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Triggers: Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses
Do you believe your struggle with anger stems from the wrong behavior you see displayed in your children? The knee-jerk reactions and blow-ups you're facing are often a result of a bigger set of "triggers." Some of these are external, like a child's disobedience, backtalk, or selective hearing, while others are internal, like an overflowing schedule, sleep-deprivation, or perhaps your own painful experiences from childhood.
Triggers: Exchanging Parent's Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses examines common parenting issues that cause us to explode inappropriately at our children. Moving beyond simple parenting tips on how to change your child's behavior, authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake offer biblical insight and practical tools to equip and encourage you on the journey away from anger-filled reactions toward gentle, biblical responses.
Triggers: Exchanging Parent's Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses examines common parenting issues that cause us to explode inappropriately at our children. Moving beyond simple parenting tips on how to change your child's behavior, authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake offer biblical insight and practical tools to equip and encourage you on the journey away from anger-filled reactions toward gentle, biblical responses.
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April 28, 2018
This is honestly the most helpful book on Christian parenting I've read to date. It spoke to my mama's heart in huge ways. I feel like the authors met me exactly where I'm at & I will definitely be revisiting this book over & over again until I "get it"...which will only happen by the grace of God!
September 18, 2018
I would give this one 6 stars if I could and I will pretty much be listening on repeat for the next 10 years.
July 19, 2019
Frankly, this book was a disappointment. While it does have some useful practical suggestions for ways to avoid or handle some common scenarios that trigger parental frustration or anger, so much of the approach seems to be little more than an argument for parents (mostly mothers, for some reason) to muster a bit more classic evangelical willpower to not get angry. If they do that, the authors argue, God will teach them perseverance and perhaps the situation may gradually change.
What is puzzling about this approach (or perhaps not, given the theology of American evangelicalism) is that it almost exclusively focuses on the internal spiritual solutions of the individual while ignoring the most obvious structural problems. The best example of this is how the authors, despite repeated complaints throughout the book about how their husbands work too much, are not that involved in the parenting or even undermine the wives parenting efforts, never touch on the idea that parenting responsibilities could be shared more equally or that perhaps the husbands should work fewer hours. No, for whatever reason (perhaps their American cultural understanding of “biblical” gender roles?), this way of thinking about the role of a husband/father is left entirely intact and unexamined. At the same time, there are zero calls to perhaps simplify one’s life or maybe adopt a more modest lifestyle to reduce financial pressure and thus make it easier to discover alternate parenting arrangements as a couple.
Given this fact, I think this book fails in its objective. I have grown up around too many female relatives who were stressed, unhappy and went around angrily yelling things like “Lord Jesus give me the strength!” just to make it through the day to think that more cries out to Him and more willpower (which they already have quite a lot of) will solve much.
I am not saying Jesus can’t help, but therapy to deal with deeper anger issues as well as a radical reassessment of ones priorities, parental responsibilities and lifestyle would contribute quite a lot as well. This book looks at none of that.
What is puzzling about this approach (or perhaps not, given the theology of American evangelicalism) is that it almost exclusively focuses on the internal spiritual solutions of the individual while ignoring the most obvious structural problems. The best example of this is how the authors, despite repeated complaints throughout the book about how their husbands work too much, are not that involved in the parenting or even undermine the wives parenting efforts, never touch on the idea that parenting responsibilities could be shared more equally or that perhaps the husbands should work fewer hours. No, for whatever reason (perhaps their American cultural understanding of “biblical” gender roles?), this way of thinking about the role of a husband/father is left entirely intact and unexamined. At the same time, there are zero calls to perhaps simplify one’s life or maybe adopt a more modest lifestyle to reduce financial pressure and thus make it easier to discover alternate parenting arrangements as a couple.
Given this fact, I think this book fails in its objective. I have grown up around too many female relatives who were stressed, unhappy and went around angrily yelling things like “Lord Jesus give me the strength!” just to make it through the day to think that more cries out to Him and more willpower (which they already have quite a lot of) will solve much.
I am not saying Jesus can’t help, but therapy to deal with deeper anger issues as well as a radical reassessment of ones priorities, parental responsibilities and lifestyle would contribute quite a lot as well. This book looks at none of that.
