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They Called Me Number One
Xat'sull Chief Bev Sellars spent her childhood in a church-run residential school whose aim it was to "civilize" Native children through Christian teachings, forced separation from family and culture, and discipline. In addition, beginning at the age of five, Sellars was isolated for two years at Coqualeetza Indian Tuberculosis Hospital in Sardis, British Columbia, nearly six hours' drive from home. The trauma of these experiences has reverberated throughout her life.
The first full-length memoir to be published out of St. Joseph's Mission at Williams Lake, BC, Sellars tells of three generations of women who attended the school, interweaving the personal histories of her grandmother and her mother with her own. She tells of hunger, forced labour, and physical beatings, often with a leather strap, and also of the demand for conformity in a culturally alien institution where children were confined and denigrated for failure to be White and Roman Catholic.
Like Native children forced by law to attend schools across Canada and the United States, Sellars and other students of St. Joseph's Mission were allowed home only for two months in the summer and for two weeks at Christmas. The rest of the year they lived, worked, and studied at the school. St. Joseph's Mission is the site of the controversial and well-publicized sex-related offences of Bishop Hubert O'Connor, which took place during Sellars's student days, between 1962 and 1967, when O'Connor was the school principal. After the school's closure, those who had been forced to attend came from surrounding reserves and smashed windows, tore doors and cabinets from the wall, and broke anything that could be broken. Overnight their anger turned a site of shameful memory into a pile of rubble.
In this frank and poignant memoir, Sellars breaks her silence about the institution's lasting effects, and eloquently articulates her own path to healing.
The first full-length memoir to be published out of St. Joseph's Mission at Williams Lake, BC, Sellars tells of three generations of women who attended the school, interweaving the personal histories of her grandmother and her mother with her own. She tells of hunger, forced labour, and physical beatings, often with a leather strap, and also of the demand for conformity in a culturally alien institution where children were confined and denigrated for failure to be White and Roman Catholic.
Like Native children forced by law to attend schools across Canada and the United States, Sellars and other students of St. Joseph's Mission were allowed home only for two months in the summer and for two weeks at Christmas. The rest of the year they lived, worked, and studied at the school. St. Joseph's Mission is the site of the controversial and well-publicized sex-related offences of Bishop Hubert O'Connor, which took place during Sellars's student days, between 1962 and 1967, when O'Connor was the school principal. After the school's closure, those who had been forced to attend came from surrounding reserves and smashed windows, tore doors and cabinets from the wall, and broke anything that could be broken. Overnight their anger turned a site of shameful memory into a pile of rubble.
In this frank and poignant memoir, Sellars breaks her silence about the institution's lasting effects, and eloquently articulates her own path to healing.
227 pages, Paperback
First published April 15, 2012
166 people are currently reading
5906 people want to read
About the author
Bev Sellars
2 books43 followersBev Sellars is a Xat'sull writer of the award-winning book, They Called Me Number One: Secrets and Survival at an Indian Residential School, describing her experiences within the Canadian Indian residential school system. She is also a longtime-serving Chief of the Xat'sull First Nations.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 331 reviews
April 17, 2014
I think this book should be taught in all schools and read by everyone, especially anyone who doesn't understand
1. The impact of residential schools
2. Why Canada's First Nations people have ongoing problems of poverty and violence
3. How Canada fucked up and failed First Nations people
Chief Bev Sellars tells her story in a straight forward, easy to follow format. It's almost as if she is sitting with you, telling you what happened to her. You can tell that she spent a long time thinking about this story and how to tell it. It's moving, disturbing and relevant.
I admired her strength to come forward and share. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone.
If this book doesn't disturb you or bother you or make you want to act, then you just aren't paying attention.
1. The impact of residential schools
2. Why Canada's First Nations people have ongoing problems of poverty and violence
3. How Canada fucked up and failed First Nations people
Chief Bev Sellars tells her story in a straight forward, easy to follow format. It's almost as if she is sitting with you, telling you what happened to her. You can tell that she spent a long time thinking about this story and how to tell it. It's moving, disturbing and relevant.
I admired her strength to come forward and share. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone.
If this book doesn't disturb you or bother you or make you want to act, then you just aren't paying attention.
July 23, 2014
It seems that many books have come out telling Residential School stories, many of them written by non-survivors. "They Called Me Number One" by Chief Bev Sellars is the real deal and an ideal primer for anyone curious about the Residential School era. Without sensationalizing the physical and sexual abuse that was all too common, readers can experience exactly what it was like to be incarcerated in an Indian Residential School as a child, as well as dealing with the effects of being indoctrinated into a foreign culture only to be dumped back into your devastated homeland years later. This novel is an expose of Canada's darkest chapter, but it is also a story of triumph over adversity and impossible odds.
June 7, 2017
Bev Sellars takes us on a tri-generational journey through the horrific realities of life & living in St. Joseph's Mission Residential School. Bev is able to paint pictures with words. As a result, the images are at times horrifying, at times perplexing and confusing, sad, angry and, yes, even at times joyful and filled with hope and humour. But make no mistake, as one person stated, if they had known earlier in their life what jail/prison was like, they would have chosen to go there instead of back to residential school after "escaping" and being found. Residential school reality was worse than prison! Read this book to develop some insights into the laws created to "take the Indian out of the Indian" and find out how Bev Sellars rose above her experiences (when so many others were unable to do so) and become a gifted leader within the First Nations community.
