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Nice Girls Don't Win: How I Burned It All Down to Claim My Power

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A bold, eye-opening memoir about survival, trauma, and healing from one of reality television’s most talked-about stars

At twenty-five years old, Parvati Shallow was plunged into fame and fortune after becoming the $1 million winner of the reality television series Survivor. But despite her success, the ghosts of her traumatic past, coupled with the harsh glare of the public eye, kept her locked in a survival cycle of fear and shame that sabotaged her self-confidence and eroded her self-trust. It wasn’t until a series of painful life events, including the death of her younger brother and a challenging divorce, that she found herself on a path of healing that would awaken her to her true power and reset the course of her life.

In Nice Girls Don't Win Shallow shares the stories that allowed her to transform her most difficult moments into powerful catalysts for empowerment. From her childhood growing up in a Florida commune run by a tyrannical female guru, to her journey out of the South and inside the L.A. casting rooms that would eventually drop her into the lush but brutal landscapes of Survivor, Shallow shows readers what it took to build herself into the ultimate survivor—for better, and more often, for worse. And then she reveals what it took rebuild herself into something much greater.

As harrowing as it is healing, Shallow’s story is a testament to the profound lessons that can be found in radical self-acceptance and self-love.

256 pages, Hardcover

First published July 8, 2025

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Parvati Shallow

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 647 reviews
Profile Image for Brady Lockerby.
221 reviews109k followers
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July 17, 2025
for any fellow Survivor fans out there, Parvati wrote a book! i really enjoyed it. her childhood/early life was fascinating and seeing how she was able to be so successful on Survivor from all of her life experiences before was interesting! there isn't a ton of Survivor-talk in it, so keep that in mind. also a quick read, well under 300 pages so the audiobook was very quick too!
Profile Image for Emma.
117 reviews6 followers
Currently reading
July 9, 2025
QUEEN PARV!
Profile Image for Lottie Smalley.
107 reviews1,970 followers
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July 20, 2025
no rating! I usually don’t rate memoirs, especially when they’re personal & reflective.

this was a fun, quick, and interesting listen, especially as a longtime survivor fan and I loved that parvati narrated the audiobook! there’s something special about authors telling their own stories in their own voice 🎧

this book offers a thoughtful look behind the scenes - how parvati really felt during and after her survivor seasons, how she processed others’ perceptions of her, and how her relationship with herself has evolved over time. if you’re a big fan of hers, you’ll probably find a lot to appreciate here. that said, I wouldn’t say it’s a *must-read* for casual survivor fans 🤷‍♀️

the book also leans into spirituality and self-reflection in a way that might not resonate with everyone. I personally found it compelling, but the “woo woo” factor is definitely present. my only real critique is that the title doesn’t fully match the tone or content. it felt more introspective and tender than the bold title suggests but still really enjoyed 💛
Profile Image for Claire Rehfuss.
26 reviews359 followers
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August 22, 2025
Queen Parv! A vulnerable, open, and enjoyable quick read.
Profile Image for Lindsey Reeder.
103 reviews26 followers
January 24, 2025
Parvati has and will always be a reality star beast! But reading how she’s done the work to reclaim negative comments about her, that she use to let define her and has now turned them into power was so validating and lovely. I tore through the book, not once thinking “this is a celeb memoir” - it stands in a category on its own.
1,315 reviews86 followers
August 21, 2025
This is a very difficult memoir to like--Parvati Shallow's self-analysis matches her name. It's confusing and reveals that her thought process is extremely shallow.

What could have been an opportunity to apologize to the many people she hurt over her years on television and in life, instead she turns back on herself claiming she was "shamed" inappropriately, failing to see how evil her art of fawning really is. Parvati is a complete fake, she admits it, then wonders why people approach her saying how much they hate her--it's because television exposed her secret of being a fraud in order to try to control others to get them to like her!

