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You Wanna Be on Top?: A Memoir of Makeovers, Manipulation, and Not Becoming America's Next Top Model
In this revealing memoir, a fan favorite America’s Next Top Model contestant pulls back the curtain on the iconic but deeply flawed reality competition show, exposing the manipulation and chaos behind the scenes.
Tyra Banks’s America’s Next Top Model was a cultural phenomenon with over six million weekly viewers at its peak. Over its fifteen-year run, the show captured the glitz of the early aughts as well as its most toxic attitudes—from the glamorous but often questionable photo shoots to the cutting feedback from its highly respected if out-of-touch judges. Watching ANTM now, it feels impossible to imagine a show like this airing today, and as its fans have grown up, they’ve also begun to reckon with the enduring ways that the show has affected their body image and self-esteem.
Sarah Hartshorne would have never guessed that her first foray into modeling would start with being blindfolded alongside three dozen other girls on a charter bus winding through Puerto Rico. In You Wanna Be On Top?, Cycle 9’s only plus-size contestant takes us into the heart of the unforgiving auditions; the labyrinthian cruise ship the girls weren’t allowed to enjoy; and, of course, the L.A. “Model House” teeming with hidden cameras and elaborately constructed tensions. As the season unfolds and the producers’ interview questions about her weight and her opinions of the other girls become increasingly pointed, Hartshorne uncovers the destabilizing methods employed to film “reality.”
Drawing on her experience as well as interviews with other contestants and production crew, Hartshorne answers the questions you always wanted to Why didn’t the house have a microwave or a dishwasher? Why did girls regularly faint during eliminations? Which judge was the meanest off-camera? Why is it that the girls had their most meaningful conversations in closets? ( It was the one place camera crews couldn’t fit.)
With tender honesty and sharp wit, Hartshorne dissects the iconic show with an unflinching gaze that refuses to smize.
Tyra Banks’s America’s Next Top Model was a cultural phenomenon with over six million weekly viewers at its peak. Over its fifteen-year run, the show captured the glitz of the early aughts as well as its most toxic attitudes—from the glamorous but often questionable photo shoots to the cutting feedback from its highly respected if out-of-touch judges. Watching ANTM now, it feels impossible to imagine a show like this airing today, and as its fans have grown up, they’ve also begun to reckon with the enduring ways that the show has affected their body image and self-esteem.
Sarah Hartshorne would have never guessed that her first foray into modeling would start with being blindfolded alongside three dozen other girls on a charter bus winding through Puerto Rico. In You Wanna Be On Top?, Cycle 9’s only plus-size contestant takes us into the heart of the unforgiving auditions; the labyrinthian cruise ship the girls weren’t allowed to enjoy; and, of course, the L.A. “Model House” teeming with hidden cameras and elaborately constructed tensions. As the season unfolds and the producers’ interview questions about her weight and her opinions of the other girls become increasingly pointed, Hartshorne uncovers the destabilizing methods employed to film “reality.”
Drawing on her experience as well as interviews with other contestants and production crew, Hartshorne answers the questions you always wanted to Why didn’t the house have a microwave or a dishwasher? Why did girls regularly faint during eliminations? Which judge was the meanest off-camera? Why is it that the girls had their most meaningful conversations in closets? ( It was the one place camera crews couldn’t fit.)
With tender honesty and sharp wit, Hartshorne dissects the iconic show with an unflinching gaze that refuses to smize.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published July 8, 2025
404 people are currently reading
13144 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Hartshorne
1 book19 followersSarah Hartshorne is a writer, comedian, and content creator. She was the plus-size contestant on Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model. After the show, she modeled all over the world for clients like Glamour, Vogue, Skechers, and more. She’s written about her experiences with plus-size modeling, travel, and body image for The Guardian, Gawker, and Teen Vogue. She lives in New York City with her husband and daughter.
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August 28, 2025LOVED! THIS! BOOK! if you grew up in the era of America's Next Top Model, pleaseee add this to your TBR asap. Sarah was on Cycle 9 of ANTM and just learning about the behind the scenes info was wiiiiild. and please listen to it!! Sarah's narration was hilarious, i was laughing out loud over and over. just everything i love about memoirs; the logistics, the realness, just didnt want this one to end!
July 1, 2025
I don't usually do one-liners (or one-ish-liners), but this calls for one: If you watched ANTM back in the day and still think about it sometimes, read this book. Skip the reviews and go straight for the book. Just do it.
Oh gosh. This book. This show. America's Next Top Model is possibly the first show of which I watched entire seasons—it was the mid-2000s, I was in boarding school, and there was a television in the hall lounge. (Television wasn't a thing at home, hence not really having watched most other shows.) ANTM was still new (cycle 2 when I entered boarding school), and my dorm was obsessed. The contestants seemed so glamorous, and at that point Tyra Banks still seemed mostly sane. We were young and we were dumb—like, really nerdy and book-smart, but also really dumb—and for a while when cycle 3 or 4 was airing we tried to talk the tallest, thinnest girl on hall into sending in an audition tape. (She was also possibly the shyest girl on hall, so fortunately she sensibly ignored us.)
Hartshorne's season (cycle 9) aired when I was in college, and I know I was still watching—I know I watched the entirety of her season—though I can't remember if it was a watch-on-the-dorm-TV thing or a watch-on-my-laptop thing. It's been years since I've been able to stomach even a snippet of Tyra Banks talking, and all of the seasons blend together, and when I looked up Hartshorne and the various other contestants she mentions I went "oh yeah, I remember her", and then I had to look them all up again repeatedly because really, I watched a lot of ANTM and it was a long time ago.
I didn't know that this was the ANTM book I've been waiting for since high school, but this is just about everything I could have hoped for in an ANTM memoir. I had to force myself not to read the entire thing in a day; instead I read the entire thing in a day and a half. Hartshorne is writing from enough distance to have eyes wide open, and better than that, she's funny (which maybe you should expect from a comedian! But again, I have followed exactly none of the contestant's careers, so what do I know).
"What's everybody's schtick?" asked one girl.
"I was just wondering that!" I said. "I think I'd be the ditzy one."
"That's so silly!" said a girl with piercing blue eyes. "I'd be the beautiful one," she added, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.
Maybe, I thought, I will be the second-most ditzy one. (loc. 298*)
And later:
After a while, one of the girls whispered, "I think they're taking us to meet with a therapist."
[...]
"My parents will be so mad if they find out I talked to a therapist."
"So will my boyfriend!"
My eyes bugged out of my head. I wanted to tell them those were actually both great reasons to see a therapist. (loc. 623)
But it's also really, really thoughtful. If any of the girls mentioned above made it to the actual show—the first quote is from the open call Hartshorne went to; the second is from the pre-show chaos in Puerto Rico, when they were down to 50-odd girls but the eventual cast had yet to be finalized—we never find out, and they can't be identified from that info alone; later, although Hartshorne is biting about some of the people involved in the production of the show (certain personalities Do Not Come Off Well, to say the least), she says this about conversations with the other contestants: We talked about everything: ambitions, creative desires, sex. And since I would never share any of their stories, I can only tell you my own contributions (loc. 1745). Though the other contestants show up repeatedly, as well they should, Hartshorne writes of them with nothing but respect—if this is a tell-all, they are not the people who need to be told on.
Reality TV is manufactured reality, of course; by now most of us know this. But as the book goes on, it becomes clearer and clearer just how much the show prioritized the show (and their own paychecks—the contestants, of course, were not being paid beyond a not-guaranteed food stipend) over reality or over the contestants' well-being. I'll leave most of the stories to Hartshorne's telling (did I not tell you to skip the reviews and go read the book already?), but I do want to talk about the completely bonkers scenario of being a plus-sized model on this show.
Of course, I was also looking at everyone's physical size and comparing it with mine. I wondered if they could all instantly tell that I was the plus-size contestant. (loc. 1215)
I'm not here to discuss Hartshorne's body or size (or the bodies or sizes of any of the other contestants), but it is absolutely batshit that—on ANTM, but also in the modelling industry more generally—the size window for "straight size" models is so narrow that it might not be immediately clear who is classed as "plus size". I mean, the entire sizing thing is batshit, but it feels like an extra kind of fucked up to bring on someone barely larger than the "straight size" contestants and make a big deal about how she's bigger. (There's also the part where pretty much everything ANTM did for the plus-sized contestants had nothing to do with industry reality? Like, cutting off all of Hartshorne's hair and thus making her unbookable at agencies that hired plus-sized models; handing out a one-size-fits-all prize contract with an agency that did not work with plus-sized models...)
But more than that, it was immediately clear to Hartshorne that the show had a specific storyline for her, and that story was Sad Fat Girl:
And now, as I looked around at all these achingly thin girls, it was starting to hit me that every challenge, every panel, every conversation going forward, was going to be about my weight. That was going to be My Thing, no matter what else I did. (loc. 583)
"Do you think it [a near-collision] was because you're plus-size, because you took up more of the runway?" (loc. 1885)
I didn't want to do a naked photo shoot. It wasn't the actual being naked I was dreading. I'd run around the house naked. I was dreading the interview that would inevitably follow. (loc. 2334)
They kept pressuring me to say that I hated my outfit, that I hated my body, that I was uncomfortable. And I just wouldn't. [...] while I didn't like my body, I wasn't going to say it. I was holding on to my dignity by a thread, but goddamn it, I wasn't going to let go. When the episode aired, they showed me saying things they took completely out of context—"That makes me super uncomfortable" and "I don't like it"—and made it seem like I was talking about my outfit. (loc. 2998)
Hartshorne was aware enough of what the show wanted from her that she developed a strategy (an excellent strategy, I must say) of trotting out whale facts instead of sound bites, but the whole thing is just...telling. Not surprising, but telling.
I don't know whether we've seen so few ANTM memoirs because of the dire warnings the producers gave the contestants about NDAs and so on (the gist of which: we own your life story now, and we can say whatever we want but you can't say anything at all or we will bankrupt you and your children and your children's children), but I am over here praying that this releases the floodgates—and that, in the meantime, Hartshorne makes some serious bank on it. Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book instead.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Oh gosh. This book. This show. America's Next Top Model is possibly the first show of which I watched entire seasons—it was the mid-2000s, I was in boarding school, and there was a television in the hall lounge. (Television wasn't a thing at home, hence not really having watched most other shows.) ANTM was still new (cycle 2 when I entered boarding school), and my dorm was obsessed. The contestants seemed so glamorous, and at that point Tyra Banks still seemed mostly sane. We were young and we were dumb—like, really nerdy and book-smart, but also really dumb—and for a while when cycle 3 or 4 was airing we tried to talk the tallest, thinnest girl on hall into sending in an audition tape. (She was also possibly the shyest girl on hall, so fortunately she sensibly ignored us.)
Hartshorne's season (cycle 9) aired when I was in college, and I know I was still watching—I know I watched the entirety of her season—though I can't remember if it was a watch-on-the-dorm-TV thing or a watch-on-my-laptop thing. It's been years since I've been able to stomach even a snippet of Tyra Banks talking, and all of the seasons blend together, and when I looked up Hartshorne and the various other contestants she mentions I went "oh yeah, I remember her", and then I had to look them all up again repeatedly because really, I watched a lot of ANTM and it was a long time ago.
I didn't know that this was the ANTM book I've been waiting for since high school, but this is just about everything I could have hoped for in an ANTM memoir. I had to force myself not to read the entire thing in a day; instead I read the entire thing in a day and a half. Hartshorne is writing from enough distance to have eyes wide open, and better than that, she's funny (which maybe you should expect from a comedian! But again, I have followed exactly none of the contestant's careers, so what do I know).
"What's everybody's schtick?" asked one girl.
"I was just wondering that!" I said. "I think I'd be the ditzy one."
"That's so silly!" said a girl with piercing blue eyes. "I'd be the beautiful one," she added, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.
Maybe, I thought, I will be the second-most ditzy one. (loc. 298*)
And later:
After a while, one of the girls whispered, "I think they're taking us to meet with a therapist."
[...]
"My parents will be so mad if they find out I talked to a therapist."
"So will my boyfriend!"
My eyes bugged out of my head. I wanted to tell them those were actually both great reasons to see a therapist. (loc. 623)
But it's also really, really thoughtful. If any of the girls mentioned above made it to the actual show—the first quote is from the open call Hartshorne went to; the second is from the pre-show chaos in Puerto Rico, when they were down to 50-odd girls but the eventual cast had yet to be finalized—we never find out, and they can't be identified from that info alone; later, although Hartshorne is biting about some of the people involved in the production of the show (certain personalities Do Not Come Off Well, to say the least), she says this about conversations with the other contestants: We talked about everything: ambitions, creative desires, sex. And since I would never share any of their stories, I can only tell you my own contributions (loc. 1745). Though the other contestants show up repeatedly, as well they should, Hartshorne writes of them with nothing but respect—if this is a tell-all, they are not the people who need to be told on.
Reality TV is manufactured reality, of course; by now most of us know this. But as the book goes on, it becomes clearer and clearer just how much the show prioritized the show (and their own paychecks—the contestants, of course, were not being paid beyond a not-guaranteed food stipend) over reality or over the contestants' well-being. I'll leave most of the stories to Hartshorne's telling (did I not tell you to skip the reviews and go read the book already?), but I do want to talk about the completely bonkers scenario of being a plus-sized model on this show.
Of course, I was also looking at everyone's physical size and comparing it with mine. I wondered if they could all instantly tell that I was the plus-size contestant. (loc. 1215)
I'm not here to discuss Hartshorne's body or size (or the bodies or sizes of any of the other contestants), but it is absolutely batshit that—on ANTM, but also in the modelling industry more generally—the size window for "straight size" models is so narrow that it might not be immediately clear who is classed as "plus size". I mean, the entire sizing thing is batshit, but it feels like an extra kind of fucked up to bring on someone barely larger than the "straight size" contestants and make a big deal about how she's bigger. (There's also the part where pretty much everything ANTM did for the plus-sized contestants had nothing to do with industry reality? Like, cutting off all of Hartshorne's hair and thus making her unbookable at agencies that hired plus-sized models; handing out a one-size-fits-all prize contract with an agency that did not work with plus-sized models...)