January 6, 2023
In the foreword the author points out that as a survivor of the residential school system “my experience resulted in a restricted world view, and the oppressive conditions under which I lived reduced my understanding of options available to me. In writing the book. I realized that I am still disassembling the restrictive world in which I once lived.”
I have learned so much from this book, even before the story started. Reading the forward, the preface, and the acknowledgements put the story to come into a new perspective from which I could better understand and appreciate the author’s writings.
This is an interesting and informative account of a young girl’s life before and during her five years at a Canadian residential school in British Columbia. The author, Bev Sellars, is born in 1955 and early in her life is left in the care of her Gram, who thereafter raises her. Bev lives with her Grandparents on a reservation and like her mother and Gram before her is required by the government to go to a residential school.
Told in a matter of fact manner, the author describes her physical surroundings, her educational experiences, her emotional state, her religious guidance, and her peer interactions as well as the treatment of her and her classmates relating to each of these aspects of their lives during her stay at the Cariboo Indian School (St. Joseph Mission school). Her reflections are candid and forthright. Attending the school from the age of seven, she retells many anecdotes to highlight her experiences and her feelings. She recalls incidents of the hardships and humiliation, the punishment and abuses, the friendships, and even the joyful moments. She relates how these events felt at the time and shaped her at a very young age. Despite being “programmed” at a young age to believe that she is in every way something “less” than her white counterparts, Bev manages, as an adult, to move through and beyond her feelings to become a learned and respected community leader. Although this process takes time, she is guided by the rich values instilled by her Gram that enable her to overcome her feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Bev’s five years at the Mission were filled with chores, ridicule and punishment. Yet she points out that her two weeks at Christmas and two months every summer spent at home with her grandparents and siblings provided her the stability and joy of a happy and “normal” childhood, at least until she returned to the Mission.
The Mission was a “breeding ground for dysfunction”, as Bev acknowledges her five years there left her “…….emotionally and socially crippled in my ability to deal with the world.”
At age 12 Bev started school at home, integrated with the white kids…but they had separate buses. Panic attacks ensued, and she was now unable to make even the most simple decisions as everything was decided for her at the Mission….everything! What to wear, how to act, what to eat, how to feel, what to believe… everything was decided for her. Having to make her own decisions now was traumatic and stifling.
The author explains how, in her adult years, she was able to work through the issues created by residential school, although it was not initially obvious to her that that is what she was doing. As her confidence and self esteem grew she realized the trauma created by residential school was responsible for so many of the social problems in the lives of not only herself but all those subjected to its atmosphere. Her insight is well expressed, well thought out and makes a great deal of sense.
Bev’s story, as well as her storytelling, is very enlightening. It is definitely something that should be read, taught and discussed in schools. Only by talking about it, acknowledging it and learning from it will we be able to move forward with the hope that it will never be repeated.
Bev relays many “ah-ha” moments in her adult life where she was able to come to realize that she is so very much more than what the nuns and priests at the Mission said. Little by little her confidence and understanding grows, she learns to speak up and speak out. She encourages others to do the same.
I have read a few books that have relayed residential school history. While all reflect the traumatic experiences involving physical and mental abuse, hardship, humiliation, and punishment, this is one of few where the author has ventured into her journey out the vicious cycle created by the experiences. Incredibly moving, and telling, profound and poignant.
Certainly a “must-read”.
I have learned so much from this book, even before the story started. Reading the forward, the preface, and the acknowledgements put the story to come into a new perspective from which I could better understand and appreciate the author’s writings.
This is an interesting and informative account of a young girl’s life before and during her five years at a Canadian residential school in British Columbia. The author, Bev Sellars, is born in 1955 and early in her life is left in the care of her Gram, who thereafter raises her. Bev lives with her Grandparents on a reservation and like her mother and Gram before her is required by the government to go to a residential school.
Told in a matter of fact manner, the author describes her physical surroundings, her educational experiences, her emotional state, her religious guidance, and her peer interactions as well as the treatment of her and her classmates relating to each of these aspects of their lives during her stay at the Cariboo Indian School (St. Joseph Mission school). Her reflections are candid and forthright. Attending the school from the age of seven, she retells many anecdotes to highlight her experiences and her feelings. She recalls incidents of the hardships and humiliation, the punishment and abuses, the friendships, and even the joyful moments. She relates how these events felt at the time and shaped her at a very young age. Despite being “programmed” at a young age to believe that she is in every way something “less” than her white counterparts, Bev manages, as an adult, to move through and beyond her feelings to become a learned and respected community leader. Although this process takes time, she is guided by the rich values instilled by her Gram that enable her to overcome her feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Bev’s five years at the Mission were filled with chores, ridicule and punishment. Yet she points out that her two weeks at Christmas and two months every summer spent at home with her grandparents and siblings provided her the stability and joy of a happy and “normal” childhood, at least until she returned to the Mission.
The Mission was a “breeding ground for dysfunction”, as Bev acknowledges her five years there left her “…….emotionally and socially crippled in my ability to deal with the world.”
