How to Date a Foreigner: A Proven Framework to Help You Navigate Cultural Differences in Dating

by Sylvia Halter

From one of the world’s experts in cross-cultural psychology, comes an award-winning debut, How to Date a Foreigner, that will help you navigate the rapidly growing international dating scene.

When it comes to international dating, we often just hope we will figure it out, but wouldn’t it be easier if there was a “recipe”? Due to the increasing number of travelers, foreign exchange students, and over 280 million international migrants worldwide with different cultures, religions, politics, and beliefs, dating is far from universal.

In How to Date a Foreigner, Sylvia Halter takes us on a fascinating journey through the different mindsets and beliefs around the world, which results in four distinctively different dating styles.

Every dating style has a vastly different way of thinking and seeing the world, leading to countless misunderstandings. For example, “being official” in one culture might not even mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend in another. Or men start chasing after sex in some cultures, while they disappear for several weeks in others.

Due to many of these misunderstandings, dating and relationships can often feel frustrating. You are not on the same page, but you do not even realize it.
In How to Date a Foreigner, Halter takes this complex topic and breaks it down into a clear and easy-to-follow system.

Whether you are looking for love abroad, dating a foreigner or have been married to one for years, read this book to:
• Learn about the four dating styles.
• Understand the differences among their dating stages.
• Discover your own mindsets and beliefs in comparison to other cultures.
• Avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

With its proven framework, How to Date a Foreigner leads the way in explaining cultural differences in dating and provides a first-of-its-kind guidebook to navigating them with ease. Ultimately, international dating should be fun and enjoyable and not paved with obstacles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Sociology, Self Help, Relationships, Romance, Cultural

312 pages, Hardcover

First published October 22, 2024

About the author

Sylvia Halter is a Hungarian-British author, speaker, and entrepreneur. She is one of the world's experts in cross-cultural psychology specializing in international dating and relationships.

After growing up in Budapest, Hungary, she studied in Oxford and Paris, and in 2016, left to travel around the world. From the bustling cities of London, Sydney, and San Francisco to some of the most remote hill tribes in Northern Vietnam, she has been researching cultural differences in dating for over half a decade.

She speaks at colleges, universities, and conferences, helping people navigate cultural differences in their relationships and professional lives.

Reviews

[Nadja Iversen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was chosen as one of the lucky ones to read an advanced copy of this book and I really enjoyed it!

Having studied a lot around culture and globalization, this book offers a new angle - about dating and the differences in dating styles. For me it is also interesting, since I am Danish and my partner is Brazilian and obviously has a lot of cultural differences in our relationship. This book really helps me understand why and have given us some really interesting talks over the last week. Sometimes it’s hard to describe and understand the differences, but this book really helped putting words to it. So for that reason, I’m really grateful to have read the book.

It is an easy read and I love how Sylvia incorporated many examples from intercultural couples. I could read a thousand pages of these examples because most of them are super relatable. And furthermore, there isn’t really any data out there about this topic! I hope Sylvia will continue to write about this topic and perhaps dig deeper into some things. After having read this book, I see many possibilities for writing more about this and going in different directions - and I would love to read more about it!

Congratulations with your book Sylvia! Thank you for writing about this topic.

[Cav · Rating 3 out of 5]

"...If you want to have a shot at making intercultural relationships work, it is important to understand how your prospective partner thinks. It will feel like having superpowers in your back pocket! But if you don’t, get ready for a wild ride of never-ending miscommunication.
With this book, I hope I can help you avoid many misunderstandings and make intercultural relationships work for you."

I wasn't sure what to expect from How to Date a Foreigner. I love reading about culture and social psychology, and this one is a bit different from the typical books I read, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

[NOTE: I was offered an ARC of this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review]

Author Sylvia Halter is a Hungarian-British writer, speaker, and entrepreneur. She is one of the world's experts in cross-cultural psychology specializing in international dating and relationships.

Sylvia Halter:


Halter writes with a decently engaging style here, and this one shouldn't have trouble holding the reader's attention.
She makes a note of the source material in the book with this quote:

"Before we deep dive into it, let me share with you what I did and bdidn’t do. The primary source of data for this book is the seven years of research I did between 2016-2023. I conducted interviews with over a hundred people in London, San Francisco, New Zealand, Hungary, Germany, Portugal, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, and Taiwan. In the beginning, these were very ordinary interviews as I didn’t have any knowledge of dating cultures – I was in the dark.
However, as I started to gain more and more awareness, these interviews got a lot deeper and more personal. For this reason, whenever people shared their experiences with me, I promised them anonymity. Consequently, following best practice in qualitative social science research, all the names of those whose stories I tell are pseudonyms.
To expand my reach beyond those cities, my assistant, Maria Nosyk, did an outstanding job helping me. She gathered information from all around the world through several Facebook groups. She collected hundreds of quality responses – many of which you will find throughout the book. Without her dedication, this book would not be where it is today. Huge thanks to Maria and everyone who contributed with their valuable feedback!"

There's an interesting bit of writing early on about the differences in accountability for one's mistakes between Asian and Western countries:


Although quite a lot of the book's writing was interesting, I didn't really like the formatting. I felt that there were some pretty sizable structural problems with its overall presentation. There are countless boxes of hypertext spliced into the book, and many, many flow charts, as well as other assorted graphical accouterments added in. This had the effect of muddying most of the broader story.

IMHO, the book needed better narrative continuity to ensure a smoother flow. This is likely a subjective thing, as I am admittedly very picky about how readable my books are...

Some more of what is covered in the book includes:
1. Who has the power?
2. The male gaze
3. Playing hard to get
4. The dating “dilemma”
5. Communication
6. Dating etiquette
7. Feeling rejected (when you’re NOT)

********************

How to Date a Foreigner was still a somewhat fun short read. I would recommend it to anyone interested.
3.5 stars.

[K.T. ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

i was offered a complimentary advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. and i have to say, i wish i had read this book earlier!

having been abroad for almost 6 years, i was still pleasantly surprised by the cultural insights, particularly in the foreign dating scene which the book provides. my favourite part is when the author covers four main styles of dating and structures them with such easy-to-follow examples in real life. i also enjoyed how the book encompasses multiple interviews with people from several walks of life and religions, from western to eastern cultures.

further academic research into this topic with more recent statistics would make the book even more informative in my opinion. overall, i am glad to have had the opportunity to read this one, and would recommend it to people who already, want to, or simply are genuinely interested in having intercultural relationships.

actual rating: 4.4/5☆

[Anastasia Kaperis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love it, love it, love it!

I had a great chance to meet Sylvia in person and hearing her talking about the book made me double exciting to read it. Totally recommend it not only for the people who are dating foreigners but also for general understanding. Because even being supposedly from the same culture, hierarchical society etc. which should help you in dating “naturally” by the unspoken rules I still had a feeling that guys are playing games with me and now I understood why.

I had so many moments from this book - like “yes, isn’t this obvious?”, “isn’t this how all people supposed to date and built the relationships?” and they where all from the part when Sylvia explained what’s dating like in Eastern European countries(where I am from). But duhhhh, if we are so different in mentality, in culture, religion, politics and many more why shall we date the same way? And Sylvia explains this very well by using stories of real people backed up by tons of research and meticulous work.

[Paola Lozano · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advanced reader copy for an honest review

After being an expat for 16 years, I did identify myself with lots of situations mentioned in the book. I really enjoyed reading about different dating styles across the globe. I didn't agree 100% on everything, but overall, it is a pretty good summary. It gave me a new perspective on dating other nationalities and cultures

[Jan · Rating 2 out of 5]

[Early release book provided in exchange for an honest review]

If you are the type who enjoyed 'The Culture Map' or similar, but are hoping for something that applies specifically to dating (note: dating only,  not romantic relationships in general) and a very simple starting point, you might find this book useful. As someone who has lived internationally and dated outside my culture for over 15 years, I found it stating many things that seem obvious to me now, but I suppose that, in and of itself, should be an endorsement. However, I also found the book overly simplistic, without accounting for important modern influences and cultural changes, and highlighting some problematic dynamics without advice on how to navigate them. It seems to me that it is more of a pop-culture approach while claiming expertise without the critical thinking nor rigor.

This is the first time I've seen someone try to codify international dating approaches and capture what many have understood intuitively into an easily communicated structure. However, from the start, the author, Silvia Halter, seems to be approaching her dating life as a sociological study, rather than an opportunity to get to know another person and start a relationship, which felt either inauthentic/constructed or just simply strange. In my experience, we date to discover people, not to analyse how we date. By page 10, it becomes clear that Halter plans to launch an "ecosystem" of coaching and affiliates with this book as a springboard (an "award winning book" that hasnt even been released yet). Halter, a self-proclaimed "expert" in cross-cultural psychology - for now, doesn't seem to have much of an online presence nor m/any recognisable credentials/research publications - it seems nowadays many people are claiming to be "experts" in whatever and selling "how-to"-coaching all over the Internet.

Halter introduces us to her "culture z spectrum" model. This model is thinly explained, with limited evidence, references, charts, etc, but equally, it's easy to understand in its simplicity. Supposedly, she has done a lot of qualitative and quantitative research of her own, however shares none and often quotes pop culture references, cites public Quora and YouTube comments, social media and a "comms consultant" from TED Talks, rather than her own supposedly substantial and credible research base. Rather than citing Meyers Brigs Type Indicator (MBTI) directly, a globally recognised personality test, she cites some random website. Anyone who works with data regularly would naturally look for further detail on the "studies" she discusses (without references), as well as her own data analysis approach, before assuming credibility. Fundamentally, data may not "lie", but intepretation certainly can be subjective, especially without accountability. Throughout the book, where provided, the charts and diagrams are so simplistic that they feel like an obvious attempt to space out the text for readability. I suppose that anyone who will believe an "expert" just because they say they are an expert, will not care to dig in, but I think it's a shame that she doesn't take a more rigorous approach for those who apply a sceptical eye, because I think some of her work could be valuable, even if it's missing depth.

That said, the author clearly explains her conclusions about dating and cultures, (even if the way she presents her "evidence" casts a credibility question), and in my personal experience, some (not all) points feel accurate - both about the culture I grew up within, as well as I one I live in now, which is different.

However, Halter lumps many cultures together, which causes a loss of important nuance - for example, many studies prove there remains a measurable unequal split of housework and childcare between genders in the UK/USA (causing loudly debated friction), but not in the Nordic countries, however, Halter lumps all Western cultures together claiming the genders split this equally and this is a signal of equality in Western cultures. Some of the conclusions that she follows with remain more controversy than fact.

