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The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More
From communication expert Jefferson Fisher, the definitive book on making your next conversation the one that changes everything
No matter who you’re talking to, The Next Conversation gives you immediately actionable strategies and phrases that will forever change how you communicate. Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and one of the leading voices on real-world communication, offers a tried-and-true framework that will show you how to transform your life and your relationships by improving your next conversation.
Fisher has gained millions of followers through short, simple, practical videos teaching people how to argue less and talk more. Whether it’s handling a heated conversation, dealing with a difficult personality, or standing your ground with confidence, his down-to-earth teachings have helped countless people navigate life’s toughest situations. Now for the first time, Fisher has distilled his three-part communication system (Say it with control, Say it with confidence, Say it to connect) that can easily be applied to any situation.
You will learn:
- Why you should never “win” an argument
- How to assert yourself and communicate with intention
- How to set boundaries and frame conversations
- Why saying less is often more
- How to overcome conflict with connection
The Next Conversation will give you practical phrases that will lead to powerful results, from breaking down defensiveness in a hard talk with a family member to finding your own assertive voice at the boardroom conference table. Your every word matters, and by controlling how you communicate every day, you will create waves of positive impact that will resonate throughout your relationships to last a lifetime.
Everything you want to say, and how you want to say it, can be found in The Next Conversation.
No matter who you’re talking to, The Next Conversation gives you immediately actionable strategies and phrases that will forever change how you communicate. Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and one of the leading voices on real-world communication, offers a tried-and-true framework that will show you how to transform your life and your relationships by improving your next conversation.
Fisher has gained millions of followers through short, simple, practical videos teaching people how to argue less and talk more. Whether it’s handling a heated conversation, dealing with a difficult personality, or standing your ground with confidence, his down-to-earth teachings have helped countless people navigate life’s toughest situations. Now for the first time, Fisher has distilled his three-part communication system (Say it with control, Say it with confidence, Say it to connect) that can easily be applied to any situation.
You will learn:
- Why you should never “win” an argument
- How to assert yourself and communicate with intention
- How to set boundaries and frame conversations
- Why saying less is often more
- How to overcome conflict with connection
The Next Conversation will give you practical phrases that will lead to powerful results, from breaking down defensiveness in a hard talk with a family member to finding your own assertive voice at the boardroom conference table. Your every word matters, and by controlling how you communicate every day, you will create waves of positive impact that will resonate throughout your relationships to last a lifetime.
Everything you want to say, and how you want to say it, can be found in The Next Conversation.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2025
4442 people are currently reading
22656 people want to read
About the author
Jefferson Fisher
7 books535 followersHi, I’m Jefferson.
I’m a Texas board certified personal injury attorney.
In 2022, I began making videos of my practical communication tips to help people argue less and talk more. I recorded them the same way as I do today—in my car, in between hearings or after work.
Today, I'm one of the most respected voices on communication and arguments in the world. Millions of people and some of the world's leading brands come to me for advice and practical strategies to communicate more effectively.
I have a podcast called, The Jefferson Fisher Podcast, and I wrote a book called The Next Conversation.
I’m a Texas board certified personal injury attorney.
In 2022, I began making videos of my practical communication tips to help people argue less and talk more. I recorded them the same way as I do today—in my car, in between hearings or after work.
Today, I'm one of the most respected voices on communication and arguments in the world. Millions of people and some of the world's leading brands come to me for advice and practical strategies to communicate more effectively.
I have a podcast called, The Jefferson Fisher Podcast, and I wrote a book called The Next Conversation.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 795 reviews
May 4, 2025
I REALLY loved this book. It and "The New Emotional Intelligence" by Travis Bradberry are my favorite self-improvement books of 2025. Let me explain why I loved it so much. What makes this book stand out is its immediate applicability. Fisher doesn’t overload you with theory. Instead, he delivers straight-to-the-point techniques—like how to pause in the heat of conflict, frame feedback constructively, and set healthy boundaries without guilt.
For me it was a powerful guide to better communication—at work, at home, and everywhere in between. As a seasoned trial attorney and viral communication coach, Fisher distills his real-world experience into a highly practical framework that helps you navigate difficult conversations with clarity, calm, and connection.
At the heart of the book is Fisher’s signature “Three Cs” method:
Control your tone and reactions,
Speak with Confidence in your message,
And aim to Connect, not conquer.
His tone is refreshingly empathetic and empowering. Fisher encourages us to stop trying to win conversations and instead focus on keeping them going. That’s the key to building trust, solving problems, and strengthening relationships.
Whether you’re a team leader, a parent, a partner, or just someone who wants to stop dreading hard conversations, The Next Conversation offers the mindset and tools to speak well and be heard.
For me it was a powerful guide to better communication—at work, at home, and everywhere in between. As a seasoned trial attorney and viral communication coach, Fisher distills his real-world experience into a highly practical framework that helps you navigate difficult conversations with clarity, calm, and connection.
At the heart of the book is Fisher’s signature “Three Cs” method:
Control your tone and reactions,
Speak with Confidence in your message,
And aim to Connect, not conquer.
His tone is refreshingly empathetic and empowering. Fisher encourages us to stop trying to win conversations and instead focus on keeping them going. That’s the key to building trust, solving problems, and strengthening relationships.
Whether you’re a team leader, a parent, a partner, or just someone who wants to stop dreading hard conversations, The Next Conversation offers the mindset and tools to speak well and be heard.
March 29, 2025
If you follow Jefferson Fisher and you like his 47 second videos, this book is a great recap with very succinct and useful information. I coached a team on communication for about 15 years, and his methods are easy to follow and, more importantly, easy to remember. I am going to work on eliminating "I think that" from my lexicon and changing it to "I am confident that." This is an easy swap that will help me be more assertive in my conversations.
This is a business book about communication, would be helpful to anyone who works with other people. Some may say his methods are common sense, but I would argue (ha) that there is something for everyone to learn. I really appreciated how Fisher walks us through 3 steps to identify things and his first chapter called "never win an argument."
Lots of good food for thought. Great for sales coaches that need to have practical advice on how to be a more effective communicator.
This is a business book about communication, would be helpful to anyone who works with other people. Some may say his methods are common sense, but I would argue (ha) that there is something for everyone to learn. I really appreciated how Fisher walks us through 3 steps to identify things and his first chapter called "never win an argument."
Lots of good food for thought. Great for sales coaches that need to have practical advice on how to be a more effective communicator.
Read
October 14, 2024In “The Next Conversation,” Jefferson Fisher presents a transformative approach to communication, emphasizing the need for constructive dialogue over adversarial discussions. The book aims to equip readers with practical strategies to navigate difficult conversations, fostering understanding and collaboration rather than conflict.
Key Themes and Concepts:
Understanding Conversations:
Fisher examines the dynamics of conversations, highlighting how they can quickly turn into arguments when misunderstandings arise. He encourages readers to approach discussions with the intention of engaging in meaningful exchanges rather than merely winning an argument.
The Role of Emotion:
The author emphasizes the emotional aspects of communication, pointing out that emotions can significantly influence how we interpret and respond during conversations. Recognizing one’s emotional state and that of others is crucial for effective dialogue.
Active Listening:
A significant part of effective communication is active listening. Fisher stresses the importance of truly hearing what others are saying, rather than planning a response while the other person speaks. He offers techniques for improving listening skills, including paraphrasing and asking open-ended questions.
Avoiding Traps in Communication:
The book identifies common traps that people fall into during conversations, such as jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and focusing on personal agendas. Fisher provides strategies to help individuals avoid these pitfalls and remain open-minded.
Techniques for Productive Conversations:
Fisher introduces several techniques to facilitate productive discussions, including:
The “Yes, And” Approach: This technique encourages participants to build on each other’s ideas rather than dismiss them. It fosters collaboration and encourages creative thinking.
Ground Rules for Discussions: Establishing clear guidelines for conversations can help create a respectful and safe environment for dialogue.
Handling Difficult Conversations:
The book provides guidance on managing challenging conversations, such as addressing conflicts or giving feedback. Fisher advises readers to approach these discussions with empathy and a focus on resolution rather than blame.
Framing Conversations:
Fisher discusses the importance of framing conversations in a way that promotes understanding. This includes using positive language and focusing on shared goals to create a collaborative atmosphere.
Building Relationships:
Effective communication is foundational for building strong relationships. The author emphasizes that investing time in understanding others and engaging in open dialogue strengthens connections and trust.
Practical Exercises:
Throughout the book, Fisher includes practical exercises and reflection questions designed to help readers apply the concepts to their own lives. These activities encourage readers to practice new skills in real-world scenarios.
Conclusion:
Target Audience:
Key Themes and Concepts:
Understanding Conversations:
Fisher examines the dynamics of conversations, highlighting how they can quickly turn into arguments when misunderstandings arise. He encourages readers to approach discussions with the intention of engaging in meaningful exchanges rather than merely winning an argument.
The Role of Emotion:
The author emphasizes the emotional aspects of communication, pointing out that emotions can significantly influence how we interpret and respond during conversations. Recognizing one’s emotional state and that of others is crucial for effective dialogue.
Active Listening:
A significant part of effective communication is active listening. Fisher stresses the importance of truly hearing what others are saying, rather than planning a response while the other person speaks. He offers techniques for improving listening skills, including paraphrasing and asking open-ended questions.
Avoiding Traps in Communication:
The book identifies common traps that people fall into during conversations, such as jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and focusing on personal agendas. Fisher provides strategies to help individuals avoid these pitfalls and remain open-minded.
Techniques for Productive Conversations:
Fisher introduces several techniques to facilitate productive discussions, including:
The “Yes, And” Approach: This technique encourages participants to build on each other’s ideas rather than dismiss them. It fosters collaboration and encourages creative thinking.
Ground Rules for Discussions: Establishing clear guidelines for conversations can help create a respectful and safe environment for dialogue.
Handling Difficult Conversations:
The book provides guidance on managing challenging conversations, such as addressing conflicts or giving feedback. Fisher advises readers to approach these discussions with empathy and a focus on resolution rather than blame.
