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The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness
This book is about saying yes to life in all its manifestations—embracing the potent mixture of joy, suffering, brilliance, and confusion that characterizes the human experience. Pema Chödrön shows us the profound value of our situation of "no escape" from the ups and downs of life.
128 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1991
889 people are currently reading
15377 people want to read
About the author
Pema Chödrön
198 books5,360 followersAni Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 377 reviews
September 5, 2008
Oh lordie. Pema Chodron makes me understand how people go insane and become fundamentalists. She is SO SMART and EVERYONE should just walk around thinking about her ALL THE TIME.
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December 3, 2010"Once you know that the purpose of your life is simply to walk forward and continually to use your life to wake you up rather than put you to sleep, then there's that sense of wholeheartedness about inconvenience, wholeheartedness about convenience. .... Comfort orientation murders the spirit--that was the general message. Opting for coziness, having that as your prime reason for existing, becomes a continual obstacle to taking a leap and doing something new, doing something unusual, like going as a stranger into a strange land." (94)
May 14, 2008
Pema Chodron takes Tich Naht Hahn's Zen Buddhist wisdom and makes it readable. No totally obscure allegories or fragments of wisdom to decode for meaning. She is straight from the heart, speaks of her experience, and translates the traditional Buddhist teachings into an every day accessible language and practice. I reference Tich Naht Hahn, but she is actually from a different school of Buddhism under Tringpah Ringpoche.
July 20, 2017
I honestly believe that reading this book may have saved my life. I found it in the midst of the greatest crisis in my life, and I think it's what helped me to get through it.
February 15, 2025
Of all the Pema Chodron books I've read and audio programs I've listened to this had the central phrase/idea that's stuck with me the most. "The wisdom of no escape"
What are we escaping from? Aspects of our own experience as they arise. This may seem odd if you haven't tried meditation or done some awareness/spiritual work. I don't think it's an obvious truth. But if you pay attention, it becomes clear that most of our actions and much of our inner life is an activity of escape from our present state, which can feel overwhelming, scarry or simply unsettling. We instinctively try and feel in control of this uncertainty though the habits of a life of avoidance, which is just normal living. That's the thing about Buddhism; it's not a critique of maladaptation or sickness it's a critique of everyday normal living.
The word escape is so well chosen, because that is exactly what it feels like: a running away, an activity of avoidance. "No escape" as a attitude and orientation is radical: a literal turnabout of how we normally are. Just to stay with the present as feelings and thoughts come and go, to stay with our inner life as it unfolds. That is a way towards wisdom. "The wisdom of no escape."
When the panic rises, as it inevitably will in meditation or in life when we are attending, it can feel like we'll die or fall apart if we don't escape by doing something, anything! When I started out meditating, the message from this book really helped orient me in those stressful and panicky moments (and still does!). In particular Pema quoting Suzuki Roshi's instructions was clarifying, "Sit still. Don't anticipate. Just be willing to die over and over again.” (p.196)
The practice of simply keeping your attention steady to the present moment can become a regular activity, but it requires courage, kindness and a steadfastness. I don't think mindfulness itself is the end here for Pema or Buddhism, but it is a necessity because only from "directly experienced reality" can further exploration and realization emerge. Pema Chodron has a clear and relatable way of presenting ideas and practices with a lot of kindness but also a challenging edge. I highly recommend this book and a lot of her audio programs for anyone interested in meditation, Buddhism, spirituality, or mindfulness.
Pema Chodron, Ranked(2/13/25):
1- Noble Heart: A Self-Guided Retreat on Befriending Your Obstacles*
2- The Wisdom of No Escape: How to Love Yourself and Your World
3- When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
4- No Time to Lose: A Timely Guide to the Way of the Bodhisattva
5- Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
6- Awakening Compassion: Meditation Practice for Difficult Times*
7- The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
8- Be Grateful to Everyone: An In-Depth Guide to the Practice of Lojong*
9- Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment*
10- How We Live Is How We Die
11- Bodhisattva Mind: Teachings to Cultivate Courage and Awareness in the Midst of Suffering*
12- Coming Closer to Ourselves: Making Everything the Path of Awakening*
13- Embracing the Unknown: Life Lessons from the Tibetan Book of the Dead*
14- The Three Commitments: Walking the Path of Liberation*
15- The Compassion Book: Teachings for Awakening the Heart
16- Fully Alive: A Retreat with Pema Chodron on Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change*
17- Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknown
* Audio Program
What are we escaping from? Aspects of our own experience as they arise. This may seem odd if you haven't tried meditation or done some awareness/spiritual work. I don't think it's an obvious truth. But if you pay attention, it becomes clear that most of our actions and much of our inner life is an activity of escape from our present state, which can feel overwhelming, scarry or simply unsettling. We instinctively try and feel in control of this uncertainty though the habits of a life of avoidance, which is just normal living. That's the thing about Buddhism; it's not a critique of maladaptation or sickness it's a critique of everyday normal living.
The word escape is so well chosen, because that is exactly what it feels like: a running away, an activity of avoidance. "No escape" as a attitude and orientation is radical: a literal turnabout of how we normally are. Just to stay with the present as feelings and thoughts come and go, to stay with our inner life as it unfolds. That is a way towards wisdom. "The wisdom of no escape."
When the panic rises, as it inevitably will in meditation or in life when we are attending, it can feel like we'll die or fall apart if we don't escape by doing something, anything! When I started out meditating, the message from this book really helped orient me in those stressful and panicky moments (and still does!). In particular Pema quoting Suzuki Roshi's instructions was clarifying, "Sit still. Don't anticipate. Just be willing to die over and over again.” (p.196)
The practice of simply keeping your attention steady to the present moment can become a regular activity, but it requires courage, kindness and a steadfastness. I don't think mindfulness itself is the end here for Pema or Buddhism, but it is a necessity because only from "directly experienced reality" can further exploration and realization emerge. Pema Chodron has a clear and relatable way of presenting ideas and practices with a lot of kindness but also a challenging edge. I highly recommend this book and a lot of her audio programs for anyone interested in meditation, Buddhism, spirituality, or mindfulness.
Pema Chodron, Ranked(2/13/25):
1- Noble Heart: A Self-Guided Retreat on Befriending Your Obstacles*
2- The Wisdom of No Escape: How to Love Yourself and Your World
3- When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
4- No Time to Lose: A Timely Guide to the Way of the Bodhisattva
5- Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
6- Awakening Compassion: Meditation Practice for Difficult Times*
7- The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
8- Be Grateful to Everyone: An In-Depth Guide to the Practice of Lojong*
9- Making Friends with Your Mind: The Key to Contentment*
10- How We Live Is How We Die
11- Bodhisattva Mind: Teachings to Cultivate Courage and Awareness in the Midst of Suffering*
12- Coming Closer to Ourselves: Making Everything the Path of Awakening*
13- Embracing the Unknown: Life Lessons from the Tibetan Book of the Dead*
14- The Three Commitments: Walking the Path of Liberation*
15- The Compassion Book: Teachings for Awakening the Heart
16- Fully Alive: A Retreat with Pema Chodron on Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change*
17- Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknown
* Audio Program
December 4, 2021
I think this is the best Pema book, hands down. It’s now always in rotation.
April 10, 2011
A beautiful series of talks given during a 1-month "dathun" (practice period) by Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön, at a monastery called Gampo Abbey. It may be as close as I come to meditation practice at a monastery...but this description in the preface made me feel throughout the book as if I were almost there (easy to visualize because it sounds like my home in the Pacific Northwest that's forever a part of me): "The abbey is located on Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia at the end of along dirt road, on cliffs high above the Gulf of Saint Lawrence, where the wildness and playfulness of the weather, the animals, and the landscape permeate the atmosphere. As one sits in the medication hall, the vastness of the sky and water permeates the mind and heart. The silence of the place, intensified by the sounds of the sea and wind, birds and animals, permeates the senses." With that image in my mind I felt peaceful as I read about and attempted to practice the described meditation technique of Chögyam Trungpa. I learned that if I actually reverse a meditation that I created years ago for myself, I find both more peace and more strength in it. I really learned a lot from it. We'll see if I can put some of it into practice. I can't satisfactorily describe it all, but here are two thoughts that were powerful to me: 1) "The everyday practice is simply to develop...a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions and to all people, experiencing everything totally without reservations or blockages, so that one never withdraws or centralizes into oneself." and 2)"If you really have these questions, you'll find the answers everywhere. But if you don't have a question, there's certainly no answer." I feel like this book would have something powerful to touch anyone who "has ears to hear". I appreciated her honesty in sharing her own imperfection. I am Christian, and found much to appreciate in her teachings; a lot of value in her wisdom.
December 9, 2012
As a teacher, Pema Chödrön is something of a cross between Thich Nhat Hanh and Charlotte Joko Beck. She is a bit more Western than Thich Nhat Hanh, but not quite as original as Joko Beck. However, her talks are more grounded in the Tibetan tradition than a Zen one.
This book is a collection of dharma talks given over the course of a one month retreat. The majority of the talks present sound, practical advice derived from the wisdom her teachers. For at least the first half of the book, there wasn't too much new for an seasoned Buddhist practitioner. But there were a few absolute gems in the second half of the book.
My very favorite was the chapter titled "Not Preferring Samsara or Nirvana". For me (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this), there has always been a tendency to think that if I could live the stress-free life of a monk, my spiritual practice would be so much richer. Or if I just had a simpler life with less responsibilities, that would be preferable. In that chapter, Chödrön eloquently explains the fallacy in that line of reasoning. One can get just as attached to a life of simplicity as they can to a life of luxury. As she says, "the ego can use anything to re-create itself, whether it's occurrence or spaciousness." Instead, one needs to be able to fully live with the experience of life with all it's challenges, and not be drowned in it. That's how one experiences balance and completeness. And you don't have to be a monk to experience it. In fact, it's almost better not to be, because modern life is a never ending opportunity to practice.
This book is a collection of dharma talks given over the course of a one month retreat. The majority of the talks present sound, practical advice derived from the wisdom her teachers. For at least the first half of the book, there wasn't too much new for an seasoned Buddhist practitioner. But there were a few absolute gems in the second half of the book.
My very favorite was the chapter titled "Not Preferring Samsara or Nirvana". For me (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this), there has always been a tendency to think that if I could live the stress-free life of a monk, my spiritual practice would be so much richer. Or if I just had a simpler life with less responsibilities, that would be preferable. In that chapter, Chödrön eloquently explains the fallacy in that line of reasoning. One can get just as attached to a life of simplicity as they can to a life of luxury. As she says, "the ego can use anything to re-create itself, whether it's occurrence or spaciousness." Instead, one needs to be able to fully live with the experience of life with all it's challenges, and not be drowned in it. That's how one experiences balance and completeness. And you don't have to be a monk to experience it. In fact, it's almost better not to be, because modern life is a never ending opportunity to practice.
October 28, 2019
The four traditional reminders - precious human birth, the truth of impermanence, the law of karma, which is cause and effect, and the futility of continuing to prefer death to life - are the cornerstone of Chödrön's beautiful, honest and deeply empathetic book. She talks from experience, from a warm kind heart and from the point of view of a fellow human who like all of us has and will experience pain and urges the reader to face it rather than escape from it. I especially enjoyed learning from her meditation practice, using the breath to connect with whatever goes on in our minds and that expecting too much from it is what only causes more stress, anxiety and frustration.
It's one of the best books on meditation I've read, written by an author I will reach out again for further reading soon!
It's one of the best books on meditation I've read, written by an author I will reach out again for further reading soon!
April 23, 2023
This is the April 2023 selection of South Austin Spiritual Book Group.
March 18, 2023
Pema’s ability to popularize Buddhist traditions, beliefs and practices is unparalleled. (Thich Nhat Hanh is no slouch in that department, of course.)
Although I might disagree with her about “sticking to one boat” (both Hanh and Krishnamurti, among others, could/should be read!) you won’t find a wiser, kinder, intelligent, delightful and stimulating Buddhist writer than Chödrön.
Most definitely recommended.
"This is probably one of the most amazing tools that you could be given, the ability to just let things go, not to be caught in the grip of your own angry thoughts or passionate thoughts or worried thoughts or depressed thoughts."
"Since you are wholeheartedly committed to the warrior's journey, it pricks you, it pokes you. It's like someone laughing in your ear, challenging you to figure out what to do when you don't know what to do. It humbles you. It opens your heart."
Although I might disagree with her about “sticking to one boat” (both Hanh and Krishnamurti, among others, could/should be read!) you won’t find a wiser, kinder, intelligent, delightful and stimulating Buddhist writer than Chödrön.
Most definitely recommended.
"This is probably one of the most amazing tools that you could be given, the ability to just let things go, not to be caught in the grip of your own angry thoughts or passionate thoughts or worried thoughts or depressed thoughts."
"Since you are wholeheartedly committed to the warrior's journey, it pricks you, it pokes you. It's like someone laughing in your ear, challenging you to figure out what to do when you don't know what to do. It humbles you. It opens your heart."
October 16, 2024
I'm not a spiritual person and generally find spiritual books to be written in abstract and ambiguous ways that make it difficult to grasp.
"It has to do with finding open space, not being covered in armor". What exactly is open space? And how is that the opposite of being covered in armor? I can vaguely assume what they're getting at but the ambiguity made it a dissatisfying read for me.
There's nuggets of wisdom though and the book is not all bad. Just not my cup of tea
"It has to do with finding open space, not being covered in armor". What exactly is open space? And how is that the opposite of being covered in armor? I can vaguely assume what they're getting at but the ambiguity made it a dissatisfying read for me.
There's nuggets of wisdom though and the book is not all bad. Just not my cup of tea
April 19, 2023
Op mijn telefoon staat een widget van Insight timer die me dagelijks een quote laat zien. Zo las ik van Pema Chödrön: “Niets verdwijnt voordat het ons geleerd heeft wat we moeten weten.” Op dat moment zat ik in een moeilijke situatie waaraan ik me lastig kon onttrekken. Dat leidde tot het lezen van ‘The wisdom of no escape’.
“With nowhere to hide, one could more easily hear the teachings (…)” Die lessen zijn overal. In alle situaties, emoties en mensen om ons heen. Je kunt alles in jouw leven gebruiken om wakker te worden. Tijdens sesshins wordt het elke dag geroepen: ‘Word wakker! Verkwansel je leven niet’. Pema zegt hetzelfde:
“Practice as if your hair were on fire.”
“With nowhere to hide, one could more easily hear the teachings (…)” Die lessen zijn overal. In alle situaties, emoties en mensen om ons heen. Je kunt alles in jouw leven gebruiken om wakker te worden. Tijdens sesshins wordt het elke dag geroepen: ‘Word wakker! Verkwansel je leven niet’. Pema zegt hetzelfde:
“Practice as if your hair were on fire.”
October 18, 2007
I read this book right after I crushed my hand and was experiencing nearly constant panic. It reached me through that buzz when nothing else could.
I gave it to my mom to look at when she visited and she borrowed it for like 3 years. I just got it back. I remembered a story about ravens being knocked around in the desert wind, literally holding onto phone lines by their beak and claws. then how they would just let go and play in the fury. there was so much joy and fearlessness in the idea that I held onto the image for years even though I've never seen such a sight personally.
I would say if the words "spiritual path" totally freak you out--you could still read this. Simply stated and fit for regular life. It's good sense in a world that rarely makes any sense at all.
I gave it to my mom to look at when she visited and she borrowed it for like 3 years. I just got it back. I remembered a story about ravens being knocked around in the desert wind, literally holding onto phone lines by their beak and claws. then how they would just let go and play in the fury. there was so much joy and fearlessness in the idea that I held onto the image for years even though I've never seen such a sight personally.
I would say if the words "spiritual path" totally freak you out--you could still read this. Simply stated and fit for regular life. It's good sense in a world that rarely makes any sense at all.
October 8, 2007
I would not call myself a particularly "spiritual" person, but someone who I respect deeply for his ability to treat all things with an even temper gave me this book. While I can't say that I practice this all the time (ha ha ha), I respect the idea that 1) it's important to accept yourself, including all of your glorious faults, 2) all things can teach you something, and 3) we should all try to be a little gentler with ourselves and with others.
October 9, 2020
A book worth coming back to and coming home with. I felt so loved and held while reading the teachings, the sense of opening to the spaciousness around me. I started this book a long time ago, put it aside for some silly reasons - I cherished these teachings so much, that my silly self thought if I finished this book, there would be no new wisdom to learn - and how wrong was I! But I picked it up again while I was going crazy for a job interview, it did magic to my mind.
March 31, 2019
I can see myself reading this again and again.
June 24, 2022
I really am glad that I read this book. It is about loving ourselves so we can be present and loving with others. This means making friends with not only our good traits, but the dark and ugly sides of ourselves as well.
"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we really are."
I love this next quote: "Being satisfied with what we already have is a magical golden key to being alive in the full, unrestricted and inspired way."
We can get so caught up with worries, pains, limitations, desires and fears that we are blind to the beauty of existence.
"Joy has to do with seeing how big, how completely unobstructed and how precious things are. Resenting what happens to you and complaining about your life are like refusing to smell the wild roses when you go for a morning walk."
Now, here's the real truth: can I put all that I read when I am in depression or when I am in the thick of my own negativity? I will do my best!
"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we really are."
I love this next quote: "Being satisfied with what we already have is a magical golden key to being alive in the full, unrestricted and inspired way."
We can get so caught up with worries, pains, limitations, desires and fears that we are blind to the beauty of existence.
"Joy has to do with seeing how big, how completely unobstructed and how precious things are. Resenting what happens to you and complaining about your life are like refusing to smell the wild roses when you go for a morning walk."
Now, here's the real truth: can I put all that I read when I am in depression or when I am in the thick of my own negativity? I will do my best!
August 24, 2025
Goed boek.
October 12, 2020
I really like this book. I find this whole world fascinating. I feel like when I read this book some of the theories or themes don't make sense then as I ponder them it feels like it opens up a whole new way of thinking. I loved the chapter on staying in the boat. I have found my boat. I have gained my testimony of God and Jesus Christ through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is my core foundation. I have learned through small and simple things what I believe. As I contemplate new ideas and thoughts of others I always go back to "my boat" of beliefs and weigh them. I loved that whole idea. I also didn't understand the belief of making one self uncomfortable. As I started thinking about it I understood that when we are out of our comfort zone is when growth happens. I then loved that concept. I want to listen to this over and over.
September 3, 2023
Few things are as nourishing as Pema’s words.
August 2, 2016
There is a trend that seems to be jumping on the yoga for fitness bandwagon, and while this could be a very good thing, from here it appears as rather militaristic and goal orientated. Surely it is foolish of me to worry that these ancient teachings are in danger of being co-opted by the post-modern capitalist agenda. I too love my yoga gear. For now, I can only be grateful for these lessons gathered here from talks given in 1989 by Pema Chodrin, head monk at Gampo Abbey, a Buddhist retreat centre in Eastern Canada founded by Chogyum Trungpa.
In her simple and clear manner there is no beating around the bush as she exemplifies the benefits of the philosophy of mindful lovingkindness, being gentle, precise and open. What is offered here is truly
a much more interesting, kind, adventurous and joyful approach to life p5
given the opportunity of "becoming more playful, rather than more grim"
by adopting an attitude of acceptance and appreciation, cultivating curiosity over manipulative strategies to determine outcome.
Opting for coziness, having that as your prime reason for existing,
becomes a continuous obstacle... p94
When you feel like slumping... sit up p10
In her simple and clear manner there is no beating around the bush as she exemplifies the benefits of the philosophy of mindful lovingkindness, being gentle, precise and open. What is offered here is truly
a much more interesting, kind, adventurous and joyful approach to life p5
given the opportunity of "becoming more playful, rather than more grim"
by adopting an attitude of acceptance and appreciation, cultivating curiosity over manipulative strategies to determine outcome.
Opting for coziness, having that as your prime reason for existing,
becomes a continuous obstacle... p94
When you feel like slumping... sit up p10
January 15, 2022
This book is full of wisdom, and with Powerful thoughts on not running, distracting, or escaping, but sticking with something all the way through, I highly recommend this book
POTENT QUATOATION
Being satisfied with what we already have is a magical golden
key to being alive in a full, unrestricted, and inspired way. One of
the major obstacles to what is traditionally called enlightenment is
resentment, feeling cheated, holding a grudge about who you are,
where you are, what you are. This is why we talk so much about
making friends with ourselves, because, for some reason or other,
we don't feel that kind of satisfaction in a full and complete way
In meditation and in our daily lives there are three qualities that
we can nurture, cultivate, and bring out. We already possess these,
but they can be ripened: precision, gentleness, and the ability to
let go.