This book is very stereotypical - very heterosexual, very heteronormative (i.e. man as head of househouse and  if woman embraces this role, she is empowering him), implies everyone is persuing a monogamous relationship, and in my eyes, is therefore overly simplistic within the modern Western dating reality (but I suppose the author had to make choices of what to include/exclude). It doesnt touch gay relationship dynamics at all (only claiming at the beginning that they are the same as hetero, which credible behavioural studies and even life experience will tell you is untrue and also means the book's heavily gendered view can not be applied), nor acknowledge any current evolution of gender roles, education, earning power, changing of expectations by (or even tensions within) younger generations, the psychological influence of dating apps, all of which I recognise. It doesn't address anything about gender or sexual violence as a behavioural influence, nor does it account for foriegners who were shaped by multiple cultures - for example, who may be the children of origin-country-tradition-maintaining immigrants, but they themselves have embraced their new culture. I found the "gendered" (masc/fem) cultural categories (e.g. emotions = female character trait) a very dated way to categorize cultural groups, in a world where Western cultures are trying to reduce "toxic masculinity" behaviour by encouraging men to be more communicative and express healthy emotions. While I appreciate the importance of reflecting the world as it is right now, I also think it's important to reflect the direction of change (or lack thereof - in this case there are some contradictions) and enable the reader to both succeed and grow via the author's advice.

For the topic of sex within Western cultures, the author often reduces men to little more than sex-persuers, while women are sex-resisters and claims that, by resisting, women maintain their power over men. However, Halter further claims that once a woman "gives in" (already disempowering phrasing) to sex she loses her power, however if a woman makes a man wait, he seeks it elsewhere (so, we should think she never had the power anyway..?)... then the author claims that in a "masculine" Western culture, if a woman flirts, then men see her as "up for it" without commitment, but she should somehow use sexual access in order to secure his interest - but also, this can't be guaranteed because maybe she has sex, but the man isn't authentically interested in a relationship with her. Meanwhile, men from "feminine" Western cultures are also actively pursuing sex, seducing with their words (manipulation?) and women somehow find their own sexiness empowering, but in this context, a woman should flirt to show interest, but not actually have sex until the man is in love, but after sex the man will disappear and then come back. Confused? Seems that women's sexual currency (as the book positions it) is worthless regardless of what they do? Yea, seems to me too. Well, the book's "advice" on how to navigate this "dating dilemna" is just as useless and confusing. This also makes this section feel like it's subtly directed towards women -- implying that women should learn to manipulate men to achieve a relationship,  while lacking any expectation that men should evolve and change their approach. which for me feels both stereotypical and problematic (see books like "The Rules") while also being unrealistic in today's dating app world.

The book reiterates dating tropes so famous that they need no reiteration (e.g. wait 3 days before communicating, at least 3 dates before sex, woman to allow man to order food for her, etc), but without any further advice... so you probably could learn this by watching local TV, and no advice  more sophisticated nor modern is offered.

All in all,  I think this book is a very simple foundation, but the reader needs to bring their own critical thinking, see it as an interesting starting point (not fact) and add their own nuance based on actual experience (the point is to go out and date, right?!?). In order to "reduce the gamble of love", I'd be concerned that people might use the information in this book to simply eliminate those potential partners whose approach is different (which is prejudice based on stereotypes), rather than seek to open mindedly explore and understand, reflect on their own cultural approach and flex their own style, rather than simply trying to align with a similarly shaped puzzle piece. Further, the book offers no advice on having a successful relationship after the dating phase, which is arguably the longer and more rich/complex part.

[Marjury Alicia Polanco · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure and was lucky by being able to read an ARC of it and so far I can tell this book has actually solved a lot of questions and mysteries I've gone through dating people from my country as well as some foreigners in their country.

Sometimes I used to feel out of place culturally because my identity is influenced by my mother's culture, she is from El Salvador and emigrated to Guatemala, so I was born and raised in Guatemala, I also reside here. Thus, there was always something not fitting in when I was dating in my country, then I got more confused when I met people from around the world at international student events in Europe and Russia, and even though we were all able to communicate in English as a standard language, there was still something missing when trying to understand each other, so the best approach I found back then was to ask them how it is dating in their culture. (I have always been so deeply interested in having friends from everywhere in the world and dating people from other countries teaches you amazing things...)

Now that I've read this amazing book 'How to date a foreigner' it helped me understand all the gaps I couldn't know of before, and I am aware this one would've helped me a lot in 2017 when I was first immersed with people from 185 contries!

In fact, this book has helped me understand my pros and cons of dating and getting to know people from other parts of the world. I now understand how my relationship with the handsome guy from the Netherlands made me realized what I wanted in life, and also understand now why my relationship with my Italian ex-boyfriend didn't work even though I was learning his language...

Besides, I found quite interesting the graphs and examples given throughout the book, they pretty much clarified every explanation provided. It is very interesting how one's culture and identity, as well as the place you were and are currently surrounded by can actually influence your goals in life, specially in dating...

On the other hand, I understand now my dating style, and I also know why the last guy I was dating with we didn't quite get in sync even though we were from the same country. We had both dated and met people out of our homeland, so we both were influenced in a different way on dating styles and preference we now have.

Hence, I've been talking a lot about this book to my family and friends because I think this is a deeper research the author, Sylvia Halter, has put down into paper and/or e-reading. I had never really ever read a book that speaks so openly about how our world is so different and similar when it comes to culture and getting to know people, and I honestly think this book can give you a wider and better perspective on what to expect even if you are just looking forward to traveling to a country you're interested on. 💖💫

[Ivan Acosta · Rating 5 out of 5]

So THAT'S why I'm single 🤦🏻‍♂️

Joking! This book is very useful to figure out the quirks and differences between dating styles. That's very useful when you're an immigrant and/or live in a very touristic city.

[Johny Wuijts · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a good book that contains a lot of information about dating. A lot of these things I never even thought about.

It's a very informative book, however an issue I have with it is that it relies on anecdotal evidence a lot. The start of the book said something along the lines of "To ensure it is an enjoyable read for everyone, statistical insights are kept to a bare minimum.". That really rubbed me the wrong way, why wouldn't people be able to understand insights?

They described a lot of situations of 2 cultures dating, but I don't know how much of it is just personal differences and how much is actually caused by the cultures. I want to trust the book but its lack of data backing up the facts means I have to take its word for a lot of things.

As I'm writing this review the book is still a work in progress, so I hope they will address these issues to make a better book that's reliable and can be referenced by other books. Since they interviewed a lot of people, simple statistics like "60% of people we interviewed from x country agree that this is how they do it" would already make the book a lot more fact-based, as well as mentioning potential biases like the types of people they interviewed/didn't interview. The stories and examples should really only be used for illustrating the differences, not as a proof.

[Elisa Tomlinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don’t be put off by all the grammatical errors in the first 10-20 pages. If you keep plowing through, you’ll find a wealth of information about dating people from other cultures. As someone from a “hugging culture,” I found the insight about why Americans are so direct and black-and-white really eye-opening! Apparently cultures with a large immigrant population (like the US and Canada) tend to be very upfront in their dating communication styles, to cut down on confusion. But in “kissing cultures,” there’s a lot more nuance and more that goes unsaid…for example, they don’t have the Relationship Defining Talk that most Americans do. This book gave me so much insight into the guys I’ve met from around the world, and my Brazilian friend Tiago decided to read it too. He said to tell you all it hits the nail on the head and describes his (kissing culture) style perfectly. ** Big thanks to the author and her assistant for reaching out with a free copy and request to review this book. I learned a ton!**

[Michelle Sum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not only for dating, but for those with a curious mind or those who work in multi-cultural organisations. You really can’t know what you don’t know- that applies to how your own culture influences you too. Insightful, don’t expect corny dating stories or a relationship guide, but really a reflection and exploration of how our cultural behaviour shapes our expectations in our interactions with those from alternative cultures.

I wish it were a little more case study based or filled with stories of those exploring their own “How to Date a Foreigner” stories. The book focuses more on scaled behaviour, giving readers a visual of of intercultural relationships through a spectrum on “behaviours”. Overall, for anyone in a multicultural relationship, I’m sure you’re navigating much more than than the generalised patterns set out in the book. But it’s a good starting point for those who are less in the know of understanding why their foreign friends or colleagues behave in certain ways…. Why is it that the Dutch guy is so blunt, are Brazilians really that open, why are Asians deemed so much more submissive (they’re in by the way).

[Martijn Verbeek · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read an advance copy (hence this review) and I liked it quite a lot, finished it in 2 days
Reminded me of the book 'the culture map', but this one is solely focused on dating.
I'm also a foreigner in the country where I live and met (after dating) my wife here
Besides, I work as a language teacher for foreigners living in my home country, so a very interesting topic for me
A lot was pretty obvious to me, but by reading whis book I got a deeper perspective on some 'issues' I experienced while dating in the past. A pity the book doesn't also include the part after dating: intercultural relationships
What really helps is that the writer gives lots of examples, that really clarifies her theory
Of course the book could go way deeper, the division in just 4 groups of countries for example is a pity
But as a starting point, this is (for me) a good read, but can't wait for a more detailed sequel (including relationships)

[Dariana Khadykina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few weeks ago, I was offered an advanced reader's copy by the author in exchange for my honest review, and as someone who is married to a foreigner, I decided to accept the offer, and I'm so glad I did!

I just finished reading the book, and I'm amazed by everything I learned from the very beginning to the end of the book! I didn't just learn about different cultures and their mentalities when it comes to dating, but I also learned a lot about my own mentality. I grew up in two different cultures, the first half of my life I grew up in the American culture, and the second half in the Mexican culture. Even though they're so close, their mentalities are very different, and I learned I have a mix of the two mentalities. It was really an eye-opener! I was also able to understand my husband's mentality better, which was a huge plus!

I highly recommend this book to anyone who interacts with, is thinking about dating, dates, or is engaged or married to a foreigner. I know it'll help your relationship out a lot and save you from a lot of misunderstandings! I wish this book had come out 6 years ago when I first started navigating my own relationship, but I'm glad it'll be out soon because I know it'll help many people as relationships with people from different cultures is becoming more and more common.

[Sherin Aljiffri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was offered a complimentary advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

The idea of the book is so interesting! Ive always noticed differences in people’s dating/marriage styles and traditions but never really read about it. I related to many chapters, & how despite our differences there are so many mutual concepts between certain areas that are geographically near eachother.

For anyone who’s studying/living abroad this book will help you a lot in understanding the culture you’re in.
Its an easy read with lots of examples to relate to.

[Sisse Ramsing · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was fortunate to be selected to review Sylvia Harter's book "How to Date a Foreigner", and I received a complimentary advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

The book is easy to read, entertaining, and offers a modern portrayal of international dating.
It explores the diverse mindsets and beliefs tied to various cultures, introducing readers to four distinct dating styles - Hugging Style, Kissing Style, Bowing Style, and Traditional Style. These styles are largely influenced by religious affiliations and geographical boundaries. The book is filled with graphic illustrations that effectively summarize key points and sections, making the concepts easy to understand.

As a psychotherapist specializing in expats, internationals, and individuals from multicultural backgrounds, I found the book particularly interesting. Many of my clients come from all corners of the world, representing the four dating styles outlined in the book. And personally, I was in a 28-year relationship and marriage (now divorced) with a French man. Using the book's terminology, I would say I came from the Scandinavian dating culture (Hugging Style) but was drawn to his French dating culture (Kissing Style), where the focus on communication and expressing emotions attracted me.

While the book is intriguing from a cultural perspective, I believe it has several theoretical shortcomings. For instance, many other factors influence attraction and dating choices, such as attachment patterns, which the book barely mentions. Our attachment styles, developed early in life, serve as an internal blueprint for how we relate to others, especially in romantic relationships. These patterns play a crucial role in dating, regardless of culture.

The book also highlights the hierarchy and 'gender gap' as major differences in dating cultures, focusing primarily on financial aspects - specifically whether women inherit equally to men or are financially dependent on them. In cultures where men are the sole inheritors, relationships and marriages often become more practical arrangements rather than being based on emotional connection or expression of feelings.

However, the book does not delve deeply into two other critical factors - equality (from a legal standpoint) and courtship (in terms of attractiveness). In Western cultures, where I am from, gender equality is paramount, and I personally believe that men and women should have equal rights in all areas - legally, socially, and not just financially. The degree of dependency a woman has on a man is often determined by this legal and societal equality, not solely by inheritance.

On the other hand, courtship involves the 'mating dance' between the sexes, where polarity, as well as differences and the masculine and feminine energies (which exist within all of us, much like the concept of yin and yang), play a significant role in attraction. This aspect is universal, though the traditions surrounding courtship can be influenced by culture.

In conclusion, I recommend the book if you're interested in learning about different dating cultures worldwide, though perhaps not as a definitive guide on how to date a foreigner. As a professional therapist and middle-aged woman, I didn’t find much new in it - many topics felt familiar. However, younger readers who are new to dating and encountering cultural differences may find the book insightful.

[Katherine Casserly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full Disclosure, I was provided an Advance Reader Copy of this in exchange for an honest assessment of the book. I was pleasantly surprised by what I read! While not overly scientific, and certainly an approachable read for someone outside of academia, I found the text informative, insightful and useful as I navigate dating while living abroad. It isn't presented as an academic work (although Halter does reference other published works), and it reads as more of a podcast-style piece.

There were many a Eureka! moment and plenty of room for me to realize my own mistakes and assumptions as a (more) Hugging Style American living in Kissing Style Europe. I recognized my own misgivings and see where this general awareness could have saved countless opportunities. Further, it may have prevented many of night of conversations with girlfriends and nor would I have been so confused or annoyed by certain behaviors. Halter does a nice job of making the different styles easily understood and giving some clear examples of how the different styles interact. As I observe my friends' relationships from a distance, I can see real-time examples of Halter's ideas. In everything from how to date, when are you 'exclusive', how you interact with friends and the significance of the family introduction and more, there are so many scenarios of how our culture has impacted who, when, and how we date.

While I wouldn't call this the 'bible' of intercultural dating, it was a quick and easy read (I believe I read it in a weekend) and surprisingly helpful. Omitting personality characteristics and past-relationship trauma, it provides you a relevant cultural framework to use. If you, or a friend, is dating someone from a different culture, then you will find concepts and resources you can use to better understand and communicate with your partner. I wish I had received a copy when I first moved to Europe, it would have saved a little heartache. I have already referenced many of the concepts in conversation with other foreigners living abroad. Further, now that I am embarking on a relationship with a 3rd culture kid (parents from two different cultures, and raised in a 3rd/4th/5th country), I'm curious to see how some of these concepts hold up.

[Sára Ondrášková · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading How to Date a Foreigner by Sylvia Halter was a personal journey for me. As someone curious about cross-cultural relationships, this book opened my eyes to how different dating traditions can be, and how those differences impact our expectations and experiences.
What really struck me was the way the book broke down dating into four distinct cultural styles. These styles helped me understand how different mindsets shape relationships and why misunderstandings happen so often when dating someone from another culture. For example, what it means to "be official" or how long you should wait to hear back from someone varies a lot depending on where they’re from. It made me realize how easily expectations can clash when you're not on the same page.
But this book didn’t just teach me about international dating—it also helped me learn more about myself. As I read through the different dating styles, I started reflecting on my own beliefs, values, and relationship expectations. It made me question some of the assumptions I had and pushed me to be more open-minded when approaching relationships.
In the end, How to Date a Foreigner wasn’t just a dating guide—it became a tool for self-discovery. If you’re interested in dating someone from a different culture, or even just want to understand your own dating style better, I’d highly recommend this book. It’s insightful, practical, and surprisingly eye-opening!

[Elena Sheremetyeva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading the book ”How to Date a Foreigner” as it opened my eyes about the existance of different dating styles in the world due to cultural diversity. The book provides concrete examples from real-life couples which makes it engaging, easy to read and practical as it gives tools to understand the different dating styles and how to handle them. The author did an excellent job of breaking down the concept of "dating styles" into accessible categories, each with its own section and clear explanations and a very helpful summary in the end of each chapter.

I was born in Eastern Europe, lived in Asia, South America and Western Europe, travelled over 150 countries, and married a man from a traditional culture. So I can confirm that the geographical division of the dating styles in the book seems correct.

This book is a must-read for everyone having a cross-cultural relationship as it opens our mind and helps to avoid potential misunderstandings and miscommunication with our partner and hopefully will help us to stay in a happily ever after relationship by understanding and respecting our cultural differences.

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How to Date a Foreigner" is a captivating and eye-opening read. It delves into the intriguing disparities in how various cultures perceive courtship, express emotions, and embody masculine and feminine qualities. It shines a bright light on the misunderstandings that often stem from different cultural interpretations of events. This quick but profoundly informative read has the power to revolutionize the way we navigate intercultural relationships and communication. Beyond just romantic entanglements, its insights are applicable to a wide array of interactions. This enlightening guide is a must-read for anyone seeking to gain a deeper understanding of and navigate the complexities of intercultural dynamics.

[Sinka Fruzsina · Rating 5 out of 5]

- Exciting connections -
And it's not only about interpersonal relationships.

Due to the author's widespread experiences and great knowledge, she unveils such patterns in overall socal behavior, cultural heritage, and economic background that were truly eye-opening to me.
At the begining of the book, I thought I knew what the consequence would be, but later on, realization followed realization. Working in an international company, I find this information incredibly useful.

I recommend this book not only to those who want or need to navigate an international dating pool but also to everyone who works whith people from other countries or simply wants to understand human behavior better.

[florpez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I've been in an intercultural relationship for over six years, this book really shed light on some of the initial differences we faced. The concept of dating was so different for us, and Sylvia did a great job explaining why.

I remember being surprised by the frequency of his texts compared to Mexican guys. He texted back immediately, and I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not a fan of playing hard to get anyway.

For me, being in a relationship with a foreigner means having more options, because you adopt parts of each other's cultures. It also makes you more observant, respectful, and patient with differences.

I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend it to anyone exploring or struggling to understand intercultural dating.

[Lya · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a long term expat and also as professional, found this book interestingly surprising to see a lot of details, insights, learnings and things I wish I knew sooner about dating people out of my culture. Sylvia is a heart researcher, either if you are on a journey connecting with a foreign sweetheart, or if you are just curious to know more about love if you live abroad, I feel this book can give a really nice roadmap of considerations.

[Fleur Swemmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was offered a complimentary advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Even if you aren't on the dating market this book is an excellent read.
I have lived outside of my home country for over 12 years and am in a committed relationship.

However the dating world is of great interest to me as many of my friends are expats and in the dating world.

I really enjoyed this book, I'll be buying copies for a few friends of mine and definitely recommending it.

[Jasveena Prabhagaran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received an Advance Reader Copy (ARC) in exchange for an honest review.

Layout of the book: 10/10

I think the other has done a great job in terms of illustrating what dating looks like in different cultures using diagrams and illustrations. Apart from that, the formatting of the book is very well done. The font size and the spacing are great for those reading a digital copy.

Content: 8/10

I think the content has been really researched well and the content layout is great because there are a few chapters when it comes to dating and the author has made a clear distinction between each chapter. You do not feel like you are reading repeated sections in the book.

I was a bit confused with the naming of each culture - the hugging style and the kissing style. I literally thought they were referring to the hugging and kissing styles until I realised that they are referring to different cultures in dating.

I like the part where the author has done extensive research and interviews with a lot of people from different cultures in order to understand their dating patterns.

However, I think, coming from an Asian country and belonging to the Indian diaspora myself, I would personally say that the dating culture has been affected by globalisation, whereby it can be hard to define feminine and masculine cultures. Indians date like foreigners a lot nowadays.

The one thing that I could identify with is the part where what it feels like to date a Brazilian is explained because I could certainly relate to the experience of briefly dating a Brazilian who was literally so warm and welcoming in terms of treating a woman right.

Key Takeaway Message: 7/10

I think this book is very valuable in terms of trying to understand how dating works in different cultures especially those who are trying to date seriously in order to be in a serious relationship.

However, it is crucial to practice open communication and trying to understand people for who they are despite having a good understanding of their culture because their own preference maybe different.

[Alina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as an advance copy before its release in exchange for an honest review, and I really enjoyed it! The author identifies four main dating styles and does a great job explaining the key differences between them. While it's important to recognize that there's a spectrum and the styles don't have strict boundaries, the way it's laid out makes it easier to grasp the concepts.

What I found particularly helpful was how, at the end of the book, the author directly compares the styles, making the distinctions even clearer. I also appreciated the inclusion of personal stories and real-life examples, which brought the theory to life and made the material more relatable and easier to understand.

It not only offers valuable insights into dating across different cultures but also helps you reflect on your own dating style. I found it particularly fascinating to read about cultures that approach dating in ways very different from mine. Learning about traditional dating culture gave me a deeper understanding of my friends from the Middle East.

[Max Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. I am leaving this review of my own accord.

This book is a really great resource. I echo the author in the belief that this book is the perfect companion on the path to a global perspective or approach to dating across cultures. I think rather than reading this front to back, this could better be utilized more intentionally when in these situations or relationships, which is of no fault to the author.

One aspect that I struggled with is that the book initially felt juvenile. The first 50ish pages didn’t sell me on a serious approach to these issues.

I will say that it was very redeeming to become familiar with a lot of the visual representations of where these cultures fall on the spectrum of many of these dating and gender norms. It made a lot of the comparisons more accessible and provided a great deal of clarity.

Again, this would be perfect while you’re actively exploring dating cultures, which I wasn’t. There are some awesome analogies and worksheets to engage with if you’re looking to dig deeper into these learnings too!

[Lucie R · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is good for understanding cultural differences, especially for those new to cross-cultural connections. However, it feels a bit outdated, as modern globalization blurs these distinctions. The generalizations might not resonate with everyone, especially expats or those who defy the outlined categories. Still, it’s a useful starting point.

[Larissa Aravantinou · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advanced reader copy prior to publication in agreement for an honest review. I am 25 years old, grew up in the UK but I was born in Greece to a Greek father and Ukrainian/Belarusian mother. I have always known that I don’t 100% identify with British culture, but I also don’t 100% identify with Greek or Ukrainian/Belarusian culture. I love learning languages, travelling and exploring other countries. I feel like I’ve been influenced by various different cultures as opposed to just one and this has affected my experience in relationships and dating. Having been in relationships with Brazilians and oftentimes not even communicating in my native language, I knew I wanted to read this book to see if it could explain or shed some light on some of my experiences.

Whilst I think the author did a good job at trying to categorise the international dating world into cultures and dating styles across the globe, I felt like there were a lot of generalisations that may not be accurate or nuanced enough, however they do provide a starting point to an even larger conversation into modern dating on an international scale. I like the way the author used her own experiences and those of people she interviewed in order to give real life examples and add context to some of the concepts she wanted to highlight.

The book does solely focus on typical cis gender roles and heteronormative relationships which can feel very simplified, nevertheless it does also give valuable insight into this perspective. I found it easy to understand the masculine/feminine culture categories, as well as the hugging, kissing, bowing and traditional dating styles. These explanations were easy to follow and gave a good basic outline of what to expect from these cultures and dating styles in terms of exclusivity, dating stages and timelines. However, the reader must understand that just because a certain culture is said to have certain expectations and standards, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the individual people from those cultures will adhere to those dating standards or customs. At times, it felt like the author may have been leaning on known stereotypes to be able to categorise the dating behaviours from certain cultures.

Plenty of people from a ‘feminine culture’ don’t assume exclusivity and also do value profession’s and net worth. And from my experience in masculine cultures like the UK where I grew up, becoming exclusive is not the same as being in an official relationship. Exclusivity is a step, but not the defining point of an official relationship, there is an extra step for officialising the relationship and moving on to being boyfriend and girlfriend. And whilst feminine cultures might assume exclusivity naturally without a conversation, I don’t think it’s true for Brazil. From my experience being in 2 relationships with Brazilians, exclusivity doesn’t start until the relationship is official and you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Men and women equally date, talk to and sleep with other people very casually before making a relationship official. Brazil has a whole load of other stages: contatinho, ficante, ficante fixo, ficante sério and THEN namoro. Some Brazilians even consider themselves married and say they are “casado” as soon as they enter a relationship, and may not ever officially get married but will say they are.

In a lot of ways, the book validated my experiences as someone who has always assumed exclusivity without a conversation, and then ended up in misunderstandings with people from what the author describes as a ‘masculine culture’ where exclusivity is only decided formally with an explicit conversation. In other ways, the book helped me identify which cultures have influenced me in certain aspects of my dating expectations and values. I also now understand why conversations with some of my friends about dating and relationships have seemed so difficult and why we often got into debates about what is right and wrong. We were raised to have different beliefs and expectations and that’s okay, nobody is actually wrong for wanting things a certain way.

The author went into a lot of detail about the traditional dating style and brought a lot of interesting and detailed information about the view of relationships and marriage in Asian and Muslim countries. I think this section will be informative to Westerners that don’t know much about how relationships work in Asian/Islamic cultures, however I think the author could have discussed more about interracial relationships and also dating experiences for Asian/Muslim diaspora living in countries within Europe and America.

I do think that the book lacked when it came to exploring dating cultures in non-heteronormative relationships, the role of different religions and immigration and it felt like there was very little to no focus on African countries. The book is called “How to date a foreigner” but rather than being a guide for people getting into international relationships, it’s more of a study on dating culture around the world. Overall, I enjoyed the book and definitely learnt a lot so I would definitely recommend it to my friends and international peers.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is an useful manual of how to date people from different cultures, nationalities and background which combines years of research, facts, personal examples and stories of the dating life of different nationalities in a perfect blend which doesn't make it too dry, boring and documentary but it also does not make it too 'Sex and the city' and sensationalist. I was personally quite hooker reading it and I was reading it slow and in small doses as it made me think and analyse previous experiences in my head.

The beginning of the book is off to a great start as we hear some personal details about the author and some relatable personal examples from previous misunderstandings in her dating life. The author is a traveller and a globetrotter that has no fear to explore the world but still manages to get it wrong when it comes to dating other cultures.

The beginning of the book focuses on the specific differences between the Asian dating culture and the Western which gives a fresh new perspective to different point of view from ours. Exploring culture from the point of view of dating a a fresh new idea and an aspect often overlooked by travellers.

My initial concern when I saw the content and the names of the dating styles was that the book might be too stereotypical but once I read the whole thing in detail it all fit into place and made sense. Interesting way of cultural dating classification based on the initial physical contact and personal bubble those cultures exhibit. As I person that lived half of my live in the Eastern Europe and half in the west, I wasn’t sure if I can fit into a specific style myself.

I found the history of the Western and Eastern cultures very interesting and the deep dive into ancient history was illuminating. There are a few chapters dedicated to the different in dating between the USA and Asia and the stark contrast between the two. It’s quite funny to read for example about the inheritance systems of Europe and Asia and to think of this joke I always make as a Bulgarian- 'If I bring this guy home, my parents will disinherit me.'

The book then moves on from the two complete opposites and explains topics like paying the bill, sex on first date, meeting the parents, comparing the societies of Britain Mexico and South Korea. It’s a very interesting comparison that explains a lot of misunderstanding when dating a different culture. I personally enjoyed the multiple examples from all over the world and definitely learned something new. It definitely helped me understand pervious misunderstandings and I do view it as a self-help and self-reflection book as well.

I appreciate the fact it didn't only focus on the opposite cultures but goes deeper into analysing the subtle but obvious difference between the different Western cultures. Essentially Eastern and Western Europe are reviewed. Although quite complicated, the concept of masculine and feminine societies in the West does explain a lot of misunderstanding between feminine and masculine societies. The simple but power explanation of playing hard to get and delaying of gratification has really gotten me thinking about my previous experiences. Even uses the language of dance as a comparison.

The explanation about the dilemma with giving up their freedom in western cultures actually made me think about my own failed relationships and the exact challenge I date as a person who grew up in a feminine society. The explanation of exclusivity and how feminine society presumes they are exclusive from the beginning makes me feel so much better about my previous choice and reasons why I have cut off relationships. It turns out the whole issue is cultural difference, not personality. Often perception as needy is the culture you grew up with and your urge to figure out if this is going to be something serious and if the person is the right one for you so you don’t waste your time.

Dating styles: the dating styles detailed description is a comprehensive manual about the different cultures within the West and the East (Asia) and how the way people greet each other and the personal space concept they have would essentially determine the way they date. The 4 dating styles are broken down and explained very elaborately.

I admire the fact the author does not go into the frivolous and ‘salesperson’ approach of dating stories but also explores more serious subjects like feminism, treatment of women in cultures like Saudi Arabia, gender inequality, forced marriage and violence against women, etc. It delves into deeper societal issues, rather than just dating, sex and spicy stories.

I really enjoyed every part of it and I am looking forward to a sequel.

[Antonella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advanced read copy of this book from the author & agreed to leave an honest review once completed.

I enjoyed this book. While it was not what I expected (I assumed it would follow a "self-help" book style), I was pleasantly surprised that it was not. The writing/presentation style reminded me of a university research paper or dissertation. It was simplistic and very easy to follow, while still being interesting enough to make me want to continue reading. A very short and quick read - it cut to the chase and didn't drag on unnecessarily.

While some of the topics/themes might seem obvious, especially if you have experience dating someone from another culture, the author had a nice way of verbalizing/grouping concepts in a way that made sense. She concisely explained or described things that I, in hindsight, already knew but now considered in a more thought-provoking way.

Concepts covered:
-"Mindsets & Beliefs". This is further broken down by Hierarchy (how it causes a person to date to find love vs. date to marry) and Feelings (why some cultures show vs. some cultures hide their feelings)
-"Dating Styles" (Hugging Style, Kissing Style, Bowing Style, and Traditional Style)

There is a comparison of the dating styles, a look into possible crossovers between dating styles, and confusion/misunderstandings that can arise due to differences in dating styles.

The illustrations were useful in visualizing the concepts that were being spelled out in the text. They especially helped to visually compare how the dating styles differed and also how some of them had the potential to overlap.

Overall, I learned more about myself and my own dating style in ways I never thought about before. I was born in a "Hugging Style" culture (USA) but raised by parents who were both born/raised in a "Kissing Style" culture (Italy). During my high school/college years, I could never fully relate to my friends' experiences ("hugging style") but I also could never fully relate to my older cousins' experiences ("kissing style"). After reading this book, it makes sense to me now that my experience was a mix of being born into a culture with one style while being raised by immigrant parents of a culture with another style.

I also found it fascinating to learn about the two other dating styles that have no relevance to me personally/that I will never experience (Bowing Style and Traditional Style). I am sure there is much more to learn about each of those styles, and how individual countries/cultures operate within those styles, but it was interesting to take a quick peak "behind the curtain."

This book also helped me understand the two most important romantic relationships I've had in my life. In comparison:
Relationship #1: My ex-boyfriend (USA, hugging style) It was a serious relationship, but we never lived together. It took him almost 1 year from starting dating to say "I Love You" (wayyyy too long for me). I ended the relationship after 6.5 years because there was no proposal in sight.
Relationship #2: My husband (Cuba, kissing style) He skipped "dating" and went right into a relationship. He took maybe 2 months to say "I Love You" (wayyyy too quick for me). We got engaged then moved right in together. Got married 3 months later. We'll be married 5 years next month!

Due to the culture in which I was born (American) and the culture in which my parents raised me (Italian), I remind myself of "Goldilocks". I can understand/relate to different aspects of both the Hugging Style and the Kissing Style. While I am not fully Kissing Style ("too hot") and not fully Hugging Style ("too cold"), my own personal dating style seems to be a mix of both and it's "just right" for me! :-P