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Elena Vanishing
Seventeen-year-old Elena is vanishing. Every day means renewed determination, so every day means fewer calories. This is the story of a girl whose armor against anxiety becomes artillery against herself as she battles on both sides of a lose-lose war in a struggle with anorexia.
Told entirely from Elena's perspective over a five-year period and co-written with her mother, award-winning author Clare B. Dunkle, Elena's memoir is a fascinating and intimate look at a deadly disease, and a must read for anyone who knows someone suffering from an eating disorder.
Told entirely from Elena's perspective over a five-year period and co-written with her mother, award-winning author Clare B. Dunkle, Elena's memoir is a fascinating and intimate look at a deadly disease, and a must read for anyone who knows someone suffering from an eating disorder.
296 pages, Hardcover
First published May 19, 2015
475 people are currently reading
9783 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 612 reviews
March 31, 2016
An Advanced Reader Copy was provided by the publisher for review.
Starting this one, I knew I was going to have trouble getting into the mind-set. Not only is this story real since it's a memoir, what she goes through is what happened in her life. Her thoughts are real. That made a big difference when I was reading it.
Elena feels like she has lost control over her life, and the one thing she believes she can do is to control what she eats. Everything has to be perfect. Being told she's beautiful by others is not enough. She is constantly weighing herself, fighting with her mind and her thoughts on a daily basis. The inner voice saying terrible things all the time..I personally wanted to punch it. In the end, I knew she would get help. She would have hope and pull through. I believe this is a necessary look into people who are suffering this eating disorder.
It's a memoir on her life long battle with food. And that battle almost costs her her life. Told in a beautiful yet haunting voice, Elena Vanishing will have you fighting along side Elena as she battles this disorder. Let her tell you her story, and I promise you, you will feel all the feels.
RATING 4/5
QUOTES
"Pain doesn't bother me. I'm not afraid. I'm used to living with pain. "
"Anger is honest. Hatred is a backhanded compliment. Envy is the best gift of all. But let them turn you into a victim, and you're labeled for life."
"She hates you because she's fat. She hates you because you're in control. She'd break down that control if she could."
"You do everything right and one little thing wrong, and the one thing wrong is all she see."
"I'm part of you. I know what you've done. You'll never get rid of me now."
"Recovery is a path, not a destination."
Starting this one, I knew I was going to have trouble getting into the mind-set. Not only is this story real since it's a memoir, what she goes through is what happened in her life. Her thoughts are real. That made a big difference when I was reading it.
Elena feels like she has lost control over her life, and the one thing she believes she can do is to control what she eats. Everything has to be perfect. Being told she's beautiful by others is not enough. She is constantly weighing herself, fighting with her mind and her thoughts on a daily basis. The inner voice saying terrible things all the time..I personally wanted to punch it. In the end, I knew she would get help. She would have hope and pull through. I believe this is a necessary look into people who are suffering this eating disorder.
It's a memoir on her life long battle with food. And that battle almost costs her her life. Told in a beautiful yet haunting voice, Elena Vanishing will have you fighting along side Elena as she battles this disorder. Let her tell you her story, and I promise you, you will feel all the feels.
RATING 4/5
QUOTES
"Pain doesn't bother me. I'm not afraid. I'm used to living with pain. "
"Anger is honest. Hatred is a backhanded compliment. Envy is the best gift of all. But let them turn you into a victim, and you're labeled for life."
"She hates you because she's fat. She hates you because you're in control. She'd break down that control if she could."
"You do everything right and one little thing wrong, and the one thing wrong is all she see."
"I'm part of you. I know what you've done. You'll never get rid of me now."
"Recovery is a path, not a destination."
April 5, 2015
Amazing story. I am always looking for inspiring and insightful biographies and autobiographies. "Elena Vanishing" had me intrigued because of the topic, Elena's eating disorder. I have never understood, how anyone could starve themselves or binge and purge. None of this has ever made sense to me. Elena takes the reader right into the mind of a young seemingly successful woman. We see the world from her viewpoint, and it had me scared. Her level of self hatred and the extreme of perfection was eye opening. I don't know if all people who suffer from eating disorders, also have the amount of self doubt, self hate and depression that Elena had...but - wow. I always doubt myself, sometimes call myself stupid in my own head, but I don't really believe myself. Elena, believed those voices in her head, the voice that told her she was a fat slob, that she was an idiot. Everyone around her told her she was beautiful, smart and they wished they could be more like her. This only gave fuel to her fire of striving more and more into the deep dark world of starvation - the one thing Elena control.
You never know how fragile the person next to you is. They could appear to be this happy, intelligent, with it person, but inside they are screaming at themselves.
Elena, finally managed to get healed after several treatment centers. Some of the centers she describes, I cannot believe are legitimate centers. They seemed like prisons. Elena does end the book with a few thoughtful insights. Her story in no way shape or form is to be used to treat eating disorders - it is plainly her story of vanishing and returning.
I'm looking forward to reading the companion book written by her mother, "Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother's Life with a Daughter's Anorexia"
Check out Elena's website too: http://www.elenadunkle.com/
http://www.elenadunkle.com/
You never know how fragile the person next to you is. They could appear to be this happy, intelligent, with it person, but inside they are screaming at themselves.
Elena, finally managed to get healed after several treatment centers. Some of the centers she describes, I cannot believe are legitimate centers. They seemed like prisons. Elena does end the book with a few thoughtful insights. Her story in no way shape or form is to be used to treat eating disorders - it is plainly her story of vanishing and returning.
I'm looking forward to reading the companion book written by her mother, "Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother's Life with a Daughter's Anorexia"
Check out Elena's website too: http://www.elenadunkle.com/
http://www.elenadunkle.com/
March 13, 2018
Awesomely powerful, well-written memoir about the horrors of anorexia, hospitalization, family drama, mental illness and more. I have a LOT to say about this book: (1) I have stayed up allllll night to finish the Audible version of this novel (2) The narrator was excellent (3) I cannot write anything more until I get some frigging COFFEE. --Jen from Quebec :0)
May 7, 2015
**I originally reviewed this novel for Reading Teen and you can visit their blog as well.
Release Date: May 19, 2015
It seems almost impossible to describe the voice in your head when you have an Eating Disorder. The voice is disembodied, but it seems more tangible than a book in your hands or the food sitting on a plate in front of you. That voice fills up the space in your mind and takes away the silence and peace that you’ve worked so hard to achieve. It tells you all of the things you hate most about yourself and drills them into your subconscious, and the worst part is that you believe every insult it throws at you.
Elena Dunkle’s memoir, Elena Vanishing, is the first book that I’ve ever read that gives a completely honest picture of how hard it is to accept that there is a problem and that help is needed. The authors note at the beginning of the novel that Elena’s story is true, but that there are fictional aspects to the story. Does that sound contradictory? Of course, but so is life with an eating disorder. But the main point of that disclaimer is to recognize how impairing an eating disorder can be and how many memories and moments are distorted through the disease. So when venturing into reading this, remember that parts are embellished based on Elena’s experience. Instead of taking away from the narrative, I believe that these parts make the story even more powerful.
The writing is superb, and Elena acknowledges that the majority of the writing was actually completed by her mother, Clare, but that the collaborative effort was intense and brought them closer together. Be aware that this story is very painful. There are a lot of family issues explored, self esteem, depression, self harm, obsessive compulsive disorder, and a lot more on top of the eating disorder. By no means is the narrative overwhelming, the Dunkles did a fantastic job of displaying the harrowing details of their experience with Anorexia without being too overwhelming. The pacing is excellent and at no point did the narrative lag.
While I find this memoir to have been comforting due to feeling like someone finally put words on a page to describe my struggle, please be aware that stories like these can also be triggering for some who are struggling with eating disorders. I firmly encourage you to reach out to your primary care physician or therapist if you are having trouble. Elena states in the memoir: getting help saved her life. It saved mine. It can save yours.
For more information about eating disorders and treatment options please visit the National Eating Disorder Association.
For more information about Elena, her struggle, and her life now please visit her website.
You can also connect to Elena on Twitter: @ElenaDunkle
Release Date: May 19, 2015
It seems almost impossible to describe the voice in your head when you have an Eating Disorder. The voice is disembodied, but it seems more tangible than a book in your hands or the food sitting on a plate in front of you. That voice fills up the space in your mind and takes away the silence and peace that you’ve worked so hard to achieve. It tells you all of the things you hate most about yourself and drills them into your subconscious, and the worst part is that you believe every insult it throws at you.
Elena Dunkle’s memoir, Elena Vanishing, is the first book that I’ve ever read that gives a completely honest picture of how hard it is to accept that there is a problem and that help is needed. The authors note at the beginning of the novel that Elena’s story is true, but that there are fictional aspects to the story. Does that sound contradictory? Of course, but so is life with an eating disorder. But the main point of that disclaimer is to recognize how impairing an eating disorder can be and how many memories and moments are distorted through the disease. So when venturing into reading this, remember that parts are embellished based on Elena’s experience. Instead of taking away from the narrative, I believe that these parts make the story even more powerful.
The writing is superb, and Elena acknowledges that the majority of the writing was actually completed by her mother, Clare, but that the collaborative effort was intense and brought them closer together. Be aware that this story is very painful. There are a lot of family issues explored, self esteem, depression, self harm, obsessive compulsive disorder, and a lot more on top of the eating disorder. By no means is the narrative overwhelming, the Dunkles did a fantastic job of displaying the harrowing details of their experience with Anorexia without being too overwhelming. The pacing is excellent and at no point did the narrative lag.
While I find this memoir to have been comforting due to feeling like someone finally put words on a page to describe my struggle, please be aware that stories like these can also be triggering for some who are struggling with eating disorders. I firmly encourage you to reach out to your primary care physician or therapist if you are having trouble. Elena states in the memoir: getting help saved her life. It saved mine. It can save yours.
For more information about eating disorders and treatment options please visit the National Eating Disorder Association.
For more information about Elena, her struggle, and her life now please visit her website.
You can also connect to Elena on Twitter: @ElenaDunkle
August 11, 2022
Grade: D
Whenever I read a memoir, I hope to be able to root for the writer, even if I can't put myself in her shoes. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find much likable about the main character/writer in ELENA VANISHING.
I enjoyed Elena Dunkle's writing style and that she didn't seem to hold back on showing her flaws, which is both a positive and negative. Kudos for her honesty, but I found her lacking insight, conceited/snobbish, narcissistic and selfish, so I just didn't care about her recovery. I hated how she treated the professionals who tried to help her, her family, even her friends. A traumatic experience and anger issues make me empathic to Elena's struggles, but not to her behavior toward others.
THEMES: eating disorders, mental health, rape, family, mothers, siblings
I don't recommend this forgettable memoir because of the main character, although the writing is decent.
Whenever I read a memoir, I hope to be able to root for the writer, even if I can't put myself in her shoes. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find much likable about the main character/writer in ELENA VANISHING.
I enjoyed Elena Dunkle's writing style and that she didn't seem to hold back on showing her flaws, which is both a positive and negative. Kudos for her honesty, but I found her lacking insight, conceited/snobbish, narcissistic and selfish, so I just didn't care about her recovery. I hated how she treated the professionals who tried to help her, her family, even her friends. A traumatic experience and anger issues make me empathic to Elena's struggles, but not to her behavior toward others.
THEMES: eating disorders, mental health, rape, family, mothers, siblings
I don't recommend this forgettable memoir because of the main character, although the writing is decent.
July 11, 2016
Trigger Warnings: Eating Disorders, Self Harm, and Rape
I personally read novels involving mental illness quite often. Though I have never really read books involving eating disorders. In Identical by Ellen Hopkins there is an eating disorder element but it was not the main focus. Those who are wondering this is a memory of Elena Dunkle who is sharing her experience with anorexia. We see her relationship with food and the voice in her head always telling her she is never enough. We see how this effects her parents and family a bit as well.
Those who are unaware about anorexia, I will insert a bit of info on it provided from eatingdisorderhope.com:
This book again is extremely triggering so if you are recovering from an eating disorder make sure you are ready enough to pick up a book like this.
The writing was just average or a bit under. It was a gripping read and I read it very quickly! Some things I feel could have been taken out and some things just didn't connect- I guess. I also found something to be missing for me, there is usually an extra something with books like this but this lacked that for me. I do believe that this really gives others insight to the disorder. Some things did feel jumpy but overall it gets it's message across.
I found the rape aspect in this novel came out of no where. I thought it was just there to give an "explanation" for her eating disorder. I know this is a memoir and by no means am I bashing this girl but I feel like the resolution was sudden and didn't feel fleshed out enough.
I would still recommend this to those interested in novels involving eating disorders. I do want explore more books similar to this. I felt this was powerful and hard hitting but was ultimately missing something.
“Where does thin become fat? Where does success become failure? Where does a great future become a horrible past full of heartache and regret?”
I personally read novels involving mental illness quite often. Though I have never really read books involving eating disorders. In Identical by Ellen Hopkins there is an eating disorder element but it was not the main focus. Those who are wondering this is a memory of Elena Dunkle who is sharing her experience with anorexia. We see her relationship with food and the voice in her head always telling her she is never enough. We see how this effects her parents and family a bit as well.
"Anger is honest. Hatred is backhanded compliment. Envy is the best git of all. But let them turn you into a victim, and you're labeled for life. Pity is the sea you drown in"
Those who are unaware about anorexia, I will insert a bit of info on it provided from eatingdisorderhope.com:
"Anorexia Nervosa is a psychological and possibly life-threatening eating disorder defined by an extremely low body weight relative to stature (this is called BMI [Body Mass Index] and is a function of an individual’s height and weight), extreme and needless weight loss, illogical fear of weight gain, and distorted perception of self-image and body."
This book again is extremely triggering so if you are recovering from an eating disorder make sure you are ready enough to pick up a book like this.
The writing was just average or a bit under. It was a gripping read and I read it very quickly! Some things I feel could have been taken out and some things just didn't connect- I guess. I also found something to be missing for me, there is usually an extra something with books like this but this lacked that for me. I do believe that this really gives others insight to the disorder. Some things did feel jumpy but overall it gets it's message across.
I found the rape aspect in this novel came out of no where. I thought it was just there to give an "explanation" for her eating disorder. I know this is a memoir and by no means am I bashing this girl but I feel like the resolution was sudden and didn't feel fleshed out enough.
I would still recommend this to those interested in novels involving eating disorders. I do want explore more books similar to this. I felt this was powerful and hard hitting but was ultimately missing something.
January 17, 2017
This book was so great and definitely for fans of Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson.
The message of the book will stay with me forever. Unfortunately, it took me months to read because the narrator is so vain it hurts. The last half is so good though that it makes the struggle of reading the first bit worth it.
AND THE LAST LINE OF THE BOOK IS ABSOLUTE. PERFECTION.
The message of the book will stay with me forever. Unfortunately, it took me months to read because the narrator is so vain it hurts. The last half is so good though that it makes the struggle of reading the first bit worth it.
AND THE LAST LINE OF THE BOOK IS ABSOLUTE. PERFECTION.
December 18, 2017
I have mixed feelings about this book. I go back and forth between liking it and disliking it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is a very good book, it isn’t the writing of it, or the vocabulary, nor the characters, it is more just that they topic is a very hard and real situation to put myself into and is a topic that I have heard of but I am very foreign to it and unfamiliar to it. Honestly, Elena makes me think that anorexia is a mental and physical sickness which I’m not sure about because I don’t have any perspectives to base her conscious off of. But overall, I do really enjoy this story and like learning about his sort of thing. All though it is horrible to learn about, it is important to learn about and totally changed my understanding and perspective of anorexia as a whole and in the mental and physical department.
December 18, 2017
Elena, a seventeen year old girl who has a voice in her head that tells her what to do in order to be perfect. Put on makeup. Have good grades. Work at least two jobs. And never, ever eat. “No one likes you, you are fat, you are obese.” This is the voice in her head, and it controls her. Elena has to go from hospital to hospital, trying to fight her conscience. This book was amazing. It teaches a strong lesson, and is very powerful. One of the reasons I loved this book is because it is non fiction, but it reads like a narrative. It doesn’t just state facts, it shows Elena’s perspective of her story. I would recommend this book to mature readers, because of some of the explicit words and content.
July 23, 2018
Its rare for me to rate a book with one star, but here we are. The book was written in present tense from the perspective of a person with anorexia. The main character was so hateful and shallow it was difficult to care about her as the story continued. The author wasn't able to write about this portion of her life in a way that was reflective and forgiving to her younger self and the result was uncomfortable to experience. The memoir was flat, the narrator was unlikable to say the least, and it felt like it was written in a way that could be harmful. It almost became a how to manual for cultivating anorexia.
I didn't like it so much I returned the audiobook - which I have never done before but Audible is a godsend for this very reason.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. I'm upset I wasted my time trying to get through it.
I didn't like it so much I returned the audiobook - which I have never done before but Audible is a godsend for this very reason.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. I'm upset I wasted my time trying to get through it.
November 17, 2017
I enjoy reading memoirs but this one felt like a quilt sewn from jagged pieces. The writer is Elena's mom who took all her daughter's memories of her struggles with anorexia and pieced them together- except it wasn't a smooth enough story.
But still - this book is a valuable window into the mind of one suffering from anorexia. Elena's daily struggles and inner voice were harsh & terrifying to read. I cried several times at the end. What a messy life we live! "Life is love. Life, in all its suffering, is love. And death is powerless to change that."
But still - this book is a valuable window into the mind of one suffering from anorexia. Elena's daily struggles and inner voice were harsh & terrifying to read. I cried several times at the end. What a messy life we live! "Life is love. Life, in all its suffering, is love. And death is powerless to change that."
June 16, 2015
Really good and realistic portrait of life with an eating disorder. It doesn't sugar coat anything and it paints things in an authentic light.
October 21, 2019
Extraordinarily powerful, wrenching, raw, and graphic memoir of trauma, bulimia, self-harm, and anorexia. Literally every new page brought a worse horror. It's amazingly detailed in its description of every painful experience a female can endure. A brilliant book.
July 31, 2017
3.5 stars.
I feel like a crappy person for rating this book less than four stars because it's a real person that went through all this hard stuff. It just didn't evoke much emotion from me. Maybe it means I'm heartless, but I think part of it was the writing style. It felt sort of dry, and it made Elena come off as judgemental and selfish. I didfeel bad for Elena, but (this is going to sound really bad) I've felt worse for fictional characters. Ah man, im running myself into a hole for saying that. I'll move on.
Elena Vanishing has some pretty tough subjects: rape, strained family dynamics, college parties where they drink tons, and, of course, anorexia. Some things i could completely relate to (needing to be in control of my life), while others I had a hard time understanding like the need to constantly be busy. I can't exactly criticize the author's choice because it was a memoir, but I must say there were some decisions she and her mother made that I disagreed with. For example, her mother sent Elena off to a German, girl-only boarding school when she was in middle school and only got to see Elena every 3 weeks. At that young age, adolescents are so impressionable and need good role models. They're easily influenced by older teens, and I think one of the reasons she became anorexic is because an older girl at her cafeteria table was. It didn't help that her roommate was bulimic. There were some other choices that I didnt think her mother or herself thought out well.
Anyway, I felt bad for both mother and daughter. It's tough to read about someone who's hurting so much. And it was hard to believe someone went through all of what was described in Elena Vanishing.
One thing i think wasn't written well was the timeline. I'm pretty sure the book started when she was seventeen and then I lost track on how much time went by. I know she was a sophomore in college about the middle of the book, but then she and I was like wait what? The writing style wasn't my favorite either, but Elena got her story across well enough. I think a story on something like anorexia is a lot about emotion. Sometimes this book lacked that. One time it said, "They made me call Mom and Dad and tell them about the rape and even though I hated it." Think about if she had described that phone call, how she felt saying those words to her parents. It would've been more emotional for the reader.
Overall, it was sad but not particularly moving. She had some crazy teen and young adult years, yet I didn't get any deep emotions from it (like I did from All the Rage which is about a girl who was raped). I'll just leave this review with a quote that sums up the book: "It doesn't matter what I see. It only matters what other people see: cool, calm, in-control perfection that can deal with yelling psychiatrists and still smile."
I feel like a crappy person for rating this book less than four stars because it's a real person that went through all this hard stuff. It just didn't evoke much emotion from me. Maybe it means I'm heartless, but I think part of it was the writing style. It felt sort of dry, and it made Elena come off as judgemental and selfish. I didfeel bad for Elena, but (this is going to sound really bad) I've felt worse for fictional characters. Ah man, im running myself into a hole for saying that. I'll move on.
Elena Vanishing has some pretty tough subjects: rape, strained family dynamics, college parties where they drink tons, and, of course, anorexia. Some things i could completely relate to (needing to be in control of my life), while others I had a hard time understanding like the need to constantly be busy. I can't exactly criticize the author's choice because it was a memoir, but I must say there were some decisions she and her mother made that I disagreed with. For example, her mother sent Elena off to a German, girl-only boarding school when she was in middle school and only got to see Elena every 3 weeks. At that young age, adolescents are so impressionable and need good role models. They're easily influenced by older teens, and I think one of the reasons she became anorexic is because an older girl at her cafeteria table was. It didn't help that her roommate was bulimic. There were some other choices that I didnt think her mother or herself thought out well.
Anyway, I felt bad for both mother and daughter. It's tough to read about someone who's hurting so much. And it was hard to believe someone went through all of what was described in Elena Vanishing.
One thing i think wasn't written well was the timeline. I'm pretty sure the book started when she was seventeen and then I lost track on how much time went by. I know she was a sophomore in college about the middle of the book, but then she and I was like wait what? The writing style wasn't my favorite either, but Elena got her story across well enough. I think a story on something like anorexia is a lot about emotion. Sometimes this book lacked that. One time it said, "They made me call Mom and Dad and tell them about the rape and even though I hated it." Think about if she had described that phone call, how she felt saying those words to her parents. It would've been more emotional for the reader.
Overall, it was sad but not particularly moving. She had some crazy teen and young adult years, yet I didn't get any deep emotions from it (like I did from All the Rage which is about a girl who was raped). I'll just leave this review with a quote that sums up the book: "It doesn't matter what I see. It only matters what other people see: cool, calm, in-control perfection that can deal with yelling psychiatrists and still smile."
November 9, 2014
Dunkle, Elena. Elena Vanishing. Chronicle Books, 2015.
Elena is a teen who is suffering from anorexia, although she wouldn't tell you she is suffering. She is battling the number on the scale and attaining perfection through control of her food. This is Elena's story, told in Elena's voice as she recalls her ongoing struggle against an eating disorder.
This isn't an easy book to read, but it's a timely one, and the fact that the author is also a teen/new adult will make this book appeal to a teen audience. Elena's mother has also written a book about the same time period, Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother's Life with a Daughter's Anorexia. It would be interesting to read both books back to back and see the same story from two different perspectives.
Recommended for: teens and those who work with them
Red Flags: discussion of eating disorders, rape, drug use, language
Overall Rating: 4/5 stars
Read-Alikes: Wintergirls, Skinny, Purge
Elena is a teen who is suffering from anorexia, although she wouldn't tell you she is suffering. She is battling the number on the scale and attaining perfection through control of her food. This is Elena's story, told in Elena's voice as she recalls her ongoing struggle against an eating disorder.
This isn't an easy book to read, but it's a timely one, and the fact that the author is also a teen/new adult will make this book appeal to a teen audience. Elena's mother has also written a book about the same time period, Hope and Other Luxuries: A Mother's Life with a Daughter's Anorexia. It would be interesting to read both books back to back and see the same story from two different perspectives.
Recommended for: teens and those who work with them
Red Flags: discussion of eating disorders, rape, drug use, language
Overall Rating: 4/5 stars
Read-Alikes: Wintergirls, Skinny, Purge
May 4, 2025
4/5 :)
TW: Eating Disorders, Miscarriage, and Rape
This book was slightly confusing in terms of descriptions, time skips, and her dissociation but I like how since it is a memoir, nothing was watered down and it felt realistic. Yes it was gross reading about her purging and her miscarriage but that shows in real time people can commit actions like purging and starving themselves and face terrible consequences. It was nice how Elena gets past that voice in her head always saying negative things about herself and accepts that people love her and actually want to help her. I know personally it’s hard to open up to people especially your parents if its something that’s traumatic so it was great to see their relationship heal as Elena was healing herself and opened up about her rape.
Overall, I would recommend “Elena Vanishing” to people because it shows a huge change in Elena’s health and mindset and I think it’s very inspiring how far she’s come despite her hardships (however, this might be triggering to those who have or are trying to recover from an ed and of course as the author said, don’t take her experience as a model for how you or those around you should handle eating disorders).
TW: Eating Disorders, Miscarriage, and Rape
This book was slightly confusing in terms of descriptions, time skips, and her dissociation but I like how since it is a memoir, nothing was watered down and it felt realistic. Yes it was gross reading about her purging and her miscarriage but that shows in real time people can commit actions like purging and starving themselves and face terrible consequences. It was nice how Elena gets past that voice in her head always saying negative things about herself and accepts that people love her and actually want to help her. I know personally it’s hard to open up to people especially your parents if its something that’s traumatic so it was great to see their relationship heal as Elena was healing herself and opened up about her rape.
Overall, I would recommend “Elena Vanishing” to people because it shows a huge change in Elena’s health and mindset and I think it’s very inspiring how far she’s come despite her hardships (however, this might be triggering to those who have or are trying to recover from an ed and of course as the author said, don’t take her experience as a model for how you or those around you should handle eating disorders).
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 2, 2022
Wow wow wow! I’ve read and started a few books about eating disorders, every time they do a good job of portraying how, in my opinion speaking from experience, people feel with an Ed. This book tho had my attention from the beginning, it’s a memoir so if you’ve had or know someone who has/had an Ed it really speaks to you, you see how an Ed had actually effected a real living family and their relationship. This book was different than the other Ed books I’ve read. It’s hard to even describe.
Take the book “Wintergirls” by Laurie Halse Anderson. It’s fictional but obviously it’s a real life problem that effect’s people. But knowing it’s fiction is different than knowing if a book is real, somehow you connect to it more if it’s real. Now don’t get me wrong, that book is great, I just liked how I can connect more to the people of this book.
Eating disorders are hard and watching this girl go though one for such a long time is hard too. She refuses to be treated, doesn’t believe she even has and Ed and says she doesn’t need to be treated. You watch as her parents struggle to help her. You watch as she goes through her own struggles, you’ll have to find out in the book. When memories finally unlock and the cause or her Ed is revealed your heart breaks for her.
The whole time my heart was breaking watching what she was going through. In the end the conclusion on how she gets help and recovers spans a big part of the book and it was a very good part. This book was incredible, amazing, lovely, beautiful, heartbreaking. It’s so amazed and I feel like everyone should read this book just to learn what it’s like with an Ed and to spread awareness.
Take the book “Wintergirls” by Laurie Halse Anderson. It’s fictional but obviously it’s a real life problem that effect’s people. But knowing it’s fiction is different than knowing if a book is real, somehow you connect to it more if it’s real. Now don’t get me wrong, that book is great, I just liked how I can connect more to the people of this book.
Eating disorders are hard and watching this girl go though one for such a long time is hard too. She refuses to be treated, doesn’t believe she even has and Ed and says she doesn’t need to be treated. You watch as her parents struggle to help her. You watch as she goes through her own struggles, you’ll have to find out in the book. When memories finally unlock and the cause or her Ed is revealed your heart breaks for her.
The whole time my heart was breaking watching what she was going through. In the end the conclusion on how she gets help and recovers spans a big part of the book and it was a very good part. This book was incredible, amazing, lovely, beautiful, heartbreaking. It’s so amazed and I feel like everyone should read this book just to learn what it’s like with an Ed and to spread awareness.
dnf
June 2, 2020haha tw
ok maybe i’m just (nOt iN thE riGhT hEaDspAce) to actually finish an ed book but this one just. is not sitting right. i don’t want to comment on the factually of a memoir because clearly everyones experiences can be different but this just sounded So Fake. like a group of people don’t clap when someone leaves after a 72. you don’t leave an ed kid already in treatment during a meal muLtiple different times. i’m sorry but this reads like someone trying really hard to make sure the reader know they’re sick even though they aLReady kNow aNd unDErStANd. (also elena is So So fucking fat phobic when 99% of (anas) are Not like that anymore). rant over lmaoo
ok maybe i’m just (nOt iN thE riGhT hEaDspAce) to actually finish an ed book but this one just. is not sitting right. i don’t want to comment on the factually of a memoir because clearly everyones experiences can be different but this just sounded So Fake. like a group of people don’t clap when someone leaves after a 72. you don’t leave an ed kid already in treatment during a meal muLtiple different times. i’m sorry but this reads like someone trying really hard to make sure the reader know they’re sick even though they aLReady kNow aNd unDErStANd. (also elena is So So fucking fat phobic when 99% of (anas) are Not like that anymore). rant over lmaoo
June 6, 2022
Memoirs honestly aren’t really my favorite, but I wanted to read this book because a student recommended it. I’m glad I read it. I feel so much more aware of what life with a condition like Anorexia is like & how completely all consuming the thoughts and feelings are for those who suffer. I hope that if I encounter anyone with an ED, I now have enough background to sympathize and not judge. Everyone is truly fighting a battle you know nothing about.
September 14, 2020
I read this book because someone close to me is currently in treatment for anorexia, and I was told that Elena's experiences as portrayed in this book match well with her experience.
This book helped me to get an inkling of insight into the mind of someone fighting anorexia. The anorexic state of mind is foreign to my natural thinking because, like many people, I like food. Elena exhibits a mental state in which food is seen as a frightening threat to her well being. This fear of food is so strong that it overcomes the natural survival instinct to eat, and many anorexics slowly starve to death. I really felt that this book did the best job it could at helping me get inside that state of mind. Though, I cannot truly empathize because I still do, and always have, really liked food.
This book helped me to get an inkling of insight into the mind of someone fighting anorexia. The anorexic state of mind is foreign to my natural thinking because, like many people, I like food. Elena exhibits a mental state in which food is seen as a frightening threat to her well being. This fear of food is so strong that it overcomes the natural survival instinct to eat, and many anorexics slowly starve to death. I really felt that this book did the best job it could at helping me get inside that state of mind. Though, I cannot truly empathize because I still do, and always have, really liked food.
August 21, 2015
In a perfect world, I would have read Elena Vanishing back-to-back with Hope and Other Luxuries. Because this isn't a perfect world (and my holds at the library were filled a week or two apart), I read this one first and didn't get to compare them directly.
It makes for an interesting comparison, though, reading Elena Dunkle's story and also her mother's version of events. Clare Dunkle had a significant hand in this book as well. Says Elena:
The voice is distinct from that in Hope and Other Luxuries, but I admit that I struggled with this definition of co-writing, perhaps unfairly. The skills of an experienced writer make it a tighter, cleaner read, I'm sure, and the 'adult's hand' in other books hasn't bothered me...so I think my reaction is just a knee-jerk (and again, probably unfair) sense of a child asking a parent to do her homework for her.
In any case, the book itself...there's a good sense of what life is like inside an eating disorder, and inside Elena Dunkle's head at the time. It's a much tighter, more directed narrative than Hope, covering a shorter time period and fewer tangentially related topics. I did have a hard time connecting with the voice here—perhaps because the story is located so firmly in the time period when E was ill, I found it difficult to separate the more nuanced adult perspective from the insecure teenager. There's that sort of 'I can do it all, and better than you, so don't you forget it' sense. It's laudable in the sense that memoir writers don't always let the reader see that—the not-always-pretty interior of their younger selves—but also not entirely likable. I couldn't decide how much of it was younger E being a bit full of it (intentionally shown that way) and how much of it was present-day E still trying to impress the reader (working three jobs, getting ready to take care of the poor little homesick first-years, etc.). I wish I'd gotten a better sense of Valerie, considering how much time younger E spent feeling superior for her choices. There's definitely some competition there (though perhaps only felt by one sister!)...both to be 'better' (better grades, better prospects) and 'worse' (sicker, more deserving of attention).
At one point (102–103) there's an essay that E wrote for AP English. I hated its inclusion—I think it's supposed to be raw and emotional, but it reads to me more as overdramatic and angsty, more appropriate for a journal than for an academic assignment—but it makes a lot more sense to me in the context of C doing a lot of the writing: the essay would have been source material for C, and it shows E's state of mind.
So it's interesting. I'm not sure Elena Vanishing adds a tremendous amount to the genre on its own, but I think there's a more-than-the-sum-of-its-parts argument to be made here—the combination of this plus Hope and Other Luxuries is more valuable than the two taken as individual works.
My review for Hope and Other Luxuries can be found here.
It makes for an interesting comparison, though, reading Elena Dunkle's story and also her mother's version of events. Clare Dunkle had a significant hand in this book as well. Says Elena:
But I couldn't write this book on my own. Saying the words, describing details, remembering snippets, answering questions, even writing paragraphs...okay. But the thought of sitting in front of the keyboard for the entirety of the book from beginning to end, watching the words march onto the computer screen at a painfully slow, steady pace, immortalizing my indiscretions, failures, vulnerabilities, self-hatred, fears, and destruction in a series of cold, neutral Word documents--it would have been impossible. (287)
My mother allowed me to tell my story to her sporadically, skipping to different moments when things got too painful. I jumped around in my paragraphs and interviews, avoiding full descriptions, revealing key information in pieces, sometimes weeks or months apart. I could share a memory, and then, as soon as the words had tumbled from my mouth, I could seal it back into my vault. She had to reread and rewrite the most painful parts of our lives for hours and hours and hours, down to the italics and exclamation points. (288)
The voice is distinct from that in Hope and Other Luxuries, but I admit that I struggled with this definition of co-writing, perhaps unfairly. The skills of an experienced writer make it a tighter, cleaner read, I'm sure, and the 'adult's hand' in other books hasn't bothered me...so I think my reaction is just a knee-jerk (and again, probably unfair) sense of a child asking a parent to do her homework for her.
In any case, the book itself...there's a good sense of what life is like inside an eating disorder, and inside Elena Dunkle's head at the time. It's a much tighter, more directed narrative than Hope, covering a shorter time period and fewer tangentially related topics. I did have a hard time connecting with the voice here—perhaps because the story is located so firmly in the time period when E was ill, I found it difficult to separate the more nuanced adult perspective from the insecure teenager. There's that sort of 'I can do it all, and better than you, so don't you forget it' sense. It's laudable in the sense that memoir writers don't always let the reader see that—the not-always-pretty interior of their younger selves—but also not entirely likable. I couldn't decide how much of it was younger E being a bit full of it (intentionally shown that way) and how much of it was present-day E still trying to impress the reader (working three jobs, getting ready to take care of the poor little homesick first-years, etc.). I wish I'd gotten a better sense of Valerie, considering how much time younger E spent feeling superior for her choices. There's definitely some competition there (though perhaps only felt by one sister!)...both to be 'better' (better grades, better prospects) and 'worse' (sicker, more deserving of attention).
At one point (102–103) there's an essay that E wrote for AP English. I hated its inclusion—I think it's supposed to be raw and emotional, but it reads to me more as overdramatic and angsty, more appropriate for a journal than for an academic assignment—but it makes a lot more sense to me in the context of C doing a lot of the writing: the essay would have been source material for C, and it shows E's state of mind.
So it's interesting. I'm not sure Elena Vanishing adds a tremendous amount to the genre on its own, but I think there's a more-than-the-sum-of-its-parts argument to be made here—the combination of this plus Hope and Other Luxuries is more valuable than the two taken as individual works.
My review for Hope and Other Luxuries can be found here.
November 20, 2016
I didn't love this book, but it has successfully built up my confidence with reading nonfiction books. *cheers* I think I'm beginning to understand what's cool about nonfiction books. they're real, true, and honest. as much as I hate to say it, fiction is only as real as our imaginations. though I'm proud that I challenged myself by reading this book, I wish that I would have liked it more. I didn't care for the overall voice of the story, and how so much of it revolved around hospitals. but that's expected. while reading it, I felt dejected. I had so much hope for this book and it let me down. but now that I can say I read it, I feel relieved. I think I struggled with this book because I've read a similar book by Laurie Halse Anderson in the past that I liked better. as horrible as it sounds, I found "Elena Vanishing" to be repetitive and unoriginal in comparison. which is impossible because this is nonfiction, while the other isn't. I think I need a topic change. I'm discovering that there are certain topics I can only read about once, and I think anorexia is one of those things.
July 22, 2015
This is a super-horrifying look at what it's really like to live with Anorexia. Elena's inner-critic is relentless and terrible. The best part about this book is how real it is. There's no sugar-coating and no silver linings - it's just a horrible disorder creating awful situations and experiences. There is hope in the end for Elena, but she meets several people along the way whose eating disorders end up being fatal. As you ride along with Elena, you can see how she would come across if you didn't understand her experiences, and you can see where her anger comes from. It's truly heartbreaking. I'm glad she has learned to push back at that little voice in her head and start to really live her life, and I hope her story can show others with eating disorders that it's not hopeless even when it seems like it is AND help everyone else understand what they're going through.
September 22, 2017
A good, but not great book about a young woman's struggle with anorexia, what Elena Vanishing does very well is show how trauma and rape can change someone's world to its core, and the course if a life in general. In many ways, Elena's story is extremely textbook- perfectionist, from a dysfunctional and wealthy family, obsessive compulsive, a traumatic rape survivor, a girl who attends a boarding school where she is surrounded by other girls with eating disorders, manipulative, and more than once I found myself thinking as I read, "why wouldn't she develop some sort of neuroses or disorder? Her life is almost a cliche," which is the crux if what makes this book good but not great. As a reader I felt sympathetic towards the writer, but it very much seemed as though this story has been told before. On the upside, her voice is authwntuc and the writing is solid. 3 stars.
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April 28, 2023*DNF*
As an eating disorder survivor, I found this book to be extremely triggering. While I understand that it is a memoir, it was too specific and basically came off as a manual for how to be anorexic. The language was also incredibly fatphobic, and Elena was shallow, unrelatable, and unlikeable. I honestly couldn't bring myself to care about her. I'm sorry to say I couldn't force myself to power through this one - it was just dreadful. If you are looking for a good book about eating disorders, try The Girls at 17 Swann Street. The writing is beautiful, and the eating disorder treatment center was almost identical to what I experienced during my various times in intensive treatment. I rarely am insulted by books as I try to empathize with all viewpoints, but I can honestly say that Elena Vanishing was insulting and damaging - and I didn't even finish it.
As an eating disorder survivor, I found this book to be extremely triggering. While I understand that it is a memoir, it was too specific and basically came off as a manual for how to be anorexic. The language was also incredibly fatphobic, and Elena was shallow, unrelatable, and unlikeable. I honestly couldn't bring myself to care about her. I'm sorry to say I couldn't force myself to power through this one - it was just dreadful. If you are looking for a good book about eating disorders, try The Girls at 17 Swann Street. The writing is beautiful, and the eating disorder treatment center was almost identical to what I experienced during my various times in intensive treatment. I rarely am insulted by books as I try to empathize with all viewpoints, but I can honestly say that Elena Vanishing was insulting and damaging - and I didn't even finish it.
April 28, 2017
I like when books like this are told from the perspective of the person as they're suffering, not looking back. But it felt like a lot of this was too clinical and not in the author's own words, so I wasn't surprised to see her mom -- an authors -- basically wrote it for her which is weird. It's not super distracting but there are definitely moments that don't sound like they're genuine. That, and the book didn't really have a beginning...you're kind of tossed into things and while it's not really hard to catch up, ait takes a minute to get into her frame of mind.
June 28, 2016
Maybe would have given it more stars if I would have read it all in one day. Too much jumping around, not knowing what was going on due to no breaks in the book to signify new thought processes.
I like how the author italicized her negative inner thoughts to show obsessive, intrusive self hatred, but at times got too extensive. I wish there was more about her return from Rock bottom and what types of therapies and treatments she got as opposed to just her life with anorexia.
I like how the author italicized her negative inner thoughts to show obsessive, intrusive self hatred, but at times got too extensive. I wish there was more about her return from Rock bottom and what types of therapies and treatments she got as opposed to just her life with anorexia.
March 31, 2016
Just had a hard time getting into this one - her story was told in really choppy bits, and she is a very unlikable narrator. I appreciated her insights at the end of the book, but I wish more time had been spent on some of this to really show some evolution and change.
October 22, 2018
Sigh. Replace review that has vanished.
March 29, 2020
This woman is so strong and brave for sharing her story. I loved every heartwrenching moment of Elena's journey. I felt like I was a part of. I strongly recommend this book.
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