Framing Conversations:
Fisher discusses the importance of framing conversations in a way that promotes understanding. This includes using positive language and focusing on shared goals to create a collaborative atmosphere.
Building Relationships:
Effective communication is foundational for building strong relationships. The author emphasizes that investing time in understanding others and engaging in open dialogue strengthens connections and trust.
Practical Exercises:
Throughout the book, Fisher includes practical exercises and reflection questions designed to help readers apply the concepts to their own lives. These activities encourage readers to practice new skills in real-world scenarios.
Conclusion:
“The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More” is a practical guide to enhancing communication skills. Jefferson Fisher’s insights provide readers with the tools necessary to foster open dialogue, manage difficult conversations, and build meaningful relationships. By emphasizing understanding and collaboration over conflict, the book offers a roadmap for improving both personal and professional interactions.
Target Audience:
This book is aimed at anyone looking to improve their communication skills, particularly individuals in leadership, education, and interpersonal relationships. It is also beneficial for those involved in conflict resolution or team dynamics, offering strategies that can lead to more productive and harmonious interactions.
March 18, 2025
2.5 stars
There is some advice in this book that is universal, but the insistence that a societally ingrained masculine form of communication is the idealized standard troubles me, particularly when we look at how people who are Not White Straight (Christian) Males are perceived when speaking the way White Straight (Christian) Males speak. In my opinion, Fisher demonstrates a lack of understanding in regard to societal expectations and constraints around gender.
There is some advice in this book that is universal, but the insistence that a societally ingrained masculine form of communication is the idealized standard troubles me, particularly when we look at how people who are Not White Straight (Christian) Males are perceived when speaking the way White Straight (Christian) Males speak. In my opinion, Fisher demonstrates a lack of understanding in regard to societal expectations and constraints around gender.
March 23, 2025
I’ve been following @jefferson_fisher on social media for years, and let me tell you—his account is one of the best, if not THE BEST, most useful accounts I follow. His conversation tips have changed the way I communicate—and these tips aren’t hard, but they are effective for home, work, friends…you name it. This book will help!
In a relationship?
Have kids?
Friends?
A job?
In school?
Do yourself a favor and get this book. Thousands of people send requests asking Mr. Fisher for advice on how to communicate…
“After thousands of messages like these, the one thing I’ve learned is that no matter how they frame the question, their problem isn’t what to say—it’s how to say it.”
This book hits deep. If you’re not reaching for tissues by page 30, I’ll be shocked.
And let’s be real. We all want to communicate better—with our spouse, kids, coworkers, even that one neighbor. But how? Fisher has organized his book into two parts: The Essentials and The Application, breaking them into bite-sized, real-life Rules: Say It With Control. Say It With Confidence. Say It To Connect.
This book doesn’t just teach you what to say—it shows you how to say it in a way that actually works. It’s packed with real-world situations, heartfelt stories, and practical tips that will transform your conversations and strengthen your relationships.
I’m not kidding when I say my entire family discusses Jefferson’s videos around the dinner table—his real-life scenarios and practical advice really does make every conversation better (whether it’s about confidence, being more assertive, standing up for yourself, or even learning how to not overshare). THIS BOOK HAS IT ALL!
With today’s world feeling more divided than ever, The Next Conversation is exactly what we need to keep things civil and actually productive.
Let’s talk less with anger and more with purpose. 💙
📖 Out now—get this book, read it, love it, live it.
I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
#TheNextConversation #JeffersonFisher #CommunicationMatters #ArgueLessTalkMore #MustRead #thecleanreadbookclub
In a relationship?
Have kids?
Friends?
A job?
In school?
Do yourself a favor and get this book. Thousands of people send requests asking Mr. Fisher for advice on how to communicate…
“After thousands of messages like these, the one thing I’ve learned is that no matter how they frame the question, their problem isn’t what to say—it’s how to say it.”
This book hits deep. If you’re not reaching for tissues by page 30, I’ll be shocked.
And let’s be real. We all want to communicate better—with our spouse, kids, coworkers, even that one neighbor. But how? Fisher has organized his book into two parts: The Essentials and The Application, breaking them into bite-sized, real-life Rules: Say It With Control. Say It With Confidence. Say It To Connect.
This book doesn’t just teach you what to say—it shows you how to say it in a way that actually works. It’s packed with real-world situations, heartfelt stories, and practical tips that will transform your conversations and strengthen your relationships.
I’m not kidding when I say my entire family discusses Jefferson’s videos around the dinner table—his real-life scenarios and practical advice really does make every conversation better (whether it’s about confidence, being more assertive, standing up for yourself, or even learning how to not overshare). THIS BOOK HAS IT ALL!
With today’s world feeling more divided than ever, The Next Conversation is exactly what we need to keep things civil and actually productive.
Let’s talk less with anger and more with purpose. 💙
📖 Out now—get this book, read it, love it, live it.
I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
#TheNextConversation #JeffersonFisher #CommunicationMatters #ArgueLessTalkMore #MustRead #thecleanreadbookclub
March 26, 2025
Jefferson Fisher is a Texas-based personal injury attorney who also has a podcast, Youtube channel, etc. that he leveraged into this book deal about building communication expertise. While none of the advice in this book is groundbreaking or revolutionary (it borrows a lot from Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People And The 8th Habit, particularly "seek first to understand, then to be understood", in my opinion), it's a perfectly serviceable read that I think is relatively well-thought-through, as Fisher demonstrates how he's used many of these behaviors and strategies in his own personal and professional life.
My statistics:
Book 96 for 2025
Book 2022 cumulatively
My statistics:
Book 96 for 2025
Book 2022 cumulatively
March 6, 2025
Review~The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher.
Many thanks to @prhaudio for the #gifted audiobook of this amazing book which comes out March 18th.
The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher is my most anticipated book of the year, and it’s not even a thriller!
I have been following @jefferson_fisher since the very beginning. He posts short videos on how to communicate effectively during different scenarios. He breaks it down into 3 practical strategies that are easy to digest.
In this book he covers topics such as how to sound more assertive when we speak, how to deal with difficult people, how to handle difficult conversations, how to be empathetic while still being in control, how to deal with defensiveness and my favorite chapter “Never Win an Argument”.
This is one of those books I will keep referring back to, like Atomic Habits. I took notes that hopefully will help me remember some of the helpful phrases, tools and approaches that Jefferson shares.
I love that at the end of every chapter there’s a short summary with the key points to remember from that chapter.
Overall, the main goal of this book is to give the reader a framework on how to communicate more effectively with friends, loved ones and/ colleagues.
My rating: 5⭐️
Favorite quote: “come into an argument with something to learn instead of something to prove” hmm how often do you do that? 🤔
Many thanks to @prhaudio for the #gifted audiobook of this amazing book which comes out March 18th.
The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher is my most anticipated book of the year, and it’s not even a thriller!
I have been following @jefferson_fisher since the very beginning. He posts short videos on how to communicate effectively during different scenarios. He breaks it down into 3 practical strategies that are easy to digest.
In this book he covers topics such as how to sound more assertive when we speak, how to deal with difficult people, how to handle difficult conversations, how to be empathetic while still being in control, how to deal with defensiveness and my favorite chapter “Never Win an Argument”.
This is one of those books I will keep referring back to, like Atomic Habits. I took notes that hopefully will help me remember some of the helpful phrases, tools and approaches that Jefferson shares.
I love that at the end of every chapter there’s a short summary with the key points to remember from that chapter.
Overall, the main goal of this book is to give the reader a framework on how to communicate more effectively with friends, loved ones and/ colleagues.
My rating: 5⭐️
Favorite quote: “come into an argument with something to learn instead of something to prove” hmm how often do you do that? 🤔
July 19, 2025
It's a very short, but a useful book.
TBH, up to 30-40% I was rather disappointed. The advice was actionable but very generic ("welcome Cpt. Obvious!") and not particularly insightful. Fortunately, it got MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better in the 2nd half of the book: there are good techniques related to: confidence, boundaries, pace, defensiveness, etc. I was listening to it while running, on a phone w/o any app to make notes, and I really regret that - there were many good points I wanted to memorize, so now I'll have to re-listen to make sure they are not lost :)
How unique are the pieces of advice here? Well, it depends - some of them were not that new to me, BUT there were some techniques (esp. in the difficult conversations part) that I wasn't familiar before (& I got "bought-in").
In the end, it's 4.3-4.4 stars, but I'll round up, because the book is concise and to the point, so you don't have to dig much to get the real value out of it. Good stuff.
TBH, up to 30-40% I was rather disappointed. The advice was actionable but very generic ("welcome Cpt. Obvious!") and not particularly insightful. Fortunately, it got MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better in the 2nd half of the book: there are good techniques related to: confidence, boundaries, pace, defensiveness, etc. I was listening to it while running, on a phone w/o any app to make notes, and I really regret that - there were many good points I wanted to memorize, so now I'll have to re-listen to make sure they are not lost :)
How unique are the pieces of advice here? Well, it depends - some of them were not that new to me, BUT there were some techniques (esp. in the difficult conversations part) that I wasn't familiar before (& I got "bought-in").
In the end, it's 4.3-4.4 stars, but I'll round up, because the book is concise and to the point, so you don't have to dig much to get the real value out of it. Good stuff.
March 28, 2025
I really like jefferson, I do feel like of I'd only read the book this would be 4 stars but to me he is much better in spoken word. I highly reccomend his podcasts or any podcasts where he's a guest for that matter.
March 25, 2025
Communication is my profession and books like these are my jam. This is arguably one of the best. Relatable, encouraging and practical. I flew through it, but know I will pick it up again to savor.
September 7, 2025
So many actionable tips. I checked it out from the library, but I want to own a copy so I can really ingrain his ideas into better communication.
From writing better emails to coming across with greater confidence, this book is a goldmine of practical ideas… sometimes as simple as tweaking one word. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with the wealth of information so he advises readers to take one thing at a time and focus on what resonates to you. And then move onto the next actionable step. That’s why this is a good book to own.
