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Real Vampires #1
Real Vampires Have Curves
Plus-sized vampire Glory St. Claire has a new business venture and an old, on-off boyfriend. Blade wants to protect her from the techno-freak vampire hunter stalking the streets of Austin, but it's time for Glory to explore her own powers.
336 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published March 6, 2007
109 people are currently reading
6406 people want to read
About the author
Gerry Bartlett
32 books920 followersGerry Bartlett figures that vampires are pretty much like everyone else except for the liquid diet.
Eternity or Mexican food? Tough call.
Gerry’s a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston. Pictured with her is her late wonder dog, a Bedlington Terrier named Belle.
When she started writing, she was still teaching and used the pseudonym Lynn McKay. You can probably still find her historical and two romantic suspense books for a penny on-line. Now that she’s no longer in the classroom and discovered the fun of writing about vampires, she uses her real name. Too bad some people think Gerry is a boy's name or short for Geraldine. No, it's not. Really.
She's still writing her Real Vampires series but is back to romantic suspense and contemporaries. Her Texas Heat series starts in Houston, her home town. Then there's her Lone Star Suspense series set in Austin where she went to the University of Texas. She loves the hill country there and brought some of her favorite characters from the Texas Heat series to Austin for the fast-paced suspense in the three books in that series.
You can check out Gerry’s website at gerrybartlett.com to find her blog and articles for writers. Her Perils of Publishing gives the scoop on what happens once "the call" comes. Oh, did you think it would be all roses and champagne? Well, of course it is.
When Gerry's not writing, she's treasure hunting for her antiques business in Alvin. Her favorite finds? Vintage purses and jewelry. It's a struggle not to keep it all. Be sure to sign up for her newsletter for the latest info about her books at http://ymlp.com/xgeyeewwgmgw
Eternity or Mexican food? Tough call.
Gerry’s a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston. Pictured with her is her late wonder dog, a Bedlington Terrier named Belle.
When she started writing, she was still teaching and used the pseudonym Lynn McKay. You can probably still find her historical and two romantic suspense books for a penny on-line. Now that she’s no longer in the classroom and discovered the fun of writing about vampires, she uses her real name. Too bad some people think Gerry is a boy's name or short for Geraldine. No, it's not. Really.
She's still writing her Real Vampires series but is back to romantic suspense and contemporaries. Her Texas Heat series starts in Houston, her home town. Then there's her Lone Star Suspense series set in Austin where she went to the University of Texas. She loves the hill country there and brought some of her favorite characters from the Texas Heat series to Austin for the fast-paced suspense in the three books in that series.
You can check out Gerry’s website at gerrybartlett.com to find her blog and articles for writers. Her Perils of Publishing gives the scoop on what happens once "the call" comes. Oh, did you think it would be all roses and champagne? Well, of course it is.
When Gerry's not writing, she's treasure hunting for her antiques business in Alvin. Her favorite finds? Vintage purses and jewelry. It's a struggle not to keep it all. Be sure to sign up for her newsletter for the latest info about her books at http://ymlp.com/xgeyeewwgmgw
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 351 reviews
July 3, 2008
This was an amazingly uneven book. It was okay, I guess. Some of the characters were cute, and the author made a valiant attempt at a "sassy" voice for her main character, but all in all it was just uneven. And kind of sloppy.
The mind-reading schtick was cute for a couple pages, then it just started to look like sloppy writing. The book's written in first person POV, and throughout the book, other characters would comment on the POV narration because they were reading her mind. After a while, when every supernatural character could read Glory's mind (including a talking dog and a were-cat), it stopped being a cute schtick and became the author's lazy way of not having to write a lot of dialogue.
About half of the character could have been cut to make the book tighter. There were a LOT of people wandering through this book for no real reason, and keeping track of them all, in case I'd need to remember them later, got annoying.
But not as annoying as Glory herself. Man. The title implies a plus-size vampire, but we hear her say she was "bloated" the day she was made a vampire. That's not at all the same thing. She's got an on again, off again relationship with her guy - so confused, that she has a night of great sex with him and the next day bemoans her crappy love life.
I realized I was done with this book when she remembered having sex with her man for the first time in her dressing room at the Globe Theatre. Her. Dressing. Room. Yeah. Which probably had a shower in it too. There were no private dressing rooms in the Globe - I found this out in thirty seconds on Google. I know this is a minor detail, but it's enough to make me realize the author is lazy and doesn't care enough about her own story to get things even remotely right.
The mind-reading schtick was cute for a couple pages, then it just started to look like sloppy writing. The book's written in first person POV, and throughout the book, other characters would comment on the POV narration because they were reading her mind. After a while, when every supernatural character could read Glory's mind (including a talking dog and a were-cat), it stopped being a cute schtick and became the author's lazy way of not having to write a lot of dialogue.
About half of the character could have been cut to make the book tighter. There were a LOT of people wandering through this book for no real reason, and keeping track of them all, in case I'd need to remember them later, got annoying.
But not as annoying as Glory herself. Man. The title implies a plus-size vampire, but we hear her say she was "bloated" the day she was made a vampire. That's not at all the same thing. She's got an on again, off again relationship with her guy - so confused, that she has a night of great sex with him and the next day bemoans her crappy love life.
I realized I was done with this book when she remembered having sex with her man for the first time in her dressing room at the Globe Theatre. Her. Dressing. Room. Yeah. Which probably had a shower in it too. There were no private dressing rooms in the Globe - I found this out in thirty seconds on Google. I know this is a minor detail, but it's enough to make me realize the author is lazy and doesn't care enough about her own story to get things even remotely right.
March 5, 2011
You know all the novels about the stick thin supermodel type vampires? Well, Glory St. Clair isn’t one of those. She’s got those curves and she knows how to use them. In the first installment in this refreshing series about a curvy vampire, Glory has decided to uproot and take charge of her life - taking that hourglass shape of hers to Austin, Texas. Why Austin, you ask? With being alive for centuries, you tend to accumulate a lot of great stuff over the years so Glory is opening her own little vintage clothing boutique called Vintage Vamps Emporium. It’s clever, to hide in plain sight for everyone to see.
This is all to the dismay of her on and off again Scottish highlander beau, Jeremy Blade, who wants her close to keep her safe under his protection. Especially since there’s a ruthless vampire hunter on the loose that is collecting the fangs of her friends. But you didn’t think she would actually listen to him, did you? Of course not, she’s all about being an independent woman, having her own brain and thinking for herself. Since Glory’s plans are so obviously set in stone, Blade has made arrangements for a protector to accompany her on the trip to stay with her just in case she gets into any hot water. The protector goes by the name Valdez, a male shifter who has strict orders to stay in cute labradoodle dog form. We’ll see if the vampire hunter can stake this vamp.
Glory St. Clair has so much potential to be a great role model for the plus size women of the world. I loved that there was a book out there about a woman vampire with a thick shape, boobs and a backside. I just wished that she would have owned those curves and been more confident in herself and her body. Overall I really liked this book, it’s a fun and light read that had me turning the pages. The characters were really fun and I enjoyed every one of them and the relationships that they had with each other. A strong woman, a sarcastic pooch, a tough boyfriend, and the flirty Italian best friend with a Casanova brother. What more can you want?
Next book is Real Vampires Live Large.
This is all to the dismay of her on and off again Scottish highlander beau, Jeremy Blade, who wants her close to keep her safe under his protection. Especially since there’s a ruthless vampire hunter on the loose that is collecting the fangs of her friends. But you didn’t think she would actually listen to him, did you? Of course not, she’s all about being an independent woman, having her own brain and thinking for herself. Since Glory’s plans are so obviously set in stone, Blade has made arrangements for a protector to accompany her on the trip to stay with her just in case she gets into any hot water. The protector goes by the name Valdez, a male shifter who has strict orders to stay in cute labradoodle dog form. We’ll see if the vampire hunter can stake this vamp.
Glory St. Clair has so much potential to be a great role model for the plus size women of the world. I loved that there was a book out there about a woman vampire with a thick shape, boobs and a backside. I just wished that she would have owned those curves and been more confident in herself and her body. Overall I really liked this book, it’s a fun and light read that had me turning the pages. The characters were really fun and I enjoyed every one of them and the relationships that they had with each other. A strong woman, a sarcastic pooch, a tough boyfriend, and the flirty Italian best friend with a Casanova brother. What more can you want?
Next book is Real Vampires Live Large.
October 19, 2011
Chick-lit at its worst! I bought this because I liked the cover and title and hoped for a Queen Betsy type read. Nope, no such luck. Glory is a pain in the butt who whines on constantly about her weight, moans about having the boyfriend who adores and protects her and is of course obsessed with fashion and describing everything she sees. Yawn. The talking dog was the only thing that got me through the first few chapters and by then I couldn't bring myself to care about anyone else introduced in the book. The writing was poor and repetitive-I mean how many times do we have to know that others are reading her mind and that she can't do it? Strong independent woman my arse, this vampire is a complete bimbo who deserves to be staked! Ugh, what a waste of time!
July 13, 2022
The setting is an informal, fairly congenial vampire community (plus Lacy the werecat) in Austin, Texas. Most of them are likable characters, which is a good thing because a huge proportion of this novel's hundred thousand or so words is occupied with their everyday doings. I kept waiting for something to happen, and something occasionally did happen, mostly in spoiler territory.
Our first-person narrator, Gloriana "Glory" St. Clair, has just driven from Las Vegas to Austin to start up a business called Vintage Vamps Emporium, trading on the double meaning of "vamp" to communicate with mortals and vampires alike. She reminds us several hundred times (I think) that she has curves, because back around 1600 in London when she was turned into a vampire, she happened to be bloating. No, I didn't follow that either, so I just imagined her with a generous figure all along, combined with a crippling jealousy of slimmer women--but oddly, calm acceptance of what a major target of male desire she is.
Maybe she's just oversensitive to Mean Girls, one of whom, named Mara, has her elegant fingernails into Glory's sire and on-again-off-again lover across the centuries. His name is Jeremy Blade and we're told Glory calls him Jerry whenever she can because he hates the nickname. For a sixteenth-century Scot now running a casino in Louisiana, Blade has developed remarkably as a person into modern times, with what feels like a sincere commitment to protect Glory whether they're together or with other lovers.
Near the beginning we find out that the Austin vamps are being threatened by a "billionaire technofreak vampire hunter" named Brent Westwood and his group, who have already killed Jerry's best friend, whom Glory loved like a brother. A nice reversal--vampires good, some humans bad. Details come out during the course of the book, but you should expect another deadly attack or two before the climactic scenes finally get started. And in spite of Westwood's efforts, one or more of the "true deaths" will pose a mystery for our friends to solve.
As you can imagine, Glory doesn't take too well to the domineering side of Blade's protectiveness, but she's grateful for it whenever she's in danger. Glory's many contradictory feelings are expressed far too often for me to count, but one focus for them is her constant companion, a dog named Valdez, who communicates telepathically with her at great length and reports telepathically to Blade at any distance. Blade's canine agent is the 127th that he's given her, all named Valdez.
Valdez was my favorite character, with an interesting will of his own given his obedience to his boss, and he certainly helps to keep Glory's serious gambling addiction from taking over in Austin as it did in Las Vegas.
Apparently all the other Austin vamps, and even Lacy the werecat, can read Glory's mind, but that's a vamp power she doesn't have. Embarrassment is quite frequent and sometimes humorous, at Glory's expense of course. Glory's strongly attracted to Damian Sabatini, her wealthy landlord and Austin's number one vamp, whose toxic masculinity fits nicely into Glory's attitude of being "down on men" in general, especially after he uses mind control to do something reprehensible to her. His sister Flo, though, is very supportive to Glory.
One niggling detail: Flo's fresh from Italy and her English isn't perfect yet, but her usual exclamation is Dios mio!. That's Spanish, of course. So if a friendly editor could just condense all the everyday trivia by maybe thirty thousand words--and put Flo's exclamations back into Italian--I think you might get a fairly entertaining tale about centuries-old vampires overcoming attacks by evil vampire hunters who survive into the sequel.
Our first-person narrator, Gloriana "Glory" St. Clair, has just driven from Las Vegas to Austin to start up a business called Vintage Vamps Emporium, trading on the double meaning of "vamp" to communicate with mortals and vampires alike. She reminds us several hundred times (I think) that she has curves, because back around 1600 in London when she was turned into a vampire, she happened to be bloating. No, I didn't follow that either, so I just imagined her with a generous figure all along, combined with a crippling jealousy of slimmer women--but oddly, calm acceptance of what a major target of male desire she is.
Maybe she's just oversensitive to Mean Girls, one of whom, named Mara, has her elegant fingernails into Glory's sire and on-again-off-again lover across the centuries. His name is Jeremy Blade and we're told Glory calls him Jerry whenever she can because he hates the nickname. For a sixteenth-century Scot now running a casino in Louisiana, Blade has developed remarkably as a person into modern times, with what feels like a sincere commitment to protect Glory whether they're together or with other lovers.
Near the beginning we find out that the Austin vamps are being threatened by a "billionaire technofreak vampire hunter" named Brent Westwood and his group, who have already killed Jerry's best friend, whom Glory loved like a brother. A nice reversal--vampires good, some humans bad. Details come out during the course of the book, but you should expect another deadly attack or two before the climactic scenes finally get started. And in spite of Westwood's efforts, one or more of the "true deaths" will pose a mystery for our friends to solve.
As you can imagine, Glory doesn't take too well to the domineering side of Blade's protectiveness, but she's grateful for it whenever she's in danger. Glory's many contradictory feelings are expressed far too often for me to count, but one focus for them is her constant companion, a dog named Valdez, who communicates telepathically with her at great length and reports telepathically to Blade at any distance. Blade's canine agent is the 127th that he's given her, all named Valdez.
Valdez was my favorite character, with an interesting will of his own given his obedience to his boss, and he certainly helps to keep Glory's serious gambling addiction from taking over in Austin as it did in Las Vegas.
Apparently all the other Austin vamps, and even Lacy the werecat, can read Glory's mind, but that's a vamp power she doesn't have. Embarrassment is quite frequent and sometimes humorous, at Glory's expense of course. Glory's strongly attracted to Damian Sabatini, her wealthy landlord and Austin's number one vamp, whose toxic masculinity fits nicely into Glory's attitude of being "down on men" in general, especially after he uses mind control to do something reprehensible to her. His sister Flo, though, is very supportive to Glory.
One niggling detail: Flo's fresh from Italy and her English isn't perfect yet, but her usual exclamation is Dios mio!. That's Spanish, of course. So if a friendly editor could just condense all the everyday trivia by maybe thirty thousand words--and put Flo's exclamations back into Italian--I think you might get a fairly entertaining tale about centuries-old vampires overcoming attacks by evil vampire hunters who survive into the sequel.
January 6, 2016
The title and the cover of this book made me expect a funny paranormal chick-lit but overall what I got was a silly story with awful details, specially Damian.
Real Vampires Have Curves starts really well with Glory, our heroine in this first person narrative, laying out the facts of a vampire's life. She does a fast summary of her five hundred years in a way I could imagine a fast-talking woman who gives too much information per second superficially going through very determining facts. Very engaging.
Glory just moved into Austin and we get a hint of a mystery when she learns there's someone out there killing off vamps. She freaks out but continues with her project of opening an antique shop. Then we get into her routine and nothing interesting really happens. The mystery comes back in random facts while we follow Glory through cleaning, selling, sleeping, drinking her canned blood, talking to her friends and mostly gravitating between her two love interests.
The first guy is Jeremiah, the highlander who turned her and has been her on and off relationship for half millennium. She claims the relationship doesn't work because Jerry is chauvinist and treats her as an incompetent person. Through all the pages in the book I couldn't find a single evidence that that's really a fact. He's a guy who believes in protecting her and thinks he knows what's best, but every time she says no or states what she really wants, he gives it to her. Her whole feminist posture is forced and senseless. She lashes out at him, pushing him away every chance she gets and when he gives her the space she apparently needs so much, she gets depressed because he's not giving her attention. Personality disorder much?
The second is the biggest problem I got with this book. Damian is a ladies man, he's charming and takes seduction to a whole other level, according to Glory. The problem is I couldn't see it. He clearly wants Glory exclusively to irritate contender number one. He's cheesy, pushy and acts as if he's the last cold soda in the desert. Worse, he forces Glory twice during the book and she overlooks it. First he drinks her blood (an extremely intimate act according to this universe) without her permission and after she specifically told him not to. Second he uses mind control to make her believe they have sex and even under his control the whole event felt more like rape than anything else. How can I cheer for a guy who forces the heroine? Honestly, she lost several points with me for being OK with him after his stunt. For a self proclaimed feminist, she forgets and forgives too easily.
Overall Glory came off as insecure with her looks, completely clueless about what she wants and attempting to proclaim her almost non-existent "girl power" at the worse possible moments. What saved Glory for me is that, even though we don't really get a story to speak of, she grows through the book. She's mostly likable and finally gets over the "I don't want to be a vampire" thing embracing what she is, I'd say about time after five hundred years.
I don't know if I'll keep reading the series, it took me a long time to be able to finish this one (for its size I should have done it in two days, not five). Gerry Bartlett's characters and universe had great potential, but no plot and bad events with mild reactions ruined the experience for me.
Real Vampires Have Curves starts really well with Glory, our heroine in this first person narrative, laying out the facts of a vampire's life. She does a fast summary of her five hundred years in a way I could imagine a fast-talking woman who gives too much information per second superficially going through very determining facts. Very engaging.