February 9, 2018
This was not what I thought it was and at first, I was disappointed. Then I realized it was better! Instead of a “5 easy steps to stop being angry at your kids” it did what is always best - points you to Jesus. Loved the chapter a day format and plan to reread a few times a year!
Read for popsugar 2017 challenge prompts:
A book with a subtitle
Abook with multiple authors
A book with career advice
Read for popsugar 2017 challenge prompts:
A book with a subtitle
Abook with multiple authors
A book with career advice
October 3, 2024
First, the petty: I am tired of Christian books sounding like they are written for a youth group.
But now the real issue. I expected more from a book titled Triggers - this isn't really about psychological triggers for moms with deep-rooted issues resulting in outbursts of anger. This is like, "oh, you're a bit impatient and yell at your kids? Here are some nice words you can say instead."
I quote: "I don't really have to get angry. I don't really have to be quick to anger and lose my self-control."
Here is the thing they are missing. For a lot of angry mothers, they are acting out in trauma with unhealthy coping mechanisms, and are triggered in a way that leads them to experience a fight or flight response. In the moment, it's not a choice. Not without the proper tools - none of which this book offers. A "trigger" like this will take a LOT more healing than just thinking, "wait a sec... I don't have to yell! I'll just use nice words!"
That's why I'm so disappointed. The authors took a hot psych word and misused it like the rest of Twitter and Instagram. I only got through 70%, but didn't read anything about mirror behavior, patterns of abuse, fight or flight (that I recall? Not in depth, anyway), re-establishing pathways in the brain, how to deal with the physiological response to anger in a productive way, or what real depression and anxiety looks like (besides a very quick chapter on one of the mom's short lived experience with PPD).
This book is great for moms new to gentle parenting who don't yet have practical tools for dealing with life's everyday frustrations that can make anyone angry and snap at their kids (such as what words to use in specific situations, like your toddler not wanting to leave the playground or your family not coming to dinner when you call - real examples from the book).
This book is not for moms with intense emotions rooted in trauma, who are looking for real ways of dealing with actual triggers.
But now the real issue. I expected more from a book titled Triggers - this isn't really about psychological triggers for moms with deep-rooted issues resulting in outbursts of anger. This is like, "oh, you're a bit impatient and yell at your kids? Here are some nice words you can say instead."
I quote: "I don't really have to get angry. I don't really have to be quick to anger and lose my self-control."
Here is the thing they are missing. For a lot of angry mothers, they are acting out in trauma with unhealthy coping mechanisms, and are triggered in a way that leads them to experience a fight or flight response. In the moment, it's not a choice. Not without the proper tools - none of which this book offers. A "trigger" like this will take a LOT more healing than just thinking, "wait a sec... I don't have to yell! I'll just use nice words!"
That's why I'm so disappointed. The authors took a hot psych word and misused it like the rest of Twitter and Instagram. I only got through 70%, but didn't read anything about mirror behavior, patterns of abuse, fight or flight (that I recall? Not in depth, anyway), re-establishing pathways in the brain, how to deal with the physiological response to anger in a productive way, or what real depression and anxiety looks like (besides a very quick chapter on one of the mom's short lived experience with PPD).
This book is great for moms new to gentle parenting who don't yet have practical tools for dealing with life's everyday frustrations that can make anyone angry and snap at their kids (such as what words to use in specific situations, like your toddler not wanting to leave the playground or your family not coming to dinner when you call - real examples from the book).
This book is not for moms with intense emotions rooted in trauma, who are looking for real ways of dealing with actual triggers.
July 31, 2023
To be honest, I didn’t want to buy this book. I didn’t want to admit that I struggle with “angry reactions”, but pride comes before the fall and the only falling I want to do is to my knees in prayer and repentance, which this book led me to do several times. I often read Triggers during my quiet time with the Lord and there were days when I wept over the times when I have failed to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19); as well as days when I found myself comforted by the truth that I’m not alone on this sanctifying road of motherhood and that there are women who have come out on the other side of whining and complaining, disobedience, over-stimulation, exhaustion, stress, special needs, messy homes, and so much more with renewed faith, hope, and soft answers.
In this book, authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake go beyond offering “simple parenting tips on how to change your child’s behavior” and offer a wealth of biblical insight and tools to help you turn away from anger-filled reactions and toward gentle biblical responses. It’s a must-read for the mom who desires peace to rule in her heart so she can respond to her child(ren) in love and more importantly, like Christ.