If you don’t already follow Jefferson Fisher on Instagram, he is definitely worth the follow… personable, helpful and entertaining which is definitely a hard combination to find on social media.
From writing better emails to coming across with greater confidence, this book is a goldmine of practical ideas… sometimes as simple as tweaking one word. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with the wealth of information so he advises readers to take one thing at a time and focus on what resonates to you. And then move onto the next actionable step. That’s why this is a good book to own.
If you don’t already follow Jefferson Fisher on Instagram, he is definitely worth the follow… personable, helpful and entertaining which is definitely a hard combination to find on social media.
March 21, 2025
I'm still reading this book, about halfway through. If you've been debating - just get it. It's very bit as good as his podcasts and TikToks - great USEABLE tactics to communicating better. Really glad I got it
July 20, 2025
I thought this was an immensely readable book with lots of clear, practical and do-able advice on how to improve communication. Many of his approaches are easy and based on his personal experiences. I especially appreciated how he based (or supported) some of his insights on science or knowledge about human biology and social interaction.
I would buy this book and refer to it...it's that useful.
Two major caveats: (1) This book is squarely geared for a Western, and especially American, readership. and (2) The book does not take into account power dynamics, privilege, and cross-cultural interactions.
I would buy this book and refer to it...it's that useful.
Two major caveats: (1) This book is squarely geared for a Western, and especially American, readership. and (2) The book does not take into account power dynamics, privilege, and cross-cultural interactions.
March 20, 2025
Excellent read with great practical advice and one book to refer to again and again! I’ve been following the author on Instagram for over a year now and have always enjoyed his short videos so the fact he narrated the audiobook was a huge plus. I also purchased a physical copy and am recommending this book to everyone!
July 30, 2025
As someone who hates and avoids difficult conversations, this was a really helpful and insightful read. Particularly the section that talked about how and why your body goes into fight or flight during a disagreement.
March 13, 2025
A great read on conversation and communication told from a relatable and humble perspective and voice.
April 16, 2025
3.5 Stars for me.
My gripes with this book lie with style choice, not necessarily the content.
To be clear, I love what Jefferson Fisher has done with his content online-teaching solutions to common social snafus to the masses in the passenger seat of his car. I love his tender, kind, and assertive demeanor. That is exactly what makes his messages resonate with so many and unfortunately it is what is lacking in this book. I understand him wanting to capitalize on his mass following and teaching to others who may not of heard of him, but his sparkle was lost within the words of the book. I would of much rather him release a TED talk. However the subtitle of the book--"Argue Less, Talk More" was certainly propagated but I am still missing that Jefferson flair that I wanted. It seems that he realized he needed to cater to that style of 30 second videos as made evident in 'Key Takeaways" at the end of each chapter. This missed the mark for me but I still admire his advice and will continue to learn from him.
My gripes with this book lie with style choice, not necessarily the content.
To be clear, I love what Jefferson Fisher has done with his content online-teaching solutions to common social snafus to the masses in the passenger seat of his car. I love his tender, kind, and assertive demeanor. That is exactly what makes his messages resonate with so many and unfortunately it is what is lacking in this book. I understand him wanting to capitalize on his mass following and teaching to others who may not of heard of him, but his sparkle was lost within the words of the book. I would of much rather him release a TED talk. However the subtitle of the book--"Argue Less, Talk More" was certainly propagated but I am still missing that Jefferson flair that I wanted. It seems that he realized he needed to cater to that style of 30 second videos as made evident in 'Key Takeaways" at the end of each chapter. This missed the mark for me but I still admire his advice and will continue to learn from him.
November 26, 2024
Jefferson Fischer is Absolutely Amazing. You will find yourself asking what would Jefferson say within the first time you listen to any of his advice. I can’t wait for this book.
September 6, 2025
Like his Instagram, this is full of usable, easy to digest tips. However it would have been a much stronger book if he had taken into account a couple things- (a) that different identity groups have different levels of access to these strategies. (B) there are some things that can be argued over!
But I enjoyed this and will use a lot of the techniques!
But I enjoyed this and will use a lot of the techniques!
March 31, 2025
The minute I finished this book, I started it again. It’s so helpful! I listened to the audiobook and now want a hard copy of it to highlight.
March 24, 2025
I loved this book. So many great tips to put into use for any type of conversation. Learn to control yourself through breath and body before speaking and much more will be achieved. Your goal isn't to win but to understand and be heard.
April 6, 2025
I like the content of this book, but was hoping for more of his brand of specific advice for varying scenarios but instead there was a lot about his philosophy of communication. Good book, just different than I expected.
April 19, 2025
Excellent book on communication and the best I read on this important subject. We mostly learn good communication over time with experience and through trial and error method. This books gives a chance to speed up the learning part of communication with the basic principles and techniques.
The primary rules emphasised here are control , confidence and communicate to connect.
