Confessions of Nairobi Men

by Joan Thatiah

Confessions of Nairobi Men is a culmination of three years Joan Thatiah has spent listening to stories of men and women living in Nairobi. The stories in this book are as raw and messy as they are bold and awe-inspiring.
In this book, you will meet men who have been brave, men who have been broken in every way, men who are still trying to pick up the pieces of their lives and men who are deeply faulted. In this book, you will look them in the eye. The writer hopes that you can read their stories without judgement.

Genres: Fiction, Short Stories, African Literature, True Story, Africa, Nairobi, Emotional

270 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2023

Reviews

[Murugi Munyi · Rating 5 out of 5]

It feels wrong for me to say that I enjoyed this book because of how tragic most of the stories are and how heavy it has been to carry the emotions that came from it. 😭

I am not ashamed to admit that I cried two or three times. Even more than the first two ‘Confessions’ books, this one was an incredible eye-opener, perhaps because I am not a man. Looking into the mind of these men felt like a very new experience. It is unimaginable the amount of pain and trauma these men are living with. And perhaps it feels even more tragic because for so many of them, societal rhetoric that doesn’t allow men to openly speak about their trauma has led to them, burying it deep down, the effects of which have been catastrophic in their lives.

My heart bleeds for the fathers, the brothers, the sons who lent their stories to this collection. I pray they all find peace. 🙏🏽

[Corrie Mwende · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I say nothing under the sun that we human beings do surprises me, I mean it. Maybe it’s because life has done a number on me, or probably the exposure to a lot of information through stories in books, TV and other forms. But people’s stories hardly astonish me. That said, it doesn’t mean that the shock level equals the trauma moments that come once you read or hear stories! Confessions of Nairobi Men, is dark, traumatic and breathtaking- knocks off the oxygen with ‘what the hell’ did I just read?

These are not easy stories to read. They are daunting! Mostly because these are true stories of people I probably interact with on and off. They are stories of men whose lives have gone through staggering lacerations of the heart, mind and body. Stories that will break your soul, disappoint you while others will make you cuss more extreme than that of a sailor!

From an uber driver who witnesses the violation of his body-twice, and a death all on separate trips. To a man who has to raise children who are not his despite the wife killing herself after that information is revealed. Stories of redemption and waiting through respite. This is a book of many things, but everything with some hoovering darkness of just the life we live. The people we live with, those who love us, hurt us, condone us and those who choose to be part of our rescue journey,

Joan did it again, and did it in a daring and spectacular way!

Confessions of Nairobi Men, just shows that in this city, in my city, we are all lab rats and the city in an experiment!

[Eugene · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are books you read and take timeouts in between, because you first need to absorb what you just read. You take a breather to readjust after your emotions are thrown all over the place. Confessions of Nairobi Men is such a book. This is a hard book to read.

Joan has packed 15 stories of Nairobi Men. Stories of trauma from the past, inhumanity, brokenness, abuse, rebuilding and relearning.
What makes it even difficult is how close to home the stories hit. Your cab driver, your colleague, your childhood friend or your acquaintance.

The stories remind you of how broken we are as human beings. We hurt the ones we claim to love, we leave lifelong scars on fellow human beings and do it with the least care in the world. As long as it serves our needs.

Pick up this book!!.

[Catherine Mukora · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of very haunting stories that made me so sad, aggravated me, triggered me… wheew…
I think my biggest takeaway from this book was just how many men are living double lives, inauthentic lives devoid of truth, genuineness & freedom. I felt deeply for a lot of them because it was evident that most of them were victims of their circumstances and upbringing.
My one critique is that this book could have used a good editor. I found about two typos.

[Naisinkoi · Rating 3 out of 5]

*3.5 Stars

This short story collection broke and mended my heart then broke it again.

The author collected and retold the stories of multiple men she came across in Nairobi. The tales are from these men's past and how this affected their present and future.

What I took away from this book is that men generally go through a lot but due to societal norms, its almost like they are left to their own devices to deal with the issues that plague them against the backdrop of judgement and social stigma that shrouds men when they seek help.

The stories were raw and made me view things from a male perspective with a lot of empathy.

I enjoyed how the author humanized the characters and made their stories come alive and I would definitely recommend this book.

[Dorsillar Owino · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is like a storybook about real life in Nairobi. It talks about love and relationships in a way that feels like it could be about people we know. The book tells different stories that remind us of our own experiences with love and connection. It's like taking a walk in Nairobi and seeing bits of our own lives in the stories. Joan's book makes me think about my own feelings and experiences with love, it's like a friend that helps us understand the ups and downs of relationships in our everyday lives

[Wanjiru · Rating 5 out of 5]

I literally cried reading some stories.

The pain and trauma those men are living with is unimaginable.

Most men don't speak at all. Why is it so hard to?

Its not just a book, it's a reflection of the society we live in.

Men getting sodomized, raising kids that aren't theirs, black tax among other issues.

Well, I tried as much as possible not to be judgmental 😊.

I'd encourage every man to read this book at some point it's an eye opener especially when it comes to the struggles men go through inthe hands of wrong/ cursed women.

Joan's writing is impeccable!

[KateM · Rating 4 out of 5]

It has taken me a month to finish this book not because it’s a hard read but because I needed to take emotional-wellbeing breaks in between. Goodness! After the first 3 stories, I didn’t think I’d ever be okay. The stories in this book are raw and emotionally drenching. I don’t think I’m okay.

[Ciiku Macharia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book for me was to listen to men cause I never do.I protect myself from them , defensive from them.It goes against what I am and therefore reading this book was majorly to confront that defense mechanism.

I have broken down reading this book,Cried in matatus because (What in the actual F!)The level of raw emotions in this book made the men whose stories were told so real I could almost feel they are someone I know.

I broke for them because behind all of these stories are men walking amongst us today,men expected to hold us together,men who are our fathers,men who are our brothers and above all men who are expected to be men and nothing less.

I have failed.I think we all have failed.To hold space for humanity,to allow ourselves express ourselves.We have denied people voices.Raising and living among people who are breaking everyday.By the weight of what they have done or what has been done to them.In the end we all suffer.

Joan Thatiah has done justice to this stories .Told them as they are with the weight the hold.I hope you get the courage read through and do better in the capacity that you can.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

The stories in this book are raw and they will wrench out all the emotions you have in you. I thought the women confessions tore me apart, these ones left me wondering at our society.

Joan writes them with such simplicity, it feels that we are there with her listening and crying right along.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our childhood traumas shape who we become as adults

[Chantel Airo · Rating 4 out of 5]

My thoughts on the book :)
I’d rate it a solid 7/10

The writing is solid & raw and at times painfully honest. The author does a great job capturing the inner workings of Nairobi’s modern man, but what struck me most was the recurring theme men!! time and again, seem to get away with so much. What’s even more crazy is that in the other series (Confessions of Nairobi Women) it sort of is the same thing like even when the focus shifts, the impact of patriarchy lingers.

That said, the women in this book aren't saints either. There’s betrayal, manipulation, and darkness on both sides, reminding us that people are flawed. It taps into something deeper,how you never truly know someone’s full story. Everyone’s carrying things life has thrown at them, quietly shaping who they are.

The book also really made me reflect on the nature vs. nurture debate. And honestly? Nurture wins. The environment you’re born into, the kind of opportunities (or lack thereof) you’re exposed to,it all plays a massive role in the life you end up living. Talent and ambition aren’t always enough.

Overall, it’s a book that makes you pause. Even if I didn’t love every part of it, it left me thinking and that counts for something.
would recommend!!

[Alejandro L · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tragic vignettes that describe the stories of men in Nairobi as they deal with infidelity, alcoholism, domestic abuse and various other issues. Joan Thatiah does a good of describing these stories in an objective way and allowing the reader to sympathetize with people who are struggling in one way or another

[Evelyn Bella (there WILL be spoilers) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can't say I was a fan of the format. The stories were so brief that I didn't feel like I knew any of the characters or understood their motivations—though that may have been intentional.

