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Madness
Brooke Danvers is pretending to be fine. She’s gotten so good at pretending that they’re letting her leave inpatient therapy. Now she just has to fake it long enough for her parents and teachers to let their guard down. This time, when she's ready to end her life, there won’t be anyone around to stop her.
Then Brooke meets Derek. Derek is the only person who really gets what Brooke is going through, because he’s going through it too. As they start spending more time together, Brooke suddenly finds herself having something to look forward to every day and maybe even happiness.
But when Derek’s feelings for her intensify, Brooke is forced to accept that the same relationship that is bringing out the best in her might be bringing out the worst in Derek—and that Derek at his worst could be capable of real darkness.
Then Brooke meets Derek. Derek is the only person who really gets what Brooke is going through, because he’s going through it too. As they start spending more time together, Brooke suddenly finds herself having something to look forward to every day and maybe even happiness.
But when Derek’s feelings for her intensify, Brooke is forced to accept that the same relationship that is bringing out the best in her might be bringing out the worst in Derek—and that Derek at his worst could be capable of real darkness.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published September 19, 2017
32 people are currently reading
1959 people want to read
About the author
Zac Brewer
2 books173 followersZ (previously Zac) is transgender and no longer using the name Heather. AKA Heather Brewer. http://zacbrewer.com/faq/
Z Brewer is the NYT bestselling author of The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod series, as well as The Slayer Chronicles series, Soulbound, The Cemetery Boys, The Blood Between Us, Madness, and more short stories than they can recall. Their pronouns are they/them. When not making readers cry because they killed off a character they loved, Z is an anti-bullying and mental health advocate. Plus, they have awesome hair.
Z lives in Southern Illinois with a husband person, one child person, and three furry overlords that some people refer to as “cats”.
Z is represented by Michael Bourret of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret Literary Management.
Z Brewer is the NYT bestselling author of The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod series, as well as The Slayer Chronicles series, Soulbound, The Cemetery Boys, The Blood Between Us, Madness, and more short stories than they can recall. Their pronouns are they/them. When not making readers cry because they killed off a character they loved, Z is an anti-bullying and mental health advocate. Plus, they have awesome hair.
Z lives in Southern Illinois with a husband person, one child person, and three furry overlords that some people refer to as “cats”.
Z is represented by Michael Bourret of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret Literary Management.
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April 25, 2021"Depression's a bitch, isn't it?"
"Almost as much as life."
I have mixed feelings about this book. For once I love the message it sends. It’s a story about finding a way back into a life that one wanted to get rid of entirely. Of finding hope, love, health. On the other hand it was not as exceptional as I wanted it to be. I didn’t get attached to any characters, I foresaw many things, mostly because the author used too many outdated clichés. Even though it is such an emotional and dark topic – that is depression and suicide – the novel lacked in emotional depth. It seemed too easy. We see a girl going from depression to a stable and healthy emotional balance. Which is, of course, what we want for her and everybody who struggles. It’s just not as simple as pictured in this book. What the author did perfectly however, was how he demonstrated the impact of domestic violence and that there is no excuse for it.
I can’t say a lot more about this novel. I liked some parts of it, and couldn’t make myself care for others.
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"Almost as much as life."
I have mixed feelings about this book. For once I love the message it sends. It’s a story about finding a way back into a life that one wanted to get rid of entirely. Of finding hope, love, health. On the other hand it was not as exceptional as I wanted it to be. I didn’t get attached to any characters, I foresaw many things, mostly because the author used too many outdated clichés. Even though it is such an emotional and dark topic – that is depression and suicide – the novel lacked in emotional depth. It seemed too easy. We see a girl going from depression to a stable and healthy emotional balance. Which is, of course, what we want for her and everybody who struggles. It’s just not as simple as pictured in this book. What the author did perfectly however, was how he demonstrated the impact of domestic violence and that there is no excuse for it.
I can’t say a lot more about this novel. I liked some parts of it, and couldn’t make myself care for others.
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September 10, 2017
I've had this book for months and would constantly pick it up to pet the cover, but would always set it back down. I wasn't ever in the right mood for it. And man, I can't believe I waited so long.
I loved Brooke. She's so much stronger than her depression and it was captivating to see how things changed for her. Duckie is hands down one of the best BFFs I've read and I loved the banter and routines that he had with Brooke. I loved it even more when Tucker comes around. Derek is interesting...I won't say more than that because spoilers.
Plot wise, it is very dark. Obviously there's talk of depression and suicide, but also cutting and drowning and hanging. Some of the discussions seemed cavalier, but I can only imagine that it was realistic because it certainly felt that way. There are light and hopeful moments, but it starts as a pinprick of light before a good portion of the sun is showing.
Overall, it grabbed me from the first page and didn't let go until the very end. And while I wanted just a bit more from the ending chapters, it went in a direction I wasn't expecting and was absolutely perfect.
**Huge thanks to Uncle Zac for providing the arc free of charge**
I loved Brooke. She's so much stronger than her depression and it was captivating to see how things changed for her. Duckie is hands down one of the best BFFs I've read and I loved the banter and routines that he had with Brooke. I loved it even more when Tucker comes around. Derek is interesting...I won't say more than that because spoilers.
Plot wise, it is very dark. Obviously there's talk of depression and suicide, but also cutting and drowning and hanging. Some of the discussions seemed cavalier, but I can only imagine that it was realistic because it certainly felt that way. There are light and hopeful moments, but it starts as a pinprick of light before a good portion of the sun is showing.
Overall, it grabbed me from the first page and didn't let go until the very end. And while I wanted just a bit more from the ending chapters, it went in a direction I wasn't expecting and was absolutely perfect.
**Huge thanks to Uncle Zac for providing the arc free of charge**
October 8, 2017
GRADE: B-
3.5 STARS
Following a suicide attempt and six weeks in a psych hospital, Brooke fakes her way home by pretending she no longer wants to die. Then she meets Derek, who understands her darkness and gets her in ways not even her best friend Duckie does. As Brooke decides maybe she wants to live, the lines between love and obsession become blurred.
In many ways, Brooke is a typical YA trope, post suicidal angry teen who pushes everyone away. Later, she realizes her therapist isn’t clueless and useless and eventually embraces treatment. While neither her character nor the story is unique, Zac Brewer creates a hopefully story not just about depression recovery, but also unhealthy/obsessive relationships.
The plot takes a ridiculous turn when Derek decides to kill himself and Brooke because of the manner in which he chooses and how she escapes fit more for an overly dramatic Lifetime TV movie than realistic fiction. Additionally, a psych hospital would never allow an attempted murder/suicide victim to visit the perpetrator of the crime as it wouldn’t be in either person’s best psychiatric interest.
MADNESS is a hopeful, yet imperfect look at depression recovery.
3.5 STARS
Following a suicide attempt and six weeks in a psych hospital, Brooke fakes her way home by pretending she no longer wants to die. Then she meets Derek, who understands her darkness and gets her in ways not even her best friend Duckie does. As Brooke decides maybe she wants to live, the lines between love and obsession become blurred.
In many ways, Brooke is a typical YA trope, post suicidal angry teen who pushes everyone away. Later, she realizes her therapist isn’t clueless and useless and eventually embraces treatment. While neither her character nor the story is unique, Zac Brewer creates a hopefully story not just about depression recovery, but also unhealthy/obsessive relationships.
The plot takes a ridiculous turn when Derek decides to kill himself and Brooke because of the manner in which he chooses and how she escapes fit more for an overly dramatic Lifetime TV movie than realistic fiction. Additionally, a psych hospital would never allow an attempted murder/suicide victim to visit the perpetrator of the crime as it wouldn’t be in either person’s best psychiatric interest.
MADNESS is a hopeful, yet imperfect look at depression recovery.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 17, 2017
Check out this and other reviews on my young adult book blog, Here's to Happy Endings!
***Actual Rating: 3.5/5 Stars***
Trigger Warning!
Before I start off on my review of this book, I want to point out that it deals with things such as depression, cutting/self-harm, and suicide attempts. If that's something that may be a trigger for you, please read with these things in mind.