Glory just moved into Austin and we get a hint of a mystery when she learns there's someone out there killing off vamps. She freaks out but continues with her project of opening an antique shop. Then we get into her routine and nothing interesting really happens. The mystery comes back in random facts while we follow Glory through cleaning, selling, sleeping, drinking her canned blood, talking to her friends and mostly gravitating between her two love interests.
The first guy is Jeremiah, the highlander who turned her and has been her on and off relationship for half millennium. She claims the relationship doesn't work because Jerry is chauvinist and treats her as an incompetent person. Through all the pages in the book I couldn't find a single evidence that that's really a fact. He's a guy who believes in protecting her and thinks he knows what's best, but every time she says no or states what she really wants, he gives it to her. Her whole feminist posture is forced and senseless. She lashes out at him, pushing him away every chance she gets and when he gives her the space she apparently needs so much, she gets depressed because he's not giving her attention. Personality disorder much?
The second is the biggest problem I got with this book. Damian is a ladies man, he's charming and takes seduction to a whole other level, according to Glory. The problem is I couldn't see it. He clearly wants Glory exclusively to irritate contender number one. He's cheesy, pushy and acts as if he's the last cold soda in the desert. Worse, he forces Glory twice during the book and she overlooks it. First he drinks her blood (an extremely intimate act according to this universe) without her permission and after she specifically told him not to. Second he uses mind control to make her believe they have sex and even under his control the whole event felt more like rape than anything else. How can I cheer for a guy who forces the heroine? Honestly, she lost several points with me for being OK with him after his stunt. For a self proclaimed feminist, she forgets and forgives too easily.
Overall Glory came off as insecure with her looks, completely clueless about what she wants and attempting to proclaim her almost non-existent "girl power" at the worse possible moments. What saved Glory for me is that, even though we don't really get a story to speak of, she grows through the book. She's mostly likable and finally gets over the "I don't want to be a vampire" thing embracing what she is, I'd say about time after five hundred years.
I don't know if I'll keep reading the series, it took me a long time to be able to finish this one (for its size I should have done it in two days, not five). Gerry Bartlett's characters and universe had great potential, but no plot and bad events with mild reactions ruined the experience for me.
August 13, 2012
It took me an age to get through this book. I spebt a whole week dodging it. But finally buckled down to finish this.
It started out promising, but I didn't see a running plot apart from moving to Austin to open a vintage fashion shop, then it sneaked it, then walked out the back door only to reappear dozens of pages later. It was like the author was trying to focus on Glory's life rather than the storyline. It was way too long and could have done with editing things out, many scenes that didn't feel neccessary. Also found the chapters were long and I was getting bored and couldn't find a suitable break.
I found the romance/love interest(s) quite repetitive and lacking. Descriptions repeated until you wanted to claw your eyes out. Yes, we know his scottish accent turns you on. SHUT UP!! seriously after 300 years she couldn't make up her mind. If he looks at another woman she scowls and gets arsey but its alright for her to have whomever she fancies.
And Billy Shakespeare... Seriously.
I won't bother with any more of this series. I'll stick to MaryJanice Davidson's queen Betsey series, wittier, sexier, funnier, in fact better in every way.
It started out promising, but I didn't see a running plot apart from moving to Austin to open a vintage fashion shop, then it sneaked it, then walked out the back door only to reappear dozens of pages later. It was like the author was trying to focus on Glory's life rather than the storyline. It was way too long and could have done with editing things out, many scenes that didn't feel neccessary. Also found the chapters were long and I was getting bored and couldn't find a suitable break.
I found the romance/love interest(s) quite repetitive and lacking. Descriptions repeated until you wanted to claw your eyes out. Yes, we know his scottish accent turns you on. SHUT UP!! seriously after 300 years she couldn't make up her mind. If he looks at another woman she scowls and gets arsey but its alright for her to have whomever she fancies.
And Billy Shakespeare... Seriously.
I won't bother with any more of this series. I'll stick to MaryJanice Davidson's queen Betsey series, wittier, sexier, funnier, in fact better in every way.
June 22, 2016
Ya know, with a title like that I could not just leave this book sitting on the romance carousel at my library....! Reeeaaaddd Meeeeeee! I had to! It jumped right out into my book bag...! Turns out the title character happened to be a bit bloaty a bit when she was bit and changed to a vampire. Thanks, sexy Scotsman Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, also known as Jeremy Blade. I know that's my mortal weakness, I can't keep my paws off a sexy Scot (aaaah... that ACCENT! I go all WIBBLY!) and full figured Gloriana St. Clair has spent a few centuries pawing him. Not now though, as they tend to piss each other off regularly.
Glory wants to go to Austin, Texas, and start her new beloved venture: "Vintage Vamp's Emporium". She will be a natural as she absolutely loves clothes, and being a vamp has seen and loved all kinds. Blade's gone total Neanderthal man; wanting Glory to move in with him, so he can "protect" her from other dangerous vampires. But she is a vamp too and can do for herself so it's time for this vamp to explore her own vampy girl powers...!
A really great read and is a perfect paranormal paperback for summer!
Glory wants to go to Austin, Texas, and start her new beloved venture: "Vintage Vamp's Emporium". She will be a natural as she absolutely loves clothes, and being a vamp has seen and loved all kinds. Blade's gone total Neanderthal man; wanting Glory to move in with him, so he can "protect" her from other dangerous vampires. But she is a vamp too and can do for herself so it's time for this vamp to explore her own vampy girl powers...!
A really great read and is a perfect paranormal paperback for summer!
November 12, 2008
Glory St. Clair is a full-figured, independent vampire who doesn’t need or want any man thinking he’s her lord and master. Specifically, Blade. Blade is her on-again, off-again lover and vampire maker. He’s a Hot Scot and whether he’s dressed in Scottish plaid highlander gear or Cowboy snug-fitting jeans, Glory is drooling over him. If he weren’t so damn caring and chivalrous! Phhhft! says I. Oh, Glory, Glory, you and I both know who you’re meant to be with. But if you must play “mind games” with bad boy Damian while poor Blade suffers, I guess I can wait for a sequel or two until you are finally with your soul mate.
Yes, I’m sticking around for at least book 2 despite my low rating. You see, I liked the book but I can’t in good conscience give it 3 stars- the writing is not that great. This is why half stars should be an option—I’m talking to you, Goodreads!
I seem to have read a lot of books like this lately. The story would be decent if the writing wasn’t so god-awful bad. In no way am I claiming to be a Grammarian, but frequent grammar errors are jarring and interfere with my enjoyment of a book. Since this is written in first person you could excuse Glory’s usage of “shook up” as a colloquialism but when several other characters say they are “shook up” you realize that the author probably doesn’t know it should be “shaken up”. And where is the Editor?
There’s also some lazy writing that is cute the first time, but annoying the 12th time.
Glory’s voice is meant to be sassy but comes across as more whiny and insecure. She plays up being full-figured in a woe-is-me kind of way. Even though in her time being a bit “full-figured” meant you were able to afford food- it was indicative of what social class you were part of.
Her constant comparing herself to her thinner vampire friends seems like a rather modern insecurity and I would’ve liked an explanation as to why she is so preoccupied with her size. She is described as more curvy than fat so I didn’t really get what her problem was. She certainly got plenty of male attention.
I liked the idea of her mind-reading dog Valdez, bred by Blade to be the ultimate guard dog. But I wasn’t too fond of his voice; lines that were meant to be cute or funny were kind of flat. Poor Valdez just didn’t do it for me.
This book also employs one of my vampire novel pet peeves; these vampires have known some of the most famous figures in history. Glory knew good ol’ Billy Shakespeare and even had her own dressing room at The Globe. Another vampire slept with Picasso but dumped him because she didn’t like how he painted her. But she made it into The Last Supper because she was banging Leonardo da Vinci. Oh yeah, and her brother claims to be the actual Casanova. Really? So, because you’ve lived hundreds of years means you’ve met all of the most important historical figures? I hate that!
Yes, I’m sticking around for at least book 2 despite my low rating. You see, I liked the book but I can’t in good conscience give it 3 stars- the writing is not that great. This is why half stars should be an option—I’m talking to you, Goodreads!
I seem to have read a lot of books like this lately. The story would be decent if the writing wasn’t so god-awful bad. In no way am I claiming to be a Grammarian, but frequent grammar errors are jarring and interfere with my enjoyment of a book. Since this is written in first person you could excuse Glory’s usage of “shook up” as a colloquialism but when several other characters say they are “shook up” you realize that the author probably doesn’t know it should be “shaken up”. And where is the Editor?
There’s also some lazy writing that is cute the first time, but annoying the 12th time.
Glory’s voice is meant to be sassy but comes across as more whiny and insecure. She plays up being full-figured in a woe-is-me kind of way. Even though in her time being a bit “full-figured” meant you were able to afford food- it was indicative of what social class you were part of.
