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Countless
'Is there anything that's concerning you?’ Felicity says. ‘College, home, boyfriends?' Though she's more or less smiling at this last one.
I don't smile. Instead, I feel my face go hot. Silence stretches as wide as an ocean.
When I look up, Felicity has this expression on her face like she's just seen Elvis. Slowly, she leans forward and in a gentle voice I've never heard her use before she says, 'Have you done a pregnancy test?'
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it, if she takes it one day at a time …
Heartbreaking and hopeful by turns, Karen Gregory’s debut novel is a story of love, heartache and human resilience. And how the things that matter most can’t be counted. Perfect for fans of Lisa Williamson, Non Pratt and Sarah Crossan.
I don't smile. Instead, I feel my face go hot. Silence stretches as wide as an ocean.
When I look up, Felicity has this expression on her face like she's just seen Elvis. Slowly, she leans forward and in a gentle voice I've never heard her use before she says, 'Have you done a pregnancy test?'
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it, if she takes it one day at a time …
Heartbreaking and hopeful by turns, Karen Gregory’s debut novel is a story of love, heartache and human resilience. And how the things that matter most can’t be counted. Perfect for fans of Lisa Williamson, Non Pratt and Sarah Crossan.
384 pages, Paperback
First published May 4, 2017
46 people are currently reading
1944 people want to read
About the author
Karen Gregory
9 books85 followersKaren is the author of the YA novels Countless, Skylarks and I Hold Your Heart. She wrote her first story about Bantra the mouse at the age of twelve, then put away the word processor until her first child was born when she was overtaken by the urge to write. Karen lives in Wiltshire with her family and is represented by Claire Wilson at Rogers, Coleridge & White.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 226 reviews
April 11, 2017
(I received a digital copy of this book for free. Thanks to Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (UK & ANZ) and NetGalley.)
This was a contemporary story about a girl with anorexia who discovered she was pregnant.
Hedda was really torn in this story, alternating between trying to care for her baby and trying to listen to what ‘Nia’ (her name for her eating disorder) wanted her to do, and I could easily see why she was in such a terrible situation.
The storyline in this was about Hedda finding out that she was pregnant, and trying to keep eating until her due date. She struggled with the decision of what to do with her baby once it arrived, and in fact most of the book was about what happened to Hedda after she had the baby, and the financial struggles as well as her struggles with her eating disorder. The story felt very real though, and it was sad to think of Hedda and the situation that she was stuck in, especially as she seemed to have little support from her family.
The ending to this was hopeful, and I felt like it was also a realistic ending.
6.5 out of 10
“So this is the deal I’m making: Nia and I call a truce. When the baby is safely here and I’ve found it some proper parents, then Nia can have me back. All I have to do is eat for seventeen weeks and then everything will be like it was before.”
This was a contemporary story about a girl with anorexia who discovered she was pregnant.
Hedda was really torn in this story, alternating between trying to care for her baby and trying to listen to what ‘Nia’ (her name for her eating disorder) wanted her to do, and I could easily see why she was in such a terrible situation.
The storyline in this was about Hedda finding out that she was pregnant, and trying to keep eating until her due date. She struggled with the decision of what to do with her baby once it arrived, and in fact most of the book was about what happened to Hedda after she had the baby, and the financial struggles as well as her struggles with her eating disorder. The story felt very real though, and it was sad to think of Hedda and the situation that she was stuck in, especially as she seemed to have little support from her family.
The ending to this was hopeful, and I felt like it was also a realistic ending.
6.5 out of 10
August 3, 2017
"Oh I believe in something all right."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. The way a butterfly looks, it's symmetry. The smell of conkers. Cut grass. Snow. How much better the world would be without people in it."
Countless was a fantastic surprise!
I don't tend to lean towards YA contemporaries very much, but I find I nearly always enjoy them!
It focuses on teenager Hedda, who finds herself pregnant. On top of this she has been suffering with anorexia for years - the disease she personifies and refers to as 'Nia'.
What follows is a powerful portrayal of eating disorders, the hospital units and various other appointments that throw you right into the frightening lives of these young girls.
Hedda is such a strong main character, her ED has become so much a part of her, but when she becomes pregnant she is determined to put Nia on hold in order to have her baby.
Countless tackles some really tough issues, and at times is very real, scary and heartbreaking. But it is also uplifting, strengthening and powerful.
Highly recommend
"Like what?"
"I don't know. The way a butterfly looks, it's symmetry. The smell of conkers. Cut grass. Snow. How much better the world would be without people in it."
Countless was a fantastic surprise!
I don't tend to lean towards YA contemporaries very much, but I find I nearly always enjoy them!
It focuses on teenager Hedda, who finds herself pregnant. On top of this she has been suffering with anorexia for years - the disease she personifies and refers to as 'Nia'.
What follows is a powerful portrayal of eating disorders, the hospital units and various other appointments that throw you right into the frightening lives of these young girls.
Hedda is such a strong main character, her ED has become so much a part of her, but when she becomes pregnant she is determined to put Nia on hold in order to have her baby.
Countless tackles some really tough issues, and at times is very real, scary and heartbreaking. But it is also uplifting, strengthening and powerful.
Highly recommend
November 26, 2023
Ta ksiazka mnie w pewien sposob uratowala i jestem jej za to mega wdzieczna
Edit listopad 2023: tak, ta ksiazka jako jedyna w tym roku zasluguje na 5 gwiazdek
Edit listopad 2023: tak, ta ksiazka jako jedyna w tym roku zasluguje na 5 gwiazdek
February 22, 2017
This is a contemporary YA with a difference. There is little romance. There is no magic cure for the problems that arise. The protagonist is no special little snowflake.
This is a very real and very raw portrayal of a very real issue. It battles mental health, family dynamics, social stigmas and self-image in one poignant story. Nothing is romanticised or sugar-coated and Gregory, instead, simply delivers one of the most poignant and painful reads I have ever experienced. I am so thankful to this book for all it has taught me.
This is a very real and very raw portrayal of a very real issue. It battles mental health, family dynamics, social stigmas and self-image in one poignant story. Nothing is romanticised or sugar-coated and Gregory, instead, simply delivers one of the most poignant and painful reads I have ever experienced. I am so thankful to this book for all it has taught me.
December 19, 2017
5 Words: Family, love, compromise, friendship, hope.
That was heart breaking.
Totally heartbreaking.
I had expected Countless to be triggering to me. But actually, I loved reading Hedda's story. It wasn't until near the end that it started getting to me and by then I was so invested that I couldn't put it down. But I was OK.
Hedda is not special, she's not "not like other girls", she's not magically cured. This story was SO REAL and so relatable for me. There's no hand-holding or sugar-coating, no gently-gently approach. It's harsh and hard. I think Hedda's disconnection from Nia, her seeing her disorder as an almost separate entity, meant that I could actually read this story without getting too drawn in myself.
This isn't a fell good story, it won't fill your heart with joy and make you smile. It will tear your heart to shreds and leave you in a sobbing heap on the floor.
But it's absolutely worth it.
Edit 19/12/2017: I still cry when I think about this book.
That was heart breaking.
Totally heartbreaking.
I had expected Countless to be triggering to me. But actually, I loved reading Hedda's story. It wasn't until near the end that it started getting to me and by then I was so invested that I couldn't put it down. But I was OK.
Hedda is not special, she's not "not like other girls", she's not magically cured. This story was SO REAL and so relatable for me. There's no hand-holding or sugar-coating, no gently-gently approach. It's harsh and hard. I think Hedda's disconnection from Nia, her seeing her disorder as an almost separate entity, meant that I could actually read this story without getting too drawn in myself.
This isn't a fell good story, it won't fill your heart with joy and make you smile. It will tear your heart to shreds and leave you in a sobbing heap on the floor.
But it's absolutely worth it.
Edit 19/12/2017: I still cry when I think about this book.
June 12, 2017
This review was originally posted on Between My Lines
Countless by Karen Gregory hits a myriad of emotions, and caused me countless tears. The emotions jumped straight from the page to strike me where it hurt. In the heart, in the gut. All over. Because it's such a realistic portrait of an eating disorder, and I ached while reading it.
First Line of Countless by Karen Gregory
Thoughts on Countless by Karen Gregory
Hedda has countless problems. But she is a fan of numbers and lists, so I think she'd appreciate me counting the biggest issues facing her.