Meditation begins to open up your life, so that you're not caught in self-concern, just wanting life to go your way. In that case you no longer realize that you're standing at the center of the world, that you're in the middle of a sacred circle, because you're so concerned with your worries, pains, limitations, desires, and fears that you are blind to the beauty of existence. All you feel by being caught up like this is misery, as well as enormous resentment a life in general. How strange! Life is such a miracle, and a lot of the time we feel only resentment about how it's all working out for us.
friends with your body, speech, mind, and the world that's inside of your circle-your domestic situation, the people you live with, the house you find yourself eating breakfast in every day-the more you appreciate the fact that when you turn on the tap, water comes out. If you have ever lived without water, you really appreciate that. There are all kinds of miracles. Everything is like that, absolutely wonderful.
There are wars all over the world because people are insulted that someone else doesn't agree with their belief system.
Everybody is guilty of it. It's what is called fundamental theism
Buddhism there is a teaching that would seemingly undercut all this, if people would only listen to it. It says, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha." This means that if you can find Buddha and say, "It's this way; Buddha is like this," then you had better kill that "Buddha" that you found, that you can say is like this. Contemplative and mystical Christians, Hin-dus, Jews, people of all faiths and nonfaiths can also have this perspective: if you meet the Christ that can be named, kill that Christ. If you meet the Muhammad or the Jehovah.
Seeing when you justify yourself and when you blame others is not a reason to criticize yourself, but actually an opportunity to recognize what all people do and how it imprisons us in a very limited perspective of this world. It's a chance to see that you're holding on to your interpretation of reality; it allows you to reflect that that's all it is-nothing more, nothing less: just your interpre-tation of reality.
The first noble truth says that if you are alive, if you have a heart, if you can love, if you can be compassion-ate, if you can realize the life energy that makes everything change and move and grow and die, then you won't have any resentment or resistance. The first noble truth says simply that it's part of being human to feel discomfort.The second noble truth says that this resistance is the fundamen-tal operating mechanism of what we call ego, that resisting life causes suffering. the third noble truth says that the cessation of suffering is letting go of holding on to ourselves. By "cessation" we mean the cessation of hell as opposed to just weather, the cessation of this resistance, this resentment, this feeling of being completely trapped and caught, trying to maintain huge ME at any cost.
The essence of the fourth noble truth is the eightfold path.
Everything we do-our discipline, effort, meditation, livelihood, and every single thing that we do from the moment we're born until the moment we die-we can use to help us to realize our unity and our completeness with all things. We can use our lives, in other words, to wake up to the fact that we're not separate: the energy that causes us to live and be whole and awake and alive is just the energy that creates everything, and we're part of that. We can use our lives to connect with that, or we can use them to become resentful, alienated, resistant, angry, bitter. As always, it's up to us.
Stop shopping around and settle down and go deeply into one body of truth." He taught that this continual dabbling around in spiritual things was just another form of materialism, trying to get comfortable, trying to get secure, whereas if you stuck to one boat and really started working with it, it would definitely put you through all your changes. You would meet all your dragons; you would be contin-ually pushed out of the nest. It would be one big initiation rite, and tremendous wisdom would come from that, tremendous heartfelt, genuine spiritual growth and development. One's life would be well spent. He stressed that his students should stop just dabbling in spirituality to try to feel good or get high or be spiritual. He was very cynical and knocked all kinds of "trips
The essence of tonglen practice is that on the in-breath you are willing to feel pain: you're willing to acknowledge the suffering of the world. From this day onward, you're going to cultivate your bravery and willingness to feel that part of the human condition.
You breathe in so that you can really understand what the Buddha meant when he said that the first noble truth is that life is suffering.
What does that mean? With every in-breath, you try to find out by acknowledging the truth of suffering, not as a mistake you made, not as a punishment, but as part of the human condition. With every in-breath, you explore the discomfort of the human con-dition, which can be acknowledged and celebrated and not run away from. Tonglen puts it right on the line.
POTENT QUATOATION
Being satisfied with what we already have is a magical golden
key to being alive in a full, unrestricted, and inspired way. One of
the major obstacles to what is traditionally called enlightenment is
resentment, feeling cheated, holding a grudge about who you are,
where you are, what you are. This is why we talk so much about
making friends with ourselves, because, for some reason or other,
we don't feel that kind of satisfaction in a full and complete way
In meditation and in our daily lives there are three qualities that
we can nurture, cultivate, and bring out. We already possess these,
but they can be ripened: precision, gentleness, and the ability to
let go.
Meditation begins to open up your life, so that you're not caught in self-concern, just wanting life to go your way. In that case you no longer realize that you're standing at the center of the world, that you're in the middle of a sacred circle, because you're so concerned with your worries, pains, limitations, desires, and fears that you are blind to the beauty of existence. All you feel by being caught up like this is misery, as well as enormous resentment a life in general. How strange! Life is such a miracle, and a lot of the time we feel only resentment about how it's all working out for us.
friends with your body, speech, mind, and the world that's inside of your circle-your domestic situation, the people you live with, the house you find yourself eating breakfast in every day-the more you appreciate the fact that when you turn on the tap, water comes out. If you have ever lived without water, you really appreciate that. There are all kinds of miracles. Everything is like that, absolutely wonderful.
There are wars all over the world because people are insulted that someone else doesn't agree with their belief system.
Everybody is guilty of it. It's what is called fundamental theism
Buddhism there is a teaching that would seemingly undercut all this, if people would only listen to it. It says, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha." This means that if you can find Buddha and say, "It's this way; Buddha is like this," then you had better kill that "Buddha" that you found, that you can say is like this. Contemplative and mystical Christians, Hin-dus, Jews, people of all faiths and nonfaiths can also have this perspective: if you meet the Christ that can be named, kill that Christ. If you meet the Muhammad or the Jehovah.
Seeing when you justify yourself and when you blame others is not a reason to criticize yourself, but actually an opportunity to recognize what all people do and how it imprisons us in a very limited perspective of this world. It's a chance to see that you're holding on to your interpretation of reality; it allows you to reflect that that's all it is-nothing more, nothing less: just your interpre-tation of reality.
The first noble truth says that if you are alive, if you have a heart, if you can love, if you can be compassion-ate, if you can realize the life energy that makes everything change and move and grow and die, then you won't have any resentment or resistance. The first noble truth says simply that it's part of being human to feel discomfort.The second noble truth says that this resistance is the fundamen-tal operating mechanism of what we call ego, that resisting life causes suffering. the third noble truth says that the cessation of suffering is letting go of holding on to ourselves. By "cessation" we mean the cessation of hell as opposed to just weather, the cessation of this resistance, this resentment, this feeling of being completely trapped and caught, trying to maintain huge ME at any cost.
The essence of the fourth noble truth is the eightfold path.
Everything we do-our discipline, effort, meditation, livelihood, and every single thing that we do from the moment we're born until the moment we die-we can use to help us to realize our unity and our completeness with all things. We can use our lives, in other words, to wake up to the fact that we're not separate: the energy that causes us to live and be whole and awake and alive is just the energy that creates everything, and we're part of that. We can use our lives to connect with that, or we can use them to become resentful, alienated, resistant, angry, bitter. As always, it's up to us.
Stop shopping around and settle down and go deeply into one body of truth." He taught that this continual dabbling around in spiritual things was just another form of materialism, trying to get comfortable, trying to get secure, whereas if you stuck to one boat and really started working with it, it would definitely put you through all your changes. You would meet all your dragons; you would be contin-ually pushed out of the nest. It would be one big initiation rite, and tremendous wisdom would come from that, tremendous heartfelt, genuine spiritual growth and development. One's life would be well spent. He stressed that his students should stop just dabbling in spirituality to try to feel good or get high or be spiritual. He was very cynical and knocked all kinds of "trips
The essence of tonglen practice is that on the in-breath you are willing to feel pain: you're willing to acknowledge the suffering of the world. From this day onward, you're going to cultivate your bravery and willingness to feel that part of the human condition.
You breathe in so that you can really understand what the Buddha meant when he said that the first noble truth is that life is suffering.
What does that mean? With every in-breath, you try to find out by acknowledging the truth of suffering, not as a mistake you made, not as a punishment, but as part of the human condition. With every in-breath, you explore the discomfort of the human con-dition, which can be acknowledged and celebrated and not run away from. Tonglen puts it right on the line.
August 12, 2025
if you like this review, i now have website: www.michaelkamakana.com
230212: do not really have much to add to enthusiastic reviews, to reviews of previous pema chodron books (5), except to reaffirm how much I love her work. simple but not simplistic, direct, clear. she follows tibetan lineage, not the zen of Tich Naht Hanh, so it is more accessible to westerners. she explains ideas, experiences, of everything from loving-kindness, to precision, kindness, letting go, to the wisdom of no-escape that leads to meditation, to the four reminders of how fortunate all of us humans are (precious birth, impermanence, karma, futility of samsara). beautiful work...
230212: do not really have much to add to enthusiastic reviews, to reviews of previous pema chodron books (5), except to reaffirm how much I love her work. simple but not simplistic, direct, clear. she follows tibetan lineage, not the zen of Tich Naht Hanh, so it is more accessible to westerners. she explains ideas, experiences, of everything from loving-kindness, to precision, kindness, letting go, to the wisdom of no-escape that leads to meditation, to the four reminders of how fortunate all of us humans are (precious birth, impermanence, karma, futility of samsara). beautiful work...
April 27, 2013
very approachable teachings. perfect timing for the practice of tonglen and for the definition of "bardo"--"you've left the shore, but you haven't arrived anywhere yet. You don't know where you're going, and you've been out there at sea long enough that you only have a vague memory of where you came from. you've left home, you've become homeless...that's called the bardo, in-between." "not quite here, not quite there, just hanging out in this sort of uneasy space and having to sit with it hour after hour....label it 'thinking'" (and let it go.) good stuff here for practice in easily understood lessons.