Her constant comparing herself to her thinner vampire friends seems like a rather modern insecurity and I would’ve liked an explanation as to why she is so preoccupied with her size. She is described as more curvy than fat so I didn’t really get what her problem was. She certainly got plenty of male attention.
I liked the idea of her mind-reading dog Valdez, bred by Blade to be the ultimate guard dog. But I wasn’t too fond of his voice; lines that were meant to be cute or funny were kind of flat. Poor Valdez just didn’t do it for me.
This book also employs one of my vampire novel pet peeves; these vampires have known some of the most famous figures in history. Glory knew good ol’ Billy Shakespeare and even had her own dressing room at The Globe. Another vampire slept with Picasso but dumped him because she didn’t like how he painted her. But she made it into The Last Supper because she was banging Leonardo da Vinci. Oh yeah, and her brother claims to be the actual Casanova. Really? So, because you’ve lived hundreds of years means you’ve met all of the most important historical figures? I hate that!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 12, 2009
Cute book, and an inviting start to the series; it doesn't take itself too seriously, it's steamy enough to raise one's temperature, but not enough to cross the boundary into pornography, and the swearing is kept to a non-distracting minimum. (I don't mind the F-bomb, but it makes me wonder, when authors use it almost as often as the word 'the', if those authors are trying to compensate for something--either a deficient story or a deficient vocabulary.) Sure, there are some moments of idiocy where the main characters are concerned (the vamps know who's hunting them and his modus operandi, but when the hunter walks into Glory's shop and whips out his hunting tools, not one of the vamps recognizes him--yeah, that makes sense), but the stupidity never reaches throw-it-across-the-room level. The author has taken the well-trodden path of vampirism and added a new twist by allowing some of her vampires to have curves, creating an image at odd with the convential portrayal of a female vampire as slender, willowy, or even downright emaciated. It makes for an entertaining, zippy, sometimes annoying and occasionally funny novel.
June 23, 2008
I need some fluff to decompress after a long day of work and school. This kind of fits the bill. The first in a series, it's already got quite a lot of backstory that I feel I've missed, but it's still kind of fun. Glory, a 400yo vampire decides to give up the Vegas showgirl life and move to Houston to open up a 24-hour consignment shop - which, of course, is instantly a hit. Plus, she's juggling two super sexy men, a dog that communicates telepathically, and a rogue vampire hunter. And I'm only six chapters into the thing!
By the end of this book I was thoroughly convinced that a man had written it. Glory is so obsessed over her "voluptuous" frame, which, by best guess means she's a size 10 at the most with a DD bra size. The bad guy gets away to fight another day and will make an appearance in the next book in the series, "Real Vampires Live Large." Yes, I've already started it. Then put it down in favor of the Larry Elder book I started before I began the vamp series. A review for that one is coming.
By the end of this book I was thoroughly convinced that a man had written it. Glory is so obsessed over her "voluptuous" frame, which, by best guess means she's a size 10 at the most with a DD bra size. The bad guy gets away to fight another day and will make an appearance in the next book in the series, "Real Vampires Live Large." Yes, I've already started it. Then put it down in favor of the Larry Elder book I started before I began the vamp series. A review for that one is coming.
July 24, 2021
The fat vampire of or dreams, Glory, moves to Austin and gets in tough with the vampire powers shes been avoiding for hundreds of years. She has a run in with a new vampire hunter thats immune to the 'whammy' and is staking people close to her.
This is my second reading of this series and I think Im enjoying it more than my first! A treat with old lovers, new lovers, hunting vampire hunters and other friendly supes.
This is my second reading of this series and I think Im enjoying it more than my first! A treat with old lovers, new lovers, hunting vampire hunters and other friendly supes.
February 5, 2019
Dnf/Page 62 - boooooring, I don't care, is anything happening besides her whining about things?
If you can't get me at least a little excited to ready any further within the first 50 pages, I'm done for good. I like the witty-vampire books, but this isn't witty, funny or going anywhere...
If you can't get me at least a little excited to ready any further within the first 50 pages, I'm done for good. I like the witty-vampire books, but this isn't witty, funny or going anywhere...
February 17, 2014
I was in the mood for a lighter style Urban Fantasy and so I picked up this one off my pile. I enjoy humor in my vampire stories and also creative quirks to the worldbuilding which this one offered. It did its job of amusing me and getting a laugh out of me now and then, but the main character was a bit vacillating for my taste.
Glory St. Clair both appealed to me and drove me nuts. She is the main character and the story is entirely from her perspective. She was a cute and perky vampire who had been made back in Shakespeare's day when she had a fling with a smoldering hottie Scottish vampire named Jeremiah Campbell. They had/have an on again off again relationship. Glory loved him then, but his he-man care suffocated her plus she didn't feel adequate to be with someone like him who was Scottish nobility. Then there is her self-esteem issues over her figure and being a vampire. They go their separate ways and come together now and then. Jerry always looks after her and she both resents it and loves it.
In this case, Glory has been in Vegas long enough for the humans to start figuring out that she doesn't age so she has decided to move to Austin and start an antique boutique with all her own vintage clothes and things plus those of other paranormals who have collected and want to unload their things over the years. Jerry wants her to come to him instead because there is a vampire hunter on the loose that has already taken down a powerful friend.
Glory, along with the magical guard dog Valdez that Jerry gave her, insists on Austin where she has several vamp friends. On arrival, she reunites with her friends Frederick, Cici and Fredericks lover Derek, but she also meets the amorous Damien and his fabulous sister Florence who becomes Glory's roommate above her shop that she's renting from Damien. She also meets up with Diana the vamp who lives in the building and owns the coffee shop next door and gets her first worker when the werecat across the hall becomes her day gal. All would be perfect if there weren't vampire hunters both staking vamps with wooden crosses and shooting them with wooden arrows. Glory insists to the worried Jerry that she's fine and will be fine.
In the meantime, she gets tangled up with Damien and has mixed feelings about Jerry. She hopes for an uncomplicated tryst, but can't help jealousy when Mara seems to be making a play for Jerry. Glory gets distracted by so many things including the mysterious new day worker Ryan who acts oddly and then she has an epiphany moment after an attack that could have killed her. She will no longer shun her vampire self and will learn to embrace her powers so she can keep herself safe. So between exercising her vamp mojo, navigating romance and darting out of danger's path, Glory is your every day woman trying to make a living and live a fulfilling life who just happens to be a vamp.
So about Glory, I loved the regular gal part of her who isn't that big bad she-vamp heroine in most of the vampire books. I liked that she had her flaws and even her insecurities along with her strong sense of doing right by her friends and taking care of herself. I enjoyed that she gets into simple womanly stuff. But that being said, she drove me nuts the way she acted with Jerry. She got mad at him for wanting to protect her, but yet she really was kinda dumb and helpless much of the time. She had so many TSTL moments that I stopped counting. Honestly I have no clue how she wasn't taken down right off the bat. As to her relationship with Jerry, she couldn't make up her mind and it was beyond irritating. She's like a toddler with a toy. She throws it aside, but when someone comes along to pick it up, suddenly she snarls and snatches it back. She tries to tell herself that its only the physical with Jerry that is good, she can't be with him because she doesn't like him getting bossy and protective with her and she says she loves him as a friend. But when he backs off like she tells him too, lets her have her space to run her shop and hunt down clues about the killings and calls her a friend like she called him, she starts sobbing and needs a girls night because apparently all this means that he doesn't want her and just wants to be friends. Yeah, she had me pretty confused.
All that being said about Glory and her issues, I loved the paranormal world the author created, the light, humorous tone of the writing, the fabulous cast of characters including Valdez the powerful, talking guard dog, and I know this sounds odd, but I also liked Glory. I'm hoping that she's going to grow, change and figure stuff out as the series progresses and I definitely want more scenes with Jerry.
Those who enjoy a blend of humor, strong paranormal worldbuilding, spicy romance, and some excitement all rolled into one should give this a try.
Glory St. Clair both appealed to me and drove me nuts. She is the main character and the story is entirely from her perspective. She was a cute and perky vampire who had been made back in Shakespeare's day when she had a fling with a smoldering hottie Scottish vampire named Jeremiah Campbell. They had/have an on again off again relationship. Glory loved him then, but his he-man care suffocated her plus she didn't feel adequate to be with someone like him who was Scottish nobility. Then there is her self-esteem issues over her figure and being a vampire. They go their separate ways and come together now and then. Jerry always looks after her and she both resents it and loves it.
In this case, Glory has been in Vegas long enough for the humans to start figuring out that she doesn't age so she has decided to move to Austin and start an antique boutique with all her own vintage clothes and things plus those of other paranormals who have collected and want to unload their things over the years. Jerry wants her to come to him instead because there is a vampire hunter on the loose that has already taken down a powerful friend.