In the very beginning of this book, the author writes a note that mentions that there are trigger worthy things in this book - things that are important to keep an eye out for if you have suffered through or are currently dealing with any of these things, such as self-harm, depression, and suicide. I think this was a wonderful thing to include in the book, as well as the resources that you can contact if you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide. I've read so many books that actually fail to include these things in them for readers, so this was a wonderful way to start the book, instead of adding it in at the end or not at all.
As someone who has suffered with depression and self-harm as a teenager and early on in my adult life, I wanted to read this book because it sounded incredibly powerful and important. A lot of books will skirt around the tough topics - it takes a truly brave author to actually dive into the life of a character who deals with these things on a regular basis, but it gives a raw and gripping view into what their struggle is like. For this, I fully applaud author Zac Brewer, and I believe that he has done a wonderful job in creating this novel.
Brooke Danvers is recovering from a suicide attempt. She has just spent six weeks as a patient in a hospital, being watched, getting therapy, and having people constantly make sure she is doing better so that she can go home. Brooke has been suffering from depression for a very long time, and she thinks that the one way that she can escape the suffering she is going through is to take her own life. Only this time, when she is released, she is determined not to fail.
Placed under constant supervision by her parents, teachers, and her best friend, Duckie, Brooke is desperately trying to figure out how she can escape her own life so she no longer has to feel that lingering pain. She tries to fake her way through her therapy treatments, takes the antidepressants prescribed to her, and works her way through each and every day, trying her hardest to make everyone believe that she is okay, all the while contemplating how she is going to follow through with her task.
And then she meets Derek.
Derek knows what Brooke is going through from the very first conversation they have, and from then on, Brooke is obsessed with him, falling in love with him quickly, and finding him as the reason she is starting to look on the more positive side of life, despite her therapist telling her that she needs a reason other than him to continue to move onward so she can heal. Brooke quickly realizes that she wants to be with Derek forever, and she starts lying to her parents and her friends so she can spend more and more time with him, even though everyone else thinks that he is bad news.
When Derek starts to become somewhat controlling - lashing out at other guys for even talking to Brooke, trying to spend every second of the day with her, even if she has plans with her friends - Brooke still tries to hold onto t he fact that they can work things out and that Derek is a good guy. But there is something darker behind his motives, and eventually Brooke has to find out the hard way what his plans for the two of them are.
This review is really hard for me to write because the story itself was well told and amazingly written, and it really does a brilliant job discussing the serious topics that I mentioned above. At the same time, I found myself not caring too much for the actual main character of the book, as I felt that she lacked any kind of defining personality or character traits that allowed me to feel any kind of emotions toward her. I couldn't connect to her at all, and for that reason, I found myself liking her best friend, Duckie, way more than I liked her. I disliked her attitude toward her parents, the way she talked to them, and the way that she treated her best friend. I understand that she was dealing with a lot of things, including a new boyfriend, a failed suicide attempt, therapy, etc., but I also just thought she was mean. Normally I kind of like a character with a bit of an attitude, but in this case, it felt so out of place that I just ended up thinking that she, as the main character of the book, felt a bit unlikable.
The story itself is a powerful one that I really think has a lot of character development in it. Even though I didn't care much for Brooke's character, I love the way that the author has her character develop and grow from the beginning of the book through the end. Since I love any book with plenty of positive character growth, I found myself really fond of the way her character pushed past all of the negativity going on in her life. This is a great way to show anyone that even though times can seem incredibly dark at times, there is always something worth holding on for, even if it doesn't seem it. That kind of positive message needs to be heard, so again, I applaud the author for his work on this book.
Madness puts a huge emphasis on the importance of each individual in the world, and allows you to walk away with a feeling that you really do matter, despite what may be going on in your life.
Note: I received an eARC of this book from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!
***Actual Rating: 3.5/5 Stars***
Trigger Warning!
Before I start off on my review of this book, I want to point out that it deals with things such as depression, cutting/self-harm, and suicide attempts. If that's something that may be a trigger for you, please read with these things in mind.
In the very beginning of this book, the author writes a note that mentions that there are trigger worthy things in this book - things that are important to keep an eye out for if you have suffered through or are currently dealing with any of these things, such as self-harm, depression, and suicide. I think this was a wonderful thing to include in the book, as well as the resources that you can contact if you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide. I've read so many books that actually fail to include these things in them for readers, so this was a wonderful way to start the book, instead of adding it in at the end or not at all.
As someone who has suffered with depression and self-harm as a teenager and early on in my adult life, I wanted to read this book because it sounded incredibly powerful and important. A lot of books will skirt around the tough topics - it takes a truly brave author to actually dive into the life of a character who deals with these things on a regular basis, but it gives a raw and gripping view into what their struggle is like. For this, I fully applaud author Zac Brewer, and I believe that he has done a wonderful job in creating this novel.
"'Depression's a bitch, isn't it?' I said. 'Almost as much as life.'"
Brooke Danvers is recovering from a suicide attempt. She has just spent six weeks as a patient in a hospital, being watched, getting therapy, and having people constantly make sure she is doing better so that she can go home. Brooke has been suffering from depression for a very long time, and she thinks that the one way that she can escape the suffering she is going through is to take her own life. Only this time, when she is released, she is determined not to fail.
Placed under constant supervision by her parents, teachers, and her best friend, Duckie, Brooke is desperately trying to figure out how she can escape her own life so she no longer has to feel that lingering pain. She tries to fake her way through her therapy treatments, takes the antidepressants prescribed to her, and works her way through each and every day, trying her hardest to make everyone believe that she is okay, all the while contemplating how she is going to follow through with her task.
"I'd faked my way through six weeks of treatment with all the right words to all the right people. I'd convinced them all that I was in full-on recovery mode after what happened six weeks ago. But it was a lie. I was just trying to get out of that place, away from those white, sterile walls, even t hough I had no idea what it would be like once I did."
And then she meets Derek.
Derek knows what Brooke is going through from the very first conversation they have, and from then on, Brooke is obsessed with him, falling in love with him quickly, and finding him as the reason she is starting to look on the more positive side of life, despite her therapist telling her that she needs a reason other than him to continue to move onward so she can heal. Brooke quickly realizes that she wants to be with Derek forever, and she starts lying to her parents and her friends so she can spend more and more time with him, even though everyone else thinks that he is bad news.
"'When someone's mad, truly mad, they lose control of themselves. They live in another state of mind - somewhere that you can only really understand if you've been there before.' He shrugged. 'It's the same way with love.'"
When Derek starts to become somewhat controlling - lashing out at other guys for even talking to Brooke, trying to spend every second of the day with her, even if she has plans with her friends - Brooke still tries to hold onto t he fact that they can work things out and that Derek is a good guy. But there is something darker behind his motives, and eventually Brooke has to find out the hard way what his plans for the two of them are.
This review is really hard for me to write because the story itself was well told and amazingly written, and it really does a brilliant job discussing the serious topics that I mentioned above. At the same time, I found myself not caring too much for the actual main character of the book, as I felt that she lacked any kind of defining personality or character traits that allowed me to feel any kind of emotions toward her. I couldn't connect to her at all, and for that reason, I found myself liking her best friend, Duckie, way more than I liked her. I disliked her attitude toward her parents, the way she talked to them, and the way that she treated her best friend. I understand that she was dealing with a lot of things, including a new boyfriend, a failed suicide attempt, therapy, etc., but I also just thought she was mean. Normally I kind of like a character with a bit of an attitude, but in this case, it felt so out of place that I just ended up thinking that she, as the main character of the book, felt a bit unlikable.
The story itself is a powerful one that I really think has a lot of character development in it. Even though I didn't care much for Brooke's character, I love the way that the author has her character develop and grow from the beginning of the book through the end. Since I love any book with plenty of positive character growth, I found myself really fond of the way her character pushed past all of the negativity going on in her life. This is a great way to show anyone that even though times can seem incredibly dark at times, there is always something worth holding on for, even if it doesn't seem it. That kind of positive message needs to be heard, so again, I applaud the author for his work on this book.
"Life can be really beautiful. Even if happiness is a fragile thing, it's worth fighting for."
Madness puts a huge emphasis on the importance of each individual in the world, and allows you to walk away with a feeling that you really do matter, despite what may be going on in your life.
Note: I received an eARC of this book from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!
September 19, 2017
What can I say except for that once again, Brewer has blown me away. This was a book that I could barely put down. I picked it up, and blew straight through it. Well, except for last Friday. I was having my own down day, just all kinds of things going wrong in my world, I'd ran out of my own medicine for my depression, and so I had to put the book down and take a break. That's not to say that it is a depressing book, it's just that the feelings of the main character, Brooke, and her thoughts, just were hitting too close to home at that moment in time. But once I got my meds taken on Saturday, and things started getting back to normal, I was able to pick it back up and get right back in. And Brooke's life also started looking up at the same time. That's not to say it was smooth sailing for her on the road to recovery, or that she was fully recovered by the end of the book, but you could see her healing and deciding that maybe she did want to live. That maybe there was something or more than one thing that was worth living for.
You can check out my full review at Lisa Loves Literature.
You can check out my full review at Lisa Loves Literature.
November 10, 2017
I wanted to like Madness but I have some concerns with it. If you are writing a story about someone who is depressed and suicidal make sure you do your research. I felt some points of the book were just tied up too neatly.
The one thing that turned this to a 2 star book to me was
The one thing that turned this to a 2 star book to me was
December 22, 2017
I could go on and on about my grievances with this book, but they could all fall under one phrase.
"It raised my hopes and crushed them flat."
Not a quote by anyone, it was just how I felt. This book had so much potential and so much promise that it failed to deliver. I was so ready to just dump this book and quit it. But I stayed. I had to see it through. The writing, although very stripped down, offered something for me. And toward the middle, I felt something for the book. Hope. Maybe the book will be good, I thought. It's getting better.
And then the book spat in my face with such a painfully average ending.
Look, if the author's goal was to write an average book that talks about suicide and abusive relationships, then in that regards, they have succeeded. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. Every book needn't be the greatest book ever written.
But what hurts me about this book was the promise of a better book. This could have been a better book and could have provided a much better story. Although it is a trend on the decline, this book could have been a startling commentary on finding strength in yourself instead of relying on a person to make you feel better.
And don't even get me started on the characters. We have the bad boy, the gay best friend( who although I loved more than anyone in this book, could have literally anyone else), the angsty sarcastic bratty teenager, the absentee parents, the all-knowing psychologist, the cruel unforgiving high school. Where have I seen this before? Oh wait, EVERYWHERE.
Even the progressively creepy boyfriend vibe failed. Sure there were moments, (i.e. the writing on the window, coming into her room at night really did freak out) but I felt that it could have ran much deeper with an explanation as to why he does it and more demonstrations that reflected more into his psyche. A bad boy with an abusive dad does not equal character development. You need to go further into the backstory. Show me more.
The same goes for the gay best friend Ducky. I love Ducky (who was easily my favorite character) but I felt that his only attribute was that he was gay. Seriously, look at his plot. He likes a guy and isn't sure that the guy likes him back. Ducky isn't the main character, but come on. You can't give us a gay character and not give us anything else to work with. All we know about him is that he's gay. Which there isn't anything wrong with that. But, like the bad boy, being gay isn't character development. Which I felt we would get some with his discussions to the main character about her attempt at suicide. But it wasn't enough.
And I saved the best for last: the topic of suicide. Now I do not know much about the kind of someone who is depressed, so I gave some leeway to the main character on that. But at some point, I felt that the main character just became, well, bratty. Now some of it was well deserved. Her parents didn't really listen to her, and her prinicipal and classmates didn't really help. But she really came off as stuck up and pretentious toward the people who really did care.
Overall, the book was just average. Everything hinted at something mire, but it just fell flat or got tied all nice and neat in the ending, which although it was fitting, came way too soon for me. What about the main character really talking to her dad about her attempt how he feels? What about the mom' s feelings? Why did the main character fall in love with the bad boy so much? Wasn't she reserved from everyone else? Why did we need to know about the psychologist's problems? Why was bad boy's dad abusive? Why did the bad boy's mom leave? WHY DID THE PLOT MOVE SO FAST??? I felt the book touched upon so many potentially topics but never got into any of them. The book just never went far enough.
And don't tell me that this is supposed to be 'left to the reader's imagination' or anything. There is a difference from leaving food for thought and being lazy. The ending left stuff to the reader to think about. Not much, but something. The loose ends I brought up earlier were not. I hate how much I hated this book. It could have been so much better, but I feel that to make it more accessible, a lot was cut out from it. For what it did, it was definitely was good. I only wish that it did more.
"It raised my hopes and crushed them flat."
Not a quote by anyone, it was just how I felt. This book had so much potential and so much promise that it failed to deliver. I was so ready to just dump this book and quit it. But I stayed. I had to see it through. The writing, although very stripped down, offered something for me. And toward the middle, I felt something for the book. Hope. Maybe the book will be good, I thought. It's getting better.
And then the book spat in my face with such a painfully average ending.
Look, if the author's goal was to write an average book that talks about suicide and abusive relationships, then in that regards, they have succeeded. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. Every book needn't be the greatest book ever written.
But what hurts me about this book was the promise of a better book. This could have been a better book and could have provided a much better story. Although it is a trend on the decline, this book could have been a startling commentary on finding strength in yourself instead of relying on a person to make you feel better.
And don't even get me started on the characters. We have the bad boy, the gay best friend( who although I loved more than anyone in this book, could have literally anyone else), the angsty sarcastic bratty teenager, the absentee parents, the all-knowing psychologist, the cruel unforgiving high school. Where have I seen this before? Oh wait, EVERYWHERE.
Even the progressively creepy boyfriend vibe failed. Sure there were moments, (i.e. the writing on the window, coming into her room at night really did freak out) but I felt that it could have ran much deeper with an explanation as to why he does it and more demonstrations that reflected more into his psyche. A bad boy with an abusive dad does not equal character development. You need to go further into the backstory. Show me more.
The same goes for the gay best friend Ducky. I love Ducky (who was easily my favorite character) but I felt that his only attribute was that he was gay. Seriously, look at his plot. He likes a guy and isn't sure that the guy likes him back. Ducky isn't the main character, but come on. You can't give us a gay character and not give us anything else to work with. All we know about him is that he's gay. Which there isn't anything wrong with that. But, like the bad boy, being gay isn't character development. Which I felt we would get some with his discussions to the main character about her attempt at suicide. But it wasn't enough.
And I saved the best for last: the topic of suicide. Now I do not know much about the kind of someone who is depressed, so I gave some leeway to the main character on that. But at some point, I felt that the main character just became, well, bratty. Now some of it was well deserved. Her parents didn't really listen to her, and her prinicipal and classmates didn't really help. But she really came off as stuck up and pretentious toward the people who really did care.
Overall, the book was just average. Everything hinted at something mire, but it just fell flat or got tied all nice and neat in the ending, which although it was fitting, came way too soon for me. What about the main character really talking to her dad about her attempt how he feels? What about the mom' s feelings? Why did the main character fall in love with the bad boy so much? Wasn't she reserved from everyone else? Why did we need to know about the psychologist's problems? Why was bad boy's dad abusive? Why did the bad boy's mom leave? WHY DID THE PLOT MOVE SO FAST??? I felt the book touched upon so many potentially topics but never got into any of them. The book just never went far enough.
And don't tell me that this is supposed to be 'left to the reader's imagination' or anything. There is a difference from leaving food for thought and being lazy. The ending left stuff to the reader to think about. Not much, but something. The loose ends I brought up earlier were not. I hate how much I hated this book. It could have been so much better, but I feel that to make it more accessible, a lot was cut out from it. For what it did, it was definitely was good. I only wish that it did more.
August 31, 2017
I rate this book between 4-4.5 stars.
This was a hard book for me to read because of how dark it starts, but it's very realistic. Brooke has severe depression with suicidal thoughts, and she really really wants to die. To the point where she requires inpatient treatment and says the right things to get out so she can just try again. The rest of the book is Brooke's journey. She meets a hot guy, Derek, who has similar suicidal tendencies and she falls in love for the first time, and has other new experiences. But she has to figure out for herself if her life is worth saving or not.
I have a young daughter now, and this book made me so anxious about her. What if she goes through something similar to Brooke? I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. Brooke's parents did their best but made a lot of mistakes on the way, but I can't be sure I'd do much better. Brooke was a likeable character, and even though things were dark, I was rooting for her, and wanting her to find her way out of the darkness (or madness). I loved Duckie, who was probably my favorite character and I'm glad he got his own character arc. I worried about Brooke's relationship to Derek because while I was happy Brooke got to experience love, he didn't seem whole either. The book was fast paced and hard to put down because I had to see how things would turn out for these characters.
Zac Brewer has a way with words, and I know this must have been a difficult book for him to write, but it's an important one, and one that I'm glad he has put out into the world. I hope this book offers hope to those in dark places and shows them that they have worth and in Brewer's own words: "Because the world is a far better place with you--and me-- in it."
This was a hard book for me to read because of how dark it starts, but it's very realistic. Brooke has severe depression with suicidal thoughts, and she really really wants to die. To the point where she requires inpatient treatment and says the right things to get out so she can just try again. The rest of the book is Brooke's journey. She meets a hot guy, Derek, who has similar suicidal tendencies and she falls in love for the first time, and has other new experiences. But she has to figure out for herself if her life is worth saving or not.
I have a young daughter now, and this book made me so anxious about her. What if she goes through something similar to Brooke? I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. Brooke's parents did their best but made a lot of mistakes on the way, but I can't be sure I'd do much better. Brooke was a likeable character, and even though things were dark, I was rooting for her, and wanting her to find her way out of the darkness (or madness). I loved Duckie, who was probably my favorite character and I'm glad he got his own character arc. I worried about Brooke's relationship to Derek because while I was happy Brooke got to experience love, he didn't seem whole either. The book was fast paced and hard to put down because I had to see how things would turn out for these characters.
Zac Brewer has a way with words, and I know this must have been a difficult book for him to write, but it's an important one, and one that I'm glad he has put out into the world. I hope this book offers hope to those in dark places and shows them that they have worth and in Brewer's own words: "Because the world is a far better place with you--and me-- in it."
October 3, 2017
I gave it four stars, instead of five, because she decided to save that jerk. Seriously, he tries to kill her, and she keeps him from dying. I'm very empathetic with people suffering from mental illness, and I've had severe depression most my life. However, if a stalker decides to drown us both in a river, I would just let him drown.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 26, 2017
"Welcome to the afterlife, Brooke Danvers."
So begins the most passionate, intense, and dangerous relationship 17 year old Brooke has ever known. Derek is the new guy at school, a total babe, and a complete bad boy. But when his carefully crafted facade begins to crack the darkness starts showing through. Can Brooke save Derek from himself, even as she fights her own set of demons?
This book is beautifully crafted, achingly nostalgic, and bittersweet to the very end. It is a love letter to those who have attempted suicide and survived, written in our own secret, sacred language by one of our own. It reminds us that our lives and the lives of those around us are constantly shifting and changing, and even those things inside ourselves that we think are so immutable can be removed, erased, or overcome.
It is a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are not alone. And it is a cautionary tale as well, on many levels.
I was most profoundly struck by what I considered to be one of the most important lessons the books has to teach, one that even those who do not struggle with self harm, depression, and suicidal ideation should take away as well: trust your intuition and listen to your gut!
I really, truly loved this book. I joked on Facebook that I thought the author had climbed into my head while I slept and snuck back out with my high school experiences, and that this was what made this his scariest book yet. I was wrong though. What made this book so chilling was how absolutely real it felt. How every single moment, every character, every word seemed to live in this world rather than the world of paper fantasy.
At turns this book made me weep, cheer, smile, and laugh. I can't recommend it highly enough, but I can tell you that I finished it a few hours ago and have already started over on page 1. That should tell you all you need to know.
So begins the most passionate, intense, and dangerous relationship 17 year old Brooke has ever known. Derek is the new guy at school, a total babe, and a complete bad boy. But when his carefully crafted facade begins to crack the darkness starts showing through. Can Brooke save Derek from himself, even as she fights her own set of demons?
This book is beautifully crafted, achingly nostalgic, and bittersweet to the very end. It is a love letter to those who have attempted suicide and survived, written in our own secret, sacred language by one of our own. It reminds us that our lives and the lives of those around us are constantly shifting and changing, and even those things inside ourselves that we think are so immutable can be removed, erased, or overcome.
It is a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are not alone. And it is a cautionary tale as well, on many levels.
I was most profoundly struck by what I considered to be one of the most important lessons the books has to teach, one that even those who do not struggle with self harm, depression, and suicidal ideation should take away as well: trust your intuition and listen to your gut!
I really, truly loved this book. I joked on Facebook that I thought the author had climbed into my head while I slept and snuck back out with my high school experiences, and that this was what made this his scariest book yet. I was wrong though. What made this book so chilling was how absolutely real it felt. How every single moment, every character, every word seemed to live in this world rather than the world of paper fantasy.
At turns this book made me weep, cheer, smile, and laugh. I can't recommend it highly enough, but I can tell you that I finished it a few hours ago and have already started over on page 1. That should tell you all you need to know.
October 29, 2019
This book showed a very accurate representation of depression, suicide, self harm, and mental illness in general. I thought Brooke was a fabulous character and her struggles were very relatable. There isn’t always a reason to feel the way we feel as humans. She was a great symbol of hope when it comes to mental illness.
BUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? DID DEREK SERIOUSLY TRY TO DROWN HER AND THEN KILL HIMSELF???? THIS IS SUCH A CRAP REPRESENTATION OF DEPRESSION!!!! THE WHOLE IDEA THAT THEY NEEDED TO BE TOGETHER EVEN IN DEATH WAS RIDICULOUS!!! Books like this seriously infuriate me. It is ridiculous to have a character who is so depressed that they want to commit murder????? This book just overall disappointed me so much and made me so angry. This was such a toxic read and I’m glad I wasn’t in a bad mindset when I read this.
BUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? DID DEREK SERIOUSLY TRY TO DROWN HER AND THEN KILL HIMSELF???? THIS IS SUCH A CRAP REPRESENTATION OF DEPRESSION!!!! THE WHOLE IDEA THAT THEY NEEDED TO BE TOGETHER EVEN IN DEATH WAS RIDICULOUS!!! Books like this seriously infuriate me. It is ridiculous to have a character who is so depressed that they want to commit murder????? This book just overall disappointed me so much and made me so angry. This was such a toxic read and I’m glad I wasn’t in a bad mindset when I read this.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 8, 2022
it was fine. wojdlve given 2 star cuz writing wasn’t the best and was really rushed but 3 star bc i love dramatic and crazy depressing endings
July 29, 2025
Gave it an extra star cuz the sheer stupidity of it gave me a little chuckle
October 10, 2017
Brooke suffers from depression. After being released from a facility , she fakes it even with her best friend Duckie aka Ronald. A new student Derek comes to school and she feels she has a confidante with Derek since he suffered from mental illness. However, a friendship turns into obsession for Derek and Brooke. This was an okay book. Some of it was cliched which was why it got a Meh from me.
August 13, 2018
i have mixed feelings about this book. obviously, it’s hella Edgy, and sometimes it got overwhelmingly so, especially at the beginning. i think the plot was really interesting, but it could have been better if the book were longer. if brooke’s recovery process were more realistic instead of just being a straight line of progression, for example, i think that would’ve added a lot to the story. for her to have moments of relapse and doubt would’ve been a lot more relatable and interesting. even though i didn’t like derek at all for a while, once i realized his true purpose as a character i ended up really liking his contributions to the story. i just wish it hadn’t taken so long for him to be tolerable, and that there had been stronger warning signs of what was to come at the start of their relationship. also, minor things like inconsistencies in duckie’s character (at first he was described as an optimist but then he was pessimistic about his relationship with tucker) and brooke’s being almost unbearably annoying at the beginning of the novel ticked me off. but overall madness wasn’t really bad, it just could have been a lot better.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 19, 2017
2nd book by this author. I enjoyed it but it was interesting to see that there were trigger warnings. this book was about suicide and the after affects from it. I enjoyed the therapy sessions mostly. But I felt like I was in the pretty in pink movie because one of the characters was named duckie. There was mention of breakfast club and the cure. I agree that pretty in pink was a good movie, but the name distracted me from the story. this book was good til the halfway mark, and then it went in another direction for the madness. With the name duckie I always thought of Candance from phin and Ferb and her love of duckie. Other than this distracting name and the ode to pretty in pink i liked it.