Some of the interesting perspectives mentioned in the book :
1. The person you see is not the person you are talking to as every person has surface and depth.
2. Beating out someone in an argument may feed your ego and give you dopamine, but it will still leave you hungry. Rarely , if ever , winning in communication lead to better things in your life.
3. Have a goal in communication and it should be curiosity to learn something rather than proving your point.
4. The connect with someone self awareness, understanding the other person and self assurance are important skills.
5. The hotter the argument the longer it will take to cool down , have understand of the ‘ Trigger ‘ phase and control activating it.
6. People Triggers are Physical and psychological and psychological are further divided into social evaluation and personal identify triggers. These triggers can make both parties defensive and the objective of communication can be lost.
7. Some tools for control in communication are a. Make your breath your first words. b. scan your body and emotions and label them. C. small talk .
8. In trigger phase it’s important to pause to ensure you respond logically and not emotionally. Use of silence reflects intention and when times it it’s a sign of confidence and self control.
9. Confidence is a feeling , it can be found in doing and doing is assertiveness. Assertiveness is how you express confidence and they feed into each other. Build a vocabulary of assertive words.
10. Some techniques a. Every word matters b. prove to your self that you believe in your abilities c. express your needs unapologetically. d. Speak only when matters e. Say less as every work needs brain processing power f. Remove fillers g. Never undersell h. Cut the excess. I. When in doubt fall back on experience. J. Use ‘ I am confident’.
11. Whiling dealing with difficult people when they insult or offend you , follow the below : a. Give a long pause b. Slowly repeat what they said. C. Keep breath control to ensure you don’t tighten your body or muddle your thinking.
12. When rude or dismissive a. Short pause b. Ask question of intent c. wait
13. Build boundaries in your conversation, give the other person an operators manual for how to communicate with you and not a remote control.
14. Set direction by telling what you want to speak about . You project the intended results and setting the detection of the conversation. Frames enhance listening as the other person does not have to listen for anything else.
The primary rules emphasised here are control , confidence and communicate to connect.
Some of the interesting perspectives mentioned in the book :
1. The person you see is not the person you are talking to as every person has surface and depth.
2. Beating out someone in an argument may feed your ego and give you dopamine, but it will still leave you hungry. Rarely , if ever , winning in communication lead to better things in your life.
3. Have a goal in communication and it should be curiosity to learn something rather than proving your point.
4. The connect with someone self awareness, understanding the other person and self assurance are important skills.
5. The hotter the argument the longer it will take to cool down , have understand of the ‘ Trigger ‘ phase and control activating it.
6. People Triggers are Physical and psychological and psychological are further divided into social evaluation and personal identify triggers. These triggers can make both parties defensive and the objective of communication can be lost.
7. Some tools for control in communication are a. Make your breath your first words. b. scan your body and emotions and label them. C. small talk .
8. In trigger phase it’s important to pause to ensure you respond logically and not emotionally. Use of silence reflects intention and when times it it’s a sign of confidence and self control.
9. Confidence is a feeling , it can be found in doing and doing is assertiveness. Assertiveness is how you express confidence and they feed into each other. Build a vocabulary of assertive words.
10. Some techniques a. Every word matters b. prove to your self that you believe in your abilities c. express your needs unapologetically. d. Speak only when matters e. Say less as every work needs brain processing power f. Remove fillers g. Never undersell h. Cut the excess. I. When in doubt fall back on experience. J. Use ‘ I am confident’.
11. Whiling dealing with difficult people when they insult or offend you , follow the below : a. Give a long pause b. Slowly repeat what they said. C. Keep breath control to ensure you don’t tighten your body or muddle your thinking.
12. When rude or dismissive a. Short pause b. Ask question of intent c. wait
13. Build boundaries in your conversation, give the other person an operators manual for how to communicate with you and not a remote control.
14. Set direction by telling what you want to speak about . You project the intended results and setting the detection of the conversation. Frames enhance listening as the other person does not have to listen for anything else.
May 9, 2025
One of the best books I’ve read this year. I learned so much and he has some very helpful, very practical tips on how to communicate better. This is a must for everyone and is a great guide on how to improve your communication both personally and professionally. I especially like how he said that the goal is never to win an argument and that you need to be intentional about the conversation before it even begins. Fantastic book!
April 1, 2025
A must read. Very basic, but very powerful tools and advice.
March 26, 2025
3.5 stars
Some good nuggets in there, but I've read crucial conversations and other similar books and there was a lot of overlay. Nonetheless worth picking up, especially if you haven't read any books about communication.
Some good nuggets in there, but I've read crucial conversations and other similar books and there was a lot of overlay. Nonetheless worth picking up, especially if you haven't read any books about communication.
March 22, 2025
It’s becoming more difficult to connect with each other, but this book offers guideposts back to authentic communication. Mr. Fisher is an invaluable resource in my communication and the concepts are spot on!
July 12, 2025
Most people don’t know how to talk during a conflict. They either blow up or shut down. I’ve done both. Neither works.
Jefferson Fisher offers a better way. He’s a lawyer who deals with tough conversations daily. In his book, “The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, he says the words we choose shape everything. That includes how we feel, how we connect, and what happens next.
When in a difficult conversation, his first advice: pause. Not forever. Just five to ten seconds. That pause can save you from saying something you’ll regret. It slows things down. It lets you breathe. And breathing gives you control.
Next, don’t start sentences with “you” in a fight. Say “I” instead. Like, “I feel left out” instead of “You never listen.” It sounds softer. It keeps people from getting defensive. And it lets them hear you, not fight you.
Saying “no” matters too. Most of us make it awkward. We dance around it or say yes when we mean no. Fisher gives a kind three-step way to say no: be direct, show gratitude, and stay kind. “I’ll have to pass, but thank you for asking. I hope it goes great.” Simple. Clear. Kind.
The book isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about keeping trust. Fisher says winning an argument often means losing a relationship. Most arguments don’t need a winner. They need a pause. A breath. A reset.
Another big tip? Don’t water down your words. Drop the filler “just,” “kinda,” “I guess.” Say what you mean. Don’t say, “I hate to bother you.” Say, “I have a question.” That tiny change builds confidence.
He also says to stop saying, “I disagree.” It sounds like a punch. Instead, say, “I see it differently,” or “I take a different approach.” You keep the peace and still make your point.
Fisher says you don’t have to be naturally assertive. The right words will do the work for you. It takes practice. But anyone can learn it.
Lots of good advice to keep in mind the next time you are drawn into a political discussion.
Key Pieces of Advice From The Book:
• Use short pauses to stay in control during heated conversations
• Start sentences with "I" instead of "You" to avoid triggering defensiveness
• Say "no" clearly with a mix of honesty, gratitude, and kindness
• Winning arguments often damages trust and relationships
• Use assertive language to show confidence and build credibility
• Avoid filler words and weak phrases that reduce your impact
• Repeat hurtful or rude statements slowly to make others reflect
• Ask questions of intent or outcome to defuse insults and rudeness
• Use respectful disagreement phrases like "I see it differently"
• Align communication with personal values to stay authentic in conflict
Jefferson Fisher offers a better way. He’s a lawyer who deals with tough conversations daily. In his book, “The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, he says the words we choose shape everything. That includes how we feel, how we connect, and what happens next.
When in a difficult conversation, his first advice: pause. Not forever. Just five to ten seconds. That pause can save you from saying something you’ll regret. It slows things down. It lets you breathe. And breathing gives you control.
Next, don’t start sentences with “you” in a fight. Say “I” instead. Like, “I feel left out” instead of “You never listen.” It sounds softer. It keeps people from getting defensive. And it lets them hear you, not fight you.
Saying “no” matters too. Most of us make it awkward. We dance around it or say yes when we mean no. Fisher gives a kind three-step way to say no: be direct, show gratitude, and stay kind. “I’ll have to pass, but thank you for asking. I hope it goes great.” Simple. Clear. Kind.
The book isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about keeping trust. Fisher says winning an argument often means losing a relationship. Most arguments don’t need a winner. They need a pause. A breath. A reset.
Another big tip? Don’t water down your words. Drop the filler “just,” “kinda,” “I guess.” Say what you mean. Don’t say, “I hate to bother you.” Say, “I have a question.” That tiny change builds confidence.
He also says to stop saying, “I disagree.” It sounds like a punch. Instead, say, “I see it differently,” or “I take a different approach.” You keep the peace and still make your point.
Fisher says you don’t have to be naturally assertive. The right words will do the work for you. It takes practice. But anyone can learn it.
Lots of good advice to keep in mind the next time you are drawn into a political discussion.
Key Pieces of Advice From The Book:
• Use short pauses to stay in control during heated conversations
• Start sentences with "I" instead of "You" to avoid triggering defensiveness
• Say "no" clearly with a mix of honesty, gratitude, and kindness
• Winning arguments often damages trust and relationships
• Use assertive language to show confidence and build credibility
• Avoid filler words and weak phrases that reduce your impact
• Repeat hurtful or rude statements slowly to make others reflect
• Ask questions of intent or outcome to defuse insults and rudeness
• Use respectful disagreement phrases like "I see it differently"
• Align communication with personal values to stay authentic in conflict
June 18, 2025
I like what I know of Jefferson Fisher. He's all of my favorite things: He's classy, kind, and smart. He's confident yet humble. And best of all, he brings the standard of grace to the equation.
I've been watching Jefferson's reels for a while and when I learned he had a book coming out, I jumped on the waiting list. It didn't disappoint.
This is useful stuff.
The only thing I'm not wild about is the second part of the title, "Argue Less, Talk More."
It could make it sound like a book for argumentative people, which it's not meant to be, and Jefferson's advice is not to talk more, but to use fewer words more efficiently.
The aim is to communicate more effectively. He demonstrates how to be assertive, when to stand up for yourself and when something isn't worthy of your response. How to deal with difficult people and situations, assert boundaries, and stay calm in stressful conversations.
His book is excellent! Easily readable and highly applicable.
_____________
When done right, conflict isn't a fight. It's an opportunity. It's a catalyst for real, meaningful connection, if you're willing to see it.
And here's another truth: Sometimes not connecting is the right choice. Sometimes disconnection is the answer. ..
There are some interactions in which you shouldn't be meeting them anywhere near their level.
In assertive communication, the balance says, "I respect you, and I respect myself." That's the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Aggressive communication doesn't care about respecting the other person. Assertive communication does.
Standing your ground and speaking up for yourself is self-care.
It's okay to prioritize your well being, to say what you need to say in a way that honors you and the world around you. And when you do, you'll find that it'll make you healthier, happier, and more authentic to who you truly are.
Your peace of mind isn't negotiable.
You don't need to excuse or justify why you're choosing what's right for you.
I've been watching Jefferson's reels for a while and when I learned he had a book coming out, I jumped on the waiting list. It didn't disappoint.
This is useful stuff.
The only thing I'm not wild about is the second part of the title, "Argue Less, Talk More."
It could make it sound like a book for argumentative people, which it's not meant to be, and Jefferson's advice is not to talk more, but to use fewer words more efficiently.
The aim is to communicate more effectively. He demonstrates how to be assertive, when to stand up for yourself and when something isn't worthy of your response. How to deal with difficult people and situations, assert boundaries, and stay calm in stressful conversations.
His book is excellent! Easily readable and highly applicable.
_____________
When done right, conflict isn't a fight. It's an opportunity. It's a catalyst for real, meaningful connection, if you're willing to see it.
And here's another truth: Sometimes not connecting is the right choice. Sometimes disconnection is the answer. ..
There are some interactions in which you shouldn't be meeting them anywhere near their level.
In assertive communication, the balance says, "I respect you, and I respect myself." That's the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Aggressive communication doesn't care about respecting the other person. Assertive communication does.
Standing your ground and speaking up for yourself is self-care.
It's okay to prioritize your well being, to say what you need to say in a way that honors you and the world around you. And when you do, you'll find that it'll make you healthier, happier, and more authentic to who you truly are.
Your peace of mind isn't negotiable.
You don't need to excuse or justify why you're choosing what's right for you.
July 2, 2025
Korisna knjiga napisana jednostavnim leksikonom. Lako se čita, zanimljiva je, i nudi konkretne primjere – što mi se posebno svidjelo.
Također mi je super što autor često koristi situacije iz vlastitog života i karijere odvjetnika. Anegdote su zabavne, realne i daju dobar kontekst za savjete koje dijeli.
Svakome će se više svidjeti neko drugo poglavlje, ovisno o tome gdje se tko prepozna, a meni su najdraža bila ona o dahu i stankama.
Tu sam si čak i zapisala nekoliko rečenica koje su mi se posebno svidjele:
"Nije mogla kontrolirati njegova pitanja, stoga je odlučila kontrolirati sebe."
"Šutnja je mudrost koja čeka."
"Kratke stanke naočale su za čitanje."
"Duge stanke su zrcala."
"Kad usvojite tišinu stanke, preuzimate kontrolu nad brzinom sukoba. To je kao da se koristite kočnicama na automobilu: kontroliranjem brzine razgovora na siguran ga način možete usmjeriti prema željenom ishodu."
I za kraj moram pohvaliti kazalo na kraju knjige, s temama i brojevima stranica.
Smatram da je to odlična i pametna ideja jer se lako može vratiti na dio koji te zanima, bez da listaš cijelu knjigu.
Sve u svemu, knjiga mi se stvarno svidjela i drago mi je što sam je pročitala.
Znam da nije uvijek lako biti “on point” u razgovorima, ali stvarno mislim da bi se svi trebali barem pokušati voditi ovim savjetima.
Vjerujem da ću joj se još vraćati.
Također mi je super što autor često koristi situacije iz vlastitog života i karijere odvjetnika. Anegdote su zabavne, realne i daju dobar kontekst za savjete koje dijeli.
Svakome će se više svidjeti neko drugo poglavlje, ovisno o tome gdje se tko prepozna, a meni su najdraža bila ona o dahu i stankama.
Tu sam si čak i zapisala nekoliko rečenica koje su mi se posebno svidjele:
"Nije mogla kontrolirati njegova pitanja, stoga je odlučila kontrolirati sebe."
"Šutnja je mudrost koja čeka."
"Kratke stanke naočale su za čitanje."
"Duge stanke su zrcala."
"Kad usvojite tišinu stanke, preuzimate kontrolu nad brzinom sukoba. To je kao da se koristite kočnicama na automobilu: kontroliranjem brzine razgovora na siguran ga način možete usmjeriti prema željenom ishodu."
I za kraj moram pohvaliti kazalo na kraju knjige, s temama i brojevima stranica.
Smatram da je to odlična i pametna ideja jer se lako može vratiti na dio koji te zanima, bez da listaš cijelu knjigu.
Sve u svemu, knjiga mi se stvarno svidjela i drago mi je što sam je pročitala.
Znam da nije uvijek lako biti “on point” u razgovorima, ali stvarno mislim da bi se svi trebali barem pokušati voditi ovim savjetima.
Vjerujem da ću joj se još vraćati.
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