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Please Understand Me: Character & Temperament Types
Professor Keirsey is a long time clinical psychologist of the gestalt-field systems school. After 30 years of treating hundreds of teaching, parenting, marriage, and management problems, Dr. Keirsey now challenges the reader to "Abondon the Pygmalion Project", that endless and fruitless attempt to change the Other into a carbon copy of Oneself.
207 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1984
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October 29, 2024
I have been using the 16 types as an analytical social tool for over a decade, as taught by my Jungian-influenced father. The authors here do credit Jung at moments, but they tend to ignore, underestimate, or occasionally outright reject many Jungian principles in favour of other theories. These newer theories and analyses nearly always felt wrong to me, and didn't fit with my empirical understanding of those around me. For those who care, I'm an ENTJ (close to P).
I agree with other reviewers who have criticised the clumsiness of the mythological association and naming of the great 4 types (SP, SJ, NT, NF); I have a substantial background in Greek mythology, which one wouldn't expect from an average reader, and I still found that the approach added nothing, regardless of the power of long-held archetypes. If anything, these classical trappings cluttered what should have been a more systematic and clear-cut explanation of the types. Even had that occurred, I am not sure that looking at those four specific uber-types as being the most important distinctions is accurate. From what I know of Keirsey's revised theory, which splits the types further into 8 and looks at the middle two functions - I think that's a better approach, because in terms of being able to understand people and their motivations - N/S and T/F are by far the most important, in my experience. I/E and J/P are still important, of course, but describe actions more than the thought processes of individuals. If you wonder WHY not HOW, examine those middle modalities.
The book was instructive in some ways, despite these flaws; in particular, I found the sections on temperaments in childhood and development very useful and accurate relative to my own observations and conclusions. I have observed that people who focus strongly on self-improvement - especially common in the N types, if we talk about IDENTITY rather than more tangible things like skills - can be difficult to type. I believe that some succeed so significantly in balancing themselves (Ts becoming more F, Fs becoming more T, etc, applied across all the modalities though much less commonly to the N/S trait) that they can appear as adults to be a type other than their 'natural' type.
But there is a difference between your innate temperment, something I think is quite firm very early on, and the desire for another temperament. This can botch the questionnaires, too, if a subject answers questions in a way which reflects how he WISHES he were, instead of how he actually is.
My point in bringing up these who grow away from their fundamental temperament: you can examine them as children (via memory or talking to parents and such) and retroactively better gauge their type. This information along with current questionnaire results should determine a solid base temperament.
The sections on teaching children, learning styles in childhood, and management/team work in adulthood further helped to elucidate & explain one's temperament, with decent accuracy, precision and thoroughness. Again, the use of the 4 uber-types muddles these ideas to an extent, but not too much. I still found these parts useful. Most useful of all, however, were the initial breakdown of modalities in the first section, and the more in-depth Portraits of each of the 16th types in the last section. These are the most clear-cut and logically laid-out, and a strong majority of what I read resonated with truth. I changed my assessments of various people's types based on these two sections, and I feel I now have a better understand of the modalities themselves, as well as how they combine.
My next goal is to pursue the earlier, Jungian analysis in formal textual detail, because I suspect I will find that much more useful and illuminating. Still, I learned something here, and I'll keep the book on hand for reference to the type Portraits. Even if flawed, I'm glad to have the extra data and different perspectives.
I agree with other reviewers who have criticised the clumsiness of the mythological association and naming of the great 4 types (SP, SJ, NT, NF); I have a substantial background in Greek mythology, which one wouldn't expect from an average reader, and I still found that the approach added nothing, regardless of the power of long-held archetypes. If anything, these classical trappings cluttered what should have been a more systematic and clear-cut explanation of the types. Even had that occurred, I am not sure that looking at those four specific uber-types as being the most important distinctions is accurate. From what I know of Keirsey's revised theory, which splits the types further into 8 and looks at the middle two functions - I think that's a better approach, because in terms of being able to understand people and their motivations - N/S and T/F are by far the most important, in my experience. I/E and J/P are still important, of course, but describe actions more than the thought processes of individuals. If you wonder WHY not HOW, examine those middle modalities.