May 20, 2017
At the beginning of the novel Brooke has just left an inpatient facility after treatment for a suicide attempt. Her parents and her best friend, Duckie, are worried about her and her lack of a zest for life. As time progresses Brooke gradually begins to see hope in her life. And things get even brighter when she meets Derek, a fellow suicide survivor. But the more s Brooke falls for Derek the more she realizes that Derek may not be in the same mental space she is.
February 14, 2018
Very lightweight story that came across like an old Afterschool Special. Not a particularly bad read, just very cliched and not much depth. More for the junior high type reader than high school level.
August 13, 2023
“I was living proof that wanting to die, even trying to die, didn’t necessarily mean the end of your life.”
The beginning of this book was a doozy. I love reading books surrounding the topic of depression and suicide, but Brooke’s perspective on life and death in the first couple of chapters was a bit triggering.
I’m not a big fan of the constant mentioning of nicknames and metaphors in books, so I immediately grew tired of reading “duckie” and the crane references but hey that’s just me and my pickiness. I wasn’t a big fan of the writing in the beginning, but as the story picks up, it flows better.
Initially, I was afraid this was going to be a dark, pessimistic, “it never gets better,” pro-suicide “mental health professionals suck” kind of book. Derek first gave off “bad boy” pro-suicide vibes as well. (this is not me saying my opinion on the topic of suicide, I just didn’t want to read that kind of thing at the moment).
But as you read on, you find out it’s not like that at all. You find out Derek is human too, one that is being abused, one that can cry and feel embarrassed—one that wants to be loved.
When Things Get Ugly…
After Brooke gets together with Derek, Brewer paints a realistic picture of how it feels to stay with someone, especially someone who is mentally ill, because you are their lifeline.
Brooke starts to realize the toxicity of her relationship, but she’s afraid Derek might hurt himself if she breaks up with him. It’s difficult to know what to do in this situation, especially as a teenager. When you know someone is getting abused or (as another example) is self harming, do you tell an adult even if you promised you wouldn’t? What if they hate you and never want to talk to you again? What if telling someone puts them more at risk? It makes you wonder: what would you have done if you were Brooke, and is it easier said than done?
But Brewer shows that it’s okay to ask for help when someone you know is in danger, and there are people that can help.
When we get to the ultimate climax, Madness leans more towards fiction when Derek finally goes full yandere mode. All I could do was grimace at the graphic description of his attempt and wonder how this guy was gonna survive this, much less not have severe nerve damage. I’m not going to lie, my heart was kind of racing during these moments. From the start I knew that soda can was drugged!!
But he survives, and so does Brooke.
So, is this a, “mentally ill girl meets boy and magically recovers because of him story?”
A lot of reviews say yes, but I say no. At least, it seemed the author specifically did not want readers to think it was.
“Duckie and Tucker deserve happiness. So did I, but that didn’t have to mean romance. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time.”
Brooke realizes that she didn’t need a boyfriend to be happy. Furthermore, Derek and Brooke’s relationship isn’t portrayed in that “meets boy and gets better” light. She actually gets worse, skipping school and lying to all her loved ones. The author makes it obvious that it is toxic, and Brooke’s “love” toward him was unhealthy. Even Duckie disapproved how quick Brooke was to use the L word. In the end, Brooke realizes it’s better to not be in a relationship for now, noting Derek had a lot of work to do to improve his mental health.
The Turnaround
“My parents, it turned out, weren’t there to judge me. they just wanted to help me.”
Madness wasn’t an anti-mental health professionals book either. Brooke eventually realizes that she needs to open up in order to feel the progress from therapy. I really loved reading the interactions and growing relationship between her and her therapist. Though, the book certainly highlights the flawed system that is psych wards. Brooke also feels the effects feeling suicidal can have on loved ones.
The Little Things
(1) I love love Duckie and Brooke’s relationship. Honestly I never got the whole old 70s and 80s films “Rocky Horror Picture Show” interests I see teens have in books (I really wish I did, it all sounds very fun and interesting), but the dynamic between the two were amazingly warm. Duckie is a great friend.
(2) I love the bit where Brewer shines light on parents saying mentally unwell kids just want attention.
Ultimately, this book does teach some important lessons and sheds light on serious topics. I rate it a 3/5.
(If you would like to read a book similar to Madness, but less graphic, I would recommend “My Heart and Other Black Holes.”)
The beginning of this book was a doozy. I love reading books surrounding the topic of depression and suicide, but Brooke’s perspective on life and death in the first couple of chapters was a bit triggering.
I’m not a big fan of the constant mentioning of nicknames and metaphors in books, so I immediately grew tired of reading “duckie” and the crane references but hey that’s just me and my pickiness. I wasn’t a big fan of the writing in the beginning, but as the story picks up, it flows better.
Initially, I was afraid this was going to be a dark, pessimistic, “it never gets better,” pro-suicide “mental health professionals suck” kind of book. Derek first gave off “bad boy” pro-suicide vibes as well. (this is not me saying my opinion on the topic of suicide, I just didn’t want to read that kind of thing at the moment).
But as you read on, you find out it’s not like that at all. You find out Derek is human too, one that is being abused, one that can cry and feel embarrassed—one that wants to be loved.
When Things Get Ugly…
After Brooke gets together with Derek, Brewer paints a realistic picture of how it feels to stay with someone, especially someone who is mentally ill, because you are their lifeline.
Brooke starts to realize the toxicity of her relationship, but she’s afraid Derek might hurt himself if she breaks up with him. It’s difficult to know what to do in this situation, especially as a teenager. When you know someone is getting abused or (as another example) is self harming, do you tell an adult even if you promised you wouldn’t? What if they hate you and never want to talk to you again? What if telling someone puts them more at risk? It makes you wonder: what would you have done if you were Brooke, and is it easier said than done?
But Brewer shows that it’s okay to ask for help when someone you know is in danger, and there are people that can help.
When we get to the ultimate climax, Madness leans more towards fiction when Derek finally goes full yandere mode. All I could do was grimace at the graphic description of his attempt and wonder how this guy was gonna survive this, much less not have severe nerve damage. I’m not going to lie, my heart was kind of racing during these moments. From the start I knew that soda can was drugged!!
But he survives, and so does Brooke.
So, is this a, “mentally ill girl meets boy and magically recovers because of him story?”
A lot of reviews say yes, but I say no. At least, it seemed the author specifically did not want readers to think it was.
“Duckie and Tucker deserve happiness. So did I, but that didn’t have to mean romance. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time.”
Brooke realizes that she didn’t need a boyfriend to be happy. Furthermore, Derek and Brooke’s relationship isn’t portrayed in that “meets boy and gets better” light. She actually gets worse, skipping school and lying to all her loved ones. The author makes it obvious that it is toxic, and Brooke’s “love” toward him was unhealthy. Even Duckie disapproved how quick Brooke was to use the L word. In the end, Brooke realizes it’s better to not be in a relationship for now, noting Derek had a lot of work to do to improve his mental health.
The Turnaround
“My parents, it turned out, weren’t there to judge me. they just wanted to help me.”
Madness wasn’t an anti-mental health professionals book either. Brooke eventually realizes that she needs to open up in order to feel the progress from therapy. I really loved reading the interactions and growing relationship between her and her therapist. Though, the book certainly highlights the flawed system that is psych wards. Brooke also feels the effects feeling suicidal can have on loved ones.
The Little Things
(1) I love love Duckie and Brooke’s relationship. Honestly I never got the whole old 70s and 80s films “Rocky Horror Picture Show” interests I see teens have in books (I really wish I did, it all sounds very fun and interesting), but the dynamic between the two were amazingly warm. Duckie is a great friend.
(2) I love the bit where Brewer shines light on parents saying mentally unwell kids just want attention.
Ultimately, this book does teach some important lessons and sheds light on serious topics. I rate it a 3/5.
(If you would like to read a book similar to Madness, but less graphic, I would recommend “My Heart and Other Black Holes.”)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 4, 2019
I am struggling to find the words to articulate how angry I am with this book, which started with such extraordinary potential, as Brewer captures so well the experience of depression in a way to make it at least somewhat understandable to someone who has never suffered its symptoms -- the lack of some specific trauma or definable *reason* for Brooke's suicidal symptoms is one of the most effective illustrations I've read of the truth of suicidal depression as an brain illness illness, not simply a reaction to a life situation. Brewer's depictions of her inexplicable anhedonia, her determination to die despite a loving best friend and parents who are making an effort to help her, and her glacially slow and yet definite progress toward an upward spiral is depicted believably and with sensitivity.