Glory, along with the magical guard dog Valdez that Jerry gave her, insists on Austin where she has several vamp friends. On arrival, she reunites with her friends Frederick, Cici and Fredericks lover Derek, but she also meets the amorous Damien and his fabulous sister Florence who becomes Glory's roommate above her shop that she's renting from Damien. She also meets up with Diana the vamp who lives in the building and owns the coffee shop next door and gets her first worker when the werecat across the hall becomes her day gal. All would be perfect if there weren't vampire hunters both staking vamps with wooden crosses and shooting them with wooden arrows. Glory insists to the worried Jerry that she's fine and will be fine.
In the meantime, she gets tangled up with Damien and has mixed feelings about Jerry. She hopes for an uncomplicated tryst, but can't help jealousy when Mara seems to be making a play for Jerry. Glory gets distracted by so many things including the mysterious new day worker Ryan who acts oddly and then she has an epiphany moment after an attack that could have killed her. She will no longer shun her vampire self and will learn to embrace her powers so she can keep herself safe. So between exercising her vamp mojo, navigating romance and darting out of danger's path, Glory is your every day woman trying to make a living and live a fulfilling life who just happens to be a vamp.
So about Glory, I loved the regular gal part of her who isn't that big bad she-vamp heroine in most of the vampire books. I liked that she had her flaws and even her insecurities along with her strong sense of doing right by her friends and taking care of herself. I enjoyed that she gets into simple womanly stuff. But that being said, she drove me nuts the way she acted with Jerry. She got mad at him for wanting to protect her, but yet she really was kinda dumb and helpless much of the time. She had so many TSTL moments that I stopped counting. Honestly I have no clue how she wasn't taken down right off the bat. As to her relationship with Jerry, she couldn't make up her mind and it was beyond irritating. She's like a toddler with a toy. She throws it aside, but when someone comes along to pick it up, suddenly she snarls and snatches it back. She tries to tell herself that its only the physical with Jerry that is good, she can't be with him because she doesn't like him getting bossy and protective with her and she says she loves him as a friend. But when he backs off like she tells him too, lets her have her space to run her shop and hunt down clues about the killings and calls her a friend like she called him, she starts sobbing and needs a girls night because apparently all this means that he doesn't want her and just wants to be friends. Yeah, she had me pretty confused.
All that being said about Glory and her issues, I loved the paranormal world the author created, the light, humorous tone of the writing, the fabulous cast of characters including Valdez the powerful, talking guard dog, and I know this sounds odd, but I also liked Glory. I'm hoping that she's going to grow, change and figure stuff out as the series progresses and I definitely want more scenes with Jerry.
Those who enjoy a blend of humor, strong paranormal worldbuilding, spicy romance, and some excitement all rolled into one should give this a try.
February 26, 2013
In Real Vampires Have Curves, plus sized vampire Glory St. Clair fights for her independence as a woman by opening up an antique store, fighting off the advances of both her ex-lover Blade and casanova Damian. The male vampires’ protective instincts kick into high gear when Westwood, a vampire hunter, starts making his presence known, and Glory becomes one of his future targets.
I have a lot of things to say about this book, and unfortunately, most of them aren’t positive. Here’s the good-bad-ugly summary of my thoughts:
THE GOOD:
Glory is not a skinny vampire like we see so often. Although she jokes about being bloated when turned, she is in fact a full-figured woman with curves. She also has a kind heart, which makes her likeable, and a sharp tongue that she uses liberally when displeased with someone. And she does rock her bustier later on. A bit insecure for a vampire but not as annoying as I expected based on other reviews. She does become less insecure about her weight as the story progresses, which was nice.
THE BAD:
Everyone can read her mind, even the cowgirl ghost in her antique shop. It is not only annoying, but also a bit lazy-seeming. Glory has less dialogue as a result. It is also excessive that practically every single character—even her genetically engineered telepathic guard dog (I’m not kidding!). Additionally, powers of other vampires pop up whenever it is convenient... Too many! Mind reading. Levitation. Mind control. Healing. Instant fires. Plus natural vamp speed (teleportation, rather) and strength. Their purpose is minimal. One scene to show that it exists, and another to use it to advance the plot. (Mind-reading excepted). The levitation has no apparent purpose whatsoever other than Considering these powers,
Speaking of the abundance of powers, there is also a very long cast of characters. Many of them could have been combined or eliminated altogether. It was confusing, and after a while I stopped bothering to keep them straight in my head.
The sex is not that hot. In a lighthearted book such as this, perhaps it is not meant to be. I still expected better, especially from a curvy vampire. Also, it bothered me that Blade’s Scottish accent was inconsistent, that he used it sparingly. Is it only for when he’s wooing her / lusting for her?
There are some grammar mistakes (mostly incorrectly placed commas). On page 76 it's "white haired vamp" and on page 77 it's "white-haired vamp."
THE UGLY:
Speaking of laziness... well, maybe I’m wrong here, but I’m pretty sure there were no female actresses during William Shakespeare’s time at the Globe Theatre. If you were hungry, female, and curvy, you’d best become a prostitute or something. I was unable to suspend my disbelief for this fact. The whole actress background seems pointless as well. Glory does not use acting skills during the book. She claims her skills as an actress enable her to speak in modern language. However, all the characters speak in a contemporary fashion. Someone else commented on the dressing rooms. I can’t speak for that, but if Glory really did have small parts as she claimed, I don’t think she would merit a dressing room anyway.
My final two criticism: I do not think it is cool for Glory to refer to herself as a slut. She does this several times throughout the book when she is not even engaging in “slutty” behaviour. She flirts. Maybe gropes one of her potential lovers’ butts. I cringed at phrases such as: "My inner slut was having a great time flirting with such a hottie." (236). Uh, hello? Also, Although Gloria does get mad, she does not get nearly angry with Damian. It’s as if they had a small spat. Flo is more upset than she is.
THE INTERESTING
I had the experience of strange writing on the interior margins of two pairs of pages:
“TRK1618 Real Vampires Have Curves Sec 1 Top Left R (288/289)
“TRK1618 Real Vampires Have Curves Sec 1 Bottom Right R (290/291)
That is all. Good day.
I have a lot of things to say about this book, and unfortunately, most of them aren’t positive. Here’s the good-bad-ugly summary of my thoughts:
THE GOOD:
Glory is not a skinny vampire like we see so often. Although she jokes about being bloated when turned, she is in fact a full-figured woman with curves. She also has a kind heart, which makes her likeable, and a sharp tongue that she uses liberally when displeased with someone. And she does rock her bustier later on. A bit insecure for a vampire but not as annoying as I expected based on other reviews. She does become less insecure about her weight as the story progresses, which was nice.
THE BAD:
Everyone can read her mind, even the cowgirl ghost in her antique shop. It is not only annoying, but also a bit lazy-seeming. Glory has less dialogue as a result. It is also excessive that practically every single character—even her genetically engineered telepathic guard dog (I’m not kidding!). Additionally, powers of other vampires pop up whenever it is convenient... Too many! Mind reading. Levitation. Mind control. Healing. Instant fires. Plus natural vamp speed (teleportation, rather) and strength. Their purpose is minimal. One scene to show that it exists, and another to use it to advance the plot. (Mind-reading excepted). The levitation has no apparent purpose whatsoever other than Considering these powers,
Speaking of the abundance of powers, there is also a very long cast of characters. Many of them could have been combined or eliminated altogether. It was confusing, and after a while I stopped bothering to keep them straight in my head.
The sex is not that hot. In a lighthearted book such as this, perhaps it is not meant to be. I still expected better, especially from a curvy vampire. Also, it bothered me that Blade’s Scottish accent was inconsistent, that he used it sparingly. Is it only for when he’s wooing her / lusting for her?
There are some grammar mistakes (mostly incorrectly placed commas). On page 76 it's "white haired vamp" and on page 77 it's "white-haired vamp."
THE UGLY:
Speaking of laziness... well, maybe I’m wrong here, but I’m pretty sure there were no female actresses during William Shakespeare’s time at the Globe Theatre. If you were hungry, female, and curvy, you’d best become a prostitute or something. I was unable to suspend my disbelief for this fact. The whole actress background seems pointless as well. Glory does not use acting skills during the book. She claims her skills as an actress enable her to speak in modern language. However, all the characters speak in a contemporary fashion. Someone else commented on the dressing rooms. I can’t speak for that, but if Glory really did have small parts as she claimed, I don’t think she would merit a dressing room anyway.
My final two criticism: I do not think it is cool for Glory to refer to herself as a slut. She does this several times throughout the book when she is not even engaging in “slutty” behaviour. She flirts. Maybe gropes one of her potential lovers’ butts. I cringed at phrases such as: "My inner slut was having a great time flirting with such a hottie." (236). Uh, hello? Also, Although Gloria does get mad, she does not get nearly angry with Damian. It’s as if they had a small spat. Flo is more upset than she is.
THE INTERESTING
I had the experience of strange writing on the interior margins of two pairs of pages:
“TRK1618 Real Vampires Have Curves Sec 1 Top Left R (288/289)
“TRK1618 Real Vampires Have Curves Sec 1 Bottom Right R (290/291)
That is all. Good day.
