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384 pages, ebook
First published July 11, 2024
𝅄 𓂃 𖥻 “How lucky am I that I get to love and be loved so effortlessly?” 𑇛 ˚
𓏲 ₊♡𓂃“Just think of this as one big game.” His tone is low and deep when he leans down to my ear and whispers, “C'mon wife. Play along.”⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚
❥𝓜𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼💭 ˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹
“So, who is she?”
On this day, where everything feels like a sign, I don't hesitate when I say, “My future wife.”
“Please try to be serious for once in your life. If we do this, I'm basically using you.”
“Sounds terrible. Please, Kennedy, use me all you want.”
She's so pretty and sometimes a little mean. It's a lethal combination for me.
“Well, I can't say the same about you. Average, I mean. The way you look in that dress...” I shake my head in disbelief. “You look like you're going to say something a little bit evil, break my heart, and I'll end up thanking you for it.”
“You're out of your mind if you think you're not exactly the kind of woman a man would want. Just because you're not comfortable with showing physical affection doesn't make you any less of a woman, Ken.”
“Remind me again why I married you.”
“Because you're obsessed with me. Remember?”
“I know. I see you, Kenny, even if you haven't been looking at me.”
Is that what it means to unequivocally care for another person? To want what's best for them even if it's going to hurt like a bitch to sit by and watch?
I want Kennedy to thrive in the position she trained for. I want her to get away from Dr. Fredrick. I want her to be comfortable in her own skin, to understand what it means to feel loved and cared for.
I just wish she could do all those things with me.
There's no denying it. I'm an absolute fool when it comes to this girl.
“For the last ten months, I thought I might have a real shot, so I've tried my fucking best. I've waited for you to see me, and I'd wait the rest of my life if I thought I ever had a real chance with you, but I don't. Do I? Never have.”
“God.” His exhale is full of agony. “Why can't you see it? Why can't you see me?”
“Go in, show off that big brain of yours, and be yourself. There's no way they're not going to love you the way that I l-” He stops himself.
My eyes go wide and his mirror them.
“Llllive, laugh, love you,” he finishes. “The way I live, laugh, love you.”
“Such a good girl for me,”
“Are you going to be a good boy for me?”
“… I'll be such a good boy for you, baby.”
“I remember every single thing about you, Kenny. In case you haven't figured it out already, you're my favorite subject to study.”
“Hey, Isaiah?”
“Yeah?”
“I live, laugh, love you too.”
“I like when you smile, Ken.”
“Me too.”
“Just for clarification, I think you're stunning all of the time, but happy looks real fucking good on you.”
“Because you're worth more than how you've been treated the last three years, and I love you enough to make sure you know that. I love you enough to make sure you start living up to your potential.”
But I'm tired of it. I'm exhausted from trying to convince others that I'm unbreakable. That I'm the fun one who doesn't get too worked up about life, doesn't take anything too seriously.
I am breakable, and I'm currently at my breaking point.
Yes, I want her to have a choice, but that doesn't mean I'm not entirely desperate for her to choose me.
Speaking of lucky.
How lucky am I that I get to call him mine?
How was there ever a day that I wasn't completely and utterly gone for this guy?
There are a lot of things I learned in our time together, but the biggest lesson my husband taught me is what it feels like to be loved for the first time in my life.
I'll never be able to thank him enough for being unwavering in his feelings for me, but I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure he feels as safe and secure with me as he's made me feel with him.
But falling in love with Isaiah wasn't a big, planned event. It was buying toothbrushes and providing food when I was too busy to eat. It was his mother's ring and eating dinner together in a booth at Chili's.
It was his patience and unwavering commitment to show me my importance in his life.
How lucky am I that I get to love and be loved so effortlessly?
“The good things in your life are there because of you. You are good and smart and capable and so fucking deserving, Kenny. Yes, I've known all that for years, but I think for the first time ever, you're finally seeing it for yourself.”
𓏲 ₊♡𓂃“The way I live, laugh, love you.”⋆𓂃ִֶָ ⊹˚
”I live, laugh, love you.”
”I remember every single thing about you, Kenny. In case you haven’t figured it out already, you’re my favorite subject to study.”
“her last name is rhodes. now get your fucking hands off my wife.”
“i should warn you, ken, i like it when you’re mean. it does something to me.”
“i married the girl i’ve been obsessed with for years.”
“i’m not worried about other women.”
“c’mon wife. play along.”
“watch your fucking words when you’re speaking to my wife.”
“why can’t you see it? why can’t you see me?”
“it’s about time you get on your knees for me. i’ve spent the last three years on mine for you.”
It’s as if all this time together, I’ve been practicing to be good enough for
someone to want me, and he’s been here all along, waiting.
Her eyes are wild. “Then you should’ve told me no!”
“When have I ever been able to say no to you?!”
She’s so pretty and sometimes a little mean. It’s a lethal combination for me.
The rarely serious Isaiah tends to be very serious when it comes to his confidence in me.
“And it doesn’t bother you that I can’t really stand you most of the
time?” There’s a playful glint in his brown eyes. “I think that’s what I like most about you.”
“Thanks for marrying me, baby.”
“It was the best mistake I ever made.”
“I married the girl I’ve been obsessed with for years.”
“I’ve never, not once, been looked at the way my husband looks at me. Wanted. Important. Devastating to his life plans.”
“Have I told you lately how much I dislike you?”
“Mmm,” he hums. “I should warn you, Ken, I like it when you’re mean. It does something to me.”
“I remember every single thing about you, Kenny. In case you haven’t figured it out already, you’re my favorite subject to study.”
“I live, laugh, love you.”
“You live, laugh, love me?” “God, so fucking much.”