✨ One thing to note: At times, the authors do quote from The Message (a paraphrase of God’s Word), and I would encourage you to compare these passages to other word-for-word or thought-for-thought translations.
In this book, authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake go beyond offering “simple parenting tips on how to change your child’s behavior” and offer a wealth of biblical insight and tools to help you turn away from anger-filled reactions and toward gentle biblical responses. It’s a must-read for the mom who desires peace to rule in her heart so she can respond to her child(ren) in love and more importantly, like Christ.
✨ One thing to note: At times, the authors do quote from The Message (a paraphrase of God’s Word), and I would encourage you to compare these passages to other word-for-word or thought-for-thought translations.
March 26, 2024
Downloaded from my local library and listened via Hoopla and my car's Bluetooth (1.5 speed).
This book is written mainly for moms who feel guilty about yelling at their kids. Each chapter covers an internal or external trigger that sets off yelling. There are about 30 short chapters, making this book easy to read in one month. The authors alternate reading each chapter, and each one ends with a prayer (minor annoying point: sometimes they pray to Jesus in Jesus' name). Wendy is a more creative writer.
Pros:
I liked the emphasis on practical things to do to avoid yelling, instead of some squishy advice to trust that Jesus loves you even if you're a yelling parent. Chapter 1 included a good biblical reminder that God is patient with us, not punishing us immediately; it's easy to think that if we don't punish immediately, we are ruining our children, but it's interesting that God does not always immediately and obviously punish us for our sin (although consequences are often not obvious and perhaps present without our notice).
Cons:
The authors could have gone an important step further in offering the immensely practical and biblical instruction to spank children out of love, so as to avoid the very situations that often lead to yelling parents. The main advice seemed to be to spend lots of time rationalizing with kids; this is not always possible or practical, although it's a good reminder to be concerned about their hearts. Some of the advice was pretty obvious: be patient, forgive, pray, "just do the right thing," and some parts were repetitive (e.g., carve out time for rest).
It's not a scholarly book, which is not a fault. Besides the Bible, other sources referenced include GotQuestions.org (Ch. 3), MacArthur NT Commentary on Ephesians (Ch. 5), "a pastor" (Ch. 6), Lou Priolo (Ch. 10), Spurgeon (Ch. 29), and Alan Fadling (Ch. 31).
Forward
Introduction
Section 1: External triggers
Ch. 1: Disobedience
Obedience leads to happiness
Parents often think that children need immediate punishments, so they learn that x/y/z is unacceptable. But God typically doesn't act this way toward us (long-suffering, patient).
We adults don't usually respond well when treated harshly, so why do we expect our children to?
Coach metaphor: inspire; use exercises to improve in certain areas
James 1: be slow to anger
Ch. 2: Backtalk
kindness —> repentance (Rom. 2)
Prov. 15:23: say the right thing at the right time
good emphasis on prayer, patience, kind words
Ch. 3: Disrespect
effects on the body
earn respect by unconditional love [and spanking/fear]
focus on how Jesus didn't answer [ignoring places where He did]
"nip things in the bud" [references, but brushed past]
true repentance can take time
Ch. 4: Strong-willed Children
positives of strong children —> strong adults
Ch. 5: Angry Kids
list of ways that parents provoke their children
don't forget children's developmental stages (maybe they aren't able to do what you're expecting them to do)
Ch. 6: Whining and Complaining
[yes, whining is a sin, not just a "sign"]
[seemed opposed to all shaming, but shame is a necessary part of fallen existence]
Ch. 7: Sibling Rivalry
triggers = opportunities
let children feel their own consequences
Ch. 8: Ignoring Instruction
"The power of a loud voice isn't real power."
Ch. 9: Lying and Deceit
Ch. 10: Manipulation
Reference to Prov. 26:4, but not verse 5
Ch. 11: [Disorders]
talk about your own issues to help children cope with theirs
Ch. 12: Videogame Addiction
set limits and prepare for withdrawal symptoms at first
list of helpful alternatives
Ch. 13: Overstimulation
carve out rest time (sound, devices, devotions)
Ch. 14: Irresponsible Behavior
notice different strengths of children and assign them different tasks
Ch. 15: When Will They Ever Change?
Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage: the issue is often our sanctification
Internal Triggers
[not all of these were internal triggers]
Ch. 16: Lack of Faith
Ch. 17: Generational Habits...
Ch. 18: Depression, etc.
- talk to others
Ch. 19: Exhaustion
Ch. 20: Running Late
- plan/schedule
Ch. 21: No Personal Space
Ch. 22: Going It All Alone
- routine helps
Ch. 23: [In-laws]
- misquoting Frost's "Mending Wall"
- set boundaries
Ch. 24: All the Noise
Ch. 25: Roughhousing
Ch. 26: Messy Homes
Ch. 27: Multitasking
- Covey's 7 Habits
Ch. 28: Transitions
Ch. 29: Sick Children and Ailing Parents
Ch. 30: Stress
You're free in Christ, but you're not free to continue sinning.
Ch. 31: Feelings of Guilt
Epilogue: Commencement
Acknowledgements
- No More Angry MOB<>/a
This book is written mainly for moms who feel guilty about yelling at their kids. Each chapter covers an internal or external trigger that sets off yelling. There are about 30 short chapters, making this book easy to read in one month. The authors alternate reading each chapter, and each one ends with a prayer (minor annoying point: sometimes they pray to Jesus in Jesus' name). Wendy is a more creative writer.
Pros:
I liked the emphasis on practical things to do to avoid yelling, instead of some squishy advice to trust that Jesus loves you even if you're a yelling parent. Chapter 1 included a good biblical reminder that God is patient with us, not punishing us immediately; it's easy to think that if we don't punish immediately, we are ruining our children, but it's interesting that God does not always immediately and obviously punish us for our sin (although consequences are often not obvious and perhaps present without our notice).
Cons:
The authors could have gone an important step further in offering the immensely practical and biblical instruction to spank children out of love, so as to avoid the very situations that often lead to yelling parents. The main advice seemed to be to spend lots of time rationalizing with kids; this is not always possible or practical, although it's a good reminder to be concerned about their hearts. Some of the advice was pretty obvious: be patient, forgive, pray, "just do the right thing," and some parts were repetitive (e.g., carve out time for rest).
It's not a scholarly book, which is not a fault. Besides the Bible, other sources referenced include GotQuestions.org (Ch. 3), MacArthur NT Commentary on Ephesians (Ch. 5), "a pastor" (Ch. 6), Lou Priolo (Ch. 10), Spurgeon (Ch. 29), and Alan Fadling (Ch. 31).
Forward
Introduction
Section 1: External triggers
Ch. 1: Disobedience
Obedience leads to happiness
Parents often think that children need immediate punishments, so they learn that x/y/z is unacceptable. But God typically doesn't act this way toward us (long-suffering, patient).
We adults don't usually respond well when treated harshly, so why do we expect our children to?
Coach metaphor: inspire; use exercises to improve in certain areas
James 1: be slow to anger
Ch. 2: Backtalk
kindness —> repentance (Rom. 2)
Prov. 15:23: say the right thing at the right time
good emphasis on prayer, patience, kind words
Ch. 3: Disrespect
effects on the body
earn respect by unconditional love [and spanking/fear]
focus on how Jesus didn't answer [ignoring places where He did]
"nip things in the bud" [references, but brushed past]
true repentance can take time
Ch. 4: Strong-willed Children
positives of strong children —> strong adults
Ch. 5: Angry Kids
list of ways that parents provoke their children
don't forget children's developmental stages (maybe they aren't able to do what you're expecting them to do)
Ch. 6: Whining and Complaining
[yes, whining is a sin, not just a "sign"]
[seemed opposed to all shaming, but shame is a necessary part of fallen existence]
Ch. 7: Sibling Rivalry
triggers = opportunities
let children feel their own consequences
Ch. 8: Ignoring Instruction
"The power of a loud voice isn't real power."
Ch. 9: Lying and Deceit
Ch. 10: Manipulation
Reference to Prov. 26:4, but not verse 5
Ch. 11: [Disorders]
talk about your own issues to help children cope with theirs
Ch. 12: Videogame Addiction
set limits and prepare for withdrawal symptoms at first
list of helpful alternatives
Ch. 13: Overstimulation
carve out rest time (sound, devices, devotions)
Ch. 14: Irresponsible Behavior
notice different strengths of children and assign them different tasks
Ch. 15: When Will They Ever Change?
