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Reparation: A Spiritual Journey
A free-spirited university student, Maria’s life stretches before her like a wonderful adventure. It is New Zealand in the mid-seventies and Maria wants to make music, serve the Lord and spread her wings far beyond the safe familiarity of her homeland.
Then, the unthinkable happens: a callous act resulting in an impossible choice that shapes the rest of her life. Heartbroken and in need of a miracle, Maria seeks absolution as a Carmelite nun in the dark, silent cloisters of the Palmarian Catholic Church, one of the world’s most secretive and controversial religious orders.
This is the true story of one woman’s journey from the sweeping coastlines of New Zealand to the barren plains of Southern Spain, from youthful hope to deep despair, and from sin to reparation.
Then, the unthinkable happens: a callous act resulting in an impossible choice that shapes the rest of her life. Heartbroken and in need of a miracle, Maria seeks absolution as a Carmelite nun in the dark, silent cloisters of the Palmarian Catholic Church, one of the world’s most secretive and controversial religious orders.
This is the true story of one woman’s journey from the sweeping coastlines of New Zealand to the barren plains of Southern Spain, from youthful hope to deep despair, and from sin to reparation.
- GenresMemoirInspirational
209 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 9, 2015
86 people are currently reading
95 people want to read
About the author
Maria Hall
2 books10 followersMaria Hall was born into an Irish Catholic family in Auckland, New Zealand.
After leaving school, she completed a Bachelor of Music at Auckland University and a Diploma of Teaching at Auckland College of Education, before studying Theology and Scripture at Chanel Institute (Auckland) and Yarra Theological College (Melbourne, Australia).
Her decision to enter the convent took her around the world. She now lives on Auckland’s North Shore with her partner, Nicholas.
After leaving school, she completed a Bachelor of Music at Auckland University and a Diploma of Teaching at Auckland College of Education, before studying Theology and Scripture at Chanel Institute (Auckland) and Yarra Theological College (Melbourne, Australia).
Her decision to enter the convent took her around the world. She now lives on Auckland’s North Shore with her partner, Nicholas.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
December 10, 2016
'Reparation' is a story about faith, courage and finally, disillusionment. The book is a fascinating insight into the life of a Carmelite nun who is often bullied, ignored and down trodden. Maria though manages to face all that is thrown at her until she eventually leaves the religious order after losing her faith. Not before time I would hasten to add.
The book is beautifully written and is a very fine accomplishment by a talented author.
The book is beautifully written and is a very fine accomplishment by a talented author.
September 30, 2016
This was the first memoir I have ever read and I am so glad I have come across it. This book opened a window into the world that up until now was a complete mystery to me. And yet, the problems the author faced were very much human and relatable. These two factors made the memoir fascinating to read. The raw emotion of this book pulled me in from page one and I found that I couldn't put it down until the very last page. What I found the most inspiring was the author's strength of character and positive outlook. Even in the face of adversity, she never gave up and strived to move forward, to follow her calling, to come to terms with the past. The memoir was a real eye opener about the way of life I knew nothing about. Thanks to this very personal and moving account, it was as if I was able to glimpse this unfamiliar world through the author's eyes. I would recommend this book to everyone who enjoys powerful, emotional and beautifully written stories of strength and survival.
January 23, 2018
I think all spiritual journeys are in a sense paved amidst land mines of human flaws. This author's journey might have been even more so. It seemed like one disappointment after the other. And, why do we stay in situations? It could be a religion, a marriage, a job... In this case, the Catholic religion. It almost seemed destined in this particular situation, a mother who lives for the Catholic Church and a father who follows his wive's lead.
In the end, hopefully we are stronger, after negotiating our particular paths of land mines. The author, as this is a memoir, seems to have come out of it a stronger person.
In the end, hopefully we are stronger, after negotiating our particular paths of land mines. The author, as this is a memoir, seems to have come out of it a stronger person.
December 20, 2019
What we have here, is nothing but Modern Slavery!
Maria gives up a promising career as a music teacher to become a nun. It’s a tough life, but two or three years into her religious vocation at Sacred Heart Order (spoiler alert here) she’s raped by a man she meets on the street, although she refuses to accept it as such because “rape involves dark alleys, broken bottles, drugs and prostitution,” and can’t possibly take place in cars or in someone’s flat. And even though she told him to stop and found the whole experiences excruciatingly painful and humiliating, she still refuses to view it as rape. I used the word ‘experiences’ in the plural because she goes back to be raped a second time!
Maria, as you can tell, is blessed with more than her fair share of inexperience and naiveté
Well, we could hardly have a pregnant nun, could we? So Maria leaves the Sacred Heart Order, telling them she was mistaken about her religious vocation, and goes home to give birth, immediately putting the baby up for adoption, mainly because of the embarrassment of being an unmarried mother in her small (and very religious) New Zealand community. It’s all very sad.
After reading about four Spanish schoolgirls who in 1968 saw an apparition of the Virgin Mary by a little tree on some farmland in El Palmar de Troya (46km south of Seville), Maria sets out to join the Carmelite nuns in Spain, or to give them their full name, The Order of Carmelites of the Holy Face.
Jesus suffered and died to show the extent of God’s infinite love. And they believe that once they’ve taken their final vows – of poverty, chastity and obedience - they are then brides of Christ. Maria struggles with chastity. It’s meant to free the heart in a very significant way so that it may be more inflamed with the love of God. It is the pinnacle of virtue, or so she’s led to believe, but emptying herself of any sexual desire doesn’t come easy for Maria, and it seems her body has feelings all of its own. She finds herself angry with God because he does little to “quench the fire” at night in her bed.
Maria’s having a tough time of it, but priests, brothers and nuns have been taking vows of chastity for centuries, and if they can do it then why can’t she? She is, however, refreshingly candid about this side of being a nun, and I would imagine she’s not the first nun to have struggled with this
However, the Order of Carmelites is much more challenging than simply refraining from sexual conduct. The nuns are forbidden to speak unnecessarily, and certainly can’t converse in any normal way. They answer the Mother Superior, “Si Madre,” every time she speaks to them, whether they understand or agree with their orders. They’re only permitted, for the most part, four hours sleep per night, with a light blanket and an open window, making it sometimes impossible to sleep because of the cold, and they often have to pray brazos en cruz; that is, with their arms extended like Jesus on the cross, hour after hour, night after night.
At one stage, Maria breaks the rules, just a minor transgression, and is forced to eat all her meals for a week on her knees on the stone floor in the eating area.
The nuns might believe that by doing this they’re doing battle with the powers of evil, they believe that suffering is glory, but by this stage in the book I’m starting to get suspicious of the whole set-up. This is modern slavery, and the nuns are being tortured. The most effective form of slavery is when the slaves don’t know they’re slaves, and none of these nuns would admit to being slaves …... but they are
The Order of Carmelites of the Holy Face are, it seems to me, nothing but a cult.
By the time I was 65% into the book I just had to find out more about this, relying on my old friends Google and Wikipedia.
The Carmelite nuns were established by a fellow called Clemente, a well-known Seville drag queen, who was known as La Voltio, the She-Volt, in Seville gay circles. He claimed God had spoken to him in a vision, and then went on to have stacks more visions, telling anyone who cared to listen that Jesus had advised him, “You shall be the Peter to come.” He had a vision of himself being crowned Pope by Jesus, so quick as a bunny rabbit he declared himself Pope, although unsurprisingly this was disputed by the Spanish Roman Catholic hierarchy.
Unbelievably, though, some weak souls, Maria included, believed him and signed up for this nutty cult
As I studied Clemente some more, I found myself detecting no small amount of arrogance and, dare I say it, lunacy in his makeup. He took the name Gregory, and 20 years after Maria entered the order admitted to molesting priests and nuns. He went on to write a Book of Rules, which he claims was dictated to Pope Gregory by God himself!
And still they believed him!
And by the way, in eight years this was the only thing Maria could read.
There are many scandals surrounding the Catholic Church and despite Pope Gregory intoning fire-and-brimstone sermons, he has recently admitted to the press that the whole thing was a farce, created to satisfy his own tastes for obscure sexuality, not to mention money, for while the nuns lived in extreme poverty, he was making millions out of it!
Maria, whose name was changed to Hermana Maria Paloma, had been brainwashed with manipulative religious texts, and, being the innocent that she was, allowed her spirit of religious vocation to appeal to her sense of purity and sacrifice
After eight long years, the last few she suffers excruciating pain to the back of the head, but is not permitted to see a doctor, Maria decides that she has punished her body enough, crucified her mind enough, and purified her soul enough. Her fellow nuns have “been companions on a spiritual journey, united in a religious belief.” They’ve shed blood for the cause.
But they haven’t, of course, they’ve simply been modern slaves, and in eight torturous years have made very little contribution to society. Humiliation, rectification, extreme discipline and contempt has silenced Maria’s voice, and pounded her psyche. She’s left disturbed and with serious mental health issues. Maria finally decides that enough is enough.
This is an incredibly sad tale of life on the inside. It’s a story that needs to be told and I commend Maria for her bravery in sharing her wasted years with us
The book, however, is quite captivating. This is in no small part due to her refreshing candour, and for these reasons I give it a 5 Star.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
Maria gives up a promising career as a music teacher to become a nun. It’s a tough life, but two or three years into her religious vocation at Sacred Heart Order (spoiler alert here) she’s raped by a man she meets on the street, although she refuses to accept it as such because “rape involves dark alleys, broken bottles, drugs and prostitution,” and can’t possibly take place in cars or in someone’s flat. And even though she told him to stop and found the whole experiences excruciatingly painful and humiliating, she still refuses to view it as rape. I used the word ‘experiences’ in the plural because she goes back to be raped a second time!
Maria, as you can tell, is blessed with more than her fair share of inexperience and naiveté
Well, we could hardly have a pregnant nun, could we? So Maria leaves the Sacred Heart Order, telling them she was mistaken about her religious vocation, and goes home to give birth, immediately putting the baby up for adoption, mainly because of the embarrassment of being an unmarried mother in her small (and very religious) New Zealand community. It’s all very sad.
After reading about four Spanish schoolgirls who in 1968 saw an apparition of the Virgin Mary by a little tree on some farmland in El Palmar de Troya (46km south of Seville), Maria sets out to join the Carmelite nuns in Spain, or to give them their full name, The Order of Carmelites of the Holy Face.
Jesus suffered and died to show the extent of God’s infinite love. And they believe that once they’ve taken their final vows – of poverty, chastity and obedience - they are then brides of Christ. Maria struggles with chastity. It’s meant to free the heart in a very significant way so that it may be more inflamed with the love of God. It is the pinnacle of virtue, or so she’s led to believe, but emptying herself of any sexual desire doesn’t come easy for Maria, and it seems her body has feelings all of its own. She finds herself angry with God because he does little to “quench the fire” at night in her bed.
Maria’s having a tough time of it, but priests, brothers and nuns have been taking vows of chastity for centuries, and if they can do it then why can’t she? She is, however, refreshingly candid about this side of being a nun, and I would imagine she’s not the first nun to have struggled with this
However, the Order of Carmelites is much more challenging than simply refraining from sexual conduct. The nuns are forbidden to speak unnecessarily, and certainly can’t converse in any normal way. They answer the Mother Superior, “Si Madre,” every time she speaks to them, whether they understand or agree with their orders. They’re only permitted, for the most part, four hours sleep per night, with a light blanket and an open window, making it sometimes impossible to sleep because of the cold, and they often have to pray brazos en cruz; that is, with their arms extended like Jesus on the cross, hour after hour, night after night.
At one stage, Maria breaks the rules, just a minor transgression, and is forced to eat all her meals for a week on her knees on the stone floor in the eating area.
The nuns might believe that by doing this they’re doing battle with the powers of evil, they believe that suffering is glory, but by this stage in the book I’m starting to get suspicious of the whole set-up. This is modern slavery, and the nuns are being tortured. The most effective form of slavery is when the slaves don’t know they’re slaves, and none of these nuns would admit to being slaves …... but they are
The Order of Carmelites of the Holy Face are, it seems to me, nothing but a cult.
By the time I was 65% into the book I just had to find out more about this, relying on my old friends Google and Wikipedia.
The Carmelite nuns were established by a fellow called Clemente, a well-known Seville drag queen, who was known as La Voltio, the She-Volt, in Seville gay circles. He claimed God had spoken to him in a vision, and then went on to have stacks more visions, telling anyone who cared to listen that Jesus had advised him, “You shall be the Peter to come.” He had a vision of himself being crowned Pope by Jesus, so quick as a bunny rabbit he declared himself Pope, although unsurprisingly this was disputed by the Spanish Roman Catholic hierarchy.
Unbelievably, though, some weak souls, Maria included, believed him and signed up for this nutty cult
As I studied Clemente some more, I found myself detecting no small amount of arrogance and, dare I say it, lunacy in his makeup. He took the name Gregory, and 20 years after Maria entered the order admitted to molesting priests and nuns. He went on to write a Book of Rules, which he claims was dictated to Pope Gregory by God himself!
And still they believed him!
And by the way, in eight years this was the only thing Maria could read.
There are many scandals surrounding the Catholic Church and despite Pope Gregory intoning fire-and-brimstone sermons, he has recently admitted to the press that the whole thing was a farce, created to satisfy his own tastes for obscure sexuality, not to mention money, for while the nuns lived in extreme poverty, he was making millions out of it!
Maria, whose name was changed to Hermana Maria Paloma, had been brainwashed with manipulative religious texts, and, being the innocent that she was, allowed her spirit of religious vocation to appeal to her sense of purity and sacrifice
After eight long years, the last few she suffers excruciating pain to the back of the head, but is not permitted to see a doctor, Maria decides that she has punished her body enough, crucified her mind enough, and purified her soul enough. Her fellow nuns have “been companions on a spiritual journey, united in a religious belief.” They’ve shed blood for the cause.
But they haven’t, of course, they’ve simply been modern slaves, and in eight torturous years have made very little contribution to society. Humiliation, rectification, extreme discipline and contempt has silenced Maria’s voice, and pounded her psyche. She’s left disturbed and with serious mental health issues. Maria finally decides that enough is enough.
This is an incredibly sad tale of life on the inside. It’s a story that needs to be told and I commend Maria for her bravery in sharing her wasted years with us
The book, however, is quite captivating. This is in no small part due to her refreshing candour, and for these reasons I give it a 5 Star.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
February 24, 2017
From the very beginning of Maria's story, I was drawn into her mind, her emotions, her thoughts and her life. An innocent dutiful daughter who is bullied by her mother and encouraged by a priest to become a nun. I felt that Maria was young in heart for her age and wanted to please and not be rebellious. This mind set led her into years of self denial of herself, her true identity and her personality. The years spent in the Palmarian church were to me akin to being in prison or a prisoner of war camp. The post traumatic stress disorder she suffered was evident, both physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was cheering for Maria when she finally broke free although it took years for her to fully overcome her trauma. An absolutely compelling read, well written and touches you on every level. Thank you for sharing your story Maria, for your honesty and courage. I am thrilled that you found yourself and happiness in the end.
December 13, 2018
Reparation : A Spiritual Journey by author Maria Hall is a fast-paced, matter-of-fact, memoir that draws the reader into a quest to maintain faith while constantly being challenged by life, family and purpose.
Living in New Zealand, Maria is propositioned at a young age by her confessor to pursue the life of a nun. She agrees and finds an unhappy beginning and a great deal of friction in the Palmarian branch of the Catholic Church. In Australia, she falls into the hands of a stranger by which she becomes pregnant. The child is birthed in secret and placed for adoption. Maria goes to Spain to continue her perceived calling as a Carmelite nun. She is lonely most of the time. The work is rigorous and the trials many.
The story covers a lot of ground, a whole life, so there is no dwelling on the events from an emotional point of view. Right when you think you'll find tears, the writer takes you onto the next trial, the next situation. It would have been interesting to see some of those moments explored in greater depth, but it is a story of a lifetime and such additions would have swelled the book considerably. It seems an appropriate length for what the writer was trying to communicate.
I really enjoyed the book and got a wonderful education from it. The author has considerable knowledge of her subject, a subject I knew very little about going in.
Living in New Zealand, Maria is propositioned at a young age by her confessor to pursue the life of a nun. She agrees and finds an unhappy beginning and a great deal of friction in the Palmarian branch of the Catholic Church. In Australia, she falls into the hands of a stranger by which she becomes pregnant. The child is birthed in secret and placed for adoption. Maria goes to Spain to continue her perceived calling as a Carmelite nun. She is lonely most of the time. The work is rigorous and the trials many.
The story covers a lot of ground, a whole life, so there is no dwelling on the events from an emotional point of view. Right when you think you'll find tears, the writer takes you onto the next trial, the next situation. It would have been interesting to see some of those moments explored in greater depth, but it is a story of a lifetime and such additions would have swelled the book considerably. It seems an appropriate length for what the writer was trying to communicate.
I really enjoyed the book and got a wonderful education from it. The author has considerable knowledge of her subject, a subject I knew very little about going in.
February 21, 2017
An amazing memoir, beautifully written, a powerful story.
I was reading another book at the time I started this. I just had a quick dip in it to take a look-the fact that the author is an ex-nun intrigued me and I wanted to know more. I just had to keep on reading and I couldn't put it down! I finished it in a couple of days. She has an amazing story to tell, but wow does she know how to tell it and keep you engrossed. It's beautifully written. So emotional, so powerful.
Profound. A memoir which will really make you think, and feel. You can't fail to be touched by this and remember it for a long time after you've read it. An amazing memoir which absolutely blew me away.
I was reading another book at the time I started this. I just had a quick dip in it to take a look-the fact that the author is an ex-nun intrigued me and I wanted to know more. I just had to keep on reading and I couldn't put it down! I finished it in a couple of days. She has an amazing story to tell, but wow does she know how to tell it and keep you engrossed. It's beautifully written. So emotional, so powerful.
Profound. A memoir which will really make you think, and feel. You can't fail to be touched by this and remember it for a long time after you've read it. An amazing memoir which absolutely blew me away.
April 30, 2016
Memoir is one of my favorite genres, and this one certainly didn’t disappoint! Let me begin by saying that I’m Jewish, so for me it was very interesting and intriguing to finally learn new things about the Roman Catholic religion and its ‘sectarian’ (as some people refer to it) branch – the Palmarian Church, which even has its own Pope.
Maria’s path was definitely not an easy one, and from the sheltered and innocent young woman studying theology and getting ready to become a nun, she soon finds herself a victim of truly horrible circumstances. Blaming herself for everything that happened, Maria is trying to make peace with herself, or better say, punish herself, and joins a mysterious Palmarian Church, deep in Spain.
Following Maria’s experiences in the Church, seeing the inside functioning and principles of the abbey was an incredibly eye-opening experience. I commend the protagonist’s strength for actually being capable to stay there for such a long time, despite what most of us would call the inhumane conditions (no medicine allowed since one has to suffer through their pain is just one example).
The saddest part for me was Maria’s bitter disappointment in what she believed to be the place where the love for God and humanity should have been the priority while the love and compassion were the furthest things from everyone’s mind. I absolutely loved the ending, I’m not going to give it away, but I was extremely happy for Maria for finally making amends with herself. A highly recommended read!
Maria’s path was definitely not an easy one, and from the sheltered and innocent young woman studying theology and getting ready to become a nun, she soon finds herself a victim of truly horrible circumstances. Blaming herself for everything that happened, Maria is trying to make peace with herself, or better say, punish herself, and joins a mysterious Palmarian Church, deep in Spain.
Following Maria’s experiences in the Church, seeing the inside functioning and principles of the abbey was an incredibly eye-opening experience. I commend the protagonist’s strength for actually being capable to stay there for such a long time, despite what most of us would call the inhumane conditions (no medicine allowed since one has to suffer through their pain is just one example).
The saddest part for me was Maria’s bitter disappointment in what she believed to be the place where the love for God and humanity should have been the priority while the love and compassion were the furthest things from everyone’s mind. I absolutely loved the ending, I’m not going to give it away, but I was extremely happy for Maria for finally making amends with herself. A highly recommended read!
April 23, 2017
I am writing my review of this book only half an hour after finishing it. After only two chapters, I was completely hooked and finished it in just over a day. The author is brave enough to write of some deeply personal details of her life and we follow her journey to find her place, spiritual peace and acceptance in a world she was removed from for many years. Based on her experiences in the traditional Catholic Church and then in the Palmarian Catholic Church in Spain, Maria Hall allows us to share her deepest fears, her guilt and her confusion in a stultifying and isolated community of Carmelite nuns in Seville in the second half of last century. Her journey is a profound one, her road to reparation is at times very difficult to understand and accept, and her eventual lifestyle is a gentle relief for both the author and her reader.
September 14, 2018
Maria Hall grew up in New Zealand in a family of devout Roman Catholics. She followed what she thought was her destiny and became a nun, after gaining degrees in both music and teaching.
Sadly, she had to leave her vocation when she finds herself in a personal crisis.
Convinced of her need for reparation, Maria becomes a Carmelite nun in the Palmarian Catholic Church in Southern Spain.
I read of the hardships she endured with disbelief, and could not equate them with a kind and loving God. I felt so very sad for the young Maria, who is innocent and trusting, and applauded the woman she has become, despite the hardships she has endured.
This is a well written and incredibly powerful memoir that I can highly recommend.
Sadly, she had to leave her vocation when she finds herself in a personal crisis.
Convinced of her need for reparation, Maria becomes a Carmelite nun in the Palmarian Catholic Church in Southern Spain.
I read of the hardships she endured with disbelief, and could not equate them with a kind and loving God. I felt so very sad for the young Maria, who is innocent and trusting, and applauded the woman she has become, despite the hardships she has endured.
This is a well written and incredibly powerful memoir that I can highly recommend.
May 29, 2019
Personally, I felt it took courage to write this book - I wasn't sure it was 'going to be for me' as it's different to my usual 'go to book' - have to say I found it well-written, informative and quite scary at times (parts of the author's story left me feeling quite cold) - thanks to the author for sharing her story.
September 22, 2020
I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir about Maria Hall, even though I am not Catholic and I was very unfamiliar with the ways of the Catholic church and the nuns. Nonetheless, Maria Hall's journey and what she went through was very inspiring. Seeing how she battled her own "demons" and how much she put into her prayers and her faith really was encouraging and inspiring to me as a woman of faith.
June 16, 2016
EXCELLENT
I suspect there will be some readers who will not appreciate the mind set of Maria as she tries for years to make reparation for the ‘sin’ she committed in her early twenties. I understood it perfectly, her desperation for approval, for God’s love for a sense of worth. Despite being a highly educated woman, she was so naive in other ways – not her fault but a combination of her parents who did not prepare her for modern life and the church with many outdated attitudes towards women and their worth. I was astounded at the lengths she went to in penance for something that was hardly her fault. I felt for her and I felt a lot of anger at how she was treated. If I am being a little vague here, it’s because I don’t want to give any spoilers. I have nothing but admiration for this woman and besides her many other talents, in music, running a business, caring for her parents, and showing the compassion and love which those who in effect abused her, she can also write. It is one of those books I began and did not stop until the final page and then went on to research. I only wish I could give it 6 stars.
I suspect there will be some readers who will not appreciate the mind set of Maria as she tries for years to make reparation for the ‘sin’ she committed in her early twenties. I understood it perfectly, her desperation for approval, for God’s love for a sense of worth. Despite being a highly educated woman, she was so naive in other ways – not her fault but a combination of her parents who did not prepare her for modern life and the church with many outdated attitudes towards women and their worth. I was astounded at the lengths she went to in penance for something that was hardly her fault. I felt for her and I felt a lot of anger at how she was treated. If I am being a little vague here, it’s because I don’t want to give any spoilers. I have nothing but admiration for this woman and besides her many other talents, in music, running a business, caring for her parents, and showing the compassion and love which those who in effect abused her, she can also write. It is one of those books I began and did not stop until the final page and then went on to research. I only wish I could give it 6 stars.
December 1, 2016
The book got off to a rough start for me. Inside of one chapter, the heroine is faced with the novel prospect of living the rest of her life as a nun, something she has never considered doing before, and voila, she’s instantly taken by the idea and decides to upturn her life. I just didn’t buy it; it didn’t seem realistic. What’s more, she had been living up until that time under the strict, overbearing governance of her mother, who was more of a drill sergeant, forcing a religious life down the throat of her child, and doing it in such an oppressive manner, that most anyone would be turned away from a religious life after having it literally beat into one. So why invite more torture on yourself by becoming a nun? Once again the author was striking out with me on the believability front. Keep in mind also that as part of narrative structure and the rules of classic storytelling, the hero/heroine typically refuses the call to duty several times before ultimately giving into the idea, which is what ultimately sets up act 2.
But for the very eyebrow raising first chapter, I found myself getting sucked into the story more and more as I read on. I should point out that I’m a lapsed Catholic. But I had to admit that even a third of the way into this book I was reading a far better testimonial for why one would live a devout life than I ever got from a lifetime full of Sunday masses. There really is a lot to be said for the life of a nun. Their vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, which don’t exactly thrill one to read about on the surface, and hardly sound like selling points, bear remarkable fruits. These fruits are called the gifts of the spirit, and they include: love, patience, understanding, joy, peace and wisdom. The author does a remarkable job demonstrating how the nuns’ vows nurture these gifts, and how the life of a nun can indeed lead to an evolution of the soul that many would have to live many lifetimes to accomplish. This is not an easy thing to show, moreover.
Our heroine’s journey is remarkable, both because it is ultimately (if not initially) well told from a storytelling viewpoint, and because even for a cynic like myself, I found the appeal to live a spiritual life, or to at least understand why a sane person would want to do so, compelling.
Recommended for readers of Christian fiction, or anyone curious to see what all the hubbub is about.
But for the very eyebrow raising first chapter, I found myself getting sucked into the story more and more as I read on. I should point out that I’m a lapsed Catholic. But I had to admit that even a third of the way into this book I was reading a far better testimonial for why one would live a devout life than I ever got from a lifetime full of Sunday masses. There really is a lot to be said for the life of a nun. Their vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, which don’t exactly thrill one to read about on the surface, and hardly sound like selling points, bear remarkable fruits. These fruits are called the gifts of the spirit, and they include: love, patience, understanding, joy, peace and wisdom. The author does a remarkable job demonstrating how the nuns’ vows nurture these gifts, and how the life of a nun can indeed lead to an evolution of the soul that many would have to live many lifetimes to accomplish. This is not an easy thing to show, moreover.
Our heroine’s journey is remarkable, both because it is ultimately (if not initially) well told from a storytelling viewpoint, and because even for a cynic like myself, I found the appeal to live a spiritual life, or to at least understand why a sane person would want to do so, compelling.
Recommended for readers of Christian fiction, or anyone curious to see what all the hubbub is about.
September 7, 2017
Reparation is about a journey, albeit a painful and long reaching journey full of trials and tribulation and ultimately leaving its mark on the author. I found this a difficult and challenging read, but not for the reasons you many think. As a memoir the book digs deep into the life and soul of one woman and her experiences over decades of her life. Heavy on religion and self-sacrifice, Reparation dares you to confront your spiritual beliefs and the consequences of sin, denial, hardship, abuse, trauma, and healing. It's not a story for those who are weak and somehow, that's alright because the author is such a strong individual it seems an insult not to forge ahead bravely with her as you read.
I'm not a religious individual. I didn't grow up with parents who held that in high regard. But I can imagine what it was like to grow up devoutly Catholic with heavy expectation thrown on your shoulders and a strict upbringing. How? The writing. Digging deep inside her battered and bruised soul, Ms. Hall shares her innermost thoughts and feelings and bares all, revealing her life choices and their repercussions, and their effect on her life. It's soul searching and I have to applaud her courage. Not many of us are brave enough to do that.
By the end of the book, her journey has finally come full circle and its those revelations, whether she realizes it or not, that have combined to make her the strong and courageous individual she has become. Life is unexpected but you can return from the past, heal, and be free. I believe she has. The title is interesting and conveys so much. Reparation, by definition, is making amends but I wonder if the author has finally forgiven herself. She endured so much and some of it was self-inflicted, I hope she has found her peace and finds her happiness.
As you can tell, I was deeply impacted by this book, even if I couldn't relate to a lot of the religious conversation. I couldn't possibly give Reparation less than 5 stars. It's a read a highly recommend.
