I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them

by Jesse Goolsby

In this powerful debut novel, three American soldiers haunted by their actions in Afghanistan search for absolution and human connection in family and civilian life.

Wintric Ellis joins the army as soon as he graduates from high school, saying goodbye to his girlfriend, Kristen, and to the backwoods California town whose borders have always been the limits of his horizon. Deployed for two years in Afghanistan in a directionless war, he struggles to find his bearings in a place where allies could at any second turn out to be foes. Two career soldiers, Dax and Torres, take Wintric under their wing. Together, these three men face an impossible choice: risk death or commit a harrowing act of war. The aftershocks echo long after each returns home to a transfigured world, where his own children may fear to touch him and his nightmares still hold sway.

Jesse Goolsby casts backward and forward in time to track these unforgettable characters from childhood to parenthood, from redwood forests to open desert roads to the streets of Kabul. Hailed by Robert Olen Butler as a “major literary event,” I’d Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them is a work of disarming eloquence and heart-wrenching wisdom, and a debut novel from a writer to watch.

Genres: Fiction, War, Literary Fiction, Literature, Contemporary, Military Fiction, Middle East

292 pages, Hardcover

First published June 2, 2015

About the author

Jesse Goolsby is an Air Force officer and the author of the story collection ACCELERATION HOURS (University of Nevada Press) and the novel I'D WALK WITH MY FRIENDS IF I COULD FIND THEM (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt), winner of the Florida Book Award for Fiction and long-listed for the Flaherty-Duncan First Novel Prize. His fiction and essays have appeared widely, to include The Literary Review, EPOCH, The Kenyon Review, Narrative Magazine, Salon, and Pleiades. He is the recipient of the Richard Bausch Short Story Prize, the John Gardner Memorial Award in Fiction, and fellowships from the Sewanee Writers’ Conference and the Hambidge Center for Creative Arts and Sciences. His work has been listed as notable in both Best American Essays and Best American Short Stories, and selected for Best American Mystery Stories. He serves as Acquisitions Editor for the literary journal War, Literature & the Arts.
Goolsby holds an English degree from the United States Air Force Academy, a Masters degree in English from the University of Tennessee, and a PhD in English and Creative Writing from Florida State University. He was raised in Chester, California, and now lives in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.

Reviews

[Larry H · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd rate this 3.5 stars.

Full disclosure: I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an unbiased review.

Sadly, war has nearly always been a part of our collective understanding, no matter what generation you are from. So much has been written about the cost of war, and the impact it has on those on the front lines. Jesse Goolsby's powerful, brutal new book, I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them , takes this one step further, looking at war's impact not only on those who serve, but on those they leave behind, and those they interact with after their service has ended.

Wintric Ellis is a young man from a small town in California who decides to join the army directly after his high school graduation, if for no other reason than to provide him direction and give him an opportunity to see life beyond his small town. He leaves behind his girlfriend, Kristen, and winds up in Afghanistan. While he considers himself fortunate not to be in the middle of the deadly fighting in Iraq, the placidity of Afghanistan does little to quell his fears that the enemy is just around the corner, that every step or every encounter could mean peril. But he gets taken under the wing of two more experienced soldiers, Torres and Dax, and their friendship helps make the fearful days less so.

One day, the soldiers are forced to act in a split second, essentially making the choice between life and death. And that decision, made in the heat of the moment, is one that will affect each of their post-war lives and impact their relationships with others, and set each of them on a tremendously challenging path. And after his friends are decommissioned, Wintric faces a shocking incident of violence that further affects him.

I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them is essentially told in snapshots, looking at the early lives of Wintric, Dax, and Torres, and how they wound up in Afghanistan, and how their lives unfolded after they left the military. The book looked at their relationships with family, loved ones, friends, children, and the demons that haunted each of them, many of which formed in that one moment in Afghanistan. The struggles are moving, at times brutal, and tremendously poignant, when you realize that many who have served our country deal with similar issues.

Goolsby is an absolutely talented writer, and his use of language and imagery is tremendously poetic. The characters are tremendously complex (although not always likeable) and you can feel for them and their struggles. My challenge with the book, however, is that in his vignette-like approach, Goolsby often doesn't paint the full picture of what happens to the characters, leaving you with more questions than answers. This was the case with several key incidents in the book—he is oblique rather than direct, and I had to re-read parts of the book a few times, and still didn't always come away with the answers I was seeking.

There have been many fine books written about the scars of war, both physical and emotional, and I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them deserves to stand alongside them. I look forward to seeing what's next in Goolsby's career, because his talent is tremendous.

See all of my reviews at http://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blo....

[Jeremy Potter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did a short stint in the National Guard when I was in my early 20s. I never saw any action; just trained on weekends. My biggest take away from that time is that you train for one thing, but something happens and changes everything, and no one is prepared, or knows what to do next. Chaos ensues. See Blackhawk Down, Lone Survivor, Saving Private Ryan, etc... So anyway, most military books and movies make me uncomfortable for the above reason.

I was given an advance copy of this book, but I resisted picking it up for many weeks. "Military theme," I thought. "Ugh," I thought. Well, yes it, is about veterans of the deployment in Afghanistan, but it's not a war story, it's a human story; it's an American story. It's gutsy, shocking, painful, and relatable. No indictment of the military, and no glorifying the war, this book is about people; broken, realistic characters, that are as familiar as the people we meet every day.

[Andria Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started this book, I just wanted to keep reading without interruption until I could find out what happened to the three protagonists, Dax, Wintric, and Torres. Within pages I felt like I knew them. Goolsby, who is active-duty Air Force and has worked with wounded soldiers at Walter Reed and in Washington, D.C., does an amazing job of taking you inside the hearts and minds of his three main characters, taking you with them from high school into their paths to soldierdom and the years that follow.

Each man is different from the other: unique, troubled, loving in his own way; not formed solely BY the war he took part in but dealing with it as part of the long line of experiences that made him who he is.

I could not put this book down and I highly recommend it.

[Kasa Cotugno · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three 1/2 star. This is a very tough book to review on many levels. The material is gutwrenching, which is expected with any novel concerning the current wars, America's participation, the inevitable ptsd and in particular, the ripple effect of a soldier's return on his family. As with several others (i.e., Redeployment, Yellow Birds), this novel tracks the lives of three young men before, during and after their deployment in Afghanistan, the "after" occupying the most pages. Considerable care is given to their wives and children, but some of the segues are unclear and abrupt, and some of the storylines don't resolve and the reader is left with unanswered questions.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them by Jesse Goolsby is literary work of astonishing depth and beauty, and yet one that is deeply heart-wrenchingly sad and at the same time hopeful. The story surrounds the lives of three American soldiers, Wintric, Dax, and Torres, each of whom struggles in their own ways, and while each man’s story is told, the book focuses most on the struggles that occur after the men’s deployments in Afghanistan. What I really enjoyed and some readers may not enjoy as much as I, is how Goolsby tells the three men’s stories in a non linear manner, I felt this brought the story to life and made the characters all the more realistic. I’d Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them reads a lot like a memoir and yet it is a work of gut-wrenching literary fiction. Goolsby’s has crafted a beautifully written and eloquent debut and one I would recommend to those who enjoy well-written fiction as well as those who are in book discussion groups.

[Apollinaire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Takes place after the deployment, with the group of vets from an Afghanistan back home. Presents each of them in alternating stories.

I'm getting tired of this narrative strategy. Juxtaposition is emotionally distancing. Still, Goolsby is great at capturing the deadend lives and deadened feelings of these young vets, in a language that feels true to them without being a jargon/slang fest. Once in a while he does that Hemingwayesque thing of stringing clauses together with "and"--the macho form of incantatory, swoony prose. But he otherwise avoids any melodrama. Though the vets return plenty traumatised, it wasn't because of any particular headline-making tragedy or heroism but simply from the exigencies and inhumanity of war. That suffices. A mainly wise, compelling novel, always compassionate, never dogmatic.

[Donna Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This fictional memoir chronicles the lives of three men who join the US armed services and wind up together in Afghanistan. It follows them after they leave, coming home but not home, alienated, injured in various ways both tangible and intangible. It’s an important book to read, given the current state of affairs and the ways in which the government denies us information regarding the US war in Asia. Thank you to Edelweiss Above the Treeline and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for the DRC. It goes on the shelves June 2.

Dax, Wintric, and Torres come from different parts of the country, but all are members of the American proletariat. Jobs and a future are not abundant in down-at-the-heels America, economically past its prime. Each of them comes to the service not out of a longing for glory or out of feverish patriotism, but pragmatically; where else can they find a job? Who else will train them, send them to school free?

Most of their time in uniform is mind-numbingly dull. But it only takes a few minutes, perhaps even a few seconds to rock someone’s life and forever change it.

All of them return, and no one is the same. Goolsby deserves credit for developing well crafted, if not necessarily likable, characters. The ambiguity as to some of their fates made me a little crazy at times, but that also demonstrates how much I was invested in the story. Interesting to me was the fact that I bonded a lot more with the women in their lives than with any of them. Yes, I am female, but I can’t count the number of male protagonists in other novels that I’ve bonded with. I think it comes down to culture; I have never been able to understand gun nuts (which is how at least one of them comes back), or with those who turn to violence as a necessary aspect of their domestic lives. And yet the story is written in such a way that it is entirely believable.

Although I generally prefer urban settings in my fiction, I appreciated the way the writer cut across stereotypes of California by setting Wintric in the Northeast part of the state, a rural area near Chico. I think a lot of people who have not been to California, or who have flown into a major city and then back out, fail to appreciate how much of it is rural or wilderness. The character of Kristen as a girl who never wants to go further from home than the giant redwoods—doesn’t even need to get as far away as the Pacific Ocean!—was a brilliant stroke.

I’d Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them is not a cheerful book or an uplifting one; if you are inclined toward depression and decide to read this timely novel, find a second book that is humorous or heartwarming to alternate with this one. But for those of us here at home who see no film footage of this war, no news articles that show what takes place on the ground or even the coffins that are sent home thanks to the governmental news blackout, it is an important addition. Thoughtfully written, and recommended.

[Amanda Stevens · Rating 3 out of 5]

This work isn't really a novel; rather it's a collection of short stories that span many decades and link the lives of three soldiers: Dax, Armando, and Wintric. Goolsby presents their childhoods, their time serving together in the Army in Afghanistan, and their coming home to marry and start families. The snapshot stories sometimes bridge years and sometimes leave blank spaces. I'm glad I read it, glad I met these men and absorbed this frank, vivid prose. Most interesting was to see what snapshots the author chooses to define his characters and his themes.

I avoid fiction in which the point-of-view characters are serving or have served in our military unless the author has served him/herself. Not that one necessarily has to experience a thing in order to write fiction, but I've encountered too many novels with an agenda that disrespects members of the military. I picked up this book because the author is a U.S. Air Force officer. There's a strong and aching honesty in these characters. So much of the story shows the effects of a single moment or minute or day or year: war itself (specifically a war without clear goals); the decision to kill to survive and the second-guessing after it; the devastation of sexual assault; the expectations that loved ones can place on a person's healing process; the difficulty of communicating anything when so much exists inside one's head that can't be communicated.

As for craft, there's some head-hopping, mostly in the first few stories. The dialogue is realistic, though not really individualized for the characters. The point of view maintains a bit of distance, sometimes casting forward with a paragraph or two of omniscient "someday he will ..." or "he doesn't know now, but ..." This keeps us from existing in the moment with the characters, but it seems intentional and works overall.

I hated some of the events in this book, but clearly Goolsby intended me to. It would have earned four stars anyway, if not for the end. The conclusion of Dax's story is not only disturbing but also confusing, too much left unexplained (something I rarely say about fiction; I don't like explanatory prose). The conclusions for Armando and Wintric are moving and sad. And too hopeless for me. I don't doubt I'm supposed to feel about this book exactly the way I feel about it, and Goolsby is an adept writer who can evoke simultaneous sympathy and frustration. But hope is a thing I look for in fiction--whether hinted at for the future or achieved on the page. The places we leave each story don't seem to look toward hope for these men, which will keep me from reading the book again.

Three stars for an artful collection of stories that will make the reader ponder, that shows experience in minute, gritty detail and doesn't let the reader look away.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. It's remarkable work--even more so considering that it's Goolsby's first novel. The interwoven lives of the characters in this fairly short novel--I read it to my wife in one day--have an epic quality. His writing is strong and clean, and the book deals with two issues that are, in my experience, either under-treated or ignored outright in war literature: male rape and the generational ripple-effects of war trauma. In these senses, Goolsby's work is groundbreaking.

It's interesting to me that the reviews I've seen thus far focus on the "morally-questionable wartime act" the three friends--Wintric, Torres, and Big Dax--commit and don't even mention Wintric's rape. (I marked this "hidden because of spoilers" even though I don't think these are spoilers, but YMMV.) We experience the horror, pain, and shame of Wintric's sexual assault firsthand and we empathize with his lifelong struggle to face his attacker and conquer his demons. Thus we have compassion for his struggle with substance abuse, even while we see him destroying himself and his relationship. We need more of such insight in our literature, even when we don't want it (and dare I say because we don't want it)?

The ripple effects of combat are also oft overlooked in our understanding of the true cost of war and extremely difficult to pull off effectively--and Goolsby's work absolutely sings in this respect. We see the fragmented, troubled families from which our protagonists come and the subtle effects their experiences have on the families they produce.

For the content and the food for thought alone, I wanted to give this book 4 stars, but I cannot. Like Annie Proulx's Postcards, it leaves unanswered questions that don't seem necessary, such as the home invasion in Dax's absence and the circumstances of Dax's death. Goolsby overdoes repetition of details, as well. I appreciate that this is an invaluable tool to create drama, but it was a bit heavy-handed for my taste.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Author Goolsby has written a complicated book about boys going off to war and coming back as screwed up men.

The story focuses on three men - Wintric, Dax and Torres. All have reasons to join the service but for the most part are drifting aimlessly after high school, looking for some direction in their lives.

They meet up in Afghanistan and Dax and Torres take Wintric under their guidance. The three young men end up having to make a difficult decision in wartime that will affect them the rest of their lives. And they all come back stateside carrying that burden.

The women in their lives get to try to help them deal with their bugaboos, as this story is set a few years back and military counselors weren't helping much with PTSD.

Fully visualized characters and a twisty turning storyline bring this tale to life. There are times that it felt "draggy" to me and could have done with some word paring but overall, this is a realistic, hard hitting look at war, friendships, and the decisions we make.

NOTE: I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Katey Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was most impressed by Jesse Goolsby's debut novel because of its breadth. He spans decades of three soldiers' lives (mostly on the homefront) and fearlessly goes into bedrooms, backwoods, and on a few combat missions that few authors can render so precisely and efficiently. Above all else, Gooslby is a master of dialogue, which I much enjoyed in this book, and which also had me laughing out loud from time to time.

[Morgan Osborne · Rating 3 out of 5]

The pacing of this story seemed a bit off and it was difficult to connect with the characters, but it's a fine quick read!

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Strong debut novel by Goolsby. This is a story of the lives of three young men who are forever changed by their joint experiences in Afghanistan. The majority of the story focuses on each of their lives before and after Afghanistan. A couple pivotal experiences of the carnage of war, the bombing in the marketplace and the killing of the solo little girl, change or mark each of them for life. Goolsby captures the difficultly of assimilating back into American life and life with post war family experiences. He delves into the psychology and relationships of each of the men upon their return home. Each damaged for life.
Wintric Ellis joins the army to escape small town life in Chester, California. He leaves his high school girlfriend, Kristen, behind. As the men in the platoon joke, none of the women, married or unmarried who are left at home, will wait for them. Kristen gets mixed up with a very creepy character, Marcus, who has pined for her for years. Marcus is a twist but Goolsby loses sight of him as a character. I thought more might materialize between Wintric and Marcus but Goolsby didn't pursue that thread. Wintric experiences a personal assault while on tour and he is emotionally and mentally damaged as a result. I heard Goolsby interviewed on NPR and he spoke to why he included sexual assault in the novel. He feels this is an issue and crime often overlooked in the military and society. Wintric commits self-mutilation to get out of Afghanistan. Wintric and Kristen marry and have a son, Daniel. Wintric and Kristen have a troubled marriage. Kristen searches deep within herself to stay with Wintric with his addiction to OxyContin and his self-loathing.
Armando Torres grew up in Colorado Springs, Colorado in a religious Mormon family. His family experiences a horrific car accident and his mother is permanently impaired. Torres married Anna and they have two children, Mia and Camilla. Torres and Wintric remain in touch after their return. Torres's daughters never warm up to their father after his return from war. Torres becomes a motivational speaker to veterans. He tragically incurs a permanent debilitating injury from a woman texting while driving. In many ways his life becomes that of his mother; both are permanently physically and psychologically altered from car accidents.
Dax Bailey is core to the trio but the story focuses the least on him. He is from New Jersey and marries Nicholle, a Vanderbilt graduate, from Alabama. Nicholle's brother, Sim, is a good-for-nothing gambler and brings trouble to their home. Dax has a tragic pool accident. Wintric and Torres did not remain in contact with Dax.
At the end of the day, each character has questioned why they were in Afghanistan and what were they defending? Most of the people they encountered were just trying to survive in the chaos that invaded their country. Torres, Ellis and Dax each were trying to survive in their own worlds upon their return from duty. Forever changed in so many ways.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

The editing, whether a function of Goolsby's capacity for editing his own work, or a function of his professional editors, is fabulous. All writers who want to tell any story over a significant span of time, or jump across the lives of different characters, or address both event and aftermath should read this book. Shucks, everyone should read this book.

