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Scrag - Up the Hill Backwards
This is my story of how a paedophile entered my life, home and family when I was six years old.
I highlight how he attempted to break my mind, soul and spirit for his total control over me, and how I fought for my sanity, survival and freedom against his evil and constant onslaught of abuse.
I was Marie; now I'm Jes.
“Even when I die, I'll come back to haunt you.”
It's time for Jes to bury Marie's ghosts forever.
Six-year-old Marie finds her world has changed and become one of confusion, deceit and abuse.
No longer called by her birth name, she is unaffectionately referred to as Scrag - a shortened version of Scraggy-knickered-nut-rag.
Her will to survive manifests quite bizarre tactics, as she deviates off course into a childhood of insanity, paranoia, glue-sniffing, self-harming and messages from David Bowie ringing through her ears.
Her mind contrives strategies to cope with the continued onslaught that it seems destined to endure.
Adulthood is her escape route if she can survive the wait, but can demons be truly locked away in the past forever?
This is the story of one child's mind at the mercy of a real life monster.
I highlight how he attempted to break my mind, soul and spirit for his total control over me, and how I fought for my sanity, survival and freedom against his evil and constant onslaught of abuse.
I was Marie; now I'm Jes.
“Even when I die, I'll come back to haunt you.”
It's time for Jes to bury Marie's ghosts forever.
Six-year-old Marie finds her world has changed and become one of confusion, deceit and abuse.
No longer called by her birth name, she is unaffectionately referred to as Scrag - a shortened version of Scraggy-knickered-nut-rag.
Her will to survive manifests quite bizarre tactics, as she deviates off course into a childhood of insanity, paranoia, glue-sniffing, self-harming and messages from David Bowie ringing through her ears.
Her mind contrives strategies to cope with the continued onslaught that it seems destined to endure.
Adulthood is her escape route if she can survive the wait, but can demons be truly locked away in the past forever?
This is the story of one child's mind at the mercy of a real life monster.
270 pages, Paperback
First published May 3, 2013
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924 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
October 11, 2013
One of the most inspirational books I have ever read.
After reading the comments for this book, I had to purchase it.
I was not disappointed.
Jes writes of her harrowing childhood abuse, in a way that does not seek pity from the reader. Too often, it's easy to focus on the abuser in these situations.
She eloquently describes Richard's wrong-doings, in a way that allows the reader to hate him of their own free will.
But this book is about Jes and her will to carry on, despite what life has thrown at her. (And it hasn't been very kind to her at all).
The concept of dilution I found very upsetting indeed; though I could completely understand her desire to do this.
The layout of the book is great and the pace also. You never quite know what her next obstacle will be. Yet somehow, you know that she'll be able to get through it. Her narrative voice is strong and reassuring.
The suspense will leave the reader on the edge of their seat, hoping things will turn out for the best.
I could not put this book down,and it will live with me for many many years.
I would strongly recommend this to anybody, regardless of their own history.
I give it a well deserved 5 stars, and would have given it many more had the option been available.
After reading the comments for this book, I had to purchase it.
I was not disappointed.
Jes writes of her harrowing childhood abuse, in a way that does not seek pity from the reader. Too often, it's easy to focus on the abuser in these situations.
She eloquently describes Richard's wrong-doings, in a way that allows the reader to hate him of their own free will.
But this book is about Jes and her will to carry on, despite what life has thrown at her. (And it hasn't been very kind to her at all).
The concept of dilution I found very upsetting indeed; though I could completely understand her desire to do this.
The layout of the book is great and the pace also. You never quite know what her next obstacle will be. Yet somehow, you know that she'll be able to get through it. Her narrative voice is strong and reassuring.
The suspense will leave the reader on the edge of their seat, hoping things will turn out for the best.
I could not put this book down,and it will live with me for many many years.
I would strongly recommend this to anybody, regardless of their own history.
I give it a well deserved 5 stars, and would have given it many more had the option been available.
January 7, 2015
Our worst fears is for our children to be preyed upon so what happens when it starts in the family home? Throughout her childhood Marie was branded a liar and yet showed a strength and bravery that not even very many “grown-ups” possess.
I found this a very hard book to put down, a combination of wanting to know if Marie finds the peace of mind she deserves as you are allowed further into her world, the inner workings of her heart breaking coping mechanisms and the excellent way it is written. Scrag - Up the Hill Backwards moved me to tears many times, making me hold my little girl that little bit longer and that little bit tighter.
I would definitely recommend this true story of a young girl’s painful childhood and how she refuses to play the victim. Although a person can never truly recover from such horrendous memories, her outlook and determination in not only her adult life but also her teenage years are an inspiration. A must read for all parents, for we must protect our children and pay attention to the signs of abuse.
I recently downloaded another book by Jesamine James, Janine, Eggs and Lemons and am looking forward to reading more of her work.
I found this a very hard book to put down, a combination of wanting to know if Marie finds the peace of mind she deserves as you are allowed further into her world, the inner workings of her heart breaking coping mechanisms and the excellent way it is written. Scrag - Up the Hill Backwards moved me to tears many times, making me hold my little girl that little bit longer and that little bit tighter.
I would definitely recommend this true story of a young girl’s painful childhood and how she refuses to play the victim. Although a person can never truly recover from such horrendous memories, her outlook and determination in not only her adult life but also her teenage years are an inspiration. A must read for all parents, for we must protect our children and pay attention to the signs of abuse.
I recently downloaded another book by Jesamine James, Janine, Eggs and Lemons and am looking forward to reading more of her work.
December 4, 2014
Scrag – Up The Hill Backwards by: Jesamine James is based on a true story, her story. Jesamine James had the courage and the motivation to pen her story in the hopes that it would help others. She was driven to write this by the need to share her story in order to enlighten people about the telltale signs of abuse.
This story contains the essence of her and her families own abuse for more than eleven years. Her step father who was a paedophile, an abuser, and a control freak walked into her life at the age of six. He was a clever and cunning monster who manipulated and misused all the people around him.
Jesamine’s story does not sugar coat the pain, paranoia, fear and loneliness that accompanies this kind of abuse. Jesamine’s survival hung precariously everyday of her life. Strength of character, a strong will and even dumb luck were ultimately responsible for her survival.
She will never be whole, for once a person is broken, they can never be whole again. Horrific memories will always haunt her. Her survival is her story. Jesamine is still alive and fighting for she has spirit.
This book may well save a child from similar atrocities. Read the book and open your heart and mind to see what happens. Look hard around you, for abuse is usually carefully disguised. Be ever watchful for this scourge affects many helpless children.
This story contains the essence of her and her families own abuse for more than eleven years. Her step father who was a paedophile, an abuser, and a control freak walked into her life at the age of six. He was a clever and cunning monster who manipulated and misused all the people around him.
Jesamine’s story does not sugar coat the pain, paranoia, fear and loneliness that accompanies this kind of abuse. Jesamine’s survival hung precariously everyday of her life. Strength of character, a strong will and even dumb luck were ultimately responsible for her survival.
She will never be whole, for once a person is broken, they can never be whole again. Horrific memories will always haunt her. Her survival is her story. Jesamine is still alive and fighting for she has spirit.
This book may well save a child from similar atrocities. Read the book and open your heart and mind to see what happens. Look hard around you, for abuse is usually carefully disguised. Be ever watchful for this scourge affects many helpless children.
October 13, 2013
An incredible story of determination and triumph in the face of horrific adversity. An enjoyable read of a very difficult and often avoided subject.
October 20, 2013
An insight into child abuse with nil sensationalism - a must read.
A hard hitting, true life story about a child who survives abuse with the most incredible mental strength.
This honest account is heart rendering as it is a testament to the will of a child's mind.
A hard hitting, true life story about a child who survives abuse with the most incredible mental strength.
This honest account is heart rendering as it is a testament to the will of a child's mind.
October 3, 2013
This is such a great read, I got through it in the space of 24 hours - not many books grip me like that.
September 17, 2015
This book is one of the most harrowing that I've read. Having said that it is one of the best I've ever read too. It is a tale of horror and courage and I have to say I am very impressed that a person could overcome something as dire as this person did and still manage to cling to sanity by her finger tips. As the book states on several occasions - how can a child be taken to such extremes without the outside world seeing, believing and acting to make sure this vile crime stops. Pick it up and read it - I guarantee you won't regret the read but it may well change your perspective on parts of life and humanity
March 16, 2015
Once I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down and had finished it in just over 24 hours. Jes tells her story of how she was abused as a child in the hopes that it will help others. I find it really sad reading books like this, but I think these stories need to be told. What really shines through this book is how much determination Jes has to overcome and not be beaten. The book gives such a good insight into child abuse that I think it should be a must-read for anyone working with children.
February 1, 2014
yeah!
I won this book on goodreads!
when I started reading it, I could't stop untill I finished it.
I will not tell you a lot about this book, just discover it on your own.
Unbelievable,that is the only word I will tell you, because that's the most fitting discription of this book.
wonderfully written, and unquestioning a must-read!
I won this book on goodreads!
when I started reading it, I could't stop untill I finished it.
I will not tell you a lot about this book, just discover it on your own.
Unbelievable,that is the only word I will tell you, because that's the most fitting discription of this book.
wonderfully written, and unquestioning a must-read!
November 28, 2013
a difficult read at times, but a brave, unsensationalised account of abuse.
February 23, 2015
Scrag is an absolute must read book for anyone working or caring for children and young people. My heart bleeds for Jes and all those forced into her situation.
Despite the dark subject matter, this book is an easy and highly compelling read. There is no self-pity or attempts to pile on the darkness. This is in no way a doom and gloom book. Jess writes from the heart but doesn’t dwell on the gory details. Instead, you are given clever insights into the effects of abuse on the whole family. Richards control on everyone’s life is absolute. There is no escape or any other options, at least not for the children involved. I found the ongoing themes and poignant details had far more impact than more explicit imagery. I could almost hear the endless ticking of the clocks.
It’s clear that Jess has survived hell but above all else she’s a talented author with an airy, flowing writing style which draws you smoothly into a deeper understanding. Due to Ms James obvious talent’s she has been able to capture a vivid picture of her harrowing start to life. She write, ‘an emotional overload resulting in an emotional close down’. I think the young Jess would be proud.
I for one am off to read this authors other books but I would highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a page turning read.
Despite the dark subject matter, this book is an easy and highly compelling read. There is no self-pity or attempts to pile on the darkness. This is in no way a doom and gloom book. Jess writes from the heart but doesn’t dwell on the gory details. Instead, you are given clever insights into the effects of abuse on the whole family. Richards control on everyone’s life is absolute. There is no escape or any other options, at least not for the children involved. I found the ongoing themes and poignant details had far more impact than more explicit imagery. I could almost hear the endless ticking of the clocks.
It’s clear that Jess has survived hell but above all else she’s a talented author with an airy, flowing writing style which draws you smoothly into a deeper understanding. Due to Ms James obvious talent’s she has been able to capture a vivid picture of her harrowing start to life. She write, ‘an emotional overload resulting in an emotional close down’. I think the young Jess would be proud.
I for one am off to read this authors other books but I would highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a page turning read.
February 28, 2014
Review of “Scrag – Up The Hill Backwards” by Jesamine James
I started this book yesterday lunchtime and have just finished it.
It is, in some ways, an all too familiar tale of horrendous abuse and neglect. The damage children can tolerate is simply astounding. How I would have loved to know this little girl and give her sunshine instead of pain in her life. Throughout this angry account, we hear the voice of desperation speaking: listen to me, why can’t someone help me? Eventually someone does, and the world becomes several shades lighter.
Jes is an intelligent, articulate and very angry woman who makes sense of her insane world the best way she can. We gain invaluable insights into not only her coping strategies and her survival but her intense suffering, which will help us all to empathise with anyone caught up in this kind of nightmare.
Congratulations, Jes, for holding on to your faith, for using your anger to propel you away from harm and towards a better life. You have achieved, and shall continue to make, miracles.
Highly recommended.
Fran Macilvey, author, "Trapped: My Life With Cerebral Palsy"
I started this book yesterday lunchtime and have just finished it.
It is, in some ways, an all too familiar tale of horrendous abuse and neglect. The damage children can tolerate is simply astounding. How I would have loved to know this little girl and give her sunshine instead of pain in her life. Throughout this angry account, we hear the voice of desperation speaking: listen to me, why can’t someone help me? Eventually someone does, and the world becomes several shades lighter.
Jes is an intelligent, articulate and very angry woman who makes sense of her insane world the best way she can. We gain invaluable insights into not only her coping strategies and her survival but her intense suffering, which will help us all to empathise with anyone caught up in this kind of nightmare.
Congratulations, Jes, for holding on to your faith, for using your anger to propel you away from harm and towards a better life. You have achieved, and shall continue to make, miracles.
Highly recommended.
Fran Macilvey, author, "Trapped: My Life With Cerebral Palsy"
March 2, 2019
Such a good book!
This is one of the best child abuse memoirs I have ever read, hands down. I was not sexually abused as a child, but physically and mentally. That fear of the abuser is very real and described perfectly by Jes. I remember, after my dad died when I was 14, my mom and I swore we could still hear him wandering the house at night.
I was impressed at the way that Jes told her story without graphic descriptions of the abuse. I have always been irritated by people demanding stories of my abuse, as if they couldn't just take my word for it without examples. It's ugly and upsetting. Nobody really wants to talk about it who has been there, if they do, they must like playing the victim.
Even if you don't usually enjoy reading child abuse memoirs, you will enjoy this book. I'm so glad Jes made it thru the rough years to write it.
This is one of the best child abuse memoirs I have ever read, hands down. I was not sexually abused as a child, but physically and mentally. That fear of the abuser is very real and described perfectly by Jes. I remember, after my dad died when I was 14, my mom and I swore we could still hear him wandering the house at night.
I was impressed at the way that Jes told her story without graphic descriptions of the abuse. I have always been irritated by people demanding stories of my abuse, as if they couldn't just take my word for it without examples. It's ugly and upsetting. Nobody really wants to talk about it who has been there, if they do, they must like playing the victim.
Even if you don't usually enjoy reading child abuse memoirs, you will enjoy this book. I'm so glad Jes made it thru the rough years to write it.
August 27, 2018
Just goes around in circles until you give up
The author refuses to just get on with it and tell the reader what happens. Oh no, she claims amnesia and rambles on about everything except the actual abuse. What's the point of describing your daily dread of being late home, when you don't elaborate on what happens when you get there. Just chapter after disjointed chapter of vague descriptions interlaced with liberal use of profanities and reiterating her hatred for her mother's husband. If you like a story that gets to the point then avoid this one like the plague.
The author refuses to just get on with it and tell the reader what happens. Oh no, she claims amnesia and rambles on about everything except the actual abuse. What's the point of describing your daily dread of being late home, when you don't elaborate on what happens when you get there. Just chapter after disjointed chapter of vague descriptions interlaced with liberal use of profanities and reiterating her hatred for her mother's husband. If you like a story that gets to the point then avoid this one like the plague.
June 29, 2020
Heartbreaking
A brilliantly written account of an abusive childhood. Instead of focusing on the actual abuse it tells the story of how Jes deals with her nightmare. I couldn't put it down.
A brilliantly written account of an abusive childhood. Instead of focusing on the actual abuse it tells the story of how Jes deals with her nightmare. I couldn't put it down.
February 17, 2021
Horrendous true story, gripping and difficult to put down.
Well written and explained, one person who was meant to love the family was so controlling for a long period cause so much damage psychological as well as physically.
Well written and explained, one person who was meant to love the family was so controlling for a long period cause so much damage psychological as well as physically.
December 29, 2017
Hard to fo!low
I had to keep going back in the book to find out what she was taking about. He's had sex with everything with pants on not away to get over abuse.
I had to keep going back in the book to find out what she was taking about. He's had sex with everything with pants on not away to get over abuse.
September 19, 2020
Heartbreakingly awful account of abuse, power, and manipulation. The rating isn't for the difficult content but rather the writing. Felt more like a rambling traumatic diary than a memoir.
July 23, 2021
Heartbreaking,I hope Jes has managed to find some peace!
April 10, 2020
Harsh reality, it's so awful that abuse like this still carries on so undetected. How can a mother allow it to happen. Well written.
May 25, 2015
For being such a heavy and depressing subject, the book was easy to read and I finished it in one sitting. It’s a horrible story, made worse in that it’s an autobiography, of the abuse the author suffered as a child at the hands of her mother’s husband.
The book answers a question that shouldn’t need to be asked – why not say something at the time?
It also addresses the misconceptions around the grooming of children.
It’s well written, and draws the reader in by not wavering in the telling. Jesamine tells it as she sees it, regardless of how it may sound and never makes excuses. It’s clear and makes complicated thought processes easy to understand. The coping mechanisms Jesamine developed were particularly interesting.
This is probably what Jesamine James needed to get things straight for herself, and as a book written by her for herself, it works. For me reading it, I felt some things were missing. There are mentions here and there of the impact her childhood has on her adult life, but not how it affected her family. I found myself wondering if those around her knew what was happening, how they felt when they found out and how their relationships were affected by it.
The book answers a question that shouldn’t need to be asked – why not say something at the time?
It also addresses the misconceptions around the grooming of children.
It’s well written, and draws the reader in by not wavering in the telling. Jesamine tells it as she sees it, regardless of how it may sound and never makes excuses. It’s clear and makes complicated thought processes easy to understand. The coping mechanisms Jesamine developed were particularly interesting.
This is probably what Jesamine James needed to get things straight for herself, and as a book written by her for herself, it works. For me reading it, I felt some things were missing. There are mentions here and there of the impact her childhood has on her adult life, but not how it affected her family. I found myself wondering if those around her knew what was happening, how they felt when they found out and how their relationships were affected by it.
June 14, 2015
I had this book sitting in my to read pile for some time and just kept putting it off. I really do not know why and when I finally picked this book up I was hooked from the first chapter.
A very emotional and inspiring book. I found this book very well written and that I was willing Marie/Jes keep strong right to the end.
I would recommend this book.
A very emotional and inspiring book. I found this book very well written and that I was willing Marie/Jes keep strong right to the end.
I would recommend this book.
January 14, 2015
This book was given to me as a Goodreads First Reads Giveaway. Not a bad book, I like that it was written to bring to the front of people's minds that there are still children out there suffering through abuse, and unable to get out of the situation.
October 29, 2015
Brilliant
February 17, 2020
Poor girl
I feel so bad for her. Her Mom was weak, and let Richard run all over her. Then, he abused the kids. Glad she got the courage, to seek justice for herself.
I feel so bad for her. Her Mom was weak, and let Richard run all over her. Then, he abused the kids. Glad she got the courage, to seek justice for herself.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews