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When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism
Two psychologists explain the phenomenon of perfectionism and outline a methodical program for overcoming it, including a series of exercises designed to help readers challenge their unrealistic expectations and identify situations where perfectionism arises. Original. IP.
252 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
November 14, 2016
"Have you considered that you might be a perfectionist?" my therapist asked me. "No," I told her, "I'm not nearly good enough at anything to be a perfectionist."
If that made you laugh, you might want to read this book.
If that made you laugh, you might want to read this book.
December 12, 2009
If I said the "perfect" book, would that be too ironic?
April 16, 2019
I’m reclaiming my life and mental health. 🧠👍🏻
November 8, 2022
It was really a good book until the author started to talk about anxiety and other mental illnesses that can be caused by perfectionism, somehow I felt like ( can we go back to our subject please)
but to be fair it wasn't bad at all
but to be fair it wasn't bad at all
December 21, 2022
Questo libro è incredibile. L'ho iniziato, come sempre faccio, in cerca di riflessioni e soluzioni, senza sospettare di essere una perfezionista, in quanto io non ho esattamente il problema di non far le cose bene...
IO NON LE INIZIO NEMMENO!!!
E invece, salta fuori che tra i vari livelli di perfezionismo, quello del procrastinare è uno dei più comuni. In quanto la procrastinazione nasce - anche - dall'idea di non riuscire a soddisfare criteri di realizzazione alti, troppo alti, e quindi si tende a rimandare ciò che sicuramente si potrebbe fare in modo soddisfacente se non si perdesse troppo tempo.
Ma non è tutto qui. Il libro analizza nel dettaglio le dinamiche del cervello e il modo in cui ci adattiamo malamente a meccanismi di evitamento e procrastinazione; spiega le strategie per sbloccare questo tipo di dinamica, tenendo sempre in considerazione questioni fondamentali come la salute mentale (capitoli interi dedicati ad ansia, depressione, anoressia/bulimia e DOC). Il tutto suffragato da esempi convincenti e circostanziati nei quali è possibile immedesimarsi. Ho letto la versione in inglese, ma ho visto che è stato tradotto quindi PERFETTO.
Se avete questo tipo di problematica nella vostra vita, recuperatelo: questo è un libro d'oro, di quelli che una volta chiusi continuano a farvi riflettere... e che vorrete rileggere per certo.
IO NON LE INIZIO NEMMENO!!!
E invece, salta fuori che tra i vari livelli di perfezionismo, quello del procrastinare è uno dei più comuni. In quanto la procrastinazione nasce - anche - dall'idea di non riuscire a soddisfare criteri di realizzazione alti, troppo alti, e quindi si tende a rimandare ciò che sicuramente si potrebbe fare in modo soddisfacente se non si perdesse troppo tempo.
Ma non è tutto qui. Il libro analizza nel dettaglio le dinamiche del cervello e il modo in cui ci adattiamo malamente a meccanismi di evitamento e procrastinazione; spiega le strategie per sbloccare questo tipo di dinamica, tenendo sempre in considerazione questioni fondamentali come la salute mentale (capitoli interi dedicati ad ansia, depressione, anoressia/bulimia e DOC). Il tutto suffragato da esempi convincenti e circostanziati nei quali è possibile immedesimarsi. Ho letto la versione in inglese, ma ho visto che è stato tradotto quindi PERFETTO.
Se avete questo tipo di problematica nella vostra vita, recuperatelo: questo è un libro d'oro, di quelli che una volta chiusi continuano a farvi riflettere... e che vorrete rileggere per certo.
November 25, 2012
This book actually made me realize I am a perfectionist and it introduced me to the idea of cognitive disconnects. I was shocked to realize I had so many of these. I think if only for that it was very helpful in listing out all of them.
I especially appreciated that it had a warning in the beginning not to try to do all the things recommended (which is an essential thing to tell perfectionists).
I especially appreciated that it had a warning in the beginning not to try to do all the things recommended (which is an essential thing to tell perfectionists).
June 3, 2015
Perfectionism is not always what you think. Sometimes if someone struggles with perfectionism, they might avoid doing something at all in fear of their inability to do it perfectly. For example someone who doesn't keep a clean house or make an effort to make themselves look more attractive may actually be suffering from perfectionism. I've learned this before but it was great to have it all explained in this book. The book is structured as a self help format, with exercises to help you identify areas of perfectionism in your life and it offers strategies for overcoming it. It also explains how perfectionism can be a cause of mental health problems such as anxiety disorders and depression. I found it all very interesting but I think it would be difficult for someone reading this to do the steps on their own. I think it's an eye opening and worthwhile read but if you have significant difficulties with perfectionism, I would recommend also getting professional help from someone who understands the material in the book and practices cognitive behavioral therapy.