But more than that, it was immediately clear to Hartshorne that the show had a specific storyline for her, and that story was Sad Fat Girl:
And now, as I looked around at all these achingly thin girls, it was starting to hit me that every challenge, every panel, every conversation going forward, was going to be about my weight. That was going to be My Thing, no matter what else I did. (loc. 583)
"Do you think it [a near-collision] was because you're plus-size, because you took up more of the runway?" (loc. 1885)
I didn't want to do a naked photo shoot. It wasn't the actual being naked I was dreading. I'd run around the house naked. I was dreading the interview that would inevitably follow. (loc. 2334)
They kept pressuring me to say that I hated my outfit, that I hated my body, that I was uncomfortable. And I just wouldn't. [...] while I didn't like my body, I wasn't going to say it. I was holding on to my dignity by a thread, but goddamn it, I wasn't going to let go. When the episode aired, they showed me saying things they took completely out of context—"That makes me super uncomfortable" and "I don't like it"—and made it seem like I was talking about my outfit. (loc. 2998)
Hartshorne was aware enough of what the show wanted from her that she developed a strategy (an excellent strategy, I must say) of trotting out whale facts instead of sound bites, but the whole thing is just...telling. Not surprising, but telling.
I don't know whether we've seen so few ANTM memoirs because of the dire warnings the producers gave the contestants about NDAs and so on (the gist of which: we own your life story now, and we can say whatever we want but you can't say anything at all or we will bankrupt you and your children and your children's children), but I am over here praying that this releases the floodgates—and that, in the meantime, Hartshorne makes some serious bank on it. Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book instead.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
March 4, 2025
”And the reality is … it was a cult. I got suckered into a cult."
Not many people know this about me, but I love trash tv. My love for those kinds of shows started with this series and that led me down a rabbit hole that I'm not sure I'll ever get out of. Seeing Sarah write about her experiences on the show had me rushing to get my hands on a copy of this.
Talk about scandalous. This is sizzling!
Let me tell you, my draw dropped as I read this. It hung open the entire damn time. I could not believe what the producers, crew, co-hosts, and even Tyra put these ladies through. If you learn one thing from this, it's that you never really know a person.
Sarah bravely shares her experiences, revealing the struggles she and others faced just to be part of the show and to remain on it. It was both heart-wrenching and eye-opening, and I could feel the pain in every word. As I continued reading, my shock deepened. The illusion that everything was wonderful, with just a hint of drama, was shattered. The reality is far more cruel than we could have imagined.
In the past, we saw the judges as supportive and caring figures. Now, when I look back, I can recall all those hurtful words and the disdainful glances from those who were meant to uplift you in your career. It’s incredibly disheartening and speaks to a deeper level of betrayal.
"You Wanna Be on Top?" is a heartfelt memoir that has profoundly changed my understanding of reality TV. It’s important to remember that appearances can be deceiving, and this book will truly open your eyes to the unseen struggles behind the scenes.
Not many people know this about me, but I love trash tv. My love for those kinds of shows started with this series and that led me down a rabbit hole that I'm not sure I'll ever get out of. Seeing Sarah write about her experiences on the show had me rushing to get my hands on a copy of this.
Talk about scandalous. This is sizzling!
Let me tell you, my draw dropped as I read this. It hung open the entire damn time. I could not believe what the producers, crew, co-hosts, and even Tyra put these ladies through. If you learn one thing from this, it's that you never really know a person.
Sarah bravely shares her experiences, revealing the struggles she and others faced just to be part of the show and to remain on it. It was both heart-wrenching and eye-opening, and I could feel the pain in every word. As I continued reading, my shock deepened. The illusion that everything was wonderful, with just a hint of drama, was shattered. The reality is far more cruel than we could have imagined.
In the past, we saw the judges as supportive and caring figures. Now, when I look back, I can recall all those hurtful words and the disdainful glances from those who were meant to uplift you in your career. It’s incredibly disheartening and speaks to a deeper level of betrayal.
"You Wanna Be on Top?" is a heartfelt memoir that has profoundly changed my understanding of reality TV. It’s important to remember that appearances can be deceiving, and this book will truly open your eyes to the unseen struggles behind the scenes.
Read
July 22, 2025Review forthcoming but I liked it! If you're a fan of gossipy nonfiction, go for it. Especially if you're a reality fan and required reading if you're an ANTM fan.
December 30, 2024
I have no shame.
I revel in bad reality competition shows. How bad? I remember things like ‘Who want’s to marry Harry’ and ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ with nostalgic fondness. I believe people should sashay away and not be there to make friends.
And, yes, I adored America’s Next Top Model – toxicity and all.
This is a memoir from a plus size (who, my god, was not large) model on the show, so it gives a slightly different perspective than you might get from most of the contestants. And the read made me almost feel actually guilty for enjoying the show! My goodness, what these poor models were put through.
This is absolutely unvarnished and most of the people behind the show come off like the parasites they likely are. I’m also now more enthralled with Miss Jay, who clearly treated the contestants with kindness and respect.
I do think this book is very much for the folks who have watched the show. If you’re just in the ‘kind of familiar’ camp, you may not get quite the satisfaction out of it.
I’m glad the author wrote the book…and really sorry for everything they put her through.
• ARC via Publisher
I revel in bad reality competition shows. How bad? I remember things like ‘Who want’s to marry Harry’ and ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ with nostalgic fondness. I believe people should sashay away and not be there to make friends.
And, yes, I adored America’s Next Top Model – toxicity and all.
This is a memoir from a plus size (who, my god, was not large) model on the show, so it gives a slightly different perspective than you might get from most of the contestants. And the read made me almost feel actually guilty for enjoying the show! My goodness, what these poor models were put through.
This is absolutely unvarnished and most of the people behind the show come off like the parasites they likely are. I’m also now more enthralled with Miss Jay, who clearly treated the contestants with kindness and respect.
I do think this book is very much for the folks who have watched the show. If you’re just in the ‘kind of familiar’ camp, you may not get quite the satisfaction out of it.
I’m glad the author wrote the book…and really sorry for everything they put her through.
• ARC via Publisher
September 7, 2025
Being a huge fan of the show America’s Next Top model, this was such an eye opener for what it was truly like to go through that competition. I could not stop reading this! Highly recommend
August 6, 2025
this was SUCH a good memoir. if you've ever been curious what happens behind the scenes of reality shows, specifically americas next top model, you need to read this. I can't believe the producers got away with treating the girls this way. I expected it to be bad but not THAT bad.
Sarah did such an amazing job telling her story, I truly felt like I was a contestant on the show with the details she gave. I'm so glad she's exposing them and how toxic the environment was. I can tell this wasn't easy for her so I admire her so much for writing it
Sarah did such an amazing job telling her story, I truly felt like I was a contestant on the show with the details she gave. I'm so glad she's exposing them and how toxic the environment was. I can tell this wasn't easy for her so I admire her so much for writing it
April 17, 2025
As an avid watcher of America's Next Top Model back in the day, I will happily read anything that comes out about contestants' experiences on the show, because everything they were put through was WILD. I think we can all look back at it now and recognize how much toxicity there clearly was on that set, and we can only imagine what went on that can't be talked about due to NDAs. I'm glad to hear Sarah Hartshorne's first hand account of what her experience was like on cycle 9 of the show, because we haven't gotten a lot of details from former contestants (I imagine out of fear of lawsuits or other retaliation), and this really felt like a diary of her time on ANTM. She expresses what it was like to be thrown into this completely unfamiliar situation as someone who didn't have any experience in the modeling or reality tv worlds, and how jarring it was to be under the control of a production team that ran a really tight ship. I had heard about how difficult the filming conditions were for the show, but Sarah included some instances that were really harrowing, such as health issues getting ignored, and long work days with little to no water, food, or bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, she also talks very openly about what it was like to be considered a plus-sized model even though she wasn't truly plus-sized, and how every interview on the show seemed to involve questions about whether or not she was insecure about her weight.
I think that fans of ANTM will find this book very interesting, harrowing, and a little bit nostalgic. I can also see it appealing to people who are just interested in the modeling industry, or the reality tv culture of the time.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!
I think that fans of ANTM will find this book very interesting, harrowing, and a little bit nostalgic. I can also see it appealing to people who are just interested in the modeling industry, or the reality tv culture of the time.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!
June 9, 2025
As someone who has seen every cycle of America's Next Top Model (more than once), I was absolutely the target audience for this book. It did not disappoint. Such a thoughtful examination of the experience of being on a reality show and all that entailed. Sarah's writing is sharp and her narration of the audiobook honest and moving. And I really enjoyed her references to Jia Tolentino and Amanda Montell's writing. Thank you to PRH Audio for an early listening copy. This really is a must read for anyone who consumed ANTM in the 2000s.
August 29, 2025
This was a fantastic memoir! Incredibly fascinating to learn about so much of what went on during ANTM and how contestants were treated. And I really loved the small tidbits we learned about the author (would have loved more of that)!! If you were an ANTM watcher honestly this is a must read. And the audio was so good. 👌🏼
July 4, 2025
I literally read this in one sitting.
You definitely have to be interested and have watched America’s Next Top Model to have loved this as much as I did. A great look into the cult-like, toxic environment of the show and I’m sure many other reality shows. I appreciated Hartshorne’s vulnerability and humor throughout as well, especially when it came to exploring themes around trauma and sexuality.
You definitely have to be interested and have watched America’s Next Top Model to have loved this as much as I did. A great look into the cult-like, toxic environment of the show and I’m sure many other reality shows. I appreciated Hartshorne’s vulnerability and humor throughout as well, especially when it came to exploring themes around trauma and sexuality.
July 31, 2025
I haven’t seen a single episode of America’s Next Top Model, but pop culture memoirs are fascinating, and I love getting book recs from Sounds Like a Cult Pod. Hartshorne, a “plus-sized” contestant on ANTM: Cycle 9, speaks to her experience, specifically regarding the models’ treatment, and the incessant harassment about her size and where she fits.
March 7, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a free ebook copy in exchange for an honest review. This book will be released July 8, 2025.
Ooo I was so excited when I got approved to read this one and let me tell you it did NOT disappoint!! JUICYYY.
I watched all of ANTM back in its day… you know before we all realized the issues and toxicity that the show had. I vaguely remembered Sarah and I definitely was ready for her to spill all the TEA. Oh, and tea was spilled but I also am happily surprised that while Sarah shared a look from behind the scenes and her experiences she was not malicious in any way just brutally honest about the conditions on the show.
You Wanna Be On Top? is a deliciously scandalous read in one sitting book. I’m still shocked at how these girls wellbeing was ignored (NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM FOR STARTERS) and how vile certain judges were at times with their comments and criticisms.
Also, for me this book is very thought provoking. It’s left me with a lot of questions like I wonder how many shows are still being made under the same or similar or WORSE conditions than this? Do we not have laws and regulations for this? I have QUESTIONS and CONCERNS especially as reality tv shows are still highly successful today.
This book sure did not disappoint in any way and I absolutely recommend it!!
Ooo I was so excited when I got approved to read this one and let me tell you it did NOT disappoint!! JUICYYY.
I watched all of ANTM back in its day… you know before we all realized the issues and toxicity that the show had. I vaguely remembered Sarah and I definitely was ready for her to spill all the TEA. Oh, and tea was spilled but I also am happily surprised that while Sarah shared a look from behind the scenes and her experiences she was not malicious in any way just brutally honest about the conditions on the show.
You Wanna Be On Top? is a deliciously scandalous read in one sitting book. I’m still shocked at how these girls wellbeing was ignored (NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM FOR STARTERS) and how vile certain judges were at times with their comments and criticisms.
Also, for me this book is very thought provoking. It’s left me with a lot of questions like I wonder how many shows are still being made under the same or similar or WORSE conditions than this? Do we not have laws and regulations for this? I have QUESTIONS and CONCERNS especially as reality tv shows are still highly successful today.
This book sure did not disappoint in any way and I absolutely recommend it!!
April 9, 2025
I remembered watch America's Next Top Model in high school, including Cycle 9, which Sarah Hartshorne was a contested on. In the memoir, she gives insight about the expectations of being on the show and the process of each challenge, shoot, and elimination rounds. Moreover, she goes into details with the behind the scenes information and ultimately, how the show exploited young women to be on the show at the attempts of becoming a famous model; poor working conditions with long hours, limited bathroom breaks and health scares; and the verbal abusive nature of the show's judges and producers.
I never read a book so fast to get more information about the show from a contestant perspective. I recommend the memoir for anyone who watched the show in the naught and 2010 decades.
TW: body image; eating disorders.
Thank you NetGalley & Crown Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You Wanna Be on Top? publishes on July 7, 2025.
I never read a book so fast to get more information about the show from a contestant perspective. I recommend the memoir for anyone who watched the show in the naught and 2010 decades.
TW: body image; eating disorders.
Thank you NetGalley & Crown Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You Wanna Be on Top? publishes on July 7, 2025.
June 16, 2025
Memoirs will always get 5⭐️ from me (who am I to judge someone’s life experience? 🤷🏼♀️) This was incredibly enlightening while also very hard to read at times, simply because no one wants to hear awful things about a show they loved watching. I knew it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, but the tactics they used on the contestants were AWFUL. I feel terrible for Sarah and for every other contestant that had to suffer through that abuse. If I ever rewatch ANTM, I will be viewing it through a MUCH different lens. Thanks so much for sending me an ARC of this book!
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July 9, 2025I don't rate biographies and memoirs.
This was a wild ride. Like most millennials I was obsessed with ANTM as a teenager, and it's probably helped contribute to the shitty body image a lot of us now have. So when I heard Sarah from cycle 9 was releasing a memoir I knew I had to read it.
And this gave me everything I was expecting, from the highly immoral practices surrounding working hours, to the manipulation and disregard for the contestants mental and physical health in the name of television. The amount of times Sarah in particular had to suffer through questions about her weight and diet were deeply depressing to read about. These young, incredibly vulnerable women, often pitted against each other, were raked across the coals for how they looked and acted an a daily basis. And then to read that they also had to spend several hours a day, often isolated, not able to talk to anyone or do anything - honestly prisoners had a better deal. I'd not be surprised if more contestants came out saying they have PTSD following their experience on the show. No-one spoke up for them, they had no voice and no advocate and yet they had to act grateful that they were there at all. As Sarah states, it was a cult, and they used all the right terminology and tactics to keep these girls down and exactly where they wanted them.
I really hope this opens the floodgates for more ANTM memoirs, because I found the juxtaposition between what I saw through jaded teenage eyes and what really went on backstage absolutely fascinating. If you watched the show growing up, or have an interest in behind the scenes of reality TV, give this a read. I devoured the whole thing in a day.
This was a wild ride. Like most millennials I was obsessed with ANTM as a teenager, and it's probably helped contribute to the shitty body image a lot of us now have. So when I heard Sarah from cycle 9 was releasing a memoir I knew I had to read it.
And this gave me everything I was expecting, from the highly immoral practices surrounding working hours, to the manipulation and disregard for the contestants mental and physical health in the name of television. The amount of times Sarah in particular had to suffer through questions about her weight and diet were deeply depressing to read about. These young, incredibly vulnerable women, often pitted against each other, were raked across the coals for how they looked and acted an a daily basis. And then to read that they also had to spend several hours a day, often isolated, not able to talk to anyone or do anything - honestly prisoners had a better deal. I'd not be surprised if more contestants came out saying they have PTSD following their experience on the show. No-one spoke up for them, they had no voice and no advocate and yet they had to act grateful that they were there at all. As Sarah states, it was a cult, and they used all the right terminology and tactics to keep these girls down and exactly where they wanted them.
I really hope this opens the floodgates for more ANTM memoirs, because I found the juxtaposition between what I saw through jaded teenage eyes and what really went on backstage absolutely fascinating. If you watched the show growing up, or have an interest in behind the scenes of reality TV, give this a read. I devoured the whole thing in a day.
July 14, 2025
Did I devour this book? Yes.
When I saw this title from a contestant in America’s Next Top Model, it was immediately added to my list. I loved that show like many of those my age did and I still like to go back and rewatch, even though the things I know now make it controversial. I’m so glad that all these former contestants are sharing their stories. I love a juicy memoir and this one didn’t disappoint! Sarah is also a good storyteller and very entertaining. I need a book from every contestant stat! Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for early access to this one.
When I saw this title from a contestant in America’s Next Top Model, it was immediately added to my list. I loved that show like many of those my age did and I still like to go back and rewatch, even though the things I know now make it controversial. I’m so glad that all these former contestants are sharing their stories. I love a juicy memoir and this one didn’t disappoint! Sarah is also a good storyteller and very entertaining. I need a book from every contestant stat! Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for early access to this one.
July 20, 2025
Read like you are watching a commentary track on season 9 of ANTM. Some inside info that was interesting but over all not anything groundbreaking.
September 2, 2025
Wait this was actually SO fucking good? I feel like I wouldn't have wanted to read books written by 99% of the contestants on this show but having seen Sarah's personality both while watching cycle nine in real time back in the day and then after rediscovering her through her TikTok, I had a feeling she was the correct person to do this and make it entertaining, interesting, and worth reading. I still didn't have the HIGHEST expectations for some reason (are reality show-centered memoirs ever really GOOD?) but alas, I was actually blown away by how strong this was.
The author makes her experience on the show and all of the behind-the-scenes happenings the focus, which is what I expected instead of a full-life memoir since no one is picking up this book to read about anything other than ANTM unfortunately, but she also includes parts of herself that tie into the show so beautifully, especially with her experiences related to being queer and coming out. This book was so HER VOICE and because of that, it felt genuine and poignant. Even though there is a lot of "here's all of the ANTM behind-the-scenes tea" – which comes from her memory, interviews with fellow contestants, and the journal that she kept throughout her time on the show – I think her takes are often incredibly balanced, especially with how she treats Tyra Banks, whom she fairly criticizes but also respects. I also don't think Tyra was 'evil' the way so many people refer to her when going back and rewatching this show, and I think this author does a great job showing the nuances with Tyra and other higher-level producers who were undoubtedly fucking awful at times, but mostly operating with the goal of 'good television' in mind. Of course, this goal just happened to be at the expense of young women, mostly uneducated and financially insecure, who didn't realize they were being exploited. I also enjoyed the juxtaposition between the author's clear disdain for Mr. Jay (who had the nerve to do that YouTube series during the pandemic about how awful ANTM was when he was literally part of the problem) and her admiration for Miss Jay, who came off as tough at times but was also a kind beacon of light for the contestants (and I loved the author's use of every pronoun when discussing him/her/them). I also found the look at the show's process when the cameras weren't on the most fascinating part of the story, from the author's experiences at an open call in Boston to being put 'on ice' and not allowed to speak on set when not being filmed to her elimination and how she and others were kept locked in hotel rooms for weeks – or months, in Ebony's case, which a producer admitted was a punishment for her quitting the show – without any idea when they'd be released.
Finally, while often dark and traumatic as a story, I also loved how straight-up funny this was. The author's sense of humor is silly and dry and weird and often made me laugh out loud. One of my favorite recurring jokes was her discussion of her cycle being the "environmentalism" cycle, and then any mention of anything related to the show to go against this cause – plastic water bottles in the fridge, fake plants in the house – would get a snarky little "you know, because environmentalism" comment. I'll leave you with a little excerpt that kind of encapsulates this topic and her humor around it, and also what you can expect from the book as a whole, because it really is all this good:
"Eventually, they brought us out to a dark parking lot. 'Ah,' I thought, 'the jig is up. Finally, we're going to be murdered.' Instead, the crew parted and revealed Mr. Jay, standing in front of a flowery green passenger van with 'Green Is the New Black: 100% Biodiesel' scrawled across the top. The theme of our cycle was, apparently, the environment. As one of the contestants, Mila, said, 'It's important to be aware of what keeps our earth good and stuff.' That about summed up the show's actual commitment to being eco-conscious. Mr. Jay stood there, his hair pristine, his face perfectly made up and miserable. 'Girls,' he said, 'this is going to be your vehicle for the entire competition. Now, it's time for this green machine to take you to your house, and then tomorrow, you're gonna have your first photo shoot.' We screamed and loaded into the van. It was beautiful and very on theme. The windows were covered with a decorative skin that made it look like we were driving through the rain forest. There was fake grass and faux wood paneling surrounding the pleather seats (made of recycled tires!). There was a giant picture of Tyra mounted on the back wall of the van (with a green leaf in front of her face!). There was a mini fridge stocked with tiny plastic water bottles (womp womp)."
The author makes her experience on the show and all of the behind-the-scenes happenings the focus, which is what I expected instead of a full-life memoir since no one is picking up this book to read about anything other than ANTM unfortunately, but she also includes parts of herself that tie into the show so beautifully, especially with her experiences related to being queer and coming out. This book was so HER VOICE and because of that, it felt genuine and poignant. Even though there is a lot of "here's all of the ANTM behind-the-scenes tea" – which comes from her memory, interviews with fellow contestants, and the journal that she kept throughout her time on the show – I think her takes are often incredibly balanced, especially with how she treats Tyra Banks, whom she fairly criticizes but also respects. I also don't think Tyra was 'evil' the way so many people refer to her when going back and rewatching this show, and I think this author does a great job showing the nuances with Tyra and other higher-level producers who were undoubtedly fucking awful at times, but mostly operating with the goal of 'good television' in mind. Of course, this goal just happened to be at the expense of young women, mostly uneducated and financially insecure, who didn't realize they were being exploited. I also enjoyed the juxtaposition between the author's clear disdain for Mr. Jay (who had the nerve to do that YouTube series during the pandemic about how awful ANTM was when he was literally part of the problem) and her admiration for Miss Jay, who came off as tough at times but was also a kind beacon of light for the contestants (and I loved the author's use of every pronoun when discussing him/her/them). I also found the look at the show's process when the cameras weren't on the most fascinating part of the story, from the author's experiences at an open call in Boston to being put 'on ice' and not allowed to speak on set when not being filmed to her elimination and how she and others were kept locked in hotel rooms for weeks – or months, in Ebony's case, which a producer admitted was a punishment for her quitting the show – without any idea when they'd be released.
Finally, while often dark and traumatic as a story, I also loved how straight-up funny this was. The author's sense of humor is silly and dry and weird and often made me laugh out loud. One of my favorite recurring jokes was her discussion of her cycle being the "environmentalism" cycle, and then any mention of anything related to the show to go against this cause – plastic water bottles in the fridge, fake plants in the house – would get a snarky little "you know, because environmentalism" comment. I'll leave you with a little excerpt that kind of encapsulates this topic and her humor around it, and also what you can expect from the book as a whole, because it really is all this good:
"Eventually, they brought us out to a dark parking lot. 'Ah,' I thought, 'the jig is up. Finally, we're going to be murdered.' Instead, the crew parted and revealed Mr. Jay, standing in front of a flowery green passenger van with 'Green Is the New Black: 100% Biodiesel' scrawled across the top. The theme of our cycle was, apparently, the environment. As one of the contestants, Mila, said, 'It's important to be aware of what keeps our earth good and stuff.' That about summed up the show's actual commitment to being eco-conscious. Mr. Jay stood there, his hair pristine, his face perfectly made up and miserable. 'Girls,' he said, 'this is going to be your vehicle for the entire competition. Now, it's time for this green machine to take you to your house, and then tomorrow, you're gonna have your first photo shoot.' We screamed and loaded into the van. It was beautiful and very on theme. The windows were covered with a decorative skin that made it look like we were driving through the rain forest. There was fake grass and faux wood paneling surrounding the pleather seats (made of recycled tires!). There was a giant picture of Tyra mounted on the back wall of the van (with a green leaf in front of her face!). There was a mini fridge stocked with tiny plastic water bottles (womp womp)."
August 21, 2025
for those of you who also grew up watching ANTM, this is essential reading I fear
August 29, 2025
if you watched ANTM this book is everythinggggg
June 30, 2025
4.5 STARS
As a child that was often left to their own devices (including unrestricted internet and television access), “America’s Next Top Model” was in frequent rotation, contributing to some hefty body dysmorphia and pre-pubescent brain rot. “ANTM” was such a big thing in my elementary years, it became a game commonly played on the playground, sleepovers, or at birthday parties. Being a little chubbier, I was often the photographer, pretending to snap photos of my twin and friends as they strut the “runway.” This was a feat I didn’t mind because it was the root of a lot of my creativity that would bloom later in life.
Anyone who has seen the show can acknowledge how intense of an impact it had on young people. Judges brutally analyzed the bodies of men and women in a way that former-viewers are still realizing left a major impact on them today. But… what was it like from the perspective of a contestant, themself? Grab your Motorola Razr and heels! Let’s dive into “ANTM” Cycle 9!
Sarah Hartshorne bluntly shares her experience in “You Wanna Be On Top?” She knows what you came here for and she delivers. This is NOT an “ANTM” namedrop/cash-grab secretly bound by an NDA and actually discussing everything besides the show. Hartshorne gets into the nitty gritty starting right when she decided to do the show and ending with her finishing up post-production with the show. The book’s only focus is on Hartshorne and the show, very little of her personal life is discussed outside of it. So, if you haven’t seen an episode of the show, you might be a little lost at times.
I appreciated how concise the book was and only focused on the events surrounding the show. It wasn’t flowery, but don’t be fooled, there was still plenty humor and depth found in this book. Hartshorne tackles things such as mistreatment and manipulation of the contestants, being a plus-size model, and so much more. It was a fascinating (albeit heartbreaking) glimpse into an “ANTM” cycle.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for sending me a free ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review!
As a child that was often left to their own devices (including unrestricted internet and television access), “America’s Next Top Model” was in frequent rotation, contributing to some hefty body dysmorphia and pre-pubescent brain rot. “ANTM” was such a big thing in my elementary years, it became a game commonly played on the playground, sleepovers, or at birthday parties. Being a little chubbier, I was often the photographer, pretending to snap photos of my twin and friends as they strut the “runway.” This was a feat I didn’t mind because it was the root of a lot of my creativity that would bloom later in life.
Anyone who has seen the show can acknowledge how intense of an impact it had on young people. Judges brutally analyzed the bodies of men and women in a way that former-viewers are still realizing left a major impact on them today. But… what was it like from the perspective of a contestant, themself? Grab your Motorola Razr and heels! Let’s dive into “ANTM” Cycle 9!
Sarah Hartshorne bluntly shares her experience in “You Wanna Be On Top?” She knows what you came here for and she delivers. This is NOT an “ANTM” namedrop/cash-grab secretly bound by an NDA and actually discussing everything besides the show. Hartshorne gets into the nitty gritty starting right when she decided to do the show and ending with her finishing up post-production with the show. The book’s only focus is on Hartshorne and the show, very little of her personal life is discussed outside of it. So, if you haven’t seen an episode of the show, you might be a little lost at times.
I appreciated how concise the book was and only focused on the events surrounding the show. It wasn’t flowery, but don’t be fooled, there was still plenty humor and depth found in this book. Hartshorne tackles things such as mistreatment and manipulation of the contestants, being a plus-size model, and so much more. It was a fascinating (albeit heartbreaking) glimpse into an “ANTM” cycle.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for sending me a free ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review!
July 20, 2025
OMG I was so looking forward to this book being a fan of such a toxic reality show. But it bored me to tears, and I skimmed at best to get through it. I don’t know if I wanted more dirt or more substance but just didn’t do it for me.
September 4, 2025
Growing up, I was a little bit too young to witness ANTM in it's heyday - I only recall catching snippets here and there if it was on tv when my brother's flipped through the channels - and for that, I am unexpectedly grateful. I did go on to watch the sporadic seasons that made it to Hulu in the past few years but watching it as an adult with a clearer understanding of what damage reality shows can do to young adolescents it was easier to view, akin to a car wreck - horrified but can't quite look away. ANTM not only warped perspectives of it's audience about fashion and body standards but at the brunt of the trauma were the contestants themselves (and the crew as well - the working hours described by Sarah are unfathomable). Sarah does an excellent job of balancing humor with the godawful truth in this memoir, shining a damning light only on those who deserve it, while preserving the integrity of all her other fellow models.
Watching ANTM now, especially the earliest seasons, I felt that Tyra Banks was doing something important, even if a bit misguided. She shed light on the flaws the model industry upheld, she seemed to be there and ultimately care for the contestants well being, she appeared to try her best to help models break into an industry rife with lecherous old men calling the shots to try and shake things up. And perhaps some of that is true, especially at the very beginning. But like Sarah points out, the reality television format is it's own pitfall. She likened it to a cult and with the ironclad NDAs, intimidation tactics, and stripping of personal liberties (no phones, no ability to eat or use the restroom at will, no talking without a camera, no clocks, no news, no basis in reality for months on end, all without pay and the measliest of food stipends) so regardless of the impact she was trying to have, Tyra and the producers were very much aware of the trauma they were adding and inflicting on an already unstable industry.