Goolsby captures the life of the person in the experience, the fallout as seen from that character, from the wife, from the child, from the child as an adult. We are not deluged with these disparate perspectives and the links between them--we are given just enough, and it is a gift. He does not attempt to tell us how everyone would respond to the events of the story, but he does a thorough and succinct job of describing how these characters respond, and that is illuminating if you open yourself up to it.

Read it because of the war. Read it because of adjusting back to life after war. Read it because of your lousy parents. Read it because you're doing the best you know how to do as a parent. Read it.

[Mark AntiSlave · Rating 5 out of 5]

When finding a well written book I often read it through at one sitting. So it was in reading I'd Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them by Jesse Goolsby. Each chapter is crafted as it's own short story with true stand alone visual poetic impact giving one perspective from blades of grass to the vast sky. In the same way the details of the characters personalities are presented with intimacy along with their increasing dilemmas exasperated by their shared wartime experiences. A well crafted realism that connects the violence of war with the personalities of humans bumping their way somewhat blindly through life. If you enjoy reading Kurt Vonnegut you will most likely appreciate I'd Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them.

[Siobhan Fallon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them opens in Afghanistan and actions there shadow the lives of Jesse Goolsby’s characters. But it’s the unplanned pregnancies, self-inflicted wounds, car accidents, gambling debts, and pervasive addictions of the home front that continue to create havoc as war memories turn into just that: memories.
Life continues in this bracing, riveting debut as soldiers realize their true struggle may be tackling the future rather than remaining mired in the past.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, I couldn't put this down. A provocative and disturbing account of three guys decision to join up, their deployment and return stateside.
I have no idea how Goolsby grabs the reader firmly and compels them to stick with each these characters as he spins their stories out. I found myself lost in each page.

[Ginny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Debut novel by a terrific writer. Will definitely keep my eye out for his next book.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very strong book, most impressive by the absence of completion of any story. The characters are real, the loss is sure. The stories are very well written.

[Martha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't like it, maybe too raw for me.

[Johanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

important and sometimes very good.

[Carl]

In calm, levelheaded prose, Coyne refutes the "accommodationist" position that science and faith belong to "two non-overlapping magisteria" -- a theory coined by his late colleague Stephen Jay Gould that espouses that science concerns itself with establishing facts about the physical universe, while religion is interested in spiritual matters, and the two therefore cannot be in conflict. Reconciling the two is impossible, he writes, because religion’s "combination of certainty, morality, and universal punishment is toxic," while science, in contrast, acknowledges the fact that it might err, arriving at truths that are "provisional and evidence-based," but at least testable. Unlike religion, science self-corrects, points out its errors, and tries again.

Jeffrey Tayler's review of biologist Jerry Coyne's new book Faith Versus Fact includes the preceding paragraph, which is one of dozens of things I have read recently which refer to humans' need for certainty. Jesse Goolsby's new novel about soldiers and veterans -- and the people around them -- has nothing to do with science but it does tackle uncertainty in a way that challenges our desperation to know things. Coyne's description of religion's "combination" of factors, applied to Goolsby's pulsing book, tells me this: the novel not only doesn't "have religion" but also that it makes a profound, even desperate effort to eradicate from us the typical reader's (and typical human's) quest for certainty.

Of course, the quest for certainty plays a huge role in the relationship between society and war. Like other impressive recent war novels I have read recently, I'd Walk burrows down not into the heroism but the humanity of soldiers. There is neither love for nor illusion about nor, in this novel, even attention to the role of the nation. Shit just is, and if one tries to find purpose, arc, morals, or facts, one will be sorely disappointed. The true believers -- like Torres's brutal father -- come off as even worse than the losers do. I recall the old line about there being no atheists in foxholes; this novel strikes me as painting over that with something like surviving a foxhole will make you an atheist or at least reading about foxholes will make you disbelieve just about anything about purpose in the universe.

