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What I Lost
What sixteen-year-old Elizabeth has lost so far: forty pounds, four jean sizes, a boyfriend, and her peace of mind. As a result, she’s finally a size zero. She’s also the newest resident at Wallingfield, a treatment center for girls like her—girls with eating disorders. Elizabeth is determined to endure the program so she can go back home, where she plans to start restricting her food intake again. She’s pretty sure her mom, who has her own size 0 obsession, needs treatment as much as she does. Maybe even more. Then Elizabeth begins receiving mysterious packages. Are they from her ex-boyfriend, a secret admirer, or someone playing a cruel trick?
400 pages, Hardcover
First published June 6, 2017
178 people are currently reading
15036 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 784 reviews
July 1, 2017
I seriously loved this book so so much. What I Lost may be one of my new favorite books of all time. This read was wholeheartedly honest, informational, authentic, raw, and powerful.
I'm going to place a trigger warning for eating disorders on this book, as well as any of my discussions about this book. While I sincerely love this book, I absolutely think it contains some content that could be triggering to those suffering from similar diseases. There's talk of weight, sizes, calories, a lot of food anxiety, and unhealthy patterns of behavior in regard to food that may be harmful to those without strong recovery or accessible support services. I am not personally one to automatically rule a book out as bad or harmful for triggering content, but if you think you may be upset by anything I previously mentioned, I'd recommend putting your mental health first and holding off until you're in a better mindset.
I'm also going to be posting a spoiler free review on my channel because damn, do I want to gush about this book, so I'll reserve some of my thoughts for that review.
This absolutely has to be one of my favorite books about eating disorders of all time (Yes I say this about almost every mental health book I read BUT I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME.) What I Lost is a story of recovery. We follow Elizabeth, a teen dealing with anorexia, as she spend roughly 40 days in an inpatient center for people with eating disorders. Though we are obviously exposed to very raw moments of Elizabeth's ED as she is still struggling with her illness, this book does a fantastic job of staying truthful to the experience of having an ED while making sure the concept of recovery is the main message of the story. Within the struggle and difficulty of being treated for such a disorder, there are so many moments of breakthrough, enlightenment, and hope within the pages of this book that I could not be happier. Despite the triggering content, I can say with confidence this is the best book about eating disorder recovery on the market.
One of my favorite parts of the novel is how much medical and accurate information about eating disorders is incorporated naturally into this book. The first sentence mentions lanugo, there's talk of osteopenia/osteoperosis, mitral valve prolapse, amenorrhea, orthostatic hypotension, current gene research for EDs, IT'S SO FREAKING INFORMATIVE. I'm so pleased that the author went such a huge mile ahead of other books about EDs to actually be educational in all aspects of the illness. I'll be dammed if anyone considers this book to be glorifying eating disorders; It really shows all the dangers and consequences of suffering from one, yet continually expresses how recovery is possible.
As a fellow recovering anorexic, I cannot express how accurate this book was to my own experiences. Though I was never in inpatient specifically for my ED so I can't speak directly about Elizabeth's experiences in treatment, her thoughts were so on point. There are passages that I could relate to as a teen entering recovery for the first time, and there are thoughts that still persist today that made me feel extremely validated. I'm so ecstatic about the representation in this novel and I truly hope other people with similar experiences will feel the same.
Also, this is for sure not a love-cure novel. Romance is absolutely not a major theme in this book. Though Elizabeth has recently gone through a break up and there is a future love interest involved in the story, Elizabeth outright says she needs to focus on her recovery before getting involved with anyone which is a BIG STEP.
There are only a few things that fell short for me in this book.
#1. I wish there was a BIT more diversity. The only thing this book was lacking in was intersectionality regarding eating disorders; I wish we had a few more POC or people of various sexualities/genders to account for the individual experiences of people with EDs within other populations (though the lack of male patients is addressed, as well as how important the rising rate of men with EDS is, so on that front, I'm pleased).
#2. THE ENDING WAS SO ABRUPT. The length of this book is definitely satisfying and the ending does leave off on a good note, but I was not expecting it to end where it was. I wish we had just a few more chapters to make the ending a bit more concrete or feel a bit more finished. I think even an epilogue set a few months into the future to signify the growth of Elizabeth, her friends and Wallingfield, and even her mother, would have been such an asset. I can't complain too much as the final message is exactly what I would have wanted.
Ultimately, this book was fabulous. I couldn't be happier with the portrayal of a teen with anorexia. It has so many perks above other books about EDs and I am so blessed to have read this book. Keeping in mind the trigger warnings I expressed earlier, I do think at some point in the lives of those recovering from EDS no matter when that is, this is a book that a lot of individuals could resonate with. If someone without and ED was looking to gain a better understanding about what it is like to have anorexia, I'd recommend What I Lost above all else for it's flawless execution of authenticity, medical accuracy, and truth. This book is an absolute gem and I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to place a trigger warning for eating disorders on this book, as well as any of my discussions about this book. While I sincerely love this book, I absolutely think it contains some content that could be triggering to those suffering from similar diseases. There's talk of weight, sizes, calories, a lot of food anxiety, and unhealthy patterns of behavior in regard to food that may be harmful to those without strong recovery or accessible support services. I am not personally one to automatically rule a book out as bad or harmful for triggering content, but if you think you may be upset by anything I previously mentioned, I'd recommend putting your mental health first and holding off until you're in a better mindset.
I'm also going to be posting a spoiler free review on my channel because damn, do I want to gush about this book, so I'll reserve some of my thoughts for that review.
This absolutely has to be one of my favorite books about eating disorders of all time (Yes I say this about almost every mental health book I read BUT I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME.) What I Lost is a story of recovery. We follow Elizabeth, a teen dealing with anorexia, as she spend roughly 40 days in an inpatient center for people with eating disorders. Though we are obviously exposed to very raw moments of Elizabeth's ED as she is still struggling with her illness, this book does a fantastic job of staying truthful to the experience of having an ED while making sure the concept of recovery is the main message of the story. Within the struggle and difficulty of being treated for such a disorder, there are so many moments of breakthrough, enlightenment, and hope within the pages of this book that I could not be happier. Despite the triggering content, I can say with confidence this is the best book about eating disorder recovery on the market.
One of my favorite parts of the novel is how much medical and accurate information about eating disorders is incorporated naturally into this book. The first sentence mentions lanugo, there's talk of osteopenia/osteoperosis, mitral valve prolapse, amenorrhea, orthostatic hypotension, current gene research for EDs, IT'S SO FREAKING INFORMATIVE. I'm so pleased that the author went such a huge mile ahead of other books about EDs to actually be educational in all aspects of the illness. I'll be dammed if anyone considers this book to be glorifying eating disorders; It really shows all the dangers and consequences of suffering from one, yet continually expresses how recovery is possible.
As a fellow recovering anorexic, I cannot express how accurate this book was to my own experiences. Though I was never in inpatient specifically for my ED so I can't speak directly about Elizabeth's experiences in treatment, her thoughts were so on point. There are passages that I could relate to as a teen entering recovery for the first time, and there are thoughts that still persist today that made me feel extremely validated. I'm so ecstatic about the representation in this novel and I truly hope other people with similar experiences will feel the same.
Also, this is for sure not a love-cure novel. Romance is absolutely not a major theme in this book. Though Elizabeth has recently gone through a break up and there is a future love interest involved in the story, Elizabeth outright says she needs to focus on her recovery before getting involved with anyone which is a BIG STEP.
There are only a few things that fell short for me in this book.
#1. I wish there was a BIT more diversity. The only thing this book was lacking in was intersectionality regarding eating disorders; I wish we had a few more POC or people of various sexualities/genders to account for the individual experiences of people with EDs within other populations (though the lack of male patients is addressed, as well as how important the rising rate of men with EDS is, so on that front, I'm pleased).
#2. THE ENDING WAS SO ABRUPT. The length of this book is definitely satisfying and the ending does leave off on a good note, but I was not expecting it to end where it was. I wish we had just a few more chapters to make the ending a bit more concrete or feel a bit more finished. I think even an epilogue set a few months into the future to signify the growth of Elizabeth, her friends and Wallingfield, and even her mother, would have been such an asset. I can't complain too much as the final message is exactly what I would have wanted.