The best parts about this memoir was that Sarah got to direct her own story - the way the show has a narrative that they will stick to by the skin of their teeth regardless of what contestants are willing to give is baffling. Every earnest and growing moment Sarah goes on to describe in this book all conclude with similar statements - this never made it to air, this was cut, this had words taken out of context, etc. Reading this I found out that Sarah has scoliosis (hi fellow Sarah with a curvy spine, nice to meet you!), came out as bisexual (again, hello!), suffered an eating disorder (yeah :/)but ultimately felt so good about her body at photo shoots (not that the producers would ever get a sound byte without harping on and on about her "plus" size), and created bonds with the other models all going through the same things. She kept a journal during her time on the show which helped to remove the rose colored glasses of hindsight and that's what makes this memoir memorable and authentic.
Watching ANTM now, especially the earliest seasons, I felt that Tyra Banks was doing something important, even if a bit misguided. She shed light on the flaws the model industry upheld, she seemed to be there and ultimately care for the contestants well being, she appeared to try her best to help models break into an industry rife with lecherous old men calling the shots to try and shake things up. And perhaps some of that is true, especially at the very beginning. But like Sarah points out, the reality television format is it's own pitfall. She likened it to a cult and with the ironclad NDAs, intimidation tactics, and stripping of personal liberties (no phones, no ability to eat or use the restroom at will, no talking without a camera, no clocks, no news, no basis in reality for months on end, all without pay and the measliest of food stipends) so regardless of the impact she was trying to have, Tyra and the producers were very much aware of the trauma they were adding and inflicting on an already unstable industry.
The best parts about this memoir was that Sarah got to direct her own story - the way the show has a narrative that they will stick to by the skin of their teeth regardless of what contestants are willing to give is baffling. Every earnest and growing moment Sarah goes on to describe in this book all conclude with similar statements - this never made it to air, this was cut, this had words taken out of context, etc. Reading this I found out that Sarah has scoliosis (hi fellow Sarah with a curvy spine, nice to meet you!), came out as bisexual (again, hello!), suffered an eating disorder (yeah :/)but ultimately felt so good about her body at photo shoots (not that the producers would ever get a sound byte without harping on and on about her "plus" size), and created bonds with the other models all going through the same things. She kept a journal during her time on the show which helped to remove the rose colored glasses of hindsight and that's what makes this memoir memorable and authentic.
July 21, 2025
When she was 20 years old in 2007, Sarah Hartshorne was a contestant on cycle (season) 9 of the reality television competition series/Tyra Banks promotional vehicle, America's Next Top Model (ANTM). Hartshorne had no modeling experience prior to the show and finished in the middle of the pack, and her producer-foisted story arc was about her role as the only 'plus-sized' contestant of her cycle and how she was allegedly losing weight (note: Hartshorne denies losing weight, and says she was a size 6/8 at the time of the show's airing -- which in the fashion industry in the '00s - read: pre-'10s body positivity movement - might have been plus-sized but in the US general population is definitely not plus-sized!). After the show ended, Hartshorne pursued modeling for a number of years before transitioning to other fields like comedy and social media.
Hartshorne's 2025 memoir recaps her time on ANTM, drawn from her diaries, recollections, and interviews with other contestants on her and other cycles as well as production staff. I think she does a nice job of portraying how she thought and reacted at the time, versus how she's reflected on her experiences almost 20 years later. Hartshorne cites books like Amanda Montell's Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism and fellow adolescent reality TV contestant Jia Tolentino's Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion to explain what she went through in ways she couldn't articulate at the time. Hartshorne recounts how producers isolated and threatened contestants with lawsuits, how none were compensated for their time on the show beyond a meager food allowance, and how contestants were manipulated to give juicy soundbites talking smack about each other (and if they didn't deliver, then 'frankenbite' clips or clips taken out of context would often be used to create drama for storyline purposes) -- though, to be fair, this is all par for the course for reality TV even today, and 2007 was hardly the dawn of that era, so caveat emptor in a way (see books like Emily Nussbaum's Cue the Sun! The Invention of Reality TV and Danielle Lindeman's True Story: What Reality TV Says About Us for more context).
I'm Hartshorne's age and consistently watched ANTM as well as international spinoffs throughout the '00s and early '10s (as a teen/early 20-something who honestly needed better hobbies), though from the vantage point of snarking more than anything (I still have fond memories of raucous discourses on TWOP and other forums). I never had modeling aspirations and realized after the first 1-2 cycles of ANTM that it was purely made for entertainment and to promote Banks' aspirations of being the next Oprah, and that the show preyed on (largely) naïve, impressionable young women who were genetically blessed with height and attractiveness but (largely) not cognitively blessed (hence the common pejorative 'hamsters' for contestants). There are certainly exceptions - and as thecircusshow carried on into the early influencer era, I think more contestants were in on the joke and used the show entirely for self-promotional purposes, which is rather smart. But, I always felt bad for the genuinely naïve contestants who legitimately thought the show was a potential star vehicle for anyone besides its fake-smizing host -- and based on Hartshorne's book, I'd put her in this category.
I think ANTM watchers and fans would enjoy this book, though its appeal beyond that audience would be more limited. I'm glad Hartshorne found her voice and is using it on her own platforms (she has a social media presence commenting on ANTM as well) -- though there are several Youtube channels and other social media platforms that have interviewed many former contestants, it's always more authentic to me to hear them share their own story on their own terms.
Further reading (in addition to the books linked above):
Toxic: Women, Fame, and the Tabloid 2000s by Sarah Ditum
Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert
My statistics:
Book 225 for 2025
Book 2151 cumulatively
Hartshorne's 2025 memoir recaps her time on ANTM, drawn from her diaries, recollections, and interviews with other contestants on her and other cycles as well as production staff. I think she does a nice job of portraying how she thought and reacted at the time, versus how she's reflected on her experiences almost 20 years later. Hartshorne cites books like Amanda Montell's Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism and fellow adolescent reality TV contestant Jia Tolentino's Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion to explain what she went through in ways she couldn't articulate at the time. Hartshorne recounts how producers isolated and threatened contestants with lawsuits, how none were compensated for their time on the show beyond a meager food allowance, and how contestants were manipulated to give juicy soundbites talking smack about each other (and if they didn't deliver, then 'frankenbite' clips or clips taken out of context would often be used to create drama for storyline purposes) -- though, to be fair, this is all par for the course for reality TV even today, and 2007 was hardly the dawn of that era, so caveat emptor in a way (see books like Emily Nussbaum's Cue the Sun! The Invention of Reality TV and Danielle Lindeman's True Story: What Reality TV Says About Us for more context).
I'm Hartshorne's age and consistently watched ANTM as well as international spinoffs throughout the '00s and early '10s (as a teen/early 20-something who honestly needed better hobbies), though from the vantage point of snarking more than anything (I still have fond memories of raucous discourses on TWOP and other forums). I never had modeling aspirations and realized after the first 1-2 cycles of ANTM that it was purely made for entertainment and to promote Banks' aspirations of being the next Oprah, and that the show preyed on (largely) naïve, impressionable young women who were genetically blessed with height and attractiveness but (largely) not cognitively blessed (hence the common pejorative 'hamsters' for contestants). There are certainly exceptions - and as the
I think ANTM watchers and fans would enjoy this book, though its appeal beyond that audience would be more limited. I'm glad Hartshorne found her voice and is using it on her own platforms (she has a social media presence commenting on ANTM as well) -- though there are several Youtube channels and other social media platforms that have interviewed many former contestants, it's always more authentic to me to hear them share their own story on their own terms.
Further reading (in addition to the books linked above):
Toxic: Women, Fame, and the Tabloid 2000s by Sarah Ditum
Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert
My statistics:
Book 225 for 2025
Book 2151 cumulatively
August 13, 2025
Ok, perhaps I was a little too old for the show when it aired but nonetheless, I was obsessed with ANTM for many years. Meanwhile, I also knew it was exploitative and kind of evil:
--A girl who was criticized for gaining weight was assigned to pose with an elephant in the next photo shoot
--One had to apologize to a hat and was told she was trying too hard to be African
--One who was shaking with the beginnings of a panic attack had to shoot a commercial where she flirted and had physical contact with a male model, after she told someone she had trauma from SA (which was very fucking visible)
--Not one but TWO had to appear in photo shoots that were death themed after they got news that a friend had died
And, of course, THIS happened:
So years later, first out of the gate with an ANTM memoir is Sarah Hartshorne from cycle 9 (the one Saleisha won, not many people's fave TBH.) Don't remember her? Well, it has been a while.
You may also now be remembering her as the girl they kept hassling at panel for being "plus size" but she was losing weight. She would be interrogated constantly by the producers about this in her one-on-one interviews for her run on the series (she was eliminated sixth.)
What you want to know: Is this book full of tea? Bitch, the tea is coming out of my ears. You'll read all about her opinions on the judges (she's still nice, nicer than I think I would have been), what it's like to be a contestant (hours on ice, no control over when you eat or pee, you don't get paid except for a daily food stipend), meeting Tyson Beckford and Enrique Inglesias, and her friendships with some of the contestants (sounds like they remained cordial, if not close.)
AND, the mystery of the open granola bar box--the one that caused Bre to freak out in C5 and pour out Nicole's energy drinks--is at last resolved.
(Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous this sentence sounds.)
Sorry, and, AND, the video they shot with Enrique Inglesias (the episode Sarah is eliminated in) shot two versions, both with and without the ANTM girls. Guess which one they used? If you are familiar with the empty nature of some of the prizes on that show, you got it.
What is probably for the best but I still missed: I know some of the girls that season were hard to get along with or appeared to be, I wanted to hear more about them but Sarah keeps it classy.
What I had to re-evaluate: Janice Dickinson was awful, Paulina was somewhat less but still awful, but somehow I remembered Twiggy as being fairly pleasant. Then I read about her telling Sarah at judging once that she looked like "a ham." And that's just one example. Twiggers, I'm very disappointed.
What was not a surprise: Tyra was an untouchable buttoned up ice princess who got mad when a contestant went off script and hugged her, the producers really tried to push the narrative that all the girls were thirsting for Nigel, Mr. Jay was ok sometimes and kind of a dick sometimes (he's since said that he wasn't happy on the show), and Miss Jay was as sweet as you'd expect.
I just want to shout out into the void that I am ready to read allll of the ANTM memoirs there are, including for the cycles I didn't watch. Angelea? Alexandria? Caridee? Joannie? Yaya? Ann? Shandi? Alaysia? Bianca? Kayla? Jade? Celia? Allison? Aminat? Elise? Laura? Erin? Bre? Dionne? Please consider.
--A girl who was criticized for gaining weight was assigned to pose with an elephant in the next photo shoot
--One had to apologize to a hat and was told she was trying too hard to be African
--One who was shaking with the beginnings of a panic attack had to shoot a commercial where she flirted and had physical contact with a male model, after she told someone she had trauma from SA (which was very fucking visible)
--Not one but TWO had to appear in photo shoots that were death themed after they got news that a friend had died
And, of course, THIS happened:
So years later, first out of the gate with an ANTM memoir is Sarah Hartshorne from cycle 9 (the one Saleisha won, not many people's fave TBH.) Don't remember her? Well, it has been a while.
You may also now be remembering her as the girl they kept hassling at panel for being "plus size" but she was losing weight. She would be interrogated constantly by the producers about this in her one-on-one interviews for her run on the series (she was eliminated sixth.)
What you want to know: Is this book full of tea? Bitch, the tea is coming out of my ears. You'll read all about her opinions on the judges (she's still nice, nicer than I think I would have been), what it's like to be a contestant (hours on ice, no control over when you eat or pee, you don't get paid except for a daily food stipend), meeting Tyson Beckford and Enrique Inglesias, and her friendships with some of the contestants (sounds like they remained cordial, if not close.)
AND, the mystery of the open granola bar box--the one that caused Bre to freak out in C5 and pour out Nicole's energy drinks--is at last resolved.
(Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous this sentence sounds.)
Sorry, and, AND, the video they shot with Enrique Inglesias (the episode Sarah is eliminated in) shot two versions, both with and without the ANTM girls. Guess which one they used? If you are familiar with the empty nature of some of the prizes on that show, you got it.
What is probably for the best but I still missed: I know some of the girls that season were hard to get along with or appeared to be, I wanted to hear more about them but Sarah keeps it classy.
What I had to re-evaluate: Janice Dickinson was awful, Paulina was somewhat less but still awful, but somehow I remembered Twiggy as being fairly pleasant. Then I read about her telling Sarah at judging once that she looked like "a ham." And that's just one example. Twiggers, I'm very disappointed.
What was not a surprise: Tyra was an untouchable buttoned up ice princess who got mad when a contestant went off script and hugged her, the producers really tried to push the narrative that all the girls were thirsting for Nigel, Mr. Jay was ok sometimes and kind of a dick sometimes (he's since said that he wasn't happy on the show), and Miss Jay was as sweet as you'd expect.
I just want to shout out into the void that I am ready to read allll of the ANTM memoirs there are, including for the cycles I didn't watch. Angelea? Alexandria? Caridee? Joannie? Yaya? Ann? Shandi? Alaysia? Bianca? Kayla? Jade? Celia? Allison? Aminat? Elise? Laura? Erin? Bre? Dionne? Please consider.
August 17, 2025
Back in the day, a couple of friends and I got together to watch this show, and this is one of the seasons I remember. No surprise that the making of the show was a horrible experience, but still disappointing that the people in charge didn't seem to take better care of the contestants.
August 30, 2025
As someone who was a teen and young adult during the ANTM days and never missed an episode, I could not wait to get my hands on this book. Not only is it eye opening, but it’s so well written. Reading this book was like having a conversation with an old friend.
September 2, 2025
I’ve never watched ANTM but growing up with the diet culture of the 90’s/ 2000’s and as a big fan of reality tv i was curious ab this one and so glad i read it. I especially love listening to memoirs when the author narrates it and Sarah Hartshorne made me laugh out loud multiple times (between the trauma and manipulation)
July 31, 2025
super juicy but minus one star for the chiropractor propaganda
✰ 4 stars
platform: spotify audio
✰ 4 stars
platform: spotify audio
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