But it came off as clinical to me, even when really topics were being discussed.

Maybe non fiction is just not my scene.

[Caroline Njung’e · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book got me on chokehold. Reading about the struggles of men and how it affects them at different stages of their lives and realizing how to navigate each situation, by making choices best suited for them whether right or wrong.

[Liz Mbithe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heavy book emotionally!

[Reader June Leah mwangi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The kind of book you’ll need to pause in between to just take a sigh or two and even pray for the characters in the book , and to imagine these are real life stories just overwhelms and makes you empathetic

[Daisy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book soo much .I can not wait to read her other books

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not over the book yet .I am in the process of preying my emotions.What next for the men.I hope you all heal.

[Martha Wanjala · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not just a book; it's a reflection of the society we live in. It's a clarion call to listen, to understand, and to acknowledge the silent battles fought every day by men. Joan Thatiah has crafted a work that is both a literary achievement and a social commentary, an essential addition to the conversation about gender, culture, masculinity and the human condition, especially in the city under the sun.

This is a profound collection that delves into the lives of men in Nairobi, offering a raw and unfiltered glimpse into their experiences and struggles. What I really liked about the book is its boldness and unapologetic honesty in tackling subjects that are often shrouded in silence, such as sexual assault, the growing epidemic of men raising kids that aren't theirs, and black tax, among other issues (Consider this not a spoiler alert, but rather a heads-up for the roller-coaster of unforeseen plot twists of these stories). It narrates stories of men who have faced immense challenges and showcases their bravery, their brokenness, and their ongoing journey towards healing and understanding. The stories are a testament to the resilience of the male spirit in the face of societal pressures and personal traumas.

For those planning to read this book, I encourage you to approach these stories without judgment, but rather with empathy and connection.

[Gladys · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a hard read and to think there are real faces behind these stories is daunting...In the words of George Tsitati "This is not simply a captivating read; it's a societal mirror. Thatiah forces us to confront the unspoken pressures that mold and break Nairobi's men, questioning the very definition of masculinity in a city pulsating with ambition and desperation. It's a book that lingers long after the final page, a haunting melody urging us to dismantle the walls of silence and create a space where vulnerability isn't weakness, but a shared path towards understanding and empathy."

[Philip Nzangi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hard book to read but an eye opener , looking forward to reading more from Joan Thatiah

[Priscilla · Rating 4 out of 5]

To know that these are real stories eiish!!

[Renee Njagi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joan Thatiah really did something impeccable with this one.Fifteen stories told beautifully,authentically with all the rawness of human experience. I was already hooked from the first story. It literally left me gasping and just feeling like i had been taken on a wild ride. I got heavilly invested and was done with the book within a day of picking it up.
The stories in this book are longer than the stories in the Confessions of Nairobi Women and are told from 1st persona standpoint which brings out the pain in a devasting way
The trigger warning on this book should be taken seriously and if for any reason you feel like you do not have mental or emotional capacity to handle extremely traumatic stories then this book is not for you
I learnt alot from this book about how similar men and women struggles are,the difference being that for women we get to hear and see them on a daily. Men, however, do not share most of these struggles which makes it seem like they only inflict the pain and trauma but do not experience it.
Confessions of Nairobi Men changes that narrative by giving these men a platform to share their horrowing experiences in the most vulnerable, intimate way and opening doors to the reality that seems to be elusive to our society. We should all extend kindness and grace to each other as we navigate this thing called life with full realization that everyone has a story and some more traumatic than others. I would highly recommend this book

[Agina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like this is a powerful collection of stories that opens our minds and eyes to the often hidden struggles and traumas men face in Kenyan society. One of the most shocking revelations in the book is the portrayal of how men can become victims of sexual violence, including rape and sodomy, just like women.

This aspect of their lives, often wrapped in deep shame and societal stigma, goes unspoken, leading to devastating consequences for their mental and emotional well-being, for example, the story of the boy who was abused by his uncle, which later in life influences his sexual orientation, is particularly heartbreaking, but very fascinating because it reveals how early trauma can shape one's identity and desires. It highlights the complex ways in which abuse alters the course of a person's life.