March 28, 2014
3,5/5
Mon avis en Français
My English review
It’s been a while since I had seen this book on a blog and the review really made me want to discover the first Gerry Bartlett’s volume. Well I must say that I’m a chick-lit lover, so this one was perfect for me. I do not know if you know the Immortal bites series or Queen Betsy, but this book is perfectly in line with it and I really enjoyed discovering a new series such as this one.
Gloriana is a young woman who is in search of freedom and independence. She decides to go to Austin to open a shop to sell old clothes and objects. Something perfect for her as she is really old too. But her ex boyfriend Blade cares for her, mainly now that he knows that some vampire hunters are located in this region. He therefore orders her to go to a casino and live with him so he can protect her adequately. You can imagine that this is not AT ALL to the taste of our heroine, who does not like orders and is determined to live her life as she wants. However, her life, it is true, is far from being wonderful and she will have to be very careful throughout the book.
I loved the character of Gloriana, she is far from stupid and only wants to live a « normal » life and to assume herself without anyone behind her to watch her. She is dynamic and lively, which makes her a pleasant character to get to know, even if it means that she can be really naive when she wants. She tries to resist her weaknesses while succumbing completely. Well I must say that when this weakness is called Blade, we understand it perfectly. Ah, this charming Irish vampire … what about him? I completely fell in love with him, and even if it is true that he is a bit macho, He’ll do his possible to change and be there for our heroine and help her. I fall quickly under his spell and I looked forward to his scenes with Glory to discover more about him. And then there’s Damien … But he is just the opposite, he is quite annoying but he is a real Casanova. It was pretty funny to see all the shenanigans he was preparing to trap our heroine. And I must say he has a lot of ideas for it!
I loved this novel, well I admit a little less than what I thought, but it was nice to read it and I’m curious to see what the result will be now in the sequel. After it is true that some aspects of the story are quickly understood, while others are a little more in the shadows. The story is not really over here but it’s rather an introduction. Everything remains outstanding without leaving a real cliffy at the end of the novel, but we remain intrigued by the ideas of the author.
Mon avis en Français
My English review
It’s been a while since I had seen this book on a blog and the review really made me want to discover the first Gerry Bartlett’s volume. Well I must say that I’m a chick-lit lover, so this one was perfect for me. I do not know if you know the Immortal bites series or Queen Betsy, but this book is perfectly in line with it and I really enjoyed discovering a new series such as this one.
Gloriana is a young woman who is in search of freedom and independence. She decides to go to Austin to open a shop to sell old clothes and objects. Something perfect for her as she is really old too. But her ex boyfriend Blade cares for her, mainly now that he knows that some vampire hunters are located in this region. He therefore orders her to go to a casino and live with him so he can protect her adequately. You can imagine that this is not AT ALL to the taste of our heroine, who does not like orders and is determined to live her life as she wants. However, her life, it is true, is far from being wonderful and she will have to be very careful throughout the book.
I loved the character of Gloriana, she is far from stupid and only wants to live a « normal » life and to assume herself without anyone behind her to watch her. She is dynamic and lively, which makes her a pleasant character to get to know, even if it means that she can be really naive when she wants. She tries to resist her weaknesses while succumbing completely. Well I must say that when this weakness is called Blade, we understand it perfectly. Ah, this charming Irish vampire … what about him? I completely fell in love with him, and even if it is true that he is a bit macho, He’ll do his possible to change and be there for our heroine and help her. I fall quickly under his spell and I looked forward to his scenes with Glory to discover more about him. And then there’s Damien … But he is just the opposite, he is quite annoying but he is a real Casanova. It was pretty funny to see all the shenanigans he was preparing to trap our heroine. And I must say he has a lot of ideas for it!
I loved this novel, well I admit a little less than what I thought, but it was nice to read it and I’m curious to see what the result will be now in the sequel. After it is true that some aspects of the story are quickly understood, while others are a little more in the shadows. The story is not really over here but it’s rather an introduction. Everything remains outstanding without leaving a real cliffy at the end of the novel, but we remain intrigued by the ideas of the author.
October 18, 2014
A full-figured vampire? Sign me up!
I’ve had this book on my Amazon wish-list for years, and I finally purchased it. And I’m so glad I did. “Real Vampires Have Curves” was a quick-read that I read in about four hours, but it kept me entertained, and laughing the whole time.
The main-character, Glory St. Clair is a fashionable, full-figured vampire who’s moving to Austin to open up her own antique shop, “Vintage Vamp Emporium” with her talking dog, Valdez. Her on again, off again lover, Jerimiah Campbell aka Blade, is a hunky Scottish Vamp with an overprotective streak. He warns her that a vampire hunter is on the loose, and that she needs to be careful. The basic plot of the novel is her trying to find and defeat the vampire hunter. Not to spoil anything, but it has a few deaths, along with some laugh-out loud moments, and some quirky, interesting characters.
I fell in love with main character, Glory. I loved her voice, and dialogue in the book. It felt like I could hear her speaking in my head while I was reading, which was a good thing because the author really executed the character’s voice. Glory’s sassy, independent, and fun personality made her very likeable to me, but I could see how it could be annoying for some. She’s one of those characters or people that you either like them or you don’t. No real in-between.
Glory also had a couple of insecurities about her weight, and body at times, but I felt that it made her realistic. It made her feel like she was like every other women in the world. At times she annoyed me because she made stupid, naïve decisions, but she got better as the story progressed.
There is a slight love triangle in the book between Glory, Blade, and Damian, her roommate’s brother. But Damian comes off as sort of an arrogant arse so hopefully she chooses Blade. I really liked Blade, and I loved the way the author portrays him. Blade is hard, confident Alpha male with a slight Scottish accent at times. I do think he is too overprotective of Glory at times, but I’m hoping that changes as the series goes on.
As far as vampire books go, there wasn’t really any twists or anything really different. Her vampire characters basically stuck to traditional vampire ways. They don’t go into the sunlight and stakes to the heart can kill them, but she did add a few modern twists. Vampires can be photographed, but can’t look into mirrors. And they drink synthetic blood that they can buy online.
But overall, I really enjoyed the novel, and I think this series brings something new to the vampire genre. There aren’t many novels with a full-figured vampire, talking dog, hunky Scot, gorgeous Italian Vampires, and shapeshifters all in one book. If you love vampires, and chick-lit, definitely think about reading this!
I’ve had this book on my Amazon wish-list for years, and I finally purchased it. And I’m so glad I did. “Real Vampires Have Curves” was a quick-read that I read in about four hours, but it kept me entertained, and laughing the whole time.
The main-character, Glory St. Clair is a fashionable, full-figured vampire who’s moving to Austin to open up her own antique shop, “Vintage Vamp Emporium” with her talking dog, Valdez. Her on again, off again lover, Jerimiah Campbell aka Blade, is a hunky Scottish Vamp with an overprotective streak. He warns her that a vampire hunter is on the loose, and that she needs to be careful. The basic plot of the novel is her trying to find and defeat the vampire hunter. Not to spoil anything, but it has a few deaths, along with some laugh-out loud moments, and some quirky, interesting characters.
I fell in love with main character, Glory. I loved her voice, and dialogue in the book. It felt like I could hear her speaking in my head while I was reading, which was a good thing because the author really executed the character’s voice. Glory’s sassy, independent, and fun personality made her very likeable to me, but I could see how it could be annoying for some. She’s one of those characters or people that you either like them or you don’t. No real in-between.
Glory also had a couple of insecurities about her weight, and body at times, but I felt that it made her realistic. It made her feel like she was like every other women in the world. At times she annoyed me because she made stupid, naïve decisions, but she got better as the story progressed.
There is a slight love triangle in the book between Glory, Blade, and Damian, her roommate’s brother. But Damian comes off as sort of an arrogant arse so hopefully she chooses Blade. I really liked Blade, and I loved the way the author portrays him. Blade is hard, confident Alpha male with a slight Scottish accent at times. I do think he is too overprotective of Glory at times, but I’m hoping that changes as the series goes on.
As far as vampire books go, there wasn’t really any twists or anything really different. Her vampire characters basically stuck to traditional vampire ways. They don’t go into the sunlight and stakes to the heart can kill them, but she did add a few modern twists. Vampires can be photographed, but can’t look into mirrors. And they drink synthetic blood that they can buy online.
But overall, I really enjoyed the novel, and I think this series brings something new to the vampire genre. There aren’t many novels with a full-figured vampire, talking dog, hunky Scot, gorgeous Italian Vampires, and shapeshifters all in one book. If you love vampires, and chick-lit, definitely think about reading this!
November 5, 2013
Fun and wild romp through the world of Glory St Clair!
Description:
at - did you think all vamps were pale, thin and brooding? Don't I wish.