Gary Thomas's Sacred Marriage: the issue is often our sanctification
Internal Triggers
[not all of these were internal triggers]
Ch. 16: Lack of Faith
Ch. 17: Generational Habits...
Ch. 18: Depression, etc.
- talk to others
Ch. 19: Exhaustion
Ch. 20: Running Late
- plan/schedule
Ch. 21: No Personal Space
Ch. 22: Going It All Alone
- routine helps
Ch. 23: [In-laws]
- misquoting Frost's "Mending Wall"
- set boundaries
Ch. 24: All the Noise
Ch. 25: Roughhousing
Ch. 26: Messy Homes
Ch. 27: Multitasking
- Covey's 7 Habits
Ch. 28: Transitions
Ch. 29: Sick Children and Ailing Parents
Ch. 30: Stress
You're free in Christ, but you're not free to continue sinning.
Ch. 31: Feelings of Guilt
Epilogue: Commencement
Acknowledgements
- No More Angry MOB<>/a
March 20, 2022
3.5 rounding up to 4. This book wasn't necessary a deep theological exegesis on anger BUT it was a great practical start for busy moms who already know they're struggling with (sinful) anger and want real suggestions on how to do better. While I wish the book had initially started with a thorough rundown on what the Bible has to say on anger overall before jumping into application, I can't fault the efforts it makes to help moms battle their sin of anger. I walked away with more equipped with many great ideas and strategies to immediately put into practice. Too many parenting books are heavy on theory and light on advice but that's not true of this book.
My moms' book club read this coupled with Good and Angry, which is a great way to have your cake (theology) and eat it too (application).
My moms' book club read this coupled with Good and Angry, which is a great way to have your cake (theology) and eat it too (application).
September 4, 2022
4.5🌟
I want to get a hard copy of this so I can mark it up. Definitely convicting. Since it was written as a devotional each chapter was a little shorter. I would have enjoyed them going into more detail in some of the chapters. Didn't agree with everything, but loved how they pointed everything back to God and his Word.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book.
"Good doesn't always mean easy. Good means just the right circumstances to help me recognize my desperate need for Jesus each and every day."
"Our children are not perfect but they are perfectly designed to perfect us into the image of Christ."
"Turn to him so often that you end up looking at him all the time. Glance at him so much that you end up gazing at him for the rest of your life. Remain all day in him and he will remain all day in you."
I want to get a hard copy of this so I can mark it up. Definitely convicting. Since it was written as a devotional each chapter was a little shorter. I would have enjoyed them going into more detail in some of the chapters. Didn't agree with everything, but loved how they pointed everything back to God and his Word.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book.
"Good doesn't always mean easy. Good means just the right circumstances to help me recognize my desperate need for Jesus each and every day."
"Our children are not perfect but they are perfectly designed to perfect us into the image of Christ."
"Turn to him so often that you end up looking at him all the time. Glance at him so much that you end up gazing at him for the rest of your life. Remain all day in him and he will remain all day in you."
September 18, 2022
4.5 stars
I didn't realize it was written as a devotional, but then I ended up utilizing it as one. That gave me time to ponder and reflect on each chapter, which was helpful.
Very solid biblical advice on dealing with the anger and frustration parents often feel when... well... parenting. There's no denying that children have a unique capability to anger you like nobody else. But it's not them that needs fixing, at least not by you or me as the parent. We're the only ones we can actively change, so that's where we start.
I found this book both convicting and helpful.
I didn't realize it was written as a devotional, but then I ended up utilizing it as one. That gave me time to ponder and reflect on each chapter, which was helpful.
Very solid biblical advice on dealing with the anger and frustration parents often feel when... well... parenting. There's no denying that children have a unique capability to anger you like nobody else. But it's not them that needs fixing, at least not by you or me as the parent. We're the only ones we can actively change, so that's where we start.
I found this book both convicting and helpful.
November 26, 2021
*FYI since today is the day after Thanksgiving I reserve all rights for my photos to be in front of my Christmas tree for the next month 😉
“If we are being consumed by anything - emotions, anger, or pity parties - then we are not relying on God and His faithful plans for our lives.”
This was a library read for me, but I will absolutely be buying this book to keep and re-read (a lot)! As a Christian mom I’m often convicted of my attitude when I’m in the thick of parenting. It turns out it’s easier to jump to being frustrated than to being patient. 🤪 This book provides so many words of wisdom along with Bible verses to guide us as moms in how to respond to situations biblically.
I have a 3 year old and another little one due soon (🥰), but I think this book would be helpful for moms through the teen years with kids! There were plenty of chapters that discussed what I work with now with my son, but there are also several chapters that cover things I haven’t even dealt with yet! I love how many Bible verses this book gave that relate to parenting that I can always turn to. I highly recommend this book to Christian mamas like me!
“If we are being consumed by anything - emotions, anger, or pity parties - then we are not relying on God and His faithful plans for our lives.”
This was a library read for me, but I will absolutely be buying this book to keep and re-read (a lot)! As a Christian mom I’m often convicted of my attitude when I’m in the thick of parenting. It turns out it’s easier to jump to being frustrated than to being patient. 🤪 This book provides so many words of wisdom along with Bible verses to guide us as moms in how to respond to situations biblically.
I have a 3 year old and another little one due soon (🥰), but I think this book would be helpful for moms through the teen years with kids! There were plenty of chapters that discussed what I work with now with my son, but there are also several chapters that cover things I haven’t even dealt with yet! I love how many Bible verses this book gave that relate to parenting that I can always turn to. I highly recommend this book to Christian mamas like me!
January 27, 2023
I don’t often give 5 star ratings, but I would give this book more stars if I could!
“Triggers” was beautiful in every single way: Convicting, uplifting, engaging, encouraging, thought provoking, and oh so very relatable.
If you are a mom or dad with kids (of any age) at home, I 100% recommend this book. It might change your life.
(I listened to the audiobook, which was done incredibly well.)
“Triggers” was beautiful in every single way: Convicting, uplifting, engaging, encouraging, thought provoking, and oh so very relatable.
If you are a mom or dad with kids (of any age) at home, I 100% recommend this book. It might change your life.
(I listened to the audiobook, which was done incredibly well.)
October 14, 2020
This is a book written by moms for moms, but this is the best parenting book I’ve read, by far, it’s not even close. I’ll be reading this over and over again.
January 14, 2022
This book is just as good as I hoped it would be. An amazing resource for moms trying to learn to respond gently and Biblically to the stresses of parenting and to their children. It also could be read as a 31-day devotional, as each short chapter has scripture and a prayer. This is a book I will be referencing again and again. Highly recommend.
January 22, 2023
Great stuff here. Loved how so much emphasis was on prayer.
January 11, 2023
This was a balm in my current stage of life.
September 6, 2016
It's no secret that I struggle with anger by the simple fact that I chose to read this book!
The layout of the book was smart and well thought out for busy mothers. It's purposed to read a chapter a day, which I liked. At the end of each section there is a prayer and each chapter has lots of scripture.
The book itself is divided into two sections, internal trigger and external triggers. The external triggers section to me was reminiscent of many Christian parenting books that I have read in my early mothering days. The last half of the book that discusses internal triggers is what I was hoping for when I purchased the book. While I enjoyed the chapters I found myself not interested in and skipping over the authors examples. Perhaps that is because I am at a different stage in life with a larger family and as a homeschooler?? Regardless, the points the authors were trying to make were there, I just felt I had to dig sometimes to relate them to my own situation.
Lastly, I think the beauty of this book isn't really in the book itself, but in the commitment to setting time aside each day for a month to read, pray, and mediate about overcoming the sin issue of anger. For that I am very thankful. I am glad I read this, but wouldn't read it again.
The layout of the book was smart and well thought out for busy mothers. It's purposed to read a chapter a day, which I liked. At the end of each section there is a prayer and each chapter has lots of scripture.
The book itself is divided into two sections, internal trigger and external triggers. The external triggers section to me was reminiscent of many Christian parenting books that I have read in my early mothering days. The last half of the book that discusses internal triggers is what I was hoping for when I purchased the book. While I enjoyed the chapters I found myself not interested in and skipping over the authors examples. Perhaps that is because I am at a different stage in life with a larger family and as a homeschooler?? Regardless, the points the authors were trying to make were there, I just felt I had to dig sometimes to relate them to my own situation.
Lastly, I think the beauty of this book isn't really in the book itself, but in the commitment to setting time aside each day for a month to read, pray, and mediate about overcoming the sin issue of anger. For that I am very thankful. I am glad I read this, but wouldn't read it again.