Ultimately, this book was fabulous. I couldn't be happier with the portrayal of a teen with anorexia. It has so many perks above other books about EDs and I am so blessed to have read this book. Keeping in mind the trigger warnings I expressed earlier, I do think at some point in the lives of those recovering from EDS no matter when that is, this is a book that a lot of individuals could resonate with. If someone without and ED was looking to gain a better understanding about what it is like to have anorexia, I'd recommend What I Lost above all else for it's flawless execution of authenticity, medical accuracy, and truth. This book is an absolute gem and I would highly recommend it.
September 11, 2017
Well…this is awkward.
I picked this book up on a whim (while I was reading 2 other books keep in mind) bc it seemed short and the cover is so 😍 sadly tho, this happened. . .
First off, I’d like to say, that you NEED to take my two piddley little stars with a grain of salt bc there is NOTHING wrong with the book in itself. I’m just a very picky reader and I need to stop but that’s a different story.
Also, I'd like you to keep in mind, that while I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder ENTIRELY, I had a lot of negative body image issues (like most teenagers) when I was younger and it took me a long, hard time to learn to love and accept myself. So while I might not know EVERYTHING about anorexia, I can most definitely relate to the mc and her struggle with her body image and food.
So, so, so, so, so.
Pros
- Eating disorders were dealt with really well
- I’m so proud of the author for willingly tackling such an important topic, you GO!!!
- The rep and the insight into elizabeth’s brain, her struggle with her weight and having to get better, it was very realistic, very sensitive, very trying
- The friendships and trust the girls build 👌
- Love does not fix all and I really appreciate that
- I really loved how the author incorporated side-effects of anorexia and talking about the health repercussions rather than just talking about it from an entirely mental perspective
Cons
- So, the writing.
- The writing was tiring and tedious and it felt so MONOTONE to me, I really struggled through it
- Goodness it took me longer to finish than I expected
- There’s A LOT of dialogue and with the voices all being the same, it really made me lose interest
- I really tried to push through and love it, but it was just SO HARD to get into
- I know a lot of people didn’t struggle with this and loved the book, but it really just couldn’t
- everytime i came to read it felt like a chore ;-;
- Soz @ everyone
in conclusion, this is a v important book proclaiming a v important message, but it just didn't work for me. but check it out yo
No one told me that when I got skinny I’d grow fur. Tiny, translucent hairs, fine like white mink…When I looked it up, the fur had a name—lanugo. Babies are born with it. Anorexics grow it.
2 stars!!
I picked this book up on a whim (while I was reading 2 other books keep in mind) bc it seemed short and the cover is so 😍 sadly tho, this happened. . .
First off, I’d like to say, that you NEED to take my two piddley little stars with a grain of salt bc there is NOTHING wrong with the book in itself. I’m just a very picky reader and I need to stop but that’s a different story.
Also, I'd like you to keep in mind, that while I haven’t struggled with an eating disorder ENTIRELY, I had a lot of negative body image issues (like most teenagers) when I was younger and it took me a long, hard time to learn to love and accept myself. So while I might not know EVERYTHING about anorexia, I can most definitely relate to the mc and her struggle with her body image and food.
So, so, so, so, so.
Pros
- Eating disorders were dealt with really well
- I’m so proud of the author for willingly tackling such an important topic, you GO!!!
- The rep and the insight into elizabeth’s brain, her struggle with her weight and having to get better, it was very realistic, very sensitive, very trying
- The friendships and trust the girls build 👌
- Love does not fix all and I really appreciate that
- I really loved how the author incorporated side-effects of anorexia and talking about the health repercussions rather than just talking about it from an entirely mental perspective
Cons
- So, the writing.
- The writing was tiring and tedious and it felt so MONOTONE to me, I really struggled through it
- Goodness it took me longer to finish than I expected
- There’s A LOT of dialogue and with the voices all being the same, it really made me lose interest
- I really tried to push through and love it, but it was just SO HARD to get into
- I know a lot of people didn’t struggle with this and loved the book, but it really just couldn’t
- everytime i came to read it felt like a chore ;-;
- Soz @ everyone
in conclusion, this is a v important book proclaiming a v important message, but it just didn't work for me. but check it out yo
No one told me that when I got skinny I’d grow fur. Tiny, translucent hairs, fine like white mink…When I looked it up, the fur had a name—lanugo. Babies are born with it. Anorexics grow it.
2 stars!!
January 19, 2021
4,75☆ this book is not perfect but I’m glad it exists
December 11, 2017
As someone who has struggled most of my life with disordered eating, I am a total sucker for contemporaries about EDs. They can be triggering when done poorly, but when done well, these books can be incredibly cathartic for me, so when I read the synopsis on this book, I knew it was right up my alley.
WHAT I LIKED ➳➳
This book offers an incredibly realistic view of EDs. It starts off by explaining how people suffering from anorexia can develop lanugo, a downy coating of hair on their body, and I was hooked from that moment because it told me that Ballard was willing to face the side of EDs that most authors won't touch, or don't know about. It continues to tackle anorexia and other EDs in a very straightforward and honest method, which I appreciated SO much.
The narrator is likable, and her thought processes made sense to me. I was able to relate to her, and I liked that she didn't insist on shutting everyone out and being a stereotypical "mean girl" MC like we see so often in books about ED treatment.
The side characters are complex and enjoyable, and I felt real, legitimate empathy for some of them. On the other hand, Elizabeth's mother is awful but pitiable, and I found myself conflicted on my feelings for her (in a good way!); on the one hand, she was horrible to her daughter, but on the other hand, she was struggling as well, and I couldn't discount that.
WHAT I DISLIKED ➳➳
The secret admirer plot felt like an afterthought, because even though it's mentioned in the synopsis, I didn't feel like it was really the forefront of the story? I also gathered that it was supposed to feel like this big puzzle with a surprise ending, but it really just wasn't fleshed out enough for me to care very strongly about it, so I didn't feel much of anything either way when the big reveal happened.
FINAL VERDICT ➳➳
All in all, this book wasn't the most extraordinary YA contemporary I'd ever picked up, but it was my favorite ED-related book that I've read, so 4/5 stars feels like a really fair rating to me. I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys YA contemporaries about tough topics like EDs and mental illness, but I would warn caution to anyone who may be triggered by in-depth conversations regarding disordered eating, body dysmorphia, parental verbal abuse, or mental illness.
Thank you so much to Alexandra Ballard and the lovely folks at Farrar, Straus and Giroux for the ARC! My thoughts in this review are entirely my own.
WHAT I LIKED ➳➳
This book offers an incredibly realistic view of EDs. It starts off by explaining how people suffering from anorexia can develop lanugo, a downy coating of hair on their body, and I was hooked from that moment because it told me that Ballard was willing to face the side of EDs that most authors won't touch, or don't know about. It continues to tackle anorexia and other EDs in a very straightforward and honest method, which I appreciated SO much.
The narrator is likable, and her thought processes made sense to me. I was able to relate to her, and I liked that she didn't insist on shutting everyone out and being a stereotypical "mean girl" MC like we see so often in books about ED treatment.
The side characters are complex and enjoyable, and I felt real, legitimate empathy for some of them. On the other hand, Elizabeth's mother is awful but pitiable, and I found myself conflicted on my feelings for her (in a good way!); on the one hand, she was horrible to her daughter, but on the other hand, she was struggling as well, and I couldn't discount that.
WHAT I DISLIKED ➳➳
The secret admirer plot felt like an afterthought, because even though it's mentioned in the synopsis, I didn't feel like it was really the forefront of the story? I also gathered that it was supposed to feel like this big puzzle with a surprise ending, but it really just wasn't fleshed out enough for me to care very strongly about it, so I didn't feel much of anything either way when the big reveal happened.
FINAL VERDICT ➳➳
All in all, this book wasn't the most extraordinary YA contemporary I'd ever picked up, but it was my favorite ED-related book that I've read, so 4/5 stars feels like a really fair rating to me. I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys YA contemporaries about tough topics like EDs and mental illness, but I would warn caution to anyone who may be triggered by in-depth conversations regarding disordered eating, body dysmorphia, parental verbal abuse, or mental illness.
Thank you so much to Alexandra Ballard and the lovely folks at Farrar, Straus and Giroux for the ARC! My thoughts in this review are entirely my own.
September 2, 2020
A closer look at eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia- concepts that usually never interested me but What I Lost is simply an engaging novel that makes the reader understand better these health and mental conditions.
It’s quite eye-opening really understanding how people with these conditions think, how most of them even believe it’s normal and it’s what they really desire and also kind of sad that for some, it’s their parents who somehow caused their illness both genetically and behaviorally, how their illness could result to further and graver health complications, how they could never look at food and not count the calories. I think that’s the saddest part because food is one of life’s basest, simplest and yet greatest pleasures and worrying how much every food intake will make you fat simply isn’t called living.
But being forced into a rehabilitation center called Wallingfield, Elizabeth, our main character not only gets help with her condition, she also earns new friends who understand her. Their moral support for one another is just as potent as their eating regimen.
The novel is very well written, laced with humor and sarcasm and hinted with a bit of romance. It’s definitely a surprisingly good read, also very significant. Definitely recommended
It’s quite eye-opening really understanding how people with these conditions think, how most of them even believe it’s normal and it’s what they really desire and also kind of sad that for some, it’s their parents who somehow caused their illness both genetically and behaviorally, how their illness could result to further and graver health complications, how they could never look at food and not count the calories. I think that’s the saddest part because food is one of life’s basest, simplest and yet greatest pleasures and worrying how much every food intake will make you fat simply isn’t called living.
But being forced into a rehabilitation center called Wallingfield, Elizabeth, our main character not only gets help with her condition, she also earns new friends who understand her. Their moral support for one another is just as potent as their eating regimen.
The novel is very well written, laced with humor and sarcasm and hinted with a bit of romance. It’s definitely a surprisingly good read, also very significant. Definitely recommended
August 10, 2017
There's a love story in this book that despite its very realistic American high school setting gives the satisfactions of the classic Jane Austen paradigm (bad suitor, good suitor, mistaken first impressions). And I personally enjoy a story that makes me feel--via the character--that I have a shot at dealing with the mean voices in my head. I loved the father in this book, and the portrait of the mother adds a new dimension to the anorexia story. If you've read "The Fat Girl" by Andre Dubus, you've seen this painful family dynamic before, but it's nice to see it treated at length for the audience most at risk.
May 3, 2024
2024 reads: 111/250
2024 tbr: 48/120
content warnings: eating disorders (primarily anorexia, one side character has bulimia), bullying, vomit
sixteen-year-old elizabeth has officially hit rock bottom: her boyfriend broke up with her, rumors about her are being spread at school, and she’s the newest resident of wallingfield, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. elizabeth is determined to get out of wallingfield to return to what she considers normal life (including calorie restriction), but her eating disorder doesn’t make that so easy.
one aspect of this book i respected the inclusion of was the mom’s encouragement of elizabeth’s anorexia. unfortunately, i’ve known many girls and women who learned to restrict their calories from their mothers, but this isn’t something i see represented very often. i thought this aspect was handled realistically and with care, though the mom made me so angry most of the time.
while i have no firsthand experience with anorexia, i believe this aspect was also handled well, especially with having a variety of side characters also having anorexia but still being different. i appreciated the bond some of the girls formed and how (for the most part) they helped one another get better.
i’d recommend this to YA contemporary readers who are comfortable with the content.
2024 tbr: 48/120
content warnings: eating disorders (primarily anorexia, one side character has bulimia), bullying, vomit
sixteen-year-old elizabeth has officially hit rock bottom: her boyfriend broke up with her, rumors about her are being spread at school, and she’s the newest resident of wallingfield, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. elizabeth is determined to get out of wallingfield to return to what she considers normal life (including calorie restriction), but her eating disorder doesn’t make that so easy.
one aspect of this book i respected the inclusion of was the mom’s encouragement of elizabeth’s anorexia. unfortunately, i’ve known many girls and women who learned to restrict their calories from their mothers, but this isn’t something i see represented very often. i thought this aspect was handled realistically and with care, though the mom made me so angry most of the time.
while i have no firsthand experience with anorexia, i believe this aspect was also handled well, especially with having a variety of side characters also having anorexia but still being different. i appreciated the bond some of the girls formed and how (for the most part) they helped one another get better.
i’d recommend this to YA contemporary readers who are comfortable with the content.
January 25, 2020
2nd read: 4.5/5 stars. My feelings on this book are pretty much the exact same as the first time I read it. I feel so much appreciation for what this book has done. I loved that at the end you are left with a feeling of hope much like the main character however you do still wonder what will happen, much like how Elizabeth would have been feeling. I also really appreciate the fact that she doesn't suddenly get cured by a relationship because that not how it happens. I just really think this is such an important book that everyone should read.
1st read: 4.5/5 stars. I appreciate this book and everything that it does. Obviously don't read this book if you are triggered by any talk about weight, calories or unhealthy eating habits. This book handles the topic in such an amazing way and I am grateful for that. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to learn or understand more about eating disorders and what it is like to have one or what it is like for the people around someone with one.
1st read: 4.5/5 stars. I appreciate this book and everything that it does. Obviously don't read this book if you are triggered by any talk about weight, calories or unhealthy eating habits. This book handles the topic in such an amazing way and I am grateful for that. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to learn or understand more about eating disorders and what it is like to have one or what it is like for the people around someone with one.
December 22, 2017
5*
This book is about a girl named Elizabeth that has anorexia and gets checked into a treatment center. This book is really good. The different relationship dynamics that forms throughout the book was the best part.
There were many different relationships shown throughout the story and the story really goes into depth to show how Elizabeth feels and interacts with each one. There was solidarity and encouragement by the other girls at the treatment center, but their struggles were also shown to Elizabeth and had an impact on her. The story also goes into a possible reason for why Elizabeth is anorexic and that was my favorite part of the story. That was fascinating.
“Elizabeth, what it comes down to is this. Wanting to get better, while important, isn’t enough. You have to work to get better. This isn’t a disease where you take medicine and then wait. You have to choose. Your recovery is one hundred percent up to you.”
This book is about a girl named Elizabeth that has anorexia and gets checked into a treatment center. This book is really good. The different relationship dynamics that forms throughout the book was the best part.
There were many different relationships shown throughout the story and the story really goes into depth to show how Elizabeth feels and interacts with each one. There was solidarity and encouragement by the other girls at the treatment center, but their struggles were also shown to Elizabeth and had an impact on her. The story also goes into a possible reason for why Elizabeth is anorexic and that was my favorite part of the story. That was fascinating.
“Elizabeth, what it comes down to is this. Wanting to get better, while important, isn’t enough. You have to work to get better. This isn’t a disease where you take medicine and then wait. You have to choose. Your recovery is one hundred percent up to you.”
July 17, 2017
TW: Eating Disorders, Anxiety, and Self Harm
"You have been through a war, and you've won"
OMG. OH MY GOSHHHH.
This was everything I could have asked for in a book dealing with eating disorders. I will say another major trigger warning for eating disorders!
The writing was so great and flowed really nicely. You could tell that the facts were spot on and that this author really did her research. This book was so raw and powerful. It felt so real for me and I think this book is SO IMPORTANT. I would highly recommend this and I was blown away by the realness of the story and our main characters journey.
"You have been through a war, and you've won"
OMG. OH MY GOSHHHH.
This was everything I could have asked for in a book dealing with eating disorders. I will say another major trigger warning for eating disorders!
The writing was so great and flowed really nicely. You could tell that the facts were spot on and that this author really did her research. This book was so raw and powerful. It felt so real for me and I think this book is SO IMPORTANT. I would highly recommend this and I was blown away by the realness of the story and our main characters journey.
September 29, 2017
WHAT I LOST is that kind of book.
The one that manages to take a familiar idea, twist it into something new, unheard of, or unique, all while using the same familiar foundation.
It’s different, yet it’s not.
And what I mean by that is simple: While WHAT I LOST may seem, from the outside, your average contemporary, the way Alexandra Ballard approached the topic of eating disorders (specifically, anorexia, which I haven’t seen much in YA lately, so you can probably imagine my excitement and fascination) is both easy to understand, and adds new information.
Informative, yet entertaining. Now that sounds like my kind of book.
Elizabeth is a someone to root for. Her struggle with anorexia is portrayed believingly, and how that exactly came about, and how she feels about treatment, is realistic. No, she is not cured over night (is she even cured at all, you ask? I cannot answer that, dear reader, because I do not wish to evilly spoil you.)
Her approach to her surroundings is believable. Her reactions is believable. For this reason, Elizabeth’s spot-on characterization give her 3-dimensionality and sufficient depth to her character.
