Calico Jack in your Garden

by Karl Wiggins

Embarrassingly, a number of the reviews for this book seem to involve people losing control of their bladder;

“Anyone who is a bit saucy, very fond of boobies and doesn't mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard, this is the book for you!” “I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St. Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”

Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian;

“I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.”

So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing.

“I got kicked out of bed TWICE for laughing so hard. This is, by far, one of the funniest books I've yet read”

“JFC!!!! This is soooo hilarious”

“I have never, ever read a book that caught me so unawares and made me laugh so much as Calico Jack. I laughed and laughed so much on the train home that I had to stop reading it. He is capable of making the reader cry with laughter”

“There were times when I had to set the Kindle down and just laugh out loud. Some of Mr Wiggins' thoughts are just hilarious”

Whilst it’s evident that a number of people love my writing - I've even been told by some that they settle themselves with a cup of coffee before reading my blogs, Newspaper columns or Facebook posts - I'm very much aware that I have an inappropriate sense of humour that isn’t to everyone’s taste. In short, not everyone ‘gets’ me.

Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match - but that passion is often hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals fail to not only recognise the deadpan delivery but are never too sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter. Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market.

No longer simply a fad, blogging is now an important new literary innovation. This book is not a story, and if you’re looking for a book that is all sweetness and light, please give this one a miss. It’s not for you. I won’t be offended and I honestly wish you a great life. If everyone likes me, then I’m not being controversial enough.

If you’re looking for Humorous books about Life, Comedy Writing or even Humorous Books for Adults then take a chance on this book;

I’ve been told I write with an “easy-going style and a zest for living that is infectious.” I’m not so sure about that, but I have an opinion on a range of hot issues, although you don’t have to agree with all my views to enjoy the ride. Other comments on my writing style warn that I "talk to the reader with all the confidence of a man in touch with his own reality, in a voice which is seasoned with a hint of world weariness that is so telling of a writer who has written what he knows and written it with disarming fearlessness." And that I guess is true.

I can be a handful at times and I know it. I’m strong-willed, a bit outspoken and I write exactly what I’m thinking. It’s not to everyone’s taste, but this is a book you can dip in and out of whenever the mood takes you. I hope you enjoy!

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Comedy

296 pages, ebook

First published December 26, 2013

About the author

Karl Wiggins – Author, humourist, raconteur and (unfortunately) master of dysphemism

I'm an author with seven books on Amazon Kindle, and I'll state right from the start that I have a particular aversion to fellow authors who befriend you and then immediately message you saying, "You might like my book ..... check it out."

I don't do that. If people wish to know more about my books the information is here to read, but I won't invade your personal space (not to mention precious time) with pleas to check out my own books

My goal, my life’s ambition if you like, is to give direction to comedy, purpose to satire. And this is probably why I write the way I do, in order to use self-deprecating, piss-taking humour to bring to the fore situations that just don’t stack up. To demonstrate that serious issues can be approached with humour.

Embarrassingly, a number of the reviews for my books seem to involve people losing control of their bladder; “Anyone who is a bit saucy, very fond of boobies and doesn't mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard, this is the book for you!” “Best not to read this book on the train if you have a full bladder because by the end of your journey you will have a damp patch in an embarrassing place.” “I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St. Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”

Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian; “I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.”

So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing. Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match - but that passion is hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals often fail to recognise the deadpan delivery and are never quite sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter.

Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market, and I write a regular column for a newsletter in Copiague, Long Island, New York. I’m really enjoying connecting with the people over there.

Interestingly enough, my writing style has been compared to two people, both now dead, Charles Bukowski and Socrates. Their names keep popping up in reviews; “Mr Bukowski, meet Socrates. This is an exceptionally amusing collection of observations of daily life,” “The prose style reminded me quite a lot of Charles Bukowski’s short essays and observations,” “It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels, but particularly Factotum and Post Office,” “Had me laughing out loud several times, which doesn’t happen often to me. It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels,” (I swear those are two completely separate reviewers), “Karl Wiggins is like a contemporary Socrates.”

I’m sure both Socrates and Charles Bukowski would turn in their graves. But then again, maybe not.

My books;

'You Really are full of Shit, Aren't You?' is my latest and possible my favourite. It's an agony uncle / advice columnist style book, but unlike most agony aunts I cut them no slack.

I'll be the first to admit that 'Dogshit Saved my Life' and 'Calico Jack in your Garden' are not to everyone's taste, but the reviews are good, so I seem to be hitting the right note.

'Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me' kind of speaks for itself I guess, as does 'Grit - The Banter & Brutality of the Late-Night Cab Driver.' I drove cab in b

Reviews

[Dave D'aguanno · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those unique pieces of writing that seems to be about nothing -- and about everything -- at the same time. For instance, how many times in your life have you wondered why eating establishments insist upon putting lettuce on all sandwich items? Maybe once or twice? Maybe never? Well, this is only one of the "earth-shattering mysteries of life" that Karl Wiggins addresses in "Calico Jack."

Readers must make certain, however, to take their sense of humor along for the ride; otherwise, they might be perplexed by a chapter like the one dealing with why your dog always rolls around in animal excrement (complete with a hilarious imaginary conversation between dog and owner), or a leisurely stroll through city streets for the specific purpose of checking out and comparing various strangers' back-sides!

A brilliantly written, totally irreverent helping of broad literary humor for readers who enjoy a good, hearty laugh!

[D.K. Cassidy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laughs and Giggles.

To say this collection of essays is funny would be an understatement. Author Karl Wiggins has a unique view of things and is not afraid to state his opinion! This gem doesn’t need to be read in any particular order, this is not a novel, it is one man’s view of things that irritate, annoy, or amuse him. He writes what a person wants to say but usually doesn’t for all kinds of reasons including, not wanting to be thrown out of a pub, or punched in the face. Some of my favorite rants include: Bonehead Shop Assistants, Argument on the Tube—Arm-Rest Etiquette, My Negative Attitude, and Kerb Food. Caution, you may find yourself breaking out in uncontrollable laughter!

[J.M. Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best not to read this book on the train if you have a full bladder because by the end of your journey you will have a damp patch in an embarrassing place. Fortunately I read this at home where my neighbour, hearing loud hoots of laughter coming from next door at midnight, is probably confident in his belief there is a certifiable loony next door.

Some newspaper editor, somewhere, should pick up this book and offer the author a regular newspaper column, because this is the sort of ironic, no-holds-barred humour that will make your day a lot easier having read it first, or it will banish any end-of-the-world weariness at the close of working hours. Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.

If you want to worry your neighbour by emitting loud hoots of laughter at inappropriate moments I can thoroughly recommend this, genuinely and without hesitation. It's a damn good book.

[T.L. Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, what can I say?
I read the first half of this book thinking, ""Wow; this must be very therapeutic for the author! I do hope he's vented enough so that he now feels better!" Then I read the chapter on the agony uncle comments from genuine questions off the internet. I actually cried with laughter (this takes a lot!). Properly funny! I was laughing like a wild woman (sitting in my car in my lunch break), looking around in case my colleagues passed by and finally called the 'men in white coats' for me! :-0

From then on, there seemed to be more humour (or maybe something in me had let go of my own tension?).
Love the bit on chavs and Argos jewellery!

And erego, my husband doesn't have to pretend not to "look at tits"! In fact, just this weekend he pointed out a young lady in a service station as she had "a really round arse!". Indeed she did, and I too marvelled at how it was one large round orb (not two butt cheeks); just one!? ;-P

Also, for the record, I am an adult romance novelist, so hopefully fit into your catgory, but I'm writing a yummy review so surely that counts? :-)

This book rants and raves about so many of life's injustices, and dares to say what many would not. Most of us think it, but are too afraid to say it.
Again, this is not me. I tend to have verbal diarrhea, and probably am too blunt. But call a spade a spade! (this, in spite of my middle class upbringing!).

So; yes. By all means read this book. Share some angst and have a good laugh at it!! The world doesn't laugh enough and it jolly well should!

Nice one Karl; you're clearly a diamond geezer! :-)

[Justin · Rating 1 out of 5]

this was not for me. a little too thickly British or something. lots of jokes about hooliganism and "the Tube". I don't really care for George Carlin either and I think maybe this guy is the British version.

[Ben Hathaway · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just didn't enjoy it, 100 short sketches of his opinions, none of which were funny (to me). Fair play for writing a book, more than I'll ever do, but not for me thanks. Like a chavvy michael mcintyre perhaps.

[Moss 5000 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmm...a satisfactory light read. Nothing to rave about but if you need a quick fix of some humourous tales, grab a copy.