The parts of her life story that are the most interesting are the ones that she devotes the least amount of space to. It's disappointing that she fails to come up with much to tell about her nine years in a cult, with her parents keeping ties to the weird female leader long after the family left the group. That alone should be a book-length case study on how raising a child in a repressed group can damage a child the rest of her life. And if you want to know much about her behind-the-scenes seasons on Survivor you'll be shocked how she barely glazes over what's she's best known for.

Instead Shallow brags about how she has turned out, using her body and charms to seduce those around her to like her. Her entire goal is to draw everyone in, then control and manipulate them. In high school she used some of that for good, but when she got on national television those same traits were exposed as being hurtful, harmful, and disgusting. Her "Black Widow Brigade" was named that way for a reason.

She writes that she was devastated by the negative public reaction--so of course she went on the show three more times to supposedly redeem herself and the negative feedback got worse each island visit! She is the one who caused her own pain by exposing her fraudulent self and to see her then proclaim that this was abuse by others or anti-female slut-shaming is absurd. She DID act like a slut since childhood, only stopping short of ever letting anyone sleep with her. She admits she used her seductive body language to get men AND women to trust her, then she could do what she wanted with them.

She admits that once she got all this negative response, she dove in even deeper! "To take the edge off I developed my own addiction to the allure of sex and power games in my romantic relationships." Claiming she felt "hideously ugly inside," she doubled down on the terrible false surface tactics that got her into her bad self-image.

She lacks a basic understanding of shame, it's purpose, and how it's not always negative. There's a reason we physically and mentally react in shame--sometimes it's our bodies or minds telling us to change things, while at other times it's a wakeup call to seeing an off-kilter relationship with someone or something. Alcoholics suffer a lot of shame, but that can be used to empower them to stop drinking and start healing.

In Parvati's case she continues to see shame as other people treating her poorly instead of that she has something that needs to be course-corrected. She brags about her ability to "fawn" over others (a unique chapter that few other books would have since fawning is rarely mentioned elsewhere) and says it's a way for women to fight power-wielding assertive men because "it can be safe to stay small, pleasing, nice and helpful. Fawning is especially useful in situations of domestic violence, kidnapping or sexual assault." HUH? So the answer to abuse is not standing up for yourself or stating the truth or removing yourself from the situation but to physically flirt and lie? Wow, is she misguided.

The latter part of the book is about her sleeping around, getting married to another Survivor guy (who she slams while expecting him to treat her like a goddess) and having a kid (blaming her bad parenting on “postpartum anxiety”), quitting any job that she finds “confining,” divorcing while her husband had stage 4 cancer, then finding a doctor who gave her sex "off the charts" and falling into her mold of wanting a high-powered man to conquer (she broke up with him after his sex play wasn’t kinky enough!). Bored when she lost control of him, Parvati meets a born female standup comic/actress that's a Survivor fan, they become lovers, and suddenly Shallow is no longer sexually binary. I took that to mean Parvati wanted to finally be the top in the relationship, including wearing a strap-on dildo (which she brags about in the book), and as of this review the two may no longer be together. The book’s ending is ambiguous.

Thankfully she manages to sneak in a few pages about her time on Traitors, but it doesn’t give much insight into the production. It does however remind us that there is one man that she was unable to manipulate through fawning and that was Peter from The Bachelor. He had enough experience with women flirting that he couldn’t be fooled by a fake seductress. And she hated him for it.

Parvati claims it's not about the sex and defends against claims that she's a slut but fails to see that to outsiders her traits are interpreted as sexually seductive and immoral. She needs to redefine her actions instead of standing by her warped views based on a childhood in a cult. She says she tries to do that but there's not a lot of evidence she's successful when continually bragging about her manipulative fawning abilities as her "power."

In the end Shallow is the problem--not the game, not the critics, certainly not the men or patriarchal society, not really even her female-worshipping upbringing. At some point an individual has to be responsible for her own adult actions. Here she tries--she gets into all sorts of self-help books to figure out how to change or deal with her obvious mental illness--but ultimately her self-perception throughout is that she's so attractive and can use it to diminish others that it worked to her advantage when she was young, so she's not going to stop. Saying she "claims her power" is a bizarre woke phrase that people often use to justify continuing to act selfishly instead of seeing how bad they hurt others or fail to find real solutions to their confusion.