In one resonant passage, Big Dax, Armando Torres, Wintric Ellis, and an unnamed lieutenant are suffering in Afghanistan, when the LT complains that he and the other soldiers are going to pay with their health for breathing smoke from the pits that are supposedly being used to burn soldiers' waste. When asked what other than waste is being smoked up at them from the pit, the LT says,

"Everything and nothing. Listen, guys are already complaining, but we're in a war. Put it this way, no one's bitching back home if it's a bomb or our burning shit that takes someone out. Don't take that the wrong way. But just wait, when we're all sixty the government will admit that we poisoned ourselves, give the living ones a couple grand, maybe some VA bennies. That's it. Thanks for volunteering."

"So you're saying we're burning more than our shit?" Wintric says.

"Will do more damage than these Taliban jerk-offs."

"No offense, LT," Wintric says. "I hear you, but it could be a flu."

"Damn, Ellis. You're making sense to me. You're an optimist. They need you at West Point. Stay with it, man. Stay with it." (103)

Conspiracy theory, of course, not to mention a violation of Occam's Razor. But in the wake of Agent Orange, not to mention the toxic haze from the smoking pile of the World Trade Center after 9/11, this madness has a bit of method to it. As for Goolsby's design, we find out nothing further about this, nor about much else that the novel opens questions about.

Even Torres's crazy father, who epitomizes the paranoid who may once in a while be right about being followed, makes sense about the corruption of the myth of the military hero (120-121). "People are capable of appreciation," Armando insists, but this novel clubs us with doubt.

Goolsby himself wrote in Salon (July 4, 2015), in a commentary about how war surprised him by being so much less clear than he had once thought, "And what do you expect from me now after years of reflection? That I’ve learned something other than to question everything? ... Somewhere inside me lives a person that can be convinced, easily, to strike first. How do I talk him down? What would that sound like?"

Justice is elusive. The most intense of these recent works of fiction that deconstruct the war myths -- Matterhorn, The Yellow Birds, Redeployment, drinking from the same spring as the two-decades-old classic The Things They Carried -- are fictions by veterans. These are not simply hippie peaceniks but bearers of deep credibility, not to mention likely scars of their own. The presence of PTSD, in particular, looms large in Things characters like Norman Bowker, several stories from Redeployment, The Yellow Birds, and especially here. Certain things were supposed to happen, and not only do we not see them happen, we don't even know that they won't...or didn't.

Therein lies my problem with this novel, which I found touching, well-written, and vibrant, not to mention smart. My postmodernism-loving self is quite comfortable with uncertainty, but even that can be overdone. Too many things were not merely unclear here; I was unable to see whether they were supposed to be unclear or whether they were simply left hanging. This reminds me of a critique of the most modern of modern art: am I seeing anything at all? I am thinking in particular not of the central driving mystery -- who shot the suicide bomber who jogged at their position in a stunningly dramatic and well-written scene? -- but of several other scenes. One: what happened in a later death scene that seemed too obliquely rendered? Loose ends I can handle. There seemed to be a superfluity of them, where the looseness was the point.

It's hard to criticize postmodern art for being oblique, which is frustrating...and kinda the point. Things can be said -- Tim O'Brien did it in TTTC -- even in a postmodern venue, though. When it comes down to it, this novel satisfied resoundingly in its undermining and it's impressionism and its scarification, even if it fell somewhat short in its overall execution.

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a modern story about the effects of war on soldiers when they return. if hit home quite a bit because they events in the story were ones that i could recall historically. the characters were believable and deep enough to keep it interesting. i do think i can relate to this book more that i would have a couple years ago in large part because of my involvement with wounded warrior project. so many of our veterans come home broken on the inside and have no way to let it out. they struggle to adapt and the world just keeps moving. i can only hope that one day we'll do a better job of not just recognizing their service but truly helping our warriors transition to civilian life with clear purpose. at any rate, the author does a good job highlighting the struggles so many vets face on a daily basis after returning. this is not necessarily a happy read, but it wasn't overly sad, either. a solid first novel by the author. i'm curious to see where his story telling takes him from here.

[Stephanie Pieck · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel follows three men as the return from serving in Afghanistan. They all share an experience there that will shape their lives for years to come, yet the event lies buried deep in each man's memory. The book portrays the different ways families, wives, friends, and communities respond to returning soldiers whose "war" never really ended despite their status as veterans. The book also highlights the shifting face of war, from the clearly-defined battles of World War II through the "conflict" in Vietnam and the ongoing involvement in the Middle East.
The characters are well-drawn and compelling.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story about 3 soldiers and how war breaks some people -- and how they cope, or try to. Some things in life can haunt a person for a lifetime, as acts of war often seem to do. War is hell any way you look at it. It always has been and always will be, it seems. This story focuses on the families of these three men, and the men themselves, and how their lives change after returning home. It's about how the changes affect families, because war doesn't stop at broken soldiers.

It's a quietly profound book with some lively, realistic conversations, situations, and descriptions. I somehow didn't feel it was a 5 star read on my radar, but it will be on someone else's, no doubt.

[Adam Damron · Rating 2 out of 5]

intriguing at first but becomes bland quickly - much like eating peanuts w/ the shell; glad to add the book to my 2023 reading challenge, tho.

aside from the filler (maybe 100 pages?) of characters and their respective perspectives that i really couldn't have cared less about, it wasn't awful, but nothing really drew me to the post-deployment stories of the (3) main characters - Wintric (awful name, imo), Torres and Dax.

once read, the title also doesn't make sense to me as (*SPOILER*) 2 of the 3 characters appear to remain in contact after serving and none of the main characters appear to even care about any "bond" that may have been formed during tours.

[Meggan · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A difficult read and not my usual genre, but I thought it was well done.

[Laynee Blauvelt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not something I usually read but I throughly enjoyed it

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from the publisher & Net Galley in exchange for my honest unbiased review

I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them was a very gut wrenching read. It is sad and hopeful at the same time. The story follows 3 American Soliders Wintric, Dax, and Torres, each of them have their own troubles to deal with. The story is told through the 3 point of views, as we get to know each person and their story. The book focuses on what happens after their Afghanistan deployment.

Blurb
In this powerful debut novel, three American soldiers haunted by their actions in Afghanistan search for absolution and human connectionin family and civilian life. Wintric Ellis joins the army as soon as he graduates from high school, saying goodbye to his girlfriend, Kristen, and to the backwoods California town whose borders have always been the limits of his horizon. Deployed in Afghanistan two years into a directionless war, he struggles to find his bearings in a place where allies could at any second turn out to be foes. Two career soldiers, Dax and Torres, take Wintric under their wing. Together, these three men face an impossible choice: risk death or commit a harrowing act of war. The aftershocks echo long after each returns home to a transfigured world, where his own children may fear to touch him and his nightmares still hold sway. Jesse Goolsby casts backward and forward in time to track these unforgettable characters from childhood to parenthood, from redwood forests to open desert roads to the streets of Kabul. Hailed by Robert Olen Butler as a "major literary event," "I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them" is a work of disarming eloquence and heart-wrenching wisdom, and a debut novel from a writer to watch.

The characters and their stories felt real, I felt like I knew each of them.

I'd Walk with My Friends If I Could Find Them is a wonderful heart-breaking novel that you need to read!

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Jesse Goolsby’s “I’d Walk With My Friends If I Could Find them,” we see the how the fallout of war reverberates not only in the lives of three men, but also through their families for years to come.

The book starts in Afghanistan, and we see the chaos and humanity through three characters—Dax, Torres, and Wintric. Then we go back in time and get the characters’ backstories, seeing where these men came from. The end of the book projects into the future, so we get to see the trajectories their lives take. The result is a well-rounded character study of each man. They each are damaged, yet tender. But we also see the men as others see them, namely through the wives, daughters, and sons in their lives.

The understated tension kept me reading and I progressed through the book quickly. Will she stay or go? Will he kill or not? Despite his damaged body, will he find love that night? I never quite knew what the characters were going to do. Their experiences made their actions completely unpredictable. Can they keep it together? Or has the war totally unhinged them? Are they finally going to reach a breaking point and if so, what is that going to look like?

The scene with Wintric and his three-year-old son is the book’s most disturbing, yet captivating. It struck me as a very real situation, though one people probably would never talk about.

I often stumbled upon beautiful passages: “Dax had never considered choosing between flame and gravity, but watching the people fall to their deaths, weighing which way to die, he guessed he would pick gravity.” Or as one character says to another, “We’re only what we’ve been. What you want to be means nothing.” Almost every chapter ended on a brilliant, poignant note.

The writing and the stories pulled me in. I was sad to leave the characters, but it’s always good when a book ends leaving you wanting more.