worrier. The men Lois dates are varied and given life too.

My one big complaint is the poor editing done by Avon/Harper Collins. The book takes place in England, yet all references to currency are in dollars? Did somebody at Avon think that Americans would not understand the pound symbol? Also, there were several spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors that should have been caught in the final proofreading. That is unexcusable when people are being paid to correct such things. I had to double check that the free copy given to me by my employer (Borders) was not a pre-publication uncorrected promo, which it was not.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

When Lois is 12, she is given a manual that was written for her by her dead father. Inside the manual, her father guides her through life by the way of letters written for her to read on every birthday until she's 30. But while she is clinging to her father and his manual so hard, how will Lois ever learn the lessons he writes about?

This was a comfortable read, something you can just sit back and relax with because it's not very taxing. The story itself is interesting enough, there are a few twists and turns to keep the story flowing, but it's nothing particularly amazing. The plot is along the lines of P.S. I Love You and Things I Want My Daughters To Know, so if you like those books this might be something you'd be interested in, although I wouldn't consider this one to be as good as either of the ones I mentioned. I really disliked where the author tried to be a 'teen' at the beginning, the way she made Lois talk was so stupid and I don't remember talking like that when I was 12, but maybe I'm just old now! I also thought Lois was a rather shallow and selfish character, so I found it hard to become attached to her. Overall, it was an okay book, worth a read but not something I'd read again.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lois lost her father when she was only five years old. When her mom remarries when she is 13 her father's sister shows up and gives her "The Manual" which her father wrote in the months before he died. In it he includes general information and a special note to her for each birthday until she reaches the age of 30. As the years pass by Lois learns a lot about herself and her friends. When she turns 30 she learns some things that really surprise her. The book was interesting and was worth reading.

Well, I wondered why the author's name seemed so familiar. When I just went to write my review I found that I had already written it! Oh my! It is so sad that I didn't remember that I had already read it. It still was a good book, however!!

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I saw this book and just had to have it! I even carried it around with me like a blanket, because I didn't want to leave it. I just wanted to open it up and start reading, but I was reading another book at the time. When that book was finished, I quickly grabbed this book and started reading what I for sure thought would be a tear-jerker, wantint to call me dad every minute, and learn life lessons for where I am in life......NOTHING happened. I cannot even finish reading it because I am so disappointed with the whole thing. Maybe one day I will pick it up again, but the author writes like a teenager and at times I find myself having to reread what a sentence was just to understand what is happening. I think maybe this book was geared toward 14 year olds?

[Fatima · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lois's father, Kevin, died when she was five. Seven years later, she receives a book from Auntie Philomena on the day her mother remarries. The book, The Manual , is by her father and is chock-full of his advice for Lois, to be read one chapter per year, on her birthday. A list of seven rules includes a warning for Lois to not skip ahead, and she takes her dad's advice to heart, savoring the entries, the vast majority of which consist largely of standard self-help fare. I cried when i read this book but nevertheless, loved it. A highly recommended read. I assure you, you won't regret buying this book.

[Dina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the idea of this book is intriguing--a father writing advice to his then 5-year-old daughter to be read on various birthdays after his death. His entries are touching and often humorous, but the book's story feels contrived and a little too pat with some surprising twists that don't quite ring true to the story or its characters.

[Lydia Presley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I WANTED to like this book. The concept really had potential, but instead of touching me, it ended up being completely annoying and I was tempted to skip the latter half of the book - especially the letters from Kevin to Lois.

[Mina Van der Woodsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

it was a good book,i took one star only because it made me sad.Anyway i love it.:)

[Jessi]

DNF S.123

Das Buch war einfach nur langweilig und auch nicht wirklich berührend. Habe mir hier was ganz anderes erwartet.

[Sakura_ lostinbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn’t really sure what to expect with this one, I really liked the idea/concept from this one. Basically her father died young and she was young when he’d died. However he’d left her a manual as a kind of guide to life. A new specific entry for each birthday until she was 30 and then a few miscellaneous entries covering certain important events ie new jobs/breakups etc. I started reading this over Father’s Day, as I’d lost my own dad I thought that might make this more relatable. It started off well with a “P.S I love you” vibe and you just followed her through her life. But I’m afraid I honestly got bored 🙈. Not a lot really happened, it had a vaguely sweet ending that I was hoping for and I think that’s the only reason I pushed through it.

[Angebella99 · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took a while for this book to grow on me....but when it did my heart swelled and my eyes were shiny at certain parts.
It showed me that if a person passes on....there are still ways for your relationship to grow and blossom....no matter what
This book focuses on the Life of Lois Bates from a little girl to the age of 30.
She loses her father at age 5...but he leaves a life manual filled with fatherly advice...encouragement and love....
A very well written book in my opinion!

[Maureen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but if I'm being completely honest it was boring. I read about 70 pages, and stopped because I felt it was extremely predictable. ( Something happens in her life, and then a specific entry correlates with the event right after). I find this to be a bit unrealistic. I guess that's why I wasn't too much into this book

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book is a good book it os about a farther who died when his daughter is 5 and leaves her a manuel which i given to her to use from the ages 12-30,the manuel give her advice on thing like first loves and more it is an attencion grabber.

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

cute story that was engaging and made you think about your life at each age

[Cat · Rating 2 out of 5]

i really wanted to like this book -- the concept of a narrative that follows a character through years of their life fascinates me, but unfortunately this book just did not pull it off. the protagonist felt unlikeable and static, and despite her many flaws was never in any way challenged to grow or overcome them -- any time she encountered a situation that could have spurred her development, she simply refused to engage and just walked away, leaving her characterisation the exact same at age 30 as it was at age 12. the ill-disguised disdain she had for literally everybody in her life left me uninvested in any of her relationships with the other characters, and while this was treated as a character flaw it wasn't ever treated as a conflict that she had to overcome. as a result, the '"growth"' that she portrayed at the very end of the book felt unsubstantiated and lacked catharsis.

as for the narrative, it seemed to jump from one event to the next, lacking any semblance of overarching plot or a conflict to drive the progression of events, and consequently the book felt like little more than a haphazardly slapped-together sequence of events. though it tried to tug at the heartstrings, the uncompelling narrative coupled with the static characterisations meant that the emotional beats that it tried to hit fell flat.

ultimately, had this not been literally the only book available for me to read during the past few weeks, this would have been a DNF.

[Chloe (Always Booked) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this could be a book that would be really impactful to some, but really dull to others. This book is about a girl named Lois who gets a manual on her 12th birthday from her deceased father. Her dad died when she was 5 and unbeknownst to her, left her a manual with general life advice and letters written to her on every birthday from ages 12-30. We get to see the letters and the advice as we watch her life unfold over those 18 years. I personally have not lost my father, and without that personal connection, this book was pretty generic. If I had that experience, I don't know if it would've tugged on my heart strings more or if it truly was just the writing. All of his experience and advice (with a few small exceptions) were very generic. Her life was also pretty boring. It doesn't have to be full of thrills or excitement, but if its not, I need to really identify and empathize with the main character and that just wasn't happening for me in this one. She goes through different relationships, careers, family drama, etc. but I just didn't love the main character and never really got endeared to her. Perhaps if we would've gotten to see some of her relationship with her dad before he died it would've bene more impactful? I'm not sure, but this one just didn't hit for me.

[Chrissy Dee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Synopsis: Lois’ father passed away when she was 5 years old. On her 12th birthday, she receives the best birthday present: The Manual, written by her father for her to read on her birthday each year until she is 30 years old. Although her father could not be there physically for her, his words help to guide her throughout the ups and downs of growing up and adulthood.

Thoughts: I honestly have mixed feelings about this book. The subject hit close to home as my dad passed away when I was 12 years old. I can’t imagine how I would react receiving a manual from him, although admittedly, it would probably be similar to Lois. I struggled at times with the story line. At times it was slow and tedious and to be frank, I found Lois annoying. The ending though...damn. Legit tears. It’s been a while since a book made me cry!

Overall, I’d rate 3.75 ⭐️s

[Rubi Galvan · Rating 5 out of 5]

By the Time you Read This was a novel written by Lola Jaye and was based on the manual that was written to Lois by her dying father Kevin Bates. Lois was five when her father passed away and leaving her without the love of her father. Her father wrote the manual to Lois under certain conditions. The conditions were that she could only read each new entry on her birthday ( from ages 12 to 30). She could not peep at the next entry. She was allowed to look back on previous entries. Her dad had planned this with the intention to help to guide his daughter as best as he could through her journey. It was intended as a reminder of life's challenges. In the end the manual helped Lola to accept that her life would take many turns.

[Brenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

The plot is simple enough and very sweet. The letters Lois got from her father years after he passed away were incredibly kind and I got pretty teary at the very beginning. The rest didn’t feel so emotional, but I did really enjoy watching her life play out and see her face her fears. It also had a really sweet, full circle kind of ending that I really enjoyed. I read it so quickly more because it was an easy read rather than an un-put-down-able read, though. The character development was pretty good as well. I would recommend it, but I didn’t love it.

[Shy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve re-read this book several times over the last few years and have always finished it with a feeling of sadness of it being over, but also happiness that I was able to read such a book. I really identify and connect with Lois as a character, as well as the other charismatic supporting characters within the story. The story does a good job reflecting life, with its realistic ups and difficult downs. This is a story that has just always connected with me and I know it’ll continue to be a book that I truly cherish.

[Deb Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

3rd time of reading since discovered this in the library about 15years ago. still one of my favourites. Lo-Bag recieves a manual from her late Dad on her 16th birthday, and can only read each entry on her birthday. it's a guide to life with words of wisdom (and sometimes not!) on all manner of subjects as she grows up - studying, focus, career, friendships, love etc.
i would have loved to have written this for my kids, but im here to guide them, Lola's dad died when she was only 5years old. Lovely read.

[Lindsay Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was super cute and such a real telling of how life changes. I expected for this story to be almost "fairytale" like, but this got to the real stuff that can make life tough. Struggles with relationships, careers, and just how to live the best life you can.

The idea of her dad writing her a manual for her life is such a heart warming concept that I think we all would appreciate at some point.