At age 12 Bev started school at home, integrated with the white kids…but they had separate buses. Panic attacks ensued, and she was now unable to make even the most simple decisions as everything was decided for her at the Mission….everything! What to wear, how to act, what to eat, how to feel, what to believe… everything was decided for her. Having to make her own decisions now was traumatic and stifling.
The author explains how, in her adult years, she was able to work through the issues created by residential school, although it was not initially obvious to her that that is what she was doing. As her confidence and self esteem grew she realized the trauma created by residential school was responsible for so many of the social problems in the lives of not only herself but all those subjected to its atmosphere. Her insight is well expressed, well thought out and makes a great deal of sense.
Bev’s story, as well as her storytelling, is very enlightening. It is definitely something that should be read, taught and discussed in schools. Only by talking about it, acknowledging it and learning from it will we be able to move forward with the hope that it will never be repeated.
Bev relays many “ah-ha” moments in her adult life where she was able to come to realize that she is so very much more than what the nuns and priests at the Mission said. Little by little her confidence and understanding grows, she learns to speak up and speak out. She encourages others to do the same.
I have read a few books that have relayed residential school history. While all reflect the traumatic experiences involving physical and mental abuse, hardship, humiliation, and punishment, this is one of few where the author has ventured into her journey out the vicious cycle created by the experiences. Incredibly moving, and telling, profound and poignant.
Certainly a “must-read”.
February 27, 2016
I read this book start to finish on my ferry ride from Tsawassen to Victoria. I never put it down. I had always been interested to learn more about this horribly dark time in Canadian history that never gets spoken about, and this book gave me more insight than I could have imagined. It was fascinating in the most awful way, making me feel ashamed, horrified and heartbroken for every person who had to go through a residential school and the aftermath that followed them. This book should be mandatory read in the social studies curriculum and then some; A must read for every Canadian.
June 6, 2016
Bev Sellers & I are roughly the same age but our experiences as young Canadians couldn't have been more different. I thank her for telling her story. It helped me understand the impact that residential schools & racism had/have on the minds & hearts of our Aboriginal people. What shocks me is how the Catholic Church managed to find so many cold hearted sadists from their flock of priests & nuns to man all those schools. I mean bad apples are supposed to be the exception not the rule. The devil is dancing here. And the Canadian government ...boy have they ever f'ed this whole thing up.
November 12, 2022
I thought this book might be similar to Broken Circle: The Dark Legacy of Indian Residential Schools: A Memoir but although the experiences of both authors were similar, Sellars' writing was more descriptive. She recalled specific examples from her time at residential schools that specifically detailed all of the horrors of her experiences.
The injustice, cruelty, humiliation, and shame produced by the administration of her Catholic residential school was inhumane. I received a better understanding of the generational trauma that has been inflicted on the first nations people. Sellars detailed 3 generations worth of trauma within her family at this particular residential school. Just the sheer amount of trauma Sellers' grandmother and family went through with 8/9 of her children seeing early deaths that were related to their experiences in residential school as well as the discrimination and insults that had accumulated throughout their lives.
This was not an easy read, especially since at the time of the book's writing, nothing substantial was done to address the trauma the British Columbian government had inflicted on the tribes within its realm and the total lack of remorse, goodwill, or attempt to ameliorate relations was appalling.
The injustice, cruelty, humiliation, and shame produced by the administration of her Catholic residential school was inhumane. I received a better understanding of the generational trauma that has been inflicted on the first nations people. Sellars detailed 3 generations worth of trauma within her family at this particular residential school. Just the sheer amount of trauma Sellers' grandmother and family went through with 8/9 of her children seeing early deaths that were related to their experiences in residential school as well as the discrimination and insults that had accumulated throughout their lives.
This was not an easy read, especially since at the time of the book's writing, nothing substantial was done to address the trauma the British Columbian government had inflicted on the tribes within its realm and the total lack of remorse, goodwill, or attempt to ameliorate relations was appalling.
September 9, 2016
This is an excellent book to help people really understand the impact Residential Schools have had on First Nations in Canada. Bev Sellars account of her experiences is honest and forthright. It is unique in several respects. First, she is a member of the last generation to attend residential schools in her area of British Columbia. However, she also relates aspects of her mother's and grandmother's experiences with the schools; the book, therefore, actually covers three generations quite well (but not chronologically). As with most accounts of Residential Schools, the book is heartbreaking and deeply troubling. Every Canadian, however, should read at least one of these accounts. I would recommend this book or another excellent one entitled, Up Ghost River.
April 4, 2024
Books like this are really hard to read but important. This book was very fast paced but it was hard to get through because it was hard to read just how horrible the author was treated. The fact that indigenous people were forced away from their families and faced such horrible abuses still in the 20th century is awful. This is important non fiction to read but it definitely makes me dislike the human race and what we do to each other.
April 28, 2022
It was interesting to read.