She is single, seventeen, and pregnant
23 weeks pregnant, so too late for an abortion, if that was something she even wanted to consider
She has anorexia
Her parents have thrown her out
Her best friend Molly died 20 weeks ago, from an eating disorder
She lives alone in a teeny, damp, dingy flat in a tower block
Her name is Hedda! Seriously, that's awful!
This book gives you a heartbreaking insight to the destructive cycle of Anorexia. Hedda has given control of her life to Nia (as she calls it). When she discovers she is pregnant, she vows to eat, for her baby's health.
There are no easy solutions in this book. It's far too realistic for that. No band-aid to cover the wound, and shield our eyes from the scabs underneath. Instead we see it all raw and messy. Her love for her baby doesn't magically fix everything. Hedda's new neighbour is a kind guy, but he can't cure her. Her parents love, then threats, then abandonment don't do the trick. I loved Hedda, even if at times she frustrated me. I wanted her to choose an easier road, but that wasn't on her map.
Something small that broke my heart was that she loved books, but wouldn't allow herself choose books she wanted at the library. Instead she grabbed books at random from the returns shelf without even checking the titles. Like I said, she does everything the hard way.
There is a spark of hope that runs through the book, and that helps balance the emotional intensity. Hedda's voice is just so lively, and honest that I spent the whole book willing her to succeed. And I appreciated how hard her counsellors worked with her, as it showed the support was there. But demonstrated just how difficult it is for them too to find the right words, at the right time.
The language in the book is perfect. For such a heavy subject, it is told in a very relatable way. With lists, and a vivid urban English setting, with flawed characters, a demon called Nia, and no hero swooping in. Yes, it's a tough read, with raw feels, but these is not a subject to be treated lightly.
The Bottom Line
A powerful, vivid, sad book that moved me so much. I loved Hedda, and her battle to regain control is one I won't forget in a hurry.
Who should read Countless by Karen Gregory
I'd highly recommend this to you if you like YA contemporary books that deal with serious issues like eating disorders and teenage pregnancy. Fans of authors such as Alice Oseman, Holly Bourne and Louise O'Neill should also enjoy.
Countless by Karen Gregory hits a myriad of emotions, and caused me countless tears. The emotions jumped straight from the page to strike me where it hurt. In the heart, in the gut. All over. Because it's such a realistic portrait of an eating disorder, and I ached while reading it.
First Line of Countless by Karen Gregory
"The cigarette between my fingers is thin, insubstantial."
Thoughts on Countless by Karen Gregory
Hedda has countless problems. But she is a fan of numbers and lists, so I think she'd appreciate me counting the biggest issues facing her.
She is single, seventeen, and pregnant
23 weeks pregnant, so too late for an abortion, if that was something she even wanted to consider
She has anorexia
Her parents have thrown her out
Her best friend Molly died 20 weeks ago, from an eating disorder
She lives alone in a teeny, damp, dingy flat in a tower block
Her name is Hedda! Seriously, that's awful!
This book gives you a heartbreaking insight to the destructive cycle of Anorexia. Hedda has given control of her life to Nia (as she calls it). When she discovers she is pregnant, she vows to eat, for her baby's health.
"I count out the weeks in my head, then the days, then the meals. Seventeen weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. I can do it, if I take them one at a time."
There are no easy solutions in this book. It's far too realistic for that. No band-aid to cover the wound, and shield our eyes from the scabs underneath. Instead we see it all raw and messy. Her love for her baby doesn't magically fix everything. Hedda's new neighbour is a kind guy, but he can't cure her. Her parents love, then threats, then abandonment don't do the trick. I loved Hedda, even if at times she frustrated me. I wanted her to choose an easier road, but that wasn't on her map.
Something small that broke my heart was that she loved books, but wouldn't allow herself choose books she wanted at the library. Instead she grabbed books at random from the returns shelf without even checking the titles. Like I said, she does everything the hard way.
There is a spark of hope that runs through the book, and that helps balance the emotional intensity. Hedda's voice is just so lively, and honest that I spent the whole book willing her to succeed. And I appreciated how hard her counsellors worked with her, as it showed the support was there. But demonstrated just how difficult it is for them too to find the right words, at the right time.
The language in the book is perfect. For such a heavy subject, it is told in a very relatable way. With lists, and a vivid urban English setting, with flawed characters, a demon called Nia, and no hero swooping in. Yes, it's a tough read, with raw feels, but these is not a subject to be treated lightly.
The Bottom Line
A powerful, vivid, sad book that moved me so much. I loved Hedda, and her battle to regain control is one I won't forget in a hurry.
Who should read Countless by Karen Gregory
I'd highly recommend this to you if you like YA contemporary books that deal with serious issues like eating disorders and teenage pregnancy. Fans of authors such as Alice Oseman, Holly Bourne and Louise O'Neill should also enjoy.
May 3, 2017
Warning: This book and review both talk about an eating disorder, please do not read on if this may trigger you in any way.
Wow. This book had a real hold on my heart and emotions from the very first pages and that grip only tightened as the story went on. I felt like I was with Hedda on her journey and so wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and take care of her.
From experiences on the unit, to counting calories, exercising and that voice in her head, Hedda’s anorexia, or Nia as she calls it, is life consuming, until she discovers that she is pregnant. When faced with this enormous life changing experience, Hedda is forced to confront her own feelings, fears and emotions. But what will her future be?
This book is so emotionally driven and it is such a raw read. I don’t have any personal experience with having an eating disorder and neither have I been a teenage mother and I found this book to be a real eye opener. It gave a really honest insight into being anorexic and how hard it is to fight your own demons. The way in which Nia was always there looking over Hedda’s shoulder, ready to pounce and spit out spiteful names at her was something that really got me because it was such a powerful way to show the world just how life consuming having an eating disorder is. There isn’t a moment in this book where Hedda’s mind isn’t somehow straying towards counting calories or comparing herself to others and it is frightening to say the least. I am thankful that I’ve read this book because I genuinely feel that I’ve learnt so much from it.
Teenage pregnancy is another topic which still seems to be somewhat taboo in the UK and that is tackled head on in this novel. There are many occasions where Hedda is receiving dirty looks or is made to feel uncomfortable and whilst we must also take on board that this will be because of her appearance too, there is something to be said for those who judge teenage mothers. At the young age of seventeen and completely isolated Hedda certainly does not have an easy time of it when Rose comes along. It was so heartwarming to read of Hedda’s journey with Rose and to see how that motherly love just blossomed over time into something so special and beautiful. Of course it is not plain sailing but Hedda’s love for Rose knows no bounds and the last few chapters and the epilogue of this book absolutely destroyed me. I think that sobbing would be an understatement.
This book is beautifully written and deals with such a raw and complex subject matter in a really authentic and meaningful way. This book is a very difficult read and I imagine that for someone with personal experience it may be too difficult. That is something that really needs to be considered on an individual basis. Personally I loved that this book didn’t have a fairytale ending. Hedda’s problems weren’t solved by a knight in shining armour and there wasn’t a happy ever after. What we ended up with was a heartbreaking story that felt real. It was worth every single tear that I shed.
Thank you, Karen Gregory, for putting Hedda’s story out there.
A big thank you to Netgalley, Bloomsbury and Karen Gregory for my advance copy in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Wow. This book had a real hold on my heart and emotions from the very first pages and that grip only tightened as the story went on. I felt like I was with Hedda on her journey and so wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and take care of her.
From experiences on the unit, to counting calories, exercising and that voice in her head, Hedda’s anorexia, or Nia as she calls it, is life consuming, until she discovers that she is pregnant. When faced with this enormous life changing experience, Hedda is forced to confront her own feelings, fears and emotions. But what will her future be?
This book is so emotionally driven and it is such a raw read. I don’t have any personal experience with having an eating disorder and neither have I been a teenage mother and I found this book to be a real eye opener. It gave a really honest insight into being anorexic and how hard it is to fight your own demons. The way in which Nia was always there looking over Hedda’s shoulder, ready to pounce and spit out spiteful names at her was something that really got me because it was such a powerful way to show the world just how life consuming having an eating disorder is. There isn’t a moment in this book where Hedda’s mind isn’t somehow straying towards counting calories or comparing herself to others and it is frightening to say the least. I am thankful that I’ve read this book because I genuinely feel that I’ve learnt so much from it.
Teenage pregnancy is another topic which still seems to be somewhat taboo in the UK and that is tackled head on in this novel. There are many occasions where Hedda is receiving dirty looks or is made to feel uncomfortable and whilst we must also take on board that this will be because of her appearance too, there is something to be said for those who judge teenage mothers. At the young age of seventeen and completely isolated Hedda certainly does not have an easy time of it when Rose comes along. It was so heartwarming to read of Hedda’s journey with Rose and to see how that motherly love just blossomed over time into something so special and beautiful. Of course it is not plain sailing but Hedda’s love for Rose knows no bounds and the last few chapters and the epilogue of this book absolutely destroyed me. I think that sobbing would be an understatement.
This book is beautifully written and deals with such a raw and complex subject matter in a really authentic and meaningful way. This book is a very difficult read and I imagine that for someone with personal experience it may be too difficult. That is something that really needs to be considered on an individual basis. Personally I loved that this book didn’t have a fairytale ending. Hedda’s problems weren’t solved by a knight in shining armour and there wasn’t a happy ever after. What we ended up with was a heartbreaking story that felt real. It was worth every single tear that I shed.
Thank you, Karen Gregory, for putting Hedda’s story out there.
A big thank you to Netgalley, Bloomsbury and Karen Gregory for my advance copy in exchange for a fair and honest review.
June 10, 2017
Initially, this was only going to be a 3 star read for me, but the intensity of the last 20% of the book bumped it up a bit. While this was a fast read, I took major bouts in between. Not because it was a bad book by any means (although I did find the beginning slow-paced & the some of the MC's actions repetitive), but because of the overall overwhelming feeling of it all. With that said, I'm putting a trigger warning for EDs, specifically anorexia.
Seventeen year old Hedda has found herself in an unwelcome position. Still very much in recovery of her ED, she hasn't yet discovered the tools required to help her heal. One day she discovers that she is pregnant- and at 23 weeks. While unsafe, she is told an abortion isn't out of the question & quite possibly the best thing she can do, given her situation. Finally deciding she will give the baby up for adoption, Hedda goes through with the pregnancy. Pressure is put on her to eat meals & she comes to a compromise with Nia (her ED name), that will allow her to eat for her baby's sake until she gives birth. Only, after she has Rose, she doesn't know where to go from here.
Torn between giving into Nia & self-destruction or fighting to survive for the one person who needs her the most, Hedda is forced to make some hard choices- & sacrifices. COUNTLESS is a new take on teen pregnancy, & a very needed one too. Shamefully, I'll admit I never gave much thought to what happens to teen mothers who are battling EDs, & this opened my eyes so much. Hedda is so strong & brave, but she's still a child herself & finally she realizes she cannot raise a child on her own. Not while she's still highly focused on dealing with her Nia demons. Eventually, outside resources are forced to step in & Hedda must decide what is best for Rose.
The cover includes the phrase "Love means holding tight. Love means letting go." And ultimately, that is what Hedda must do. The ending shattered my heart & the epilogue put it a little back together again. Love for others matters, but so does self-love. And if we aren't capable of that, how much can we really do for others anyways? A lot of uncomfortable, necessary emotions come into play here as Hedda's conversations with outside resources become more & more heated until a decision must be made. COUNTLESS is a strong debut novel, although I felt the beginning 1/3 was slow. I look forward to Gregory's future releases.
Seventeen year old Hedda has found herself in an unwelcome position. Still very much in recovery of her ED, she hasn't yet discovered the tools required to help her heal. One day she discovers that she is pregnant- and at 23 weeks. While unsafe, she is told an abortion isn't out of the question & quite possibly the best thing she can do, given her situation. Finally deciding she will give the baby up for adoption, Hedda goes through with the pregnancy. Pressure is put on her to eat meals & she comes to a compromise with Nia (her ED name), that will allow her to eat for her baby's sake until she gives birth. Only, after she has Rose, she doesn't know where to go from here.
Torn between giving into Nia & self-destruction or fighting to survive for the one person who needs her the most, Hedda is forced to make some hard choices- & sacrifices. COUNTLESS is a new take on teen pregnancy, & a very needed one too. Shamefully, I'll admit I never gave much thought to what happens to teen mothers who are battling EDs, & this opened my eyes so much. Hedda is so strong & brave, but she's still a child herself & finally she realizes she cannot raise a child on her own. Not while she's still highly focused on dealing with her Nia demons. Eventually, outside resources are forced to step in & Hedda must decide what is best for Rose.
The cover includes the phrase "Love means holding tight. Love means letting go." And ultimately, that is what Hedda must do. The ending shattered my heart & the epilogue put it a little back together again. Love for others matters, but so does self-love. And if we aren't capable of that, how much can we really do for others anyways? A lot of uncomfortable, necessary emotions come into play here as Hedda's conversations with outside resources become more & more heated until a decision must be made. COUNTLESS is a strong debut novel, although I felt the beginning 1/3 was slow. I look forward to Gregory's future releases.
August 15, 2020
I feel like I keep reading these books that are SO CLOSE to getting five stars from me but they don’t quite scrape it you know?!
For a book to get five stars from me I have to either a. love the characters b. love the plot or c. love both!
I feel like to 100% relate with the main character you’d have to understand what is she going through and sometimes I just didn’t. I found it very hard at first to understand why she was doing what she was doing to herself, but then I started understanding.
As soon as I understanding, the book got really good. I just felt like by the time I got into it there wasn’t enough there for me to read and enjoy which really sucked 😣
Overall a good read but some serious TW’s come with this book 🚫
For a book to get five stars from me I have to either a. love the characters b. love the plot or c. love both!
I feel like to 100% relate with the main character you’d have to understand what is she going through and sometimes I just didn’t. I found it very hard at first to understand why she was doing what she was doing to herself, but then I started understanding.
As soon as I understanding, the book got really good. I just felt like by the time I got into it there wasn’t enough there for me to read and enjoy which really sucked 😣
Overall a good read but some serious TW’s come with this book 🚫
April 25, 2017
It took me quite a while to read this book. Not because it was bad - far from it. It was just a very hard read but was about a subject that is very important to read and learn about. I had heard loads of hype about this book about five months ago and the hype lasted for about a week and then I didn't hear anything after that. Well, this is me bringing back the hype, because it's out next week and I think everyone should read this.
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it if she takes it one day at a time …
Our main character, Hedda, suffers from anorexia and has done since she was thirteen-years-old. Throughout this book, we witness her realise that she is pregnant, the pain and torture that she goes through to make sure her baby is okay whilst it is still inside of her, and we see the journey that she goes through once the baby is born.
This book was just an immense rollercoaster. Reading about anorexia is hard-hitting as it is, but reading about a girl with an eating disorder and pregnant just made me really nervous. I wanted Hedda to pull through for her own sake, but also for the baby's as well. Whenever she would ration her food or do extra exercise, I just wanted to yell at her that she has to look after her baby. I know that Nia was constantly whispering into Hedda's ear, and I know that voice is hard to get rid of but I just kept thinking about the baby.
I really did like the character of Hedda though. She knew what had to be done and even though she was slightly stubborn at first, she had amazing character development and recognised that she had a support system around her that would help her with anything.
The character that I really didn't like was Hedda's mom. She just angered me so much! Does she not realise the shit that Hedda has been going through since she was 13?! I know it's hard on the people around Hedda to witness what she's doing to herself, but that doesn't mean that the parents get to disown her and basically ignore her existence. Her mom was just the epitome of unsupportive and it really annoyed me how it was blatantly obvious that she preferred Hedda's baby over Hedda herself. I just thought she was absolutely horrible.
I also didn't really see the point of the character: Robin. Was he just there for some sort of love interest? I don't know. But yet again,
Overall, this was a brilliant book. Apart from the slow beginning and my confusion of the character of Robin, I think that this is such an important book to read. Reading about a character with an eating disorder is hard as it is, but when a person with an ED becomes pregnant - which means they put on weight - what do they do? It must be so bloody hard for them to come to grips with what is happening to them, and what they have to do. They must feel so scared. And that's why this book is important. Because it explores that and brings issues to the surface.
Disclaimer: this book was sent to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review
Released 4th May
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it if she takes it one day at a time …
Our main character, Hedda, suffers from anorexia and has done since she was thirteen-years-old. Throughout this book, we witness her realise that she is pregnant, the pain and torture that she goes through to make sure her baby is okay whilst it is still inside of her, and we see the journey that she goes through once the baby is born.
This book was just an immense rollercoaster. Reading about anorexia is hard-hitting as it is, but reading about a girl with an eating disorder and pregnant just made me really nervous. I wanted Hedda to pull through for her own sake, but also for the baby's as well. Whenever she would ration her food or do extra exercise, I just wanted to yell at her that she has to look after her baby. I know that Nia was constantly whispering into Hedda's ear, and I know that voice is hard to get rid of but I just kept thinking about the baby.
I really did like the character of Hedda though. She knew what had to be done and even though she was slightly stubborn at first, she had amazing character development and recognised that she had a support system around her that would help her with anything.
"Most of the time, what I'm sure of is that people will let you down so it;s best to give them a push in that direction sooner rather than later. People are pretty predictable."
- Karen Gregory, Countless
The character that I really didn't like was Hedda's mom. She just angered me so much! Does she not realise the shit that Hedda has been going through since she was 13?! I know it's hard on the people around Hedda to witness what she's doing to herself, but that doesn't mean that the parents get to disown her and basically ignore her existence. Her mom was just the epitome of unsupportive and it really annoyed me how it was blatantly obvious that she preferred Hedda's baby over Hedda herself. I just thought she was absolutely horrible.
I also didn't really see the point of the character: Robin. Was he just there for some sort of love interest? I don't know. But yet again,
Overall, this was a brilliant book. Apart from the slow beginning and my confusion of the character of Robin, I think that this is such an important book to read. Reading about a character with an eating disorder is hard as it is, but when a person with an ED becomes pregnant - which means they put on weight - what do they do? It must be so bloody hard for them to come to grips with what is happening to them, and what they have to do. They must feel so scared. And that's why this book is important. Because it explores that and brings issues to the surface.
Disclaimer: this book was sent to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review
Released 4th May
July 28, 2017
4.5 Stars
At seventeen years of age, Hedda is anorexic and living alone in a small, damp apartment with threadbare flooring, without a pension and without parental support. After a one night stand, now discovers she's pregnant. Hedda has spent her teen years unable to maintain control over her body image, resulting in an eating disorder that has consumed Hedda whilst devastating her family. Living within the treatment centre, the predominantly female adolescent residents have attended counselling and while in eagerness to remain thin, become competitive. Then Hedda is released as an out patient.
Hedda is unwell, still unable to come to terms with the disorder but discovering she's expecting a child may have saved her life. At twenty weeks pregnant, abortion isn't an option for Hedda who is considering placing the baby up for adoption, believing she is unable to take responsibility for the new life that will depend on Hedda to remain well. Forcing herself to consume was incredibly confronting. Hedda's narration also explores mental illness although Hedda is never officially diagnosed. She refers to her eating disorder as Nia, allowing her anorexia to consume her as a perpetual and influential presence. Hedda continues to count calories, only allowing herself to consume to maintain the health of her unborn child.
Throughout her pregnancy, Hedda continues counselling as a component of her release. Her relationship with her parents is constrained and while Hedda's father is compassionate, her mother is an authoritarian woman who sees Hedda as a noxious presence, advocating for her accomplished daughter while Hedda is deprived of support. Her derelict apartment is unbefitting for a young mother and child but Hedda's mother is unwilling to allow her daughter to return home.
Robin provides tremendous encouragement to Hedda throughout her pregnancy, nutrition and companionship and considering the confronting nature of Hedda's illness, I appreciated the amicable friendship. Hedda's assistance consists of counsellors who attempt to guide her throughout her recovery and children's welfare, who seemingly cared more for the adoption of her unborn child rather than Hedda's well being and fragility.
Author Karen Gregory mentions that Countless is a work of fiction but had referenced her own journey within the acknowledgements and should be applauded for a brave and exceptional debut novel. Confronting, captivating and compulsory reading.
At seventeen years of age, Hedda is anorexic and living alone in a small, damp apartment with threadbare flooring, without a pension and without parental support. After a one night stand, now discovers she's pregnant. Hedda has spent her teen years unable to maintain control over her body image, resulting in an eating disorder that has consumed Hedda whilst devastating her family. Living within the treatment centre, the predominantly female adolescent residents have attended counselling and while in eagerness to remain thin, become competitive. Then Hedda is released as an out patient.
Hedda is unwell, still unable to come to terms with the disorder but discovering she's expecting a child may have saved her life. At twenty weeks pregnant, abortion isn't an option for Hedda who is considering placing the baby up for adoption, believing she is unable to take responsibility for the new life that will depend on Hedda to remain well. Forcing herself to consume was incredibly confronting. Hedda's narration also explores mental illness although Hedda is never officially diagnosed. She refers to her eating disorder as Nia, allowing her anorexia to consume her as a perpetual and influential presence. Hedda continues to count calories, only allowing herself to consume to maintain the health of her unborn child.
Throughout her pregnancy, Hedda continues counselling as a component of her release. Her relationship with her parents is constrained and while Hedda's father is compassionate, her mother is an authoritarian woman who sees Hedda as a noxious presence, advocating for her accomplished daughter while Hedda is deprived of support. Her derelict apartment is unbefitting for a young mother and child but Hedda's mother is unwilling to allow her daughter to return home.
Robin provides tremendous encouragement to Hedda throughout her pregnancy, nutrition and companionship and considering the confronting nature of Hedda's illness, I appreciated the amicable friendship. Hedda's assistance consists of counsellors who attempt to guide her throughout her recovery and children's welfare, who seemingly cared more for the adoption of her unborn child rather than Hedda's well being and fragility.
Author Karen Gregory mentions that Countless is a work of fiction but had referenced her own journey within the acknowledgements and should be applauded for a brave and exceptional debut novel. Confronting, captivating and compulsory reading.
February 24, 2017
I feel like the main character wasn't anything more than her eating disorder, so that was disappointing...but I enjoyed the beginning!
February 18, 2017
I received this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
This is painful and beautiful and heartbreaking and real and oh so beautiful.
I loved Hedda, I found her to be completely relateable and realistic. I loved how determined she was to get through her pregnancy without damaging her baby due to her illness and was so happy that she managed it. I also loved her attitude after Rose was born, she so wanted to be a perfect mum and my heart broke for her when she struggled.
Her relationship with her parents and sister was done very well too. There was a lot of pain and serious problems between them which were not magically fixed by a baby but they did work on their relationships and I think it was done very impressively. There was no quick fix, there were a lot of arguments and disagreeing on all sorts of issues.
I also think that this is one of the best representations of any mental illness I have ever read. Hedda is anorexic and shows very clear signs of depression too. This was handled beautifully by the author. I think it would have been really easy to make mistakes around this kind of illness, but I feel that it was portrayed accurately and sensitively. Felicity, Joanna and Mary were all brilliant characters who helped bring the issues surrounding Hedda's illness to life.
To be honest, I wasn't really fussed about Robin, I thought he was nice enough but never found myself shipping him and Hedda. He seemed like a decent person though, clearly wanted her to get better and was willing to put a lot of effort into helping her. I have no issue with him and I think other people will be really interested in his part in this story but for me, this book was about Hedda and Rose and they were all I really cared about.
Despite the incredibly sad nature of this book, I felt hopeful all the way through. I believed that Hedda could defeat her demons. No spoilers here but I do think what happened at the end was heartbreakingly realistic and perfectly done. The epilogue provided a perfect ending to a wonderful, wonderful book that I will be buying a physical copy of when it comes out.
This last bit is just a minor rant about a tiny, tiny part of the book that didn't bother me anywhere near enough to dock a star but did genuinely frustrate me
There's one small, maybe a bit petty thing that bothered me in this book. Robin has a job at Aldi (a supermarket) where he complains about his wages and considers taking up a zero hour contract as a carer to get more money. Aldi wages are actually very good- they start at £9.40 an hour and people are on full time permanent contracts. Giving that up for minimum wage (£5.55 for a 19 year old) and no guaranteed hours was just stupid and I think that's a case of lack of research from the author.
As someone who has been in genuinely low paid jobs - I was an apprentice when I started working with children and was paid £2.65 an hour whilst I became qualified and now work for virtually minimum wage I find this incredibly frustrating and can't not mention it.
This is painful and beautiful and heartbreaking and real and oh so beautiful.