Just watch what she did on Traitors or Deal or No Deal Island and you'll see that this woman has remained "shallow." She again wasn't very nice but she didn't win. Just like in this book.
Profile Image for Traci Thomas.
836 reviews13k followers
August 26, 2025
This was a solid celebrity memoir. I wasn't wowed by it but it was well written and cohesive. If not a little too corny and sprinkled with self-help. I would've liked a little morse gossip/tea but I understand why someone wouldn't want to do that. I listened on audio and really liked her narration.
Profile Image for Nadine.
1,383 reviews238 followers
July 25, 2025
Of course I had to pick up Nice Girls Don’t Win. I’ve been a Parvati fan since I first saw her on Survivor.

Nice Girls Don’t Win chronicles Parvati’s life as she struggled through her trauma, survived, then ultimately healed. Before reading this, I didn’t know anything about her personally other than what was shown on TV.

Parvati’s formative years had an immense impact on her life as readers see echoes of her childhood experiences growing up in a commune her parents ultimately fled.

Survivor clearly had an impact on Parvati’s life and not just financially, but emotionally as well. So, it was disappointing to see so little of it in the book. This by no means a criticism of the book or Parvati since, if I’m not mistaken, she’s under a strict NDA regarding the show and what she can share about it. The few tidbits that were included were interesting and gave readers a look into who Parvati is as a person and a player while also detailing her growth.

It becomes even more glaringly apparent that Parvati was unable to dive deep into Survivor when she wrote about her time on The Traitors.

Ultimately, Nice Girls Don’t Win is about Parvati’s journey as a woman in our patriarchal society, learning and understanding her power, then finding the space to heal and accept her true self.

The negative reviews I’ve seen for Nice Girls Don’t Win are in line with the hate and backlash she received when playing Survivor. The misogyny is alive and well!
62 reviews5 followers
July 20, 2025
I mean… if you’re gna explain all of your life through the lens of fight flight freeze or fawn, you’re obviously not producing a memoir with searing self reflection.

It is anchored in the idea that she has trauma, which in itself is a very debatable premise because all evidence points to her being a healthy adult that copes with difficult situations as they arise. And perhaps what she points to as trauma responses such as not being able to continue boxing after survivor because “she’s been attacked enough” is simply her body being completely worn out from playing for 39 days.

It just reads like someone with a lot of self limiting beliefs. Clearly overidentifies with psychology and spiritual healing speak, which takes away from any ability to read situations outside of this lens.

For example, her flirting is a “fawn” response because she grew up in a cult. Umm. Every pretty girl does this. If Parvati grew up in heaven she’d still flirt. It’s human nature to use our privileges. It’s not a trauma response.

This book is an indication that Parvati needs to liberate herself from self-work and self-reflection and get a hobby outside of herself.
28 reviews
July 17, 2025
took a break from reading two really well written novels to read a reality tv star’s memoir and I regret nothing

this was badly written! also repetitive! but I finally learned why this obviously white woman is named Parvati and it was worth it for that alone
Profile Image for Tell.
192 reviews920 followers
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September 2, 2025
The most therapized person to never address their actual core wound. Parvati's exploration of her psyche and life crises was fascinating and well written, but I wish she had gone one layer deeper.
Profile Image for Cheryl Carpenter.
102 reviews5 followers
July 20, 2025
Poor girl. That’s a lot of therapy. Like she made going to therapy a full time job.
Also- most people handed a windfall lose it all in a couple years. Yes she did.
I know I sound judgmental. I’d just hoped for more substance and less Hollywood millennial psychobabel.
Profile Image for Kayla.
132 reviews118 followers
July 29, 2025
this is my Bible
Profile Image for Lauren loc.
151 reviews11 followers
July 13, 2025
parvati shallow deserves the world 💐💐💐
Profile Image for Mitchell Clifford.
341 reviews20 followers
July 13, 2025
Tens across the board! While I bought the physical copy of this book, I cannot recommend the audio enough. Even listening I found myself going back to the section I just listened to and relistening to it again.

