Working with Bitches: Identify the Eight Types of Office Mean Girls and Rise Above Workplace Nastiness

by Meredith Fuller

What do you do when the queen bee demands to know why you haven't written the report she never asked for? Or when the colleague who you thought was your friend takes sole credit for the project you worked on together?It's hard to speak out about catty behavior, especially when it's insidious or goes on behind your back. But you can usually sense when something's “off”-particularly if you're completely stressed out and hate the job you used to love. Let's face it, there are plenty of nasty, manipulative, and destructive women in the workplace who fly under the radar while ruthless alpha males get all the bad press.In Working with Bitches, psychologist Meredith Fuller offers practical advice on how to recognize and manage difficult women at work. Dr. Fuller combines actual cases with tips that women can use right away to defuse even the worst situations. Readers will learn how to deal with the eight types of “mean girls” they might face in the office and find powerful reassurance that they are not alone.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Psychology, Womens

273 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[Jaclyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a non-fiction book that explained how to deal with difficult women at work (AKA "work b1tches", which I'm going to call WBs from here on out). It first explained what a WB was, then explained the different types of them. Almost half the book was just explaining the different types of WBs, how to recognize them, why they acted the way they did, and suggested tips on how to deal with them. Then the book explained a bit more about personality types and the two main types of decision-makers.

I picked up this book after suffering through one too many run-ins with a WB. I didn't realize the problem was so common, but in Fuller's book, she explains it and it seems to be more commonplace that I initially thought. Even some of the examples of others suffering under a WB totally described me - at a time it got to be so bad that I dreaded going into work and putting up with the behavior, and I would stress out not knowing when I'd be lashed out at again. I became physically sick and would have anxiety attacks and actually be nauseous because of it, and I started to hate my job. I came across this book at the right time because it definitely helped me first to see that it wasn't just me in this situation, but also to understand more about the problem. I thought this book was really helpful to understand the different types of WBs out there, plus I found the tips on how to handle or deal with them really useful - they were tips you can use all the time in your daily life when coming across difficult people, male or female.

Parts of this book were pretty dry and wordy, and I also found it to be a bit repetitive at times. However, this book definitely helped me realize that my situation wasn't out of the ordinary, and I think the more you can understand about a person or a problem, the better prepared you are to deal with it, or maybe the more willing you are when you realize it's not necessarily you. I gave this 3 stars because while it was very helpful, at times it was also just a bit too boring and repetitive. It would be great to go back and skim this book and read only the applicable parts for a specific instance or WB, but reading it straight through from the beginning to the end was a bit of a chore at times.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was helpful in that it didn't just identify 8 types of office mean girls/bitches, but also had a section on women in the workplace and on how to care for yourself and manage workplace stress. Section 1 identifies the 8 types of mean girls/bitches at work, section 2 talked about female archetypes, head vs. heart thinking, and dealing with different generations and where each generational type is coming from, and the last section 3 talked about ways to cope with stress in the workplace. Overall, it was a helpful book and I especially liked section 2 that talked about other factors of women in the workplace. I am more of a head thinker and I've found that people can often think I'm a bitch because I don't come across super friendly and outgoing. I think this book was more thorough and helpful than another similar book I read called "Mean Girls at Work" by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster.

Some quotes I particularly liked:

"What I have found is that most bosses don't want friction and see this sort of thing as catty, bitchy behavior that they don't need to get involved in. They will not take the time to really look at what is happening and will usually take the word of a long-standing employee over someone new...It's as if it's too hard to fire someone who has made a work environment toxic. It really is a mistake on the boss's part. The company would function so much better if some of these jealous people were not part of it." (p. 99)

"Often bitches have the uncanny ability to identify people's fears; this is often how they are able to target the recipients of their bitchiness so well. For example, many bitches have a radar for selecting women who are unlikely to fight back." (p. 144)

[Ambrosia Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have worked with plenty of bitches in my time and it is nice to have a book that points out the different kinds. I have a better understanding of these women and why they act like they do thanks to this book. While for the most part it won't help me much in my current working situation it does help me not feel so hurt by those I have worked with in the past. I also think in the end it will help me be able to deal with any more bitches that I run across in the future in a better manner. It really is a problem that they have, not me. That is one thing you have to be able to tell yourself when working with women like this book points out, It really is not you.

[Liza · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative and accurate. Very funny but very real. These are the types of situation anyone and everyone can relate to.

[Tattooed Bibliophile · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was sent this book by a friend on Twitter who saw a post I made about the ladies in my office being, well, kind of mean to me for no reason, and she thought I would be interested in the book. And she was right, I bought it immediately. I'm not big into self help books, but I wanted something to help me win over the two women in my office so we could all get along and work as a team.

So about 1/4 of the way into this book I felt like the author should have made a differentiation between a "bitch" and "bitchy behavior." Because TBH, by this read, everyone I've ever met is a bitch, myself included. Not that I can't be an asshole. It's kind of a job requirement for me. But if you're more comfortable working with men because you've always worked in a male-centric workplace, bitch. Under a high amount of stress to get things done and push employees to pick up the slack? Bitch. Insecure in your new position because you've got impostor syndrome? You bitch.

But here's the thing. I get that you are only in control of your own behavior and no one else's. I get that sometimes no matter what you do, you won't be able to change someone's opinion of you. But a lot of this book was about how to emotionally deal with the stress of having women bully you in the workplace. More on that in a sec. I suppose maybe I was looking for a magical answer, a Dale Carnegie type deal about "how to make women like you." I've never really had that skill, but have always wanted it. I've just always been good at shutting down feelings at work, because that's the best way to deal with men. Women are a different story. And this book really didn't give me any insight on how to win them over.

Because it is possible. I've had lots of women dislike me in a new workplace. I'm shy around new people, have an unfortunate resting bitch face, and tend to get along with men easier. I also am a manager and often come in with a higher position than women older than me. But over time, they learn that I am not actually a bitch, I treat everyone with kindness and respect, and am really a weird and awkward person who does not threaten them in any way. After they get to know me, I'm generally ok. There are probably very few women out there who want to be labeled as the office bitch, I think it's more that they don't realize what they're doing. Nobody wants to be a bad person. So it is possible to win women over. It just takes time, and I was looking for something quicker.

Now let's talk about bullying. In the book, it differentiates bullying and bitchiness. And we all kind of inherently know the difference. Bullying is big and often forceful and loud. Bitchiness is quiet and insidious, "a thousand small cuts" instead of a big noticeable one. Bitchiness is making someone feel unwelcome and small, in tiny ways that feel too petty to complain about. Something that you know if you brought to HR that would reflect more poorly on you than the perpetrators. But the result is the same. So to me, it's still bullying, it's just harder to pinpoint.

This book is about dealing with the bitchiness form of bullying in the workplace by just dealing with it, not trying to change it. Maybe if this book was written like a Dale Carnegie book, "How To Win Women Over And Decrease Office Bitchiness," "The 14 Day Bitchy Cure," or something like that, it would have been more helpful to me, and I think more people would pick it up. Why? If anyone bitchy reads this book, they will immediately put it down, because they will recognize themselves as the enemy, and everyone is the hero of their own story. If it was geared more toward "bitchy behavior in the office and how to not be a part of it," I think it would do more toward curing the epidemic.

Of course it all goes back in the end to raising a generation of kids who recognize bullying and put a stop to it.

3 stars, it was ok, but not life changing.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book can help you identify a problem coworker, and ways to mitigate the issues affecting you in the workplace. My only criticism is that I think male coworkers are as capable of possessing these "bitchy" behaviors as women, and I wish the author (who is a legitimately trained psychologist) would have stated that, although maybe the coping techniques would not be quite the same.

[Gretchen Schott · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy & useful read. I appreciate Fuller's guidance for recognizing & coping with the types of behavior demonstrated by "mean girls". Applies well to girls in school who are struggling with peer & acceptance too. I highly recommend this book.

[Kyle Choma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good for understanding office politics.

[Holly S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful insight into working with women who bring problems to the workplace and act in unprofessional ways.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really do wish I'd read this years ago. Excellent advice on how to deal with difficult personalities in a professional manner and how to protect yourself in a work environment.

[Erin Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

MEH…

[Al · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve read other pieces of work from this author, and I have a lot of respect from their research and their point of view. This book I felt I had to labour to finish. It was a bit lengthy lotta good ideas and points. It could’ve just been a little more distinct for me, but I would recommend checking out otherbooks from this author as well.

[Candie Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Working with Bitches, psychologist Meredith Fuller offers practical advice on how to recognize and manage difficult women at work. Dr. Fuller combines actual cases with tips that women can use right away to defuse even the worst situations.

Shit, maybe its me... haha

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Break the cycle

This book dives into the challenging personalities often involved in office politics and how to manage them. You may learn a thing or two about yourself, too.

[Paul Doyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

INSIGHTFUL! Written about women by a woman for women. However, certainly also useful for men who have found themselves targeted by these kinds of people in the workplace.

[Kim Cross · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have recommend and given this book to others

This book has become so useful for me and helped me increase my professional abilities while helping others. Highly recommend.

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really interesting. The author breaks down the different types of the personality and the contributing factors. The author offers solutions to cope or break free from the bitch in your life.

[Beverly · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.7/5.

Very digestable book on dealing with difficult female coworkers. It also piqued my interest in psychology.

[Cagne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I put this in my pile years ago when my partner was experiencing trouble with a nosy coworker (who can still benefit from the burnout chapter), but I've dug it up recently when I had my own problems with a co-worker who could go beserk when I told her to cover her own responsibilities. Eventually downsizing fixed the problem for me, but the parts about giving feedback and handle greetings were insightful. I've even recognized some of my traits in the anxious b**h type and go wonder, the suggestion to handle me without problems is 'do your job'.

I prefer the previous title, Working with Mean Girls, because while maybe satisfying, it's frankly uncomfortable to be seen with the book, even if the author tries to give you permission to use the B-word, and I'm not even sure she was speaking to potential male readers. A bunch of the advice is really gender neutral anyway.

[Riccardo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably in the category of self help soft porn (see 5 types of people who can ruin your life), it is the type of easy reading book which tells you what you want to hear. There is a certain circular irony about a book that bitches about other bitches. Hence the philosophical quandry- "Is it being bitchy to bitch about someone elses bitching". The risk in such books is always that as the reader we fail to recognize that we are infact 'the bitch'. The book if nothing else is an immediate conversation starter. Leave it on your work desk for a week and see what happens.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fuller isn't bitching about bitches. Instead, she provides real tools for mapping destructive behavior patterns among females so you can protect yourself and your career. Instead of choosing between putting up with bitchy behaviors or leaving a workplace, use Fuller's practical advice to disarm those who are harming you.

[Aliya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven't read this book all the way through, but have gone over the main parts. It's helpful and puts things in perspective.

[Rebecca K-G · Rating 4 out of 5]

good info

[Sandra]

Always wondered what kind of WB I was.

[Michaela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read up until page 140, then started to lose interest

[Emylie]

I think this will help me evaluate some work relationships. The bits about Gen X and Gen Y work styles were particularly helpful.