The book was instructive in some ways, despite these flaws; in particular, I found the sections on temperaments in childhood and development very useful and accurate relative to my own observations and conclusions. I have observed that people who focus strongly on self-improvement - especially common in the N types, if we talk about IDENTITY rather than more tangible things like skills - can be difficult to type. I believe that some succeed so significantly in balancing themselves (Ts becoming more F, Fs becoming more T, etc, applied across all the modalities though much less commonly to the N/S trait) that they can appear as adults to be a type other than their 'natural' type.
But there is a difference between your innate temperment, something I think is quite firm very early on, and the desire for another temperament. This can botch the questionnaires, too, if a subject answers questions in a way which reflects how he WISHES he were, instead of how he actually is.
My point in bringing up these who grow away from their fundamental temperament: you can examine them as children (via memory or talking to parents and such) and retroactively better gauge their type. This information along with current questionnaire results should determine a solid base temperament.
The sections on teaching children, learning styles in childhood, and management/team work in adulthood further helped to elucidate & explain one's temperament, with decent accuracy, precision and thoroughness. Again, the use of the 4 uber-types muddles these ideas to an extent, but not too much. I still found these parts useful. Most useful of all, however, were the initial breakdown of modalities in the first section, and the more in-depth Portraits of each of the 16th types in the last section. These are the most clear-cut and logically laid-out, and a strong majority of what I read resonated with truth. I changed my assessments of various people's types based on these two sections, and I feel I now have a better understand of the modalities themselves, as well as how they combine.
My next goal is to pursue the earlier, Jungian analysis in formal textual detail, because I suspect I will find that much more useful and illuminating. Still, I learned something here, and I'll keep the book on hand for reference to the type Portraits. Even if flawed, I'm glad to have the extra data and different perspectives.
August 17, 2009
The follow-up, Please Understand Me II, is the big seller, but this one is almost the same thing. I first read it in high school and still think in terms of extra/introvert, sensing/intuiting, thinking/feeling, scheduling/perceiving.
My particular temperament (INFJ) is one of those who is naturally interested in this stuff, so there's only so much I can say. But it is PROFOUNDLY SATISFYING (especially after a rough time) to look up your own profile and that of others around you and figure out why you are the way you are. It's not that the world is stacked against you, it's just that there are areas where you shine and areas where you need to work to make yourself shine. You'll be exclaiming, "It's SO TRUE!!" over and over again.
I recommend it to everyone on the planet - even if you only look at your own combination of drives and tendencies, you'll have a much more comprehensive understanding of the smaller society in which you live.
My particular temperament (INFJ) is one of those who is naturally interested in this stuff, so there's only so much I can say. But it is PROFOUNDLY SATISFYING (especially after a rough time) to look up your own profile and that of others around you and figure out why you are the way you are. It's not that the world is stacked against you, it's just that there are areas where you shine and areas where you need to work to make yourself shine. You'll be exclaiming, "It's SO TRUE!!" over and over again.
I recommend it to everyone on the planet - even if you only look at your own combination of drives and tendencies, you'll have a much more comprehensive understanding of the smaller society in which you live.
July 21, 2020
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types is a well-written and efficient way to understand one of the 20th Century's leading personality inventories. It is based largely on archetypes laid out by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung over 100 years ago, which themselves often go back to dichotomies laid out by the ancients. Each individual is "typed" in a four-letter array of codes based on one of two polar-opposite choices. Thus, we're all either mainly Extrovert (code "E") or mainly Introvert (code "I"). Also, we apprehend information mostly through Sensing ("S") or through Intuition ("N"). Are you more of a Thinker ("T") or more of a Feeler ("F")? And finally, a modern addition: do you like your affairs done and settled (Judging, "J"), or to leave things more fluid and open (Perceiving, "P")?
Thus, everyone's type will result in a four-letter array, with sixteen different arrays possible. (Happily, this book gives you the self-test to reveal your own "type.") Your own type may be as wildly dissimilar to my I-N-T-J as E-S-F-P, or something very close, like I-S-T-J. As long as this system is not taken to be too utterly determinative of human characteristics, or is allowed to degenerate into a mere parlor game, it can be of great usefulness: in human-resource work, say, or even in choosing a mate.
You'll notice that the authors in this book have not used the common terms for this system as used in the USA -- they do not call it the "Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory" or the "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator" ("MBTI"), named for the mother-daughter duo who "housebroke" the system for the USA around the time of the Second World War. I do not know why that is; perhaps there were copyright or other intellectual-property complications.