I went into this thinking it might contain some fun juicy stories about my one favourite reality tv contestants on some of my favourite shows, but that is merely the surface.

You can clearly tell Parvati is a self-reflective student of therapy and much of what she said spoke to me as someone who identifies of such as well.

Her stories were very relatable, raw, and beautiful. Finally, a clear strength of her writing is the breadth she speaks to in a succinct amount of words.

Whether you’re a fan of reality tv or deep personal memoirs I cannot recommend this book enough!
Profile Image for Paige.
192 reviews11 followers
March 28, 2025
As an avid reality tv fan (and someone who has a podcast all about it), I am of course very familiar with who Parvati Shallow is. She's a Survivor legend, and the Fans vs Favorites season was the first one I really got into, which means I got to watch her and her Black Widow Brigade work their magic. I was also happy to see her have a comeback during her stint on The Traitors, which is one of my favorite shows on tv right now. Even though I know her as an iconic tv personality, I didn't know very much about her personal history, so this book was highly informative. I imagine it took so much vulnerability to recount her childhood growing up in a commune with her parents, and explaining how she definitely has trauma but doesn't necessarily remember all of it. Between that kind of upbringing and the tragedy she experienced with the unexpected loss of her brother, it's clear that Parvati has had to go through a lot of healing work, and she is absolutely a survivor (pun intended) for going through everything she has gone through. It was nice to get a better sense of who she is in her own words, and I have a greater appreciation for her.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!
Profile Image for Emma Fritsch.
64 reviews1 follower
July 20, 2025
I’ve never watched survivor, but watched Parv on Traitors & DONDI, and always thought she was an amazing player. I lovedddd learning about her childhood & upbringing, I found it incredibly interesting. I had no clue she had a cult upbringing & it was interesting to learn about how that affected her growing up. I felt like towards the end of the book, I wasn’t as interested in the story but overall I found this book good!
Profile Image for krista galvan-esse.
Author 1 book7 followers
July 10, 2025
i totally devoured this book, the storytelling was beautiful and so vulnerable. i didn’t think i could love Parvati more than i already did but here we are!!
Profile Image for Anna Helms.
110 reviews17 followers
July 19, 2025
I don't want to be too harsh because I love Parvati, but this was underwhelming. She's gone through so many hardships and unique experiences and I wish she'd done a little more showing and less telling. Maybe she's still under NDA and can't speak too much about survivor but I didn't learn anything about her time on 13, 16, or 20 that I didn't know, and she didn't even speak on WaW!
Profile Image for beth | blissandbooks.
192 reviews133 followers
July 18, 2025
An addicting and vulnerable memoir. I read it in 2 days which rarely happens for me anymore but I couldn’t put this down! I am a Parv fan girl through and through and I loved getting to hear more of her story. She tells her story in a very self aware way and I thought this was so well done!
Profile Image for Lyon.Brit.andthebookshelf.
785 reviews38 followers
July 6, 2025
Book Report: Nice Girls Don’t Win
First Glance: Parvati… say no more.

The Jist: A memoir about survival, trauma, and healing, from one of reality television’s most talked-about stars… Parvati Shallows.

My thoughts: Parvati fan newbie here… I’m a Big Brother fan and haven’t made my way to the Survivor franchise just yet. My introduction to this badass woman was on The Traitor’s. I was captivated every time she was in frame… a google rabbit hole later I was pleasantly surprised to see her memoir was releasing shortly. Thanks to PRH Audio I was able to get my hand on an ALC narrated by the queen herself! I loved hearing about Parvati’s upbringing on a commune in Florida and how her name was given to her. Her dream to become a star and proving to everyone when she did. With touching and deeply vulnerable moments shared it made me pause multiple times and remember… I’m reading a celeb memoir… making it stand on its own and be enjoyed by a wide range of audience.

