Table in the Darkness: A Healing Journey Through an Eating Disorder

by Lee Wolfe Blum

"Look who gained the freshman fifteen," a family member teased when I returned home after a few months of college. . . . When I heard the words my mind decoded it like this: You. Are. Fat. Fat was not good. No, fat was bad. I would not be fat. I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my dorm room and inspected the extra parts. These extra parts needed fixing my stomach, my thighs, and those cheeks that were round and puffy, like two big apples on the side of my face. I would fix this. Fixing was my forte. These were the thoughts that plagued Lee Blum during her teens and into her twenties.They drove her to an eating disorder and exercise addiction. Eventually, she found herself hospitalized with clinical depression. But that's not the end of the story: drawing strength from psychological, physiological and spiritual sources, she found her voice again. If you or someone you love has been at this dark table, you will find her story enlightening and encouraging.

Genres: Nonfiction, Food, Memoir, Mental Health, Health

205 pages, Paperback

First published November 22, 2013

About the author

Lee Wolfe Blum works as a Health Educator at the Melrose Center for Eating Disorders in St. Louis Park, Minnesota where she helps run the Eating Disorder and Chemical Dependency Program encouraging and inspiring patients with Co-Occuring Disorders find hope and healing. Lee also speaks regularly sharing her story of hope at churches, schools, and conferences. Lee lives in Edina, Minnesota.

Reviews

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were things about this that I appreciated, but I'd pretty much lost interest in the writing by the halfway point. Blum is really good about not romanticising illness (which you'd think wouldn't be so unusual, and yet...), and although that makes for a pretty bleak read sometimes—this is not a story of things starting out well, getting difficult, and getting better again; it jumps right to the hard pieces with little levity to balance it out—I can appreciate the effort to, I don't know, dump the reader into the swirls of depression she experienced without placing the triggers that a lot of ED memoirs end up with.

It took me a while to sort out what was bothering me about the writing, but it was this (spoiler tag for length of examples, not for actual spoilers):

white hospital bed (101)
Dad's big blue eyes (102)
little white stars (102)
her big, blue eyes (102-103)
cold, peach room (103)
flowered, pink bedroom (103)
white brass daybed (103)

blue three-ring binder (127)
brown duffle [sic] bag (127)
white Toyota (127)

enormous, brown stucco house (131)
clean, bright-white car (131)
pink, floral, Laura Ashley bedspread (132)
white desk (132)
silver metal stand (132)
The walls in my room were cream colored (132)
white Keds (133)
white plastic bins (133)

his black hair (139)
his brown eyes (139)
his big coffee eyes (139)
green matching outfit (139)
blue scissors (139)
pink T-shirt (139)

Something of a sea of adjectives. I pulled out colour adjectives here because I think they illustrate the point, but once I figured out that it was the (often multiple) adjectives bothering me, I couldn't stop seeing them. Certainly better than having no description...just not enough depth to the descriptions for me, I think.

Not a bad book, just not one that stood out to me. One interesting thing, though: I read this and This Mean Disease within a few days of each other, and both mentioned the Menninger Clinic, which I'd never heard of. Love it when books overlap in little ways.

[Harper Aumock · Rating 5 out of 5]

First time reading a book by someone I know 🩷 Mrs Blum’s writing is raw and I learned so much. I’m so thankful God rescues us from brokenness! Beautiful, easy read!

[Lisa Mancini · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because I work with kids who have eating disorders and was hoping it was something they could read as they journey through recovery. I was drawn into this story right away and read it within a few days. This is a true story about a girl (Lee) who found comfort and solace in her eating disorder while her world was anything but comforting. Lee was telling her story yet also the story of so many other girls who live with "Ed". The writing was honest and raw with reader always rooting for Lee to be able to move past her thoughts, but as I know all to well those thoughts tend to be too strong. I decided it was not appropriate to suggest to my patients as I felt it would be far to triggering for them at this point in treatment. I was able to share some passages that I thought would be helpful, but that was as far as I let it go. I would recommend this book for anyone that knows someone that is suffering with an ED, someone well into/post recovery or has an interest in learning more about this disease.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir about falling to the depths of despair and surviving!

[Cara Meredith · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can't argue with someone's story. Bravo, Lee Wolfe Blum!

[Bonnie Limbird]

Recommended by Wendy Padgett.

[Samanatha Rusher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this when the author signed the book for me and never had a chance to chat with her about it afterward.

To the author: Thanks Lee for being an amazing lady, your words and memories are undeniably inspiring!

[Auzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The depiction of how people who suffer from eating disorders thought process, and how it affects them is clearly shown through this book.

Words may not have a physical entity but they can cut deep.

[Windi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If the author happens to read this….. THANK YOU for writing this. Thank you for your raw vulnerability and sharing your story. Thank you for your honesty and not glorifying or romanticizing your situation. Thank you for offering hope through your story.

[Lori Neff · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in one day. Good writing, honest storytelling. Not overly tidy with christianese, which i appreciated.

[Lee L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very encouraging book in how she regained her life.

[Sarah Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fantastic read about the realities of life with am eating disorder and dysfunctional relationships. And how God fits into it all. So good. So healing.

[Sara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Appreciate her story, but the writing was mostly unbearable for me. Not my cup of tea, I guess.

[Liz Mahony · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Table in the Darkness" is a highly personal story about Lee Wolfe's struggle with an eating disorder and depression. Her memoir begins with her childhood in Kansas full of instability and change. The events of her childhood contribute to a young woman consumed with control and an inner monologue full of shame and negative self worth. This lethal combination leads Lee on a journey of despair and eventually, rebirth.

Lee Wolfe Blum is an extraordinary story teller providing the reader with an insight into anorexia unlike any I have ever encountered. This book is not about eating or not eating; it is about the complexities and pain of a disorder. The emotional journey Lee shares with the reader is compelling, gripping and in the end, hopeful because things can change, people can make a different choice. I recommend this engrossing memoir.

[Lynsie · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone who wants to better understand eating disorders and see what recovery can look like. This is written from a Christian perspective so will be better for you if you are a Christian, but I think it will be helpful for anyone, regardless of religion. A very personal story by a brave woman, with a helpful afterword on what life after recovery has been like for her and the steps that helped her in her journey.

[Judy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I've read too many memoirs recently. I just got tired of reading this one. I liked this, though: "...I just can't do this anymore. I can't be in this relationship if you can't accept me as me...This is who I am. The full package. Either you love it or leave it...this is the person you fell in love with."

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found Lee Blum's memoir hard to put down and read it in just a few days. It is the powerful and raw story of her childhood and young adulthood, of trying to be perfect enough for everyone to accept her, including herself. Her growing faith comes through strongly, and her eventual acceptance of herself is inspiring. I could feel her struggle through the writing. Well done!

[Katrin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Very easy to understand and identify with. This woman gave me her raw experience of an eating disorder. She shared her experience of her faith or sometimes lack of faith. Awesome!

[Letitia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful! I read this page-turner in a couple of days. Lee's story is compelling, raw, insightful. I quickly bought more copies to pass out to friends who work with young women.

[Suzanne]

very interesting book!