February 13, 2020
This book has probably had a greater effect on the daily reality of my parenting than any other. It is practical, biblical, full of grace, and not afraid to point out sin for what it is, instead of excusing it as many other mums do when we talk. As the authors point out in the introduction, there are some sins that need consistent daily prayer to see a real change. This book in combination with consistent daily prayer has led to significant changes in areas of my life that I felt were beyond change. I listened to the audio book.
August 19, 2020
I’m not sure what to write about this. On one hand, there were a lot of little nuggets of wisdom that resonated with me. But the overall message was tough for me. To me (and I realize that most people don’t feel this way), it was pretty much “you think you’re mad because of what your children do but it’s actually not their fault at all—it’s YOURS. But it’s okay because Jesus.”
I’ll revisit what I highlighted and ignore the rest going forward.
I’ll revisit what I highlighted and ignore the rest going forward.
June 4, 2023
This was fine, nothing particularly notable or helpful to my personal parenting experience. It was somewhat validating to be affirmed in the way I speak to my own kids (I’m a pretty gentle/empathetic parent) but at the same time, most of this felt like common sense.
At the same time, I really wished the authors would have made a greater effort to address the root causes of true anger, beyond just “oh kids can be so frustrating!” and held some space for the importance of actual mental health services, therapy, behavioral healthcare, medication, and more for parents who are actually struggling and aren’t just “annoyed.” That distinction, and that validation for Christian moms who need more than just prayer to overcome mental health struggles, would have probably been really meaningful for some of the women who might read this book.
At the same time, I really wished the authors would have made a greater effort to address the root causes of true anger, beyond just “oh kids can be so frustrating!” and held some space for the importance of actual mental health services, therapy, behavioral healthcare, medication, and more for parents who are actually struggling and aren’t just “annoyed.” That distinction, and that validation for Christian moms who need more than just prayer to overcome mental health struggles, would have probably been really meaningful for some of the women who might read this book.
January 31, 2021
This book is meant to be read over the period of 31 days (1 month) with 31 short, easy to read chapters. I spanned this over a much longer period, but I still feel like I benefited greatly from its contents. This book discussed many, many different "triggers" for mothers (or really anyone around young children) and how to appropriately handle these situations. I found the advice given in this book to be Biblical and sound advice, especially in the beginning chapters. Some of the chapters seemed a little too "cookie cutter" for me personally, but I'm sure the words in them could benefit other mothers. Overall I highly recommend reading this one.
February 13, 2024
I think I might give 4 stars to the first half, but the second half is a 3. Overall I’m still glad I read this book and was definitely convicted and encouraged depending on the chapter. But the writing and even the editing of this book wasn’t great. I felt like everything boiled down to “pray about it” (which isn’t a bad thing, and since I’d like to grow in prayer, it’s a fair suggestion 😅). I did appreciate the range of “triggers” discussed because it helped me remember that my struggles aren’t unique and that no matter what our personalities are, or the kinds of struggles our kids have, that we can rely on the Lord and become patient and gracious moms instead of reactionary.
April 2, 2020
Helpful and insightful
August 2, 2021
Wow. I listened on audiobook and discovered this book is written to be read over a whole month, one chapter per day - I will definitely be ordering a physical copy so I can come back to each chapter and prayer again!
April 13, 2024
Good insights. Helpful reminders. Practical tips. Conviction and encouragement. Triggers are opportunities.
October 7, 2020
So, so good! A must read for every parent. Great reminders and lessons on how to biblically parent in those tough moments and times. I will definitely go back to reference this again and again.
August 13, 2025
I would recommend this book. The authors encourage boundaries but also meeting your kids where they are at. Fully relatable and encouraging. This is a book I’ll come back to!
November 16, 2023
Allllll of the stars! This book convicts and encourages at the same time. It is full of biblical, practical advice for identifying external/internal triggers and how to parent in grace and love instead of in anger. Will be rereading and recommending again and again!
January 20, 2024
Going to have to buy this one for future referencing. So good and a great reframing of the struggles of parenting. Love the prayers at the end of each chapter as well.
January 30, 2024
Great easy to read book on grace based parenting. It focuses on how to respond without anger to a number of internal and external triggers.
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