Cue the Survivor moment I’m about to have.

My question for Parvati: Spirituality can be intimidating when you’re first starting, what’s one small, tangible practice that helped you begin to feel connected to yourself?

Thank you PRH Audio for the ALC

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Lyon.brit.A...
Profile Image for Jess Reads.
154 reviews1 follower
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July 21, 2025
This memoir really resonated with me. I was expecting a fun, quirky story about her time on survivor, but she really dove deep into the therapy and work she has done to work through her childhood trauma. Reading this made me realize I went through many of the same coping mechanisms in my own life due to trauma and really had me doing some self reflection.

The black widow season of survivor will forever be my favorite season, but this really shows the woman behind the villain, and she really is a strong and amazing woman.

I don't like to rate memoirs because it isn't my place to judge someone's life. However, if I were to judge it solely on the writing, I would give it 3 stars, but I did really enjoy this read.
Profile Image for Tyler Kolmansberger.
35 reviews
August 13, 2025
3.5 but rounding up because I like Parvati.

I listened to the audio book which I think made it a better experience to hear the memoir self-narrated. I came in expecting to really hear a lot about Survivor, and while a main theme of the book is surviving, the actual talk about the show felt shorter than expected (and strange when contrasted with her longer explanation of a single season of The Traitors, but I digress). I actually enjoyed hearing about her life, I think a lot of it sounds like something I'd hear in a yoga class and I enjoy learning about and listening to experiences of our bodies connecting to nature and handling stress. Overall, it slightly surpassed my expectations for a memoir written by a Survivor player, so I was happy listening to it!
Profile Image for Sari Reanna.
96 reviews37 followers
August 18, 2025
Mixed feelings about this one. It felt like Parvati wanted to explore topics & share more but wasn’t actually diving deep and ironically, it all ended up feeling very shallow and surface level. I’ve been a fan of Parvati and I’m glad she’s been able to come into her own and find peace but I was really expecting more insight into Survivor, her marriage to John Fincher and her queerness.

I did see comments from multiple Redditors who said they attended one of Parvati’s readings & apparently she said that CBS made her cut out a lot out of the book, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I don’t like to give memoirs a low rating, but this one left much to be desired.

2.5 rounded up.
Profile Image for Heather Larocchia.
160 reviews4 followers
July 23, 2025
I finished this in a day! I’ve found many celebrity memoirs are poorly written and/or depend too heavily on the appeal of the celebrity rather than the writing itself. This book isn’t like that! I found the writing to be engaging and fast paced, a clear linear trajectory but with snippets of past memories intertwined appropriately in a way that adds to an overall narrative about survival and building a life of love. I love that she covers her recently discovered queerness!

I’m a fan of the show Survivor but have always been fairly neutral on Parvati as a player. I’ve never seen her on Traitors. It was interesting to learn more about her background and definitely changes the way I see her gameplay on Survivor.

At first I liked the references to texts and practices Parvati found transformational, but by the end I was a bit bored reading about them. It seems very in line with her aim to sell courses/workshops/coaching sessions, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but as someone who isn’t into the idea of life coaches it wasn’t appealing.
Profile Image for Karly Paton.
100 reviews6 followers
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August 15, 2025
This was a very humble and reflective story of her life so I don’t feel that the title matches the prose. She has clearly put in the work to further herself in all aspects of life and truly understands who she is as a person.

It was funny that she said survivor and her own fandom had an uptick during the lockdown in Covid, because that is when I binge watched a lot of survivor. Parvati’s seasons were definitely my favorite ones. Long live the black widow brigade.

I also love her voice, so this is a great audiobook
Profile Image for bee 🐝🖤.
214 reviews3 followers
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July 24, 2025
I don’t rate memoirs, but if you’re a fan of Parvati, this was such an interesting peek behind the curtain of her unconventional life. Survivor played a part in this memoir, but there’s a lot more layers to it. Very glad I listened to the audiobook of her own narration
Displaying 1 - 30 of 647 reviews

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