December 21, 2023
Although the focus of this straightforward and simply written book is perfectionism (duh!), I found it to be a treasure trove of information for other issues I also deal with, like anxiety and depression. Turns out that perfectionism can be great triggers for these disorders. This insight (despite how obvious it may appear) was my greatest takeaway from this psychologist-recommended book.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism and wondering if this book could be helpful for you, I think it’s important you know that this is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy workbook type of deal. The authors suggest strategies to change your thoughts and behaviours associated with perfectionism. If you want something that is based more on personal anecdotes or introspection, this won’t be a perfect fit. But if you like CBT, I do think this is one if the better self-help books I’ve read.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism and wondering if this book could be helpful for you, I think it’s important you know that this is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy workbook type of deal. The authors suggest strategies to change your thoughts and behaviours associated with perfectionism. If you want something that is based more on personal anecdotes or introspection, this won’t be a perfect fit. But if you like CBT, I do think this is one if the better self-help books I’ve read.
November 7, 2021
Good self-help book for those of us that struggle with worry and anxiety over life's messiness. I feel that perfectionism is rampant in modern society and it creates a lot of mental health issues. This book helps the reader become more aware which is the first step to healing. Like most mental health issues, perfectionism is on a spectrum and people that have more extreme issues with it, so much so that they can't function, should get professional help.
September 19, 2017
Typically, I am not a self-help reader. I was given this book to read, and I thought I would give it a try. Not a hard read, but not particularly compelling.
The narrative was a bit too simple for my tastes. I like my non-fiction to be humorous but a little bit pedantic as well. This just read like a workbook; it may be valuable to those who this is marketed for, but it wasn't for me
The most interesting part was when the authors discussed the reasons behind potential patients, based off of patients that they have seen in the past. Reading and digging a little into the minds of these individuals for whom perfectionism is a fundamental aspect of their personality was intriguing.
A lot of material was covered, perhaps making it overwhelming to read for those who need this book. A lot of techniques to combat perfectionism, OCD, worry, social anxiety and depression was introduced.
The narrative was a bit too simple for my tastes. I like my non-fiction to be humorous but a little bit pedantic as well. This just read like a workbook; it may be valuable to those who this is marketed for, but it wasn't for me
The most interesting part was when the authors discussed the reasons behind potential patients, based off of patients that they have seen in the past. Reading and digging a little into the minds of these individuals for whom perfectionism is a fundamental aspect of their personality was intriguing.
A lot of material was covered, perhaps making it overwhelming to read for those who need this book. A lot of techniques to combat perfectionism, OCD, worry, social anxiety and depression was introduced.
March 31, 2021
This book helped me a lot. It is written in a very clear and approachable way, and covers a broad range of topics related to perfectionism (depression, anxiety, body-image). I recommend it for anyone who is struggling with perfectionism.
October 16, 2023
This is a great and practical book focusing on perfectionism from a CBT perspective. Super helpful to perfectionists or counselors/helpers working with clients with perfectionist tendencies!
May 23, 2023
This book has been sitting on my shelf for years. Ehh. Some things relevant, some not. Overall some good strategies.
October 22, 2009
I had picked up this book earlier this year (it was on the half-price table at Barnes & Noble) and started reading it early in July; I finished reading it last night, not because I couldn’t put it down, but more out of a sense of obligation. Indeed, I have perfectionist tendencies; but I felt that this book would have been much handier to have back when I was first working out some of my problems. (Not that I am done working through my problems – indeed, more seem to crop up – but this book is fairly elementary.)
The book is set up into three major sections. Part I is Understanding Perfectionism; The Nature of Perfectionism, The Impact of Perfectionism, Perfectionism and Thoughts, and Perfectionism and Behavior. Part II covers Overcoming Perfectionism; Assessing Your Perfectionism, Developing a Plan for Change, Changing Perfectionist Thoughts, and Changing Perfectionist Behaviors. Part III then deals with Working With Specific Problems and Perfectionism; Perfectionism and Depression, Perfectionism and Anger, Perfectionism and Social Anxiety, Perfectionism and Worry, Perfectionism and Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior, and Perfectionism, Dieting, and Body Image.
Throughout the book the authors invite the reader to compile worksheets and assessments, and give space for doing so in the book; I tend to dislike such invitations, because I was raised that one never writes in a book (except to put one’s name in the front), although I did relax this rule in college, when one highlights material in one’s textbooks.
I did get some useful information out of this book, especially in the section relating to Perfectionism and Depression (the black dog has been with me, off and on, for many years), but a lot of it was old news to me. However, I can see where this book would be of great use to a reader who is only now realizing that their perfectionist tendencies may be impacting his or her life in a negative manner.
The book is set up into three major sections. Part I is Understanding Perfectionism; The Nature of Perfectionism, The Impact of Perfectionism, Perfectionism and Thoughts, and Perfectionism and Behavior. Part II covers Overcoming Perfectionism; Assessing Your Perfectionism, Developing a Plan for Change, Changing Perfectionist Thoughts, and Changing Perfectionist Behaviors. Part III then deals with Working With Specific Problems and Perfectionism; Perfectionism and Depression, Perfectionism and Anger, Perfectionism and Social Anxiety, Perfectionism and Worry, Perfectionism and Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior, and Perfectionism, Dieting, and Body Image.
Throughout the book the authors invite the reader to compile worksheets and assessments, and give space for doing so in the book; I tend to dislike such invitations, because I was raised that one never writes in a book (except to put one’s name in the front), although I did relax this rule in college, when one highlights material in one’s textbooks.
I did get some useful information out of this book, especially in the section relating to Perfectionism and Depression (the black dog has been with me, off and on, for many years), but a lot of it was old news to me. However, I can see where this book would be of great use to a reader who is only now realizing that their perfectionist tendencies may be impacting his or her life in a negative manner.
December 3, 2023
I stumbled upon this book after a YouTuber mentioned it in a video about how depression, anxiety, and disordered eating can be caused by perfectionism, and it's like a door I've been trying to unlock for years suddenly just swung wide open. Highly recommend this book to anyone who also struggles with perfectionist thoughts and behaviors, even if only to gain more self-awareness and understanding of patterns and mood cycles.
October 13, 2012
Great book! My daughter knew I needed this, so she agreed to read a book I recommended, if I would read this one. Ha!
Here is a quote: " I focus the attention of my mind only on those things that I can do something about. If I can not affect it or direct it - I accept it."
. Read 7-24-07
August 26, 2024
No es ameno de leer, pero es LA BIBLIA del perfeccionismo y de los tratamientos que pueden abordarlo
January 26, 2024
This is an amazing book that explains what perfectionism is, the types of behaviours and cognitive distortions that people with perfectionism tend to have, and various ways to treat perfectionism on your own using CBT techniques.
The book was perfect. It includes everything you need to know about perfectionism and should be the guidebook for treating yourself or treating others with perfectionism. When reading self-help or psychology-related books, I always put myself in the mind of the client and think of what a client might say to challenge the therapist, or what the client might find difficult. In the books, the authors covered it all. "Do this. If that's hard, do this. If this thought arises, do this." It literally covered everything! I could not ask for more.
The book also does not advertise itself as a cure-all, and even admits that benefits from doing these techniques might be modest, and readers might see more improvements with a psychotherapist or medication. The humble but knowledgeable nature of the writers made the contents of the book more legitimate.
So yeah, it seems like these authors know what they're talking about and have been working with perfectionism for a long time. They covered all the basis, had a variety of accurate and relatable examples, had detailed lists of suggestions and recommended techniques, and helped readers with what to do if they're struggling with the techniques. A great book! I might want it on my therapy bookshelf.
The book was perfect. It includes everything you need to know about perfectionism and should be the guidebook for treating yourself or treating others with perfectionism. When reading self-help or psychology-related books, I always put myself in the mind of the client and think of what a client might say to challenge the therapist, or what the client might find difficult. In the books, the authors covered it all. "Do this. If that's hard, do this. If this thought arises, do this." It literally covered everything! I could not ask for more.
The book also does not advertise itself as a cure-all, and even admits that benefits from doing these techniques might be modest, and readers might see more improvements with a psychotherapist or medication. The humble but knowledgeable nature of the writers made the contents of the book more legitimate.
So yeah, it seems like these authors know what they're talking about and have been working with perfectionism for a long time. They covered all the basis, had a variety of accurate and relatable examples, had detailed lists of suggestions and recommended techniques, and helped readers with what to do if they're struggling with the techniques. A great book! I might want it on my therapy bookshelf.
September 16, 2017
If you feel like perfectionism might be a problem for you, and you are open to seeking ways to treat it, don't hesitate before trying out the strategies outlined in this book.
What's particularly good about it is that it's not really a self-help book per se; the strategies that the authors present are actually backed by scientific research, and they explain not only how to begin treating the issues you might have, but why these strategies work, too.
Of course, it won't do you much help if you aren't willing to consider that you might have a problem, and if you don't actually try to complete the exercises suggested within. Changing problems ingrained in your personality is hard work, and just reading the book won't be of much help unless you are willing to put in the work.
Having been doing some of the exercises regularly for the past week and a bit, I can attest that they really can be effective. I can already see my perfectionist tendencies diminishing, and I'm looking forward to seeing further improvements.
What's particularly good about it is that it's not really a self-help book per se; the strategies that the authors present are actually backed by scientific research, and they explain not only how to begin treating the issues you might have, but why these strategies work, too.
Of course, it won't do you much help if you aren't willing to consider that you might have a problem, and if you don't actually try to complete the exercises suggested within. Changing problems ingrained in your personality is hard work, and just reading the book won't be of much help unless you are willing to put in the work.
Having been doing some of the exercises regularly for the past week and a bit, I can attest that they really can be effective. I can already see my perfectionist tendencies diminishing, and I'm looking forward to seeing further improvements.
July 4, 2021
You know those staff meetings that could have been an email? This is the book equivalent. I had hoped to learn more about the root causes of perfectionism, anxiety, and procrastination, as well as strategies to utilize to address procrastination. To put it simply, there wasn’t anything in here I didn’t already know or try through previous experience. It wasn’t nearly as interactive as I had thought it would be, and it was overly repetitive. Many of the chapters did not apply, so I felt like it was a wasted read.
August 25, 2021
I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. It is written for any perfectionist that is trying to reduce these types of thoughts and behaviours. It is largely structured in three parts - understanding perfectionism, strategies for overcoming and specific issues (e.g. eating disorders). There are lots of great tips to try in your own life, you can pick and choose as required.
My short summary to overcoming perfectionism is have a desire to change, to challenge these negative thoughts, practice mindfulness, and if required seek professional help.
My short summary to overcoming perfectionism is have a desire to change, to challenge these negative thoughts, practice mindfulness, and if required seek professional help.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 13, 2019
Great book that really helps you think through all the facets of perfectionism. The sections of this book on perfectionism and social anxiety were very helpful. Although, as it turns out, I think I might be less of a perfectionist and more just generally anxious, especially related to work/career.
h/t: Ask a Manager
h/t: Ask a Manager
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February 20, 2021This isn’t a self-help book. That’s what I liked about it most. I’ve always thought of myself as being a perfectionist. What I didn’t realize is that a lot of my stress and anxiety that I deal with stems from having a long list of rigid, sometimes unrealistic goals and standards for myself and for others. This book helped me identify those things and gave me a few common sense approaches to regulating my standards to cut the stress and and anxiety levels.
January 12, 2022
An extraordinarily useful book that has helped me immensely when combined with other modalities. I particularly recommend the portion on Perfectionist Thinking Styles. Well written, clear and easy to read. I can understand faulty thinking patterns and conclusions and now have strategies to challenge these patterns. It’s made me more accepting, happier and easier to be around…
January 13, 2022
As someone who is more worried about meeting the expectation's of others than the standard understanding of perfectionism, I found some of these exercises useful and many not. I did find that when I was stressed out after completing most of this book that I was better able to handle it so I think this book was personally beneficial.
February 8, 2023
An enlightening and thorough book detailing perfectionism and all the other mental health issues that can come from it. Its very much a textbook/ workbook and so some people may prefer something written in a more cozy/ familiar way. It sets out what it plans to explain and does so in an easy to understand and relatable way with lots of examples and exercises that help to make sense of things.
July 1, 2025
Detailed and straightforward definition of perfectionism and common associated symptoms. Quite repetitive. If you’ve done any type of self-reflection or therapy, especially ACT then you probably already know how to cope. Also, perfect is good enough soooooo. But nice to know my issue isn’t so severe that this book was revolutionary lol
September 1, 2017
Going along with my perfectionism treating journey
more academic than "how to be imperfectionist"
helpful with good suggestions for further readings
and still have more and more to do with my psychological problems
thanks to all the books for being true friends and real lovers
more academic than "how to be imperfectionist"
helpful with good suggestions for further readings
and still have more and more to do with my psychological problems
thanks to all the books for being true friends and real lovers
November 11, 2017
This a great introduction to self-help strategies to deal with perfectionism from a cognitive-behavioural perspective.
June 20, 2020
It was a great read, just not enough time to finish it!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews