What do you think?
Rate this book
You're a Vampire - That Sucks!: A Survival Guide
Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn’t the glitz and glamor that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker—tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewelry, and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go. As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, “Count" Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101—such as hunting, feeding, and getting used to your new powers—to Vampire Graduate Studies—such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy, and the universal Laws of the Vampire.This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout.
- GenresFantasyHumorParanormal
162 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 13, 2015
4 people are currently reading
371 people want to read
About the author
Domenick Dicce
2 books11 followers“Count” Domenick Dicce is a writer, actor, and all-around creator of fun. He lives in California, and this is his first book.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
November 27, 2023
A humorous take on a rule book for newly-turned vampires, with a fun look at vampire legends old and new, the logistics of being a vampire, and other tidbits of advice for the newly-damned.
January 31, 2022
As I eagerly await for a release tomorrow I decided to pick up a short read for today! I ended up with You’re a Vampire: That Sucks by “Count” Domenick Dicce and this was just the kind of entertaining read I had hoped it was!
This is basically the guide you want to read if you find yourself turned into a vampire and have no helpful mentor to guide you. The writing itself is very “how-to” like which made it all the more entertaining.
There was even the occasional helpful diagram that contributed to a paragraph in giving visual aid, such as where the “good” veins can be found on the human body.
The book pointed out what myths about vampires Hollywood and fiction created and which attributes are actually correct. It’s amazing to know what things I thought were fictional and what I thought was true were both wrong! That this guide was written by a vampire himself gave you the comfort in his knowledge!
But seriously folks, this book was very entertaining! If you’re a fan of the vampire legend this is a book you will want to read…and most assuredly keep, just in case!
Overall Rating 5/5 stars
This is basically the guide you want to read if you find yourself turned into a vampire and have no helpful mentor to guide you. The writing itself is very “how-to” like which made it all the more entertaining.
There was even the occasional helpful diagram that contributed to a paragraph in giving visual aid, such as where the “good” veins can be found on the human body.
The book pointed out what myths about vampires Hollywood and fiction created and which attributes are actually correct. It’s amazing to know what things I thought were fictional and what I thought was true were both wrong! That this guide was written by a vampire himself gave you the comfort in his knowledge!
But seriously folks, this book was very entertaining! If you’re a fan of the vampire legend this is a book you will want to read…and most assuredly keep, just in case!
Overall Rating 5/5 stars
October 22, 2017
It with the utmost gratitude to the author Mr. Dicce, that I finally found a book that could help my poor brother. He thought he had mono, turned out he's actually a vampire. Thanks to this handy survival guide, he's now very clear on the actions he must take to successfully continue life as a blood-sucking fiend of the night. You're a Vampire: That Sucks! is a comprehensive guide for anyone who thinks they may have been turned into a vampire and needs to learn the ropes, and fast. Everything from food selection, special abilities, misconceptions, and fang care, to where to sleep, victims to avoid, hiding bodies, and the hallowed Laws of the Vampire! I highly recommend this informative and entertaining read to the recently bitten and also for those humans who want to avoid becoming food.
April 3, 2022
Short, funny read
August 10, 2020
A humorous and creative way to explore vampire mythology through the ages.
December 31, 2015
So . . . I expect any day now to be turned into a vampire. Why else would I have this book? If you're recently one of the undead, or soon to be undead, you might want to check out this book: You're a Vampire: That Sucks! by Count Domenick Dicce.
Why would I need a book to tell me how to be a vampire, you might ask yourself. After all, if you're like me, you've been watching movies and reading books--Buffy, Interview With A Vampire, Twilight, Trueblood, Black Dagger Brotherhood--about vampires for years. Surely you'd have vampirism down by now. But there is a lot of misinformation out there and you don't want your undead years to be shorter than you living years.
That's why this book is so great. Dicce sorts urban legend from fact. In this book you'll learn things such as:
Feeding
Hunting
Weaknesses
Powers (Yes, you have powers!)
How to pick the perfect coffin
How to manage your money to last you a long, long time
How to make friends and not kill them
Why familiars are necessary
How to turn someone else into a vampire
Vampire laws: Why you should follow them
This is the perfect gift for the newly turned vampire in your life. Dicce approaches the heavy topic with humor and grace. It will make your transition into this new phase of life much easier. And hey, if I accidentally run into you, and mistakenly eat you for dinner, no hard feelings, right?
Read more at http://www.toreadornottoread.net/2015...
Why would I need a book to tell me how to be a vampire, you might ask yourself. After all, if you're like me, you've been watching movies and reading books--Buffy, Interview With A Vampire, Twilight, Trueblood, Black Dagger Brotherhood--about vampires for years. Surely you'd have vampirism down by now. But there is a lot of misinformation out there and you don't want your undead years to be shorter than you living years.
That's why this book is so great. Dicce sorts urban legend from fact. In this book you'll learn things such as:
Feeding
Hunting
Weaknesses
Powers (Yes, you have powers!)
How to pick the perfect coffin
How to manage your money to last you a long, long time
How to make friends and not kill them
Why familiars are necessary
How to turn someone else into a vampire
Vampire laws: Why you should follow them
This is the perfect gift for the newly turned vampire in your life. Dicce approaches the heavy topic with humor and grace. It will make your transition into this new phase of life much easier. And hey, if I accidentally run into you, and mistakenly eat you for dinner, no hard feelings, right?
Read more at http://www.toreadornottoread.net/2015...
February 22, 2016
Domenick Dicce has the ability to weave humor into real life issues for Vampire kind very well. This book is a must have for all fledgling kindred! Not only is the truth of what he writes so well expressed but the humor it is delivered with takes some of the pressure off all the rules and regulations to being a model Vampire citizen.
Having been friends with many Vampire's during my 40+ years on this earth, I can tell you that what he writes about in this book is very true... and should not be taken lightly...
Did I mention that this book was actually a work of non-fiction? ;)
I will actively seek more of Domenick's works and I sincerely hope that he someday finds a willing participant that will help him write a book similar to this for Werewolf kind. We... ahem... they sorely need one.
Having been friends with many Vampire's during my 40+ years on this earth, I can tell you that what he writes about in this book is very true... and should not be taken lightly...
Did I mention that this book was actually a work of non-fiction? ;)
I will actively seek more of Domenick's works and I sincerely hope that he someday finds a willing participant that will help him write a book similar to this for Werewolf kind. We... ahem... they sorely need one.
October 13, 2015
If I ever become a vampire, I know exactly what to do.
This guide had everything you wanted to know about being one and how to survive. What to do and what to avoid.
I had a good time reading it.
It was a short book and it won't take you more than a few of hours to finish it.
3/5 Fangs
A complimentary copy was provided by the publisher via netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
MrsLeif's Two Fangs About It | Facebook | Twitter
This guide had everything you wanted to know about being one and how to survive. What to do and what to avoid.
I had a good time reading it.
It was a short book and it won't take you more than a few of hours to finish it.
3/5 Fangs
A complimentary copy was provided by the publisher via netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
MrsLeif's Two Fangs About It | Facebook | Twitter
October 28, 2015
With Halloween fast approaching, run, don’t walk to your nearest bookseller and grab a copy of “Count” Dicce’s thoroughly entertaining, tongue-in-cheek vampire survival guide. Unlike other survival guides which are geared toward ensuring humans make it through zombie attacks or worse, “Count” Dicce wants to ease the newly turned into their “life” as a vampire. Beginning with the vampire food pyramid, proper feeding techniques, vampire strengths and weaknesses, the guide goes on to explore how to avoid being staked, making a “living” and so much more. Told in the first person, the “Count” will leave you not only well informed but likely dealing with the side effects of laughter, enjoy.
Read
January 22, 2018me he reído muchísimo con este libro!! muy bueno para matar el tiempo!!! es divertidisimo!
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews