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Intimate Communion: Awakening Your Sexual Essence
David Deida, internationally known for his work in personal growth and intimate relationships, shares the deep understandings and effective techniques that he has refined through his 20 years of consultation, research and spiritual practice. Learn how to keep your relationships growing--beyond the sexually neutralized roles so typical of today--and create a relationship that is spiritually erotic, sexually deep and passionately committed to love.
270 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 1995
212 people are currently reading
2085 people want to read
About the author
David Deida
102 books732 followersDavid Deida is an American author who writes about the sexual and spiritual relationship between men and women.[1] His ten books have been published in 25 languages. He conducts spiritual growth and intimacy workshops and is one of the many founding associates at the Integral Institute. He has conducted research and taught classes at the University of California at Santa Cruz, Lexington Institute in Boston, San Jose State University and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris. He is the author of numerous essays, articles, and books on human spirituality including The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex and Blue Truth and the autobiographical novel Wild Nights.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews
June 11, 2021
I was prepared to be offended by this one, but the author did an excellent job explaining the differences between the societal, political, and ecomonic equality of the masculine/feminine vs. how the two operate in an intimate partnership. It stood the test off time and is still relevant 25 years after publishing.
This book could have used a heavy edit... the language was repetitive and the book realistically could have been 2/3 the length it was published at. Still, absolutely worth the read - ideally with your s/o.
__________________________________
This little girl, whose native sexual essence happens to actually lie toward the more Feminine end of the spectrum, is being tacitly "shaped" by her parents' perceptions and expectations. Over time, she will likely accept the "fact" that she is a smart person, but not a particularly radiant one, for example. A girl like this will probably develop other, more Masculine aspects of her personality, her abstract analytical and organizational skills, perhaps, or her competitive edge. Of course, it's very healthy to develop the entire spectrum of qualities, Masculine and Feminine. It's just that a girl like this may overemphasize developing her Masculine energy and thereby deny, for example, her native radiance and attractiveness, as well as all the other natural qualities of her Feminine sexual essence, which remain lingering in her heart.
If you are a woman who has denied the native radiance or sensuality, or creative chaos, or wild powerof your Feminine sexual essence, you will probably find yourself in a relationship with a man who is afraid to take a strong stand in your lives together. The first step in attracting a partner with a strong Masculine sexual essence, or in evoking more Masculine energy from your present partner, is to cultivate your ability to trust your own Feminine core. By relaxing into your Feminine essence's native and inherent attractiveness, radiance, wildness, spontaneity and intuitive connection with life, you will empower your core, and you will shine. Then you will also automatically attract, or evoke in men, a strong Masculine sexual essence.
Because our political decisions have been so one-sidedly Masculine, we have championed the quest for freedom at the expense of love's wisdom. We have consistently disregarded human well-being and individual need for the sake of so-called political, ideological and economic freedom. There are times when a decision has to be made that, in the short term, will result in loss of life, but in the "big picture" will yield long-term gifts for all. Decisions of this kind may be involved in policy concerning euthanasia and war, for instance. The Masculine is more at home amidst death than is the Feminine, and thus should be trusted more in the necessary moments of crisis that do occur in our lives. However, the Feminine, in both women and men, is far more attuned to appropriate action when it comes to the propagation and support of life, human and otherwise.
In certain moments we become blinded by our emotions, and we cling too tightly to that which must die, be it an intimate relationship, an embryo or a hero. In such moments, we must learn to trust the wisdom of the Masculine, which is able to act clearly in spite of emotional feelings. In certain moments we become blinded by our quest for freedom: political, financial and even spiritual. We dissociate our actions from our heart, and end up with a sterile and rigidly life-suppressive political regime or intimate partnership. In such moments, we must learn to trust the wisdom of the Feminine, which is the genius inherent in relationship, bodily intuition and the natural force of life.
Since the core of the Masculine sexual essence is directionality, anything you do to demonstrate trust and support of your Masculine partner's direction will turn Him on, and anything you do that demonstrates criticism or mistrust of your Masculine partner's direction will turn Him off immediately, and rather extremely. The same holds true for the Feminine partner's radiance or attractiveness.
The Feminine is beautiful. The Feminine is radiant. Physical attractiveness could express an aspect of this radiance, but it doesn't last, and even while it does, it's only skin deep. However, the Feminine force in people is always attractive, loving and radiant, if it is rightfully honored and allowed to show itself in its unique fullness. A star need not hide its shine, no matter how "unnoticed" it feels. In general, the more Feminine a person's sexual essence is, the more he or she will desire to be noticed as attractive. This is a natural sign of a more Feminine sexual essence. If you have a Feminine sexual essence, then you are particularly sensitive to this quality of attractiveness, both your own and others.
Virtually every woman agreed that foremost among the qualities they wanted in their
man were:
1. Presence
2. Intelligence
3. Strength
4. Passion
5. Direction
6. Humor
The qualities that men across the country wanted most in their women were:
1. Beauty
2. Sexual openness
3. Trust of their (man's) direction
4. Support for their (man's) vision
5. Intelligence
6. Healthy radiance
As individual men and women in the economic and political world, we should all be given the same opportunities and treated with the same respect and "equal eye." In an effort to achieve this, men and women are learning to treat each other as equals and, to some extent, even treat each other as non-sexual beings. Unfortunately, we have confused the equality of the workplace with sexual neutralization in our intimate relationships. In our intimate relationships, we have inadvertently negotiated the neutering of our sexual essence in order to be treated as equals. We need to make a distinction between what we want in the workplace and what we want in our intimate lives together. Sexual fulfillment in intimacy is not based on neutrality, but on the attractive differences, playful opposition and pleasurable non-equivalence of the Masculine and Feminine gifts, anatomical, emotional and spiritual. This is a key to why the modern ideal of an intimate relationship can be so dissatisfying. In a modern relationship, in which equivalence between men and women is often emphasized, we may never receive the full gifts of Masculine or Feminine loving that we truly desire.
If you find that you are repeatedly disappointed that the men you attract are somewhat weak or lost, unable to completely follow through with what they start, wishy-washy or threatened by your success, then you are probably animating more Masculine energy than is true of your natural sexual essence. Your Feminine sexual essence may be looking for a really good source of Masculine love, but the Masculine energy you are putting out is attracting men who need more Masculine in their lives, and who are therefore attracted to yours. But they don't fulfill the deepest desires of your Feminine sexual essence.
Blocked-Up And Covered-Over Sexual Essences
Suppose you are a woman whose sexual essence is naturally more Feminine. You will lose trust in your partner if you find that he is always ambivalent and undirected, waiting for you to take the lead most of the time. In this case, your partner is waiting to follow your direction, to trust and follow your Masculine sense of "mission."
"What do you want to do tonight?" you ask.
"I don't care, what do you want to do?" he answers.
If your sexual essence is actually more Feminine, you will find yourself wishing that your partner would take you into account and just make a decision. Your Feminine essence wants to feel his Masculine energy, direction, presence and passion. You want to feel him take a stronger lead in your lives together, rather than being ambiguous and unclear.
"What do you want to do tonight?"
"How about if we go out to dinner and then go for a walk in the park?"
If you must spend a lot of time in the company of the opposite sex (in human, geographic or professional form), make sure to rejuvenate yourself by spending equal time in the company of your native sexual force. If you have a Masculine sexual essence, spend substantial time in the company of only men or in some arena of challenge, self-discipline and focused directionality, in the form of a sport, a meditative practice or a goal-oriented giving of your creative gifts. If you have a Feminine sexual essence, spend substantial time in the company of only women or in the powerful flow of natural life-force, dancing to music, moving in nature, allowing your body to spontaneously express your creative gifts and making passionate love. As long as we take care to nourish our core with the force of its native energy, we can spend our workday being as Masculine or Feminine as we like with no ill effects, regardless of our native sexual essence or our gender.
Your Masculine partner may have chosen to lavish attention on a substitute source of Feminine force in the form of surf, car or boat, marijuana, music or many other forms of sensuality, beauty and rejuvenation. If so, He will be less likely to commit to giving you His Masculine love and receiving your Feminine love in an intimate relationship. Your Feminine partner may have chosen a substitute source of Masculine force in the form of a career, schedule, animal, city, mission or in any other way of filling her life with purpose, direction and goals. If so, she will be less likely to commit to giving you her Feminine love and receiving your Masculine love in an intimate relationship.
This book could have used a heavy edit... the language was repetitive and the book realistically could have been 2/3 the length it was published at. Still, absolutely worth the read - ideally with your s/o.
__________________________________
This little girl, whose native sexual essence happens to actually lie toward the more Feminine end of the spectrum, is being tacitly "shaped" by her parents' perceptions and expectations. Over time, she will likely accept the "fact" that she is a smart person, but not a particularly radiant one, for example. A girl like this will probably develop other, more Masculine aspects of her personality, her abstract analytical and organizational skills, perhaps, or her competitive edge. Of course, it's very healthy to develop the entire spectrum of qualities, Masculine and Feminine. It's just that a girl like this may overemphasize developing her Masculine energy and thereby deny, for example, her native radiance and attractiveness, as well as all the other natural qualities of her Feminine sexual essence, which remain lingering in her heart.
If you are a woman who has denied the native radiance or sensuality, or creative chaos, or wild powerof your Feminine sexual essence, you will probably find yourself in a relationship with a man who is afraid to take a strong stand in your lives together. The first step in attracting a partner with a strong Masculine sexual essence, or in evoking more Masculine energy from your present partner, is to cultivate your ability to trust your own Feminine core. By relaxing into your Feminine essence's native and inherent attractiveness, radiance, wildness, spontaneity and intuitive connection with life, you will empower your core, and you will shine. Then you will also automatically attract, or evoke in men, a strong Masculine sexual essence.
Because our political decisions have been so one-sidedly Masculine, we have championed the quest for freedom at the expense of love's wisdom. We have consistently disregarded human well-being and individual need for the sake of so-called political, ideological and economic freedom. There are times when a decision has to be made that, in the short term, will result in loss of life, but in the "big picture" will yield long-term gifts for all. Decisions of this kind may be involved in policy concerning euthanasia and war, for instance. The Masculine is more at home amidst death than is the Feminine, and thus should be trusted more in the necessary moments of crisis that do occur in our lives. However, the Feminine, in both women and men, is far more attuned to appropriate action when it comes to the propagation and support of life, human and otherwise.
In certain moments we become blinded by our emotions, and we cling too tightly to that which must die, be it an intimate relationship, an embryo or a hero. In such moments, we must learn to trust the wisdom of the Masculine, which is able to act clearly in spite of emotional feelings. In certain moments we become blinded by our quest for freedom: political, financial and even spiritual. We dissociate our actions from our heart, and end up with a sterile and rigidly life-suppressive political regime or intimate partnership. In such moments, we must learn to trust the wisdom of the Feminine, which is the genius inherent in relationship, bodily intuition and the natural force of life.
Since the core of the Masculine sexual essence is directionality, anything you do to demonstrate trust and support of your Masculine partner's direction will turn Him on, and anything you do that demonstrates criticism or mistrust of your Masculine partner's direction will turn Him off immediately, and rather extremely. The same holds true for the Feminine partner's radiance or attractiveness.
The Feminine is beautiful. The Feminine is radiant. Physical attractiveness could express an aspect of this radiance, but it doesn't last, and even while it does, it's only skin deep. However, the Feminine force in people is always attractive, loving and radiant, if it is rightfully honored and allowed to show itself in its unique fullness. A star need not hide its shine, no matter how "unnoticed" it feels. In general, the more Feminine a person's sexual essence is, the more he or she will desire to be noticed as attractive. This is a natural sign of a more Feminine sexual essence. If you have a Feminine sexual essence, then you are particularly sensitive to this quality of attractiveness, both your own and others.
Virtually every woman agreed that foremost among the qualities they wanted in their
man were:
1. Presence
2. Intelligence
3. Strength
4. Passion
5. Direction
6. Humor
The qualities that men across the country wanted most in their women were:
1. Beauty
2. Sexual openness
3. Trust of their (man's) direction
4. Support for their (man's) vision
5. Intelligence
6. Healthy radiance
As individual men and women in the economic and political world, we should all be given the same opportunities and treated with the same respect and "equal eye." In an effort to achieve this, men and women are learning to treat each other as equals and, to some extent, even treat each other as non-sexual beings. Unfortunately, we have confused the equality of the workplace with sexual neutralization in our intimate relationships. In our intimate relationships, we have inadvertently negotiated the neutering of our sexual essence in order to be treated as equals. We need to make a distinction between what we want in the workplace and what we want in our intimate lives together. Sexual fulfillment in intimacy is not based on neutrality, but on the attractive differences, playful opposition and pleasurable non-equivalence of the Masculine and Feminine gifts, anatomical, emotional and spiritual. This is a key to why the modern ideal of an intimate relationship can be so dissatisfying. In a modern relationship, in which equivalence between men and women is often emphasized, we may never receive the full gifts of Masculine or Feminine loving that we truly desire.
If you find that you are repeatedly disappointed that the men you attract are somewhat weak or lost, unable to completely follow through with what they start, wishy-washy or threatened by your success, then you are probably animating more Masculine energy than is true of your natural sexual essence. Your Feminine sexual essence may be looking for a really good source of Masculine love, but the Masculine energy you are putting out is attracting men who need more Masculine in their lives, and who are therefore attracted to yours. But they don't fulfill the deepest desires of your Feminine sexual essence.
Blocked-Up And Covered-Over Sexual Essences
Suppose you are a woman whose sexual essence is naturally more Feminine. You will lose trust in your partner if you find that he is always ambivalent and undirected, waiting for you to take the lead most of the time. In this case, your partner is waiting to follow your direction, to trust and follow your Masculine sense of "mission."
"What do you want to do tonight?" you ask.
"I don't care, what do you want to do?" he answers.
If your sexual essence is actually more Feminine, you will find yourself wishing that your partner would take you into account and just make a decision. Your Feminine essence wants to feel his Masculine energy, direction, presence and passion. You want to feel him take a stronger lead in your lives together, rather than being ambiguous and unclear.
"What do you want to do tonight?"
"How about if we go out to dinner and then go for a walk in the park?"
If you must spend a lot of time in the company of the opposite sex (in human, geographic or professional form), make sure to rejuvenate yourself by spending equal time in the company of your native sexual force. If you have a Masculine sexual essence, spend substantial time in the company of only men or in some arena of challenge, self-discipline and focused directionality, in the form of a sport, a meditative practice or a goal-oriented giving of your creative gifts. If you have a Feminine sexual essence, spend substantial time in the company of only women or in the powerful flow of natural life-force, dancing to music, moving in nature, allowing your body to spontaneously express your creative gifts and making passionate love. As long as we take care to nourish our core with the force of its native energy, we can spend our workday being as Masculine or Feminine as we like with no ill effects, regardless of our native sexual essence or our gender.
Your Masculine partner may have chosen to lavish attention on a substitute source of Feminine force in the form of surf, car or boat, marijuana, music or many other forms of sensuality, beauty and rejuvenation. If so, He will be less likely to commit to giving you His Masculine love and receiving your Feminine love in an intimate relationship. Your Feminine partner may have chosen a substitute source of Masculine force in the form of a career, schedule, animal, city, mission or in any other way of filling her life with purpose, direction and goals. If so, she will be less likely to commit to giving you her Feminine love and receiving your Masculine love in an intimate relationship.
April 1, 2015
This book is an amazing and inspiring read for me. I have connected with Deida's other work for a while but hadn't read this one till now. And I would recommend it to others, with some hard-earned advice: let it go shortly after.
I don't think most of us will ever fully live up to the characters he paints, and unless we 'let it go' in the sense that we don't try to live up to those characters, the inspiring aspects of this book can live in us with ease. To hold onto it too much, will likely mess with people psychological health. chances are, we will never live up to the 3rd stage and that failure may cause more harm than seeking it will cause good. I highly doubt any of us are truly ready for his 3rd stage, nor would all of us gain from it.
It is a potent and interesting heuristic which allows for some profound and inspiring insight, but be careful not to obsess over it (as I have done go through stages of continuing to do so).
I don't think most of us will ever fully live up to the characters he paints, and unless we 'let it go' in the sense that we don't try to live up to those characters, the inspiring aspects of this book can live in us with ease. To hold onto it too much, will likely mess with people psychological health. chances are, we will never live up to the 3rd stage and that failure may cause more harm than seeking it will cause good. I highly doubt any of us are truly ready for his 3rd stage, nor would all of us gain from it.
It is a potent and interesting heuristic which allows for some profound and inspiring insight, but be careful not to obsess over it (as I have done go through stages of continuing to do so).
August 30, 2007
Deida's book is an interesting read, but his repetition of the same concepts over and over can be a bit difficult to read. Ultimately, I gleaned a lot from the book, especially in the earlier chapters. Many examples are given that allow the reader to recognize patterns in themselves and their relationships. It is fascinating to apply this education to your own life. The later chapters a bit more "wooly", for lack of a better term. I found it harder to finish the book and really absorb what I was reading, but that may just be my own inability to concentrate. I felt some frustration with the subject matter at times, but in the end, it does make sense and proves to be intriguing.
February 24, 2022
Ik heb me vaak boos gevoeld tijdens het lezen van dit boek. David Deida schrijft simplistisch over gender; en ik vind hem onvoorzichtig in het gebruiken van modellen en uitspraken over mannen en vrouwen.
Maar omdat dit boek de basis is van meerdere tantra communities in Nederland, heb ik geprobeerd het met een open houding te lezen. ‘Wat als er een waarheid zit in wat Deida schrijft?’ ‘Herken ik mezelf in zijn model?’
Pas de laatste twee hoofdstukken lees ik zonder frustratie. Aanwezigheid, je openen, overgeven, het laten gaan van illusies, in het moment voelen, ego-dood, ontspannen, liefde, zijn: dat is waar Intimate Communion over gaat.
[Intimate communion is geschreven in 1995.]
Maar omdat dit boek de basis is van meerdere tantra communities in Nederland, heb ik geprobeerd het met een open houding te lezen. ‘Wat als er een waarheid zit in wat Deida schrijft?’ ‘Herken ik mezelf in zijn model?’
Pas de laatste twee hoofdstukken lees ik zonder frustratie. Aanwezigheid, je openen, overgeven, het laten gaan van illusies, in het moment voelen, ego-dood, ontspannen, liefde, zijn: dat is waar Intimate Communion over gaat.
[Intimate communion is geschreven in 1995.]
July 5, 2015
Osud tomu dal, že jsem tuhle první Deidovu knihu přečetl až jako poslední. Jsou v ní otevřena všechna témata, kterým se Deida věnuje ve svých pozdějších knihách. Stejně jako u dalších Deidových knih platí, že by mohly být kratší, výrazně kratší, klidně poloviční nebo třetinové, téma je takhle roztahané a čtení po čase unavuje. I přesto se ale jedná o skvělou knihu o mužství, ženství a jejich vzájemných vztazích, kterou ovšem zdaleka ne každý přijme a vstřebá.
February 15, 2017
Truly inspiring work about modern relationships. Author does not limit himself by the convenient toolset of modern psychology, but rather connects them to fascinating and mysterious world of energies and feelings. The model offered greatly explains current state of modern western society, its problems, hopes and forces involved. Highly recommended to all who is trying to work their relationships and explore our endless inner world.
June 19, 2020
büyük bir hevesle alıp daha da büyük bir hayal kırıklığı ile bıraktım. her sayfada aynı şeyi anlatıp duran, dişil ve eril enerji meselesini küçümsenecek hale getirecek kadar yüzeyselleştiren bir yaklaşım ile yazıldığını düşünüyorum. üstelik kapsayıcı bir yaklaşım sergiliyor gibi görünmeye çalışsa da ciddi bir ‘mansplaining’ örneği bence. zaman, para ve kağıt israfı.
March 8, 2024
Най-добрата книга за интимни взаимоотношения! Абсолютно я препоръчвам на всеки мъж или жена да я прочетат! Колкото по-рано човек я прочете, толкова по-рано ще започне да работи върху себе си и от там и върху взаимноотношенията си с партньора.
Не се чете лесно, не се чете за “разтоварване”.
Трябва човек да е откровен със себе, за да възприеме възможно най-много и както самият автор казва в началото - да сме готови да забравим някои теми табу.
За мен лично беше тежка книга, но същевремнно и изключително интересна и уникална. Четях я бавно (даже направо тромаво), препрочитах някои абзаци, подчертавах с молив изречения и абзаци, препрочитах и тях, връщах се назад, давах си време да осмисля нещата и след това да продължа. Признавам си - нещата са трудни за четене и още по-трудни за прилагане.
Звучи много негативно, но това е книга, която ИЗЦЯЛО ме изкара от комфортната ми зона. И МИ ХАРЕСА УЖАСНО МНОГО! Трудно, времеемко, но уникално и пълно с уроци!
Вярвам, че всеки човек ще може да приложи “Интимно единение”, стига да иска да издигне връзката си на следващото ниво!
Не се чете лесно, не се чете за “разтоварване”.
Трябва човек да е откровен със себе, за да възприеме възможно най-много и както самият автор казва в началото - да сме готови да забравим някои теми табу.
За мен лично беше тежка книга, но същевремнно и изключително интересна и уникална. Четях я бавно (даже направо тромаво), препрочитах някои абзаци, подчертавах с молив изречения и абзаци, препрочитах и тях, връщах се назад, давах си време да осмисля нещата и след това да продължа. Признавам си - нещата са трудни за четене и още по-трудни за прилагане.
Звучи много негативно, но това е книга, която ИЗЦЯЛО ме изкара от комфортната ми зона. И МИ ХАРЕСА УЖАСНО МНОГО! Трудно, времеемко, но уникално и пълно с уроци!
Вярвам, че всеки човек ще може да приложи “Интимно единение”, стига да иска да издигне връзката си на следващото ниво!
April 16, 2022
Good book on relationships. Different perspectives. But dont read it in turkish translation sucks.
May 10, 2022
Great points
Author recommend by Tony Robbins
Audiobook:
https://youtu.be/qsptgpU-QW0
Author recommend by Tony Robbins
Audiobook:
https://youtu.be/qsptgpU-QW0
January 14, 2024
Great read to understand the polarity between the feminine and masculine and how it plays out in our relationships (not only romantic ones btw!). It also doesn’t limit the masculine and feminine to the gender but explains well that we all have both sides in us. The book is written in a more spiritual manner but I think it’s readable for the ones who are quite new to spirituality too. However I do feel that if you are a strong feminist or playing more of a ‘neutral’ role it might not suit you too well. If you think you might have become neutral due to life consequences, it’s best to still have a read - you will probably find out quite in the beginning (there’s a quick quiz too). Also the way he played out the strongly feminine woman might sound a bit too submissive to nowadays feminists. I have lately realized I have a strong feminine polarity and even though I don’t feel fully ready to tap into the 3rd stage, it made sense to me.
Overall lots of good insights, some things I had heard about earlier but he did a good job explaining the theory behind. I gave four stars because it became a bit repetitive.
Overall lots of good insights, some things I had heard about earlier but he did a good job explaining the theory behind. I gave four stars because it became a bit repetitive.
January 1, 2021
The premise of the book is actually interesting, where it talks about the polarization of masculine and feminine energy. I found myself enjoyed the first few chapters. However, in the later chapters, I felt that some things were too redundant for my liking
Nevertheless, this is an interesting book to read for those who are looking for book regarding relationship!
Nevertheless, this is an interesting book to read for those who are looking for book regarding relationship!
January 4, 2022
Likely the best book about the feminine-masculkne dynamics in a relationship.
August 14, 2019
I received so much insight from this book. It was a fantastic read and definitely one of my favorites now.
I just wish it was edited better. As other reviewers have mentioned it can be quite repetitive.
Ordered and condensed a little it would be much improved.
I also think it would be better if David included more concrete practices you can do in a relationship for greater intimacy and connection.
I have a great interest in this topic so it didn't put me off but it makes me hesitant to recommend it to people I know would also get insight from it. With the editing it would be a 5 star rating from me.
I just wish it was edited better. As other reviewers have mentioned it can be quite repetitive.
Ordered and condensed a little it would be much improved.
I also think it would be better if David included more concrete practices you can do in a relationship for greater intimacy and connection.
I have a great interest in this topic so it didn't put me off but it makes me hesitant to recommend it to people I know would also get insight from it. With the editing it would be a 5 star rating from me.
July 14, 2019
Don't expect Tips or positions for tantric sex, you wont find anything remotely to do with it. This book focuses on perspectives and inner work of relationships (vulnerability).
Decent book for anyone who is new to spirituality and seeking a broader way of looking at relationships.
Didn't' mention anything that i didn't already know. Was quite repetitive for me, but then again it might be to do with this being very much so an introductory type of book.
Decent book for anyone who is new to spirituality and seeking a broader way of looking at relationships.
Didn't' mention anything that i didn't already know. Was quite repetitive for me, but then again it might be to do with this being very much so an introductory type of book.
November 14, 2021
So repetitive.
Read
August 24, 2024(I have not burst out laughing while reading any book as long as i can remember)
Notes:
The sexual polar charge is faded in modern society
Intimacy is like a handshake when men and woman are seen as “same”
True intimate communion is found in open hearted surrender. In ecstasy we die to ourselves
Love- what happens when your heart is open. You live in love. Its union with others
Romance- begins with a feeling of “oneness”. They “get” me! You feel at home. We are attracted to those who have the good and bad qualities of our parents because we want to unconsciously get the love we always wanted from them. When the “in love” feeling wears off, you realize they are perfectly suited to cause you pain.
Sexual Polarity- the magnetic pull or repulsion between masculine and feminine
Intimate Communion isnt abt romance. Its the practice of love, and its the artful use of sexual polarity
U can feel polarity flow between you and anyone who is at the opposite pole. Its not love. Its not romance. Its not intentional. Its innocent.
Sex happens outside of man and inside of womans body
Women want a man who is present above everything else
10% of men and woman have a neutral sexual essence. Abt 10% have the opposite genders sexual essence
Sexual fulfillment involves non-equivalence in anatomy, emotionality, spirituality
You will attract your opposite polarity, your sexual reciprocal. A masculine woman attracts a feminine man, etc.
Historically there was a “dependance relationship”, then a “50/50 relationship”, now an intimate communion
In IC, a man is turned on by a woman to open herself to divine love, and vice versa, even if that means she/he is not “his/her own”. They enchant eachother
Any embrace could be our last. Dont hold back
“We are the mysterious force of free love, spontaneously arising as man and woman, recognizing itself, touching itself, and dissolving in union with itself in the short drama of our lives”
Affairs can happen as sexual substitutes with the energy of cities, rural places, alcohol or drugs
Masculine sexual essence is looking for a problem to fix
If a man is afraid to express his anger, he is afraid to express his passion
If a man is not manly, the female looses trust, even though she loves him
Never tell a man that he is wrong (directionality) or a woman that she is ugly (radiance) unless u want to murder the polarity
The feminine is the force of creation and destruction
“If her partner can learn to hrow beyond his fear, he too can provide a stable jeart of love for her feminine fury, neither rejecting or consoling it, but standing free and strong in the midst of her fury, and loving”
Love is not logical. The logical mind cannot comprehend the feminine mystery
The masculine pushes. The feminine attracts
To practice sexual polarity -relax, let life flow through you. Submit your minds to the wisdom of the bodies. Have unguarded abandon with your awakened masculine and feminine energies.
Sexual polarity makes no difference in the final moment. Its all abt learning to love
The masculine wants freedom more than anything
IC is abt committing to love. Not abt committing to family, or a beautiful life together
A man can only fulfill a womans true sexual desire by going beyond sex and living fearlessly
We desire ego death, to surrender to another in love. To die into love is our deepest fulfillment
Notes:
The sexual polar charge is faded in modern society
Intimacy is like a handshake when men and woman are seen as “same”
True intimate communion is found in open hearted surrender. In ecstasy we die to ourselves
Love- what happens when your heart is open. You live in love. Its union with others
Romance- begins with a feeling of “oneness”. They “get” me! You feel at home. We are attracted to those who have the good and bad qualities of our parents because we want to unconsciously get the love we always wanted from them. When the “in love” feeling wears off, you realize they are perfectly suited to cause you pain.
Sexual Polarity- the magnetic pull or repulsion between masculine and feminine
Intimate Communion isnt abt romance. Its the practice of love, and its the artful use of sexual polarity
U can feel polarity flow between you and anyone who is at the opposite pole. Its not love. Its not romance. Its not intentional. Its innocent.
Sex happens outside of man and inside of womans body
Women want a man who is present above everything else
10% of men and woman have a neutral sexual essence. Abt 10% have the opposite genders sexual essence
Sexual fulfillment involves non-equivalence in anatomy, emotionality, spirituality
You will attract your opposite polarity, your sexual reciprocal. A masculine woman attracts a feminine man, etc.
Historically there was a “dependance relationship”, then a “50/50 relationship”, now an intimate communion
In IC, a man is turned on by a woman to open herself to divine love, and vice versa, even if that means she/he is not “his/her own”. They enchant eachother
Any embrace could be our last. Dont hold back
“We are the mysterious force of free love, spontaneously arising as man and woman, recognizing itself, touching itself, and dissolving in union with itself in the short drama of our lives”
Affairs can happen as sexual substitutes with the energy of cities, rural places, alcohol or drugs
Masculine sexual essence is looking for a problem to fix
If a man is afraid to express his anger, he is afraid to express his passion
If a man is not manly, the female looses trust, even though she loves him
Never tell a man that he is wrong (directionality) or a woman that she is ugly (radiance) unless u want to murder the polarity
The feminine is the force of creation and destruction
“If her partner can learn to hrow beyond his fear, he too can provide a stable jeart of love for her feminine fury, neither rejecting or consoling it, but standing free and strong in the midst of her fury, and loving”
Love is not logical. The logical mind cannot comprehend the feminine mystery
The masculine pushes. The feminine attracts
To practice sexual polarity -relax, let life flow through you. Submit your minds to the wisdom of the bodies. Have unguarded abandon with your awakened masculine and feminine energies.
Sexual polarity makes no difference in the final moment. Its all abt learning to love
The masculine wants freedom more than anything
IC is abt committing to love. Not abt committing to family, or a beautiful life together
A man can only fulfill a womans true sexual desire by going beyond sex and living fearlessly
We desire ego death, to surrender to another in love. To die into love is our deepest fulfillment
September 22, 2025
In my opinion, this is the best book ever written about (spiritual) relationships. I’ve read it about six times over the years, and each time I discover the material in a completely new way.
The further you are on the path, the more you truly understand it. Initially, many who are not yet ready hear gender stereotypes in it. But in fact, it’s about how gender is a fluid quality, with both the feminine and masculine poles dancing within us. A human being usually has one side that is more dominant — this is your essence.
The dance between the essences of these two poles within a relationship — and the polarity that arises from it — is the source of attraction. But ultimately, love is the goal.
Both men and women carry the full spectrum within them, whether developed or not. But in intimate communion, you consciously choose to embody one pole completely, so that polarity arises — along with the sparks that come with it.
This is the best introduction to Tantra available. Tantra is not, as is often thought, about “positions” — but about the eternal dance of Shiva and Shakti, the masculine and feminine poles (yin and yang). The dance between these two seemingly separate forces creates the entire universe.
In the relationship between man and woman (or masculine and feminine energy), this dance plays out on a smaller scale — also called the “microcosmic orbit.”
This book perfectly describes the energetic foundation for a relationship between two partners who wish to dive deep together. It is the perfect place to begin exploring Deida’s body of work.
If you don’t start here, there’s a risk that you will misinterpret the rest of his work.
The most important thing is to actually do the exercises he recommends (they are also available as a course via Sounds True).
Here’s the order in which I would recommend reading his work:
Intimate Communion
Enlightened Sex
Wild Nights (autobiographical)
The Way of the Superior Man or Dear Lover — depending on whether you are a man or a woman
The book you didn’t read in step 4
Finding God Through Sex
The further you are on the path, the more you truly understand it. Initially, many who are not yet ready hear gender stereotypes in it. But in fact, it’s about how gender is a fluid quality, with both the feminine and masculine poles dancing within us. A human being usually has one side that is more dominant — this is your essence.
The dance between the essences of these two poles within a relationship — and the polarity that arises from it — is the source of attraction. But ultimately, love is the goal.
Both men and women carry the full spectrum within them, whether developed or not. But in intimate communion, you consciously choose to embody one pole completely, so that polarity arises — along with the sparks that come with it.
This is the best introduction to Tantra available. Tantra is not, as is often thought, about “positions” — but about the eternal dance of Shiva and Shakti, the masculine and feminine poles (yin and yang). The dance between these two seemingly separate forces creates the entire universe.
In the relationship between man and woman (or masculine and feminine energy), this dance plays out on a smaller scale — also called the “microcosmic orbit.”
This book perfectly describes the energetic foundation for a relationship between two partners who wish to dive deep together. It is the perfect place to begin exploring Deida’s body of work.
If you don’t start here, there’s a risk that you will misinterpret the rest of his work.
The most important thing is to actually do the exercises he recommends (they are also available as a course via Sounds True).
Here’s the order in which I would recommend reading his work:
Intimate Communion
Enlightened Sex
Wild Nights (autobiographical)
The Way of the Superior Man or Dear Lover — depending on whether you are a man or a woman
The book you didn’t read in step 4
Finding God Through Sex
November 16, 2021
Loved this! I really admire the way David Deida describes relationship dynamics and polarity in stages of consciousness. His specific, vivid insights really helped me understand repetitive fights, patterns, stagnation and resentment and how to disarm and reconcile instead of shut down or exacerbate. I found myself applying his framing to Taylor Swift's re-release of Red and seeing its themes differently as well as my own relationship longings and conflicts. It was very valuable.
While David Deida acknowledges that we all have masculine and feminine within and considers his wife a better writer than he holds obvious reverence, respect, and worship of women, there's a subtle thematic nudge to women to be manic-pixie dream girls. While I believe he's offering up ideals for both men and women to aspire to and that he recognizes the dimensionality and complexity of both, I don't like the pressure to be a one-dimensional shiny fantasy girl who dances and is in her body over mind. Why? Because my gift isn't in my dancing or mobility/flexibility/athleticism. My gift is my mind. I'm witty and funny and incisive and entertaining. I'm very feminine, but this narrow classification of female=body awareness and male=mind and follow-through is limited in scope.
While David Deida acknowledges that we all have masculine and feminine within and considers his wife a better writer than he holds obvious reverence, respect, and worship of women, there's a subtle thematic nudge to women to be manic-pixie dream girls. While I believe he's offering up ideals for both men and women to aspire to and that he recognizes the dimensionality and complexity of both, I don't like the pressure to be a one-dimensional shiny fantasy girl who dances and is in her body over mind. Why? Because my gift isn't in my dancing or mobility/flexibility/athleticism. My gift is my mind. I'm witty and funny and incisive and entertaining. I'm very feminine, but this narrow classification of female=body awareness and male=mind and follow-through is limited in scope.
February 13, 2017
Love... hmm
Six months ago I questioned whether love is inseparable from success - one of my inner beliefs. And in none of the "Deeps" (books on Deep Thinking, Deep Focus, Deep Work, Deep Flow, Deep This and Deep That) was it mentioned that its absence is a necessary condition to achieve them.
David Deida helped me clear up my doubts and... no, it is not. Deceivingly simple as it may seem, it is not - love Deeply! Play with #gender and use your masculine and feminine energies in both public and private spheres but don't forget and neglect your true essence, especially when you go back home.
I confess it was hard to face the fact that even this! book - about "Deep Love" was written by a man! And then I realized that it only confirms that these "insane" and controversial ideas are not just in my and few other women's heads.
Six months ago I questioned whether love is inseparable from success - one of my inner beliefs. And in none of the "Deeps" (books on Deep Thinking, Deep Focus, Deep Work, Deep Flow, Deep This and Deep That) was it mentioned that its absence is a necessary condition to achieve them.
David Deida helped me clear up my doubts and... no, it is not. Deceivingly simple as it may seem, it is not - love Deeply! Play with #gender and use your masculine and feminine energies in both public and private spheres but don't forget and neglect your true essence, especially when you go back home.
I confess it was hard to face the fact that even this! book - about "Deep Love" was written by a man! And then I realized that it only confirms that these "insane" and controversial ideas are not just in my and few other women's heads.
September 7, 2018
Myšlienky v knižke sa mi páčili - inšpirujúce a na zamyslenie, skutočne doporučujem. Čo bolo ale úplné zarážajúce a doslova otravné - opakovanie ideí stále dookola. Prišlo mi to, ako keď lenivý študent VŠ už nevie, čo by napísal do svojej seminárky, tak aspoň prepíše už existujúci text a zmení pár slov, aby to nevyzeralo rovnako. Beriem to ako pobabranú prácu editora. Škoda, mne to pokazilo celkový dojem z inak dobrej knižky. Tretina až polka textu skutočne hodnotná, zvyšok je len textová vata.
June 28, 2021
This one of the most helpful books I have found on relationships. I know that my own theories as a psychologist and esoteric reader has led me to believe that 50/50 relationships are ok since they give each person an independence that saves each other from neediness, but throughout my relationships I found that 50/50 relationships were still lacking something. But now with Deida's book, I have found clarity and realized this is a book our society needs now more than ever.
August 11, 2023
Разбирам защо някои жени и особено феминистки могат да се обидят, но на мен книгата по-скоро ми хареса и то в частите си, когато говори за принципи. Черно-белите описания бяха доста досадни, както и непрестанното самохвалство, но въпреки това намерих много нови и същностни неща за себе си.
Мило ми беше и че Бистрето я беше превеждала, както и че милия Нав беше написал предговора <3 Също така все още ми е мило, че я прочетох в един специален за мен момент <3
Мило ми беше и че Бистрето я беше превеждала, както и че милия Нав беше написал предговора <3 Също така все още ми е мило, че я прочетох в един специален за мен момент <3
March 2, 2021
I thought the message of the book was powerful and worth reading about, but I stalled out about 80 pages in because it just got so repetitive. I think this book could be reduced down to a long essay or a short book - I just can't imagine what else he could possibly keep going on about after he explained the relationship styles and how to achieve them.
November 25, 2024
I’m writing this review at my second reading of this book. I love David Deida’s work and this particular book has been so transformative for my relationship. He speaks so beautifully to energies that lie within us all and brings awareness to them in a way that has allowed me to accept more parts of myself.
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November 5, 2019i always enjoy the understanding of masculine and feminine core energies. it helps understand yourself and those whom you wish to be in relationship with. "i am already free" is the core message for me regarding this book.
August 23, 2021
I read it because a friend recommended it to me and it is a must-read book for people who are in a relationship but also for those who are single. It is well written and it shows another point of view about relationships and life.
December 21, 2021
Me ha encantado, para mi ha sido como descubrir otro mundo con el cuál me he identificado totalmente. Veo totalmente los patrones de relaciones que identifica en el libro y me ayuda a entenderlas. Es un gran libro.
March 8, 2022
If you’re willing to be open minded this book will serve you well. Not everyone will be ready to hear the messages but if you’re wanting to explore your feminine and masculine and sexual polarity as well as defense mechanisms you will learn something wonderful.
August 17, 2022
This book is a master work about masculine and feminine energy in intimate relationships. This is not a book you can read one time and put aside. This is one to study, discuss and intentionally practice.
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