Gloriana St. Clair is an eternally "full-figured" vampire-she just happened to be bloating when a sexy Scotsman sank his teeth into her. She and said Scot- Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, aka Jeremy Blade-have been on and off again for centuries, currently off. A couple hundred years has taught them how to press each other's buttons-in good ways and bad.
Glory's headed for Austin and a new business venture: Vintage Vamp's Emporium. After all, she loves clothes, and she is an antique. Only problem is, there's a billionaire techno-freak vampire hunter on the loose. Blade's in total he- vampire mode, and wants Glory to move in with him so he can "protect" her. But it's time for this vamp to explore her own powers.
My Thoughts:
I totally enjoyed reading this book. Glory is my kind of Vampire, not real sure of herself, down to earth but with a "difference". Her character is fully rounded and very easy to relate to even though she is several hundred years old. The secondary characters that GB created are funny and give the story depth and are wonderful vehicles for moving the plot in different directions. I love the male characters and how strong and dominate they are..in Glory's mind too dominate but they especially Blade are amazing.
The story moves quickly and doesn't dwell too long anywhere which makes the book a fast and easy read. The twists and turns keep your attention and doesn't let it go. I'm looking forward to digging into the next book. (the ending btw is a bit of a cliff hanger as the story is continuous into the next novel)
I give this a 4 star rating and a recommendation if you are looking for a fun urban fantasy with romantic overtones.
t'irla
t'irla's talk
tirlastalk.blogspot.ca READ RATE REVIEW
Description:
at - did you think all vamps were pale, thin and brooding? Don't I wish.
Gloriana St. Clair is an eternally "full-figured" vampire-she just happened to be bloating when a sexy Scotsman sank his teeth into her. She and said Scot- Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, aka Jeremy Blade-have been on and off again for centuries, currently off. A couple hundred years has taught them how to press each other's buttons-in good ways and bad.
Glory's headed for Austin and a new business venture: Vintage Vamp's Emporium. After all, she loves clothes, and she is an antique. Only problem is, there's a billionaire techno-freak vampire hunter on the loose. Blade's in total he- vampire mode, and wants Glory to move in with him so he can "protect" her. But it's time for this vamp to explore her own powers.
My Thoughts:
I totally enjoyed reading this book. Glory is my kind of Vampire, not real sure of herself, down to earth but with a "difference". Her character is fully rounded and very easy to relate to even though she is several hundred years old. The secondary characters that GB created are funny and give the story depth and are wonderful vehicles for moving the plot in different directions. I love the male characters and how strong and dominate they are..in Glory's mind too dominate but they especially Blade are amazing.
The story moves quickly and doesn't dwell too long anywhere which makes the book a fast and easy read. The twists and turns keep your attention and doesn't let it go. I'm looking forward to digging into the next book. (the ending btw is a bit of a cliff hanger as the story is continuous into the next novel)
I give this a 4 star rating and a recommendation if you are looking for a fun urban fantasy with romantic overtones.
t'irla
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tirlastalk.blogspot.ca READ RATE REVIEW
May 2, 2010
I actually bought and read this when it first came out. Apparently at that point it made some sort of impression on me because I bought the second book in the series. However, as I picked it up a couple weeks ago, I realized I really only remembered the premise almost none of the plot point.
Gloriana St. Clair, now Glory used to be an actress at the Globe Theatre, then she met the vampire Jeremiah Campbell, now Jeremiah Blade. She wanted eternal life with him; to her eternal regret, she didn't know she'd be 'bloated' forever.
Gerry Bartlett's vampires can shift into animals, read minds, put the whammy on humans, and live off a blood substitute (Bloody Merry, marketed as a health drink). Glory however is afraid to shift (what if she got stuck?) and doesn't read other vamps' minds out of politeness.
Glory really wants to be an independent woman. Her creator and sometimes lover, Jeremiah is convinced this is a good idea, so she is saddled with a bodyguard in the shape of a labradoodle, Valdez, who communicates with her telepathically. She and Jeremiah are at odds at the beginning of the book as Glory leaves Las Vegas to move to Austin to open a vintage clothing store. Jeremiah wants her to come live with him because there's a new vampire hunter who has created vampire detectors and his only goal is to kill them.
This is a very peppy book. Forget broody vampires, most of them are just trying to live without anyone noticing that they never age. I actually enjoyed that, which is why it got four stars instead of three. It's so nice to read about vampires enjoy their eternal life rather than going around beating their chests and wailing 'Who Wants to Live Forever?'
Humorous paranormal romance has blossomed over the past few years. If you’re a fan, give this one a try.
Gloriana St. Clair, now Glory used to be an actress at the Globe Theatre, then she met the vampire Jeremiah Campbell, now Jeremiah Blade. She wanted eternal life with him; to her eternal regret, she didn't know she'd be 'bloated' forever.
Gerry Bartlett's vampires can shift into animals, read minds, put the whammy on humans, and live off a blood substitute (Bloody Merry, marketed as a health drink). Glory however is afraid to shift (what if she got stuck?) and doesn't read other vamps' minds out of politeness.
Glory really wants to be an independent woman. Her creator and sometimes lover, Jeremiah is convinced this is a good idea, so she is saddled with a bodyguard in the shape of a labradoodle, Valdez, who communicates with her telepathically. She and Jeremiah are at odds at the beginning of the book as Glory leaves Las Vegas to move to Austin to open a vintage clothing store. Jeremiah wants her to come live with him because there's a new vampire hunter who has created vampire detectors and his only goal is to kill them.
This is a very peppy book. Forget broody vampires, most of them are just trying to live without anyone noticing that they never age. I actually enjoyed that, which is why it got four stars instead of three. It's so nice to read about vampires enjoy their eternal life rather than going around beating their chests and wailing 'Who Wants to Live Forever?'
Humorous paranormal romance has blossomed over the past few years. If you’re a fan, give this one a try.
August 21, 2008
I bought this trash because it was in the 75% off bargin bin at Books-A-Million and I can never pass up a 75% off bargin bin at a book store. I absolutely have to buy something. Books that cheap, it's like crack cocaine.
Well, it's a good thing I didn't spend any more money on this book. I think even the $3.97 was too much. The writing wasn't bad but the rest of the book was just...trash. There's just no other way to put it.
I guess if you like romance novels this might be a fun book for you to read, but I hate romance novels. I hate the put on "strong, independent woman" characterization that most romance novels contain. For instance, "I'm a strong woman. I don't need a man, but that man makes me soooo hot! I just have to have him." She sleeps with him - it's all lusty and good - and then she gets mad because he's infringing upon her independence again. What? ugh, vampire, please!
Also, there was nothing new in this. Nothing at all new in the vampire - romance - fiction genre. Rich vampires. Vampires that love sex. Boys fighting over girl. The only thing even close to being new is that the heroine, Gloriana St. Claire (or Glory to her friends, ugh) is a woman with some extra curves. Which she goes back and forth loving her lucsious curvy figure and hating it. ENOUGH!
Only read this book is you absolutely have to read all the absolutely awful vampire/romance/chick lit/silly vampire books out there. It's along the same lines as Dead and Unwed (although that was even better than this!)
Well, it's a good thing I didn't spend any more money on this book. I think even the $3.97 was too much. The writing wasn't bad but the rest of the book was just...trash. There's just no other way to put it.
I guess if you like romance novels this might be a fun book for you to read, but I hate romance novels. I hate the put on "strong, independent woman" characterization that most romance novels contain. For instance, "I'm a strong woman. I don't need a man, but that man makes me soooo hot! I just have to have him." She sleeps with him - it's all lusty and good - and then she gets mad because he's infringing upon her independence again. What? ugh, vampire, please!
Also, there was nothing new in this. Nothing at all new in the vampire - romance - fiction genre. Rich vampires. Vampires that love sex. Boys fighting over girl. The only thing even close to being new is that the heroine, Gloriana St. Claire (or Glory to her friends, ugh) is a woman with some extra curves. Which she goes back and forth loving her lucsious curvy figure and hating it. ENOUGH!
Only read this book is you absolutely have to read all the absolutely awful vampire/romance/chick lit/silly vampire books out there. It's along the same lines as Dead and Unwed (although that was even better than this!)
November 21, 2011
I found out about this series from some of the lovely ladies on our Facebook page and I couldn't be more happy about it. This book was great and I can't wait to read more from this series. If you guys haven't read it yet, then you definitely need too.
Glory is a vampire that's just trying to live her life. She's working and trying to figure out her love life. She just moved to Austin, Texas and she is starting a new business. Just your regular woman. Except for the fact that someone is trying to kill all the vampires in Austin, her on again, off again ex is trying to get her to do whatever he wants, there's a new bad boy vamp who is trying to get with her lovely lady lumps, and a whole mess of other stuff going on.
I love Glory. She starts off uncertain about herself and her vampy powers but she quickly gains confidence. She's a great leading lady. She definitely holds her own, especially with all the macho men types that are all around her. Not only was she great but I loved all the supporting characters as well. You get to see a lot of them and some fun personalities.
