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Separate Things: A Memoir
This is not your average messiness. But this is Ashley Berry’s life.
In Separate Things, Ashley fumbles through life, graying up the parts that are so intensely black and white, while learning that molding herself into this “normal” world is not the same as living in it. Never hiding from the stigma, she voices her opinions to others in order to help them understand that being slightly nutty can look different on everyone.
Running from a flood of mental illnesses, Ashley shares her raw, intimate journals from psychiatric stays, moments trying to find the sunlight, and the callous feeling of not wanting to be here anymore.
Peeing in foam cups and ruminating for hours about catching pedophilia is just a tiny glimpse into her sometimes manic life. She shares her stories in a very direct way that will only make you feel more compassionate to those who are touched by this light.
In Separate Things, Ashley fumbles through life, graying up the parts that are so intensely black and white, while learning that molding herself into this “normal” world is not the same as living in it. Never hiding from the stigma, she voices her opinions to others in order to help them understand that being slightly nutty can look different on everyone.
Running from a flood of mental illnesses, Ashley shares her raw, intimate journals from psychiatric stays, moments trying to find the sunlight, and the callous feeling of not wanting to be here anymore.
Peeing in foam cups and ruminating for hours about catching pedophilia is just a tiny glimpse into her sometimes manic life. She shares her stories in a very direct way that will only make you feel more compassionate to those who are touched by this light.
372 pages, Paperback
Published October 20, 2023
39 people are currently reading
3633 people want to read
About the author
Ashley Marie Berry
1 book82 followersKnown for her raw but inviting essays, Ashley Marie Berry captures the intricacies of everyday life while living with a flood of mental illnesses. She openly shares her intimate journals from psychiatric stays, moments trying to find the sunlight, and the callous feeling of not wanting to be here anymore. Peeing in foam cups and ruminating for hours about catching pedophilia is just a tiny glimpse into her sometimes manic life. She shares her stories in a very direct way that will only make you feel more compassionate to those who are touched by this light. She wrote Separate Things: A Memoir, to help others like herself, allowing empathy to flow through her words.
Find Ashley on Facebook (facebook.com/separatethingsmemoir) and Instagram (@separate_things_memoir).
Find Ashley on Facebook (facebook.com/separatethingsmemoir) and Instagram (@separate_things_memoir).
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
April 17, 2025
There is no part of me that isn't in here.
I'm inviting you in.
Into my thoughts, into my compulsions, into my voice.
This is a raw but inviting look into a world I wasn't built for, and that wasn't built for me.
My diagnosis makes some people uncomfortable. These people make me feel uncomfortable.
I separate the 'us' who are touched by this light, and 'the others' who have yet to understand why we are separate.
I hope this book will bridge the gap.
I'm inviting you in.
Into my thoughts, into my compulsions, into my voice.
This is a raw but inviting look into a world I wasn't built for, and that wasn't built for me.
My diagnosis makes some people uncomfortable. These people make me feel uncomfortable.
I separate the 'us' who are touched by this light, and 'the others' who have yet to understand why we are separate.
I hope this book will bridge the gap.
December 12, 2023
From whatever perspective you read Separate Things, it is a remarkable book. If you too have OCD, as I do, its fierce honesty is both refreshing and agonizing. If you have a friend or relative who suffers from OCD, you may, finally, get a glimpse into the terrifying world they struggle with every day and find greater patience and understanding in your efforts to provide them with help and support. And if you are simply interested in OCD from a psychological or intellectual perspective, here it is, laid out for you from the inside by an insider.
Sometimes the use of “us” is used as a way to divide humanity into hostile camps, to weaponize identity and justify prejudice. Us and them. But here Berry’s use of “us” (vs “outsiders”) is a door into the intimate hell that those who are not one of “us” cannot access, or at least without a lot of help. And that is precisely what Berry does – this is a story about “us” by “us.”
Using a string of loosely chronological sketches from her life, we see her OCD play out in increasingly destructive and limiting ways, from early horror of warts and contamination to weeks in mental wards when her OCD (enhanced by bipolarity) has grabbed the wheel to the point she is no longer functional.
This is all written in superb prose, lean, often beautiful, and unnervingly effective. Abstract terrors are neither ignored nor simplified; Berry instead presents them in all their irrational, unreasonable bafflement, combining straight prose with poetic images, discursive thoughts, mad dashes into and out of sanity.
This, she says, is the way it is folks, at least for me. And we believe her.
