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369 pages, Paperback
First published December 2, 2012
Appearances don't mean everything...
Everyone should have something to rebel against.
Let me be clear. I don't get hung up on girls. They get hung up on me. I know that sounds all sexist and all, but I don't give a damn how it sounds. It's the way it is.
Before you go, you need to know—I'd do anything for you ... Even kiss you goodbye and watch you go.
Home is where the people you love are. It's about finding the things that matter to you, holding on to them and taking care of them...
I’ve never liked feeling out of control. Not like that. I’d gone there once, head over heels in love, and it did so much damage to my life I didn’t think I’d ever recover. No way I’d ever go there again. Whatever else happened, I was in control of my life.
“Appearances aren’t everything.”
“Maybe I need something that means something.”
“I’m ready to take some risks.”Crank falls hard and fast for Julia. There is something about this girl. She’s different than anyone he’s ever known. As Crank’s music is starting to really take off, he realizes what is really important. His life isn’t just about the band and meaningless girls anymore. It’s about her. She inspires his music and his life. Julia isn’t ready to take that step yet. Crank is willing to do whatever it takes to keep Julia in his life. More than that, he wants to make sure she’s okay. That she’s happy. She has so many obstacles from her past that she has never been able to move forward from. Crank knows she needs to get past these issues before they can ever give it a real go, but it’s so hard to give someone you love that kind of space.
“We’ll take them together.”
“Home's where the people you love are. It's about finding the things that matter to you, and holding on to them and taking care of them.”
"But if you love her ... you have to give her what she needs. Even if that means letting her go."
"Family matter more than anything. Home's where the people you love are. It's about finding the things that matter to you, and holding on to the and taking care of them."
"Appearances don't mean everything..."
"I was so screwed. Because no matter how much I tried to think about Alicia or Candy or ... whatever that girl's name was with the leopard pumps ... all I could think about was Julia."
"You need to know that I'd do anything for you...even kiss you goodbye and watch you go."
“What do you want from me, Crank?” Her voice was raw, desperate.
I looked at her. She was so close, but might as well have been a thousand miles away. I said, “I want you to love me.”
“Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?” she asked. In a mocking tone, she said, “Hi, I’m Crank, and I’m irresistible. Let me take you to the beach and see if we can get sexy.”
She was all woman. Proud, and angry, and isolated, and in some ways, scary as hell, but this was no innocent girl. She’d been through the wringer.
Maybe I need something that means something.
It was bitter, like dust, a bare moonscape inside my heart instead of flowers or bunnies or hearts or whatever the hell other people wanted to feel like. But it was also survival; it was life. And it was mine.Julia meets Crank. Her complete opposite. Crank is a singer and songwriter in a band called Morbid Obesity. He is wild, passionate and out of control. It scares the crap out of Julia. She is afraid to lose control, because she feels like it's the only thing she has left.
Even though I was around people all the time, I just felt so damn alone.
I know it’s not a good idea. That’s why we should do it.Not just their personalities are different. Their families are like polar opposites too. Julia comes from a cold, indifferent and demanding family. Crank's family is broken, but still full of love. His brother, Sean, has Asperger's syndrome and his mom left them years ago. His dad, however, is the sweetest, kindest and most caring man ever.
I stood watching, marveling at the contrast of my own distant, controlling parents as this strong man held both of his sons in his arms, holding them together with love and a strength I couldn’t comprehend.This is where I should tell you that even though Crank and Julia are not dating (yet), Julia gets involved with his family. His dad treats her like his own daughter and she even becomes friends with Sean.
I’d done everything I could for the last few years to avoid being needed by anyone. I’d done everything I could to avoid needing anyone. But something in the last few weeks made me realize I didn’t want to be alone.What I absolutely loved was her friendship with Sean. Really, it added so much to the story. I loved how Charles managed to subtly shed a light on Asperger's syndrome and show us the similarities between Sean and Julia. They are both misunderstood, isolated, lonely, armored, on the defensive all the time, unable to connect to other people, have trust-issues and have been through some very rough times. At the same time they're both strong, courageous and special. They're different and while they both start out being isolated, they slowly crawl out of their shells. Sean is the first one who gets to hear what happened to Julia. When Sean asks her why she trusted him when she's never trusted anyone before, here's what she says:
Because you’re special. You’re just like me. So I know I can trust you.I loved their connection and friendship. Another thing this story teaches us is that we shouldn't be quick to judge and instead look beneath the surface. Everyone has a story. Everyone wears a mask and if you wear it long enough, you won't be able to tell the difference anymore. But sometimes we meet people who see right through it. Sometimes we meet people who care to know the story and break through the surface. Nothing is what it seems.
Sometimes things aren’t what they appear. We all have hurts that we don’t show.It's about taking the time to find out someone's story and letting go of the grudges you hold. It's about forgiving others, but also forgiving yourself.
I’ll forgive you today, tomorrow, every day.Crank and Julia were such beautiful characters. I loved them with all my heart.
I wanted nothing more in the world than just to find a way to give her one minute, one hour, one day of happiness.The character development was amazing. Not only Julia, but Crank and Sean came a long way too.
Wrapped up inside myself, protected so tight inside my own cocoon where nothing could hurt me, nothing could touch me. All these emotions felt … raw, dangerous, out of control. But those emotions … they also made me feel alive. And I was starting to want that. I was starting to want to live, to really live, to let myself be who I really was. Not wrapped up in protecting myself, not wrapped up in hating myself.Julia had spent most of her life feeling like she lost herself, her identity, her family and her home until she met Crank. He showed her the real meaning of a home.
I feel like, with you, I can do anything in the world. That we can do anything in the world. And we will.
There was something about her, though. Sexy as hell, but that wasn’t really it. I looked at her, and it was like she was ready to explode. I’d lived on rage and adrenaline most of the last six years, and when I looked at Julia, I thought I saw someone who understood that. (Crank)
I’ve never liked feeling out of control. Not like that. I’d gone there once, head over heels in love, and it did so much damage to my life I didn’t think I’d ever recover. No way I’d ever go there again. Whatever else happened, I was in control of my life. No one else. Certainly not some formless emotion and lust that can take away who you even are. (Julia)
My life didn’t have room for someone like Crank. And from what he’d said, his didn’t have room either. This was all a little off-key, out of place, almost as if it was someone else out to dinner with him, and I was playing a role. I almost never go out with guys. And I never let my emotions get ahead of my brain. But tonight, as we tried to wave down a cab to head toward Georgetown, I was feeling a little out of control. (Julia)
It’s amazing how you can say a lot of words that are all true, and completely obscure the truth at the same time. I was an expert at that. I spend my life spinning a web of half spoken truths; an armor weaved of words that do nothing but hide who I am.
He grinned and very gently shook his head. “Nothing to rebel against? Nothing at all?”
“Nope,” I replied. Except maybe my mother, who controlled every moment of my life. But that’s more than I was willing to say.
“That’s sad,” Cranks said. “Everyone should have something to rebel against.” (Julia)
It was official. Crank was crazy. Compelling, interesting, and damned good looking. But crazy. (Julia)
This was different. It was very different. Everything I’d seen of Julia fascinated me. She was kind, and compassionate, and smart as hell, and she was also one moody bitch. Call me crazy, but that combination was one hell of a turn-on. I wanted to break her out of that shell and find out what she was like underneath. (Crank)
“What did you do to her? Why did she leave like that?”
I took a deep breath and answered honestly.
“I told her I loved her.” (Crank) *tear*
"What do you want from me, Crank?" Her voice was raw, desperate.
I looked at her. She was so close, but might as well have been a thousand miles away. I said, "I want you to love me."