February 24, 2021
Don’t get me wrong - this book is really still very good. But what it is comprised of is talks from Pema that she’s given on a retreat at Gampo Abbey. They are still full of wisdom, and I found great comfort in their pages, but it felt more like an extra feature, or side dish to her other books - which are richer and more detailed. There was a lot of repetition in these talks from books I’d read before, and whilst useful to get that info hammered home - I just didn’t enjoy it as much as her others. I’m very excited to read ‘Unwelcoming the Unwelcome’ next; which I imagine will return to the format that works more for me.
It did make me want to go on a retreat.
It did make me want to go on a retreat.
August 19, 2016
My second time reading this. First time was in Victoria, borrowed directly from the Shambhala Centre. It blew my mind.
March 4, 2023
This is another great book by the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodrön. She is one of the few authors, all of whose books I feel I need to read.
The talks in the book were given during a dathun (one-month practice period) in the spring of 1989.
The dathun took place in Gampo Abbey, a Buddhist monastery located on Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia.
We learn the meditation technique presented by Chogyan Trungpa, both the sitting meditation, walking meditation and eating meditation (oryoti).
The participants were encouraged and inspired to remain ”wholeheartedly awake” to everything that occurred and to use the material of daily life as their primary teacher.
During the dathun, the participants kept the five monastic vows: not to lie, not to steal, not to engage in sexual activity, not to take life, and not to use alcohol or drugs.
Pema deals with loving-kindness (maitri). Loving-kindness towards ourselves does not mean trying to change ourselves. “It’s about befriending who we are already.”
The path of meditation has to do with curiosity or inquisitiveness, which involves being gentle, precise and open.
We need to be satisfied with what we already have. “We need to become more awake to who we are.”
“The ground of loving-kindness is this sense of satisfaction with who we are and what we have.”
In meditation and in our daily life there are three qualities that we can nurture and cultivate – precision, gentleness and the ability to let go.
The technique is, firstly, to take good posture and, second, to become mindful of your out-breath, your ordinary out-breath.
Be with the breath as it goes out, feel the breath go out, touch the breath as it goes out.
When you’ve been thinking, say to yourself “thinking”.
We emphasize not only precision but gentleness.
The moment when you label your thoughts “thinking” is the key place where you cultivate gentleness, sympathy, and loving-kindness.
If you find your body or mind tensing, relax it.
The third aspect of the technique is the quality of opening or letting go. This is not so easy. But it is something that happens as a result of working with precision and gentleness.
Pema says we must come back to the present moment as much as we can, follow the out-breath, label our thoughts “thinking”, come back to the present moment, acknowledge what’s going on in our mind.
“The message is that each of us has all that it takes to become fully enlightened.”
She tells us that a German woman, Sister Ayya Khema, a Theravadin nun from Sri Lanka, came to visit them and led a Vipashana retreat. She emphasized joy, while Pema herself emphasized suffering.
In the retreat, Ayya Khema taught them that each of them had in their heart a joy that was accessible to them. “Joy is like a soft spring rain that allows us to lighten up, to enjoy ourselves, and therefore it’s a whole new way of looking at suffering.”.
Joy has to do with seeing how precious things are. The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.
Resenting what happens to you and complaining about your life are like refusing to smell the wild roses when you go for a morning walk.
“Resentment, bitterness, and holding a grudge prevent us from seeing and hearing and tasting and delighting.”
Pema tells us that one of Trungpa Rinpoche’s main teachings was “”You can do it.” You can connect with the joy in your heart.
“Acknowledging the preciousness of each day is a good way to live, a good way to connect with our basic joy.””
Mindfulness is loving all the details of our lives, and “awareness is the natural thing that happens”.
We are always standing at the centre of the world.
Through giving loving kindness to our speech and our actions, we begin to realize this.
Wherever we go for the rest of our life, we’re always in the middle of the universe and the sacred circle is always around us.
Whoever comes into the sacred space around us is there to teach us.
Meditation begins to open up our life so we’re not caught in self-concern, just wanting life to go our way.
Rinpoche would often talk about nowness. If you want to obtain enlightenment, you have to do it now.
The more we open our heart and make friends with our body and our domestic situation, the more we appreciate everything. Everything is absolutely wonderful.
Mindfulness trains you to be awake and alive. “The key is now. Whatever we’re doing, we’re doing it now.”
“There isn’t any hell or heaven except for how we relate to our world. Hell is just resistance to life.”
What I have written above will give you an idea of what the book is about and whether or not you might like to read it.
Personally, I strongly recommend you read all Pema Chodron’s books.
The talks in the book were given during a dathun (one-month practice period) in the spring of 1989.
The dathun took place in Gampo Abbey, a Buddhist monastery located on Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia.
We learn the meditation technique presented by Chogyan Trungpa, both the sitting meditation, walking meditation and eating meditation (oryoti).
The participants were encouraged and inspired to remain ”wholeheartedly awake” to everything that occurred and to use the material of daily life as their primary teacher.
During the dathun, the participants kept the five monastic vows: not to lie, not to steal, not to engage in sexual activity, not to take life, and not to use alcohol or drugs.
Pema deals with loving-kindness (maitri). Loving-kindness towards ourselves does not mean trying to change ourselves. “It’s about befriending who we are already.”
The path of meditation has to do with curiosity or inquisitiveness, which involves being gentle, precise and open.
We need to be satisfied with what we already have. “We need to become more awake to who we are.”
“The ground of loving-kindness is this sense of satisfaction with who we are and what we have.”
In meditation and in our daily life there are three qualities that we can nurture and cultivate – precision, gentleness and the ability to let go.
The technique is, firstly, to take good posture and, second, to become mindful of your out-breath, your ordinary out-breath.
Be with the breath as it goes out, feel the breath go out, touch the breath as it goes out.
When you’ve been thinking, say to yourself “thinking”.
We emphasize not only precision but gentleness.
The moment when you label your thoughts “thinking” is the key place where you cultivate gentleness, sympathy, and loving-kindness.
If you find your body or mind tensing, relax it.
The third aspect of the technique is the quality of opening or letting go. This is not so easy. But it is something that happens as a result of working with precision and gentleness.
Pema says we must come back to the present moment as much as we can, follow the out-breath, label our thoughts “thinking”, come back to the present moment, acknowledge what’s going on in our mind.
“The message is that each of us has all that it takes to become fully enlightened.”
She tells us that a German woman, Sister Ayya Khema, a Theravadin nun from Sri Lanka, came to visit them and led a Vipashana retreat. She emphasized joy, while Pema herself emphasized suffering.
In the retreat, Ayya Khema taught them that each of them had in their heart a joy that was accessible to them. “Joy is like a soft spring rain that allows us to lighten up, to enjoy ourselves, and therefore it’s a whole new way of looking at suffering.”.
Joy has to do with seeing how precious things are. The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.
Resenting what happens to you and complaining about your life are like refusing to smell the wild roses when you go for a morning walk.
“Resentment, bitterness, and holding a grudge prevent us from seeing and hearing and tasting and delighting.”
Pema tells us that one of Trungpa Rinpoche’s main teachings was “”You can do it.” You can connect with the joy in your heart.
“Acknowledging the preciousness of each day is a good way to live, a good way to connect with our basic joy.””
Mindfulness is loving all the details of our lives, and “awareness is the natural thing that happens”.
We are always standing at the centre of the world.
Through giving loving kindness to our speech and our actions, we begin to realize this.
Wherever we go for the rest of our life, we’re always in the middle of the universe and the sacred circle is always around us.
Whoever comes into the sacred space around us is there to teach us.
Meditation begins to open up our life so we’re not caught in self-concern, just wanting life to go our way.
Rinpoche would often talk about nowness. If you want to obtain enlightenment, you have to do it now.
The more we open our heart and make friends with our body and our domestic situation, the more we appreciate everything. Everything is absolutely wonderful.
Mindfulness trains you to be awake and alive. “The key is now. Whatever we’re doing, we’re doing it now.”
“There isn’t any hell or heaven except for how we relate to our world. Hell is just resistance to life.”
What I have written above will give you an idea of what the book is about and whether or not you might like to read it.
Personally, I strongly recommend you read all Pema Chodron’s books.
November 23, 2022
'We don't meditate in order to throw ourselves away and become something better, instead, we make friends with who we actually are.'
I love Pema a lot, I always find my way back to her and I always find what I am looking for, great works feel like they were written for you personally.
This book feels like that doubly so.
. PC's central point is that all this stuff is about developing genuine compassion/Lovingkindness/Maitri for ourselves, and thereby for the other living beings of our world. Nothing here about floating around under the ceiling, holding your breath for an hour and a half...or finally coming to THE TRUE RELIGION...or THE TRUE BUDDHISM, either.
It is so simple to give me this loving kindness as I sit with the feeling and then let it go. This is a MUST-READ. Stay open to the concepts. Allow this to minister to your spirit as it has mine!
Happy Reading!
I love Pema a lot, I always find my way back to her and I always find what I am looking for, great works feel like they were written for you personally.
This book feels like that doubly so.
. PC's central point is that all this stuff is about developing genuine compassion/Lovingkindness/Maitri for ourselves, and thereby for the other living beings of our world. Nothing here about floating around under the ceiling, holding your breath for an hour and a half...or finally coming to THE TRUE RELIGION...or THE TRUE BUDDHISM, either.
It is so simple to give me this loving kindness as I sit with the feeling and then let it go. This is a MUST-READ. Stay open to the concepts. Allow this to minister to your spirit as it has mine!
Happy Reading!
July 2, 2025
Food for thought – I particularly like Chödrön’s meditations on gratitude, reminding us of how much worse things could be. The focus on the in-breath and out-breath is also a helpful approach to meditation – breathe in to focus on suffering, out to focus on joy. Unfortunately, the book is limited as a series of lectures – this is 301-level stuff (Chödrön is speaking to monks), so the nuances of core Buddhist concepts went over this freshman’s head. Several of Chödrön’s ideas read to me as rationalizations for lib-style inaction. Her assertion that we should embrace the moment even as the tanks are rolling in – rather than working together to fight back – simply does not survive scrutiny. If everyone embraced this mentality, there would still be slavery, child labor, and countless other horrors. Started this Buddhism-curious; think I no longer am.
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