On the other hand, we have Derek, a character who also had suicidal symptoms, but who has every possible life circumstance to explain his wish to be free from emotional suffering: a missing mother, an alcoholic father who is both verbally and physically abusive and prone to violent rages, poverty, no academic success or activities, no friendships, and no hope for the future.
I was so disappointed at this over-the-top portrayal of a mentally ill guy from the wrong side of the tracks, who careens at lightning speed from mysterious to devoted to possessive to abusive to homicidal. Brewer reinforces dangerously inaccurate stereotypes by pitting a "good depressed girl" as the victim of the poor, murderous depressed boy, whose desperate (and justifiable need) for love is expressly presented as an understandable explanation for him turning homicidal. Brewer seems to be suggesting that violent possessiveness and homicidality are justified by abuse and life circumstances. Toxic masculinity -- homicidal impulses toward women who reject men -- is a system built on entitlement and viewing women as possessions or status symbols. It is not an organic brain illness. And men who kill women who reject them are not more likely to be clinically depressed, or children of alcoholics, or victims of childhood abuse.
As a reader who is a survivor of childhood trauma, depression, suicidality, and suicide loss, I appreciated so much about the first half of this novel. But the ending is HORRIBLE. And dangerous. [More detailed objections include spoilers below.]
Worse than the stereotyped "bad boy" character was how Brewer decided to have his main character respond to
Rather than being a hopeful roadmap for teenagers with depression, the novel reinforces dangerously inaccurate stereotypes and reads explicitly like apologia for abuse and an affirmation that a woman is responsible for healing the wounds of her abuser. Not recommended, unless it's somehow used as an object illustration of how *not* to support a survivor of domestic violence.
On the other hand, we have Derek, a character who also had suicidal symptoms, but who has every possible life circumstance to explain his wish to be free from emotional suffering: a missing mother, an alcoholic father who is both verbally and physically abusive and prone to violent rages, poverty, no academic success or activities, no friendships, and no hope for the future.
I was so disappointed at this over-the-top portrayal of a mentally ill guy from the wrong side of the tracks, who careens at lightning speed from mysterious to devoted to possessive to abusive to homicidal. Brewer reinforces dangerously inaccurate stereotypes by pitting a "good depressed girl" as the victim of the poor, murderous depressed boy, whose desperate (and justifiable need) for love is expressly presented as an understandable explanation for him turning homicidal. Brewer seems to be suggesting that violent possessiveness and homicidality are justified by abuse and life circumstances. Toxic masculinity -- homicidal impulses toward women who reject men -- is a system built on entitlement and viewing women as possessions or status symbols. It is not an organic brain illness. And men who kill women who reject them are not more likely to be clinically depressed, or children of alcoholics, or victims of childhood abuse.
As a reader who is a survivor of childhood trauma, depression, suicidality, and suicide loss, I appreciated so much about the first half of this novel. But the ending is HORRIBLE. And dangerous. [More detailed objections include spoilers below.]
Worse than the stereotyped "bad boy" character was how Brewer decided to have his main character respond to
Rather than being a hopeful roadmap for teenagers with depression, the novel reinforces dangerously inaccurate stereotypes and reads explicitly like apologia for abuse and an affirmation that a woman is responsible for healing the wounds of her abuser. Not recommended, unless it's somehow used as an object illustration of how *not* to support a survivor of domestic violence.
November 9, 2017
Does Uncle Z ever fail? I say no, and this latest, perhaps his darkest novel to date, is no exception. Take all the trigger warnings at the beginning of the book seriously, and if you have issues with depression and/or suicidal ideation, take all the caution if you decide to go forth and read this book. Me, I do have such issues, though perhaps more mildly than most (and my depression is only self-diagnosed, but there's really no diagnosis to make suicidal ideation sound more "official"), which means while Madness was a painful read - and probably the only book by Uncle Z I'd only ever read once - it was nevertheless a powerful one.
It's also a strong continuation of the style of Z's previous dark contemporaries, The Cemetery Boys and The Blood Between Us, with strong undercurrents of psychological nastiness and a lot of thriller twists right at the end that totally overturn the story and leave you gasping for breath. I also saw a lot of myself in Brooke - though I've never engaged in self-harm (and I still credit that, to this day, to having written that into my own books), I completely relate to how she describes her own depression. No discernible source, no obvious trauma behind it all. It just...is, and there's no explanation. Maybe if I were to find myself a therapist, they'd help me further manage it before it ever gets to the level Brooke experiences.
And then there's Duckie's story, which keeps this story from getting too deep into the abyss, and makes me think a tad bit more of Becky Albertalli than Z Brewer. Duckie makes me think a bit of how my high school life would have been if I were a little less afraid of my own queer self at the time - and if I'd had the sort of parents who didn't make me afraid. Brooke's parents, though, are more like mine, pushing Brooke into extracurriculars as they do - and acting like her mental problems are less from illness and more from toxic, attention-seeking behavior.
Oh, and Derek. But if I say too much about him, here there be spoilers, so I won't say too much. Let's just say even if you're a student of Uncle Z like I am, even if you appreciate him as a deconstruction of the "bad boy" archetype, you'll still not see a lot of what he does coming. he's also got a Siberian husky named Vikas - yes, Uncle Z, we all see what you did there.
Like I said, this is probably the one Zac Brewer book I'll only ever read once. But that once is enough for such a masterpiece as this, what only Uncle Z can give us.
It's also a strong continuation of the style of Z's previous dark contemporaries, The Cemetery Boys and The Blood Between Us, with strong undercurrents of psychological nastiness and a lot of thriller twists right at the end that totally overturn the story and leave you gasping for breath. I also saw a lot of myself in Brooke - though I've never engaged in self-harm (and I still credit that, to this day, to having written that into my own books), I completely relate to how she describes her own depression. No discernible source, no obvious trauma behind it all. It just...is, and there's no explanation. Maybe if I were to find myself a therapist, they'd help me further manage it before it ever gets to the level Brooke experiences.
And then there's Duckie's story, which keeps this story from getting too deep into the abyss, and makes me think a tad bit more of Becky Albertalli than Z Brewer. Duckie makes me think a bit of how my high school life would have been if I were a little less afraid of my own queer self at the time - and if I'd had the sort of parents who didn't make me afraid. Brooke's parents, though, are more like mine, pushing Brooke into extracurriculars as they do - and acting like her mental problems are less from illness and more from toxic, attention-seeking behavior.
Oh, and Derek. But if I say too much about him, here there be spoilers, so I won't say too much. Let's just say even if you're a student of Uncle Z like I am, even if you appreciate him as a deconstruction of the "bad boy" archetype, you'll still not see a lot of what he does coming. he's also got a Siberian husky named Vikas - yes, Uncle Z, we all see what you did there.
Like I said, this is probably the one Zac Brewer book I'll only ever read once. But that once is enough for such a masterpiece as this, what only Uncle Z can give us.
January 30, 2023
Madness is a book of suicide, depression and love by Zac Brewer. It starts with our main character, Brooke Danvers, in the car with her mom riding home from a 6 week stay at the Kingsdale Hospital. She was there because of her attempted suicide, she is in a place of darkness still because she lied about being better, she faked it, she is still suicidal. That is until she meets Derek, a boy who goes to her school, she instantly falls for him. They start hanging out and then they start to date. All is well for Brooke, she is happier, not in a dark place anymore, until Derek accuses Brooke of hooking up with her best friend, Ronald/Duckie. Duckie is gay and is in the talking stage with a boy named Tucker. There is a party and the 4 go to it, when Brooke sees Michael Stein, a friend of hers, and they hug, when Derek comes over and punches him in the face for no reason. Brooke breaks up with Derek but feels like they need some closure so they agree to meet. When the meet Derek hands Brooke a half dranken pop can, he drugged it, she passes out and when she wakes up they are at Black River, the river she tried to commit suicide in. Derek holds her tight and jumps into the water, he tries to drown her. Brooke fakes her death to make Derek let go of her, after he lets go he slits his wrists in attempt to kill himself again. Brooke pulled him out of the water and saved him. The book ends with Brooke visiting Derek in the Kingsdale Hospital and telling him it will be ok and that things will get better.
I’d say one of the central ideas of the book is definitely Brooks suicide attempt, the whole book is centered around it and without her attempt, there would be no book. And because of her attempt she connects with Derek and they fall in love and then he tries to kill her, but that’s not the point. As at the bottom of page 69 and all of page 70 is about her second suicide attempt.
And even the entire book is about her struggle with suicide and how throughout the book found reasons to live.
I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with, has dealt with, or is trying to learn more about mental health and the effect it has. I say this because it is an interesting point of view of mental health and how much someone can be affected by it. Because even though Brooke is not in a bad household or has anything to make her feel that way, she was still suicidal. And I think that it’s important for people to know that even if it seems like nothing is wrong with someone's life, they can still feel like Brooke.
I’d say one of the central ideas of the book is definitely Brooks suicide attempt, the whole book is centered around it and without her attempt, there would be no book. And because of her attempt she connects with Derek and they fall in love and then he tries to kill her, but that’s not the point. As at the bottom of page 69 and all of page 70 is about her second suicide attempt.
And even the entire book is about her struggle with suicide and how throughout the book found reasons to live.
I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with, has dealt with, or is trying to learn more about mental health and the effect it has. I say this because it is an interesting point of view of mental health and how much someone can be affected by it. Because even though Brooke is not in a bad household or has anything to make her feel that way, she was still suicidal. And I think that it’s important for people to know that even if it seems like nothing is wrong with someone's life, they can still feel like Brooke.
January 5, 2018
Trigger Warning: Suicide + Depression
Wow, that was a hard-hitting book!
I literally didn't know anything about this book before I read the first page and within the first 5 pages or so I'd read, I was like WOAH, okay - this is getting deep. It was so uncomfortable too, which I guess was the point but it was so realistic that I was literally squirming whilst I was reading.
Suicide is such a hard thing to read about, to talk about and even think about, and with the numbers rising all over the world, it hits really hard. I think, even though it was the whole point, how uncomforting it was is the reason why I can't give this 5 stars. It probably deserves 5 stars, but personally I can't give it that.
One thing that I should say though, is that although there is a lot of character growth in this book, the majority of this book is really, really dark. So, if you aren't in the right mood or frame of mind, this is not something you should be reading.
Aside from that, I did have a few tiny issues with this book.
1) AGAIN we see yet another example of a gay best friend being use as a plot device. We don't get to see much development of his character which is frustrating because every person, whether the protagonist or not, is just as important.
2) Derek is your typical bad-boy. What is it about this kind of character that just attracts nearly every single female YA character? I get that it ties in with the protagonist's storyline in a sense, but in general this is a trope that just infuriates me to no end. And also, we never hear about what Derek is actually like at school and how he interacts with others there. If he was so attractive and such a bad-boy, wouldn't he already have friends or people interested in him before he met Brooke?
Anyways, yeah. Not quite sure what I think about this one. Not something I'd re-read, but definitely a interesting book that I can see sparking some very important conversations.
Wow, that was a hard-hitting book!
I literally didn't know anything about this book before I read the first page and within the first 5 pages or so I'd read, I was like WOAH, okay - this is getting deep. It was so uncomfortable too, which I guess was the point but it was so realistic that I was literally squirming whilst I was reading.
Suicide is such a hard thing to read about, to talk about and even think about, and with the numbers rising all over the world, it hits really hard. I think, even though it was the whole point, how uncomforting it was is the reason why I can't give this 5 stars. It probably deserves 5 stars, but personally I can't give it that.
One thing that I should say though, is that although there is a lot of character growth in this book, the majority of this book is really, really dark. So, if you aren't in the right mood or frame of mind, this is not something you should be reading.
Aside from that, I did have a few tiny issues with this book.
1) AGAIN we see yet another example of a gay best friend being use as a plot device. We don't get to see much development of his character which is frustrating because every person, whether the protagonist or not, is just as important.
2) Derek is your typical bad-boy. What is it about this kind of character that just attracts nearly every single female YA character? I get that it ties in with the protagonist's storyline in a sense, but in general this is a trope that just infuriates me to no end. And also, we never hear about what Derek is actually like at school and how he interacts with others there. If he was so attractive and such a bad-boy, wouldn't he already have friends or people interested in him before he met Brooke?
Anyways, yeah. Not quite sure what I think about this one. Not something I'd re-read, but definitely a interesting book that I can see sparking some very important conversations.
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March 6, 2018
PUBLISHED : September 2017
READ : MARCH 2018
THIS BOOK WAS DARK AND SAD AND JUST A HOT MESS!
TRIGGER WARNINGS: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, SELF-HARM
I don’t even know where to begin with this book. It starts with the mc Brooke leaving a inpatient hospital. She has been there for 6 weeks because she tried to drown herself in the Black River. She doesn’t want to live. She is thinking of a way to kill herself again.
Brooke has a best friend named Ronald aka Duckie. He is gay. They both like theatre and hanging out watching movies.
Madness was really depressing. Brooke was constantly complaining about life and how she didn’t want to live. It brought back memories for me when I was in the 5th grade and attempted suicide. I battle depression as well so reading this was pretty tough.
I could have stopped reading but I wanted to see Brooke get better. She ends up meeting this dude named Derek and she falls in love 🤦🏽♀️ She ONLY KNEW THE BOY TWO WEEKS AND SHE WAS IN LOVE AND HAD SEX WITH HIM. Let me insert a quote: “My body tingled in ways that it never had, and I was so glad that I was doing this with the boy I was completely in love with.” How just how?
Once Brooke had sex with Derek things started going downhill. Derek started to be controlling questioning her every 5 minutes. Lashing out. Now he gets abused by his dad so he doesn’t handle relationships well.
The ending of this book was just insane. I won’t spoil it but Derek is CRAZY 😳 I won’t say that. He was just very troubled. This book was going to be a 2.5 ⭐️ but that ending put it to a 3. Despite all the depressing sadness this was an ok read. I was glad to see Brooke’s growth (even if Derek was the cause of that🙄) I wish she would have been able to heal on her own.
THANK YOU TO EDLEWEISS FOR SENDING ME A COPY IN EXCHANGE FOR AN HONEST REVIEW
READ : MARCH 2018
THIS BOOK WAS DARK AND SAD AND JUST A HOT MESS!
TRIGGER WARNINGS: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, SELF-HARM
I don’t even know where to begin with this book. It starts with the mc Brooke leaving a inpatient hospital. She has been there for 6 weeks because she tried to drown herself in the Black River. She doesn’t want to live. She is thinking of a way to kill herself again.
Brooke has a best friend named Ronald aka Duckie. He is gay. They both like theatre and hanging out watching movies.
Madness was really depressing. Brooke was constantly complaining about life and how she didn’t want to live. It brought back memories for me when I was in the 5th grade and attempted suicide. I battle depression as well so reading this was pretty tough.
I could have stopped reading but I wanted to see Brooke get better. She ends up meeting this dude named Derek and she falls in love 🤦🏽♀️ She ONLY KNEW THE BOY TWO WEEKS AND SHE WAS IN LOVE AND HAD SEX WITH HIM. Let me insert a quote: “My body tingled in ways that it never had, and I was so glad that I was doing this with the boy I was completely in love with.” How just how?
Once Brooke had sex with Derek things started going downhill. Derek started to be controlling questioning her every 5 minutes. Lashing out. Now he gets abused by his dad so he doesn’t handle relationships well.
The ending of this book was just insane. I won’t spoil it but Derek is CRAZY 😳 I won’t say that. He was just very troubled. This book was going to be a 2.5 ⭐️ but that ending put it to a 3. Despite all the depressing sadness this was an ok read. I was glad to see Brooke’s growth (even if Derek was the cause of that🙄) I wish she would have been able to heal on her own.
THANK YOU TO EDLEWEISS FOR SENDING ME A COPY IN EXCHANGE FOR AN HONEST REVIEW
May 19, 2021
I thought this was an interesting take on depression and suicide. I love the symbolism behind the cranes in this book. I love how they once represented times when Brooke wanted to die, then represented reasons she wanted to live. I thought that it was nice that Derek and Brooke had each other, someone to relate to, someone to live for (evidently, someone to die for, as Derek thought was ). I know what it's like to feel completely alone in this world, like nobody would miss me, feeling completely hopeless and broken. I know what it's like to be in such a dark place that I wanted (and admittedly, sometimes still do) to leave this world behind. I was glad that Derek was getting help in the end. He made mistakes, but don't we all? I know what it's like to be grasping for someone's hand as you fall, begging for someone to save you when you can't save yourself. I know what it's like, and I felt for him. I hated that his father was such a monster, how he hurt him, how he made him feel so worthless. I know what that's like. Though I've never self-harmed, I've thought about doing it more times than I'd like to admit to. It broke my heart how in the end, he tried finishing what he started, slicing into his skin, so deep that he would no longer have to be in any pain. How he pushed Brooke's head under the water, to be with her forever, to have somebody who loved him and wouldn't leave him as so many had. I was glad that Brooke found her reasons to live, that she was finally happy, as she deserved to be. She grew a lot as a person in this story, as I hope Derek did after this book ended. I hope that he finally got everything he deserved, a happy life that was worth living for. I hope to one day be happy that I have survived, to be happy that the sun has risen once again. I hope that one day, I will be able to smile, to be happy, to be okay.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 9, 2018
There are reasons teens kill themselves. Sometimes the reason is event related, sometimes it's a cumulative series of really bad experiences, but there are some teens who simply feel so discouraged, no reason is required or identifiable. That's where Brooke Danvers finds herself when the story begins. She's faked her way through six weeks of inpatient therapy and now her goal is to fool everyone until the opportunity to be successful at taking her life appears.
When she meets Derek, a new kid at her high school, something about his moodiness and emotional darkness pulls her to him, even though the last thing she needs or wants is a new human connection. Despite knowing this, Brooke can't help spending more and more time with him because he 'gets' her darkness and need to act on it. He's been there, done that and made it out the other side, even though he has some nasty scars on his arms to remind him what happened.
The more they're together, the more Brooke starts to wonder whether there might be another way to survive, one that would allow her to feel something besides overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. She starts opening up more and more with her outpatient therapist who surprises her with his own insight and experiences.
When a crisis does come, it's not what Brooke or the reader expects, but it's one that's gritty and makes sense. This is a very good book for libraries where real life mental health issues are important and it might well save a life or two.
When she meets Derek, a new kid at her high school, something about his moodiness and emotional darkness pulls her to him, even though the last thing she needs or wants is a new human connection. Despite knowing this, Brooke can't help spending more and more time with him because he 'gets' her darkness and need to act on it. He's been there, done that and made it out the other side, even though he has some nasty scars on his arms to remind him what happened.
The more they're together, the more Brooke starts to wonder whether there might be another way to survive, one that would allow her to feel something besides overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. She starts opening up more and more with her outpatient therapist who surprises her with his own insight and experiences.
When a crisis does come, it's not what Brooke or the reader expects, but it's one that's gritty and makes sense. This is a very good book for libraries where real life mental health issues are important and it might well save a life or two.
January 6, 2018
First of all, if you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts I would be very cautious with reading this book.
Now into my actual thoughts of the book, it was very heavy. I read the sleeve of the book and that’s what caught my interest. The ending of it was much heavier than I imposed.
At first when the romance between Brooke and Derek began it was almost a reminder of past relationships and that puppy love, full of love stage of a relationship. Due to my past relationships and age (not that I’m old) I could tell the relationship was turning toxic. It turned much more toxic that I expected though.
I used to self harm. I’ve been in toxic, obsessive relationships. I’ve never attempted suicide but the book was very dark.
It also had a great ending though for Brooke and her hope was just beautiful. Her and Duckie’s relationship was something a lot of us can relate to. I was very happy for Brooke’s development and the way the author went about saving Derek. Sure it put Brooke at risk but she developed emotionally and mentally and was able to conquer that.
Overall, a very enjoyable book about a heavy topic.
Now into my actual thoughts of the book, it was very heavy. I read the sleeve of the book and that’s what caught my interest. The ending of it was much heavier than I imposed.
At first when the romance between Brooke and Derek began it was almost a reminder of past relationships and that puppy love, full of love stage of a relationship. Due to my past relationships and age (not that I’m old) I could tell the relationship was turning toxic. It turned much more toxic that I expected though.
I used to self harm. I’ve been in toxic, obsessive relationships. I’ve never attempted suicide but the book was very dark.
It also had a great ending though for Brooke and her hope was just beautiful. Her and Duckie’s relationship was something a lot of us can relate to. I was very happy for Brooke’s development and the way the author went about saving Derek. Sure it put Brooke at risk but she developed emotionally and mentally and was able to conquer that.
Overall, a very enjoyable book about a heavy topic.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 7, 2021
I don’t remember adding this to my TBR so I was pleasantly surprised when my mom gifted this book to me for Christmas last year. I absolutely love the book cover which made this a highly anticipated read for me despite not usually liking books of this topic (ahem - stalker/abusive significant others). However, this book was really well written and I enjoyed the characters a lot. I was really surprised by this as I expected it to be too edgy (don’t get me wrong, it is still edgy) and I was fully expecting myself to DNF it but I breezed through it in only a day and a half! I loved the friendship between Brooke and Duckie as it felt natural and it was sweet watching Duckie’s relationship with Tucker develop. While Brooke made some questionable decisions in this book, she felt natural and like an actual teenager. Despite having the stalker boyfriend trope, Derek’s character was interesting as it is questionable whether or not he is just a bad guy and lying to Brooke or a deeply hurt guy with questionable but well-intentions. I liked this quite a bit and I’m glad I gave it a shot.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 11, 2018
I was reluctant to read this book and I'm not sure why. Once I actually gave it time, I did enjoy it. I definitely don't think this book is suitable for YA. Maybe certain mature young people, but I think it could be really triggering and confusing to some teens dealing with emotional issues and unsure of how to deal with difficult feelings. This book was also a bit unrealistic. Mid book, Brooke is suddenly not depressed anymore and wants to live. Because of her relationship with Derek? Maybe. But I felt like a big chunk of book was almost missing. Suddenly Brooke goes from suicidal (attempting suicide a second time?) to happy and wanting to live. Ideal for real life, but not realistic by any means. Also, the murder-suicide attempt was a bit.. strange? I'll admit I was not expecting that, but it just didn't feel real enough. I did connect with the characters, although the dad really pissed me off at times. I absolutely loved Duckie. Overall, I'm glad I decided to read this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 6, 2018
Dear Addicts of ink and paper,
This book is insane. Just insane. This book, when reading it, made this happy live life to the fullest and never a suicidal thought-besides morbid curiousity- teenage girl with nothing but plans for the future into someone who wanted to take sleeping pills and a pocket knife to themselves. Now that is an insanely good book. Great writing. As an aspiring writer, this book deserves a prize. Unlike so many. I'm talking about you Shadow Shaper. Unlike that book this is amazing-to put it lightly. Brooke is crazy in the good way and Derek...well you'll see it coming but you won't want to stop. Zac made you be Brooke, be one with the darkness. This is a darkness, besides your own, you won't want-or can't-escape from. READ! READ! READ! Oh did I mention READ!!!
Sincerely
The girl with the right screws lose
See you in looney vil. I especially like the caffeine drinks on lost it lane. Best coffee ever.
This book is insane. Just insane. This book, when reading it, made this happy live life to the fullest and never a suicidal thought-besides morbid curiousity- teenage girl with nothing but plans for the future into someone who wanted to take sleeping pills and a pocket knife to themselves. Now that is an insanely good book. Great writing. As an aspiring writer, this book deserves a prize. Unlike so many. I'm talking about you Shadow Shaper. Unlike that book this is amazing-to put it lightly. Brooke is crazy in the good way and Derek...well you'll see it coming but you won't want to stop. Zac made you be Brooke, be one with the darkness. This is a darkness, besides your own, you won't want-or can't-escape from. READ! READ! READ! Oh did I mention READ!!!
Sincerely
The girl with the right screws lose
See you in looney vil. I especially like the caffeine drinks on lost it lane. Best coffee ever.
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