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Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
A source of hope, expert advice, and guidance for people with borderline personality disorder and those who love them
Do you experience frightening, often violent mood swings that make you fear for your sanity? Are you often depressed? Do you engage in self-destructive behaviors such as drug or alcohol abuse, anorexia, compulsive eating, self-cutting, and hair pulling? Do you feel empty inside, or as if you don't know who you are? Do you dread being alone and fear abandonment? Do you have trouble finishing projects, keeping a job, or forming lasting relationships?
If you or someone you love answered yes to the majority of these questions, there's a good chance that you or that person suffers from borderline personality disorder, a commonly misunderstood and misdiagnosed psychological problem afflicting tens of millions of people. Princess Diana was one of the most well-known BPD sufferers.
As a source of hope and practical advice for BPD sufferers and those who love them, this new book by Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus, bestselling authors of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, offers proven techniques that help you:
* Manage mood swings
* Develop lasting relationships
* Improve your self-esteem
* Keep negative thoughts at bay
* Control destructive impulses
* Understand your treatment options
* Find professional help
Do you experience frightening, often violent mood swings that make you fear for your sanity? Are you often depressed? Do you engage in self-destructive behaviors such as drug or alcohol abuse, anorexia, compulsive eating, self-cutting, and hair pulling? Do you feel empty inside, or as if you don't know who you are? Do you dread being alone and fear abandonment? Do you have trouble finishing projects, keeping a job, or forming lasting relationships?
If you or someone you love answered yes to the majority of these questions, there's a good chance that you or that person suffers from borderline personality disorder, a commonly misunderstood and misdiagnosed psychological problem afflicting tens of millions of people. Princess Diana was one of the most well-known BPD sufferers.
As a source of hope and practical advice for BPD sufferers and those who love them, this new book by Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus, bestselling authors of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, offers proven techniques that help you:
* Manage mood swings
* Develop lasting relationships
* Improve your self-esteem
* Keep negative thoughts at bay
* Control destructive impulses
* Understand your treatment options
* Find professional help
256 pages, Paperback
First published February 25, 2004
315 people are currently reading
3580 people want to read
About the author
Jerold J. Kreisman
7 books77 followersJerold Kreisman, M.D., is a psychiatrist and best-selling author. His books, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, and Sometimes I Act Crazy. have been translated into several languages around the world. He is an Associate Clinical Professor at St. Louis University and has been designated a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He has lectured widely in both this country and abroad, and has appeared on many media programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
August 29, 2012
I wish someone would write one of these books FOR the person with BPD and not the psychologists and doctors. All of the technical and medical stuff goes right over my head. Write a book for us please.
March 2, 2010
I wouldn't recommend this book to people with Borderline PDO or families/friends of.
It's a pretty decent overview of the disorder for mental health professionals, but I think a little bit too detailed for the lay public. He talks some abou theorists (seriously, do you the average person wants to hear about Kernberg and Erikson) and touches on medication management - not enough to be detailed, but enough to be dangerous (a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...)
Not clear if it is for the patient or the family members. He has a section at the end of each chapter that consists of practical tips (how to handle abandonment issues, anger etc), but sometimes it is for the patient and sometimes for the family. Really inconsistent.
There are little things that annoy me. He references random cultural references; I don't know if he does it to seem cool or worldly, but they are useless. He quotes Hamlet, then talks about Star Trek (I had no idea what he was referring to here.) He then compares a very important concept to a Woody Allen movie, Zelig. ???? I actually like Woody Allen, and I've never seen this movie, so the point was completely lost.
I do have a problem with some of the vignettes (I agree with another review below about how they're voyeuristic), but also in one story, the psychiatrist clearly had boundary problems - VERY bad for the borderline, esp one who might be reading the book, then say "well the doctor in that book went to the patient's personal event..."
So overall, Would not recommend to patients and their families, which is it's intent.
My credentials: I'm a psychiatrist, with considerable therapy training.
It's a pretty decent overview of the disorder for mental health professionals, but I think a little bit too detailed for the lay public. He talks some abou theorists (seriously, do you the average person wants to hear about Kernberg and Erikson) and touches on medication management - not enough to be detailed, but enough to be dangerous (a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...)
Not clear if it is for the patient or the family members. He has a section at the end of each chapter that consists of practical tips (how to handle abandonment issues, anger etc), but sometimes it is for the patient and sometimes for the family. Really inconsistent.
There are little things that annoy me. He references random cultural references; I don't know if he does it to seem cool or worldly, but they are useless. He quotes Hamlet, then talks about Star Trek (I had no idea what he was referring to here.) He then compares a very important concept to a Woody Allen movie, Zelig. ???? I actually like Woody Allen, and I've never seen this movie, so the point was completely lost.
I do have a problem with some of the vignettes (I agree with another review below about how they're voyeuristic), but also in one story, the psychiatrist clearly had boundary problems - VERY bad for the borderline, esp one who might be reading the book, then say "well the doctor in that book went to the patient's personal event..."
So overall, Would not recommend to patients and their families, which is it's intent.
My credentials: I'm a psychiatrist, with considerable therapy training.
August 5, 2008
I chose "read" only because "kind of skimmed through" was not an option.
My review is lengthy, but if you read it, you can save your time and skip the book, because it is full similar (but in my opinion less realistic) case studies, and there is a lot of uncertainty in causes of borderline and prognosis of individuals.
This book by the same authors of I Hate You Don't Leave Me gives updates on the causes of borderline and the prognosis for a borderline patient. There are a couple significant frustrations. For the diagnostician, therapist, and client, it is nearly pointless to pinpoint an exact cause. Some research shows it is nurture (biological), others nature (environmental), but most say it is some combination of the two. There are specific brain patterns, etc., shown in borderline patients, but these show up in some people without borderline...all confusing. The frustration for both therapist and client is that a symptom is for the client to abandon treatment when things get intense, which of course halts the progress that is being made in therapy, so the prognosis is poor on average but good for those who stay in therapy. The problem with all this is that pretty much every detail of life is intense for a borderline patient. Most people experience intense moments from time to time, maybe weekly or daily, but for a person with borderline, every thought, movement, and especially relationship is outrageously intense. The natural reaction is to seek less intense experiences, so sticking with therapy can be excruciating. Before this occurs, the therapist and client ideally come to an understanding of the importance of therapy and how it eventually helps ease the intensity of life experiences.
This updated book does discuss some medications that are somewhat successful and can be used short- or long-term, depending on the patient. Average length of psychotherapy is 5-10 years.
(Some of this stuff I may have gleaned from other books or personal experience, but that's the run-down.)
My review is lengthy, but if you read it, you can save your time and skip the book, because it is full similar (but in my opinion less realistic) case studies, and there is a lot of uncertainty in causes of borderline and prognosis of individuals.
This book by the same authors of I Hate You Don't Leave Me gives updates on the causes of borderline and the prognosis for a borderline patient. There are a couple significant frustrations. For the diagnostician, therapist, and client, it is nearly pointless to pinpoint an exact cause. Some research shows it is nurture (biological), others nature (environmental), but most say it is some combination of the two. There are specific brain patterns, etc., shown in borderline patients, but these show up in some people without borderline...all confusing. The frustration for both therapist and client is that a symptom is for the client to abandon treatment when things get intense, which of course halts the progress that is being made in therapy, so the prognosis is poor on average but good for those who stay in therapy. The problem with all this is that pretty much every detail of life is intense for a borderline patient. Most people experience intense moments from time to time, maybe weekly or daily, but for a person with borderline, every thought, movement, and especially relationship is outrageously intense. The natural reaction is to seek less intense experiences, so sticking with therapy can be excruciating. Before this occurs, the therapist and client ideally come to an understanding of the importance of therapy and how it eventually helps ease the intensity of life experiences.
This updated book does discuss some medications that are somewhat successful and can be used short- or long-term, depending on the patient. Average length of psychotherapy is 5-10 years.
(Some of this stuff I may have gleaned from other books or personal experience, but that's the run-down.)
March 27, 2016
I read this despite the off-putting title and mediocre reviews, and as expected it's sort of a mixed bag but it was helpful.
it's a quick read, and I appreciate that each characteristic gets a chapter and then each chapter is similarly subdivided, but I agree that the real life examples veer into the excessive. They also seem very...extreme? In the beginning there's a very brief discussion of thinking about bpd symptoms on a scale, not a you-have-it-or-you-don't, but reading the examples it's like nope it's obvious!!! child abuse!! 3 marriages!!! chaos!!! (all real, terrible thing people should be cognizant of, but yikes) Which is both discouraging and maybe not helpful, especially for self dxers.
The book is definitely not sure who it's directed at, but overall the info seems good so anyone could probably benefit. I almost tossed the book at the suggestion that "sexual confusion (eg. bisexuality)" was a sign of bpd so maybe keep in mind the authors aren't great at teasing out structural violence in their analysis. The abundance of references is another weird quirk, my personal favorite being, "unlike the cheese in 'The Farmer In The Dell," BPD rarely stands alone." well ok then.
it's a quick read, and I appreciate that each characteristic gets a chapter and then each chapter is similarly subdivided, but I agree that the real life examples veer into the excessive. They also seem very...extreme? In the beginning there's a very brief discussion of thinking about bpd symptoms on a scale, not a you-have-it-or-you-don't, but reading the examples it's like nope it's obvious!!! child abuse!! 3 marriages!!! chaos!!! (all real, terrible thing people should be cognizant of, but yikes) Which is both discouraging and maybe not helpful, especially for self dxers.
The book is definitely not sure who it's directed at, but overall the info seems good so anyone could probably benefit. I almost tossed the book at the suggestion that "sexual confusion (eg. bisexuality)" was a sign of bpd so maybe keep in mind the authors aren't great at teasing out structural violence in their analysis. The abundance of references is another weird quirk, my personal favorite being, "unlike the cheese in 'The Farmer In The Dell," BPD rarely stands alone." well ok then.
Read
February 27, 2012Ok, this book may just edge out the other contender for "best title" award (Not Everyone Gets a Trophy)! Just after borrowing this from a co-worker, I went around the office holding it up to make a public service announcement: Guess what, everyone... in case you haven't noticed... just thought you should know... Sometimes, I Act Crazy.
More reviewishness to come.
OK.
I wanted to like this book, buuut....
- the authors can't seem to decide whether this book is written for the person suffering from BPD, or the sufferer's loved ones. The action items at the ends of the chapters might be aimed at one, or possibly the other. You don't know which it'll be and there seems to be no particular rhyme or reason for why any given chapter is directed towards one and not the other. So if you're a sufferer looking for ways to address your self-destructive tendencies, tough luck. You'll have to get a loved one to help you.
- There are "action items" at the end of every chapter except the one about mood instability. WTF?! WHAT IF YOU WANT SOME TIPS ON HANDLING YOUR MOOD INSTABILITY? (You know, so that, for example, you don't have to fly into a random rage in the middle of writing a book review?) No really, though, what a grievous ommission! It was like the authors were going, "Well, I don't know WHAT people can do about this symptom... eh, let's just leave it blank. Maybe no one will notice!"
- the writing style is pretty hokey throughout. I read the case-study-portraits at the beginning of the chapters and thought, yeah, I see what you're TRYING to do... they're really stilted and irritating. Especially the first-person one from the guy who keeps saying things like, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Doc." Come on.
More reviewishness to come.
OK.
I wanted to like this book, buuut....
- the authors can't seem to decide whether this book is written for the person suffering from BPD, or the sufferer's loved ones. The action items at the ends of the chapters might be aimed at one, or possibly the other. You don't know which it'll be and there seems to be no particular rhyme or reason for why any given chapter is directed towards one and not the other. So if you're a sufferer looking for ways to address your self-destructive tendencies, tough luck. You'll have to get a loved one to help you.
- There are "action items" at the end of every chapter except the one about mood instability. WTF?! WHAT IF YOU WANT SOME TIPS ON HANDLING YOUR MOOD INSTABILITY? (You know, so that, for example, you don't have to fly into a random rage in the middle of writing a book review?) No really, though, what a grievous ommission! It was like the authors were going, "Well, I don't know WHAT people can do about this symptom... eh, let's just leave it blank. Maybe no one will notice!"
- the writing style is pretty hokey throughout. I read the case-study-portraits at the beginning of the chapters and thought, yeah, I see what you're TRYING to do... they're really stilted and irritating. Especially the first-person one from the guy who keeps saying things like, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Doc." Come on.
November 20, 2017
This is a good book if you have an academic interest in BPD or psychology in general.
If someone you know has BPD and you want to get a better idea of this ailment in order to be more supportive to the borderliners then you can read this book but I would recommend to google about this and learn from the articles available online rather than reading this book. The cases presented in this book are very extreme and those cases give the impression that dealing with BPD Is very complicated and difficult. But it might not be the case with everyone. The best approach, in my opinion, is to seek professional help and therapy rather than reading about it.
If you’ve BPD, then don’t read this book. In my opinion, it’ll just depress you more. The message, I found in this book, is that Borderlines can’t do anything themselves to get better. There are no pills for them. There’s no self-therapy for them. The treatment for BPD needs a dedicated and consistent support from the therapist and from the people around the Borderline. No, or a very little, treatment for BPD in this book is addressed to the Borderlines. Instead, it presents guidelines and recommendation on how to deal with the Borderlines, addressed to the therapists and people in relationships with the Borderlines. And Borderlines are likely to find it ironic because if they could believe that someone would be willing to put up so much effort to live with them then they wouldn’t suffer from the BPD in the first place.
I think it’s a very good reference material for the professional therapists and students. And people dealing with the Borderlines can also learn a lot about BPD from this book. But I think, after reading this book Borderlines themselves would feel more discomfort in their lives than they already do.
If someone you know has BPD and you want to get a better idea of this ailment in order to be more supportive to the borderliners then you can read this book but I would recommend to google about this and learn from the articles available online rather than reading this book. The cases presented in this book are very extreme and those cases give the impression that dealing with BPD Is very complicated and difficult. But it might not be the case with everyone. The best approach, in my opinion, is to seek professional help and therapy rather than reading about it.
If you’ve BPD, then don’t read this book. In my opinion, it’ll just depress you more. The message, I found in this book, is that Borderlines can’t do anything themselves to get better. There are no pills for them. There’s no self-therapy for them. The treatment for BPD needs a dedicated and consistent support from the therapist and from the people around the Borderline. No, or a very little, treatment for BPD in this book is addressed to the Borderlines. Instead, it presents guidelines and recommendation on how to deal with the Borderlines, addressed to the therapists and people in relationships with the Borderlines. And Borderlines are likely to find it ironic because if they could believe that someone would be willing to put up so much effort to live with them then they wouldn’t suffer from the BPD in the first place.
I think it’s a very good reference material for the professional therapists and students. And people dealing with the Borderlines can also learn a lot about BPD from this book. But I think, after reading this book Borderlines themselves would feel more discomfort in their lives than they already do.
December 17, 2007
Although typically helpful in providing insight/understanding of the subject at hand, the anecdotal testimonies in this book actually served to enervate the reader, rendering her lazy about getting through the parts that expound upon understanding this very frustrating disorder. The "personal stories" are long and there is an almost palpable shift from the purposeful conveyance of events to just plain bad, daytime television-esque writing (wait, isn't that phrase in itself redundant)?
It seems Dr. Kreisman participated in a writer's workshop at University. But, if you can get past this distraction, there is something to be learned about the struggle to establish one's identity and keep it safe from everyone else's; an experience I think everyone can share in to at least some degree.
It seems Dr. Kreisman participated in a writer's workshop at University. But, if you can get past this distraction, there is something to be learned about the struggle to establish one's identity and keep it safe from everyone else's; an experience I think everyone can share in to at least some degree.
July 23, 2018
Honestly, I loved I Hate You Don’t Leave Me, but this book doesn’t measure up at all.
An interesting read if you want some insight on bpd, but I would say read with caution if you personally suffer from this disorder. There are things I found offensive. Ie: “minimize this spreading psychiatric plague”.
And reading a case study about a therapist attending a visitation at a patients home!? A terrible thing to teach borderlines..
Overall, I think it was worth the read. It helped me recognize that certain thoughts/actions of mine relate to having bpd. And taught me some coping mechanisms (mainly gave me tools to help those around me—-which in turn helps me). Just don’t expect anything life changing.
An interesting read if you want some insight on bpd, but I would say read with caution if you personally suffer from this disorder. There are things I found offensive. Ie: “minimize this spreading psychiatric plague”.
And reading a case study about a therapist attending a visitation at a patients home!? A terrible thing to teach borderlines..
Overall, I think it was worth the read. It helped me recognize that certain thoughts/actions of mine relate to having bpd. And taught me some coping mechanisms (mainly gave me tools to help those around me—-which in turn helps me). Just don’t expect anything life changing.
January 26, 2018
Intelligent and Entertainingly Informative
::possible spoilers::
My mom got me this book a few years after I was diagnosed with BPD, and struggling with the diagnosed and therapy and feeling like I had no control. I threw it in the back of my closet because I was just ANGRY, and it was lost. Now, years later, I have a better therapist and am more properly medicated, and Amazon suggested it for my Kindle. I finally understand WHY I do the things I do, and when not always the why, the because. And the real-life examples he gave were practically ripped from the headlines of my life. I would recommend this book to anyone with, or newly diagnosed with, BPD, know someone with BPD, are taking a psych class, are interested in psych, are a psych or civil servant major. I recommend all health workers read this, and I recommend the police read this. It could save lives.
::possible spoilers::
My mom got me this book a few years after I was diagnosed with BPD, and struggling with the diagnosed and therapy and feeling like I had no control. I threw it in the back of my closet because I was just ANGRY, and it was lost. Now, years later, I have a better therapist and am more properly medicated, and Amazon suggested it for my Kindle. I finally understand WHY I do the things I do, and when not always the why, the because. And the real-life examples he gave were practically ripped from the headlines of my life. I would recommend this book to anyone with, or newly diagnosed with, BPD, know someone with BPD, are taking a psych class, are interested in psych, are a psych or civil servant major. I recommend all health workers read this, and I recommend the police read this. It could save lives.
September 3, 2013
It was hard to rate this book as I felt that it rates differently depending on the audience. As someone who supports individuals in the mental health field, I found it informative. However, the book is actually not primarily intended for me, but rather for individuals struggling with BPD themelves. In this regard I thought the book missed its goal on several fronts. Despite its disclaimer around simplifying language without the intention of labeling, I found terms such as "the borderline" or "the self-harmer" did just that. The content often went into the area of medical studies and neuroscience - not approachable for all education levels and not the practical knowledge that individuals often find useful.
February 1, 2010
--really interesting of course, & alarming to think of people trying to live w/this disorder--or kids living w/parents who have it, or parents living w/kids who have it or whatever.
The Sociopath Next Door is probably more "entertaining", not to mention even scarier in some ways, & less wearing too, 'cause we don't need to feel sorry for the sociopaths, we feel sorry for their victims.
People w/BPD are victims themselves, as are their friends & loved ones frequently, & it's expensive & time consuming to treat.
--& too often so called MANAGED CARE doesn't want to pay for it--despite the well known fact that adequate treatment OFTEN means GOOD result!!
The Sociopath Next Door is probably more "entertaining", not to mention even scarier in some ways, & less wearing too, 'cause we don't need to feel sorry for the sociopaths, we feel sorry for their victims.
People w/BPD are victims themselves, as are their friends & loved ones frequently, & it's expensive & time consuming to treat.
--& too often so called MANAGED CARE doesn't want to pay for it--despite the well known fact that adequate treatment OFTEN means GOOD result!!
Read
February 15, 2012I'm trying to figure out how best to deal with a possible BPD sufferer with a minimum of grief for everyone. I have high hopes for this one since it's by the authors of what everyone hails as the BPD Bible (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me), which oddly enough, someone took out from my local library and never returned, along with several other BPD books. Color me shocked. ;)
Update:
Not as helpful as I'd hoped but somewhat insightful.
Update:
Not as helpful as I'd hoped but somewhat insightful.
August 18, 2016
I wish there were more books for the borderline people. I guess now I can see it through other peoples eyes but the examples are never like me. I haven't found a borderline story I can really relate to. Sometimes after explaining symptoms especially towards the end I got really bored. The author uses medical terms and it is harder to understand. I made it to the end so that is a good thing. This is the sequel to I hate you Don't Leave me.
August 10, 2010
The patient's stories are helpful to understand certain facets of the disorder. I liked how each of the important BPD characteristics are described in each chapter. I would recommend this for borderlines, their familes/friends or anyone wishing to gain an understanding of the disorder.
June 13, 2012
"A source of hope, expert advice, and guidance for people with borderline personality disorder and those who love them."
I feel like the book failed to live up to this description. It was more a book of anecdotes about some people with bpd. Not remotely helpful or illuminating.
I feel like the book failed to live up to this description. It was more a book of anecdotes about some people with bpd. Not remotely helpful or illuminating.
October 10, 2009
Amazing! Rather than focusing on the problems with living with BPD like I Hate You-Don't Leave Me, it shows you how to live with BPD and centers around the solutions.
November 18, 2015
Es ist ein wirklich hilfreiches und informatives Buch für Betroffene wie auch angehörige. Ich kann das jedem empfehlen, der mit dem Thema etwas zu tun hat.
June 14, 2020
Depressing book. But accurate. Hard pill to swallow. I read this 4 years ago, and it was the start to my getting better.
July 15, 2025
This book was so interesting that I didn’t put it down and had it read in 2 afternoons. It’s very informative and perhaps validating for someone who knows and loves a pwbpd. I thought the action steps and stories in each chapter were very helpful for practical application and strategy. I don’t know if it would be helpful for someone with bpd, but I think it could be in terms of figuring out if they might have it. I will search out more of these authors writings as I do further research on this topic!
January 5, 2025
It felt like the 1st book “I hate you-don’t leave me”. I don’t feel like I learned any new information or any tips on how to help.
August 6, 2017
"The following life events may be clues to the presence of BPD:
"-traumatic childhood experiences (especially physical or sexual abuse)
"-self-sabotaging behavior (such as ruining a job interview, destroying a good relationship)
"-history of disappointing relationships, jobs, or other commitments
"-history of hurtful relationships (e.g., several marriages to alcoholics who are abusive) or relationships with controlling, narcissistic partners that result in conflict
"-frequent conflicts (especially with important figures such as bosses, colleagues, friends, family)
"-repeated history of violence, either as perpetrator, victim, or both
"-severe changes in attitude (e.g. idealizing a friend and later reviling him...)
"...the borderline is the rope in a monstrous tug-of-war stretched between two opposing fears--on one side the fear of abandonment, on the other fear of engulfment...The desire to merge, for the purpose of creating an identity, is juxtaposed with the fear of being swallowed up and losing the individuality that she sought so long..."
"Only as the borderline understand the insatiability of his own needs and is able, over time, to develop and accept his individuality and existential aloneness within healthy relationships, can the borderline overcome these fears..."
"The borderline remains stuck in this childlike black-and-white topography because it protects her from the anxiety that accompanies attempts to reconcile contradictory feelings...for the BPD, there is no middle ground, no room for compromise...an 'emotional amnesiac'"
"...The borderline seeks a kind of 'instant intimacy.' Once disappointment sets in, the dissolution of the relationship may proceed rapidly...Ironically, despite their sensitivity to others, borderlines may be disconntected to their own feelings. Additionally when they are hurt, their rage at those who have hurt them may be intense and cruel and devoid of concern or understanding for the other party. .."
"Sometimes there is no 'right' response to a borderline question or statement:
'BORDERLINE: Do you love me more now than you did before?
'PARTNER: Of course.
'BORDERLINE: Then you didn't love me before, did you?
"If the partner replies 'no' to the first question, the borderline's reaction is likely to be: 'Don't you love me anymore.' The borderline will set this up this kind of catch-22 as a subconscious protective preparation for disappointment...the borderline may aggressively probe for problems in the relationship. Such challenges also seek insatiable reassurance that the relationship can indeed be viable...
"Impulsivity, perhaps the most common symptom of BPD, can trigger related borderline behaviors--sudden outbursts of rage, volatile relationships..."
"-traumatic childhood experiences (especially physical or sexual abuse)
"-self-sabotaging behavior (such as ruining a job interview, destroying a good relationship)
"-history of disappointing relationships, jobs, or other commitments
"-history of hurtful relationships (e.g., several marriages to alcoholics who are abusive) or relationships with controlling, narcissistic partners that result in conflict
"-frequent conflicts (especially with important figures such as bosses, colleagues, friends, family)
"-repeated history of violence, either as perpetrator, victim, or both
"-severe changes in attitude (e.g. idealizing a friend and later reviling him...)
"...the borderline is the rope in a monstrous tug-of-war stretched between two opposing fears--on one side the fear of abandonment, on the other fear of engulfment...The desire to merge, for the purpose of creating an identity, is juxtaposed with the fear of being swallowed up and losing the individuality that she sought so long..."
"Only as the borderline understand the insatiability of his own needs and is able, over time, to develop and accept his individuality and existential aloneness within healthy relationships, can the borderline overcome these fears..."
"The borderline remains stuck in this childlike black-and-white topography because it protects her from the anxiety that accompanies attempts to reconcile contradictory feelings...for the BPD, there is no middle ground, no room for compromise...an 'emotional amnesiac'"
"...The borderline seeks a kind of 'instant intimacy.' Once disappointment sets in, the dissolution of the relationship may proceed rapidly...Ironically, despite their sensitivity to others, borderlines may be disconntected to their own feelings. Additionally when they are hurt, their rage at those who have hurt them may be intense and cruel and devoid of concern or understanding for the other party. .."
"Sometimes there is no 'right' response to a borderline question or statement:
'BORDERLINE: Do you love me more now than you did before?
'PARTNER: Of course.
'BORDERLINE: Then you didn't love me before, did you?
"If the partner replies 'no' to the first question, the borderline's reaction is likely to be: 'Don't you love me anymore.' The borderline will set this up this kind of catch-22 as a subconscious protective preparation for disappointment...the borderline may aggressively probe for problems in the relationship. Such challenges also seek insatiable reassurance that the relationship can indeed be viable...
"Impulsivity, perhaps the most common symptom of BPD, can trigger related borderline behaviors--sudden outbursts of rage, volatile relationships..."
January 10, 2025
This book helped me tremendously. Repeatedly they mention growing beyond BPD. What a relief that is! It is a condensed overview of the many symptoms that can baffle me at times. Seeing them laid out on the page was a comfort to me that I’m not the only one, there is well researched methods of help, and many people still alive and thriving with or beyond BPD. Highlighted so much and will definitely read again when I need hope or a tune up.
September 29, 2013
For the purpose of learning basic information on BPD - its symptoms and treatment - this book served pretty well. It was very much an overview, never going into too much detail on any one facet. It was fairly easy to read, and instructive, but it wasn't what I was hoping for.
The book didn't feel consistent in what audience it was addressing. As I began, I felt that it was definitely addressed to the loved ones/family of individuals with BPD. This didn't bother me, until the address changed to individuals with BPD themselves, and then switched back again. This was most clearly seen in the "Action Steps" at the end of most chapters.
Not only were the action steps confusing in who they were meant to be for, but not every chapter had them and I felt that they were sometimes unhelpful. For example, at the end of the chapter on identity, the authors suggest joining "healthy" groups. I found this particularly annoying and unhelpful; if you already have issues knowing who you are, how is joining a group (with potentially charismatic and strong-willed people) going to help with this issue? For someone with issues with perception and identity, how will they know a particular group is "healthy" (even groups that seem safe can contain toxic personalities)?
I also felt the book suffered for the narrative "case studies" that preceded many of the chapters. While I understand the need to give this disorder a three-dimensional, human face, I disagree with the authors' choice to present the case studies as fictionalized stories. I thought they were distracting and I don't think they settle well amidst the rest of the information in the book. I think it would have been better to have a case study presented in a more factual, illustrative way than as a story.
One thing that I would have liked to see here, that I hope to find in other books on this topic, is how BPD relates to individuals who do not have a traumatic history (i.e. child abuse, sexual abuse, neglectful parents, etc.). While I understand that extreme trauma and unstable homes in childhood is a contributing factor to BPD (that much was communicated effectively!) I thought there was too much of a bias towards that end of the spectrum.
Overall, I don't know that I would recommend this book to family/friends or someone who suffers from BPD - at least not for the more in-depth knowledge I was seeking. I have not yet read other books on BPD, so I cannot say yet how it stacks against others.
The book didn't feel consistent in what audience it was addressing. As I began, I felt that it was definitely addressed to the loved ones/family of individuals with BPD. This didn't bother me, until the address changed to individuals with BPD themselves, and then switched back again. This was most clearly seen in the "Action Steps" at the end of most chapters.
Not only were the action steps confusing in who they were meant to be for, but not every chapter had them and I felt that they were sometimes unhelpful. For example, at the end of the chapter on identity, the authors suggest joining "healthy" groups. I found this particularly annoying and unhelpful; if you already have issues knowing who you are, how is joining a group (with potentially charismatic and strong-willed people) going to help with this issue? For someone with issues with perception and identity, how will they know a particular group is "healthy" (even groups that seem safe can contain toxic personalities)?
I also felt the book suffered for the narrative "case studies" that preceded many of the chapters. While I understand the need to give this disorder a three-dimensional, human face, I disagree with the authors' choice to present the case studies as fictionalized stories. I thought they were distracting and I don't think they settle well amidst the rest of the information in the book. I think it would have been better to have a case study presented in a more factual, illustrative way than as a story.
One thing that I would have liked to see here, that I hope to find in other books on this topic, is how BPD relates to individuals who do not have a traumatic history (i.e. child abuse, sexual abuse, neglectful parents, etc.). While I understand that extreme trauma and unstable homes in childhood is a contributing factor to BPD (that much was communicated effectively!) I thought there was too much of a bias towards that end of the spectrum.
Overall, I don't know that I would recommend this book to family/friends or someone who suffers from BPD - at least not for the more in-depth knowledge I was seeking. I have not yet read other books on BPD, so I cannot say yet how it stacks against others.
August 4, 2016
As a Borderline myself, I highly reccomend this book for the loved ones and communities that are involved with a Borderline. If a Borderline can make it through the book--which I firmly believe is possible--it will give an exceptional base of understanding and common language for all parties involved. I personally found the technical terminology acceptable for a book that is intended to address those with Borderline Personality Disorder, their loved ones, and the health care professionals who treat Borderlines.
The terminology can be a stumbling block for the layman, however. The only reasons I, as a Borderline who has struggled with attention issues, was able to navigate them was because of a college course in Medical Terminology and because of medication that has helped me with my ability to focus. That being said, if you are a Borderline looking for a book to help you understand better, I reccomend beginning with The Buddha and the Borderline while you work with a psychiatrist on finding the best balance in medication. Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder is another very good place to begin understanding the concepts that are brought forth in Sometimes I Act Crazy. Both the Buddha and the Borderline and Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder are able to give a good basis of understanding in easy to read formats that would allow a Borderline to grasp what they read in Sometimes I Act Crazy.
Over all, this particular book is excellent and a surprisingly easy read for the scientific and medical portions presented.
The terminology can be a stumbling block for the layman, however. The only reasons I, as a Borderline who has struggled with attention issues, was able to navigate them was because of a college course in Medical Terminology and because of medication that has helped me with my ability to focus. That being said, if you are a Borderline looking for a book to help you understand better, I reccomend beginning with The Buddha and the Borderline while you work with a psychiatrist on finding the best balance in medication. Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder is another very good place to begin understanding the concepts that are brought forth in Sometimes I Act Crazy. Both the Buddha and the Borderline and Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder are able to give a good basis of understanding in easy to read formats that would allow a Borderline to grasp what they read in Sometimes I Act Crazy.
Over all, this particular book is excellent and a surprisingly easy read for the scientific and medical portions presented.
April 27, 2015
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I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager. The first book I picked up was I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me by the same authors. I appreciated the book because it explained a lot of things that I hadn’t understood about myself before. I now knew why I had a lot of the issues that interfered with my life. But it painted a very dark picture of what I could do to change any of it, instead quoting statistics that were depressing.
With this follow up book I felt like that dark cloud was completely lifted. This book helped explain symptoms in a much easier to understand fashion, often giving examples. Theoretical stories are scattered through the book to demonstrate how some of these symptoms might be played out in a real setting. Instead of stopping with understanding the symptoms the book also provides some treatment options. I have a well worn copy of this book on my desk and have repurchased it at least three times. The only way I can describe it for me is that it was life changing.
I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager. The first book I picked up was I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me by the same authors. I appreciated the book because it explained a lot of things that I hadn’t understood about myself before. I now knew why I had a lot of the issues that interfered with my life. But it painted a very dark picture of what I could do to change any of it, instead quoting statistics that were depressing.
With this follow up book I felt like that dark cloud was completely lifted. This book helped explain symptoms in a much easier to understand fashion, often giving examples. Theoretical stories are scattered through the book to demonstrate how some of these symptoms might be played out in a real setting. Instead of stopping with understanding the symptoms the book also provides some treatment options. I have a well worn copy of this book on my desk and have repurchased it at least three times. The only way I can describe it for me is that it was life changing.
April 5, 2016
This book focuses on BPD as an identity disorder and explaining and apparently erratic and apparently contradictory behavior. It's elaborate fictionalized examples, based on actual patients, give an insight into the interior life of the borderline but also makes the book a long read. I felt like I got a lot of insight into the condition from this book but could have used more practical strategies for interacting with someone dealing with it. It also contains an exhaustive discussion of treatment methods - both in terms of therapy, in-patient and out-patient, and drug treatments. It seems that the authors think treatment should be done by professionals and don't give many self-help strategies or advice to family and friends with a borderline in their lives.
October 31, 2017
My therapist has diagnosed me with borderline tendencies. i do not completely fit the diagnostic critea for the borderline diagnosis. however, i do see these characteristics in me. never before has someone so completly exposed my inner thoughts and feelings. it was a relief in a way to understand there was a reason behind the way i acted or the things i said. this book was very informitave. my only fault with it is it didn't really tell me the person with borderline how to get better. it told my spouse how to deal with me in a way that actually would work, but my spouse in this case isn't the one reading the book. i am, and i want to get better. i want to have stratigies for me so that i can work on it on my own.
January 15, 2015
For parts of this book, it became a sort of handbook for me.
It was a huge aid in helping me understand what medications might help, as his notes on how medications work were some of the most brief but apt I've ever read.
The tone of the book is great for the disordered, the family and friends of the disordered, and even those (like me) who aren't diagnosed but realize there is much to learn in emotional regulation and mindfulness.
I've read a lot on Borderline Personality Disorder, and this little book is in my top three - a hidden gem, if you will.
It was a huge aid in helping me understand what medications might help, as his notes on how medications work were some of the most brief but apt I've ever read.
The tone of the book is great for the disordered, the family and friends of the disordered, and even those (like me) who aren't diagnosed but realize there is much to learn in emotional regulation and mindfulness.
I've read a lot on Borderline Personality Disorder, and this little book is in my top three - a hidden gem, if you will.
December 9, 2015
This book I think might be better suited for a therapist to use as a resource for understanding BPD and some of the ways to treat it. It was confusing but then again so is BPD and trying to figure out what "on the border" disorders each individual suffers. From what I understand it's a juggling act of treating the worst symptom first and being flexible when other symptoms crop up and block progress. Still an informative read that I may find myself revisiting again one day.
October 13, 2011
There were parts of this book that I found interesting but I think maybe it is more interesting to a doctor. The example stories about people suffering with BPD were uninteresting and seemed false. They seemed to be something written to give an example. The book covers a lot of info but i didn't find that it was presented in an interesting way.
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