Thus, everyone's type will result in a four-letter array, with sixteen different arrays possible. (Happily, this book gives you the self-test to reveal your own "type.") Your own type may be as wildly dissimilar to my I-N-T-J as E-S-F-P, or something very close, like I-S-T-J. As long as this system is not taken to be too utterly determinative of human characteristics, or is allowed to degenerate into a mere parlor game, it can be of great usefulness: in human-resource work, say, or even in choosing a mate.
You'll notice that the authors in this book have not used the common terms for this system as used in the USA -- they do not call it the "Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory" or the "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator" ("MBTI"), named for the mother-daughter duo who "housebroke" the system for the USA around the time of the Second World War. I do not know why that is; perhaps there were copyright or other intellectual-property complications.
August 9, 2016
Cognitive Function Theory > Keirsey Temperament Types. I doubt his sorter will help many people find their real types, nor will it give them much in the way of new understanding of themselves and others if they do. It is far easier to fall into stereotyping with Keirsey's schema, and his profiles are particularly unflattering to SJs. Contrary to popular belief, SJs can be creative, fun, even progressive. The cognitive function approach to personality allows for greater flexibility and complexity, and I think that makes it more useful.
There is one section in this book that I recommend: Temperament in Children. I think it may be helpful to parents, teachers, and anyone else who works with children. The temperament approach makes sense for children because cognitive functions usually do not become clear until an older age, but different temperaments can be recognized at an early age.
Skip the section on "Mating and Temperament"; it is drivel, and clearly dates this work with its stereotyped notion of gender.
There is one section in this book that I recommend: Temperament in Children. I think it may be helpful to parents, teachers, and anyone else who works with children. The temperament approach makes sense for children because cognitive functions usually do not become clear until an older age, but different temperaments can be recognized at an early age.
Skip the section on "Mating and Temperament"; it is drivel, and clearly dates this work with its stereotyped notion of gender.
April 24, 2023
This book is so bad. I read (most of) it on the recommendation of my therapist, who is also bad. The book is just 200 pages about each of the 16 different myers Briggs personality types, despite being pitched very differently.
Unrelated to the fact that it is bad, it is also hilariously dated. “Female INTJs struggle because nursing, teaching, and secretarial work are not good fits for this personality type. Maybe the advent of feminism will improve this soon.”
No redeeming features I could find, although it did inspire me to be more proactive about getting a new therapist.
Unrelated to the fact that it is bad, it is also hilariously dated. “Female INTJs struggle because nursing, teaching, and secretarial work are not good fits for this personality type. Maybe the advent of feminism will improve this soon.”
No redeeming features I could find, although it did inspire me to be more proactive about getting a new therapist.
August 1, 2017
I may or may not have an obsession with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. This book greatly aided my research and interest, giving me the original information in a readable format. A must-have for all personality enthusiasts.
July 3, 2010
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
*****
"INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however."
"[INFJs:] are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex."
*****
"INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however."
"[INFJs:] are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex."
July 29, 2009
This book is wonderful! Take the quiz at the front of the book at find out which "type" you are. I'm an INFJ. I have a bad habit of labeling people based on this book... I should probably stop doing that, but it is helpful when trying to understand someone who isn't like you. The book has also helped me recognize some of my own strengths and weaknesses.
January 8, 2023
When it comes to Myers Briggs Personality Types, this is an excellent resource.
This ENFJ found the descriptions to be nuanced and insightful.
This ENFJ found the descriptions to be nuanced and insightful.
November 26, 2012
I first read it in the late 80s, and it has remained one of the most influential books in my life. I've found very few areas of life where it does not apply. It has been most helpful & interesting in interpersonal relationships, professional situations, & understanding a lot of religious & political differences & phenomena among individuals who otherwise share families, cultures, geographic spaces, goals, or interests. It's fascinating. I never tire of discussing it, although I've tired many others by discussing it. In fact, one can see temperaments express themselves in their different responses to the book's ideas & how they are presented.
February 16, 2012
Very interesting and insightful. It relies on the Myers-Briggs typing. It will help me to understand others. I am INTJ. I have always known that I am an introvert, but I wasn't aware of the NTJ part. The book goes into a lot of detail such as mating and temperaments, children in temperament, and temperament in leading. I would recommend this book for people wanting to understand why people behave as they do.
January 5, 2022
I came across this book quite young, and 30 years later, I’m still an INFJ/INFP (perfectly split). My copy of this book is falling apart and has the results of every friend in high school and college, plus family members. (I don’t know how people put up with me).
I know doctors who swear by the Jungian philosophy, and I know who some who think it’s dangerous to label yourself, but I’ve studied the psychology of personalities for many years. This is the ONLY test I’ve seen be consistent (if the people are truthful when taking it - NT people seem to be the hardest to pin down).
Most “personality tests” are so vague, you can convince yourself of any of the results. This test, not at all. If I read about ESTJs, I know that’s the opposite of how I am. If I read about an ENTP, I know that’s definitely not me. Even something similar, like an ENFJ - that’s not me, and the traits prove it.
I love this book. Understanding is something everyone wants, and if you’re a rare personality type like me, you’ll be fascinated by how others think (and what they think of you). It just confirms what I know: I think STs are cold, and I think NTs are odd, because what good is intuition if you let logic do your decision making? I know people see me as different, but I know why that is, and I know why I have the gift of a rare personality. I’m naturally drawn to any NF …this is science. Everyone should read this book, take the test (most online versions are dubious) and learn a bit more about themselves.
I know doctors who swear by the Jungian philosophy, and I know who some who think it’s dangerous to label yourself, but I’ve studied the psychology of personalities for many years. This is the ONLY test I’ve seen be consistent (if the people are truthful when taking it - NT people seem to be the hardest to pin down).
Most “personality tests” are so vague, you can convince yourself of any of the results. This test, not at all. If I read about ESTJs, I know that’s the opposite of how I am. If I read about an ENTP, I know that’s definitely not me. Even something similar, like an ENFJ - that’s not me, and the traits prove it.
I love this book. Understanding is something everyone wants, and if you’re a rare personality type like me, you’ll be fascinated by how others think (and what they think of you). It just confirms what I know: I think STs are cold, and I think NTs are odd, because what good is intuition if you let logic do your decision making? I know people see me as different, but I know why that is, and I know why I have the gift of a rare personality. I’m naturally drawn to any NF …this is science. Everyone should read this book, take the test (most online versions are dubious) and learn a bit more about themselves.
August 2, 2014
Personality is one dimension of psychology that is both interesting and practical. In the classic book “Please Understand Me” by Keirsey and Bates, there is support for the research conducted by Myers-Briggs. One immediate gain you will get is a self-test (non-computerized) that is easy to grade. Once your ‘type’ is identified, you can read about your tendencies and preferences.
This book is recommended for:
• Improving family relationships
• Getting along better with the opposite sex
• For sales / business people who would like to learn how to influence others
This is the book that popularized the term “extrovert and introvert.” Most people believe that an Extrovert can be identified as a social person. That is a tendency of an extrovert, but the real way to understand either an Extrovert or an Introvert is to understand how they recharge their batteries. “The person who chooses people as a source of energy probably prefers extraversion, while the person who prefers solitude to recover energy tends toward introversion.”[1] A very common misconception is that introverted people do not enjoy people or socializing. In my family, we have two extroverts and two introverts. All four members of the family enjoy friends, family and parties. Each member of the family mixes at a party; engages in conversation and would be described as friendly. The two introverts are drained after hours of interaction and need time alone to get recharged. The two extroverts have 100 % battery power! But extroverts get drained as well by having long periods of solitude, paperwork or individual assignments.
By taking time to understand (and discuss) our differences, you can be more considerate. As an extrovert, my adjustment would be to tame the socializing and leave the party at a decent hour. The very fact that you have taken an effort to learn and adapt to family members is a goodwill gesture. A great application of “Please Understand Me” is taking the Myers-Briggs personality test and comparing types. For instance, my wife and I have opposite characteristics. The section on potential clashes in personality between our two types was both fascinating and eerily accurate.
There are many more dimensions to the Myers-Briggs personality studies. Some of the topics include:
1. How We Learn (and Teach!)
2. Decision Making dynamics
3. Task vs. Relationship orientation
Displaying the book on the kitchen table normally generates curiosity and spurs conversation. When someone in the family asks ‘what are you reading?’; Just reply “Oh, I’m reading about you!’ (then make eye contact and smile!) You can put the book down and in about 15 minutes, someone is looking at your copy trying to see what you are learning! That is the chance (the opening) to read (out loud) the passages that relate to your family and friends. Don’t miss this opportunity – it’s why you got the book!
Imagine if you could extend that positive energy towards co-workers and customers. So there are several pay-offs for reading “Please Understand Me.” That’s good because while the first third of the book is easy reading, you will have to be motivated and persistent to get through the middle section of type comparisons. I’ve read this book four times and still find nuggets in different sections. But building better relationships is hard work, right? My prediction is that you will get years of enjoyment out of the knowledge and skills gained by reading this fundamentally sound book about the Myers-Briggs personality research. If you apply it in business, it should improve your ability to positively impact people and get more profitable results. Challenge yourself to purchase, read and apply “Please Understand Me.”
________________________________________
[1]
Please Understand Me. Kiersey and Bates. 1984. Promethetheus Nemesis Book
Company.
Charlie Van Hecke
www.salestrainer4u.com
This book is recommended for:
• Improving family relationships
• Getting along better with the opposite sex
• For sales / business people who would like to learn how to influence others
This is the book that popularized the term “extrovert and introvert.” Most people believe that an Extrovert can be identified as a social person. That is a tendency of an extrovert, but the real way to understand either an Extrovert or an Introvert is to understand how they recharge their batteries. “The person who chooses people as a source of energy probably prefers extraversion, while the person who prefers solitude to recover energy tends toward introversion.”[1] A very common misconception is that introverted people do not enjoy people or socializing. In my family, we have two extroverts and two introverts. All four members of the family enjoy friends, family and parties. Each member of the family mixes at a party; engages in conversation and would be described as friendly. The two introverts are drained after hours of interaction and need time alone to get recharged. The two extroverts have 100 % battery power! But extroverts get drained as well by having long periods of solitude, paperwork or individual assignments.
By taking time to understand (and discuss) our differences, you can be more considerate. As an extrovert, my adjustment would be to tame the socializing and leave the party at a decent hour. The very fact that you have taken an effort to learn and adapt to family members is a goodwill gesture. A great application of “Please Understand Me” is taking the Myers-Briggs personality test and comparing types. For instance, my wife and I have opposite characteristics. The section on potential clashes in personality between our two types was both fascinating and eerily accurate.
There are many more dimensions to the Myers-Briggs personality studies. Some of the topics include:
1. How We Learn (and Teach!)
2. Decision Making dynamics
3. Task vs. Relationship orientation
Displaying the book on the kitchen table normally generates curiosity and spurs conversation. When someone in the family asks ‘what are you reading?’; Just reply “Oh, I’m reading about you!’ (then make eye contact and smile!) You can put the book down and in about 15 minutes, someone is looking at your copy trying to see what you are learning! That is the chance (the opening) to read (out loud) the passages that relate to your family and friends. Don’t miss this opportunity – it’s why you got the book!
Imagine if you could extend that positive energy towards co-workers and customers. So there are several pay-offs for reading “Please Understand Me.” That’s good because while the first third of the book is easy reading, you will have to be motivated and persistent to get through the middle section of type comparisons. I’ve read this book four times and still find nuggets in different sections. But building better relationships is hard work, right? My prediction is that you will get years of enjoyment out of the knowledge and skills gained by reading this fundamentally sound book about the Myers-Briggs personality research. If you apply it in business, it should improve your ability to positively impact people and get more profitable results. Challenge yourself to purchase, read and apply “Please Understand Me.”
________________________________________
[1]
Please Understand Me. Kiersey and Bates. 1984. Promethetheus Nemesis Book
Company.
Charlie Van Hecke
www.salestrainer4u.com
February 9, 2017
I recall that the first time I took an MBTI exam was during in high school, where each of the personalities were divided into different fruits. Even at a science high school, there were only two of us who were INTPs in the classroom. I believe there were more SJs among us, and also a few NFs. From anecdotal experience, I think Keirsey's percentages were right. Prior to reading this book, I've read that types occasionally change, so I've been taking this test at least twice a year for the past few years.
I'm usually an INTP, but when I have major examinations or responsibilities to prepare for, I transform into an INTJ. I got a result of INTJ in the book's questionnaire, but just today, I've taken two online MBTI tests, and got a type of INTP from one, and an INTJ from another (with a very marginal J preference). (I'm probably an INTX, because I possessed INTJ characteristics as well as INTP ones. Ultimately, I'm more of an INTP, though.)
Back when I first took this exam, I used it in order to understand myself and how I approached the world. As I matured, however, I realized that it was also a great way for me to adjust myself in regard to my interactions with others: I have always asked friends to take this test, because if they are honest with their answers, I would have an inkling as to how to deal with them.
It really helped me precisely because empathy is one of my least-developed functions. Most of the time, I really couldn't care less about other people. If I had an inferior mother, I would have been autistic by now, after all. In my quest for improvement, however, I sought to understand how I related to others, especially to those dear to me, because I didn't want to hurt them unconsciously. I am, after all, a sarcastic individual with a compulsive pursuit for knowledge: by learning how to interact with people not my type, I have also slowly learned to be a better person.
Although Keirsey talks about the sixteen different personality types that Briggs and Myers introduced, he explicates how they interact with each other, with the world, and with education, all in a broader sense. To him, there are four fundamental temperaments: the Dionysian (SP), the Epimethean (SJ), the Promethean (NT), and the Apollonian (NF). His thorough discussion as to how they interact with each other and with the world has led me to understand why my younger brother acts the way he does: as an ESFP, he is my polar opposite at times. Before I finished the book I had nothing but contempt for his dissolute and, to me, 'brainless' behavior.
Ultimately, we are just different from each other.
Keirsey concludes that once we accept that certain people are fundamentally different from each other, we no longer have a compulsion to change them to our image and likeness. And by abandoning this 'Pygmalion Project,' we learn to be more understanding people, and lead others to understand us more as well.
We're not God, after all. At least, I'm not. I can't make others in my image and likeness, and it is only in my maturity (high time, as I'm approaching 30) that I realized, I really don't want to.
I'm usually an INTP, but when I have major examinations or responsibilities to prepare for, I transform into an INTJ. I got a result of INTJ in the book's questionnaire, but just today, I've taken two online MBTI tests, and got a type of INTP from one, and an INTJ from another (with a very marginal J preference). (I'm probably an INTX, because I possessed INTJ characteristics as well as INTP ones. Ultimately, I'm more of an INTP, though.)
Back when I first took this exam, I used it in order to understand myself and how I approached the world. As I matured, however, I realized that it was also a great way for me to adjust myself in regard to my interactions with others: I have always asked friends to take this test, because if they are honest with their answers, I would have an inkling as to how to deal with them.
It really helped me precisely because empathy is one of my least-developed functions. Most of the time, I really couldn't care less about other people. If I had an inferior mother, I would have been autistic by now, after all. In my quest for improvement, however, I sought to understand how I related to others, especially to those dear to me, because I didn't want to hurt them unconsciously. I am, after all, a sarcastic individual with a compulsive pursuit for knowledge: by learning how to interact with people not my type, I have also slowly learned to be a better person.
Although Keirsey talks about the sixteen different personality types that Briggs and Myers introduced, he explicates how they interact with each other, with the world, and with education, all in a broader sense. To him, there are four fundamental temperaments: the Dionysian (SP), the Epimethean (SJ), the Promethean (NT), and the Apollonian (NF). His thorough discussion as to how they interact with each other and with the world has led me to understand why my younger brother acts the way he does: as an ESFP, he is my polar opposite at times. Before I finished the book I had nothing but contempt for his dissolute and, to me, 'brainless' behavior.
Ultimately, we are just different from each other.
Keirsey concludes that once we accept that certain people are fundamentally different from each other, we no longer have a compulsion to change them to our image and likeness. And by abandoning this 'Pygmalion Project,' we learn to be more understanding people, and lead others to understand us more as well.
We're not God, after all. At least, I'm not. I can't make others in my image and likeness, and it is only in my maturity (high time, as I'm approaching 30) that I realized, I really don't want to.
December 30, 2013
One thing I really appreciate about this book is how positive it is. It's not about pathologizing people or making them feel that their way of being in the world is somehow inadequate. No, this book celebrates our personality differences and how we all contribute something unique to our families, workplaces, and society.
I've taken the Myers-Briggs at least 3 times over the course of my life (all in school situations), and my type has remained firmly fixed. It's a bit spooky how well the description of my type (INFJ) fits me, particularly in the work I've been drawn to. On a personal level, I find these temperament types most applicable to work situations, and I wish all workplaces would offer this test to those who want to take it and then have a discussion about the results, particularly as I feel it encourages more understanding and acceptance among the different types.
I've taken the Myers-Briggs at least 3 times over the course of my life (all in school situations), and my type has remained firmly fixed. It's a bit spooky how well the description of my type (INFJ) fits me, particularly in the work I've been drawn to. On a personal level, I find these temperament types most applicable to work situations, and I wish all workplaces would offer this test to those who want to take it and then have a discussion about the results, particularly as I feel it encourages more understanding and acceptance among the different types.
July 26, 2015
This is my go-to book on how to learn and cope with all kinds of people. Very helpful for educators, parents, and people who just don't GET various personality aspects of others. I have read it at least 2.5 times and have several copies. I have taught a course on personality types at work and have used the testing matrix in the front of the book to have course participants gain a better understanding of who they are. One of the best NF books I've ever read!
September 16, 2010
For anyone who is familiar with the Myers-Briggs tests this book helps to become more self-aware and to understand people around you. After you answer the questions and count your scores there are Four main Temperaments based on Ancient Greek Mythology and 16th Types that based on four pairs of Preferences. You read your description and the end result is amazing.
February 18, 2017
This is my go to book whenever I have difficulty understanding peoples differences. Myself being an INFP. It delves into how we can work together and see where our weaknesses are as well as are strengths.
I have seen people turn their lives around once they seen that their is nothing "wrong" with themselves , their just different (variety is the spice of life).
I have seen people turn their lives around once they seen that their is nothing "wrong" with themselves , their just different (variety is the spice of life).
January 24, 2016
This is the book that saved my sanity as a kid. Unwittingly. In fact, I had no idea of its role in my life until much, much later. But that didn't make it any less impactful.
My mother is a people person. I'm not. As a kid, I was just as happy staying home on weekends to read my books as I was playing outside with my best friends. But apparently my inclinations towards isolation and bookwormishness was an utterly foreign entity to my mother. She was afraid something was wrong with me. Maybe I was anxious? Maybe I was having troubles with friends? She finally spoke to my best friend's mother about her observations, and this book and a fond smile were the answers she got.
Turns out my mother and I have about as different personalities as you can get. Whereas she's an extravert, I'm an introvert. She likes making decisions now, I like mulling them over and procrastinating until the last possible second. But since the introduction of Please Understand Me (which is aptly named), my mother stopped worrying about it and allowed me to grow into my own person.
Fast forward ten years, I'm a counselor dusting this book off for some of my own clients. It's a bit dated and tends to be a little long-winded about the historical measurements of personality, but it is a great reference material. And still ridiculously accurate.
My mother is a people person. I'm not. As a kid, I was just as happy staying home on weekends to read my books as I was playing outside with my best friends. But apparently my inclinations towards isolation and bookwormishness was an utterly foreign entity to my mother. She was afraid something was wrong with me. Maybe I was anxious? Maybe I was having troubles with friends? She finally spoke to my best friend's mother about her observations, and this book and a fond smile were the answers she got.
Turns out my mother and I have about as different personalities as you can get. Whereas she's an extravert, I'm an introvert. She likes making decisions now, I like mulling them over and procrastinating until the last possible second. But since the introduction of Please Understand Me (which is aptly named), my mother stopped worrying about it and allowed me to grow into my own person.
Fast forward ten years, I'm a counselor dusting this book off for some of my own clients. It's a bit dated and tends to be a little long-winded about the historical measurements of personality, but it is a great reference material. And still ridiculously accurate.
November 2, 2017
People are too complex to fit into a box. I can literally identity with all of the "personalities" at different times of my life. Sometimes I like being around people, sometimes I want space. And I am not the only one. People's personalities are not so simple they can fit into sixteen types. To believe so, really limits us. I use to believe solidly in this book, only to grow older and realize how much I change, even in a single day! I know myself a lot better than I did twenty years ago. And through that knowledge, I realize, these are just silly tests to box people into groups when really there can be much, much more to a person!
July 10, 2014
ENFJ here to say that this book is extraordinary. It's like someone read my deepest most personal unexplainable thoughts and was able to put them into words. I know am able to understand how I get myself into these awful situations (not that I'm going to be able to change it) and why I never like to be alone. I am actually a 100% extrovert and I have to say this book is all around fantastic.
April 21, 2015
A wonderful book on understanding and accepting people. He helps explain what makes different personalities tick, and does so in a clear, common sense way.
May 21, 2017
HA! I can't believe that I have never added this to my Goodreads list. I read it around 1990, and it became such a part of me that I think I stopped thinking of it as a book! This book changed how I thought of myself and others. It has probably helped me with self-acceptance more than any other book simply because it gave me a ways to talk about how I never seemed to fit with my parents. It came to my rescue again when I was struggling with depression in 2015, reminding me of why my ENFP personality is crushed when I abandon my ideals.
I love the Meyers-Briggs Type indicator and this book started it all for me!
I love the Meyers-Briggs Type indicator and this book started it all for me!
June 13, 2022
Big fan of personality and temperament theories, and my first personality typing love was the Myers-Briggs type indicator :) This is essentially the most reliable book on the system, and was given to me by a lovely teacher in high school 😌
It adds various layers and concepts to the MBTI framework, combining it with mythology, some of Jung and Adler and co.’s ideas, while still being a great book on the MBTI. Makes more grand claims about how certain types ~must~ be than I like or believe to be well-founded, but regardless, a great resource (and solidified that I am ENTJ with a Promethean temperament and just had undiagnosed ADHD that produces a more ENFJ/ENTP vibe, if’n that makes sense 🤷♂️ If you happen to enjoy the MBTI, feel free to comment your type below toooo :))
It adds various layers and concepts to the MBTI framework, combining it with mythology, some of Jung and Adler and co.’s ideas, while still being a great book on the MBTI. Makes more grand claims about how certain types ~must~ be than I like or believe to be well-founded, but regardless, a great resource (and solidified that I am ENTJ with a Promethean temperament and just had undiagnosed ADHD that produces a more ENFJ/ENTP vibe, if’n that makes sense 🤷♂️ If you happen to enjoy the MBTI, feel free to comment your type below toooo :))
December 13, 2019
I had a week-long leadership course centered around this book. Apparently I am a #6
October 5, 2008
I admit, I've read this book more often than a person should ever read a book. I have to say, it was really a lifeline when I was younger; my personality was very confusing to me (and everyone else) and it was really amazing to have a little sense made of it. This book just has to be taken with a grain of salt. No one perfectly fits every description in this book... it is simply a springboard to understanding who you are and understanding those around you.
July 7, 2011
Very much like the Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram testing and profiles.
I answered the questions, added up my numbers, looked up my type and was of course stunned at how accurate the results are - once again confirming who I am in the world. I read the whole book and found myself guessing at which of my friends and associates were which combination of types. The teaching and learning sections were really interesting.
I'm an INFP by the way.
I answered the questions, added up my numbers, looked up my type and was of course stunned at how accurate the results are - once again confirming who I am in the world. I read the whole book and found myself guessing at which of my friends and associates were which combination of types. The teaching and learning sections were really interesting.
I'm an INFP by the way.
September 30, 2015
Learned SO much about the differences in temperaments -- it gives me a whole new language to communicate with regarding MBTI. I enjoyed learning about the temperaments in leading and in childhood, a great juxtaposition of how the temperaments display themselves throughout life. If you're interested in using MBTI as a foundational language to understand those you lead, parent, or work with, I highly recommend this book.
July 7, 2017
First read 36 years ago. Was mind bending then. I found it in my mother's small book collection. Typed myself and was fascinated with self discovery ever since. Found my new spouse were exact opposites! Typed all family members with questionnaire, others I met, on airplanes, etc, by questions I came up with, and used to hire employees. Successfully to form dynamic top producing teams. Go back to it occasionally and always get new insights. Jung is the man!
April 6, 2009
A dear friend reintroduced this to me years after I first heard of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. Once my interest had been re-piqued, I took the quiz and read the book in one weekend. Introvert or Extrovert? Ruled by iNtuition or Senses? A Thinker or a Feeler? Judger or Perceiver? As an ENFJ, nothing is more gratifying than self discovery. Maybe that's why I love LOVED this book.
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