The big question is why do men remain silent about such experiences? why is society structured in a way that makes it hard for them to raise important questions about masculinity ? are there societal structures that can be put in place to help them seek help with dignity? I feel like we have so much to work on as a society.

[Tesha Magira · Rating 4 out of 5]

One question that lingered in my mind was " are these really true stories? Ama it's based on a movie? Or movies are based on peoples life experiences?? " Because some of the stories are unimaginable.... especially because I can paint a picture of some of the places described in Nairobi...now when I enter an Uber I would wonder what has this person actually experienced? It's really unfortunate that people are going about life with such experiences .
The recurring themes I identified were Joblessness which tends to lead to alcohol and drug abuse and addiction then intimate partner violence, Loss and grief from so many perspectives , suicidal ideation , people being sodomized ! Family dynamics and the roles the dysfunction plays in shaping a persons life , Police !!! And the stigmatisation around reporting sexual abuse and mental health ! etc I would recommend it's definitely and eye opener to the issues men are facing 💯

[Glo Lolo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much, compared to 'Confessions of Nairobi women' . It is wild, entertaining, and deeply revealing peek into the hearts (and egos) of Nairobi’s most unpredictable species—men. From sweet talkers to heartbreakers, loyal kings to certified red flags, the stories are messy, hilarious, sometimes painful, and almost always jaw-dropping.

This collection brings together the drama, the chaos, the audacity, and the soft spots that make Nairobi men such a fascinating study. Each confession feels like eavesdropping on a private WhatsApp group chat—uncensored and full of plot twists.

The brilliance of the book lies in how it balances humor with real issues—vulnerability, masculinity, expectations, and the blurred lines of love and survival in a fast-paced city. You’ll laugh, cringe, roll your eyes, and maybe even text your ex (don’t).

It’s bold, brutally honest, and Nairobi to the core. A captivating read from start to finish, I had to force myself to put it down

[Ms. Margins · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started this book, my good friend lent it to me and her words were that this book will scar me.I would like to present that this book did not break me but cemented my belief that men are the problem in this society.That men hurt men and then they hurt women. That men are their own biggest enemies and their own weakest links. That men do not discriminate when it comes to hurting any gender. That men will impregnate women and then leave them with their children and never recognize them. That men do not care about anyone else but themselves. That men will abandon whatever and whoever for their selfish needs.

That when society has no one to blame, their fingers will land on a woman.

This book further proved that women and men are all the same. That as much as women, men will do and accept the worst from their partners as long as they are able to maintain a certain reputation. That both genders are battling mommy and daddy issues, especially daddy issues.

[Mumbe Kimeu · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book is 15 real life stories of men who have been broken in every way and are still standing. You will meet men who are raising kids that are not biological theirs but they love them regardless. You will meet the uber driver who witnesses violation on his body and death on two separate trips. You will meet a husband who sticks with a cheating wife because of his own daddy issues. You will meet men whose lives have been ruined by drug addiction. Men who have been to prison and their lives have turned out completely different. Men that are serving their karma for hurting women.

These are dark,difficult and daunting stories to read. Stories that will break your heart, remind you of the cruelty of this world and make you cuss. Mostly because they're relatable and some of these dark experiences have happened to men in our own lives. Give Nairobi men a hug without explaining 🫂

[Veronicah Ngaru · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Confessions of Nairobi Men" is a book based on real life stories of Nairobi Men who have been brave enough to share their stories,brave because not so many men would share such dark stories.Clearly life is messy in between,from a man raising kids who are not his after finding out all his three children are not his biological children to the wife committing suicide once all everything come to light,to a taxi driver experiencing horror encounters in the city,to a man deciding to stay with a cheating wife for the sake of his children due to his childhood traumas,to abusive men and to finding hope and trying to navigate life.It shows how rotten our society is,how our upbringing really shape us to the kind of adults we become and just how much child trauma impacts our lives.I hope those men can seek therapy and heal.Would definitely recommend this book.