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I Talk Slower Than I Think: An Antidote to Helicopter Parenting
I Talk Slower Than I Think - An Antidote to Helicopter Parenting
Author: C. D. Bonner. Cover Illustration by Patricia Garrigus.
In 52 Creative Nonfiction stories, author C. D. Bonner reminds grown-ups of simpler, more satisfying times and gives adolescents a chance to discover the fun of exploring the wonders just outside their door.
Most of the stories will make funnybones ache, but a few will make heartstrings feel like fresh sutures. A child tries to eat a biscuit that is so hard firemen must remove it; Sammy the Basset steals a baloney his own approximate size and shape; there is no reset button when a neighbor knifes the ice cream man over a thin dime; and, "A Fine Bordelleaux" moves into the house nestled between a child's school playground and his church.
I Talk Slower Than I Think chronicles the misadventures of a Georgia family growing up in the Sixties and Seventies. Although fans of Southern humor will enjoy the flavor, growing up transcends time and place.
The book gives parents permission to park the helicopter, grab Granny's best tea strainer, and go outside to catch tadpoles with the kids. The length of these stories makes this book a perfect bathroom reader.
an excerpt from the short story, Sole Survivors:
Each summer we would get a new pair of Keds High-Tops that were expected to last through the year. You could get a pair for a dollar if you shopped around. I had been wearing a pair of Buster Brown leather shoes for a year and a half, and they had split open at the back like sun-ripened possums to accommodate my growing feet. They were even beyond the ability of Brother James, a devout shoemaker in College Park. He preached on Sundays but the rest of the week he fixed shoes. He gave it his awl and he saved a lot of soles. My shoes let water in, and I had to shuffle slowly to keep my feet from slipping out.
It had been a tough year for my parents the year I started first grade. The truck line had been on strike for a year, and my father had to make do with odd jobs. He said that union rules inhibited him from taking a competing driving job during the strike. We had to move from the apartment to a tarpaper shack with an outhouse and a well way out in the yard. He borrowed an old dump truck from his cousin and made survival wages cleaning out old houses as hippies vacated them. He took on an armed security officer's job, and we greeted him with cheery anticipation each evening, "Did you shoot anyone today?" We subsisted on nothing but biscuits and gravy for months. I still can't stand gravy.
I was determined to take great care of my new Keds. They would have to last me a yea--maybe more--and my father had said that if I didn't take care of them, I wouldn't get another pair. I lined them up carefully under my bed. Not good enough. I tried putting them into the dresser drawer that my mother had used as my bed when I was a baby, but the bottom was coming loose--still no good. I didn't want to just leave them out in the open. We had rats that probably had a taste for new shoes.
I fretted over the shoes long after everyone else went to bed. I finally hit upon the perfect place, a bastion no rat could enter. A place surrounded by cast iron, the safest place in the house.
The wood stove had a side door just big enough for a small biscuit pan, and I would be up before Mother awoke. I could show her my clever hiding place first thing. I brushed out the oven compartment and lined up the two shoes neatly inside. I went to bed, my mind finally at rest.
I awoke to a loud, metallic clank-clank and the smell of burning kindling. I flew from the bed, yelling at my mother, "My shoes are in the stove!" She just stared back, since the statement didn't really make sense to anyone else, nor should it. By the time I explained it two more times, thick black smoke was rolling across the ceiling.
Author: C. D. Bonner. Cover Illustration by Patricia Garrigus.
In 52 Creative Nonfiction stories, author C. D. Bonner reminds grown-ups of simpler, more satisfying times and gives adolescents a chance to discover the fun of exploring the wonders just outside their door.
Most of the stories will make funnybones ache, but a few will make heartstrings feel like fresh sutures. A child tries to eat a biscuit that is so hard firemen must remove it; Sammy the Basset steals a baloney his own approximate size and shape; there is no reset button when a neighbor knifes the ice cream man over a thin dime; and, "A Fine Bordelleaux" moves into the house nestled between a child's school playground and his church.
I Talk Slower Than I Think chronicles the misadventures of a Georgia family growing up in the Sixties and Seventies. Although fans of Southern humor will enjoy the flavor, growing up transcends time and place.
The book gives parents permission to park the helicopter, grab Granny's best tea strainer, and go outside to catch tadpoles with the kids. The length of these stories makes this book a perfect bathroom reader.
an excerpt from the short story, Sole Survivors:
Each summer we would get a new pair of Keds High-Tops that were expected to last through the year. You could get a pair for a dollar if you shopped around. I had been wearing a pair of Buster Brown leather shoes for a year and a half, and they had split open at the back like sun-ripened possums to accommodate my growing feet. They were even beyond the ability of Brother James, a devout shoemaker in College Park. He preached on Sundays but the rest of the week he fixed shoes. He gave it his awl and he saved a lot of soles. My shoes let water in, and I had to shuffle slowly to keep my feet from slipping out.
It had been a tough year for my parents the year I started first grade. The truck line had been on strike for a year, and my father had to make do with odd jobs. He said that union rules inhibited him from taking a competing driving job during the strike. We had to move from the apartment to a tarpaper shack with an outhouse and a well way out in the yard. He borrowed an old dump truck from his cousin and made survival wages cleaning out old houses as hippies vacated them. He took on an armed security officer's job, and we greeted him with cheery anticipation each evening, "Did you shoot anyone today?" We subsisted on nothing but biscuits and gravy for months. I still can't stand gravy.
I was determined to take great care of my new Keds. They would have to last me a yea--maybe more--and my father had said that if I didn't take care of them, I wouldn't get another pair. I lined them up carefully under my bed. Not good enough. I tried putting them into the dresser drawer that my mother had used as my bed when I was a baby, but the bottom was coming loose--still no good. I didn't want to just leave them out in the open. We had rats that probably had a taste for new shoes.
I fretted over the shoes long after everyone else went to bed. I finally hit upon the perfect place, a bastion no rat could enter. A place surrounded by cast iron, the safest place in the house.
The wood stove had a side door just big enough for a small biscuit pan, and I would be up before Mother awoke. I could show her my clever hiding place first thing. I brushed out the oven compartment and lined up the two shoes neatly inside. I went to bed, my mind finally at rest.
I awoke to a loud, metallic clank-clank and the smell of burning kindling. I flew from the bed, yelling at my mother, "My shoes are in the stove!" She just stared back, since the statement didn't really make sense to anyone else, nor should it. By the time I explained it two more times, thick black smoke was rolling across the ceiling.
136 pages, Paperback
First published August 28, 2012
2 people are currently reading
378 people want to read
About the author
C.D. Bonner
1 book10 followersC. D. (Dean) Bonner was born and raised in rural Georgia but can claim naturalized citizenship in Tallapoosa County, Alabama and Virginia Beach, Virginia as a retired Coast Guard veteran. C. D. Bonner left the tarpaper shacks of Appalachia for a long military career, rising through the enlisted and officer ranks. He was a skilled Morse telegrapher and a calming voice during many search and rescue cases. He left a town of 300 souls to travel the world, living in Boston, New Orleans, DC, and even on the island of Guam for a couple of years.
Dean is a skilled Studebaker car mechanic, tube radio repairman and a weekend gold prospector. He is a professional narrator. His upcoming projects include recording two albums of his original comedy and writing a new compilation of short stories.
His partner PJ, a multi-talented artist, shares these same interests. Together, they travel and spend time at homes in Alabama and Virginia. His nonfiction (mostly humorous) Southern family coming of age stories collection, "I Talk Slower Than I Think" was written in his chilly "office" in the hallway of the 1885 house he and PJ are restoring in Camp Hill, Alabama.
Dean worked as a paid columnist at The Dadeville Record and is a freelance writer for Lake Magazine and for Lake Martin Living magazine.
He was a contributing editor for Lisa Ditchkoff's "The Girl with Caterpillar Eyebrows."
His personal essay, "Seeking Asylum," about visiting his mother in the asylum at Milledgeville, Georgia at age four, was a winner in the national 2013 Alabama Literary Competition (AlaLitCom). The competition run is by the Alabama Writers' Conclave.
Dean is a skilled Studebaker car mechanic, tube radio repairman and a weekend gold prospector. He is a professional narrator. His upcoming projects include recording two albums of his original comedy and writing a new compilation of short stories.
His partner PJ, a multi-talented artist, shares these same interests. Together, they travel and spend time at homes in Alabama and Virginia. His nonfiction (mostly humorous) Southern family coming of age stories collection, "I Talk Slower Than I Think" was written in his chilly "office" in the hallway of the 1885 house he and PJ are restoring in Camp Hill, Alabama.
Dean worked as a paid columnist at The Dadeville Record and is a freelance writer for Lake Magazine and for Lake Martin Living magazine.
He was a contributing editor for Lisa Ditchkoff's "The Girl with Caterpillar Eyebrows."
His personal essay, "Seeking Asylum," about visiting his mother in the asylum at Milledgeville, Georgia at age four, was a winner in the national 2013 Alabama Literary Competition (AlaLitCom). The competition run is by the Alabama Writers' Conclave.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 24, 2013
Read what Kirkus Reviews had to say:
KIRKUS REVIEW
A debut memoir that bursts with Southern flavor and charm.
Bonner recounts the lively antics of his rural Georgia childhood in the 1960s and ’70s in this pleasant book. In each chapter, he provides a brief slice of Southern life with all the trimmings; for example, in “The Importance of Biscuits,” he waxes nostalgic for this small but crucial food (“not just a side dish…a staple”) and recalls the care his mother took when preparing them. Three-year-old Bonner’s love for them was so strong, in fact, that he once bit into a doorknob, convinced that the white porcelain was actually a biscuit. He suffers another injury in “Keeping Me in Stitches,” which outlines an innocent family outing to the beach that ended with the author in the hospital. But this collection of memories is not all painful; as Bonner points out, “the simplest pleasures are surely the sweetest ones,” and he writes of the Christmas fun he and his siblings had with the boxes their presents came in and of the birth of his new baby cousin. Throughout, the author captures the slow, easy pace of Southern living, dwelling on the day-to-day activities of a young boy who’s encouraged to find adventure all around him. He also recalls less pleasant times, such as when his mother spanked him once at the grocery store for misbehaving, but these memories are always recounted in a context of love and trust. Overall, these brief anecdotes are candid, humorous and enjoyable. The author’s ability to see the bright side of any situation makes for a pleasant, undemanding read, and he recreates these stories of his siblings and extended family with loving detail, in straightforward, precise prose. Bonner shows a reverence for his youth that’s contagious; as he aptly puts it, he and his siblings “were poor kids living a rich life.”
A sweet, gentle book that captures a man’s youth in all of its wonder.
https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-re...
KIRKUS REVIEW
A debut memoir that bursts with Southern flavor and charm.
Bonner recounts the lively antics of his rural Georgia childhood in the 1960s and ’70s in this pleasant book. In each chapter, he provides a brief slice of Southern life with all the trimmings; for example, in “The Importance of Biscuits,” he waxes nostalgic for this small but crucial food (“not just a side dish…a staple”) and recalls the care his mother took when preparing them. Three-year-old Bonner’s love for them was so strong, in fact, that he once bit into a doorknob, convinced that the white porcelain was actually a biscuit. He suffers another injury in “Keeping Me in Stitches,” which outlines an innocent family outing to the beach that ended with the author in the hospital. But this collection of memories is not all painful; as Bonner points out, “the simplest pleasures are surely the sweetest ones,” and he writes of the Christmas fun he and his siblings had with the boxes their presents came in and of the birth of his new baby cousin. Throughout, the author captures the slow, easy pace of Southern living, dwelling on the day-to-day activities of a young boy who’s encouraged to find adventure all around him. He also recalls less pleasant times, such as when his mother spanked him once at the grocery store for misbehaving, but these memories are always recounted in a context of love and trust. Overall, these brief anecdotes are candid, humorous and enjoyable. The author’s ability to see the bright side of any situation makes for a pleasant, undemanding read, and he recreates these stories of his siblings and extended family with loving detail, in straightforward, precise prose. Bonner shows a reverence for his youth that’s contagious; as he aptly puts it, he and his siblings “were poor kids living a rich life.”
A sweet, gentle book that captures a man’s youth in all of its wonder.
https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-re...
November 12, 2012
Reviewed by Richard R. Blake for Reader Views:
In I Talk Slower Than I Think, author C. D. Bonner shares poignant stories and unforgettable memories of growing up in Alabama and Georgia in the sixties and seventies.
He deftly weaves absorbing stories of childhood adventures, and country comedy with family humor through the use of Southern humor, touching anecdotes on parenting, and treasured memories of his youth. He incorporates snippets of history worthy of being included in American Southern literature.
The book is made up of 52 true short stories gleaned from the favorites repeated over and over again at family gatherings, told and retold over the years, to side-splitting laughter, unmerciful teasing, as well as some somber moments that draw the heartstrings tight. Bonner's sketches bring new meaning to the depth of family love and the joy that comes through meaningful friendships.
I laughed until my sides ached while reading, and continued to chuckle and smile for days later as I relived Bonner's "tongue in cheek" accounts of his family life and reflected on my own childhood foibles. I enjoyed the accounts of fun loving Pawpaw and Granny. They taught the boys lessons as they met the boys' mischief with their own pranks. Highlights for me were the tales motivated by "dares," driven by curiosity, or instigated out of sheer boredom.
I Talk Slower Than I Think by C. D. Bonner includes satire, side-splitting comedy, and emotionally-packed stories, of family love, loyal friendships, and a proud legacy of uncompromising ethics, and expressions of parental love.
View the original article on blogcritics.org
Reviewed by Richard R. Blake, for Reader Views
Read more: http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/bl...