I'm hoping that Glory ends up with Blade. I can see why she gives him a hard time but really she should just give in. He's too hot not too! Lol. I know this is only the first book in the series I've read but I'm looking forward to the next books. If you haven't read them, like I said, you definitely should!
Glory is a vampire that's just trying to live her life. She's working and trying to figure out her love life. She just moved to Austin, Texas and she is starting a new business. Just your regular woman. Except for the fact that someone is trying to kill all the vampires in Austin, her on again, off again ex is trying to get her to do whatever he wants, there's a new bad boy vamp who is trying to get with her lovely lady lumps, and a whole mess of other stuff going on.
I love Glory. She starts off uncertain about herself and her vampy powers but she quickly gains confidence. She's a great leading lady. She definitely holds her own, especially with all the macho men types that are all around her. Not only was she great but I loved all the supporting characters as well. You get to see a lot of them and some fun personalities.
I'm hoping that Glory ends up with Blade. I can see why she gives him a hard time but really she should just give in. He's too hot not too! Lol. I know this is only the first book in the series I've read but I'm looking forward to the next books. If you haven't read them, like I said, you definitely should!
May 15, 2009
Gerry Bartlett broke the mold when she came up with Glory St. Clair. Glory is a 500 years old plus vampire who has become a total modern girl. She is a "real" woman, meaning a size 12 and not a size 2 like most heroines found in romance whether they be historical, modern or paranormal. This first book in the Glory vampire series is funny, heartwarming and very erotic. It is also very refreshing to read about the potluck of characters that Glory surrounds herself with, including her creator and love of her undead life, Gerry.
For ultimate laughs and modern day problems such as dating, sex and trying to get through the ho-hum (including trying to stay alive from evil vampire hunters), this is the book for fans of romance and comedy all rolled into one. Again, the true reason to start reading this series is because of Glory. Everything is told in her first person point of view, ala "Sex in the City."
A true laugh a minute that will not disappoint, plus very hot sex!
For ultimate laughs and modern day problems such as dating, sex and trying to get through the ho-hum (including trying to stay alive from evil vampire hunters), this is the book for fans of romance and comedy all rolled into one. Again, the true reason to start reading this series is because of Glory. Everything is told in her first person point of view, ala "Sex in the City."
A true laugh a minute that will not disappoint, plus very hot sex!
June 25, 2011
I've heard so many great things about this author, so I was so happy when I saw this one just sitting on my library shelf. I love the pnr genre, and one of my favorite subsets is the funny/lighthearted ones. Glory is a plus-size vampire and is grousing about her on again off again vampire boyfriend (Blade) for the majority of this book. She is moving on with her life and starting a new business in Austin, and he doesn't want her on her own because of a vampire hunter that's in that area. Glory, being Glory, ignored his request and decided to keep her shop anyway. Glory, Blade and her friends try to stop the vampire hunter from killing other vamps including themselves.
This moved really quickly and didn't take me long to read. I laughed throughout, and although some parts were absurd, I still loved it anyway. I can see this becoming a series that I pick up when I need some lighthearted relief and want to laugh out loud. I'll definitely be checking out the other books in the series.
This moved really quickly and didn't take me long to read. I laughed throughout, and although some parts were absurd, I still loved it anyway. I can see this becoming a series that I pick up when I need some lighthearted relief and want to laugh out loud. I'll definitely be checking out the other books in the series.
August 28, 2012
I thought this story started out kind of slow. At first I didn't think I was even going to like it. Yet the farther into the book you go, the more you want to keep reading. It's really fun to watch Glory "live" and learn. She might be 400+ years old but she still has A LOT of learning to do. The main character is trying very hard to separate herself from the man who changed her into a vampire, it's like you're watching her fall out of love only to keep falling in to it again, like an old married couple. She is in love with him but hates certain things about him and needs to prove to herself more than anyone else that she is a strong independent modern day woman. I was impressed by the unique ideas brought forth from this book. A Kevlar bra to protect against staking? Why hasn't anyone come up with that before? A heat-seeking device to detect vampires? Genius. Bartlett really raised the bar in paranormal chick lit!
October 21, 2009
This is a contemporary fantasy with a chick-lit tone, which I generally like. I finished it, but never once felt any enthusiasm for the book as I read. I think one of the the problems was a lack of character development by the author. The first half of the book introduced a new character every couple pages, so there was never any time spent getting to know each of them.
Basic idea: Female vamp (Glory) moves to Austin and opens a vintage store, only there's a nasty vampire hunter around that's attacking and killing vampires (who are nice, though secretive, contributing members of society). Glory makes lots of new friends, has romantic encounters, and solves some mysteries surrounding how the hunter is killing vamps. Lots of "girl power" moments.
Basic idea: Female vamp (Glory) moves to Austin and opens a vintage store, only there's a nasty vampire hunter around that's attacking and killing vampires (who are nice, though secretive, contributing members of society). Glory makes lots of new friends, has romantic encounters, and solves some mysteries surrounding how the hunter is killing vamps. Lots of "girl power" moments.
June 19, 2011
For me something was lacking in this story, maybe it is because I did not really take to Glory St Clair who has been a vampire for a few centuries but refuses to embrace the new skills she acquired - such as the ability to heal wounds and to change shape. She also has her maker who cares for her but it a bit arrogant (as are most male vampires) who she has an off on relationship with. In this story I don't feel that I chance to get to know Blade very well.
I didn't really enjoy the storyline either. There's a hunter on the loose and he is killing friends of Glory and Blade.
As I read it I skipped over a lot of it and found that I did not really miss anything. I have to admit I was disappointed. I thouhgt it would be more along the lines of the series by Davidson.
I didn't really enjoy the storyline either. There's a hunter on the loose and he is killing friends of Glory and Blade.
As I read it I skipped over a lot of it and found that I did not really miss anything. I have to admit I was disappointed. I thouhgt it would be more along the lines of the series by Davidson.
April 11, 2010
Being a huge Sookie fan, I found the first Glory book to be a fabulous, fun read. I've read some of the critiques here and some of them have merit but I have this thing for people who complain about books not being very realistic in this genre. Um, we're talking about Vampires and talking dogs and shape shifters. The read is for fun. It made me smile and made me laugh out loud and kept me turning the pages. For all those reasons, it not only gets a full 5 stars from me but I will be going out this weekend and buying the other 3 (I think?) books that are out right now in the Glory series.
I am a new and happy Glory fan.
I am a new and happy Glory fan.
April 5, 2011
This is book one in the series. Wildly entertaining. One of the best vampire romance novels I've read in recent history. Glory, our heroin, has been a vampire for a very very long time. She was turned by the love of her life, Jeremiah, who has an on-again off-again relationship. She decided to move to Austin and open up a vintage clothing store when the killings start. A hunter is out to kill as many vampires as possible and wear their fangs as a badge of honor. Glory learns to get in touch with her vamp side, block bad boys from reading her mind, and dress with the best fashion sense possible. A super fun, fast read.
August 26, 2014
This is a real who-done-it, fashionista, murder mystery, and love story all rolled into one.
Glory St. Claire and Jerimiah (Jerry) are both vampires and the two main characters in the book. They are also on/off again lovers and Jerry was Glory's makers. The book takes place in Austin, TX and there is a vampire hunter on the loose. While everyone knows who he is, there are other vampire deaths taking place and the book is a series of events trying to find who killed who. I guessed the wrong person many times.
Glory also owns a vintage clothing shop that is open 24 hrs/day so vampires can shop and it really is just an shop, an enjoyable mystery with fashion to top it off.
Glory St. Claire and Jerimiah (Jerry) are both vampires and the two main characters in the book. They are also on/off again lovers and Jerry was Glory's makers. The book takes place in Austin, TX and there is a vampire hunter on the loose. While everyone knows who he is, there are other vampire deaths taking place and the book is a series of events trying to find who killed who. I guessed the wrong person many times.
Glory also owns a vintage clothing shop that is open 24 hrs/day so vampires can shop and it really is just an shop, an enjoyable mystery with fashion to top it off.
January 30, 2009
Nothing better than a book about vampires protecting the incredible interesting (and long) lives! This steamy book is a real page turner that will leave you wanting more. Glory is pursued by her on again/off again lover (and maker) the handsome (and Scottish) Jeremy Blade. His only goal? To protect Glory, not by her choice. Blade friend,the wealthy (and Italian) Damian, puts the move on Glory. Between two sexy vampires and a crazy billionaire hunter bent on killing Glory, how will she ever pull it together to get her vintage clothing store off and running?
You gotta read this book.
You gotta read this book.
February 9, 2012
Size 16 is not plus sized,nor do big tits make it so either. So not my cup of tea. Too bodice rippy for me, and weak storyline. I felt no sympathy for any character and I wanted to stake the main character myself. Only read it 'cause a friend told me they thought I would like it and they are normally right.
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