The supporting cast is fabulous as well. Each girl at the treatment center is given her fair share of back story that allows the reader to see each and every one’s struggle and reasons for ending up where they are now, in addition to how much they want change, or don’t want change.
My only critique, though, is that some girls often acted out of character, although this is understandable due to the fairly large support cast.
The writing style’s simplicity is both a blessing and a curse, though. At times, the quick and easy-to-read style made the pages fly by fast, but other times a little more depth to the style itself could have saved the book from feeling a tad bit juvenile sometimes, due to the oversimplified writing.
But really, that’s just me being picky.
Oh, and that cover might just be my favorite of 2017 (It’s challenging WHEN DIMPLE MET RISHI, believe it or not.)
All in all? I thoroughly enjoyed WHAT I LOST. It reads quickly, it’s interesting and entertaining, and you can even learn a thing or two (or three or four) about anorexia and its treatment as you go.
The one that manages to take a familiar idea, twist it into something new, unheard of, or unique, all while using the same familiar foundation.
It’s different, yet it’s not.
And what I mean by that is simple: While WHAT I LOST may seem, from the outside, your average contemporary, the way Alexandra Ballard approached the topic of eating disorders (specifically, anorexia, which I haven’t seen much in YA lately, so you can probably imagine my excitement and fascination) is both easy to understand, and adds new information.
Informative, yet entertaining. Now that sounds like my kind of book.
Elizabeth is a someone to root for. Her struggle with anorexia is portrayed believingly, and how that exactly came about, and how she feels about treatment, is realistic. No, she is not cured over night (is she even cured at all, you ask? I cannot answer that, dear reader, because I do not wish to evilly spoil you.)
Her approach to her surroundings is believable. Her reactions is believable. For this reason, Elizabeth’s spot-on characterization give her 3-dimensionality and sufficient depth to her character.
The supporting cast is fabulous as well. Each girl at the treatment center is given her fair share of back story that allows the reader to see each and every one’s struggle and reasons for ending up where they are now, in addition to how much they want change, or don’t want change.
My only critique, though, is that some girls often acted out of character, although this is understandable due to the fairly large support cast.
The writing style’s simplicity is both a blessing and a curse, though. At times, the quick and easy-to-read style made the pages fly by fast, but other times a little more depth to the style itself could have saved the book from feeling a tad bit juvenile sometimes, due to the oversimplified writing.
But really, that’s just me being picky.
Oh, and that cover might just be my favorite of 2017 (It’s challenging WHEN DIMPLE MET RISHI, believe it or not.)
All in all? I thoroughly enjoyed WHAT I LOST. It reads quickly, it’s interesting and entertaining, and you can even learn a thing or two (or three or four) about anorexia and its treatment as you go.
September 18, 2019
This was a disturbing look into the minds of young girls with eating disorders. The lengths that they went to in order to get thin and stay that way were amazing, in a heart-breaking way.
I would certainly not recommend this book to anyone that I suspect has even a hint of a current eating disorder. The tricks that were used to avoid eating would have to be described as very cleverly thought out and implemented. I would be fearful that a person with an eating disorder that reads this might think, “Wow, I need to try that!” On the other hand, I think this book could be an encouragement to bulemics and anorexics that are well into the recovery stage, to keep persevering.
I would certainly not recommend this book to anyone that I suspect has even a hint of a current eating disorder. The tricks that were used to avoid eating would have to be described as very cleverly thought out and implemented. I would be fearful that a person with an eating disorder that reads this might think, “Wow, I need to try that!” On the other hand, I think this book could be an encouragement to bulemics and anorexics that are well into the recovery stage, to keep persevering.
March 3, 2020
There was one part I really liked and related with though it was so small but for the most part this was a pain to get through. The MC was so immature and selfish and the dialogue was pretty stiff and blah at times. I did not love it.
May 14, 2025
I find it extremely hard to rate books about mental illnesses.
You can tell the author knows what she is talking about, has experienced it and portrayed an authentic insight. This is raw, informative, and saddening all at once.
16-year old Elizabeth is admitted into Wallingfield, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. She struggles to understand her illness, her desire to stay thin, her disgust and fear at her thoughts and behaviours.
“Remember, everybody,” Marcia said, “that your eating disorder is not a person. It isn’t you. If you have measles or chicken pox, are you measles or chicken pox? Are you strep throat? Or pneumonia? Or the flu? No, right? You might fight those illnesses, but they don’t define who you are. Eating disorders are the same. They do not make up your being.”
I got that, sort of. But who was I without it? “What would I think about all day? What would I do with all my time?”
What I wasn’t too keen on was the romance sub-plot. Any book that posits romance as a possible ‘fix’ to a mental illness rubs me the wrong way.
However, without giving spoilers, whilst most of the book I wasn’t a fan of the situation, the ending made me appreciate the author’s final intentions.
There are major triggers for numbers - sizes, weights, calories, meal plans and so on. There are depictions of various forms of therapy and I liked that the author showed not everything works for everyone.
The exploration of group dynamics and honesty and support, but also egging each other on and learning from bad behaviours was handled with deft knowledge.
Why did getting better have to suck so much? Usually, if you were getting better from a disease, you felt better, right?
It is made clear that there is no one cause for eating disorders.
Elizabether’s mother seems to be a major influence on her, and growing up in a home where being thin and eating crazily healthy is praised and the norm.
Anorexia wasn’t something I ever wanted. It was something that happened to me. Right?
The writing was simple and filled with dialogue which makes it very accessible.
The ending was very abrupt and felt unfinished.
One final point that doesn’t have any sway on the plot, but I felt icky about - there is a of hint of white saviour-ism in terms of welcoming an outcast new Indian girl when no one else would which felt unneeded.
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You can tell the author knows what she is talking about, has experienced it and portrayed an authentic insight. This is raw, informative, and saddening all at once.
16-year old Elizabeth is admitted into Wallingfield, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. She struggles to understand her illness, her desire to stay thin, her disgust and fear at her thoughts and behaviours.
“Remember, everybody,” Marcia said, “that your eating disorder is not a person. It isn’t you. If you have measles or chicken pox, are you measles or chicken pox? Are you strep throat? Or pneumonia? Or the flu? No, right? You might fight those illnesses, but they don’t define who you are. Eating disorders are the same. They do not make up your being.”
I got that, sort of. But who was I without it? “What would I think about all day? What would I do with all my time?”
What I wasn’t too keen on was the romance sub-plot. Any book that posits romance as a possible ‘fix’ to a mental illness rubs me the wrong way.
However, without giving spoilers, whilst most of the book I wasn’t a fan of the situation, the ending made me appreciate the author’s final intentions.
There are major triggers for numbers - sizes, weights, calories, meal plans and so on. There are depictions of various forms of therapy and I liked that the author showed not everything works for everyone.
The exploration of group dynamics and honesty and support, but also egging each other on and learning from bad behaviours was handled with deft knowledge.
Why did getting better have to suck so much? Usually, if you were getting better from a disease, you felt better, right?
It is made clear that there is no one cause for eating disorders.
Elizabether’s mother seems to be a major influence on her, and growing up in a home where being thin and eating crazily healthy is praised and the norm.
Anorexia wasn’t something I ever wanted. It was something that happened to me. Right?
The writing was simple and filled with dialogue which makes it very accessible.
The ending was very abrupt and felt unfinished.
One final point that doesn’t have any sway on the plot, but I felt icky about - there is a of hint of white saviour-ism in terms of welcoming an outcast new Indian girl when no one else would which felt unneeded.
Bookstagram
Tiktok
January 2, 2021
I don't know what it is about this book, but it's really well put together.
I don't know a lot about eating disorders past what's common knowledge. However, I will say from what I know about development and the progression of thought that Ballard did a very good job of balancing her inner struggles with her forward movement. The novel is very realistic in the way that it portrays her path. In that, she begins with this period of disbelief and the 'not-me' mentality and goes through a lot of the motions.
I don't want to be crass and try to compare situations, but personally, I really admired how the MC's progression of thought went. It was very clear from the onset and the summary that one of the primary sources for her eating disorder came from her mother's projections. I really liked how realistic the change in the MC's mentality was. She started off believing her mother's words and her upbringing was the bible and it was correct. But as she began to spend more time away from her parents, she started to see the holes and was able to really spot the inconsistencies. Of course, that followed a period of hurt and betrayal, and so the angst and the sarcastic comments started to filter in. But Ballard did a really job of also going through the process of repairing their relationship.
There's a lot this book has going it for it. There's a lot of great characters, really their variation and realism was honestly a breath of fresh air. (But I'd also take that remark with a bit of criticism because with the lockdowns I haven't seen a lot of people in a long while...). Regardless, the characters were really great. They didn't act as crutches for the main character and they were their own characters.
I don't know a lot about eating disorders past what's common knowledge. However, I will say from what I know about development and the progression of thought that Ballard did a very good job of balancing her inner struggles with her forward movement. The novel is very realistic in the way that it portrays her path. In that, she begins with this period of disbelief and the 'not-me' mentality and goes through a lot of the motions.
I don't want to be crass and try to compare situations, but personally, I really admired how the MC's progression of thought went. It was very clear from the onset and the summary that one of the primary sources for her eating disorder came from her mother's projections. I really liked how realistic the change in the MC's mentality was. She started off believing her mother's words and her upbringing was the bible and it was correct. But as she began to spend more time away from her parents, she started to see the holes and was able to really spot the inconsistencies. Of course, that followed a period of hurt and betrayal, and so the angst and the sarcastic comments started to filter in. But Ballard did a really job of also going through the process of repairing their relationship.
There's a lot this book has going it for it. There's a lot of great characters, really their variation and realism was honestly a breath of fresh air. (But I'd also take that remark with a bit of criticism because with the lockdowns I haven't seen a lot of people in a long while...). Regardless, the characters were really great. They didn't act as crutches for the main character and they were their own characters.
June 10, 2017
GRADE: B
Elizabeth's involuntary stay in an eating disorder residential facility begins with typical resistance. As she befriends other patients, she begins to take steps toward recovery. She continues to receive gifts from a secret admirer who may or may not be her ex.
Unlike most eating disorder books, WHAT I LOST delves more deeply into Elizabeth's mother's undiagnosed eating disorder. Alexandra Ballard does a good job balancing friendship, therapy and family dynamics. Her writing style flows unobtrusively without my needing to stop and shake my head at poor wording. No sentences were that well-written that I paused to reread because of their beauty.
Ballard' major and minor characters had depth and unique backstories, some interesting enough for their own novels.
Elizabeth's linear recovery was somewhat unrealistic, most patients have many more ups and downs, often progressing two steps forward to take a step back. Her 40 day stay in the program was also out of reach for all but wealthy families. The program didn't have anyone leave because insurance ran out due to the abundance of scholarships. If only this were true in real life.
While WHAT I LOST is predictable, I still recommend this optimistic story as better than most books on eating disorders.
Elizabeth's involuntary stay in an eating disorder residential facility begins with typical resistance. As she befriends other patients, she begins to take steps toward recovery. She continues to receive gifts from a secret admirer who may or may not be her ex.
Unlike most eating disorder books, WHAT I LOST delves more deeply into Elizabeth's mother's undiagnosed eating disorder. Alexandra Ballard does a good job balancing friendship, therapy and family dynamics. Her writing style flows unobtrusively without my needing to stop and shake my head at poor wording. No sentences were that well-written that I paused to reread because of their beauty.
Ballard' major and minor characters had depth and unique backstories, some interesting enough for their own novels.
Elizabeth's linear recovery was somewhat unrealistic, most patients have many more ups and downs, often progressing two steps forward to take a step back. Her 40 day stay in the program was also out of reach for all but wealthy families. The program didn't have anyone leave because insurance ran out due to the abundance of scholarships. If only this were true in real life.
While WHAT I LOST is predictable, I still recommend this optimistic story as better than most books on eating disorders.
June 9, 2017
Holy. Shit. What an incredible story! I had no idea anorexia had so many levels, this was an eye opening novel. I hope everyone adds to their TBR! I cannot wait to write my review.
Review can be found here: https://agingerlyreview.wordpress.com...
I was not prepared for this book to hit me as hard as it did. This was such a compelling and complex journey for a high school female dealing with anorexia. The stigma on today’s teens to look a certain way is overpowering. I’m surprised there aren’t more stories like this on the market.
Elizabeth dropped 4 sizes in a few short months after a painfully traumatic experience with her now ex-boyfriend. She realized the one thing that she could control in her life was food. Soon it became easier and easier to just not eat, or lie to herself that she was full. This was fueled by her mom’s own silent battle with food restriction. Her mom pushed Elizabeth into “losing just a few pounds to look better”. So who cared if Elizabeth considered dinner six small bites of a banana? Certainly nobody in her household. But things became serious when Elizabeth weighed 90 pounds. She was admitted to a health care facility for treatment.
A very, very little known fact about me is that I have a mild form of anorexia. Mine is nowhere as severe as those talked about in this book but it is real nonetheless. That caused me to connect with Elizabeth on a level I wasn’t ready for. I felt I could completely understand her thoughts and feelings. Her struggle was painful, understandable, and it just felt horribly real. Thankfully Elizabeth was not alone in her treatments. A cast of characters are along for the ride, each with their own demons to slay. They all play a bigger part in Elizabeth realizing what she has done to herself and giving her a glimpse of just how bad she could get if she didn’t do something to try to get better. Please know this story is not just about someone battling anorexia, it is also a bit of a love story. There is some romance that happens and it is super sweet. Elizabeth starts to receive mysterious packages while at the facility and she believes it is her ex-boyfriend sending them. How can her ex-boyfriend send her such loving packages when he is the one that sent her into such a downward spiral? Is it even him sending the packages?
So many questions! Will Elizabeth be able to make enough progress to leave the facility? Will she be able to make the tough food decisions on her own outside? What about her friends at school? This was such an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. I could not put this book down once I started. It was such a powerful read and I hope everyone gives it a chance.
Review can be found here: https://agingerlyreview.wordpress.com...
I was not prepared for this book to hit me as hard as it did. This was such a compelling and complex journey for a high school female dealing with anorexia. The stigma on today’s teens to look a certain way is overpowering. I’m surprised there aren’t more stories like this on the market.
Elizabeth dropped 4 sizes in a few short months after a painfully traumatic experience with her now ex-boyfriend. She realized the one thing that she could control in her life was food. Soon it became easier and easier to just not eat, or lie to herself that she was full. This was fueled by her mom’s own silent battle with food restriction. Her mom pushed Elizabeth into “losing just a few pounds to look better”. So who cared if Elizabeth considered dinner six small bites of a banana? Certainly nobody in her household. But things became serious when Elizabeth weighed 90 pounds. She was admitted to a health care facility for treatment.
A very, very little known fact about me is that I have a mild form of anorexia. Mine is nowhere as severe as those talked about in this book but it is real nonetheless. That caused me to connect with Elizabeth on a level I wasn’t ready for. I felt I could completely understand her thoughts and feelings. Her struggle was painful, understandable, and it just felt horribly real. Thankfully Elizabeth was not alone in her treatments. A cast of characters are along for the ride, each with their own demons to slay. They all play a bigger part in Elizabeth realizing what she has done to herself and giving her a glimpse of just how bad she could get if she didn’t do something to try to get better. Please know this story is not just about someone battling anorexia, it is also a bit of a love story. There is some romance that happens and it is super sweet. Elizabeth starts to receive mysterious packages while at the facility and she believes it is her ex-boyfriend sending them. How can her ex-boyfriend send her such loving packages when he is the one that sent her into such a downward spiral? Is it even him sending the packages?
So many questions! Will Elizabeth be able to make enough progress to leave the facility? Will she be able to make the tough food decisions on her own outside? What about her friends at school? This was such an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. I could not put this book down once I started. It was such a powerful read and I hope everyone gives it a chance.
November 22, 2018
3.5 stars
Oh my God, look at that cover! Doesn’t it look delicious? As I read this, I was chomping away on a Ghirardelli Intense Dark chocolate bar with sea salt and almonds, my favorite.
I love reading fiction novels that deal with eating disorders. I don’t have an eating disorder, but I’ve always been fixated with my weight and food. I still do. As far as eating disorder fiction goes, this is a middle-of-the-road read; however, it had the potential of being one of the better ones.
Most of the story takes place at the Wallingfield Psychiatric Facility’s Residential Treatment Center. Sixteen-year-old Elizabeth Barnes becomes a patient for anorexia after she lost forty pounds bringing her down to ninety pounds and a size zero. It’s a typical treatment center with group and individual therapy. There’s art class and they do a lot of journal writing. The staff checks your weight and vitals every morning, and of course, you don’t get to see your weight. They eat three meals and three snacks every day. If you refuse to eat, they ram an Ensure down your throat.
What I liked about this novel is you get to see the emotional struggle they face every day and the common tricks they use to avoid eating. Some novels about eating disorders sound more like a how-to book, which annoys me. This one still included the shortcuts the patients use, but you still got into their minds a little bit about their thought patterns, their eating disorder minds.
While in the treatment facility, Elizabeth makes some great friends — Margot, Lexi, Jean, and Willa. Willa is TWELVE years old! Only one of Elizabeth’s school friends, Katrina, calls her and sends her packages while she’s in the hospital. Elizabeth receives anonymous packages and there are some embarrassing moments for her when she thinks she knows who sent them. And, there’s a bully in school, Heather, who finds joy in humiliating Elizabeth while she struggles with her anorexia. Heather is such an insensitive bitch! Of course, there’s a boy involved, typical teenage drama. Elizabeth mom is such a hypocrite!
I would have liked to read more of the emotional side of the struggle with eating disorders rather than reading about daily life in an eating disorder facility. Like I said, you do get some of the obsessive thinking, but I wanted more of that. If this story had been more of an emotional journey, I would have rounded this up to four stars rather than rounding down.
Overall, I recommend it. It’s a quick read.
Oh my God, look at that cover! Doesn’t it look delicious? As I read this, I was chomping away on a Ghirardelli Intense Dark chocolate bar with sea salt and almonds, my favorite.
I love reading fiction novels that deal with eating disorders. I don’t have an eating disorder, but I’ve always been fixated with my weight and food. I still do. As far as eating disorder fiction goes, this is a middle-of-the-road read; however, it had the potential of being one of the better ones.
Most of the story takes place at the Wallingfield Psychiatric Facility’s Residential Treatment Center. Sixteen-year-old Elizabeth Barnes becomes a patient for anorexia after she lost forty pounds bringing her down to ninety pounds and a size zero. It’s a typical treatment center with group and individual therapy. There’s art class and they do a lot of journal writing. The staff checks your weight and vitals every morning, and of course, you don’t get to see your weight. They eat three meals and three snacks every day. If you refuse to eat, they ram an Ensure down your throat.
What I liked about this novel is you get to see the emotional struggle they face every day and the common tricks they use to avoid eating. Some novels about eating disorders sound more like a how-to book, which annoys me. This one still included the shortcuts the patients use, but you still got into their minds a little bit about their thought patterns, their eating disorder minds.
While in the treatment facility, Elizabeth makes some great friends — Margot, Lexi, Jean, and Willa. Willa is TWELVE years old! Only one of Elizabeth’s school friends, Katrina, calls her and sends her packages while she’s in the hospital. Elizabeth receives anonymous packages and there are some embarrassing moments for her when she thinks she knows who sent them. And, there’s a bully in school, Heather, who finds joy in humiliating Elizabeth while she struggles with her anorexia. Heather is such an insensitive bitch! Of course, there’s a boy involved, typical teenage drama. Elizabeth mom is such a hypocrite!
I would have liked to read more of the emotional side of the struggle with eating disorders rather than reading about daily life in an eating disorder facility. Like I said, you do get some of the obsessive thinking, but I wanted more of that. If this story had been more of an emotional journey, I would have rounded this up to four stars rather than rounding down.
Overall, I recommend it. It’s a quick read.
March 12, 2017
Damn that was powerful and SO addicting. I physically couldn't put this down and read all 400 pages today in basically one sitting. I'm not sure of its accuracy because I have no experience with eating disorders, but wow - if this is what people go through, I am so amazed at the willpower to get through it. I loved Elizabeth because she really tried so hard. Everything about this was top-notch.
Full review:
Trigger warning for eating disorders and some self-harm.
Initial Excitement
I had almost zero thoughts about this book before I started it. I've always been interested in books that involve treatment centers for some strange reason, so I decided to join the ARC tour for this one. I looked at the length of the book, read the synopsis again, and sighed. I figure this was going to take me forever to read and be super heavy. I'm glad that first impressions can be wrong ;)
Quick Summary
Elizabeth is sent away to a treatment facility (that's actually in her hometown) for her anorexia. The story follows her journey and watches her growth throughout the month-long process. She makes friends, tries to develop better eating habits, and struggles with other things in her life. When she first checks in, she receives mysterious packages that seem to point to her ex-boyfriend, so she tries to figure out who they're coming from and why.
Storytelling, Setting, and Feels
GUYS. I physically could not put this book down. I started it on a Saturday morning and before I knew it, 350 pages (out of 400) were read. I stopped a couple times to do quick things around the apartment but I preeeetty much finished it in one shot. For a "difficult" book with tough topics, it was so easy to keep reading. I know part of it was my weird fascination with books set in treatment facilities (oh, that just inspired a new read-bait post!
Full review:
Trigger warning for eating disorders and some self-harm.
Initial Excitement
I had almost zero thoughts about this book before I started it. I've always been interested in books that involve treatment centers for some strange reason, so I decided to join the ARC tour for this one. I looked at the length of the book, read the synopsis again, and sighed. I figure this was going to take me forever to read and be super heavy. I'm glad that first impressions can be wrong ;)
Quick Summary
Elizabeth is sent away to a treatment facility (that's actually in her hometown) for her anorexia. The story follows her journey and watches her growth throughout the month-long process. She makes friends, tries to develop better eating habits, and struggles with other things in her life. When she first checks in, she receives mysterious packages that seem to point to her ex-boyfriend, so she tries to figure out who they're coming from and why.
Storytelling, Setting, and Feels
GUYS. I physically could not put this book down. I started it on a Saturday morning and before I knew it, 350 pages (out of 400) were read. I stopped a couple times to do quick things around the apartment but I preeeetty much finished it in one shot. For a "difficult" book with tough topics, it was so easy to keep reading. I know part of it was my weird fascination with books set in treatment facilities (oh, that just inspired a new read-bait post!
September 12, 2021
‘“You have been through a war, and you’ve won”. The war wasn’t over. I had so much more work to do. I’d win a few big battles, and that counted for something’
I bought this book because a booktuber I like just read it, and also because I deal with issues with eating disorders (currently trying to recover) myself. I read this after reading paperweight, and this was a good read, but it felt more sugar coated and more like a YA set within an ED hospital rather than a YA about ED’s. Maybe that was due to me coming straight off of reading paperweight (which was raw af), but either way... it almost made me want to do inpatient.. lol.
This book is a good lightweight read within the ED setting, while also hugely being based on friendship, romance, and family dynamic. In fact my favourite part of this book was the main character Elizabeth’s (is anyone else sick of this name??) relationship and confrontation with her mother. I’d totally read a companion novel from the POV of her mother.
The characters are all kinda skin deep, but still kinda fun to read about. It does talk about the diversity of people in inpatient a little, too.
I feel like this book is maybe better suited for a younger / more naive audience. Personally I like things to be raw and uncut and brutally honest, and unfortunately this did not deliver for me in those aspects.
All together I’m giving this a 3 star rating because I liked it, it didn’t really have any major flaws apart from it just not being my taste. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I bought this book because a booktuber I like just read it, and also because I deal with issues with eating disorders (currently trying to recover) myself. I read this after reading paperweight, and this was a good read, but it felt more sugar coated and more like a YA set within an ED hospital rather than a YA about ED’s. Maybe that was due to me coming straight off of reading paperweight (which was raw af), but either way... it almost made me want to do inpatient.. lol.
This book is a good lightweight read within the ED setting, while also hugely being based on friendship, romance, and family dynamic. In fact my favourite part of this book was the main character Elizabeth’s (is anyone else sick of this name??) relationship and confrontation with her mother. I’d totally read a companion novel from the POV of her mother.
The characters are all kinda skin deep, but still kinda fun to read about. It does talk about the diversity of people in inpatient a little, too.
I feel like this book is maybe better suited for a younger / more naive audience. Personally I like things to be raw and uncut and brutally honest, and unfortunately this did not deliver for me in those aspects.
All together I’m giving this a 3 star rating because I liked it, it didn’t really have any major flaws apart from it just not being my taste. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
February 12, 2022
3,5 stars rounded down. It was good, I think it handled its difficult subject realistically and sensitively, but I don't have personal experience with anorexia so I'm really not the most qualified person to talk about accuracy. I liked the girls in the treatment centre, though the author could have delved a little deeper with them.
Missing 2 stars because the romance was completely unnecessary (I get that Elizabeth already had plenty of friends and needed some "spice" in the form of a romance in her life to help her get over Charlie, but I hate that a romantic subplot got shoved in a book where the character didn't need more stuff on her plate when she already couldn't handle what she had- pun intended. Like I mentioned before, all that time could have been devoted to something else, like the other girls), it was ultimately kind of dull (Elizabeth isn't the most exciting narrator), and it wrapped up quite suddenly in the end, ending exactly when things started getting interesting with Elizabeth's return to her "old life". Felt like the author either ran out of pages or just wanted to get the book over with. The book generally lost a bunch of its momentum after she gets out of the treatment centre.
Granted, I don't really connect to YA stories much anymore, so maybe that's at fault as well.
Missing 2 stars because the romance was completely unnecessary (I get that Elizabeth already had plenty of friends and needed some "spice" in the form of a romance in her life to help her get over Charlie, but I hate that a romantic subplot got shoved in a book where the character didn't need more stuff on her plate when she already couldn't handle what she had- pun intended. Like I mentioned before, all that time could have been devoted to something else, like the other girls), it was ultimately kind of dull (Elizabeth isn't the most exciting narrator), and it wrapped up quite suddenly in the end, ending exactly when things started getting interesting with Elizabeth's return to her "old life". Felt like the author either ran out of pages or just wanted to get the book over with. The book generally lost a bunch of its momentum after she gets out of the treatment centre.
Granted, I don't really connect to YA stories much anymore, so maybe that's at fault as well.
Read
June 7, 2020I can’t give that book a rating because it just feel too personal and I don’t know I just can’t think about any rating.
First big trigger warning about eating disorders and a little bit about self harmed.
Anyway I’m not going to speak about this book anywhere else so let’s speak a little bit about it here. First when I start this book i know it would be triggering, not gonna lie that kind of why I read it, I know it’s bad, please don’t do it, it just make things worse. Anyway it make the job no surprise.
I do think that if you don’t have any struggle with food and body image it can really help to understand better what it is to have an eating disorder. And maybe if you are in recovery maybe it can motivate you but otherwise don’t make the same mistake that I do and just don’t read it.
(Sorry for all the misspelling but I’m french and still learning how to write without it)
First big trigger warning about eating disorders and a little bit about self harmed.
Anyway I’m not going to speak about this book anywhere else so let’s speak a little bit about it here. First when I start this book i know it would be triggering, not gonna lie that kind of why I read it, I know it’s bad, please don’t do it, it just make things worse. Anyway it make the job no surprise.
I do think that if you don’t have any struggle with food and body image it can really help to understand better what it is to have an eating disorder. And maybe if you are in recovery maybe it can motivate you but otherwise don’t make the same mistake that I do and just don’t read it.
(Sorry for all the misspelling but I’m french and still learning how to write without it)
February 10, 2022
I think it depicted a true and honest story of someone battling anorexia.
September 20, 2017
This went better than I thought it would. Since this is about an eating disorder I wasn't sure how rough it was going to be. Like anybody is this situation she had some ups and downs but luckily with help she overcame it.
August 20, 2018
i honestly don't even know where to start. this might be my most personal review yet, but i have to start somewhere and i HAVE to write about it so i guess i'll just go with: there are no words to describe how i felt about this book, and how much i loved it - more than that, how much it meant to me - not just as a reader, but as someone who's been through the same struggles as the characters. it's a rare occurrence for me to read contemporary of any kind (and enjoy it), but this book was so much more than that. have you ever wished someone could take your thoughts, as ugly and raw as they are, and put them on paper so you can look at yourself from the perspective of an outsider? this is what happened here. it was like someone was pulling my own thoughts from my head - back when my eating disorder was at its peak, or at its start. it's so hard to put yourself in other people's shoes when your own mind is screaming at you, and this book did it so well: elizabeth (the mc) is so likeable and yet - as much as i hate to use this word because i don't think it even BEGINS to cover the importance of her character AND her journey - relatable to people who are, have been or might be battling an eating disorder. however, something that completely took me by surprise and blew my mind was the fact that (unlike many other books and the general portrayal of eds in media) it wasn't so much about the disorder as it was about the recovery, and that is EXTREMELY important. it didn't take away from the story or the severity of the struggle, but it also painted it in a realistic, albeit difficult to digest (literally) light. it was very difficult for me to get through certain chapters just because they felt so real and raw to me, it really was like reliving a harsh reality you'd created yourself. i'd advice people who might be sensitive to triggers that have to do with eds (especially food and weight count/obsession) to tread carefully even though everything - and i do mean EVERYTHING is handled with so much sensitivity and care. i don't know if any medical specialists were involved, but it seemed genuine and legitimate, and i really wish i'd had that book back then, when meeting elizabeth might have felt like looking in mirror. to everyone who wants to be seen without feeling like their someone's profiting off their illness and struggles, romanticizing something that's already surrounded by so many ugly, toxic stereotypes: PLEASE read this. i guarantee it will change your life - or at least your view on certain things.
a little about the characters:
i saw a bit of myself in everyone, but i think my favorite was actually lexi. she's someone who tries her best even if her best isn't good enough sometimes, and she's incredibly supportive of her friends. as a matter of fact, the friendship elizabeth made with all the other girls at wallingfield might be my favorite thing about the book (other than it being informative and respectful, of course): it gives the reader a sense of hopefulness that makes up for all the heartache one might feel otherwise. it's equal parts bittersweet and full of light, and the girls were WONDERFUL - just absolutely beautiful. except heather, of course, she can ch*ke (but then again, she represented the ignorant part of the world - the bully, the setback, the obstacle to happiness and some semblance of a peace of mind).
i'm also very happy elizabeth did NOT start [spoiler] dating tristan. i think it would have been a bit too mushy and unrealistic, and it would have deterred her from her path that was wholly and entirely her own.
karen... she was a lot to take in, mostly because some parts of her relationship with elizabeth felt a bit too personal, but her own journey and character development were so, SO good. i'm glad the book explored that to such a great extent, because child-parent dynamics are always hard to pin down, even without the addition of an ed that's constantly messing with their relationship.
final verdict: this book is ALL about self-growth, acceptance, but also the cold, harsh reality that is dealing with an eating disorder - both pre and post. it's not always easy, it's not always pretty and it's definitely nothing to glorify; some days are harder than the rest. but, like the final paragraph reminds us, maybe you haven't won the war (yet), but you've definitely won many, many battles - big ones. and we'll all be here tomorrow.
thank you.
a little about the characters:
i saw a bit of myself in everyone, but i think my favorite was actually lexi. she's someone who tries her best even if her best isn't good enough sometimes, and she's incredibly supportive of her friends. as a matter of fact, the friendship elizabeth made with all the other girls at wallingfield might be my favorite thing about the book (other than it being informative and respectful, of course): it gives the reader a sense of hopefulness that makes up for all the heartache one might feel otherwise. it's equal parts bittersweet and full of light, and the girls were WONDERFUL - just absolutely beautiful. except heather, of course, she can ch*ke (but then again, she represented the ignorant part of the world - the bully, the setback, the obstacle to happiness and some semblance of a peace of mind).
i'm also very happy elizabeth did NOT start [spoiler] dating tristan. i think it would have been a bit too mushy and unrealistic, and it would have deterred her from her path that was wholly and entirely her own.
karen... she was a lot to take in, mostly because some parts of her relationship with elizabeth felt a bit too personal, but her own journey and character development were so, SO good. i'm glad the book explored that to such a great extent, because child-parent dynamics are always hard to pin down, even without the addition of an ed that's constantly messing with their relationship.
final verdict: this book is ALL about self-growth, acceptance, but also the cold, harsh reality that is dealing with an eating disorder - both pre and post. it's not always easy, it's not always pretty and it's definitely nothing to glorify; some days are harder than the rest. but, like the final paragraph reminds us, maybe you haven't won the war (yet), but you've definitely won many, many battles - big ones. and we'll all be here tomorrow.
thank you.
January 30, 2019
I think I really needed this right now
January 20, 2019
4.5 stars: I can't even really describe how this book made me feel but I just kept turning the pages because I needed to know what happened to the girls at Wallingfield (The eating disorder facility) and how they were doing. Reading how the girls felt about their bodies was heartbreaking and it shows why being body positive is so important because eating disorders are dangerous. I highly recommend this book.
July 9, 2021
⭐️3.5⭐️
⚠️TW⚠️:
•Anorexia
•Romanticizes Anorexia
•Purging
•Eating Disorders (theme)
Ummmm I don’t know what to say about this book,
it took me a little longer to finish than expected but I liked it.
The big font/letters really bothered me idk why, maybe I’m just used to little letters, and I know it sounds stupid but the font made the book a little childish ig, like it was meant for younger people :/ but this is definitely a ME problem, before anyone says anything.
I’ve never had an eating disorder or really struggled with my body image, but the thoughts were somehow relatable, I think almost every teenager has struggled with body image, some worse than others but still, I feel like most teens will be able to relate to some of the feelings Elizabeth had.
The eating disorder itself was pretty well written (from my perspective) I don’t have a lot of knowledge about Anorexia, I mean I’ve never experienced it, so I don’t think I’m one to judge.
The writing was meh. As I said before this took me more time to finish than I thought it would’ve, I’m sort of in a reading marathon, trying to finish every book in less than a day no matter how long the book is,
at first I thought this book would be easy because of the giant letters/words but it actually took me 2/3 days too finish, so the writing itself was a little boring and not really catchy.
A Quote I Liked: "𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬. 𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧
𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧! 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬!"
"𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐱, 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐱? 𝐎𝐫 𝐩𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚? 𝐎𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐮? 𝐍𝐨, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞. 𝐄𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠"
⚠️TW⚠️:
•Anorexia
•Romanticizes Anorexia
•Purging
•Eating Disorders (theme)
Ummmm I don’t know what to say about this book,
it took me a little longer to finish than expected but I liked it.
The big font/letters really bothered me idk why, maybe I’m just used to little letters, and I know it sounds stupid but the font made the book a little childish ig, like it was meant for younger people :/ but this is definitely a ME problem, before anyone says anything.
I’ve never had an eating disorder or really struggled with my body image, but the thoughts were somehow relatable, I think almost every teenager has struggled with body image, some worse than others but still, I feel like most teens will be able to relate to some of the feelings Elizabeth had.
The eating disorder itself was pretty well written (from my perspective) I don’t have a lot of knowledge about Anorexia, I mean I’ve never experienced it, so I don’t think I’m one to judge.
The writing was meh. As I said before this took me more time to finish than I thought it would’ve, I’m sort of in a reading marathon, trying to finish every book in less than a day no matter how long the book is,
at first I thought this book would be easy because of the giant letters/words but it actually took me 2/3 days too finish, so the writing itself was a little boring and not really catchy.
A Quote I Liked: "𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬. 𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧
𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧! 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬!"
"𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐱, 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐱? 𝐎𝐫 𝐩𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚? 𝐎𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐮? 𝐍𝐨, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞. 𝐄𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠"
August 1, 2020
TW: anorexia
i’d like everyone to know that my entire heart now belongs to Elizabeth Barnes. her growth in this story is absolutely breathtaking and, even though my heart shattered for her so many times, i adore and admire her so much. fortunately, i’ve never had to go through anything similar to Elizabeth’s experiences, but the way the author wrote this story felt so raw and authentic. i think this is an own voices novel, so that explain how completely honest this book felt. i got to see elizabeth’s illness for what it was: an obsession with control (self-control?) every time Elizabeth overcame her anorexia in some small way, i felt myself rooting for her. i love her so much. i love everything the author conveyed in this novel. i just wished she would’ve included a couple more things.
now, like i said, i’m pretty sure this is an own voices novel, so parts of this likely reflect the author’s own experiences, and weren’t too intentional. however, the lack of representation of PoC with anorexia disappointed me. for some reason, i had this expectation that, since this was published in 2017, the author would’ve included anorexics who aren’t white to show that anorexia has no color, but... she didn’t. this was still a great book, but i kind of was let down in that aspect.
aside from that, though, i loved the things that she DID include. for example, the dynamic between Elizabeth and her mother was something that really added to the story, in my opinion. Young Adult literature has this thing where we pretend that parents don’t exist and that they have zero impact on their children’s lives, but this book completely shatters that idea.
i could go on about how great this novel is, but i’m gonna leave it at saying that, if you’re mentally in a place where you can handle a novel with graphic descriptions of anorexia, GO READ THIS BOOK.
i’d like everyone to know that my entire heart now belongs to Elizabeth Barnes. her growth in this story is absolutely breathtaking and, even though my heart shattered for her so many times, i adore and admire her so much. fortunately, i’ve never had to go through anything similar to Elizabeth’s experiences, but the way the author wrote this story felt so raw and authentic. i think this is an own voices novel, so that explain how completely honest this book felt. i got to see elizabeth’s illness for what it was: an obsession with control (self-control?) every time Elizabeth overcame her anorexia in some small way, i felt myself rooting for her. i love her so much. i love everything the author conveyed in this novel. i just wished she would’ve included a couple more things.
now, like i said, i’m pretty sure this is an own voices novel, so parts of this likely reflect the author’s own experiences, and weren’t too intentional. however, the lack of representation of PoC with anorexia disappointed me. for some reason, i had this expectation that, since this was published in 2017, the author would’ve included anorexics who aren’t white to show that anorexia has no color, but... she didn’t. this was still a great book, but i kind of was let down in that aspect.
aside from that, though, i loved the things that she DID include. for example, the dynamic between Elizabeth and her mother was something that really added to the story, in my opinion. Young Adult literature has this thing where we pretend that parents don’t exist and that they have zero impact on their children’s lives, but this book completely shatters that idea.
i could go on about how great this novel is, but i’m gonna leave it at saying that, if you’re mentally in a place where you can handle a novel with graphic descriptions of anorexia, GO READ THIS BOOK.
March 12, 2018
Trigger warnings: eating disorders, mentions of self harm, mental health, bullying, terrible parenting.
I've been looking for a while now for a YA contemporary that's similar to Paperweight, and in this I think I've finally found it. This wasn't as emotionally hard hitting as Paperweight is, simply because it doesn't also have the grief element to the story.
HOWEVER. This was still a really solid story about a teenage girl being admitted to an eating disorder clinic and fighting against recovery. I loved that it dealt with the medical impact that having an eating disorder has on your body - the hair growth, the osteoporosis, the heart problems, the fact that getting your period feels like you're losing the battle.
I really enjoyed the fact that it looked at the whole picture where in-patient treatments are concerned - it's not just learning that food isn't the enemy. There's group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, girls trying to sneak their food out of the dining room by any number of means. I appreciated the fact that it emphasises the importance of a support network, and how common it is for those with eating disorders to relapse, and that an eating disorder can't be fixed in forty days.
I did think the story with Elizabeth's mother could have been a LITTLE more fleshed out than it was, but at the same time, I kind of understand why it wasn't.
Still, it reminded me a LOT of my teen years when my cousin was in and out of residential clinics and hospitals, when she flip flopped between feeding tubes and being forced to drink high calorie milkshake-y drinks, and I cried a couple of times as a result.
I've been looking for a while now for a YA contemporary that's similar to Paperweight, and in this I think I've finally found it. This wasn't as emotionally hard hitting as Paperweight is, simply because it doesn't also have the grief element to the story.
HOWEVER. This was still a really solid story about a teenage girl being admitted to an eating disorder clinic and fighting against recovery. I loved that it dealt with the medical impact that having an eating disorder has on your body - the hair growth, the osteoporosis, the heart problems, the fact that getting your period feels like you're losing the battle.
I really enjoyed the fact that it looked at the whole picture where in-patient treatments are concerned - it's not just learning that food isn't the enemy. There's group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, girls trying to sneak their food out of the dining room by any number of means. I appreciated the fact that it emphasises the importance of a support network, and how common it is for those with eating disorders to relapse, and that an eating disorder can't be fixed in forty days.
I did think the story with Elizabeth's mother could have been a LITTLE more fleshed out than it was, but at the same time, I kind of understand why it wasn't.
Still, it reminded me a LOT of my teen years when my cousin was in and out of residential clinics and hospitals, when she flip flopped between feeding tubes and being forced to drink high calorie milkshake-y drinks, and I cried a couple of times as a result.
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