Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date

by Katie Heaney

"I've been single for my entire life. Not one boyfriend. Not one short-term dating situation. Not one person with whom I regularly hung out and kissed on the face."

So begins Katie Heaney's memoir of her years spent looking for love, but never quite finding it. By age 25, equipped with a college degree, a load of friends, and a happy family life, she still has never had a boyfriend ... and she's barely even been on a second date.

Throughout this laugh-out-loud funny book, you will meet Katie's loyal group of girlfriends, including flirtatious and outgoing Rylee, the wild child to Katie's shrinking violet, as well as a whole roster of Katie's ill-fated crushes. And you will get to know Katie herself -- a smart, modern heroine relaying truths about everything from the subtleties of a Facebook message exchange to the fact that "Everybody who works in a coffee shop is at least a little bit hot."

Funny, relatable, and inspiring, this is a memoir for anyone who has ever struggled to find love, but has also had a lot of fun in the process.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Biography, Chick Lit, Romance, Biography Memoir

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 14, 2014

About the author

Katie Heaney is the author of Public Relations, Dear Emma, and Never Have I Ever, as well as the forthcoming memoir Would You Rather? (Penguin Random House, February 2018). Her writing has also appeared in New York magazine online, Cosmopolitan, The Atlantic, Racked, and The Hairpin, among other places. She lives in Brooklyn.

Reviews

[Elyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am 99% sure Katie snuck into my room and stole my journals. This book hits way too close to home and I love it. It's nice knowing I'm not alone in a quarter century of solitude.

[Jen (Feffer) · Rating 2 out of 5]

“I’ve been single for my entire life. Not one boyfriend. Not one short-term dating situation. Not one person with whom I regularly hung out and kissed on the face.”

It’s a quote from Katie Heaney’s book, Never Have I Ever, but I could have written that. Up until a certain, shockingly late point in my life, that was me. I never, never EVER had a boyfriend. In high school, in fact, I never had a date. There was nothing wrong with me; guys loved me. They wanted to tell me all about their girlfriends and hang out with me and take me all kinds of places to hang out, and even tell me how awesome and sometimes how cute I was. They just didn’t want to date me. I watched them take other girls to dances and to fancy dinners, watched them hold hands and kiss in the halls and go on picnics, and always wondered, “Why not me?”

I never did figure it out, really. I think it mostly came down to the fact that I was terrible at flirting, and by the time I got to be OK at it, I only tried it out on guys who weren’t worth my time. You can imagine how THAT went! (Or maybe you can’t. Good for you! Don’t try.) Thank goodness my husband finally came along and

...Read more of this review at fefferbooks.com.

[Naoms · Rating 4 out of 5]

Originally Posted on Confessions of an Opinionated Book Geek

4.5 Stars

Katie Heaney has never had a boyfriend. Never has she ever. She’s a virgin, she’s inexperienced and she is in her mid 20s. This is the hook of “Never Have I Ever” and it sticks through out the memoir, but it’s about so much more. It’s about a girl, a teenager and now a young woman trying to navigate a world where she seems to be the lone fish in the pond.

Katie (yes, I feel comfortable calling her Katie, because I have basically read her journal and that definitely puts us on a first name standing), outlines her life and how it relates to boys. I don’t think we as women realize how tuned into the opposite sex we are. Our stories from grad school into adulthood and beyond chronicles adventures of getting boyfriends. Really think about it. Really think about it, from Sweet Valley High, to Pride & Prejudice to Eat Pray Love, these books take us on different adventures, and follows females figuring out who and what they are and want to be and ends with them falling in love.

That is what our society has set up for us, so imagine being twenty-five years old and never really falling in love. Never having a long term commitment. Never having sex or any kind of prospect for marriage. What does that make you?

Katie takes us deep into her thoughts through out the years. We get sections of her journals, her funny retelling of her most embarrassing moments and she bravely tells us about the times that she cried. It starts off ridiculous and so true with first crushes on Jonathan Taylor Thomas (right! Didn’t we all love us some JTT?) to the crushes who ignored her and the crushes she ran away from. This first section is charming and adorable, because I think we all remember the days of kindergarten boyfriends, fifth grade loves of our lives and the boys who were more interested in video games than girls, but we were all interested in them.

Then it gets adult, and we see how little Katie understands about the opposite sex and what it takes to gain their favor. I think a lot of us, especially the inexperienced us, have turned our crushes and love interests into false gods. The times we know very little about them and have already built our entire romantic futures and married lives on a single hello or a polite smile.

What I think the true heart of this story is not just Katie and her misadventures with the opposite sex, but her friendships. The book starts with a description of what makes her different from her best friend and as the book progresses, we meet that best friend and we watch that relationship grow. More, we see how normal, happy and legitimately OK you can be without male attention. That while you may seem like a fish out water and while you may wonder “what the hell is wrong with me?” You know that nothing really is.

I picked this up, because like Katie, never have I ever. I wanted to read it, because I was amazed to discover there is someone out in the world who understands what it’s like to be 25 with little to no experience. I read my ARC just as I was turning 25 and Katie Heaney’s sharp wit, adorable retellings and honest vulnerability helped combat the “I’m a freak of nature” depressed feelings on my birthday last week.

Still, I believe this is a book that everyone can enjoy. It’s not just to say to inexperienced girls “you are not alone” or to preach chastity or something to experienced girls. This is just one girls story. And Katie Heaney is funny, smart and so unbelievably honest about things the rest of us would have kept hidden as a dirty little secret. She’s brave and I recommend her book, highly.

ARC Provided by Grand Central Publishing and Netgalley.

[Evie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was always taught to administer my judgments with a pinch of salt, so picture me writing this out with an uncomfortable smile in place and an exaggerated squint. Are you picturing it? Okay, good. On with the review!

*Mr. Burns steeple fingers engaged*

I was promised that this book would blow my socks off, and even now, after having had time to reflect on the ending, the socks are still in place. Are you looking at the cover? It just oozes cuteness and likability, right? And see, that’s what makes writing this a little uncomfortable, because all-in-all, Heaney seems like a nice, funny, intelligent, and somewhat awkward girl. From one awkward girl to another, it just seems like there aren’t enough of us out there to form a support group, which is why subtitles like My Life (So Far) Without a Date are so appealing.

Before I get ahead of myself, at the time of publication, Heaney was a dateless 25-year-old. She’d never had a boyfriend…ever. By way of age milestones, she relates specific examples of boy crushes, and odd drunken attempts at pairing off. There were quite a few hilarious situations, but I mostly found myself scratching my head. If I wasn’t reading this along with my best friend, (who incidentally loved it and finished it in two sittings), I would have given up on this one. Her liberal use of “like”, “literally”, “and I was all…”, “or something”, drove me nuts! I can’t even handle that in person, let alone on paper! Why?!?

"So, for example, there would be, like, a picture of the two of them in the dorm lounge, and underneath it would be the phrase, “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone” in neon pink Comic Sans or something."

Lest this review seem too caustic, I will add that I started enjoying the book more when she got to graduate school, which is a bummer because it was almost over. She used pretty apt analogies about love, and being okay with who you are, regardless of how others perceive you. I hope one day a tall, handsome stranger sweeps her off her feet. I just might pay to read that book, too.

[Monet St. Louis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly - i was VERY disappointed in this book. I figured - noting the title - that this would be a funny story about a girl who was a shut-in nerd (like me) who has never been on a date before. again LIKE THE TITLE STATES. But no. This was a 'memoir' or a 'biography' of the author (who i have never heard before). She is i believe 26 and has never had a real boyfriend before....that may be true, but she has been on many a dates, and made out with quite a few guys, and had several relationships with men that - if i had a friend spending that much time with a guy i would think they were dating. She was pretty much boy crazy from age 5 by the sounds of the story, and sounded like one of the crazy girls in high school who had her locker smeared with her at-the-moment-celebrity-crush and would ramble on and on and on (like she did in the book) about who ever she was IN LOVE with at the moment.

It was overall a very boring book, with crude language, and in my opinion horrible friends that are probably laughing at her right now for publishing this book. I listened to the audiobook and the narrator made me want to CRY from how utterly horrible she was. Overall this was a very disappointing book for me, seeing as i had pre-ordered the audiobook on audible.com and was super excited to read it. oh well... guess its not just the pretty covers that i have to watch out for now, its the catchy titles too :D

[Chelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am seriously going to buy a copy of this for all of my friends.

Katie Heaney is charming, witty and above all, brave. Throwing expectation out the window, she writes about dating life, and life in general as it REALLY is instead of how we think it should be. I think I nodded the entire time I was reading. Dear Katie Heaney, you are awesome.

(For a bit more elaboration: http://tinyurl.com/kdssk7)

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know that I should probably review this book with a sense of goodwill, but I just cannot find the words.

[Valerie Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never have I ever related so well to the narrator of a non-fiction book. And right now, this week of this month this year, from the very day I started it (okay like three days ago) to the day I finished it (three minutes ago) was the absolute perfect time for me to read it. Because I, who have also been more or less single for the now 27 years of my life, am usually very, VERY content with my relationship status (or lack thereof) and for some reason, last week, felt a little like I had termites in my otherwise strong foundation. Katie Heaney's book was exactly what I needed to exterminate those termites of self-doubt and frustration. Reading this book felt a lot like reading an (albeit long) email from a friend. Katie absolutely and definitely seems like the kind of person I would want to spend time with - smart, funny, insightful, fiercely loyal, and an extraordinary storyteller. (Also it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has no idea how to flirt or how to identify flirting or where on earth everyone else in the world seemed to learn.) I could spend all night writing about all the ways I related to this book, but instead I'm just going to recommend you read it. It's so...familiar isn't a positive enough word. In the beginning of the book, Katie writes that she hopes the book feels like you're hanging out with her, drinking, and she's telling you about her embarrassing adventures, and that's exactly what it feels like. Like the best one-sided conversation you'll ever have.

Side note: This is going to sound like a really trivial thing, but it felt more important than I can express. In a few parts of the book, Katie makes some generalizations about girls/dating, but always in a way that includes (or deliberately excludes) lesbians. For example, she wouldn't say "all girls are hoping she'll meet a guy..." etc. She would say "all girls who are inclined to the opposite sex" or "all girls with the exception of gay ones" (much more eloquently than the examples I just provided) and it sounds like such a small thing, but it really, really isn't. Far too often, I'm reading an article or a book or a post I relate to almost entirely, and then bam, just like that, in one measly sentence, I am entirely excluded. Erased, invisible, no longer able to play with the other girls. And it is not a fun feeling. So for that, I thank Katie, and I hope the future storytellers she will surely inspire will follow suit.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read more than half of this and had to stop when I realized it was never going to be anything else. There's nothing wrong with the writing, but an entire book about someone's various crushes and brief makeout sessions, starting in kindergarten and going through age 25, and college experiences that are exactly like everyone else's college experiences? I can't believe even the people who are featured are interested in that much detail.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Initial reaction: Solid 2.5 stars. I liked some of Katie Heaney's statements about love and reflecting openly about her relationships through her life, but I was still very underwhelmed by this collective read. There were parts I just didn't connect with for various reasons that I'll expand upon in the review. One of the challenges about reflecting about your relationship history, even in a humorous, self-deprecating manner, is that it can get meandering very quickly if there's not a focal point to center what you're ultimately saying. Maybe that was the problem I had with this collection, among others.

Full review:

I jumped into this book with eagerness because the thematic of it as a memoir intrigued me. Any person who could be so brave to write about their respective relationship history (or lack thereof) has my utmost respect, because relationships, romantic or otherwise, can be complex and...complicated. I know this all too well, and I'm a single woman myself with degrees of relationship inexperience. (It's a long story, and probably more personal than I myself am willing to get into.)

Maybe I expected something like Allie Brosh's style of humor or something like E. Lockhart's "Ruby Oliver" series on the note of approaching relationships for style of humor (note, the latter is YA fiction, but still so relevant). That's not really what I got here, and maybe my expectations were set too high on the humor. I didn't really laugh that much here. A few chuckles here and there, and some identification (HEY! Polly Pocket! JTT crush!) of my generation. But honestly, this memoir was lacking something major, and even as I'm reflecting on it now - I'm not sure what it is that kept this from being more appealing than what it was. It should've been appealing to me, but felt more tedious and sometimes awkward - almost offensive in the translation of humor. And I have an open sense of humor for things (though the more I keep thinking of this read, I feel like I missed something other people who enjoyed this didn't. *hangs head*)

I'll attempt to list some rationales on why it didn't work for me, but it may be just a matter of personal preference. The complication in detailing your personal histories and relationships is that it can be difficult to find a focal point to really bring the relationships and ongoing narrative to terms in a way that holds continous attention. Heaney structured her memoir chronologically from childhood to grad school, which makes sense for following her perceptions of boys and crushes in general. That's cool. But not everyone has the same perceptions of what their relationships with boys are whether you're of the same or opposite sex. I could get behind Heaney saying that these experiences were unique to her mindset, but some of the global statements I couldn't get behind because my own experiences as a youth and growing up into teen and adult years were very different from her. I recognized that, but at the same time, the conversational tone here inadvertently (not intentionally) kind of isolates a lot of people for experience. Maybe if her experiences had been supplemented better not just in a chronological format, but also for theme, maybe I could've gotten behind it a little better. It felt scattered, jarring and didn't always connect or end well between sections of the narrative.

I also feel like I was just at arms length for most of her experiences. I got to know some of the guys she talked about, some of the frustrations she felt when relationships either didn't work out her way or she saw other people's relationships work out in horrible ways (which kind of had me on the fence about the portrayal, but I went with it anyway). I mean, I didn't expect this to be as intimate a narrative or for Heaney to start naming off her histories as bluntly as a Taylor Swift song, but...I guess I expected more investment? I don't know - it felt like something was missing through the rolling narrative, and it wasn't because of Heaney's lack of relationships but lack of expansion on what those relationships meant in reflection. It failed to be more meaningful and immersive for me.

I mean, if the relationships we have are like a larger tapestry that with each of us is made of different patterns and shapes and colors, we each have our own to show for it. Everyone is different and has different progressive points, and no relationship should be one that defines you as a whole. There's nothing wrong, and this is something I commended Heaney for saying in some measure - though belated in the narrative, with setting your own pace for your relationships and telling other people who shame you for not reaching a certain relationship milestone by a certain age to buzz off. First kisses, first dates, first anythings are things that come as they are and as you navigate the weird and complex realm that composes your relationships (again, romantic or otherwise). It's your life, do what you will and what makes you yourself happy. It's a process, and it can be messy, but ultimately it's something you experience.

I had issues more with trying to follow what meaning Heaney's relationships had in her development over time, and while some moments did give me a chuckle, I couldn't always identify or laugh along with her because the delivery she gives on some of her relationships feels clinical, not so much in description, but for intimacy.

For example, if I were to tell you the story of the Filipino guy I crushed on in my swim class, though I never dated him, he'd be a part of the tapestry that composes my relationships/non-romantic but "almosts". You would probably ask me what meaning that relationship had for me, if it was romantic in thought, but not necessarily in reality. He was a significant person in my life though I didn't end up knowing as well as a friend or S.O. He was a crush, true, but more. I knew him on a first name basis. He had dark curly hair and light eyes and the way the water reflected in his eyes when he smiled at me made my stomach and heart want to do butterfly kicks on their own. I could tell you about the way we were both pre-med/health science majors, discussed how we bombed both our tests in Genetics class and how hard the professor was.

I could tell you that we were both just learning to swim for the first time because our university required us to pass a swim test in order to graduate (they no longer have this rule now). I could tell you that even as a girl growing up 30 minutes away from the beach most of my life and wading in shallow water, I had trouble putting my face in the pool. He'd come over to me, put his hand on my back as my partner, and ease any fears I had about moving through the next steps. We helped each other float. Sometimes he'd lean in close to me because I spoke so softly, and I could tell he was listening to every word I said. I shocked the hell out of him one time when I pulled my two swim caps (yes I wore two) off my head and he realized I had a head full of hair. ("You should totally swim with your hair out like that. Makes you look like a mermaid." Maybe a somewhat curvy mermaid, but hey, I'd take that. And he didn't mind my curves.)

He even comforted me one of the times I took a dive off the side of the pool and hit my head pretty hard because I went in awkward on the deep end. (He put his arm around me in the water and told me it was okay after making sure I was okay. I scared my professor that day though.) I could tell you how he streamlined down the same lane as me, how lean, tanned, and taut his body was, how I imagined looping my arms around him or running my fingers down his slim chest and kissing him senseless. I could tell you about a few times we met at our popular dining hall and when I didn't eat the top of my pizza crust, he wanted it and he didn't care.

Why we never dated, I don't know - he was single, I was single. Why it never became something more, I can't say, but it was still a relationship that I valued and even with the crush that never became more, I think fondly of that. This is just one relationship, a series of moments in my tapestry.

Heaney did this kind of depiction in some measures in her memoir, with varying degrees of intimacy depending on the time she reflected. Moments like that were really cool to see, but many others were a harder to connect to as she went along through her life, and not so much funny or introspective as they were just rattling off details, which it was difficult to sustain interest in because it felt like a list rather than an experience.

I guess for all the narration here, Heaney has good moments, but ultimately I found it hard to connect or gain more meaning from the narrative in a way that resonated. It could be the way it was written, it could be the style of the humor just wasn't my cuppa (or enough of my cuppa), or it could be that the potential and structure of this just didn't add up to what it purported. Either way, it was a decent read, but not as much as I was hoping for.

Overall score: 2.5/5 stars

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher Grand Central Publishing.

[Katie (novel_stitcher) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Katie Heaney in some ways is my dating soul sister. And her recounts of crushes and dates gone awry kept me laughing and tearing up in equal measure. At 25 Katie has never had a boyfriend, and very few actual dates. And I may not be in the same exact boat, but I am floating out there on the same sea. This is a book that makes me KNOW I am not alone. Heany's writing is so honest and right, I found myself nodding along more times than I can count. This is a book I could have written about my love(or loveless) life so far -- but not with nearly as much wit and honesty as Heaney does. And it doesn't hurt that we share a name. I don't think I have been so thankful for a book in a long time.

[Jenae Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Falling in love is totally unimaginable to me. I think the best things often are"

This was such a good book! As a single 20something I can relate but I think my friends who are dating (or even married) can appreciate and understand what she's talking about. Heaney does it in such a way that throughout the book I was wondering if we were the same person and if not, why we're not friends! Katie Heaney did an amazing job as a first timer. She was hilarious, witty, insightful, and very real.

[Midian Sosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

You guys, this book was PURE GENIUS!!

Never in my life have I felt like I could relate to a book, a person, or a character SO MUCH! And that’s what I loved the most about this, since we are talking about a memoir, you relate to an actual person!, I was like ¨Oh joy! I’m not alone!¨, because, to be honest, my dating life is a thing of horror.

This book was also hilarious as all get out, and since I started reading, I immediately went on Twitter and started stalking Katie (KTHeaney) and she actually interacts with people you guys! And she really is THAT funny!

Full review posted on blog www.SMIBookClub.com

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Katie Heaney from writing a book that could have been possibly written about my own life. Your stories had me laughing on the subway and your honest thoughts about the hoopla that is dating and being perpetually single hit me to the core. Funny, charming and fantastic.

[ALM188 · Rating 4 out of 5]

From my current "have read" and "to read" lists on Goodreads and from just plain knowing me, one would find it hard to believe I picked up a non-fiction title. A memoir at that. And a memoir from a contemporary at THAT. I don't make a habit to leave my little fictional/paranormal/romance world for much, but for this book. For. This. Book. I am so glad I did.

Katie Heaney's NEVER HAVE I EVER is the perfect book for every twenty-something or even college aged "kids" who feel a little lost, confused, annoyed, unresolved, anxious, and/or angry at their love lives. Not to say this (boys) is the only topic of conversation amongst our generation or even females for that matter, but it does come up. It obviously consumes you more when (like me) EVERY SINGLE one of your sorority sisters in the pledge classes above you, below you, and especially your own (not counting those million little high school girls you still have the unfortunate luck of having on your Facebook page)are in a relationship, engaged, married, or the ultimate worst...married and with a baby, outside of the womb. Crazytown. So again, when you are from a little Midwest suburb in Indiana with the above females leading your perception of how and when you should be accomplishing relationship markers, a book like this is refreshing to say the least.

The book is divided into parts: Elementary/middle school, high school, college, grad-school, and an epilogue. It was the perfect organization tactic to keep her readers with her. If you didn't love one section, at least you identified with it and could completely relate to Katie's experience. I polled my co-workers and friends the other day and every single one of us remembers the pressure of those awful school field trips where you were hoping you would get to sit and hang with friends (if you had them). The awful skating/rollerblading rinks and the first crushes with a bowl cut. I can name you several boys every single girl in my first grade class at College Wood was obsessed with and giggled over. Even in middle school there were the girls that always seemed to be "going out" with a cute boy and if you weren't one of them, you felt left out.

The entire book was laugh-out-loud funny and I don't say that lightly. I find humor in many of my books, but to uncontrollably GIGGLE? This was a first. Heaney's humor is spot on as is her self-deprecation, opinions of the world, opinions on friends, scare tactics, awkward attempts at flirting, and wanting to tell your best friend(s) how much their boyfriends suck. Or as in my case in high school to please LEAVE ME OUT of their arguments. I swear my entire sophomore/junior year was spent between one of my old friends and her boyfriends. Thank GOD I didn't have my own relationship to worry about because hers was Ridiculous and exhausting.

From the descriptions about prom, to running through girlfriends trying to find one that would so aptly embody the "best friend" everyone so desperately tries to find. From the horrible realization that one of your college guy friends may like you more than you like them and having to navigate those waters to wanting to "desire" a boyfriend into existence or magically have the boy you like like you back without even interacting. Heaney hits on every insecurity and awkward moment that goes through the heads of us girls that aren't "lighthouses" and I'm not ashamed to claim I am not one of these mythical creatures.

Do I wish sometimes I emitted a siren song so that Joe Manganiello or Gabriel Macht would realize I am the PERFECT female partner to their god-like selves? OF COURSE. But it isn't realistic.

I haven't dated much in my life either. And I never felt bad about that in elementary school (except fifth grade where I had an awful group of what my mother calls "fast" kids who "went out" with each other and made fun of my friends and I). I didn't even feel bad until 7th grade when one of the girls I was friends with ended up dating the guy I liked (this was quite tragic). But high school I went around, liked different guys, kissed different guys, went on a few dates, but nothing long-term, I was OKAY with that. In college I tried different boys out but they were quite awful, sneaky, had the "secret girlfriend." Those fleeting boys in college didn't stick and I didn't feel BAD until I graduated. Until everyone I knew seemed to be an "us" and not a "she" and just because I moved I didn't have a treasure trove of MEN knocking down my door. I'm smart, traveled, and I'd say decent company, so what is WRONG WITH ME?!

Katie's book (and yes I am going for her first name because I am pretending we are best friends now) helped me realize that even while I am in NYC and she is in Minnesota, we have gone and will probably go through the same things. We have all been awkward in love and that is not something to be ashamed about. Because unlike all of the people constantly in relationships I don't have to factor another person into every decision of mine and I've never really had to. To have to do that right now is a little bit terrifying. Even hint to me that I should have a tiny human developing inside me to further the human race and I may have a coronary. Right here at my desk.

She was honest, she was familiar, she was refreshing, she was HILARIOUS. This book is the perfect gift for anyone of us few single Midwest gals or anyone anywhere. She is strong, has a great group of friends, confident, sarcastic, witty, snarky, and all of it wraps up into awesomeness.

This review is long and you probably didn't make it this far, but if you did you can see that I really, really enjoyed my reading experience and want you to run out to the closest bookstore and devour it like I did. All I want now is for Katie to come be my wing-woman or knowing my luck at the local watering holes, just be my confidant while we analyze the Glamazons that seem to hook NYC's few single, TALL, employed, and non-jaded males. That would be best.

[Jillyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never Have I Ever is the non-fiction tale of Katie Heaney that narrates her romantic life thus far- or rather, her lack there of. Humorous, honest, and more than a little sassy, Katie shares her ups and downs with dating, and shows an inside look at what a life of being single can be like. Come get acquainted with the boys she's mooned over from afar, the ones she almost kinda dated, and the friends and families who simply ask "Why don't you get a boyfriend?"

I'm going to be perfectly honest. What first drew my eye to this title was the cover. Look at it. It's adorable. It's pretty and I want to display it on my bookshelf. Upon reading the blurb, being a fellow inactive dater, I thought I'd have to check this out to see what others like me had to say. I was not disappointed.

The difference (well, the main one) between Katie and myself is that I am in a relationship- but it was one that was a long time coming. I didn't date much in high school or junior high. There were a few guys around, but they weren't very.... Dating-y? I know that's not a word. But there were no dates, no prom, no family introductions. My current relationship is the first of that kind. So, though I am committed, I related heavily to what this author had to say. Preach it, girl.

I love the amount of sarcasm, awkwardness, and sass that went into this book. Heaney's voice is genuine, whether she's telling a funny story or reflecting on a sadder point. We have very similar tones and senses of humor. So much so, in fact, that I read my girlfriend a few quotes, and she asked me if I wasn't entirely sure that I was the one writing this book. And there were a lot of quotes that I read. This book is pretty much all quotable. If that's not a sign of an enjoyable story, I don't know what is.

I also appreciated that though she has opinions, and makes no secret of them, that she remained relatively unbiased in her assessments. For example, there are a few chapters that narrate her experiences in online dating- something of which she's not overly fond. I braced myself for the worst of it, since I've met people this way and I know that a few rotten apples have spoiled the bunch, so to speak. But her experiences were so god damn accurate. This was the mood for the whole book, really. There were so many moments when I vocally (to the concern of Emily) said "You go girl!" or "Preach it!" or "Hell yeah Jonathan Taylor Thomas is fine!" Some books make you shriek about 90's stars and Lisa Frank diaries. This is one of them.

I feel like any female (or male for that matter) who has ever been down on their luck in love, whether it was for a few years or a lifetime, will relate to Katie and the life that she's penned down. This is the kind of book you should read with a glass or seven of wine, feet up, and one of those green face scrub mask things on your face. (Is that really what girls do? I thought 'come up with a girl's night in image', and that's what came up...) Long story short: it's funny, sweet, and an interesting look into what the dating scene means to those of us to whom men and women do not gravitate. Read it.

Thank you to Netgalley & Grand Central Publishing for the chance to read this, and to Katie for sharing her story with the rest of us. I need to find a physical copy of this, that's for sure. This review can also be found on my blog, Bitches n Prose.

[Kristine Gift · Rating 5 out of 5]

I decided that I absolutely had to read Katie Heaney's book after reading her Lighthouse chapter and Online Dating Part Two chapter online; they were so relatably and self-depreciatingly hilarious that I needed to read the whole book. Heaney met -- in fact, exceeded -- my expectations. As a fellow forever-single lady, but only 22 instead of 25, Heaney's stories (especially high school, college and beyond) felt almost like stories from my own life. Her views on friendship, her terror at thinking someone might like her instead of the other way around, and her hilarious take on the dating scene were almost 100% on point with my own views and experiences. It was refreshing to read such an honest and humorous account of what it's like to be 2+ decades into your existence and be perpetually single. It was a perfect weekend read for a self-identified "Bermuda Triangle," and I would highly recommend it, even to those weird and alien "Lighthouse" ladies.

PS: Katie Heaney is also just a super awesome person. I tweeted about how great this book is, and she replied with a "<3". Made my day :)

[ℓуηη_σƒ_νєℓαяιѕ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess nonfiction chick-lit just isn't for me. I was more often than not bored through this entire book. There were a few points where I cracked a smile at some situation or description, but other than that it was more of a struggle to finish it.

When I picked it up, I thought it would be more just about how she was dealing with single life as a young adult, but NOOOOO. It starts out with her very first crushes in like kindergarten?? I couldn't care less about them. We all had them. And we all moved on.

At times I could relate to her story, but more often than not I couldn't. And when I can't relate to a character, fictional or real, I just can't really bring myself to care about the story they are trying to convey. I really only enjoyed the chapters on online dating. But that was really it for me.

[Danielle H · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really related to and liked some chapters of this book. I have put little pencil notes in my copy to indicate this. Because it’s hard to get older and still be single while you watch other people stop being single. And to kind of feel less and less connected to the people in your life who move on, even if some of them are people you think are always going to get the way you see the world. But saying that, I don’t know if there’s really enough content here for it to be a whole book. Because I kept reading with a sense of something is going to happen (because you see, we’re always conditioned to think something is going to happen) and it was hard to get through so many stories that were all false starts. Maybe because it hit too close to home? Hard to say.

[dealwithapril · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read a Memoir

I picked this up because of a reading challenge and I particularly chose this because as an 20-ish single lady who only had one boyfriend I was so sure that I can relate with her dilemma and empathize with her which I did. The author is a witty and effective narrator. There were a lot of times that I totally understand where she's coming from especially when it comes to her frustrations with dating and of course, boys but most specially her struggles with her self worth. I also appreciate the chapters where she talks about her friendship with her girl friends. There were chapters though that I didn't relate to much with because we (the author and I) still live in a two very different countries after all but other than that it was rather an enjoyable read. I was also very surprised in a good way of the coclusion because I was expecting it to end on a happy note (not that it ended in a tragic one) but I thought it'll end with a wedding or an engagement of some sort but it didn't and it felt more realistic for me. I've learned a handful of lessons and realizations, there were laughs and a few tears throughout while reading this book and it was all happy ones.

Maybe I should pick up memoirs more often.

[Chiara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel very lucky to have read the manuscript to this book....I started late one night, and found myself laughing out loud in the dark and staying up way too late to read one more chapter, and then another. No one has ever captured the ANGST and frustration of crushes as perfectly and humorously as Katie Heaney. Anyone who has ever fallen in love with a cute stranger on a train, on the street, in class, or at work, will instantly identify with it, and laugh and cringe along with her dating misadventures. But what is most admirable and impressive about this book is how unflinchingly Katie is able to examine herself. As hilariously cutting as she is when describing the male objects of her desire, she's also self-deprecating and introspective. And the book manages to point towards another (oft overlooked) great love in a woman's life: that of her friends. Loved it, can't wait to buy it for my best friends.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read most of the book while commuting and people must have thought I was crazy from laughing out loud or smiling most of the time. It's comforting to know that it's not just my bestfriend and I who still refers to guys as "boys" at the age of 24. It's also reassuring to know I wasn't the only one who started diaries every single time there is a boy to write about and to only finish 1/3 of the diary.

This book should to be recommended to every girl in her twenties, whether they are in a relationship or not. We've all been through what she's been through, be it the crush you had in kindergarten or the cute barista you (and all the female customers between the age of 12 - 30) keep fantasizing about. I loved this book and Katie Hearny did an amazing job in turning all types of crushes and relationships throughout her years into a hilarious memoir. I'm glad my coworker recommended and lent her ARC to me.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I related to 90% of what what Katie was describing in this book. Maybe I didn't find it as laugh out loud funny as I had initially thought (though there were some moments that I was in tears from laughing), but it was still one of the most fantastic books I've ever read. Mostly because I could see so much of myself that I felt like it was about my life. Because I definitely find myself at 26 in the same spot as the author.

And the fact that Katie Heaney is from the twin cities too made my day! I hope one day to run into her in a bar because I feel like I owe her a drink.

[Macala · Rating 1 out of 5]

What is the point of this book?!

I told myself I was going to finish this book so 4 months later I finish. And I’m asking myself “what is the point of this book?”

[Smitha Murthy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Awww. Katie Heaney sounds like the kind of person I would love to be friends with - funny, witty, wise, sarcastic, and so relatable, and completely honest. The kind of person who writes in a dating book that it never occurred to her to put herself or her friends second to a boyfriend. Wow. How were you intending to sell this book, Katie? The book started off with me chuckling - Katie has that rare ability to make me laugh - then kind of staggered in the middle before ending with words of wisdom in the end. She makes me laugh with words like these:

"I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming number of people who describe themselves as "living life one day at a time," as though there are tons of other ways to do it. ("Oh, me? I like to live my life eight days at a time. Really spices things up.")

And agree with words like these:
“Something that is very hard to learn and accept about real life is that a lot of people, a surprising number of people, don't really care about anyone but themselves. They pretend to care, and they can go through the motions a little bit for a little while, but when real and sad things happen that last longer than a few days, they lose interest fast."

There was probably a need for some tighter editing, and a bit more of Katie's thoughts and a little less of all the crushes. But hey, this is a dating book! Let me not grumble.

[TS · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hope my review does this book justice because, quite frankly, this is the best book I've read this year.

There is so much I want to say about this book, but first and foremost, I feel like I have to mention how relatable it felt to my own life experiences. There wasn't a single chapter that went by that I didn't stop and think about a guy or girl friend I've encountered that remind me of this character, or a thought process the author had in which I realized I've felt the same in one point in my life, and it made me feel so whole, to realize I wasn't so alone when I felt this way and that, or when my friends would feel this way and that. Honestly, after reading this, it felt as if my heart tore open, and started mourning every single guy I had a possible what-if moment or moments with throughout my 22 years of living, butall at once. It was brutal, but also cleansing in a way. And it made me want to go out and experience new moments with new guys and old guys and hang out with my friends and share battle stories and scars. In some strange way, it made me want to live, even though I don't think that was necessarily her intention with the book, but it's a nice bonus to feel so optimistic and hopeful about experiencing new things after reading a piece of literature that hits you so strongly and makes you reflect on your life. And this was that for me.

What really captivated me about this book though are the times I couldn't think of an experience that I've lived through that felt similar and when I couldn't identify myself with the narrator. Because regardless, Katie Heaney has such a way with words that I felt each of her joys, each of her heartbreaks, each of her "I'm freaking out! Is it okay if I'm freaking out? I'm so freaking out!!!!" moment. I felt it all, as if I did live through them and as if they were in fact relatable. I felt it all as if I was one of her friends, part of her crew , and I loved that.

She came across as so honest and genuine in her story-telling. And what I loved most is that despite the fact that this book was basically centered on boys, it was also one on friendship and feminism. She always placed such importance to her girl friends, and tended to treat other girls she's encountered over the years with respect, and most important of all, she acknowledged when her behaviour was -unfeminist, which was a breath of fresh air. Simply put, she was so humble and I loved her for that, too.

Most of all, she didn't exclude others who may have had a different sexual orientation than her from her target audience; she mentioned many times that what she was saying, she thought, wasn't exclusive to straight girls and she didn't generalize statements, such as, "all girls seek boyfriends". (Side note: After reading her book, I looked up her other books and found out she came out, which I find so pleasantly surprising, because it didn't remove anything from this book, and yet I only found myself respecting her more because her voice came across as so tolerant, and yet, not in a righteous way, throughout the whole book).

I feel like any individual who's ever had anxieties over potential significant others could get something out of this book, or relate to it in some way, regardless of gender or sexual orientation or race or whatever else there is, and I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is the slightest bit interested--if not for this review, than for the fact that it's like 2$ on BookOutlet.

And if this review isn't enough to convince you, here are but a few of my favourite passages (which, btw, I never put in my reviews, which just goes to show how much I enjoyed this book):

"How do two people ever understand that they like each other enough that it's okay for one of them to hold the other one's hand? I don't get how anyone gets to the point where he or she feels comfortable taking that risk."

"I was going to get up again, I knew that. It was just going to take longer this time."

"We would have gone on a few vacations together -- romantic ones, like Paris, or a cabin up north, or Harry Potter World or something."

"People usually pretend to be embarrassed when they play (and win) Never Have I Ever, but this is a game fundamentally about bragging."

Also, I can't believe I reached the end of this review and completely forgot to mention this but the author is hilarious, like I laughed out loud or genuinely smiled so big and giddy a few times throughout this book. It was a great feeling, like meeting a new person you just know will end up being your best friend. It felt like that, but in book form.

[Rachel Holtzclaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is the exact book i needed to read at this point in my life. it was relatable, funny, and left me with an incredible warm feeling in my chest. thank you, katie heaney. thank u thank u THANK U!!

[Kris · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book should never have been written. At the very least, it should have been a blog post. The whole time reading I kept thinking: why are you writing a memoir?

I'm ashamed to say that I finished this book. It was like a bad train wreck I couldn't look away from, and I wanted to see if the end was just as bad as the beginning, and the middle. Katie writes like a whiny, nervous little girl who is immaturely obsessed with getting a date and making out with the latest drunk stranger. I know the book is about dating, but it seriously made me wonder if she has thought of any other topic in her life.

A book like this had so much potential -- she could have made a bold statement about the fact that culture is pressuring women to be too obsessed with dating and romance too early in life, and that she has sought to lead a perfectly normal, legitimate, happy existence not being guided by these things, and is content to be single, and cares not one shred about dating. *ahem*Like me.*ahem*

But no, instead she wallows about the fact that she acts awkwardly around guys, and can't seem to figure anything out, and that all her friends are way more experienced than her, when it comes to dating. But that's the thing -- Heany has gone on dates, multiple ones, with multiple people. She's made out with half a dozen guys, just for the heck of doing it (or being able to say she's done it?). Even though she seems to deny this. Even though there were no good reasons for doing so. Even though these encounters carry little meaning for her.

I have some news for you, Katie: you are not unique. There are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of girls out there who have always been single, are okay with this fact, and it is absolutely normal. And they didn't write a memoir. Get over it. Oh, and by the way, your book title is a lie.

Heany might be good at Buzzfeed quizzes and blog posts, I don't know, but she needs to stay away from the book department from now on. I feel betrayed at the unfulfilled potential, the untrue title, and horrible writing.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

HILARIOUS. I loved this book for a myriad of reasons. a) Everything was a written representation of my inner monologue. b) The bit about JTT was word-for-word something I bring up in conversation every few months. I could sue Heaney for plagiarism. But I won't because it turns out every single teenager in the early 90s was thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. c) I had warm feelings of nostalgia - from having crushes on coffee-shop-boys to giving code names to cute campus boys , to liking and dating boys who turned out to already have secret girlfriends (SHAME ON YOU, BRAD) to being so scared to kiss any boys, that I self sabotaged a million times. I may be old and married now, but I spent a good 20 minutes on the subway, thinking about Sandwich Boy and Larry-The-Lobster (my unrequited university loves) this morning.

I think this book is as much an ode to falling in love as it is an ode to growing up a girl in the 90s surrounded by floppy-haired Devon Sawa Tiger Beat covers. I took off one star because I feel like if you aren't a girl, or if you're a much younger girl, many references might fly over your head. This isn't to say you shouldn't read it, you most definitely should, but you probably won't get as much `ME TOO OMG` as I did. From one tall girl to another, I love you Katie Heaney.

[Mera Alfaro · Rating 4 out of 5]

"It's just that Bermuda doesn't know how to handle itself when somebody sails into it's territory, because that hardly ever happens."

I'm not a judge of book covers, but just by the looks of the cover, I was immediately drawn. Then I read the title, and I connected to it so fast. Then, I just had to read one page and I knew I was taking this home with me.

While reading this book, no matter your dating history, whether you're a "lighthouse" or a "Bermuda triangle" you will have this soft spot for Katie. She's adorable, witty, lame, and at times you just want to reach in and hug her. She's literally so real that you can't help connect with her. I know that a lot of chapters for me were like reading my own love life, I'm compatible with her a little too much than I'd like to be, although I am younger and still have time lol.

Great memoir, definitely worth reading, especially for women in their 20's.