July 5, 2017
They called me Number One is a first hand account of the impact of the St. Joseph’s Mission, a Residential School located in Williams Lake, British Columbia (B.C.), Canada. This is the first full length memoir out of St. Joseph’s Mission and was written by Bev Sellars, chief of the Xat'Sull First Nations in Williams Lake, B.C. The memoir is primarily about Sellars’ family including four generations of women – her grandmother, her mother, herself and her daughter. Only her daughter did not spend any time in a Residential School but she too has been impacted by its legacy,
The Title was chosen because when native children were taken away from their families for 10 months a year, without visitation, to attend the St. Joseph’s Mission, the children were no longer called by the name their parents had given them but were instead assigned a number. They were called by that number for the duration of their stay. One’s name is one’s identity, one’s pride and how others know you and how you identify your own unique self. How can anyone interpret the Residential Schools’ intentions and actions as anything but negative? It was a deliberate and full blown attempt and strategy to obliterate the Aboriginal children’s past and their native heritage in order for the Residential Schools to reinvent the children according to their own preferred ways. Sellars’ memoir describes how the St. Joseph’s Mission operated and treated the children in their care.
The book is well worth reading even if you have read other books about Residential Schools and their impact on Natives or Aboriginals (Canadian Natives in this case). It is even more worthwhile if this will be your first exposure to reading about this part of Canadian history. Unfortunately, non-Canadians will also learn much from this book as there seems to be a pattern throughout history in many parts of the world of poor treatment of Aboriginals; as if they were non-persons without rights.
It is apparent when reading this memoir, that Sellars has given a great deal of thought to the issues and has been a critical observer of First Nation peoples’ experiences throughout her life. Her memoir is filled with a great deal of insight and thoughtfulness. It is a firm and rational analysis of what happened to generations of native children and families and the extent of the damage caused.
Sellars tells her story, objectively but with impact, illustrating how multiple generations were negatively impacted by racism, abuse and control (beatings, hunger, forced labour, and sexual advances including rape with minors.) Her memoir style is reserved but clear and her writing and accomplishments are evidence that Bev Sellars has a strong intellect and excellent leadership skills. Sellars, as a single mother, trained as an accountant, a business student and lawyer at post-secondary schools and first became a chief at the urging of others in her community. She is a woman to be respected with a story worth telling and reading. Much of the memoir is about her personal pain and her journey of healing. It have no doubt that it was very difficult to write but Sellars is courageous and hopeful that the telling of her story will help many others who currently unable to tell share their story to begin to speak out and start their own healing process.
From an article on January 29, 2014 in the Williams Lake Tribune entitled “Books That Changed Me” by Mark Thiessen, Superintendant of Williams Lake School District 27 (not speaking about Bev Sellars’ book per se but about books he’s read describing the Residential School Experience) and I quote “There are those in our communities who feel that our First Nations friends and neighbours should just “get over” their residential school experiences. With all of my recent reading, I have a much better understanding as to why our expectations need to change.”
From back flap of the book contributed by Chief Phil Fontaine, former National Chief of the Assembly of First Nations and I quote “Chief Sellars bravely adds her voice to the burgeoning chorus of stories about residential schools and their powerful effects on family life, community wellness and self-image. That she has been able to carefully articulate such a deeply personal and painful story is a testament to her courage and determination.”
Both of the above comments will hopefully give you cause to consider reading They Called me Number One – a Third Place Winner of the 2014 BURT AWARD for First Nation, Métis and Inuit Literature sponsored by CODE.
Despite the dark subject matter, the book is surprisingly hopeful and optimistic as Sellars features other survivors besides herself who are now taking leadership roles to make positive change in their communities.
The Title was chosen because when native children were taken away from their families for 10 months a year, without visitation, to attend the St. Joseph’s Mission, the children were no longer called by the name their parents had given them but were instead assigned a number. They were called by that number for the duration of their stay. One’s name is one’s identity, one’s pride and how others know you and how you identify your own unique self. How can anyone interpret the Residential Schools’ intentions and actions as anything but negative? It was a deliberate and full blown attempt and strategy to obliterate the Aboriginal children’s past and their native heritage in order for the Residential Schools to reinvent the children according to their own preferred ways. Sellars’ memoir describes how the St. Joseph’s Mission operated and treated the children in their care.
The book is well worth reading even if you have read other books about Residential Schools and their impact on Natives or Aboriginals (Canadian Natives in this case). It is even more worthwhile if this will be your first exposure to reading about this part of Canadian history. Unfortunately, non-Canadians will also learn much from this book as there seems to be a pattern throughout history in many parts of the world of poor treatment of Aboriginals; as if they were non-persons without rights.
It is apparent when reading this memoir, that Sellars has given a great deal of thought to the issues and has been a critical observer of First Nation peoples’ experiences throughout her life. Her memoir is filled with a great deal of insight and thoughtfulness. It is a firm and rational analysis of what happened to generations of native children and families and the extent of the damage caused.
Sellars tells her story, objectively but with impact, illustrating how multiple generations were negatively impacted by racism, abuse and control (beatings, hunger, forced labour, and sexual advances including rape with minors.) Her memoir style is reserved but clear and her writing and accomplishments are evidence that Bev Sellars has a strong intellect and excellent leadership skills. Sellars, as a single mother, trained as an accountant, a business student and lawyer at post-secondary schools and first became a chief at the urging of others in her community. She is a woman to be respected with a story worth telling and reading. Much of the memoir is about her personal pain and her journey of healing. It have no doubt that it was very difficult to write but Sellars is courageous and hopeful that the telling of her story will help many others who currently unable to tell share their story to begin to speak out and start their own healing process.
From an article on January 29, 2014 in the Williams Lake Tribune entitled “Books That Changed Me” by Mark Thiessen, Superintendant of Williams Lake School District 27 (not speaking about Bev Sellars’ book per se but about books he’s read describing the Residential School Experience) and I quote “There are those in our communities who feel that our First Nations friends and neighbours should just “get over” their residential school experiences. With all of my recent reading, I have a much better understanding as to why our expectations need to change.”
From back flap of the book contributed by Chief Phil Fontaine, former National Chief of the Assembly of First Nations and I quote “Chief Sellars bravely adds her voice to the burgeoning chorus of stories about residential schools and their powerful effects on family life, community wellness and self-image. That she has been able to carefully articulate such a deeply personal and painful story is a testament to her courage and determination.”
Both of the above comments will hopefully give you cause to consider reading They Called me Number One – a Third Place Winner of the 2014 BURT AWARD for First Nation, Métis and Inuit Literature sponsored by CODE.
Despite the dark subject matter, the book is surprisingly hopeful and optimistic as Sellars features other survivors besides herself who are now taking leadership roles to make positive change in their communities.
September 8, 2016
This was a good book to read because it gave me more persecutive on First Nations in Canada, and some of the awful things they went through, that resulted in some of the poor social conditions that can still be seen today. It became clear while reading this that the author of the book was really a lot luckier than most of the other FN kids growing up around the same time. It was good to see that she was able to rise above many challenges to become a leader and share her story with others. This book did focus more on her individual story, rather than examining the residential school in general, thant I had expected, but I appreciated that it tried to span more than just her own generation within her family. It did leave me wondering what happened to many other family members that are briefly mentioned, but never followed up on. E.g. did her own kids finish high school and go on to post-secondary? What about the many younger half siblings she had, they were barely mentioned other than in the family tree. She does give the reader fair warning early on that this is her story, and she wasn't going to try to tell others stories. I thought the pictures included added to the interest of the story.
November 25, 2013
Such a brave book, plainly and powerfully told. It made me see beyond the gross abuses of the residential school system to the everyday, routine and systematic ways that children were demoralized.
January 30, 2014
I have lived in Canada almost all my life and never knew of some of these injustices. It is excellent that Sellars told this lost story in an easy to follow, enjoyable and informative way.
May 16, 2024
All Canadians should know about residential schools. I’ve known they were cruel, abusive, isolating, and a heartless attempt at cultural erasure, but I needed to know more.
The most shocking revelation for me was the food being essentially garbage slop. And they’d get punished for not eating it 😖 This is one of the darkest things in Canadian History (and that isn’t a small list).
I like how the author addressed that “hey, all schools had the strap back then”. Sure, but not like this. Not this hard, not for such tiny “infractions”, and not until the child was black and blue.
In university I found out that the last residential school in Canada did not close until the 1990s (1996, if I recall correctly) and that gutted me. I always thought of them as “way back in the crooked past” but no - I was alive and this crime was still being perpetrated, sanctioned by the government itself.
Now that I’m a bit older, I identified most with the adults, and especially Gram. It would feel so helpless to be their Gram, legally forced to send them when she herself knows firsthand how horrible the schools are. That pain and guilt and powerlessness… it would (and did) kill people.
I’m not going to bother ending this review on a positive or hopeful note.
The most shocking revelation for me was the food being essentially garbage slop. And they’d get punished for not eating it 😖 This is one of the darkest things in Canadian History (and that isn’t a small list).
I like how the author addressed that “hey, all schools had the strap back then”. Sure, but not like this. Not this hard, not for such tiny “infractions”, and not until the child was black and blue.
In university I found out that the last residential school in Canada did not close until the 1990s (1996, if I recall correctly) and that gutted me. I always thought of them as “way back in the crooked past” but no - I was alive and this crime was still being perpetrated, sanctioned by the government itself.
Now that I’m a bit older, I identified most with the adults, and especially Gram. It would feel so helpless to be their Gram, legally forced to send them when she herself knows firsthand how horrible the schools are. That pain and guilt and powerlessness… it would (and did) kill people.
I’m not going to bother ending this review on a positive or hopeful note.
June 6, 2021
I really liked the tone of this book, it was very conversational like having coffee with a family member. So many aspects of the stories connected the atrocities of the residential school with echos of our own lives, like rolling around in the tractor tires. Highly recommend, especially in light of recent events.
December 9, 2018
“I really get angry when non-aboriginal people become experts on aboriginal people.
They come into our territories and gather information for four or five years and they become the experts, and our elders like gran, who have lived the life of a first nations woman, become mere footnotes.
Aboriginal are the only experts on aboriginal people.
I don’t care how many years people go to school to learn about us.
Unless they have lived our lives they are not the experts.”
Chapter 16.
I hope that Audible and publishers will continue to make books like this available so we can hear more stories first hand. Hearig the account from Chief Sellars herself was simply moving. It is not a gratuitious retelling of horrors experienced in residential schools. It is often restrained, straightforward, and on so many levels you start to see and feel what happens when a culture is simply beaten down, generation after generation, into feeling worthless and invisible. There is also that spark in Bev Sellars, especially transmitted in the audobook.
They come into our territories and gather information for four or five years and they become the experts, and our elders like gran, who have lived the life of a first nations woman, become mere footnotes.
Aboriginal are the only experts on aboriginal people.
I don’t care how many years people go to school to learn about us.
Unless they have lived our lives they are not the experts.”
Chapter 16.
I hope that Audible and publishers will continue to make books like this available so we can hear more stories first hand. Hearig the account from Chief Sellars herself was simply moving. It is not a gratuitious retelling of horrors experienced in residential schools. It is often restrained, straightforward, and on so many levels you start to see and feel what happens when a culture is simply beaten down, generation after generation, into feeling worthless and invisible. There is also that spark in Bev Sellars, especially transmitted in the audobook.
April 12, 2018
This is a remarkable book for a number of reasons.
The writing is very straightforward, and I see from other reviews that some readers felt it was dry. I'd highly recommend the audio version (read by Chief Sellars) for an incredibly human experience.
This might also be the most honest memoir I've ever read. Chief Sellars doesn't shrink from telling stories that show her in a less-than-favorable light, nor does she overly highlight stories in which she shines.
Her experiences are heartbreaking and infuriating (the Catholic church is guilty of so many sins against children and Indigenous peoples), and it is hard to listen to at times - though incredibly uplifting at others. Much more importantly, I learned an immense amount about the experience and impact of racism - including residential schools - on First Nations and Native Americans. I think everyone in the U.S. and Canada (and Australia and probably everywhere else) should listen to this book.
The writing is very straightforward, and I see from other reviews that some readers felt it was dry. I'd highly recommend the audio version (read by Chief Sellars) for an incredibly human experience.
This might also be the most honest memoir I've ever read. Chief Sellars doesn't shrink from telling stories that show her in a less-than-favorable light, nor does she overly highlight stories in which she shines.
Her experiences are heartbreaking and infuriating (the Catholic church is guilty of so many sins against children and Indigenous peoples), and it is hard to listen to at times - though incredibly uplifting at others. Much more importantly, I learned an immense amount about the experience and impact of racism - including residential schools - on First Nations and Native Americans. I think everyone in the U.S. and Canada (and Australia and probably everywhere else) should listen to this book.
November 21, 2024
Another thing that happened soon after we arrived at residential school is that we were given a number that would become our identity throughout our years at school. I became Number 1 on the girls' side. Although the other kids all continued to call me by name, "Bev Sellars" ceased to exist for most of the nuns and priests. Instead they would say, "Number 1, come here" or "I want these girls in my office, Numbers 3, 14, 72, and 105" or "Number 1, say the second decade of the rosary". Ninety or more years after she left St. Joseph's Mission, my grandmother still remembered her number - 27 - and - 28 - the number assigned to her sister Annie. My mom remembers her number was 71.
Bev Sellars was the third generation of indigenous people in her family to have been forced into leaving her family to attend St. Joseph's Mission (the "Mission"), a residential school near Williams Lake in British Columbia, Canada. It's made evident in Sellars' memoir that attending the Mission has impacted not only her life, but also the lives of all the families around her. It's clear that the physical and mental trauma inflicted on children over several generations has lasting negative impacts that have poisoned hundreds of families and Aboriginal communities.
For those who are unfamiliar with the residential school system, these were government-sponsored schools run by the Church from the 1830's to 1990's, designed to "educate and assimilate" Indigenous children to Canadian society. From the 1870's to 1960's, Canadian law (specifically, the Indian Act) required all Aboriginal, Inuit and Metis children ages 7 to 16 from across the country to attend a residential school or risk going to jail.
These schools didn't do much in terms of "educating" children, unless the goal was to teach kids to fear White people, and erase their Native cultures and languages. Children were forced to do labour. Sexual and physical assault was the norm, thereby encouraging Indigenous youths to drown their traumas in alcohol or turning to suicide as their only means of escape. Sellars' brother even pointed out, after spending time in jail, that his time in jail was better than his time at the Mission and had he known this before, he would have gladly gone to jail instead of school.
It was normal to find out that community members were serving time in jail. The funny thing was that no one ever asked, "What crime did he or she commit?" Guilt or innocence was irrelevant because, if an Indian was accused of a crime, they pleaded guilty just like at the Mission. The residential schools taught us to take our punishment even if we were innocent. The schools taught us that we had no rights and that trying to complain or reveal the truth only made things worse. We learned not to complain. We learned that no one cared whether we were innocent or guilty. We learned that we were totally at the mercy of White authority.
Although this memoir covered a lot of dark aspects of Sellars' childhood, she also has happy memories to share - she was lucky enough to have been able to go home for the winter and summer holidays (whereas some orphaned children did not have the same opportunity to do so) to her loving grandparents (whereas other children went home to abusive families who dealt with their own traumas by taking it out on their kids).
When I grew up, if anyone asked me about my childhood I would always say, "I had a great childhood." This probably surprised some people who knew of my history at residential school but, when I thought of my childhood, I only included my life at Deep Creek and Soda Creek. I did not want others to know about my years at the Mission. Those lazy, carefree days of summer were my childhood until I was reminded of the other childhood I didn't want to tell anyone about.
