Dancing With Ghosts

by Emily Gillespie

Freshman year of university was supposed to mean freedom.

It was supposed to be her escape from parents who didn’t understand her – who turned Patricia away every time she reached out for help. New city, new school, new friends, fresh start – wasn’t that how it’s supposed to work?

Instead, when Patricia moves from her small, isolating hometown to the bustling, sprawling cityscape of Toronto, she finds herself more alone than ever. When she meets Derek – an intriguing yet mysterious classmate – she’s instantly drawn in by his worldly knowledge and easy charm.

For a while, things between them are perfect. For a while, it’s thrilling being invited into a world unlike anything Patricia’s experienced before.

But this isn’t a love story and not everyone is what they seem.

Genres: Romance

258 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2017

About the author

Emily Gillespie (also known as Ava) (she/her) is a mad and autistic author, disability activist, and professional daydreamer. Gillespie has a BA in Gender Equality and Social Justice an MA in Critical Disability Studies and a certificate in Creative Writing. They have volunteered and worked in the disability community as an activist, researcher, and facilitator for over ten years. Her writing explores themes of memory, identity and mental health journeys. They enjoy working in community spaces and examining individual and collective experiences. Dancing with Ghosts (Leaping Lion Books, 2017) is her first novel. Their poetry and short-stories can be found in several journals and anthologies. She is currently drafting her second grant funded novel about the failures of the emergency mental health system. In her spare time Emily enjoys reading, walking, dancing, swimming and people watching in cafes throughout Toronto. Emily can be found curled up in her bed full of unicorn plushies dreaming of a more just and loving world for all marginalized and disabled folks.

Reviews

[Tasha Barbour · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dancing With Ghosts explores a wide range of themes, from consent, abuse, identity, and of course mental health and the broken system through which so many of us have to navigate. This story dissects and debunks the romanticized ideals of mental illness and abusive relationships, while the reader bears witness to Patricia as she tries to keep from drowning in human cruelty, apathy, and as she battles her own mind. As she springs from the pages of the book to both confront the reader and to bring meaning to her story (a story shared by so many others like her) Patricia becomes real enough to share in one's own frustrations and uncertainties.

[Tashfin Awal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads Giveaways and have chosen to give my honest opinion about it.
Very real and relatable (even though the story is completely unique), the characters are lovable (especially Patricia), I would definitely recommend this! And the use of setting was phenomenal, loved this book.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a raw, but very real depiction of the struggles faced everyday by young adults. Touching on the topics of love, relationships, mental health, abuse, and societal standards, "Dancing With Ghosts" gives a voice to the reader's who are not able to raise theirs.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I appreciate the complexity of the emotions and the seriousness of the issues this book touches on, I found it very hard to get into at first. I'm glad I stuck with it and finished it, I felt portions of it a bit lacking. There are some graphic details in it so it's not for the feint of heart - but it really adds to the "realness" of the storey and is a very important component so do not let it discourage you. I won this through a Goodreads giveaway and now that I've finished it, I'm including it in my next donation to the woman's shelter in hopes that it may provide someone else some comfort.

[Denny Reese · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I began this story I drew upon the quiet strength of the words.

The main character reminds me of myself during the university period of my life. I like how her voice breaks down the elements of life, dull and questioning and how she contemplates matters of sanity, normalcy, and purpose; asking the things that cannot easily be shared. This story is a glimpse into the feelings of emptiness and anxiety that plague teens starting into our young adult years.

I recommend this book to struggling teens and young adults.

[Lisa Wegner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily Gillespie's novel Dancing With Ghosts is an intense, raw, authentic read. I read it in the tub, I read it in the yard and I carried it around. I chose to read it slowly and take it out of the library twice.

This gorgeously written story tells the truth about the horrific mental health services in Toronto, and as someone who has tried to access mental health services, it made me feel normal to realize others had similar experiences. The main character Patricia rings true and after finishing the novel, she feels like someone I know.

It is refreshing to read a book that so honestly and unflinchingly looks at the sexual appetites and powerful rage of a woman who refuses to be anything but the heroine of her own story.

I do want to say this isn't an easy book to read. There are some scenes I had to take a break because it was getting heavy and dark.

It's truthful, it's heavy, it's dark, it's beautiful, it's delicious, it's real. I would highly recommend it to any person who has been let down by the mental health system and those who don't know how bad it can be. And those of us who have loved monsters and those who could never understand. This book is for you too.

Thanks Emily Gillespie for writing Dancing With Ghosts.

[Geoffrey Huck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brave and often searing book. The issue of consent or the lack thereof between women and the men they date is very much with us today, but the psychological damage of sexual abuse to the abused is frequently glossed over. Ms. Gillespie takes us into the fragile psyche of Patricia, a well-meaning university student with an interest in sexual exploration, and graphically depicts not only the disintegration of the fabric that holds her world together but also the failings of the mental health system that she is thrown into. An often brilliant dissection of a very contemporary problem. Highly recommended.

[Gisela Schwenk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is written by a very talented writer. I did not want to skip a single word. The life and experience the main character had with Derrick was horrible and disgusting but also had some beautiful moments. The insight on mental illness was an eye opener.This book is raw and very graphic with an air of authenticity.Even though the sexual activities are very crude and cruel you can't help but want to continue reading because it is written with class and honesty. A shocking story beautifully expressed. A must read.

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great first novel from this author! I just finished it and I was very much impressed. She tackled so many difficult topics in such a relatable way. I started reading 50 Shades back when it was popular and I was so pissed off that I had to stop. Thank you Emily for recognizing abuse for what it is. Plus you hit the nail on the head regarding our mental health system. Congrats on your first novel. You did an amazing job.

[Celeste Lucidity · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I just finished your book. I feel different.
Your raw, unfettered, throw-it-out-there style (can't find another word just now) is grating and ripe, potent and real, again RAW and reveals the tumultuous, ice cream on the sidewalk, beetle on it's back effect of feeling isolated and left behind. Very powerful.
Thank you for your great work, for your commitment to this painful story, for seeing it through.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It felt more like a memoir than a work of fiction. It was that honest and that real. The main character/narrator and her story had me angry & sobbing at different parts of the story. I could personally identity with many of the mental health issues in the book. Highly, HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

[Ramona Kiyoshk · Rating 4 out of 5]

DANCING WITH GHOSTS by Emily Gillespie 2017
(Reviewed by Ramona Kiyoshk)
February 25, 2017.

Emily Gillespie's first outing as a novelist meets all the items on the check-off list. She has a first-hand knowledge of the topic she has chosen to explore. She crashes through barriers and dogmas that seek to define and oppress today's women. Her targets are bullying, loneliness, abuse and their ensuing damage to physical, emotional and spiritual health. Her voice is vibrant and fearless, often brutal, as she challenges the system she claims overlooks the real needs of its charges, defining women instead by the drugs they are prescribed, demanding conformity instead of healing.

Gillespie's young female narrator, Patricia, comes from a suburban family where no one suffers from addictions or mental health issues, and everyone grows up normal and successful. Any un-Leave-It-to-Beaver issues are hushed up and discouraged, swept under the proverbial rug. The title, Dancing with Ghosts, refers to the people in Patricia's life who are separated from her by her depression and to an evasive boyfriend with a dark past.

Her parents are aloof and emotionally unavailable. In public school, Patricia is left on her own to deal with bullies, constant depression, and self-doubt. At college where she hopes to make a fresh start, she tries to access the school's counselling services, but is discouraged because they are not equipped to deal with anything beyond traumas like school shootings. Mental health issues, choice, abortion, and homosexuality are definitely not on this menu.

Hungry for acceptance and affection, Patricia stumbles into the arms of an older student who appears to be the perfect boyfriend. He is handsome, worldly and impresses her dorm mates. Derek makes her feel popular, smart, and beautiful. Soon she is experiencing a whirlwind of kinky, exciting sex. She becomes a willing partner to the whims of her gentle and affectionate tutor.

Gradually subtle changes that she chooses to overlook take place. Derek flirts openly with other women on their dates and soon resorts to insulting her and slapping her around at whim. His drinking becomes excessive and causes him to get violent. He forces Patricia into submissive sex, tying her up and beating her, and finally raping her without using protection. They don't officially break up and the sex and abuse continue.

When Patricia finally gets the strength to leave him, it is only the beginning of another battle with her ever-present depression, self-inflicted injuries, and isolation. She is finally carried off, dirty, starved and bloody, to a psyche ward, after being discovered in her room by a sympathetic dorm monitor.

Gillespie, from Welland, Ontario, is unswerving as she follows Patricia through a healthcare system that is designed to make you well only within its own prescribed perimeters. The writing is sure and vivid, and the characters authentic. The pain, ugliness and beauty of the human mind are the central actors in this, the writer's first novel.