I loved Hedda, I found her to be completely relateable and realistic. I loved how determined she was to get through her pregnancy without damaging her baby due to her illness and was so happy that she managed it. I also loved her attitude after Rose was born, she so wanted to be a perfect mum and my heart broke for her when she struggled.
Her relationship with her parents and sister was done very well too. There was a lot of pain and serious problems between them which were not magically fixed by a baby but they did work on their relationships and I think it was done very impressively. There was no quick fix, there were a lot of arguments and disagreeing on all sorts of issues.
I also think that this is one of the best representations of any mental illness I have ever read. Hedda is anorexic and shows very clear signs of depression too. This was handled beautifully by the author. I think it would have been really easy to make mistakes around this kind of illness, but I feel that it was portrayed accurately and sensitively. Felicity, Joanna and Mary were all brilliant characters who helped bring the issues surrounding Hedda's illness to life.
To be honest, I wasn't really fussed about Robin, I thought he was nice enough but never found myself shipping him and Hedda. He seemed like a decent person though, clearly wanted her to get better and was willing to put a lot of effort into helping her. I have no issue with him and I think other people will be really interested in his part in this story but for me, this book was about Hedda and Rose and they were all I really cared about.
Despite the incredibly sad nature of this book, I felt hopeful all the way through. I believed that Hedda could defeat her demons. No spoilers here but I do think what happened at the end was heartbreakingly realistic and perfectly done. The epilogue provided a perfect ending to a wonderful, wonderful book that I will be buying a physical copy of when it comes out.
This last bit is just a minor rant about a tiny, tiny part of the book that didn't bother me anywhere near enough to dock a star but did genuinely frustrate me
There's one small, maybe a bit petty thing that bothered me in this book. Robin has a job at Aldi (a supermarket) where he complains about his wages and considers taking up a zero hour contract as a carer to get more money. Aldi wages are actually very good- they start at £9.40 an hour and people are on full time permanent contracts. Giving that up for minimum wage (£5.55 for a 19 year old) and no guaranteed hours was just stupid and I think that's a case of lack of research from the author.
As someone who has been in genuinely low paid jobs - I was an apprentice when I started working with children and was paid £2.65 an hour whilst I became qualified and now work for virtually minimum wage I find this incredibly frustrating and can't not mention it.
February 18, 2019
I loved this book because it was so honest and raw. You really got attached to Hedda and I personally really cared for her. It’s a beautiful story of love and one you don’t often find because normally stories about love are romances. I would give it a 4.5 and recommend it to anyone who loves a deep and raw book which includes difficult real life issues.
November 25, 2022
Jako osoba która nigdy nie miała zaburzeń odżywiania bardzo dobrze mi się czytało, czasem mnie triggerowała, ale naprawdę polecam przeczytać, nie mam bardzo rozbudowanej opinii, po prostu dobra książka
December 18, 2023
Brakuje mi słów jak bardzo odczułam tą książkę… każda łza przelana przez jej treść była lżą zrozumienia i utożsamienia z główną bohaterką 💔
July 8, 2017
i learnt so much from this book and am super glad i picked it up. it's got such a unique premise, however it is one that is very important. i was super affected by the characters, and especially could not stop bawling towards the end. i think some things were a little rushed in the conclusion but the main storyline that occurred was so vital to have every bit included that i understand why the end was so quick.
January 16, 2018
My second book of #MHBookBingo is complete! :D This story was very interesting and difficult and emotional but I really enjoyed it. I don't have experience of an ED myself so I can't comment exact on what the rep is like but from what I know experience of friends etc I think this dealt with it very well, I'm pretty sure it's ownvoices too which is always good. I'll hopefully get a proper review up soon but this was really good!
April 12, 2017
(I received a copy from Netgalley, In exchange for an honest review.)
Hedda was in a really difficult situation in this, and I really sympathized with her.
There were parts in this that dragged slightly for me, but it wasn't too bad thankfully.
Overall, An okay read.
Hedda was in a really difficult situation in this, and I really sympathized with her.
There were parts in this that dragged slightly for me, but it wasn't too bad thankfully.
Overall, An okay read.
April 29, 2017
Countless and I had a rollercoaster of a ride, but I'm happy I queued up and waited my turn. A lot of my worries with the book were solved when I learned that the author herself had suffered from an ED, and as I have not, I took this book as educational.
FIRSTLY, can I just say how thankful I am that this is a good book set in England? I loooove finding books that go into detail about the outside world, and when that world is ENGLAND which I understand, it's like a lovely little treat - Alice Oseman's Solitaire was rife with British humour and the most accurate descriptions of Sixth Form I've ever read.
In the beginning of the novel, it was extremely difficult to get through, because of the sheer weight of the topic and how Gregory was not beating around the bush. It took me a while to learn, and I'm no expert, but I think I understand what "romanticisation" is now and this isn't it. I previously loved Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and thought I understood ED's to a certain extent, but with her poetic prose and a character that we never really see choosing to get better, was that romanticism? Certainly, Anderson's was much easier to get through and perhaps even enjoyable at time - I revelled in her lesson in writing and perhaps it overshadowed the topic a little bit... that is what I now understand to be a form of romanticism - please discuss with me if you disagree!
Besides the story line, it was quite predictable in some places - especially in relation to the kind of/ maybe/ almost love interest - Robin. Robin was lovely, a "brown" young man who helped Hedda & baby as much as he could - but was just escaping his own problems. I truly endorse his ending, I'm glad he stopped running and I think in a small way he inspired Hedda, but there was a big emphasis in this book on that it was Hedda who could make the decision, nobody else, and I think that's an incredibly important fact.
"Being well needs to be about you too, about loving your self, if it's going to be sustainable."
However, the characters were gripping. Compared to everyone else, I think Hedda was the most plain of all - and as a pregnant anorexic girl, everyone else must be pretty damn interesting. It was heartbreaking but important that she was on her own, with only the memory of Molly - her best friend who had a heart attack and died right in front of her. Sometimes I wonder if Molly was more of Hedda in Hedda's memory than she knows, she was the strength in her soul given a name - like the disease she named "Nia." Laurel got to me more than Molly, though. I'm not sure what the purpose of Laurel was, apart from to show Hedda (and the reader) her undeniable future if she carried on. She wasn't a friend to Hedda, who made it clear that aside from Molly (and perhaps even then) everyone was competition, not a friend. But Laurel broke my damn heart. She made me cry. She was so deep on "Planet Anorexia" that even though she tired from holding a baby in her arms, she insisted on walking instead of getting the bus - a "sudden burst of energy as she gets into a rhythm" of walking.
I love how there is no black and white in this book, there's no definitive moment where Hedda decides enough is enough - she drops her baby and still carries on... not believing she's a good mother, but selfishly acknowledging she needs baby Rose because she can't support herself before coming to the conclusion that Rose needs help too. Gregory introduces these themes and ideas, the concept of a "tipping point" and Molly's advice of not to "fly so high you can't get back," but then Hedda dismisses these one way or another, believing it is too late for her every time and the reader all the while simultaneously hating her situation and sympathising with her. I think it's very important for myself to acknowledge that throughout this book, it taught me truly that Eating Disorders are diseases - they're not a choice. Although Hedda made many "choices," throughout the novel they were always tainted by Nia, and although it was haunting to have that presence there that you despised - Hedda hated her too, hated her for the comfort she provided in something so morbid as killing herself.
By the end of the book, the reader realises they have been rooting for Hedda all this time. Not because she has a baby, or because her mum never provided her with the support she needed, and not plainly because of the fate of Laurel. Although I've never been pregnant and I don't suffer with any ED, Gregory paints Hedda so that you can relate to her in some far off way - I imagine that having a baby would effect me in the same way; there was no fundamental "I must change immediately for this child," as Hedda is still a child herself, but she does learn to grow up & really understands her illness before deciding to get treatment, really deciding this time.
// Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book for exchange of an honest review //
FIRSTLY, can I just say how thankful I am that this is a good book set in England? I loooove finding books that go into detail about the outside world, and when that world is ENGLAND which I understand, it's like a lovely little treat - Alice Oseman's Solitaire was rife with British humour and the most accurate descriptions of Sixth Form I've ever read.