I'm not a religious individual. I didn't grow up with parents who held that in high regard. But I can imagine what it was like to grow up devoutly Catholic with heavy expectation thrown on your shoulders and a strict upbringing. How? The writing. Digging deep inside her battered and bruised soul, Ms. Hall shares her innermost thoughts and feelings and bares all, revealing her life choices and their repercussions, and their effect on her life. It's soul searching and I have to applaud her courage. Not many of us are brave enough to do that.
By the end of the book, her journey has finally come full circle and its those revelations, whether she realizes it or not, that have combined to make her the strong and courageous individual she has become. Life is unexpected but you can return from the past, heal, and be free. I believe she has. The title is interesting and conveys so much. Reparation, by definition, is making amends but I wonder if the author has finally forgiven herself. She endured so much and some of it was self-inflicted, I hope she has found her peace and finds her happiness.
As you can tell, I was deeply impacted by this book, even if I couldn't relate to a lot of the religious conversation. I couldn't possibly give Reparation less than 5 stars. It's a read a highly recommend.
April 19, 2020
I found this a horrifying but compulsive read.
Maria grew up in a well-to-do devout Roman Catholic family in New Zealand. Her mother seemed to be obsessively religious and made herself ill if her beliefs were not followed. At 20 Maria was still living at home, treated like a child, her life dominated by religion.
Encouraged by the family priest, and believing she had received a direct message from God, Maria decided to become a nun. Reading it felt that she was brainwashed into believing that she owed her life to the church. “Somehow the sacrifice, the commitment and the practice of Christian virtue seemed appealing. I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life. I knew the only obstacles were selfishness, worldliness or weakness.”
She joined a progressive order where she appeared to be largely ignored and left to her own devices, until a personal problem meant she had to leave the order and return home. She briefly enjoyed a normal life and teaching career until the family learned of a breakaway Roman Catholic sect in Spain with its own self-appointed Pope, and Maria went to join them and become a nun.
The conditions there were medieval, with no comfort, no joy, no friendship, not enough to eat, marathon prayer sessions, spiteful nuns and pointless rules. For years Maria doggedly accepted everything that came her way - hunger, humiliation and physical pain - trying to pay the price for a ‘sin’ she believed she had committed.
She must be an extraordinarily strong woman, mentally, physically and emotionally to have survived.
The book is well written. It made me angry. It is a truly terrible story and an eye-opening look into religion at its worst.
Maria grew up in a well-to-do devout Roman Catholic family in New Zealand. Her mother seemed to be obsessively religious and made herself ill if her beliefs were not followed. At 20 Maria was still living at home, treated like a child, her life dominated by religion.
Encouraged by the family priest, and believing she had received a direct message from God, Maria decided to become a nun. Reading it felt that she was brainwashed into believing that she owed her life to the church. “Somehow the sacrifice, the commitment and the practice of Christian virtue seemed appealing. I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life. I knew the only obstacles were selfishness, worldliness or weakness.”
She joined a progressive order where she appeared to be largely ignored and left to her own devices, until a personal problem meant she had to leave the order and return home. She briefly enjoyed a normal life and teaching career until the family learned of a breakaway Roman Catholic sect in Spain with its own self-appointed Pope, and Maria went to join them and become a nun.
The conditions there were medieval, with no comfort, no joy, no friendship, not enough to eat, marathon prayer sessions, spiteful nuns and pointless rules. For years Maria doggedly accepted everything that came her way - hunger, humiliation and physical pain - trying to pay the price for a ‘sin’ she believed she had committed.
She must be an extraordinarily strong woman, mentally, physically and emotionally to have survived.
The book is well written. It made me angry. It is a truly terrible story and an eye-opening look into religion at its worst.
January 28, 2017
The description of Reparation: A Spiritual Journey, caught my interest, and so did the “look inside” feature on Amazon. Catholic Irish immigrant Father McSweeney, a Capuchin monk, is vividly drawn as he uses the “trap” of the confessional for his first attempt to persuade twenty-year-old Maria that God is calling her to become a nun. I was suspicious long before Maria admitted to the feeling that something was badly wrong. Nuns, surely, are kind and compassionate, yet young Maria is excluded by them all, including the one appointed to instruct her privately. Lonely and forbidden contact with her family she looks on this treatment as a test of her faith. This is an emotively-written book that draws forth a myriad of reactions from the reader: sympathy, disbelief, fury, hope, joy… Maria Hall shows herself as a very talented author with that achievement. A fascinating, honest, story that is well-worth reading.
May 20, 2017
It never ceases to amaze me what people are willing to do or endure in the name of religion. I read this amazing story mostly open mouthed as Maria recounted her story of becoming a nun. It offered a glimpse into a world most of us never enter. Ms Hall has a very engaging style of writing and I was glued to the pages as she took us on her journey from New-Zealand to Australia and Spain. It was fascinating to get a look inside of a strict religious cult I wasn’t even aware off. It spurred me on to read a bit more about the Palmarian Church, which is still going despite its very strict rules.
It is also an inspirational story as the young Maria, damaged from her experiences in Australia, tries to find reparation in Spain. It is after her experiences there that she truly starts to rebuild her life and finds her voice and purpose.
It is also an inspirational story as the young Maria, damaged from her experiences in Australia, tries to find reparation in Spain. It is after her experiences there that she truly starts to rebuild her life and finds her voice and purpose.
June 13, 2019
When young people are betrayed by authority, values, and traditions and then discover that betrayal in adulthood, the journey begins. This is the journey of Maria Hall, and a difficult journey it is. Moving through New Zealand, Australia and southern Spain during her early years, Maria pays a huge price for reparation for the sins of her past when she seeks absolution as a Carmelite nun. Suffering through years of self-denial and identity loss, her faith and endurance are tested to the max. How she escapes the strict life of obedience within this controversial religious order and comes to terms with her past is compelling. I found this to be a powerful read and recommend it for anyone who loves to read about a heroine's journey through a difficult spiritual life.
February 4, 2018
I enjoyed reading this well written memoir although much of the content was difficult to read. The author had to endure some very tough times in her life. I was especially interested by all the details of her life as a Nun. I very much admired the author's strength of character. She showed great courage and determination as a Nun and I am not surprised by her subsequent business success. You can't help but be sad at some of the events in the book but I ultimately found this memoir uplifting. Religion and the author's devout belief in God is at the heart of the book but whatever your religious views this is a fascinating read.
May 8, 2017
Based upon the author’s own life, this is a powerfully poignant account of one woman’s journey, the choices she’s made, and the unexpected, often heartbreaking results those choices produced; yet the inexorable strength of the Spirit to transcend trauma and guide the heart toward healing could not be more compellingly communicated. Although I was more than once shocked by her honest descriptions of the unanticipated neglect she endured, Maria has certainly penned a story that lingers in your thoughts long after you read it; one that prompts introspection and exploration alike.
September 20, 2020
I'm not Catholic so maybe I just don't get it, but after reading this I don't know why anyone would ever want to be a nun. Reading this book was a real downer for me. This poor young woman tries so hard to reconcile herself with God and it's just depressing all that she goes through seeming to gain nothing in the end. The writing itself wasn't bad, but there really wasn't much of a story. Ugh. For such a short book, it took forever to finish and I doubt I would have if I wasn't reading it for a challenge.
November 8, 2022
I've had this on my Kindle for quite some time and put off reading it since I'm not Catholic. However, Ms. Hall's story about becoming a nun was interesting. It was quite difficult for me to understand her decision to join another order and live under such horrific circumstances. I was glad when she left there and never looked back. It was quite sad to me as well that she suffered a rape and was naive (?) enough not to go to the authorities. I can only hope her life is more fulfilling now and that her relationships with those she had to leave behind are strong.
December 11, 2017
I usually don’t read books of this kind but I was curious about this one and I wasn’t wrong. It’s a moving story, hard to believe it’s a story of the author’s life. The things she goes through, the decisions she makes in order to find herself…I’m a non religious person but I can imagine what went on in her mind and soul during all these years. In fact you don’t even need to imagine, she’s very open about her journey. If you want to read something a bit different, this is it.
March 18, 2019
A remarkable journey, a true story, of a young woman starting out in life with a song in her heart. That music is sadly snuffed out by tragedy. Then what happens is transcendence through a life very few can imagine. It is a story that runs deep and nothing is held back. I am not a believer of any religious faith and that said this goes to the core of what true spirituality is all about. A powerful read.
November 30, 2017
This was a nice, spiritual journey of the author's life, and an interesting pondering of different religions and philosophies. I like that the author shares her personal story, and admire her for writing it. Although I found it a big too long and voluminous for my taste, I still think it's a good story and recommend it to people who enjoy reading about spirituality.
March 16, 2018
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant
What a great book. What did I like about it? Everything. Perhaps not the best written book but certainly no the worst either. I would recommend this book to anyone. It is so thought provoking.
What a great book. What did I like about it? Everything. Perhaps not the best written book but certainly no the worst either. I would recommend this book to anyone. It is so thought provoking.
October 26, 2018
Compelling reading!
Found it hard to put the book down and, after finishing it, am still haunted by the story. Hard to believe that it all really happened but it did - and am grateful to the author for sharing the story.
Found it hard to put the book down and, after finishing it, am still haunted by the story. Hard to believe that it all really happened but it did - and am grateful to the author for sharing the story.
December 27, 2020
I had high hopes for this book. It is well written and Ms. Hall is a good storyteller. She fell into an Order ultimately headed by a self-seeking, power hungry nut-job of an self-appointed Antipope. In the end, she found herself but lost her Faith. All I felt was heartbroken.
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June 1, 2019Very sad, but very well written!
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