I'll note that the writing was disjointed as this book serves more of a collection of memories that don't necessarily follow a strict timeline. Nevertheless, this book depicts an important aspect of Canadian history in which Indigenous groups are still recovering from the impacts of the residential school system. The book does end on a hopeful tone of the change that Indigenous communities are fighting for and have successfully fought for. I loved it when Sellars' said "Moving beyond my experience at St. Joseph's Mission, I feel my 'mission' now is to make Aboriginal people realize that it is time we started living again and not just surviving. I think of the nuns and priests at residential school, who replaced my name with a number, and I say it is time for us all to realize that we need to make ourselves 'Number One' in our lives. It is time for us to realize that we need to make ourselves a priority and not feel ashamed or reduced by that experience. Someone said that I am a survivor but I believe I am much more than that. I prefer to claim outright victory in this war against the residential-school experience. Even though I sometimes barely survived, I didn't become one of the terrible statistics of Aboriginal people. In the end, I win! Residential school did not manage to beat the Indian out of me and my Aboriginal pride just keeps getting stronger. I look around and I see many more like me. It makes my heart swell and it makes me hopeful for the future of our Aboriginal nations. I win."
*** #42 of my 2024 Popsugar Reading Challenge - A nonfiction book about Indigenous people ***
June 12, 2022
Bev Sellars has written a candid memoir of her life on the reservation and the years she spent in one of the residential schools that the Canadian government had required Aboriginal parents to send their children (some as young as five years old).
Set up and run by the Roman Catholic Church and rife with abuse - physical, psychological, and sexual - these schools irreversibly damaged the children, the parents/families, their communities and their cultures.
Set up and run by the Roman Catholic Church and rife with abuse - physical, psychological, and sexual - these schools irreversibly damaged the children, the parents/families, their communities and their cultures.
Want to read
August 2, 2020Recommended on a essential reading list by a Canadian indigenous group.
March 24, 2021
Incredibly informative and moving. 100%, a great piece for every Canadian school.
July 22, 2022
This was very difficult to read. While it is one person's story, it illuminates the atrocity of the Indigenous Residential School system in Canada.
September 14, 2022
Very educational. It was a great view into the author’s life and the hurdles she faced and overcame. It is more of a record of her personal history but there is some added commentary that really probes for thought.
August 5, 2021
Such a candid memoir of growing up on reserve and attending residential school, and all that comes with and after that. Sellars manages to show us that finding the bright moments and the humour in dark places still doesn’t undermine the totality of the trauma experienced.
February 20, 2025
Unglaublich interessant und wirklich tolles story telling! Konnte gar nicht aufhören zu lesen. Eine Empfehlung für Jeden!
December 28, 2014
Residential schools are a dark part of Canadian history and the sad part is that most Canadians do not know about them. They are avoided and not talked about along with the many other problems that Native people face today.
I myself didn't know much about residential schools before I read this book. I just knew what they were trying to achieve and that the means that they used were terrible. However, this book explained just how terrible they were treated in those schools. They were abused physical, sexually and above all, mentally. The pain that the children endured was then reflected in their lives afterwards. A lot committed suicide and many also turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the abuse that they suffered in those schools. It is such a heartbreaking subject to read about, and it is absolutely despicable what those people did to the native people.
I really like the fact that Sellars only told her story. The experiences in these schools would be different for everybody and she doesn't try to tell anyone else's story. She just tells her own and the abuse that she suffered. Some people don't want to speak about the things that they had to go through in these so-called schools and Sellars respects that. She gives the reader her story and pieces of her grandmother and her mother's experiences but that is it. She leaves the other people involved to tell their story.
This book is about the totally affected of the residential schools. The reader follows Sellars as she goes through her experiences, as she tries to comes to terms with what she had to go through and her healing process. The readers learns that even though we have come a long way from the residential schools, there is still lots of work to.
I myself didn't know much about residential schools before I read this book. I just knew what they were trying to achieve and that the means that they used were terrible. However, this book explained just how terrible they were treated in those schools. They were abused physical, sexually and above all, mentally. The pain that the children endured was then reflected in their lives afterwards. A lot committed suicide and many also turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the abuse that they suffered in those schools. It is such a heartbreaking subject to read about, and it is absolutely despicable what those people did to the native people.
I really like the fact that Sellars only told her story. The experiences in these schools would be different for everybody and she doesn't try to tell anyone else's story. She just tells her own and the abuse that she suffered. Some people don't want to speak about the things that they had to go through in these so-called schools and Sellars respects that. She gives the reader her story and pieces of her grandmother and her mother's experiences but that is it. She leaves the other people involved to tell their story.
This book is about the totally affected of the residential schools. The reader follows Sellars as she goes through her experiences, as she tries to comes to terms with what she had to go through and her healing process. The readers learns that even though we have come a long way from the residential schools, there is still lots of work to.
Read
August 6, 2015http://rabble.ca/books/reviews/2013/1...
Review by Dr. Theresa Turmel
I usually get very excited about reading a book written by a residential school survivor and this instance was no exception. I experience joy in that we are now hearing survivors’ voices that had in the past been silenced.
Bev Sellars’ They Called Me Number One: Secrets and Survival at an Indian Residential School details Sellars’ life from the time she was five years old until the age of 58 and she notes four reasons she felt compelled to write this book.
First, Sellars wanted to recognize that in the early 1990s "our communities first began to explore and deal with the aftermath of the Indian residential schools."
Second, Sellars wanted to share her experience with fellow survivors -- those she knew who were suffering the same experiences.
Third, through the process of writing, Sellars felt she was "still disassembling the restrictive world in which" she used to live and wanted to move forward in that process.
Lastly, Sellars was and continues to feel angry about the way Aboriginal people were treated and are still being treated in Canada and wanted to express and resolve some of that anger.
Read more here: http://rabble.ca/books/reviews/2013/1...
Review by Dr. Theresa Turmel
I usually get very excited about reading a book written by a residential school survivor and this instance was no exception. I experience joy in that we are now hearing survivors’ voices that had in the past been silenced.
Bev Sellars’ They Called Me Number One: Secrets and Survival at an Indian Residential School details Sellars’ life from the time she was five years old until the age of 58 and she notes four reasons she felt compelled to write this book.
First, Sellars wanted to recognize that in the early 1990s "our communities first began to explore and deal with the aftermath of the Indian residential schools."
Second, Sellars wanted to share her experience with fellow survivors -- those she knew who were suffering the same experiences.
Third, through the process of writing, Sellars felt she was "still disassembling the restrictive world in which" she used to live and wanted to move forward in that process.
Lastly, Sellars was and continues to feel angry about the way Aboriginal people were treated and are still being treated in Canada and wanted to express and resolve some of that anger.
Read more here: http://rabble.ca/books/reviews/2013/1...
May 5, 2022
3.5 stars. This is a hard book to rate. The details about residential schools are important for all Canadians to know yet they are so brutally awful, it's not a fun read. Bev Sellars does a good job describing what she, her family and other Indigenous people in her community endured. Until residential schools became newsworthy when children's bodies were found at these sites, most non-Indigenous Canadians were ignorant about this topic.
The abuse described in this book includes physical punishment with a strap, emotional punishment from isolation and shaming, sexual abuse, medical neglect, near starvation, hard labour and loss of identity, language and culture. All of this occurred in church-run residential schools that the government forced aboriginal children to attend. Why do so many Catholic priests and nuns abuse children? The discrimination by the Catholic Church, RCMP, Canadian government, hospitals and most white authority figures is shocking and deplorable!
When I read the first chapter about the author's ancestors I thought it wasn't well written. Either the writing style improved or I got used to it. The book uses a first-person, matter-of-fact, this is my story style.
The author overcame so much. She was brave to document her past alcoholism. What she achieved in terms of her education as a mature student and employment is amazing given her earlier experiences.
The abuse described in this book includes physical punishment with a strap, emotional punishment from isolation and shaming, sexual abuse, medical neglect, near starvation, hard labour and loss of identity, language and culture. All of this occurred in church-run residential schools that the government forced aboriginal children to attend. Why do so many Catholic priests and nuns abuse children? The discrimination by the Catholic Church, RCMP, Canadian government, hospitals and most white authority figures is shocking and deplorable!
When I read the first chapter about the author's ancestors I thought it wasn't well written. Either the writing style improved or I got used to it. The book uses a first-person, matter-of-fact, this is my story style.
The author overcame so much. She was brave to document her past alcoholism. What she achieved in terms of her education as a mature student and employment is amazing given her earlier experiences.
October 20, 2015
Bev Sellars memoir has no literary pretensions. It feels more like sitting down and having coffee with a friend, relating the story of her life. Ms. (Chief?) Sellars approach toward the telling of her story is simply linear and very conversational.
Despite the title of the book, Mr. Sellars story of her experiences as a child in a residential school only take up maybe a third of the book. However, it's obvious that much of the First Nations' own experience has been embittered by the residential school era, just as Ms. Sellars personally entire life has been lived in the wake of the trauma.
Stories have emerged from the residential of particular horrors individual children were subject to--e.g. sexual abuse. But as is clear from Ms. Sellars account (herself not being a sexual abuse victim), the schools themselves were horrors. They were not about education, but de-education. They were essentially concentration camps for First Nations children. From food to living conditions to work assignments, supposed Christian teachers and administrators treated the children like the "savages" they believed them to be. Jesus wept.
Few people will ever have the opportunity to sit down and have coffee with Ms. Sellars. For the next best thing, read this book. Listen, learn, and understand.
Despite the title of the book, Mr. Sellars story of her experiences as a child in a residential school only take up maybe a third of the book. However, it's obvious that much of the First Nations' own experience has been embittered by the residential school era, just as Ms. Sellars personally entire life has been lived in the wake of the trauma.
Stories have emerged from the residential of particular horrors individual children were subject to--e.g. sexual abuse. But as is clear from Ms. Sellars account (herself not being a sexual abuse victim), the schools themselves were horrors. They were not about education, but de-education. They were essentially concentration camps for First Nations children. From food to living conditions to work assignments, supposed Christian teachers and administrators treated the children like the "savages" they believed them to be. Jesus wept.
Few people will ever have the opportunity to sit down and have coffee with Ms. Sellars. For the next best thing, read this book. Listen, learn, and understand.
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