In the beginning of the novel, it was extremely difficult to get through, because of the sheer weight of the topic and how Gregory was not beating around the bush. It took me a while to learn, and I'm no expert, but I think I understand what "romanticisation" is now and this isn't it. I previously loved Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and thought I understood ED's to a certain extent, but with her poetic prose and a character that we never really see choosing to get better, was that romanticism? Certainly, Anderson's was much easier to get through and perhaps even enjoyable at time - I revelled in her lesson in writing and perhaps it overshadowed the topic a little bit... that is what I now understand to be a form of romanticism - please discuss with me if you disagree!
Besides the story line, it was quite predictable in some places - especially in relation to the kind of/ maybe/ almost love interest - Robin. Robin was lovely, a "brown" young man who helped Hedda & baby as much as he could - but was just escaping his own problems. I truly endorse his ending, I'm glad he stopped running and I think in a small way he inspired Hedda, but there was a big emphasis in this book on that it was Hedda who could make the decision, nobody else, and I think that's an incredibly important fact.
"Being well needs to be about you too, about loving your self, if it's going to be sustainable."
However, the characters were gripping. Compared to everyone else, I think Hedda was the most plain of all - and as a pregnant anorexic girl, everyone else must be pretty damn interesting. It was heartbreaking but important that she was on her own, with only the memory of Molly - her best friend who had a heart attack and died right in front of her. Sometimes I wonder if Molly was more of Hedda in Hedda's memory than she knows, she was the strength in her soul given a name - like the disease she named "Nia." Laurel got to me more than Molly, though. I'm not sure what the purpose of Laurel was, apart from to show Hedda (and the reader) her undeniable future if she carried on. She wasn't a friend to Hedda, who made it clear that aside from Molly (and perhaps even then) everyone was competition, not a friend. But Laurel broke my damn heart. She made me cry. She was so deep on "Planet Anorexia" that even though she tired from holding a baby in her arms, she insisted on walking instead of getting the bus - a "sudden burst of energy as she gets into a rhythm" of walking.
I love how there is no black and white in this book, there's no definitive moment where Hedda decides enough is enough - she drops her baby and still carries on... not believing she's a good mother, but selfishly acknowledging she needs baby Rose because she can't support herself before coming to the conclusion that Rose needs help too. Gregory introduces these themes and ideas, the concept of a "tipping point" and Molly's advice of not to "fly so high you can't get back," but then Hedda dismisses these one way or another, believing it is too late for her every time and the reader all the while simultaneously hating her situation and sympathising with her. I think it's very important for myself to acknowledge that throughout this book, it taught me truly that Eating Disorders are diseases - they're not a choice. Although Hedda made many "choices," throughout the novel they were always tainted by Nia, and although it was haunting to have that presence there that you despised - Hedda hated her too, hated her for the comfort she provided in something so morbid as killing herself.
By the end of the book, the reader realises they have been rooting for Hedda all this time. Not because she has a baby, or because her mum never provided her with the support she needed, and not plainly because of the fate of Laurel. Although I've never been pregnant and I don't suffer with any ED, Gregory paints Hedda so that you can relate to her in some far off way - I imagine that having a baby would effect me in the same way; there was no fundamental "I must change immediately for this child," as Hedda is still a child herself, but she does learn to grow up & really understands her illness before deciding to get treatment, really deciding this time.
// Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book for exchange of an honest review //
February 14, 2017
Received from NetGalley for review.
Countless is a heart-breaking story; it ripped my heart out and didn’t entirely put it back. It tells the story of a very troubled girl, seventeen-year-old Hedda, who has been in and out of hospital most of her life for anorexia and now finds herself pregnant. I imagine it’s hard enough being pregnant without being so young, living in a grubby flat because your parents don’t want your ‘corrupting influence’ on your younger sister, and being in the throes of a mental illness that doesn’t want to let go. It’s not a pleasant story but it is an important one that doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of mental illness and teen pregnancy.
I felt so deeply for Hedda – she’s young, angry at the world, defensive, and missing her best friend, all whilst dealing with mental illness and pregnancy. She finds out she’s pregnant (nearly five months) following a one night stand and decides to follow through with the pregnancy, intending to have the baby adopted. She makes a deal with anorexia, which she personifies as ‘Nia’, to eat just enough until the baby has been born and then continue as she was. She has so much to deal with but I found it admirable that she tried to put aside her issues to nourish her baby – it’s not all sunshine and daisies but she really tries, and it reminded me that there’s always something more to a person than we can see and to not judge so fast.
The book really shows the horrible way eating disorders can work – you know it’s causing problems, and you try to pull yourself out of it, but it’s your normal, it’s your control, and there’s a comfort in that, even if it’s not healthy. Anorexia is Hedda’s normal, something she’s dealt with most of her life, and even though it’s damaged her relationship with her family, her body, and her education, it’s something that’s always been there with her. Through the narrative we get insights into her time on the wards and what she thought was ‘good’ and ‘bad’ about it – Hedda slowly realises that there were aspects of life of life on the unit that she enjoyed and missed, and gradually realises things about her battle with anorexia that she had always refused to see.
Although I found this book overwhelmingly sad, there is hope – I won’t go into too much detail but the ending does give a glimmer of hope, which is much needed after the heart wrenching events of the novel. Some might find this book too much – too much sadness and hardship – but that is reality; life is hard and mental illness is harder, and a seventeen-year-old who is suffering from anorexia and pregnant is not going to have an overwhelmingly happy story. I personally found it to be incredibly realistic and honest (something that was reinforced in the Author’s Note at the end), and I was glad that it didn’t end with a ‘happily ever after’ scenario, as those generally do only belong in fairy tales.
Countless is a heart-breaking story; it ripped my heart out and didn’t entirely put it back. It tells the story of a very troubled girl, seventeen-year-old Hedda, who has been in and out of hospital most of her life for anorexia and now finds herself pregnant. I imagine it’s hard enough being pregnant without being so young, living in a grubby flat because your parents don’t want your ‘corrupting influence’ on your younger sister, and being in the throes of a mental illness that doesn’t want to let go. It’s not a pleasant story but it is an important one that doesn’t shy away from the harsh realities of mental illness and teen pregnancy.
I felt so deeply for Hedda – she’s young, angry at the world, defensive, and missing her best friend, all whilst dealing with mental illness and pregnancy. She finds out she’s pregnant (nearly five months) following a one night stand and decides to follow through with the pregnancy, intending to have the baby adopted. She makes a deal with anorexia, which she personifies as ‘Nia’, to eat just enough until the baby has been born and then continue as she was. She has so much to deal with but I found it admirable that she tried to put aside her issues to nourish her baby – it’s not all sunshine and daisies but she really tries, and it reminded me that there’s always something more to a person than we can see and to not judge so fast.
The book really shows the horrible way eating disorders can work – you know it’s causing problems, and you try to pull yourself out of it, but it’s your normal, it’s your control, and there’s a comfort in that, even if it’s not healthy. Anorexia is Hedda’s normal, something she’s dealt with most of her life, and even though it’s damaged her relationship with her family, her body, and her education, it’s something that’s always been there with her. Through the narrative we get insights into her time on the wards and what she thought was ‘good’ and ‘bad’ about it – Hedda slowly realises that there were aspects of life of life on the unit that she enjoyed and missed, and gradually realises things about her battle with anorexia that she had always refused to see.
Although I found this book overwhelmingly sad, there is hope – I won’t go into too much detail but the ending does give a glimmer of hope, which is much needed after the heart wrenching events of the novel. Some might find this book too much – too much sadness and hardship – but that is reality; life is hard and mental illness is harder, and a seventeen-year-old who is suffering from anorexia and pregnant is not going to have an overwhelmingly happy story. I personally found it to be incredibly realistic and honest (something that was reinforced in the Author’s Note at the end), and I was glad that it didn’t end with a ‘happily ever after’ scenario, as those generally do only belong in fairy tales.
May 7, 2023
Ciężka ale potrzebna książka. Przedstawia zaburzenia odżywiania a konkretniej anoreksję z perspektywy osoby chorującej. Ogromnie współczułam Heddzie, która w wieku 17 lat musiała zmierzyć się z tyloma problemami. Książka w miarę możliwości nie jest triggerująca, to znaczy nie mamy w niej podanej żadnej konkretnej wagi, wymiarów czy limitów kalorycznych co uważam, że jest bardzo dobre, ponieważ potencjalnie chory czytelnik nie ma jak w takich wartościach się porównywać i szukać wzorców. Nie była to najlepsza książka jaką przeczytałam ale napewno była jedną z tych, z których wyciągnęłam lekcje.
April 29, 2018
I am SOBBING. I knew there was a reason I didn't read this book in one sitting, because it would have DESTROYED me. I've been reading it so regularly, even if it was only a chapter at a time, and I don't know how I'm supposed to say goodbye to Hedda. I love her so much, it feels like I've gained a sister by reading this.
Full review coming in a couple of days, and it's going to be a gushing one.
EDIT 29/07/17:
First of all, I need to say a huge thank you to Bloomsbury Publishing, who accepted my request to view this title on NetGalley.
'Anorexia hurts. Starving yourself ain't pretty. When your weight gets low enough, everything aches, all the time. You get so cold, like your bones are pure winter. Your hair falls out and your skin dries into a million little cracks. You grow hair on your back. Your joints feel rusted. It gets so your brain is iced over. Even cushions are too hard to sit on, it hurts that much.'
Before Hedda's friend Molly died, she gave her a list. The list included all of the things that Molly wanted Hedda to do; all of the things she didn't have time to experience for herself. One of those included losing her virginity, so Hedda ticked that one off on the night of Molly's funeral.
Five months later, Hedda is astonished to discover she's pregnant. She wondered if her eating disorder, Nia, had done some serious damage to her internal organs, because her stomach was swollen. After having practically come to terms with the fact that she had cancer, a baby was the last thing she could have expected. Pregnancy shouldn't have even been possible at her weight.
Instantly, Hedda decides to have a termination. But on second thoughts, this baby is obviously a fighter, being able to survive with a lack of nutrients. She changes her mind, and decides to put the baby up for adoption instead. Her parents are unhappy - that's their grandchild, and they feel they deserve to know her - but Hedda's made her decision.
Until the baby comes four weeks early. The adoption has yet to be arranged, and the moment the baby is placed in Hedda's arms she knows she can't let her go. Hedda decides to keep Rose and move back in with her parents, but when that doesn't work out she has no choice but to go it alone.
Her neighbour, Robin, has been supportive throughout the pregnancy, and for the first couple of months of Rose's life he's at Hedda's beck and call. But Robin has a past, and it doesn't take long for it to come between them. With Hedda still fighting against Nia, will she be strong enough to vanquish her for Rose, or will she be joining Molly and leaving her daughter alone?
If there's one thing that it's important to say about this book, it's this.
'Countless' DOES NOT glamourise eating disorders.
I've never seen such a no holds barred approach to writing EDs, particularly in YA. Because we're in Hedda's mind we experience every dizzy spell, every wave of nausea, every ache and pain filling her bones. Molly's already died from her eating disorder, and Laurel, Hedda's other old friend from the unit, doesn't seem far off. Simply stated: eating disorders can be lethal. It's not a lifestyle choice, it's a choice between life or death.
None of the stereotypical ED tropes are used. There’s no miraculous recovery. Even when Hedda decides she wants to get past Nia and get her life back, it’s an uphill struggle which she almost doesn’t survive. There’s no boy to make her better: even though there’s almost a relationship, she doesn’t put her anorexia on the back burner just because Robin’s in the picture. In fact, the struggle of juggling their friendship with her eating disorder puts even more strain on her. Robin cooks for her, and every single mouthful is a fight. Not even Rose can save her. Hedda makes the decision to recover for herself, and the importance of that is stressed.
I’ve read so many YA books dealing with eating disorders that have used relationships to ‘fix’ their characters, and it’s unrealistic. Yes, that can occasionally happen, but the reality is that mental illness isn’t that simple to cure. I was so grateful that Karen decided to write a more authentic ED experience, and I hope that other authors take notes from her in the future.
‘Countless’ not only shows how Hedda’s impacted by her ED, it also shows how her family are affected. Instead of them being utterly oblivious, they knew exactly what was going on with her. Her mother worries that her sister, Tammy, is going to use Hedda as a role model. Her father withdraws into himself, eventually filing for a divorce when they discover he’s been having an affair for years.
I recommend this book extremely highly. As someone who struggled with disordered eating in the past, I always find it difficult to read it in novels. Oftentimes it brings all of the feelings flooding back to me, making me want to restrict my eating and start calorie counting once more. Karen Gregory is so careful not to do that. Looking back at other YA books that feature EDs, I can’t think of a single one that is this vigilant.
‘Countless’ is Karen Gregory’s debut novel, and I cannot wait to read more of her writing.
(This review was originally posted on Everything Alyce.)
Full review coming in a couple of days, and it's going to be a gushing one.
EDIT 29/07/17:
First of all, I need to say a huge thank you to Bloomsbury Publishing, who accepted my request to view this title on NetGalley.
'Anorexia hurts. Starving yourself ain't pretty. When your weight gets low enough, everything aches, all the time. You get so cold, like your bones are pure winter. Your hair falls out and your skin dries into a million little cracks. You grow hair on your back. Your joints feel rusted. It gets so your brain is iced over. Even cushions are too hard to sit on, it hurts that much.'
Before Hedda's friend Molly died, she gave her a list. The list included all of the things that Molly wanted Hedda to do; all of the things she didn't have time to experience for herself. One of those included losing her virginity, so Hedda ticked that one off on the night of Molly's funeral.
Five months later, Hedda is astonished to discover she's pregnant. She wondered if her eating disorder, Nia, had done some serious damage to her internal organs, because her stomach was swollen. After having practically come to terms with the fact that she had cancer, a baby was the last thing she could have expected. Pregnancy shouldn't have even been possible at her weight.
Instantly, Hedda decides to have a termination. But on second thoughts, this baby is obviously a fighter, being able to survive with a lack of nutrients. She changes her mind, and decides to put the baby up for adoption instead. Her parents are unhappy - that's their grandchild, and they feel they deserve to know her - but Hedda's made her decision.
Until the baby comes four weeks early. The adoption has yet to be arranged, and the moment the baby is placed in Hedda's arms she knows she can't let her go. Hedda decides to keep Rose and move back in with her parents, but when that doesn't work out she has no choice but to go it alone.
Her neighbour, Robin, has been supportive throughout the pregnancy, and for the first couple of months of Rose's life he's at Hedda's beck and call. But Robin has a past, and it doesn't take long for it to come between them. With Hedda still fighting against Nia, will she be strong enough to vanquish her for Rose, or will she be joining Molly and leaving her daughter alone?
If there's one thing that it's important to say about this book, it's this.
'Countless' DOES NOT glamourise eating disorders.
I've never seen such a no holds barred approach to writing EDs, particularly in YA. Because we're in Hedda's mind we experience every dizzy spell, every wave of nausea, every ache and pain filling her bones. Molly's already died from her eating disorder, and Laurel, Hedda's other old friend from the unit, doesn't seem far off. Simply stated: eating disorders can be lethal. It's not a lifestyle choice, it's a choice between life or death.
None of the stereotypical ED tropes are used. There’s no miraculous recovery. Even when Hedda decides she wants to get past Nia and get her life back, it’s an uphill struggle which she almost doesn’t survive. There’s no boy to make her better: even though there’s almost a relationship, she doesn’t put her anorexia on the back burner just because Robin’s in the picture. In fact, the struggle of juggling their friendship with her eating disorder puts even more strain on her. Robin cooks for her, and every single mouthful is a fight. Not even Rose can save her. Hedda makes the decision to recover for herself, and the importance of that is stressed.
I’ve read so many YA books dealing with eating disorders that have used relationships to ‘fix’ their characters, and it’s unrealistic. Yes, that can occasionally happen, but the reality is that mental illness isn’t that simple to cure. I was so grateful that Karen decided to write a more authentic ED experience, and I hope that other authors take notes from her in the future.
‘Countless’ not only shows how Hedda’s impacted by her ED, it also shows how her family are affected. Instead of them being utterly oblivious, they knew exactly what was going on with her. Her mother worries that her sister, Tammy, is going to use Hedda as a role model. Her father withdraws into himself, eventually filing for a divorce when they discover he’s been having an affair for years.
I recommend this book extremely highly. As someone who struggled with disordered eating in the past, I always find it difficult to read it in novels. Oftentimes it brings all of the feelings flooding back to me, making me want to restrict my eating and start calorie counting once more. Karen Gregory is so careful not to do that. Looking back at other YA books that feature EDs, I can’t think of a single one that is this vigilant.
‘Countless’ is Karen Gregory’s debut novel, and I cannot wait to read more of her writing.
(This review was originally posted on Everything Alyce.)
August 17, 2017
This was a really good book, I think it was a great storyline and it really hooked you in. The summery: a 17 year old girl fighting anorexia falls pregnant, she's deciding weather or not to keep the baby or even have it (I won't say what she decides because that's a spoiler), but the rest of the book is how she deals with the pregnancy and her eating disorder
May 10, 2022
3,8✨
Myślałam dosyć dużo o tej książce i niesamowicie przejmowałam się losami bohaterów
Myślałam dosyć dużo o tej książce i niesamowicie przejmowałam się losami bohaterów
June 4, 2022
3.5/5⭐️
Chciałam dać 4 gwiazdki, ale zakończenie mega zepsuło całokształt książki://
Chciałam dać 4 gwiazdki, ale zakończenie mega zepsuło całokształt książki://
June 22, 2020
Na rynku jest pełno książek o anorektyczkach, ale jeszcze nie spotkałam książki, gdzie taka bohaterka zachodzi w ciążę. Dlatego, jak tylko usłyszałam o tej pozycji, to wiedziałam, że muszę ją przeczytać.
Naprawdę mi się ona podobała. Fabuła była nietypowa, dzięki czemu dostaliśmy coś, co potrafiło nas zaskoczyć i było inne. Czasem trochę brakowało mi zagłębienia się bardziej w chorobę bohaterki. Fabuła bardziej skupia się na ciąży i relacjach aniżeli na anoreksji. Mimo to książka jest naprawdę świetna i warto ją przeczytać.
Naprawdę mi się ona podobała. Fabuła była nietypowa, dzięki czemu dostaliśmy coś, co potrafiło nas zaskoczyć i było inne. Czasem trochę brakowało mi zagłębienia się bardziej w chorobę bohaterki. Fabuła bardziej skupia się na ciąży i relacjach aniżeli na anoreksji. Mimo to książka jest naprawdę świetna i warto ją przeczytać.
June 25, 2019
I thought this was okay.
I really liked how the pregnancy & birth was depicted, it was extremely real & might've been the best I've ever read.
The depiction of an eating disorder, institutionalisation was also relatively okay. What I did not like not like was how the therapist & therapy was shown, the therapist almost seemed distant & that’s not how therapy is supposed to be.
I also felt like the author added unnecessary things to the story to make it more complex & I am not sure if that was really needed... for me, the extra elements took away focus from the main story which was about family support, anorexia & pregnancy, but there were other elements that I felt were added to spice up the story & the just left me sort of hanging.
I am also not sure if it is realistic to expect that Hedda was motivated to get over her condition because of her pregnancy, because in most cases, in mental illness, its not that simple. Love doesn't always find a way.
I really liked how the pregnancy & birth was depicted, it was extremely real & might've been the best I've ever read.
The depiction of an eating disorder, institutionalisation was also relatively okay. What I did not like not like was how the therapist & therapy was shown, the therapist almost seemed distant & that’s not how therapy is supposed to be.
I also felt like the author added unnecessary things to the story to make it more complex & I am not sure if that was really needed... for me, the extra elements took away focus from the main story which was about family support, anorexia & pregnancy, but there were other elements that I felt were added to spice up the story & the just left me sort of hanging.
I am also not sure if it is realistic to expect that Hedda was motivated to get over her condition because of her pregnancy, because in most cases, in mental illness, its not that simple. Love doesn't always find a way.
February 17, 2017
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for proving me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.
"Is there anything that's concerning you?’ Felicity says. ‘College, home, boyfriends?' Though she's more or less smiling at this last one.
I don't smile. Instead, I feel my face go hot. Silence stretches as wide as an ocean.
When I look up, Felicity has this expression on her face like she's just seen Elvis. Slowly, she leans forward and in a gentle voice I've never heard her use before she says, 'Have you done a pregnancy test?'
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it, if she takes it one day at a time …
Heartbreaking and hopeful by turns, Karen Gregory’s debut novel is a story of love, heartache and human resilience. And how the things that matter most can’t be counted. Perfect for fans of Lisa Williamson, Non Pratt and Sarah Crossan."
This isn't usually a type of book that I would enjoy, but this is the best representation of an eating disorder, in fiction, I have ever read (and I have read a lot). As someone who has grown up struggling with anorexia and has been in and out of hospital, I really related to Hedda. Gregory writes with such delicacy about a horrible illness and does so without being triggering. Too many books of this nature fall into the trap of focusing on numbers, calories and weight which is only a small part of the illness so this was really refreshing to find it was a no number zone.
Thank you to Gregory for writing such an accurate and emotional book. Bravo.
"Is there anything that's concerning you?’ Felicity says. ‘College, home, boyfriends?' Though she's more or less smiling at this last one.
I don't smile. Instead, I feel my face go hot. Silence stretches as wide as an ocean.
When I look up, Felicity has this expression on her face like she's just seen Elvis. Slowly, she leans forward and in a gentle voice I've never heard her use before she says, 'Have you done a pregnancy test?'
When Hedda discovers she is pregnant, she doesn’t believe she could ever look after a baby. The numbers just don’t add up. She is young, and still in the grip of an eating disorder that controls every aspect of how she goes about her daily life. She’s even given her eating disorder a name – Nia. But as the days tick by, Hedda comes to a decision: she and Nia will call a truce, just until the baby is born. 17 weeks, 119 days, 357 meals. She can do it, if she takes it one day at a time …
Heartbreaking and hopeful by turns, Karen Gregory’s debut novel is a story of love, heartache and human resilience. And how the things that matter most can’t be counted. Perfect for fans of Lisa Williamson, Non Pratt and Sarah Crossan."
This isn't usually a type of book that I would enjoy, but this is the best representation of an eating disorder, in fiction, I have ever read (and I have read a lot). As someone who has grown up struggling with anorexia and has been in and out of hospital, I really related to Hedda. Gregory writes with such delicacy about a horrible illness and does so without being triggering. Too many books of this nature fall into the trap of focusing on numbers, calories and weight which is only a small part of the illness so this was really refreshing to find it was a no number zone.
Thank you to Gregory for writing such an accurate and emotional book. Bravo.
February 27, 2018
I haven’t read a lot of books dealing with eating disorders and teen pregnancy. So I was looking forward to reading this.
I wasn’t really expecting much when I picked this up but after reading a couple of chapters I didn’t want to put the book down. I couldn’t relate to Hedda, I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I really felt for her and what she was going through.
I didn’t really know what to think of Hedda’s mother. There were some things she said and did that frustrated me so much. I know their family had been through a lot with Hedda but still… She seemed really judgemental at times. And then the way she was with Hedda and the baby. It was so obvious that she preferred the baby over Hedda. It’s like she didn’t care what Hedda had been going through since she was thirteen. Only how it affected her and the rest of the family. Especially Hedda’s younger sister.
I know eating disorders aren’t easy to overcome and they’re a mental illness, not just something someone can overcome easily. Reading about Hedda’s struggles with food and how she saw herself was really eye-opening. Also reading how she struggled to eat which pregnant even though she knew the baby needed it, that was hard.
I did like Hedda. To be honest I thought the story could have done without Robin. I get that he helped her but he wasn’t good for her or the story in my opinion.
I enjoyed Countless. I’ve never read anything like Hedda’s story before. I hope more people will pick up a copy of this.
I wasn’t really expecting much when I picked this up but after reading a couple of chapters I didn’t want to put the book down. I couldn’t relate to Hedda, I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I really felt for her and what she was going through.
I didn’t really know what to think of Hedda’s mother. There were some things she said and did that frustrated me so much. I know their family had been through a lot with Hedda but still… She seemed really judgemental at times. And then the way she was with Hedda and the baby. It was so obvious that she preferred the baby over Hedda. It’s like she didn’t care what Hedda had been going through since she was thirteen. Only how it affected her and the rest of the family. Especially Hedda’s younger sister.
I know eating disorders aren’t easy to overcome and they’re a mental illness, not just something someone can overcome easily. Reading about Hedda’s struggles with food and how she saw herself was really eye-opening. Also reading how she struggled to eat which pregnant even though she knew the baby needed it, that was hard.
I did like Hedda. To be honest I thought the story could have done without Robin. I get that he helped her but he wasn’t good for her or the story in my opinion.
I enjoyed Countless. I’ve never read anything like Hedda’s story before. I hope more people will pick up a copy of this.
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