In I Talk Slower Than I Think, author C. D. Bonner shares poignant stories and unforgettable memories of growing up in Alabama and Georgia in the sixties and seventies.
He deftly weaves absorbing stories of childhood adventures, and country comedy with family humor through the use of Southern humor, touching anecdotes on parenting, and treasured memories of his youth. He incorporates snippets of history worthy of being included in American Southern literature.
The book is made up of 52 true short stories gleaned from the favorites repeated over and over again at family gatherings, told and retold over the years, to side-splitting laughter, unmerciful teasing, as well as some somber moments that draw the heartstrings tight. Bonner's sketches bring new meaning to the depth of family love and the joy that comes through meaningful friendships.
I laughed until my sides ached while reading, and continued to chuckle and smile for days later as I relived Bonner's "tongue in cheek" accounts of his family life and reflected on my own childhood foibles. I enjoyed the accounts of fun loving Pawpaw and Granny. They taught the boys lessons as they met the boys' mischief with their own pranks. Highlights for me were the tales motivated by "dares," driven by curiosity, or instigated out of sheer boredom.
I Talk Slower Than I Think by C. D. Bonner includes satire, side-splitting comedy, and emotionally-packed stories, of family love, loyal friendships, and a proud legacy of uncompromising ethics, and expressions of parental love.
View the original article on blogcritics.org
Reviewed by Richard R. Blake, for Reader Views
Read more: http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/bl...
November 24, 2014
This is a collection of stories to remind adults of every age of a simpler, more hands-on era.
I Talk Slower than I Think is a nod to the good old days. Filled with southern expressions, each chapter relays an old family story passed down from previous generations. This book will have readers laughing out loud, as well as a few nodding along as they relate to certain events. Although there are some stories that are more emotional than entertaining, overall this is a feel-good book that both Southerners and Northerners can appreciate.
Notes:
The author provided a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This review was originally posted on the Ariesgrl Book Reviews website.
I Talk Slower than I Think is a nod to the good old days. Filled with southern expressions, each chapter relays an old family story passed down from previous generations. This book will have readers laughing out loud, as well as a few nodding along as they relate to certain events. Although there are some stories that are more emotional than entertaining, overall this is a feel-good book that both Southerners and Northerners can appreciate.
Notes:
The author provided a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This review was originally posted on the Ariesgrl Book Reviews website.
September 10, 2012
This was absolutely the best book I have read this year. It has everything, comedy, drama and suspense from real life situtations. I feel everyone will be able to relate to these stories and every single story has a moral at the end to help keep the situation in its proper context. Everyone should read this book!
July 22, 2013
I have read and re-read this book and I can honestly say that it's as funny as it is inspirational. I really enjoy the "park the helicopter" aspect of the book and the idea of going back to a time when it's OK to get your hands dirty.
A wonderful read that's inspirational but not preachy in any way.
A wonderful read that's inspirational but not preachy in any way.
May 20, 2013
Great fun! C.D. Bonner's stories of his childhood and family ring true to the young and old. Most are funny, some more poignant than others, all fun to read.
July 11, 2013
Might have been called "52 Slices of Life." I didn't grow up in the South, but the stories still rang true. There's something about those antique verities I hope never goes completely out of style.
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September 28, 2020
'I Talk Slower Than I Think: An Antidote to Helicopter Parenting' is a memoir written through a series of engaging vignettes that transport the reader into 1960s rural Georgia and into the childhood of author C. D. Bonner. Not just any rural Georgia, and not just any childhood, this author successfully portrays the immense importance of family, an engaged community, and learning via one's mistakes and the mistakes of others. The stories take one on myriad adventures, to fishing holes, farms, family picnics, churches, explorations of the woods, etc. As a realistic portrayal of life, myriad emotions are also offered. Author Bonner's description of his early years suggests poverty and hardship (outhouses, parental job losses, multiple moves into substandard housing, etc.), but he very successfully portrays a happy childhood. And in the process of being allowed the freedom to roam the countryside and make choices (at times, ill-advised,) he makes the case of learning self-confidence. The other part of this equation is the modeling and moral compass that is passed down to him through his parents and grandparents. This is a highly-enjoyable read that transports readers back into a time when children were free to roam, explore, and play in ways no longer considered safe or acceptable today. It is time travel worth taking.
May 16, 2021
Good read
If you need a pleasant reading session recalling the old days, this is the book for you. Mr. Bonner had a great childhood and is willing to share it with us. Some will be reminded of their childhood like I was and others will be glad just read about it. Enjoy!
If you need a pleasant reading session recalling the old days, this is the book for you. Mr. Bonner had a great childhood and is willing to share it with us. Some will be reminded of their childhood like I was and others will be glad just read about it. Enjoy!
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews