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The Heart Rate of a Mouse #1
Over the Tracks
The first volume of The Heart Rate of a Mouse trilogy.
In the summer of 1974, musician Ryan Ross embarks on an exhausting tour in support of his band's breakthrough album. He finds himself struggling to live up to the pressure and expectations of sudden fame in the chaos of endless shows and interviews. As her juggles his dissolving band, lying best friend, and short-lived love affairs, he heads down a dangerous and self-destructive path, letting himself want one person he can't let himself have.
In the summer of 1974, musician Ryan Ross embarks on an exhausting tour in support of his band's breakthrough album. He finds himself struggling to live up to the pressure and expectations of sudden fame in the chaos of endless shows and interviews. As her juggles his dissolving band, lying best friend, and short-lived love affairs, he heads down a dangerous and self-destructive path, letting himself want one person he can't let himself have.
334 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
78 people are currently reading
1806 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 233 reviews
January 20, 2023
✦ reread as a paperback. reading this again made me suffer as much as the first time around, possibly even more. i loved every moment of it.
______________
original review:
✦ this was truly incredible. so many feelings. so much angst. so much longing. so much hate and denial. i am actually in pain. the last couple of chapters really got to me.
✦ i'm not gonna write a proper review for this since i can't be bothered to write reviews these days, but honestly, i highly recommend this to anyone who likes great characterisation, amazing writing and suffering.
"my own secret. now i realise that 'secret' is just a word given for uncomfortable truths we don't want to share in fear of what they say about us."
✦ i am moving on to book 2 immediately. huge thank you to Alec, Claudie and Rhosyo for bringing this series to my attention and convincing me to read it with their lovely reviews.🖤 this is going straight to my favourites shelf. excuse me while i go order the paperbacks for the entire series.
______________
original review:
✦ this was truly incredible. so many feelings. so much angst. so much longing. so much hate and denial. i am actually in pain. the last couple of chapters really got to me.
✦ i'm not gonna write a proper review for this since i can't be bothered to write reviews these days, but honestly, i highly recommend this to anyone who likes great characterisation, amazing writing and suffering.
"my own secret. now i realise that 'secret' is just a word given for uncomfortable truths we don't want to share in fear of what they say about us."
✦ i am moving on to book 2 immediately. huge thank you to Alec, Claudie and Rhosyo for bringing this series to my attention and convincing me to read it with their lovely reviews.🖤 this is going straight to my favourites shelf. excuse me while i go order the paperbacks for the entire series.
January 27, 2024
This was intense. And stressful. But so well written. Everything about this story and the characters felt real. Too real at times?
There are a few things I need to get off my chest, though, or I'll explode.
Have I mentioned that I don't like reading about celebrities and rock and roll lifestyle, nor MM romance that is not contemporary (for obvious reasons)? There’s that, too. So yeah, 5 stars.
There are a few things I need to get off my chest, though, or I'll explode.
Have I mentioned that I don't like reading about celebrities and rock and roll lifestyle, nor MM romance that is not contemporary (for obvious reasons)? There’s that, too. So yeah, 5 stars.
February 4, 2024
👀✨For those who are still asking me.✨👀
To read this series click 👉here.
Third Read January 2023
So, this happened, I read the same book 3 times in a time frame of a year.
Second Read February 2022
Ramblings updated after re-reading it.
Bumping this up to 5 and overlooking my initial niggles because this series is the most compelling, intense, hot, complicated and well-written love story I have read in a long while.
And I like nothing easy. 🤷♀️
First read: January 2022
Original thoughts:
I struggled with the beginning, and I hope that if anyone has an experience similar to mine, take what I will say into consideration and don't give up because it's so worth it! 💘💘
Over the tracks wasn't love at first sight like it was for my friends.
📌 I felt lost, thrown into the middle of a party where I knew no one.
📌 Too many names were introduced at the same time.
📌 Similar names (Brent and Brendon) got me going back to sentences.
📌 Too much road/show talk that I found unnecessary and ended up skimming in the first 20% or so. And on that note, I think a lot of this plot could have been tightened up in the first 20%.
But then, there was so much to love after that bump!!!!🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
The writing,
I had to rewire my brain to adapt to the writing rawness.
Ryan, the narrator, has no filter, his voice is too honest. It's an angry and hostile voice because he is resentful. He resents the fame, his fans, his band and his lack of privacy.
"I want this music. I want this band. But laced within that are a million things I could live without."
It awes me how much personality is in Ryan.
The plot.
There's nothing soft and romantic here. The promiscuity behind the scenes in the music world, rock 'n roll, drugs and sex, was addictive.
The tension
💥 The highlight, holding my full attention, was the tension, written compellingly.
THE WAIT.
That disastrous situation you know is bound to happen, but you can't take your eyes off, like a morbid fascination.
The characters:
Ryan Ross is a major asshole.
His arrogance is out of this world! Conceited, selfish, homophobic, delusional, lost, crude and in denial.
The hurtful things that came out of his mouth
made me gasp outraged quite a few times. I seriously wish I could punch him!
Well, that's good writing for me.
Ryan Ross was fleshed out as authentic as a real person is. I want to see him on his knees, but at the same time, I'm not sure how much this would lessen the story's authenticity. I am really looking forward to the next book!
💎👜👑👠I would have paid a good amount of money for Brendon's POV, just saying...
⛔⛔ Heads up for readers with hard limits: Look out for TW.
To read this series click 👉here.
Third Read January 2023
So, this happened, I read the same book 3 times in a time frame of a year.
Second Read February 2022
Ramblings updated after re-reading it.
Bumping this up to 5 and overlooking my initial niggles because this series is the most compelling, intense, hot, complicated and well-written love story I have read in a long while.
And I like nothing easy. 🤷♀️
First read: January 2022
Original thoughts:
I struggled with the beginning, and I hope that if anyone has an experience similar to mine, take what I will say into consideration and don't give up because it's so worth it! 💘💘
Over the tracks wasn't love at first sight like it was for my friends.
📌 I felt lost, thrown into the middle of a party where I knew no one.
📌 Too many names were introduced at the same time.
📌 Similar names (Brent and Brendon) got me going back to sentences.
📌 Too much road/show talk that I found unnecessary and ended up skimming in the first 20% or so. And on that note, I think a lot of this plot could have been tightened up in the first 20%.
But then, there was so much to love after that bump!!!!🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
The writing,
I had to rewire my brain to adapt to the writing rawness.
Ryan, the narrator, has no filter, his voice is too honest. It's an angry and hostile voice because he is resentful. He resents the fame, his fans, his band and his lack of privacy.
"I want this music. I want this band. But laced within that are a million things I could live without."
It awes me how much personality is in Ryan.
The plot.
There's nothing soft and romantic here. The promiscuity behind the scenes in the music world, rock 'n roll, drugs and sex, was addictive.
The tension
💥 The highlight, holding my full attention, was the tension, written compellingly.
THE WAIT.
That disastrous situation you know is bound to happen, but you can't take your eyes off, like a morbid fascination.
The characters:
Ryan Ross is a major asshole.
His arrogance is out of this world! Conceited, selfish, homophobic, delusional, lost, crude and in denial.
The hurtful things that came out of his mouth
made me gasp outraged quite a few times. I seriously wish I could punch him!
Well, that's good writing for me.
Ryan Ross was fleshed out as authentic as a real person is. I want to see him on his knees, but at the same time, I'm not sure how much this would lessen the story's authenticity. I am really looking forward to the next book!
💎👜👑👠I would have paid a good amount of money for Brendon's POV, just saying...
⛔⛔ Heads up for readers with hard limits: Look out for TW.
March 28, 2022
Reread - March 2022
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
**********************************************
5+++++++ stars
Warning! Quotes ahead! Book is quotable. I blame it.
I might sing stories, I might sing facts or sins or tragedies, but that doesn’t mean that they have a right to me.
ASDGFJKLLLHGK:JKKKK GAAAHH!! I see what you did there Anna.
Not really a review just Gushing and gushing and more gushing.
So maybe I am attracted to him. His full lips and beautiful eyes, his slender body, the round ass... But acknowledging that doesn’t mean that I’m not a straight man. I admire beauty.
Mmmhhhhh!!
Anna Green! may the book Gods bless you. It's been so much fun reading this book over and over. GaaaaaHH!!!! The hype is real. The way to my tiny peanut heart is easy, give me music , amazing writing and characters and you own me. This book is a triple threat, add in humor I am a goner.
Ryan our main narrator is a very interesting character. He is unapologetic, mean when he wants to be, heck just mean!! foot meet mouth kind of guy, homophobic, thinks he is gift to the music world, he kinda is but still...... and wears his heart on his sleeves. I LOVE HIM!!!! I have met another favorite character to add to my long list. GAAAHH!! He also has an amazing dry sense of humor.
The writing is incredible! The storytelling so engaging and feels so real. I was sucked in from the prologue, that is one of the best prologues eveeeerrr!! It sets the mood for the whole book. Edge of the seat kind of story. Just a little warning, this book is heavy on the Rock and Roll 70s scene so many TWs. I guess I loved it hard because it broke all the rules.
I loved Brendon from the moment he was introduced. We don't get his POV, we see him the way Ryan see him but get so much more of him from his conversations with Ryan and the band members. My heart broke for him. GAAAHH!! poor baby, he deserves the world.
The other band members?? Let's just say, purgatory exists and they can all go shove it there. Especially Joe and Brent. We don't acknowledge Spencer at the moment.
The relationship... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I can't even begin to CAN! The longing, the colliding, the not romance, romance thing, the looks, the moments, the every thing! GAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
The rain keeps beating against the windshield, the wipers sliding across the glass swiftly. The sound of it mixes with the B flat minor key of the music. Brendon could do that too. Play any note at all, and he’d know which one it was. He was more talented than he let on, saying he had no interest in trying to be a musician. We certainly provided him with a warning example.
I laughed, I cried, my heart broke, it was put back together then broken again over and over, I was angry, I was left speechless. Annnd!! I loved it every second of it.
Thank you Jan for holding my hand through this.
Edit to add: This is free on AO3... Anna Green
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
**********************************************
5+++++++ stars
Warning! Quotes ahead! Book is quotable. I blame it.
I might sing stories, I might sing facts or sins or tragedies, but that doesn’t mean that they have a right to me.
ASDGFJKLLLHGK:JKKKK GAAAHH!! I see what you did there Anna.
Not really a review just Gushing and gushing and more gushing.
So maybe I am attracted to him. His full lips and beautiful eyes, his slender body, the round ass... But acknowledging that doesn’t mean that I’m not a straight man. I admire beauty.
Mmmhhhhh!!
Anna Green! may the book Gods bless you. It's been so much fun reading this book over and over. GaaaaaHH!!!! The hype is real. The way to my tiny peanut heart is easy, give me music , amazing writing and characters and you own me. This book is a triple threat, add in humor I am a goner.
Ryan our main narrator is a very interesting character. He is unapologetic, mean when he wants to be, heck just mean!! foot meet mouth kind of guy, homophobic, thinks he is gift to the music world, he kinda is but still...... and wears his heart on his sleeves. I LOVE HIM!!!! I have met another favorite character to add to my long list. GAAAHH!! He also has an amazing dry sense of humor.
The writing is incredible! The storytelling so engaging and feels so real. I was sucked in from the prologue, that is one of the best prologues eveeeerrr!! It sets the mood for the whole book. Edge of the seat kind of story. Just a little warning, this book is heavy on the Rock and Roll 70s scene so many TWs. I guess I loved it hard because it broke all the rules.
I loved Brendon from the moment he was introduced. We don't get his POV, we see him the way Ryan see him but get so much more of him from his conversations with Ryan and the band members. My heart broke for him. GAAAHH!! poor baby, he deserves the world.
The other band members?? Let's just say, purgatory exists and they can all go shove it there. Especially Joe and Brent. We don't acknowledge Spencer at the moment.
The relationship... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I can't even begin to CAN! The longing, the colliding, the not romance, romance thing, the looks, the moments, the every thing! GAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
The rain keeps beating against the windshield, the wipers sliding across the glass swiftly. The sound of it mixes with the B flat minor key of the music. Brendon could do that too. Play any note at all, and he’d know which one it was. He was more talented than he let on, saying he had no interest in trying to be a musician. We certainly provided him with a warning example.
I laughed, I cried, my heart broke, it was put back together then broken again over and over, I was angry, I was left speechless. Annnd!! I loved it every second of it.
Thank you Jan for holding my hand through this.
Edit to add: This is free on AO3... Anna Green
February 21, 2022
Can be read online or downloaded HERE.
2nd read: Feb 2022
Um, so… Starting a reread while still recovering from the emotional sucker punch this series gave me? The best (and the most masochistic) idea I’ve had for some time.
That ending, god!
While I could never bring myself to hate Ryan, and I just want to hug him and tell everyone who’s ever hurt him to fuck right off (that includes you, Spencer, you fucker), I really wanted to punch his lights out during those last two conversations with Brendon. WHY TF did he say that shit, when it was clear it was tearing him apart? That contrary asshole!
Now, for book two… Am I ready for some more first-class angst and heartbreak?
Actually, I don’t think so, but I’m going in, anyway. 💔
***
1st read: Jan 2022
Disclaimer: I’ve never been a part of this fandom, so I’m reading this series as original fiction.
That said…
Holy fuck, this was AMAZING. 😳 I have come to accept that free online fiction can often be way better than many published books a long, looong time ago, but still.
This was a rec, and here I’d like to thank Alec, because I’m positive I’d never have found it myself. Thank you!! ❤️ At first I only meant to take a quick peek… but isn’t that the way it usually starts? 🙈 It sucked me in right from the beginning; the writing was really good, and I liked the concept of starting the story more or less ‘in the middle,’ and then going back in time. That shit works on me (almost) every time.
It’s told entirely from the POV of Ryan, the jaded frontman of The Followers, an up-an-coming rock band in the 70s. I wouldn’t say I liked him — he can be a bit of an asshole, and oh boy does he make some questionable life choices! — but I liked his voice, it was bleak and depressing and perfect. So freaking authentic. This whole thing is ridiculously introspective, btw. SO enjoyable for a character-development junkie always looking for her next fix. 😭 It’s also full of 70s existential angst, period-typical extreme homophobia, and denial. So much denial, I really can’t wait for it all to be unpacked and closely examined. 👀
All in all, not a cheerful thing to read, but I loved it, and I’m starting the next one tonight.
2nd read: Feb 2022
Um, so… Starting a reread while still recovering from the emotional sucker punch this series gave me? The best (and the most masochistic) idea I’ve had for some time.
That ending, god!
While I could never bring myself to hate Ryan, and I just want to hug him and tell everyone who’s ever hurt him to fuck right off (that includes you, Spencer, you fucker), I really wanted to punch his lights out during those last two conversations with Brendon. WHY TF did he say that shit, when it was clear it was tearing him apart? That contrary asshole!
Now, for book two… Am I ready for some more first-class angst and heartbreak?
Actually, I don’t think so, but I’m going in, anyway. 💔
***
1st read: Jan 2022
Disclaimer: I’ve never been a part of this fandom, so I’m reading this series as original fiction.
That said…
Holy fuck, this was AMAZING. 😳 I have come to accept that free online fiction can often be way better than many published books a long, looong time ago, but still.
This was a rec, and here I’d like to thank Alec, because I’m positive I’d never have found it myself. Thank you!! ❤️ At first I only meant to take a quick peek… but isn’t that the way it usually starts? 🙈 It sucked me in right from the beginning; the writing was really good, and I liked the concept of starting the story more or less ‘in the middle,’ and then going back in time. That shit works on me (almost) every time.
It’s told entirely from the POV of Ryan, the jaded frontman of The Followers, an up-an-coming rock band in the 70s. I wouldn’t say I liked him — he can be a bit of an asshole, and oh boy does he make some questionable life choices! — but I liked his voice, it was bleak and depressing and perfect. So freaking authentic. This whole thing is ridiculously introspective, btw. SO enjoyable for a character-development junkie always looking for her next fix. 😭 It’s also full of 70s existential angst, period-typical extreme homophobia, and denial. So much denial, I really can’t wait for it all to be unpacked and closely examined. 👀
All in all, not a cheerful thing to read, but I loved it, and I’m starting the next one tonight.
March 2, 2023
BOOK: Sex, drugs and rock’n’roll!!!
ME:
Yeah, not my thing, but notice I gave it 4 stars anyway. Also very much not my thing: real person fanfic. If I’d known anything about these people, I wouldn’t have been able to read this, but I’m totally ignorant about them and plan to stay that way.
Why choose something so not up my alley? Because my timeline gets regularly swamped with ecstatic reviews and commentary from friends who keep rereading the series. It goes in waves, like each new person discovering it triggers rereads in all the rest. It’s pretty impressive! So of course I had to satisfy my curiosity, and when I got a chance to read it with Moony (another first-timer) and Jan (a veteran), I could not pass it up.
The verdict?
It’s better written than probably 90% of m/m romance. With one caveat: Once the prologue is over and the main text begins, the first 10% or so is weirdly uneven. The author wasn’t using contractions, and that drove me nuts. But then boom, she got her act together, the writing got good and it stayed good.
There’s kind of not a plot…? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed if I hadn’t been discussing plotlessness with a friend just a couple days before. This is more of “a day in the life” kind of thing, except it’s “a tour in the life,” as band & crew & manager travel North America in their fancy bus on a 55-concert tour. Things happen, for sure, but that’s not plot.
But who needs plot when we’ve got characters like this? The 1st-person present-tense MC is Ryan, frontman and songwriter, rock star and legend in the making, and (according to him) the very most importanty important person in the band. The four bandmembers (all male) are in their early 20s, and they are all so freaking immature it is almost unbearable, while simultaneously being completely believable.
It’s tiring spending time with these assholes. And I’m sure every one of them would agree with that sentiment about the others. The wear and tear of living in enforced proximity on yet another tour is eroding not just friendships, but the very basics of tolerance and respect for one another. In this already fraught environment, Ryan finds himself inexplicably attracted for the first time to a man. A man who’s one of their roadies, and therefore on that claustrophobic bus with them and an inescapable part of his daily life. Hijinks ensue! Uh, wait, scratch that. This is not a hijinksy type of story. It’s more of a raw angst, open emotional wounds type of story. And did I mention that it’s set in 1974? No I did not. Well, it is, so expect stratospheric levels of homophobia along the way.
Ryan is a fascinating narrator, and a supremely unreliable one. We watch his thought processes as he twists whatever’s just happened into being someone else’s fault. Rewriting history on the fly, to cast the responsibility elsewhere, to make someone else — anyone else — the bad guy. I’ve read plenty of unreliable-narrator stories, but never one that played the process out quite this way, with a real-time window into a mind routinely jumping into denial mode.
Fortunately there are also bright flashes of humor amidst the drama. Ryan has a sensitive soul, and despite his knee-jerk reactions of repression and denial, he's sometimes painfully — and amusingly — self-aware.
Yeah, I’m stealing that. “Sorry I'm not available right now, I'm doing some crucial brooding” is my new all-purpose excuse.
At any rate, if you think you’d like angst and 1st-person narration and angst and rock stardom and angst and a trip to the 1970s and angst and good writing (and can overlook that weird first 10%) and angst and immature asshole characters who have a lot of growing up to do before they’re even minimally tolerable — plus, also, an extra serving of angst — then grab this. It’s free on AO3. But if, like me, you’re not sure you want all those things, maybe give it a look anyway. I’m moving right on to book 2, so whatever this book did, it worked for me. (Plus I’ll get more BR time with Jan and Moony, yay!)
ME:
Yeah, not my thing, but notice I gave it 4 stars anyway. Also very much not my thing: real person fanfic. If I’d known anything about these people, I wouldn’t have been able to read this, but I’m totally ignorant about them and plan to stay that way.
Why choose something so not up my alley? Because my timeline gets regularly swamped with ecstatic reviews and commentary from friends who keep rereading the series. It goes in waves, like each new person discovering it triggers rereads in all the rest. It’s pretty impressive! So of course I had to satisfy my curiosity, and when I got a chance to read it with Moony (another first-timer) and Jan (a veteran), I could not pass it up.
The verdict?
It’s better written than probably 90% of m/m romance. With one caveat: Once the prologue is over and the main text begins, the first 10% or so is weirdly uneven. The author wasn’t using contractions, and that drove me nuts. But then boom, she got her act together, the writing got good and it stayed good.
There’s kind of not a plot…? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed if I hadn’t been discussing plotlessness with a friend just a couple days before. This is more of “a day in the life” kind of thing, except it’s “a tour in the life,” as band & crew & manager travel North America in their fancy bus on a 55-concert tour. Things happen, for sure, but that’s not plot.
But who needs plot when we’ve got characters like this? The 1st-person present-tense MC is Ryan, frontman and songwriter, rock star and legend in the making, and (according to him) the very most importanty important person in the band. The four bandmembers (all male) are in their early 20s, and they are all so freaking immature it is almost unbearable, while simultaneously being completely believable.
It’s tiring spending time with these assholes. And I’m sure every one of them would agree with that sentiment about the others. The wear and tear of living in enforced proximity on yet another tour is eroding not just friendships, but the very basics of tolerance and respect for one another. In this already fraught environment, Ryan finds himself inexplicably attracted for the first time to a man. A man who’s one of their roadies, and therefore on that claustrophobic bus with them and an inescapable part of his daily life. Hijinks ensue! Uh, wait, scratch that. This is not a hijinksy type of story. It’s more of a raw angst, open emotional wounds type of story. And did I mention that it’s set in 1974? No I did not. Well, it is, so expect stratospheric levels of homophobia along the way.
Ryan is a fascinating narrator, and a supremely unreliable one. We watch his thought processes as he twists whatever’s just happened into being someone else’s fault. Rewriting history on the fly, to cast the responsibility elsewhere, to make someone else — anyone else — the bad guy. I’ve read plenty of unreliable-narrator stories, but never one that played the process out quite this way, with a real-time window into a mind routinely jumping into denial mode.
Fortunately there are also bright flashes of humor amidst the drama. Ryan has a sensitive soul, and despite his knee-jerk reactions of repression and denial, he's sometimes painfully — and amusingly — self-aware.
It’s not that I’m putting it off. I just had some crucial brooding to do in Denver. That’s all.
Yeah, I’m stealing that. “Sorry I'm not available right now, I'm doing some crucial brooding” is my new all-purpose excuse.
At any rate, if you think you’d like angst and 1st-person narration and angst and rock stardom and angst and a trip to the 1970s and angst and good writing (and can overlook that weird first 10%) and angst and immature asshole characters who have a lot of growing up to do before they’re even minimally tolerable — plus, also, an extra serving of angst — then grab this. It’s free on AO3. But if, like me, you’re not sure you want all those things, maybe give it a look anyway. I’m moving right on to book 2, so whatever this book did, it worked for me. (Plus I’ll get more BR time with Jan and Moony, yay!)
March 19, 2022
The hype is real!!! ❤️
February 24, 2023
Coming back after finishing the whole series.
This was so incredibly good. Listen. I like short books. I don’t like series that follow the same couple. I have no patience. I hate cliffhangers. Yet I devoured three books of 300-400 ANGSTY pages each with cliffhangers and unresolved issues and I wanted more.
I still want more. I don’t know what to do with myself now that I am done.
_______________________________________________
Holy shit. What a ride.
Ryan is a selfish asshole. He is a poor victim. Everyone is fucking everything up. Jac. Spencer. Pete. Joe. Brent. Brendon. Especially Brendon. It’s all their fault.
Ryan is not gay. He is just fucking Brendon. It’s all Brendon’s fault anyway.
The sex. Omg the sex.
The writing. The 70s. The tour bus. The vibe.
I’m addicted.
But at the same time. It’s fanfic and it’s hard to ignore and pretend it’s not. I keep picturing Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie in their emo phase in the 70s. And that’s not a good look. Also my teenage daughter thinks this is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, reading Panic at the disco fanfic. She is horrified.
It needs editing. It drags. It jumps ahead in a weird way. Bumpy. It’s repetitive at times. And I hate trilogies featuring the same couple. It’s always too long.
But like I said. I’m addicted.
I love Ryan. I don’t know how I feel about Brendon yet. But I can’t wait to find out.
This was so incredibly good. Listen. I like short books. I don’t like series that follow the same couple. I have no patience. I hate cliffhangers. Yet I devoured three books of 300-400 ANGSTY pages each with cliffhangers and unresolved issues and I wanted more.
I still want more. I don’t know what to do with myself now that I am done.
_______________________________________________
Holy shit. What a ride.
Ryan is a selfish asshole. He is a poor victim. Everyone is fucking everything up. Jac. Spencer. Pete. Joe. Brent. Brendon. Especially Brendon. It’s all their fault.
Ryan is not gay. He is just fucking Brendon. It’s all Brendon’s fault anyway.
The sex. Omg the sex.
The writing. The 70s. The tour bus. The vibe.
I’m addicted.
But at the same time. It’s fanfic and it’s hard to ignore and pretend it’s not. I keep picturing Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie in their emo phase in the 70s. And that’s not a good look. Also my teenage daughter thinks this is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, reading Panic at the disco fanfic. She is horrified.
It needs editing. It drags. It jumps ahead in a weird way. Bumpy. It’s repetitive at times. And I hate trilogies featuring the same couple. It’s always too long.
But like I said. I’m addicted.
I love Ryan. I don’t know how I feel about Brendon yet. But I can’t wait to find out.
April 6, 2022
***4.5 rating***
"So what do you do when you realise that the last pieces of string holding you together have dissolved?"
I want yall to Will Smith slap me for not reading this amazing book sooner👊🏻.
I mean when I first saw this on my feed I was like "what is this story about a mouse and heart?" and why is everyone obsessed with it.
Little did I know.
The joke is on me🤡.
Yeah hi. It's me the 🤡 coming back from the circus.
I have arrived 🤡🎪.
When I tell you I have been missing out , I have been really missing out. Nevermind that this is a Panic at the Disco fanfiction, but like some of my dear GR friends have said in their beautiful reviews this hardly felt like a fanfiction.
It was better than most MM romance books I have read. Trust the hype on this one, it is much deserved.
Everything about Ryan and Brendon is absolutely done flawlessly.
The want, the desire, the tension, the chemistry, the sex, the anguish and despair felt by both characters, I, too felt it as a reader.
These two men are indeed very frustrating, especially Ryan.
I couldn't decide whether I should love or hate Ryan. My god that man is not only conceited but a total self absorbed asshole, unaware of how much his actions impact others. Cannot fathom that his shitty actions indeed have consequences. How he treated Brendon like dog shit at times, I wanted to smack him back into 1965. But the way the author wrote this flawed character with his need to self sabotage was what captivated me as reader. I needed to read more, to understand him and you do, even with his flaws and all. I understood Ryan and his shitty actions, some you cannot even justify but you understand him for what he is. I kind of felt sorry for him at times, because this man doesn't know how to love. And well hurt people hurt others. How could he love someone else when he cannot even love himself? Self destruction is constant with this character, so much so that it makes you at times want to scream at him.
But I understand that it's necessary, that there will be character development for him in the other books, still it hurt to see him struggle. Being gay/bi in the 1970s, I cannot even imagine, much less being a public figure. Getting called a pervert or being told that who you desire is a sickness, it was hard to read about. I felt Ryan's inner dilemma. His delusion that he is straight while he was with sleeping Brendon. Who is gonna tell him? 💀
You sir are DEFINITELY not straight, especially not the way he and Brendon went at it like animals in heat🙊.
The cheating, the substance abuse, man it was heavy in this book. Don't even get me started on the angst. Damn there is so much of it, especially in book 2 because as we speak I am 50% into book 2, yep I am addicted to this trilogy.
I also really felt for Brendon, you cannot help who you love, and he fell in love with an asshole who doesn't even know who he is yet. Still, I want them together the toxicity and all. They are so raw and real together, I will keep my hopes up until book 3 even though the ending of this book made me sad af.
I know people told me this trilogy had so much angst but damn I wasn't prepared. I felt the loneliness of both characters, ugh who is cutting onions here😭🤧. I am not crying you are. I know I already shed a few tears here and there for book 2, the angst is like ×4 in book 2. I will be okay. I am okay 😭😭
Excuse me while I go cry in a corner😭. Okay byeeeee.
"So what do you do when you realise that the last pieces of string holding you together have dissolved?"
I want yall to Will Smith slap me for not reading this amazing book sooner👊🏻.
I mean when I first saw this on my feed I was like "what is this story about a mouse and heart?" and why is everyone obsessed with it.
Little did I know.
The joke is on me🤡.
Yeah hi. It's me the 🤡 coming back from the circus.
I have arrived 🤡🎪.
When I tell you I have been missing out , I have been really missing out. Nevermind that this is a Panic at the Disco fanfiction, but like some of my dear GR friends have said in their beautiful reviews this hardly felt like a fanfiction.
It was better than most MM romance books I have read. Trust the hype on this one, it is much deserved.
Everything about Ryan and Brendon is absolutely done flawlessly.
The want, the desire, the tension, the chemistry, the sex, the anguish and despair felt by both characters, I, too felt it as a reader.
These two men are indeed very frustrating, especially Ryan.
I couldn't decide whether I should love or hate Ryan. My god that man is not only conceited but a total self absorbed asshole, unaware of how much his actions impact others. Cannot fathom that his shitty actions indeed have consequences. How he treated Brendon like dog shit at times, I wanted to smack him back into 1965. But the way the author wrote this flawed character with his need to self sabotage was what captivated me as reader. I needed to read more, to understand him and you do, even with his flaws and all. I understood Ryan and his shitty actions, some you cannot even justify but you understand him for what he is. I kind of felt sorry for him at times, because this man doesn't know how to love. And well hurt people hurt others. How could he love someone else when he cannot even love himself? Self destruction is constant with this character, so much so that it makes you at times want to scream at him.
But I understand that it's necessary, that there will be character development for him in the other books, still it hurt to see him struggle. Being gay/bi in the 1970s, I cannot even imagine, much less being a public figure. Getting called a pervert or being told that who you desire is a sickness, it was hard to read about. I felt Ryan's inner dilemma. His delusion that he is straight while he was with sleeping Brendon. Who is gonna tell him? 💀
You sir are DEFINITELY not straight, especially not the way he and Brendon went at it like animals in heat🙊.
The cheating, the substance abuse, man it was heavy in this book. Don't even get me started on the angst. Damn there is so much of it, especially in book 2 because as we speak I am 50% into book 2, yep I am addicted to this trilogy.
I also really felt for Brendon, you cannot help who you love, and he fell in love with an asshole who doesn't even know who he is yet. Still, I want them together the toxicity and all. They are so raw and real together, I will keep my hopes up until book 3 even though the ending of this book made me sad af.
I know people told me this trilogy had so much angst but damn I wasn't prepared. I felt the loneliness of both characters, ugh who is cutting onions here😭🤧. I am not crying you are. I know I already shed a few tears here and there for book 2, the angst is like ×4 in book 2. I will be okay. I am okay 😭😭
Excuse me while I go cry in a corner😭. Okay byeeeee.
February 17, 2022
I need Boneless - The Followers Album right now!
Apparently I love stories around music bands, who knew!?
I’m an impatient reader. It’s not uncommon for me to skimmed some paragraphs when I think I get the idea of what’s happening or there are no dialogs or there are too much scenery descriptions. I know, I must live with that shame.
BUT, you know those books that you get obsessed with from page one?, analyzing every word, enjoying each paragraph, even if it’s only about the wardrobe of the secondary character you don’t like that much?
This was absolutely part of that VIP club!
This is a slow burn story (the first part of a trilogy) about two men in the hard, cruel rock/prog music industry of the 70s. The homophobic and misogynistic white het cis men you could except are all present in all their gruesome “glory”. This was real and honest and sometimes hard, but every bit as incredible as the reviews promised me it would be.
This is supposed to be a fanfic about something related to, I think, the band Panic! At the Disco?. If that’s the case, I only know some of their main hits, so really I don’t know anything about what is the main inspiration behind all this. And I intend to finish the trilogy that way. This is an amazing piece of fiction on its own. Maybe fans of the initial inspiration could enjoy it more, but I doubt it... I’m loving every minute of it. I will investigate about it when I finish (don’t tell me anything until then)
Trilogy and extras completely FREE on AO3!
Apparently I love stories around music bands, who knew!?
I’m an impatient reader. It’s not uncommon for me to skimmed some paragraphs when I think I get the idea of what’s happening or there are no dialogs or there are too much scenery descriptions. I know, I must live with that shame.
BUT, you know those books that you get obsessed with from page one?, analyzing every word, enjoying each paragraph, even if it’s only about the wardrobe of the secondary character you don’t like that much?
This was absolutely part of that VIP club!
This is a slow burn story (the first part of a trilogy) about two men in the hard, cruel rock/prog music industry of the 70s. The homophobic and misogynistic white het cis men you could except are all present in all their gruesome “glory”. This was real and honest and sometimes hard, but every bit as incredible as the reviews promised me it would be.
This is supposed to be a fanfic about something related to, I think, the band Panic! At the Disco?. If that’s the case, I only know some of their main hits, so really I don’t know anything about what is the main inspiration behind all this. And I intend to finish the trilogy that way. This is an amazing piece of fiction on its own. Maybe fans of the initial inspiration could enjoy it more, but I doubt it... I’m loving every minute of it. I will investigate about it when I finish (don’t tell me anything until then)
Trilogy and extras completely FREE on AO3!
March 22, 2022
4 stars ⭐️There will possibly be spoilers in my review. ⛔️⛔️
Oh my God, Ryan couldn't be more asshole. But I love him anyway. Poor Brendon! 😭😭 My heart cries for him. I want to know what Brendon thinks about Ryan. I'd give everything to read Brendon’s POV in this book.
Please, Ryan and Brendon, be monogamous. I can't stand around when they have sex with others!!!
The characters are well developed and I love how the author makes Ryan a bad person. He is messed up most of the time, and he doesn't even know he loves Bren more than anything, and he is so clueless. I want to give a bump to his head and hug him right at the same time.
On to the next book!
Oh my God, Ryan couldn't be more asshole. But I love him anyway. Poor Brendon! 😭😭 My heart cries for him. I want to know what Brendon thinks about Ryan. I'd give everything to read Brendon’s POV in this book.
Please, Ryan and Brendon, be monogamous. I can't stand around when they have sex with others!!!
The characters are well developed and I love how the author makes Ryan a bad person. He is messed up most of the time, and he doesn't even know he loves Bren more than anything, and he is so clueless. I want to give a bump to his head and hug him right at the same time.
On to the next book!
March 18, 2022
**Came back to bump up rating after finishing book two and then pondering other books I’ve read and rated this year. Lately I’m feeling weird with my ratings. Second guessing or wanting to go back and change for good or bad but getting too in my head?**
I seem to be on a review hiatus lately. Can’t find the energy. I’m sorry.
But it’s ok because nothing I could say would add anything to the amazing reviews that convinced me to read this in the first place. So just go read those (Jan, Shile, Arianna, etc.) and mine would be pretty much ditto. (I still lack the skills to post links to reviews. Boo.)
Ditto yes? Ditto is good.
Beautiful. Deliciously painful. Intense. Claws at your heart till it’s bleeding. Then it’s not even scabbed over before it’s bleeding again. Characters that feel REAL. And hot. Though that word isn’t nearly sufficient to describe things.
Guess I have to go read more now. See you on the other side.
Thanks to Jan for getting this technophobe a copy. 💜
I seem to be on a review hiatus lately. Can’t find the energy. I’m sorry.
But it’s ok because nothing I could say would add anything to the amazing reviews that convinced me to read this in the first place. So just go read those (Jan, Shile, Arianna, etc.) and mine would be pretty much ditto. (I still lack the skills to post links to reviews. Boo.)
Ditto yes? Ditto is good.
Beautiful. Deliciously painful. Intense. Claws at your heart till it’s bleeding. Then it’s not even scabbed over before it’s bleeding again. Characters that feel REAL. And hot. Though that word isn’t nearly sufficient to describe things.
Guess I have to go read more now. See you on the other side.
Thanks to Jan for getting this technophobe a copy. 💜
January 24, 2022
I have too many feelings right now.
I hated Ryan almost more than any other character I’ve ever read, but my god was he real. His pain, confusion, and denial were all things I felt deeply. How did this author write him? How did she make me feel so much?
I don’t usually like angsty stories that leave you feeling hopeless, but this has grabbed me and pulled me under into the darkness. I don’t think I can come back up for air until I read the other two books. I don’t want to. I need to.
Fuck. All the TWs.
I hated Ryan almost more than any other character I’ve ever read, but my god was he real. His pain, confusion, and denial were all things I felt deeply. How did this author write him? How did she make me feel so much?
I don’t usually like angsty stories that leave you feeling hopeless, but this has grabbed me and pulled me under into the darkness. I don’t think I can come back up for air until I read the other two books. I don’t want to. I need to.
Fuck. All the TWs.
February 25, 2022
It all started with a rec and then, I spent days wrecked... Why? Because I had no fucking idea of how to review this book!!! Because I didn't know how to feel. And I still don't know, because how can you explain that you loved something that you should have hated? HATED!
HOW?? But I'll try anyways...
This is not an easy book, is a dark, heavy, what the fuck are they doing type of book, sometimes you will think: Is this really happening? Other times: the fucking audacity!!!! Others: did he just say/think that? And others just: what the fuck?! Because your brain won't be able to THINK OF A REASON FOR WHY SHIT HAPPENS, BECAUSE THERE IS NONE! IT'S JUST CHAOS!!! *breathes*
Because normally, heavy books give us characters that are in difficult situations but are not entirely bad, or they are really, really bad, psychopath level. So you have extremes that you can justify with: is fiction.
In here EVERYONE IS A PIECE OF WORK, even the main characters, 🤔🤔 wait I didn't say that right, MORE SO the main characters and they are described in a way that is so real, it freaked me out and it made me question my sanity, because I just couldn't hate them.
Don't get me wrong, in the first 30% of this book I thought I wasn't going to like Ryan, the book? Yes, the writing was enthralling, the descriptions and happenings on point. The characters? They breathed fucked up! And the king of fucked up? Ryan, so I thought: Oh, maybe I won't like this dude.
I WAS WRONG!!!! Ryan forgive me I just didn't understand!!!! Help me understand Ryan!!! *slaps herself*... *breathes* 🥲
Anyways I kept reading and I started understanding that he was a product of his environment, that he was just lonely so he built himself up to crush everyone to the ground, and I mean that literally, that mother fucker has a mouth that the minute he opens it, you know shit is gonna hit the fucking fan and blood and tears are gonna come out and you gonna need a break because jesus Ryan! HURTSSSSS.
But I love you either way so the joke is on me! 🥲🥲🥲😍
But yeah, I didn't finish this book loving Ryan or Brendon btw, cause Brendon seems the only good one in this book but I felt it, he likes fucked up too and Ryan knows this doesn't he? Yes, yes he does *whispers to herself*.
Anyways, I feel like I'm explaining nothing but that's how fucked up this is. I just can say that this is an amazing story if you don't mind reading something as fucked up at this and I recommend it.
Because fucked up. And I've said fucked up too much, but it's just fucked up! 🤯🤯
I do want to mention some triggers though: cheating and drugs, they happened all the time!! Ryan looked left, he saw someone cheating on someone, he looked right, someone doing drugs.
And sometimes he didn't even have to look, he just did those things himself, so yeah, you get my meaning.
So if you decide to read this! God help u.
This is the least eloquently review I've done I think, but I'm sorry I can't do better. Cause... EMOTIONAL DAMAGE! 😢😢😢
HOW?? But I'll try anyways...
This is not an easy book, is a dark, heavy, what the fuck are they doing type of book, sometimes you will think: Is this really happening? Other times: the fucking audacity!!!! Others: did he just say/think that? And others just: what the fuck?! Because your brain won't be able to THINK OF A REASON FOR WHY SHIT HAPPENS, BECAUSE THERE IS NONE! IT'S JUST CHAOS!!! *breathes*
Because normally, heavy books give us characters that are in difficult situations but are not entirely bad, or they are really, really bad, psychopath level. So you have extremes that you can justify with: is fiction.
In here EVERYONE IS A PIECE OF WORK, even the main characters, 🤔🤔 wait I didn't say that right, MORE SO the main characters and they are described in a way that is so real, it freaked me out and it made me question my sanity, because I just couldn't hate them.
Don't get me wrong, in the first 30% of this book I thought I wasn't going to like Ryan, the book? Yes, the writing was enthralling, the descriptions and happenings on point. The characters? They breathed fucked up! And the king of fucked up? Ryan, so I thought: Oh, maybe I won't like this dude.
I WAS WRONG!!!! Ryan forgive me I just didn't understand!!!! Help me understand Ryan!!! *slaps herself*... *breathes* 🥲
Anyways I kept reading and I started understanding that he was a product of his environment, that he was just lonely so he built himself up to crush everyone to the ground, and I mean that literally, that mother fucker has a mouth that the minute he opens it, you know shit is gonna hit the fucking fan and blood and tears are gonna come out and you gonna need a break because jesus Ryan! HURTSSSSS.
But I love you either way so the joke is on me! 🥲🥲🥲😍
But yeah, I didn't finish this book loving Ryan or Brendon btw, cause Brendon seems the only good one in this book but I felt it, he likes fucked up too and Ryan knows this doesn't he? Yes, yes he does *whispers to herself*.
Anyways, I feel like I'm explaining nothing but that's how fucked up this is. I just can say that this is an amazing story if you don't mind reading something as fucked up at this and I recommend it.
Because fucked up. And I've said fucked up too much, but it's just fucked up! 🤯🤯
I do want to mention some triggers though: cheating and drugs, they happened all the time!! Ryan looked left, he saw someone cheating on someone, he looked right, someone doing drugs.
And sometimes he didn't even have to look, he just did those things himself, so yeah, you get my meaning.
So if you decide to read this! God help u.
This is the least eloquently review I've done I think, but I'm sorry I can't do better. Cause... EMOTIONAL DAMAGE! 😢😢😢
February 11, 2024
LOST COUNT ON THE RE-READS
Thank you JAN for the annual re-read, I love this book as much or more every year. ❤️
Second time around
Re-reading this book it’s even better. I am a Ryan ❤️ fan from day one. Going in the second time I feel for him - he’s truly a lonely broken and deeply lost boy in book one. Don’t get me wrong his actions are trash in this book, yet the story and writing is really fantastic. This book was set in the 70’s - fifty years ago, what was living or growing up like then? There are too many quotes for me to count
On to book 2 - love this epic series
First time Review
Thank you Jan - where and how did you find this series?!! This is so up my reading alley it has it all> Both M/C's have a backstory that slowly will reveal, the building of a real bond between the M/C's was perfect. Ryan is the narrator of this story, I love him as much as I can't stand how he behaves at times, however the writing which puts the reader in his head gives insight to the depth of his character. I am already on to the next book and a little nervous due to everyone's reviews.
Thank you JAN for the annual re-read, I love this book as much or more every year. ❤️
Second time around
Re-reading this book it’s even better. I am a Ryan ❤️ fan from day one. Going in the second time I feel for him - he’s truly a lonely broken and deeply lost boy in book one. Don’t get me wrong his actions are trash in this book, yet the story and writing is really fantastic. This book was set in the 70’s - fifty years ago, what was living or growing up like then? There are too many quotes for me to count
On to book 2 - love this epic series
First time Review
Thank you Jan - where and how did you find this series?!! This is so up my reading alley it has it all> Both M/C's have a backstory that slowly will reveal, the building of a real bond between the M/C's was perfect. Ryan is the narrator of this story, I love him as much as I can't stand how he behaves at times, however the writing which puts the reader in his head gives insight to the depth of his character. I am already on to the next book and a little nervous due to everyone's reviews.
February 12, 2022
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOYOHMYGODOHMYGOD
5+ stars
I have no words, I am OBSESSED and I am not okay. You broke my heart, Anna Green, you broke my freaking heart.
I am so invested in this series I actually forgot to update my reading process yesterday.
Ryan, you fucking asshole, I hate you, I so so SO SO SO HATE YOU. How could you. But at the same time I relate to you so much sometimes it is scary. You are messed up and you remind me of myself, so I hate you.
Brendon, my sweeet Brendon, I love you. You know excatly what you want and you are an amazing person, I love you, you deserve the world. I want to be your friend so much.
ANNA GREEN, how could you?!?! I cried, laughed, smiled, screamed, stared and wanted to smash my head agains something and maybe wanted to smash someone elses head (*cought* Ryan).
This book made me feel and I am absolutely broken.
5+ stars
I have no words, I am OBSESSED and I am not okay. You broke my heart, Anna Green, you broke my freaking heart.
I am so invested in this series I actually forgot to update my reading process yesterday.
Ryan, you fucking asshole, I hate you, I so so SO SO SO HATE YOU. How could you. But at the same time I relate to you so much sometimes it is scary. You are messed up and you remind me of myself, so I hate you.
Brendon, my sweeet Brendon, I love you. You know excatly what you want and you are an amazing person, I love you, you deserve the world. I want to be your friend so much.
ANNA GREEN, how could you?!?! I cried, laughed, smiled, screamed, stared and wanted to smash my head agains something and maybe wanted to smash someone elses head (*cought* Ryan).
This book made me feel and I am absolutely broken.
January 18, 2023
3.75 stars**
March 18, 2023
***Re-read March 2023***
I reread this because I always meant to continue the series, waited too long, and felt like I needed I refresher. Took longer as I just dipped in when I had time between other reads. Not an ideal way for me to read I'm done now.
My thoughts are fairly much the same as on my first read but on that occasion ignorance was bliss. I didn't know that the main characters are all named and/or based on actual members of Panic! At The Disco. And I've been to a Panic! concert 😂😂😂 I saw the names Brendon Urie and Pete Wentz (different band), the only ones I recognized, and thought it was just sort of a tribute. I'm dim. But seriously I find using actual people for fiction, romance or other, more than a bit icky. It would be the work of a minute to replace the names as they bring nothing of value to the story.
***First read March 2022***
***4.5***
Okay ... I've been on a reading slump, a BIG one, but thankfully I know good people here on GR and they sent this gem my way. Specifically Jan, who's review reflects many of my own thoughts and you can just read it here Jan's Review, it's perfect.
What did I think? I'll likely have a better grasp on my ideas when I read parts 2 & 3, however I was absolutely hooked and left wondering how this didn't go to a publishing house? It would definitely benefit from some judicious editing, tightening the story, dispensing with unnecessary details, repetitions etc. but in spite of not being polished the story reads fresh, realistic, and bracing. Isn't it weird that to get that we need stories set in the past?
The story: Its 1974 and The Followers, a band on the verge of reaching Zeppelin, Stones, or Allman Brothers like status, go on tour. Predictably the band members are not in the best state personally or with each other. Sex & drugs being the least of their problems.
There's a growing schism between Ryan Ross, the main singer & songwriter and his fellow bandmates. What's the goal, the music, the art or the commerce? Ryan is twenty four (24), very much a creature of his time and a full fledged rockstar which means he's narcissistic, hedonistic, a bit misogynistic, and a dash of bog standard homophobic. The wrench in his life arrives in the shape of a last minute addition to the tour, openly gay roadie, Brendon Urie.
The almost forced proximity of living on a tour bus, going from one venue to the next, afterparties fueled by alcohol, drugs & impersonal sex, Ryan's deep unhappiness & alienation and Brendon's outcast status brings them together. You can imagine what ensues, Ryan, a heretofore heterosexual, trying to rationalize every step he takes with/towards Brendon (the notion of being bi doesn't cross his mind), managing to get close and alienate him at the same time.
A lot and just enough happens for the timespan covered and it ends in a major cliffhanger, so fair warning.
I'll go on to the next books particularly because it pleasantly reminded me of one of my favorite mm reads ever: The One Thing I Know. Sadly I don't know/think that this author is still active but I would recommend it to everyone.
I reread this because I always meant to continue the series, waited too long, and felt like I needed I refresher. Took longer as I just dipped in when I had time between other reads. Not an ideal way for me to read I'm done now.
My thoughts are fairly much the same as on my first read but on that occasion ignorance was bliss. I didn't know that the main characters are all named and/or based on actual members of Panic! At The Disco. And I've been to a Panic! concert 😂😂😂 I saw the names Brendon Urie and Pete Wentz (different band), the only ones I recognized, and thought it was just sort of a tribute. I'm dim. But seriously I find using actual people for fiction, romance or other, more than a bit icky. It would be the work of a minute to replace the names as they bring nothing of value to the story.
***First read March 2022***
***4.5***
Okay ... I've been on a reading slump, a BIG one, but thankfully I know good people here on GR and they sent this gem my way. Specifically Jan, who's review reflects many of my own thoughts and you can just read it here Jan's Review, it's perfect.
What did I think? I'll likely have a better grasp on my ideas when I read parts 2 & 3, however I was absolutely hooked and left wondering how this didn't go to a publishing house? It would definitely benefit from some judicious editing, tightening the story, dispensing with unnecessary details, repetitions etc. but in spite of not being polished the story reads fresh, realistic, and bracing. Isn't it weird that to get that we need stories set in the past?
The story: Its 1974 and The Followers, a band on the verge of reaching Zeppelin, Stones, or Allman Brothers like status, go on tour. Predictably the band members are not in the best state personally or with each other. Sex & drugs being the least of their problems.
There's a growing schism between Ryan Ross, the main singer & songwriter and his fellow bandmates. What's the goal, the music, the art or the commerce? Ryan is twenty four (24), very much a creature of his time and a full fledged rockstar which means he's narcissistic, hedonistic, a bit misogynistic, and a dash of bog standard homophobic. The wrench in his life arrives in the shape of a last minute addition to the tour, openly gay roadie, Brendon Urie.
The almost forced proximity of living on a tour bus, going from one venue to the next, afterparties fueled by alcohol, drugs & impersonal sex, Ryan's deep unhappiness & alienation and Brendon's outcast status brings them together. You can imagine what ensues, Ryan, a heretofore heterosexual, trying to rationalize every step he takes with/towards Brendon (the notion of being bi doesn't cross his mind), managing to get close and alienate him at the same time.
A lot and just enough happens for the timespan covered and it ends in a major cliffhanger, so fair warning.
I'll go on to the next books particularly because it pleasantly reminded me of one of my favorite mm reads ever: The One Thing I Know. Sadly I don't know/think that this author is still active but I would recommend it to everyone.
February 23, 2022
Don’t expect anything sensible out of me here.
I just finished this, and my mind is blown.
Fantastic writing!
All I can do is say this …
Ryan is such a mega a*****e, it’s difficult to find anything likeable about him at all most of the time. He is cruel, vile, self-centred, arrogant, mean … you name it. The guy really has not got a lot going for him, has he?
And yet, the author manages to let us see his immense vulnerability, too.
Ryan barely copes with the demands of fame and touring, the sex, the drugs, and the alcohol, and he is on a very slippery slope of a deepening spiral of self-destruction.
So while I groaned in frustration (and horror!) when he spouts abuse, homophobic slurs and egotistical BS, I could also see a young man in desperate need of love and support.
Not that he is able to appreciate exactly that when he gets it from Brendon. Who gives him chance after chance to ‘see the light’. No, because Ryan isn’t a fag, right?!
I have to remind everyone here that this is 1974, when homophobia was rife and being homosexual a total no-go in society. Tbh, I think you could easily write a whole psychological discourse about this guy!
Brendon is a genuinely nice guy who, unlike Ryan, is so sure of who he is. His own back story is quite painful and sad, too, something we find out bit by bit. We can see that he falls for Ryan slowly, and it was downright heart-breaking to see his hopes and feelings shot down again and again. All that hot and cold coming from Ryan was worse than a Kneipp spa treatment!
Fabulous characterization for both men here, and so much depth! And Good God! All the drama, the lies, the deceit....!
The reason why this got only 4 stars from me – the touring parts of the books are too drawn out and could have easily been shortened quite a bit.
But, if you like anguished MCs, rock stars and angst you will love this, too!
And to get a better all round picture please read Jan’s review here
Off to read book 2 now!
I just finished this, and my mind is blown.
Fantastic writing!
All I can do is say this …
Ryan is such a mega a*****e, it’s difficult to find anything likeable about him at all most of the time. He is cruel, vile, self-centred, arrogant, mean … you name it. The guy really has not got a lot going for him, has he?
And yet, the author manages to let us see his immense vulnerability, too.
Ryan barely copes with the demands of fame and touring, the sex, the drugs, and the alcohol, and he is on a very slippery slope of a deepening spiral of self-destruction.
So while I groaned in frustration (and horror!) when he spouts abuse, homophobic slurs and egotistical BS, I could also see a young man in desperate need of love and support.
Not that he is able to appreciate exactly that when he gets it from Brendon. Who gives him chance after chance to ‘see the light’. No, because Ryan isn’t a fag, right?!
I have to remind everyone here that this is 1974, when homophobia was rife and being homosexual a total no-go in society. Tbh, I think you could easily write a whole psychological discourse about this guy!
Brendon is a genuinely nice guy who, unlike Ryan, is so sure of who he is. His own back story is quite painful and sad, too, something we find out bit by bit. We can see that he falls for Ryan slowly, and it was downright heart-breaking to see his hopes and feelings shot down again and again. All that hot and cold coming from Ryan was worse than a Kneipp spa treatment!
Fabulous characterization for both men here, and so much depth! And Good God! All the drama, the lies, the deceit....!
The reason why this got only 4 stars from me – the touring parts of the books are too drawn out and could have easily been shortened quite a bit.
But, if you like anguished MCs, rock stars and angst you will love this, too!
And to get a better all round picture please read Jan’s review here
Off to read book 2 now!
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February 19, 2022
I'm wowed by the quality of the fanfiction / original works I've read in the past 12 months, and super excited about this trilogy. It's simply great. Character driven 1970s rock star MM romance that takes time to develop at the beginning, but after a while had me solidly hooked.
It appears I have a soft spot for arsehole heroes and their redemption arcs. So well done here, even if by the end of this first book. Very good tension and steam, and I love the terribly disagreeable, almost wholly unlikeable Ryan, who's the narrator of the story.
Thanks to Jan & GR friends that made me find my way to this book on ArchiveOfOurOwn!
It appears I have a soft spot for arsehole heroes and their redemption arcs. So well done here, even if by the end of this first book. Very good tension and steam, and I love the terribly disagreeable, almost wholly unlikeable Ryan, who's the narrator of the story.
Thanks to Jan & GR friends that made me find my way to this book on ArchiveOfOurOwn!
February 17, 2024
So much self-pity,
loathing, and longing. Be nice,
Ry, and then they'll stay.
2024 re-read
Unreliable
in all ways: friend, musician,
lover, narrator.
loathing, and longing. Be nice,
Ry, and then they'll stay.
2024 re-read
Unreliable
in all ways: friend, musician,
lover, narrator.
March 1, 2023
What? You want me to write a review when I could be starting book 2?
...
😂
No.
...
😂
No.
March 24, 2023
4.5 stars
I've had this series on my tbr list for years. I had heard great things about it but I was hesitant. It's Panic! At the Disco fanfic and I'm leery to read fanfic about real people. It seems a bit creepy to me. This was a double issue for me because I'm a huge Panic! fan and I remember the old days of "Rydon". There were tons of rumors.....kisses on stage, holding hands in interviews, rubbing an inner thigh of the other during a show. Was it real or just a gimmick? Well. only they know. (there's videos on YouTube if you're interested) In real life they went their separate ways many years ago and I haven't followed Ryan's career at all (he went to a folky kind of style). Brendon though is a huge celebrity crush of mine. The author was not wrong in her descriptions of him. He's the cat's meow imo.
Soooo.......I finally decided to give it a try because it's been coming across my GR feed a lot in the past few weeks. The first few chapters were rough for me. The writing was good but I was struggling because I knew who all the characters were in real life and I had to settle in to letting go of the reality of who they all were & what the real events were. Once I got used to that I quickly became immersed in the story.
The story is told from Ryan's pov. He's a spoiled rock star who is going through a really difficult time in his life. He's depressed, drinking too much, hating stardom and preforming and everything that comes with it. He meets Brendon, who is a fill in roady for the band and his life takes a wild turn. Brendon is the balm to Ryan's pain.
The writing is so, so good. Both MC's are flawed, especially Ryan. Despite some truly terrible decisions on his part I still liked him. I still felt bad for him a few times. He's a mess but I couldn't help caring about him. We never get Brendon's pov but I felt like the author did a really good job of making us care about him too. There was so much emotion in this book. I laughed, I got super mad, I got a bit anxious and I stayed up until the early hours reading this. I haven't done that in ages. The minute I finished this I instantly downloaded the next book in the series. I couldn't wait to see what happened next.
This may not be for everyone. There's a lot of angst and they both make a crap ton of mistakes over the course of the series, but I think it's worth it. It's fantastically written, the character development is top notch and it's very emotional. The author makes your heart hurt, both with pain and joy.
If you want to give it a try it's on Ao3 which is amazing to me. I can't believe something so good is free when I've paid a lot of money for stuff not even a quarter as well written. Here's the link if you're interested.
https://archiveofourown.org/series/71...
If your're interested in the real people/band here is a video of one of their most famous songs...co-written and sung together by Ryan & Brendon (It's old, probably around 2005 or so when they were barely adults)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc6vs...
And here is a live song done by Brendon in the last few years. (singing an ironically perfect song for this book)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF-1z...
I've had this series on my tbr list for years. I had heard great things about it but I was hesitant. It's Panic! At the Disco fanfic and I'm leery to read fanfic about real people. It seems a bit creepy to me. This was a double issue for me because I'm a huge Panic! fan and I remember the old days of "Rydon". There were tons of rumors.....kisses on stage, holding hands in interviews, rubbing an inner thigh of the other during a show. Was it real or just a gimmick? Well. only they know. (there's videos on YouTube if you're interested) In real life they went their separate ways many years ago and I haven't followed Ryan's career at all (he went to a folky kind of style). Brendon though is a huge celebrity crush of mine. The author was not wrong in her descriptions of him. He's the cat's meow imo.
Soooo.......I finally decided to give it a try because it's been coming across my GR feed a lot in the past few weeks. The first few chapters were rough for me. The writing was good but I was struggling because I knew who all the characters were in real life and I had to settle in to letting go of the reality of who they all were & what the real events were. Once I got used to that I quickly became immersed in the story.
The story is told from Ryan's pov. He's a spoiled rock star who is going through a really difficult time in his life. He's depressed, drinking too much, hating stardom and preforming and everything that comes with it. He meets Brendon, who is a fill in roady for the band and his life takes a wild turn. Brendon is the balm to Ryan's pain.
The writing is so, so good. Both MC's are flawed, especially Ryan. Despite some truly terrible decisions on his part I still liked him. I still felt bad for him a few times. He's a mess but I couldn't help caring about him. We never get Brendon's pov but I felt like the author did a really good job of making us care about him too. There was so much emotion in this book. I laughed, I got super mad, I got a bit anxious and I stayed up until the early hours reading this. I haven't done that in ages. The minute I finished this I instantly downloaded the next book in the series. I couldn't wait to see what happened next.
This may not be for everyone. There's a lot of angst and they both make a crap ton of mistakes over the course of the series, but I think it's worth it. It's fantastically written, the character development is top notch and it's very emotional. The author makes your heart hurt, both with pain and joy.
If you want to give it a try it's on Ao3 which is amazing to me. I can't believe something so good is free when I've paid a lot of money for stuff not even a quarter as well written. Here's the link if you're interested.
https://archiveofourown.org/series/71...
If your're interested in the real people/band here is a video of one of their most famous songs...co-written and sung together by Ryan & Brendon (It's old, probably around 2005 or so when they were barely adults)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc6vs...
And here is a live song done by Brendon in the last few years. (singing an ironically perfect song for this book)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF-1z...
February 21, 2023
✽ 6 STARS ✽
OMG, this was sooo good, I really adore books which give me this kind of feelings. I feel like I was transported into the book to observe and soak up everything when standing there hidden in the corner of backstage room...
I am off to book #2, I even can't find any other words to say... I am just totally in love.
OMG, this was sooo good, I really adore books which give me this kind of feelings. I feel like I was transported into the book to observe and soak up everything when standing there hidden in the corner of backstage room...
I am off to book #2, I even can't find any other words to say... I am just totally in love.
February 21, 2022
Gaaaaahhhh...
April 7, 2022
Ok, I'm going in.......
May 31, 2016
Pitying you.
February 13, 2022
This is something I never would have picked up if not for my goodreads friends raving reviews. My understanding is this is slash fanfic about Panic At The Disco set in the 70's. I read this as original fiction, not caring in the least about how much of this is based in reality about a band I don't listen to.
The only character I like is Brendon. The band members are all horrible people with the possible exception of Spencer. Ryan is such an a**hole narcissist with a God complex. Rude, completely self centered, striking out at everyone, lying, cheating... Despite this or maybe because of it, I enjoyed the angst level but desperately wanted to get Ryan a good therapist. Half convinced that in one of the subsequent books, due to the time period and the frequent unprotected sex, AIDS will happen and sobbing will ensue.
The only character I like is Brendon. The band members are all horrible people with the possible exception of Spencer. Ryan is such an a**hole narcissist with a God complex. Rude, completely self centered, striking out at everyone, lying, cheating... Despite this or maybe because of it, I enjoyed the angst level but desperately wanted to get Ryan a good therapist. Half convinced that in one of the subsequent books, due to the time period and the frequent unprotected sex, AIDS will happen and sobbing will ensue.
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February 18, 2022
4.5 stars ☆
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