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304 pages, Hardcover
First published July 8, 2025
"Fair criticism doesn't exist," he'd said to me in the newsroom once. "Life isn't fair, so why should I be?"
Did I have a greater responsibility to the actors on stage, the company and crew who made this obviously high-budget and well-rehearsed show, or to the audience around me? Or to the people reading the paper, who would never see that particular production, but who kept up an interest in theatre and just wanted some opinions to chew over with their breakfast?
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How enormous a thing it must be to face the sum total of your flaws, and find that they were worse than you imagined, and obvious to everyone in the world except you. Maybe, like trying to look at the sun, it wasn’t quite possible yet for Alex to look at the truth about himself without experiencing so much pain that he then immediately had to look away again, dazzled by the brightness of his own cruelty.
How enormous a thing it must be to face the sum total of your flaws, and find that they were worse than you imagined, and obvious to everyone in the world except you. Maybe, like trying to look at the sun, it wasn’t quite possible yet for Alex to look at the truth about himself without experiencing so much pain that he then immediately had to look away again, dazzled by the brightness of his own cruelty.
…
I wanted to be near him in the same way that, standing on a cliff, you want to look over the edge.
…
“Haven’t you ever done something you regret? Why am I the only one who has to learn something here?”