Despite the backdrop of emotional and psychological agony, Berry is never the victim. The sufferer, yes, but she is always seeking to get better, to be better. And she bows with gratitude to those who have worked so hard to help, most prominently her mother, whose unwavering love and support is woven throughout the book. (Berry writes, “The uncertainty, the hopelessness – you made it bearable.”) But there are others – her psychiatrist (“Thank you for being the one to save me more than once), friends in and outside of mental wards, her husband, and her daughter.
There are villains too, of course, but even they are generally viewed more with disappointment than bitterness, their failures, insensitivities, and damaging behaviour due more to being “outsiders” than malicious.
Courage is the theme of this book. Not only in the author’s dedication to fighting her disease -- no matter how debilitating, no matter how hopeless or devastating -- with every means available to her, but also in her decision to write an account of OCD with such unsparing honesty.
As dark as the book can be, Berry’s courage surges through it like a silver thread. We know from page one that this woman is not a quitter. She is not going to give up.
That doesn’t mean that by the end all is resolved amicably and the author lives happily ever after. That’s not how OCD (or life for that matter) works. What we do get instead is far more – more honest, more courageous, more real, more hopeful: “We run together, always toward the light, for I’ve conquered survival mode. Now it’s time to live.”
Sometimes the use of “us” is used as a way to divide humanity into hostile camps, to weaponize identity and justify prejudice. Us and them. But here Berry’s use of “us” (vs “outsiders”) is a door into the intimate hell that those who are not one of “us” cannot access, or at least without a lot of help. And that is precisely what Berry does – this is a story about “us” by “us.”
Using a string of loosely chronological sketches from her life, we see her OCD play out in increasingly destructive and limiting ways, from early horror of warts and contamination to weeks in mental wards when her OCD (enhanced by bipolarity) has grabbed the wheel to the point she is no longer functional.
This is all written in superb prose, lean, often beautiful, and unnervingly effective. Abstract terrors are neither ignored nor simplified; Berry instead presents them in all their irrational, unreasonable bafflement, combining straight prose with poetic images, discursive thoughts, mad dashes into and out of sanity.
This, she says, is the way it is folks, at least for me. And we believe her.
Despite the backdrop of emotional and psychological agony, Berry is never the victim. The sufferer, yes, but she is always seeking to get better, to be better. And she bows with gratitude to those who have worked so hard to help, most prominently her mother, whose unwavering love and support is woven throughout the book. (Berry writes, “The uncertainty, the hopelessness – you made it bearable.”) But there are others – her psychiatrist (“Thank you for being the one to save me more than once), friends in and outside of mental wards, her husband, and her daughter.
There are villains too, of course, but even they are generally viewed more with disappointment than bitterness, their failures, insensitivities, and damaging behaviour due more to being “outsiders” than malicious.
Courage is the theme of this book. Not only in the author’s dedication to fighting her disease -- no matter how debilitating, no matter how hopeless or devastating -- with every means available to her, but also in her decision to write an account of OCD with such unsparing honesty.
As dark as the book can be, Berry’s courage surges through it like a silver thread. We know from page one that this woman is not a quitter. She is not going to give up.
That doesn’t mean that by the end all is resolved amicably and the author lives happily ever after. That’s not how OCD (or life for that matter) works. What we do get instead is far more – more honest, more courageous, more real, more hopeful: “We run together, always toward the light, for I’ve conquered survival mode. Now it’s time to live.”
January 12, 2024
I read this book in one day. The way she explains her feelings with each disorder is courageous and clear. I've read a lot of bipolar memoirs, ( i have bipolar disorder) and this is right up there with "the gorilla and the bird" and others. I do not have OCD but i feel like i have a better understanding of it after reading this memoir. I felt like i was right beside her as she's untangling herself. I love her added bits of humour throughout the book. This is a real and intentional look into these disorders. There were so many parts that i could relate to, and the ones i couldn't i felt a strong sense of empathy for her. I highly recommend this book if you're struggling, or if someone you know is struggling with any mental illness.
April 28, 2024
Wow! This book left me stunned so many times. I don’t know how one person can handle all that she does. It would be so hard to live with these debilitating illnesses. Just the fact that she continues on each day makes her a fighter. I’m glad she has good support in her life, her mom is amazing, husband is wonderful, blessed with a beautiful daughter. But wow, she really gave us a good education on ocd. I now know the importance of being more sensitive if someone makes a request that might seem strange to me - perhaps they’re grasping with something so monumental I can’t even comprehend.
January 16, 2024
I read on recommendation because we share the same triad of chronic illness. This book was a wonderful surprise. She managed to give the usually unexplainable feelings a voice and provided great comfort in her brave self-exposure. I was often moved by her struggles, and always appreciative of her storytelling. Whether you are one of us, or someone supporting a loved one that struggles, there is inspiration to be found here.
March 28, 2024
An Important read.
January 12, 2024
Separate Things is an amazing account of someone living with mental illness. It is so very cleverly and uniquely written, I can't even describe it.. I just thoroughly appreciated it, through-and-through.
There's no way to portray the way you really connect with the author in just one quote. 💗 But, here is a snippet or two that I think capture her unique tone/voice/use of words:
"I filter my thoughts before I speak to you and your family. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't think you deserve the beauty of my inner voice." 💗🦋 (Pg 100)
"I wasn't saying it didn't happen like that, but all of that was included in the chunks of time that had gone missing from my brain. They dropped out somewhere. And if they were round, they would have rolled away. So I was hoping they were bricks or heavy so they stayed in the same spot. I just needed to retrace my steps, if only I could remember where I'd been." 🧱 (Pg 283)
Wonderfully written, Ashley Marie Berry 💖
📖 Mental illnesses mentioned: OCD, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, dermatillomania, and probably others that I forgot.
📖 Trigger warnings: Very relatable accounts of depression and other symptoms/disorders, mention of self harm and sui thoughts (but no graphic details), mention of pedophilia (but no details), incident of domestic violence.
There's no way to portray the way you really connect with the author in just one quote. 💗 But, here is a snippet or two that I think capture her unique tone/voice/use of words:
"I filter my thoughts before I speak to you and your family. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't think you deserve the beauty of my inner voice." 💗🦋 (Pg 100)
"I wasn't saying it didn't happen like that, but all of that was included in the chunks of time that had gone missing from my brain. They dropped out somewhere. And if they were round, they would have rolled away. So I was hoping they were bricks or heavy so they stayed in the same spot. I just needed to retrace my steps, if only I could remember where I'd been." 🧱 (Pg 283)
Wonderfully written, Ashley Marie Berry 💖
📖 Mental illnesses mentioned: OCD, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, dermatillomania, and probably others that I forgot.
📖 Trigger warnings: Very relatable accounts of depression and other symptoms/disorders, mention of self harm and sui thoughts (but no graphic details), mention of pedophilia (but no details), incident of domestic violence.
April 18, 2024
⭐️5⭐️
Wow, what a powerful memoir. In her memoir, Ashley summarizes her experiences with relationships and mental illness in a way that is realistic and tangible.
The memoir reads in a way that it actually feels you are immersed in Ashley’s thoughts and is extremely realistic, so much that at times it’s hard to read what all she goes through. It really throws you headfirst into her story.
I really enjoyed that the majority of the chapters are written as the “you” perspective to a variety of different individuals who have shaped her life in some way, either positively or negatively. This made it so much more immersive.
The prose woven throughout the book is descriptive and poetic and at times, pieces of this are so emotionally resonant that they read more like poetry.
Due to the nature of the experiences, heavy trigger warnings. OCD and its various triggers and obsession/compulsions, mental illness, hospitalization, assault, etc. If you have sensitivity to the triggers or subjects, please read with caution, as the narrative is very vivid and detailed.
Thank you to the author for providing a review copy to The Book Review Crew blog to provide our honest review.
Wow, what a powerful memoir. In her memoir, Ashley summarizes her experiences with relationships and mental illness in a way that is realistic and tangible.
The memoir reads in a way that it actually feels you are immersed in Ashley’s thoughts and is extremely realistic, so much that at times it’s hard to read what all she goes through. It really throws you headfirst into her story.
I really enjoyed that the majority of the chapters are written as the “you” perspective to a variety of different individuals who have shaped her life in some way, either positively or negatively. This made it so much more immersive.
The prose woven throughout the book is descriptive and poetic and at times, pieces of this are so emotionally resonant that they read more like poetry.
Due to the nature of the experiences, heavy trigger warnings. OCD and its various triggers and obsession/compulsions, mental illness, hospitalization, assault, etc. If you have sensitivity to the triggers or subjects, please read with caution, as the narrative is very vivid and detailed.
Thank you to the author for providing a review copy to The Book Review Crew blog to provide our honest review.
December 29, 2023
This memoir was recommended to me by a friend knowing that i have a daughter with Bipolar disorder and OCD. I read it in 9 hours.
This was a very in depth look at what living with bipolar and OCD actually looks like, not what the movies are showing, or when people say 'i'm a little OCD'-- reading this i realize how offensive it is to say this, and how controlling OCD can be.
The use of the second person narrative in each chapter is brilliant. It pulled me into each story. I laughed and i cried, but in the end i came out with a deeper knowledge of what my child is going through and how I can help her.
Her descriptive thoughts and the way she painted a picture of how her mind works was very raw and intimate. I don't want to say intriguing because i feel for her, but by the end of the book i felt like i had a window into her soul.
I would recommend this for anyone who is suffering from these disorders, or anyone who loves someone with these disorders. It definitely brings a new light to mental illnesses in general.
This was a very in depth look at what living with bipolar and OCD actually looks like, not what the movies are showing, or when people say 'i'm a little OCD'-- reading this i realize how offensive it is to say this, and how controlling OCD can be.
The use of the second person narrative in each chapter is brilliant. It pulled me into each story. I laughed and i cried, but in the end i came out with a deeper knowledge of what my child is going through and how I can help her.
Her descriptive thoughts and the way she painted a picture of how her mind works was very raw and intimate. I don't want to say intriguing because i feel for her, but by the end of the book i felt like i had a window into her soul.
I would recommend this for anyone who is suffering from these disorders, or anyone who loves someone with these disorders. It definitely brings a new light to mental illnesses in general.
December 27, 2023
This book gave me an inside look at what my partner is going through. The author really digs into the shame often associated with mental illnesses. I like the way she separates ‘us’ from ‘the outsiders’ because it shows that there is still a big gap between how we think of the mentally ill. I laughed at how honest she can be in her day-to-day life, never shying away from the stigma. A must read for anyone who is suffering from a mental illness, and for anyone who knows someone that is struggling. I bought an extra copy for a friend who I know will be inspired by Ashley’s story.
April 29, 2025
good memoir about mental health. a bit all over the place but I believe that was the point.
June 4, 2024
What a well written story giving you the POV of someone that is mentally ill. You always wonder what is going through someone’s mind that has OCD or bipolar. It’s amazing to be able to read it and try to understand it a little. I’ll definitely have more empathy for others.
September 22, 2024
Good representation of OCD but also had it’s triggering moments as someone who has struggled with that. I could feel myself becoming overly conscious of my surroundings while reading this. I’m glad it had a therapeutic and reasonably happy ending
October 7, 2024
This book was interesting at times but it seems like it was just all over the place. It took me forever to figure out who "you" was. To be fair the author does say that there's no rhyme or reason to the placement of the chapters. Sometimes you get lost in her words and other times it's hard to get through. I found myself just wanting to get to the end of the book towards the end.
March 24, 2025
This is a gut wrenching, incredibly honest book that was both compelling and hard to read at times, for it's brutal honesty. Berry's experiences with domestic violence, and mental health (the central theme of the book) is searing. Her descriptions are unflinching and more revealing than anything else I've read on the topic. I appreciated her ability to not blink––the book often reading like a stream of consciousness––but this same aspect was hard to read at times. The narrative is unrelenting; there is little opportunity for the reader to break from the trauma and depth of her experiences; that is probably the point, and is done flawlessly.
December 27, 2023
A very real look into the world of mental discomfort. I was worried that it would be too dark...but the way she includes what she calls 'the little bits of sunlight' i couldn't put it down. I could really relate to what she was going through. It feels like she didn't leave anything out. I would recommend this book to anyone with Bipolar Disorder, OCD, BPD or anxiety. I have a better understanding of the disorders from the way she explains each one. It would be a good read for family members of those who are suffering.
January 12, 2024
This was a very different writing style that i wasn't sure i was going to like but it pulled me in. Every chapter is written to someone different on her winding path. She lays out her mental mishaps so it's easier for us 'outsiders' to understand. She has a willing sense of humour and her voice is very clear in this memoir. I saw that someone else wrote that it was raw, and it is definitely that. She opens you up into her world of mental illnesses and takes you on her journey. I'd recommend this to anyone who is trying to understand their family member or partner who is what she calls in the book 'touched by this light'. Looking forward to reading more from her.
January 22, 2025
not a fan of stream of consciousness writing
While it was insightful to see life from the perspective of a person with mental health issues, I was not a fan of the writing style
While it was insightful to see life from the perspective of a person with mental health issues, I was not a fan of the writing style
June 10, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and thought it was very relatable. The chapter titles took me a minute to figure out, but each chapter she is speaking to a different person in her life.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews