If Only

by Jennifer Gilmore

Acclaimed author Jennifer Gilmore’s intimate and achingly beautiful novel deftly explores the role that chance and choice play in shaping the lives of two teenagers who are separated by sixteen years, but whose lives are intertwined.

*Two Starred Reviews!*

"This emotional, visceral novel haunted me in the best ways. Jennifer Gilmore has written something of real depth, which will leave readers thinking for a long time about the lives that other people lead, as well as the ones they might have led. If Only is gripping and shiveringly beautiful; a true achievement.”—Meg Wolitzer, bestselling author of The Interestings and Belzhar



When Bridget imagined her life at sixteen, it didn’t look like this. She didn’t think that her boyfriend would dump her for another girl. And she certainly didn’t think that she would be pregnant.

With just a few months until she gives birth, Bridget must envision an entirely new future—one for her baby. But as she sifts through the many paths and the many people who want to parent her child, she can’t help but feel that there is no right decision.

Ivy doesn’t know much about her birth mother. She knows that she is now the same age Bridget was when she placed Ivy for adoption. She knows that Bridget was the one who named her. And she knows that fifteen years ago Bridget disappeared from Ivy’s and her adoptive moms’ lives.

Ivy wants to discover more about herself, but as she goes to find Bridget, she can’t help but feel that the risks might far outweigh the benefits of knowing where she comes from and why her birth mother chose to walk away.



“Gilmore brings special yet subtle artistry to her interwoven story, weaving motifs and even seemingly extraneous people through the different iterations to keep each version connected with the others.”—BCCB (starred review)

“Gilmore’s gritty multigenerational tale not only seeks to ask adoption’s toughest questions, but dares to offer no easy Not to be missed.”—Kirkus (starred review)

“Gilmore’s writing is emotionally raw yet beautiful, touching upon some traditional Y.A. themes…with an almost mystical feel.”—New York Times Book Review

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Adoption, Young Adult Contemporary, Queer

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 31, 2018

About the author

Jennifer Gilmore's second novel for teens, If Only, was published by Harper Teen in July 2018. She is also the author the YA novel, We Were Never Here, and the adult novels, The Mothers, which is currently being adapted for film, Something Red and Golden Country, a New York Times Notable Book, a finalist for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize, the National Jewish Book Award.

Her work has appeared in magazines and journals including The Atlantic, Bomb, BookForum, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, the New York Times Book Review, Real Simple, Salon, Tin House, Vogue and the Washington Post.

She has been a MacDowell Colony fellow and has taught writing and literature at Barnard College, Cornell University, Fordham University, Harvard University, the New School, New York University, and Princeton University.

Stop in and visit her facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jennife...

Reviews

[- ̗̀ DANY ̖́- (danyreads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

. : ☾⋆ — 3 ★

READ THIS REVIEW ON MY BLOG!!!
https://bit.ly/2L6bMcA

ARC provided from the publisher via Edelweiss+ in exchange for an honest review (thank you HarperCollins!!)

If Only follows Bridget first, and then Ivy, two sixteen-year-old girls with two very similar paths but drastically different stories. circa october 2000, Bridget is pregnant and her best course of action is adoption. sixteen years later, in 2017, we meet Ivy, who has lead a charmed life so far. she has two loving mothers, a wonderful best friend, and an amazing boyfriend. but there’s always been something that Ivy’s been missing in her life: her birth mom. following Bridget’s story, Ivy makes it her mission to find out what became of her birth mother, and what would’ve been of all the ‘if only’s, had Bridget done things differently.

i really liked this book, but then i also didn’t. the plot is different, and i really did love some parts of this book (any scene with Ivy’s moms in it was an absolute highlight for me), but then again there were also a lot of things i genuinely didn’t like about If Only.

the writing style was really odd, for one. the interactions between the characters didn’t flow naturally, it felt almost like Jennifer Gilmore was trying to push the words out of these characters’ mouths, with only a small degree of success. there were some pieces of dialogue that just read like plain nonsense, which made the book a little tough to get through since you spend the majority of the time trying to make out what these characters are trying to say. i wouldn’t say it was purple prose-y, but it was definitely something weird and an attempt at show off-y writing that i didn’t particularly enjoy. the word ‘hi’ was also heavily sprinkled throughout the book for no apparent reason. Ivy spends a whole lot of time saying ‘hi’ to no one or nothing, randomly, in between words and sentences. which was strange.

another thing that i also liked but didn’t like were the ‘if only’ scenarios spread throughout the book. we get little glimpses into what Ivy’s life would’ve been like had Bridget done things differently, had she made different choices, and in theory it’s a fantastic and original idea, which i really like!! but then again, these ‘if only’ chapters are thrown at us without context or explanation, which sucks, because it took me about three ‘if only’ chapters to understand that they were supposed to hypothetical scenarios. these hypothetical scenarios were also the introduction to a hypothetical set of new characters, which also only made sense until about 80% of the way into the book, when it’s actually explained where these random characters come from. so, great in theory, terrible in practice.

i think the plot and general storytelling was okay, but i wish we’d learned more about Bridget. we only spend a tiny smidge of time with her, and i don’t think it was enough to truly understand what she went through or how she struggled pre and postpartum.

in general this book was very much just okay. it was fine and the plot was fun and original, but the writing style was weird which just about ruined half of the experience. i just wish the chapters had more context, it would’ve helped LOADS.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC of If Only from author Jennifer Gilmore in exchange for an honest review, and I'm really glad that I did -- I absolutely loved this book! It had me laughing, crying, and everything in between from start to finish. This is a heartwarming story of love, belonging, and even a strong sense of loss. This book certainly takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, and it does it in all the best ways.

As the summary explains, sixteen-year old Bridget finds herself pregnant and unsure of what to do, and she eventually makes the decision to put her daughter up for adoption. So the first half of the book takes you through Bridget's heartbreak, confusion, and struggle when figuring out what to do and trying to find the perfect family for her daughter.

And then the reader is taken into Ivy's perspective, sixteen years later -- the same age that her mother Bridget was when she put her up for adoption. Ivy, having never really known her birth mother at all, has a desire to know more about her, and maybe even meet her -- which would've been easy if it wasn't for the fact that Bridget completely dropped off the map.

So this book takes you through both Bridget and Ivy's struggles, as well as the struggles of several other characters in the book. (Which I'll talk more about in a little bit.) It's a really emotional, complicated, heartbreaking journey that this book takes you through, that's for sure.

My favorite part of this book was definitely the contemplation of the "if only" scenarios. The book explores several chapters contemplating what Ivy's life would have been like if she had been given to a different set of adoptive parents. It was really interesting to see how many things would be different in those scenarios, and even things that may have stayed the same. There were also a few little cross-references that you had to look out for but made you smile when you found them, like the piano man being ticketed in Washington Square Park appearing in an "if only" scene and also Ivy's present-day life. I just thought that it was really unique and interesting to contemplate what things would be different if Bridget had told differently -- but not in a simple little passing thought. There were entire scenes/chapters dedicated to these "if only" scenes, which I think was incredibly creative, unique, and kept me hooked onto the story from start to finish.

I also really loved the wide array of perspectives that this book covered! In addition to the chapters contemplating Ivy's potential alternate lives, there were multiple perspectives that were explored throughout this book. Of course, there was Ivy and there was Bridget, but there were also Ivy's adoptive parents, and even another mother who gave a child up for adoption, but I'll refrain from talking more about that chapter at the risk of spoiling it -- but I can definitely tell you that it caught me off guard and I really appreciated it!

(Minor spoilers in this paragraph, so please skip this paragraph if you don't want the book spoiled for you!) The only thing I wished I had more of was an ending -- I wanted to find out exactly what happened when Ivy spoke to Bridget (and if she recognized her), especially if she came all the way to New York just to see her. I know that it was totally an artistic choice not to reveal the actual conversation, so it wasn't an issue of the writing at all, I'm just super nosy and wanted to know because that was something I was really excited to read. But I think that the way the book left off was certainly fitting, I just loved this story so much that I was sad to see it end!

Overall, I absolutely loved If Only. This book took me on an emotional rollercoaster and showed me a side of adoption that I had never considered before -- the struggles and the wondering and all of the things that someone can spend so much of their life not knowing the answers to. And, of course, how one decision can impact everything -- and it contemplates what would happen if you chose differently.

Hats off to If Only -- if this book isn't on your TBR already, it definitely should be!

[ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

this means everything to me. that’s all ill say.

[Samantha M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

The hardest topics to read about are often the ones people most need to know about. If written about correctly, an author can make the reader come face to face with problems he or she never imagined would come into his or her life. Jennifer Gilmore manages to show readers a number of different worlds and feelings through her book, If Only.
A huge focal point of If Only was the idea of the power of a decision. Reading this book made me wish that there was a way to see how one’s decision could impact the future, before actually deciding on it. People often think, “If I had only known that was going to happen, I could’ve done something different.” Unfortunately, there’s no pausing or rewinding in life, and there’s no way of telling what could happen next. If Only illustrates the outcomes that could have occurred if a birth mother had chosen to give her daughter away to a different pair of adoptive parents. Each time the reader meets new potential parents, the following chapter shows what the child would’ve been like, had those parents been chosen. It really made me think about how every time I make a choice, I am unknowingly changing my life. Each new reality offered in the book makes me wonder how one small choice that might’ve been made regarding me, even before I was born, has shaped the person I am today.
With this book, I realized that sometimes you can make decisions through your heart and soul, and not necessarily with your mind. People always talk about the importance of thinking through big decisions. As I am already a naturally indecisive person, making choices is usually a long, drawn out process, and I must try to weigh every possible result. I believe I do this because I was taught from a young age, whether it be in school or the outside world, that you must spend time analyzing your choices before any extreme events. While reading If Only, I began to realize that sometimes there are things that you feel in your gut before you know what to do in your head, and that at those times you should go with what your heart is telling you. A main character of If Only, named Bridget, is a pregnant teenager who can’t seem to find the perfect parents for her unborn child. Though many of the candidates appear to be capable adults, none of them feel right in her heart. I mainly end up focusing on the most logical answers, but nearing the end of the book, I began to understand that there are appropriate times to take advice from emotions and let them lead you some time. While reading this book I recognized the importance of listening equally to both the heart and the head.
I also began to wonder about the lives of all of the people in the world who I will never know. Seeing examples of just a few different lives made me want to know more about the people of the world. I want to know their stories, and I find it almost strange that there are so many people who I’ll never even see, much less talk to or get to know. I’m curious about what makes each person different, but I now also want to see what sort of things connect everyone. If Only allowed me to look into the lives of different people, and expresses the fact that no one will ever be perfect. Reading this has forced me to wonder about every stranger I see on the streets, and who they are as a person.
Despite what is currently being projected into our lives today, this book made me see that not having a perfect life is okay. No one in If Only lives a flawless life. There’s a sixteen-year-old trying to deal with a pregnancy, a girl who can’t stop thinking about finding her real mother, and two women, encouraging their daughter, but still sheltering her. Right from the beginning Ivy, a girl growing desperate to learn about her birth mother, establishes that there are problems in her life. From feeling like she’s sometimes looking in at her life from the outside to sensing that she’s not really complete, Ivy isn’t shying away from realizing that there are issues in her life. As you get older, you tend to have a more complex life and mind, therefore leading to more problems. Her story put the idea of accepting your life, even with all of its complications, into greater focus. Everyone has flaws in his or her life, but so few people are willing to face them head on. I can now see that ignoring problems or hiding them for yourself will do no good. You’ve got to look straight at them, or you might as well let them swallow you for good.
Everything might happen for a reason is something I never thought that I would believe, but after reading If Only, I suddenly do. Ivy needed her adoptive mothers to be her love and her best friend to be her spontaneous and constant bravery. This girl was born for a reason, just as her mother became pregnant for a (non-scientific) reason. Ivy’s adoptive parents, Andrea and Joanne, wanted Ivy more than anything else, and they needed her just as much as Ivy needed them. Bridget’s pregnancy was not an accident. She needed to have that baby so that Andrea and Joanne could have one of their dreams come true. In my life, I am very superstitious, yet I haven’t found anything proving that everything occurs with a purpose
Throughout my reading, I felt a huge range of emotions. Watching and following Ivy’s self-proclaimed coming-of-age journey was truly an emotional rollercoaster for both her and the reader. She is written with such relatable feelings; she can go from furious and blazing to meek and practically transparent. It’s a story of first a sixteen-year-old girl, lost and carrying a child, and then the one taking place sixteen years later, involving her daughter, also lost, but for different reasons. Reading these words on a page have a profound impact on the reader because I can connect with so many emotions both Ivy and her mother have underwent. If Only was so touching because Jennifer Gilmore takes a concept that is looked at as shameful and can be so controversial, and forces people to connect with real people who have experienced the events in this book. Everyone feels like the world is too big sometimes, so big it stops us from reaching our destinies. Reading If Only made me feel as though I, too, was a part of Ivy’s life, and like I was getting to see her grow and find herself.
This book made me hope that someday, things viewed as “deplorable” or “immoral” will no longer be labeled with such descriptions. Even though the shame that comes along with teen pregnancy isn’t the focal point of If Only, the author still chooses to mention the stares and the comments Bridget often received. Whatever your beliefs may be, what’s done is done. There’s no point in trying to turn what has become a hard life into a nightmare. People going through things like this need support, not the hate that they’re already giving to themselves. I read about how Bridget’s relationships changed between her and her parents, and it was extremely disheartening to know that the damaged love was very realistic. If Only made me really hope that at least a few more people could become more accepting, or at least less judgmental of people who are just in need of comfort.

[Gio | gioweavingtales · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Only is about relationships between women and the alternate realities we create to be closer to one another when life takes us away from each other.

The story begins in the year 2000 when Bridget, a pregnant teenager, is in the process to give her child for adoption and when 16 years later Ivy, her daughter, wants to know the woman that named her. Their stories are full of the understanding that when you make a hard decision it cannot be taken back and this relentlessness makes us create all these ramifications where we try to predict the future. Throughout of all this time, there are friends like sisters, lost mothers, found daughters, the bittersweetness of teenage love and a lifetime of heartache that comes with distance.

I'm so grateful for having received this ARC, this book touched me very deeply. Being able to read the author's raw words was a real privilege. I just can't wait to read the final version, so in the meantime, I'll read other Jennifer Gilmore's books and I think I'm starting with Golden Country.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

The word that comes to mind when attempting to describe my feeling about this book is underwhelmed. As a reader I was not engaged and, quite frankly, bored at times. The writing style is a bit abstract, consisting of free floating thoughts from the two protagonists. Although I did appreciate the decision to include "what might have been" scenarios had the teenage mother at the heart of this story chosen other adoptive parents for her child, ultimately this clever literary device was not enough to upgrade the novel from above the so so level.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read a fair amount of teen fiction, but can't remember how this one came my way. Underwhelming and I remain a bit confused about who was who, aside from Bridget and Ivy.

[Teenreadsdotcom · Rating 5 out of 5]

“How do you make the decision that matters most?” Bridget never thought that at 16 she would be making decisions that would affect her whole future and change her everyday life. At 16 she finds herself dumped by her boyfriend for another girl --- and pregnant. As Bridget begins to envision a new life, one for her and her baby, she has to decide what to do for the best of both of them. Moving through the many paths and adoptive parents, Bridget fears that there is no right decision for them to both be happy.

About 16 years later, Ivy wants to know more. She knows that Bridget was the one to name her, and that Bridget was 16 when she gave birth to her. She knows that Bridget left her and her moms’ lives soon after choosing an open adoption. Searching to find more about her “first mom,” Ivy realizes that she will also be learning more about herself.

IF ONLY is a story about two people each making decisions that will affect each one another’s futures as well as their own individual futures. It explores each of their stories at the same time, as well as exploring the “if onlys.” In addition to showing the lives that Bridget and Ivy ended up with, the book also shows readers what Ivy’s life might have been, based on who Bridget selected for adoptive parents, along with views from Ivy’s chosen parents. It’s a story about taking chances and finding your own happy ending.

The story of IF ONLY was touching in a way I’ve never read before. One of the reasons for me feeling this way was the unique story structure. It was told from many different perspectives and in different times. At some points in the book it would be confusing for me to figure out what was happening or what characters were in that chapter, but once I could follow the pattern I found it very interesting and fun. I loved how the choices of Bridget, Ivy and Ivy’s mothers became more and more influencing as the story followed along, which me want to read it more and more! Another part of the book that touched me in a special way were the letters that Bridget would write to Ivy. They showed so much love, support and wisdom. I noticed how Jennifer Gilmore conveyed how an event like having a baby, even at 16, can give you so much insight on the world. Bridget grew so wise and experienced; I could feel her love and protection for Ivy. It really touched my heart and gave the story a personal feel.

The author of this story really knows what she is doing. The book was captivating, especially for its realism and complex pull. I felt like with every new perspective or decision Ivy made, I got to learn more about who she is and how many people she could have been. It really teaches the reader how every person can be whoever they want to be, how anything is possible if you take a chance. It was a beautiful novel, and I plan on reading it again for its charm and dynamic characters with intimate stories.

Reviewed by Lillian B., Teen Board Member

[Rekha M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bridget’s life takes an unexpected turn when she discovers she’s pregnant. She is sixteen years old and trying to decide who will be the adoptive parents of her child. During this process of confusion and stress, she is missing her ex-boyfriend, the father of her child. Sixteen years later, in 2017 Ivy, Bridget’s daughter, is living with her two moms. “The story is not complicated. It is either I was wanted or unwanted. My story is I was left behind or stayed with. I mean, I know, as in, I’ve been told, that my birth mother loved me so much she let me go,” Ivy says. Ivy can’t help but wonder who her birth mom was and if she will ever meet her. She knows that she is the same age her birth mother was when she had Ivy which only makes her feel closer. All Ivy wants is to meet her birth mother and learn about her past and why she was left. But will finding her past mean forgetting her only family?
In the novel If Only, Jennifer Gilmore follows the story of two teenagers who are making the decision of their lives. This hard-to-put-down book is perfect for realistic fiction lovers. Gilmore captures the confusion and drama of every teenager’s life but also connects it to the story. She shows a theme of finding yourself, decision making, and family through a wonderful plot. Throughout the book there are chapters that describe the outcomes of Bridget’s potential decisions for Ivy’s parents, showing the importance of decision making and family. VERDICT: If Only will be best for ages 13-16. Those who enjoy realistic fiction and Robin Benway’s Far From the Tree will love this fun, heartwarming, and touching book by Jennifer Gilmore.

[Angela Gyurko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gilmore's If Only is proof that literary craft need not be dumbed down to appeal to young adults. Her perspective choices, switching between the child, the parents, and the if-only, make this novel. Gilmore slowly ties together of all the threads, some of them so subtly that they required a re-read and a few back-reads, just to be certain.

Ivy's rambling thoughts echo a genuine teen, and her first section contains no action, effectively echoing how much time teens spend in their own heads, in their own rooms. Gilmore allows the reader to sit in the room with Ivy, learning who she is before seeing what she does. Gilmore's patient approach to Ivy's introduction sets the stage for the slow unfolding of her action, and successfully foreshadows the heavily-laden pauses of the novel.

[Kadie]

Dnf. Could not get on with the writing style from the first chapter and nothing of interest came up in the first three so couldn't be bothered.

[Petra Willemse · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book just didn't do it for me. At first I was confused by the setup, then once I got it (dumb of me not to clue in sooner!), I thought it was kind of forced and silly. The whole book seemed to be making itself important and seem more thorough and thoughtful than it was.

[Charmaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

YOU CAN'T END THIS BOOK HERE!! NO! I need to see more. Give me 10 minutes, give me 10 years. Please please please.

The devil is in the details, and each one was painstakingly considered. Destiny is a huge theme here. Are we always meant to do the same things and encounter the same people in our lives? This is a book about choice, but it's also about how our choices don't matter all that much. I loved seeing the recurring characters, but wish that Ivy's friends showed up in some of the "If Only..." segments as well, especially the lovely Patrick. I loved the story of Nelly. That one felt out of place, but it was perfectly in place. It made some elements — that first photograph, that question by the creek... all make sense.

My only gripe was that the voices weren't different enough. Look, I understand that Ivy inherited a lot of traits from her mother, including the way she spoke. That some things are genetic, even without nurture's impact. But COME ON. I could hardly tell them apart! They were both too whimsical and "deep" for me. I can't take the phrase "love and light" seriously.

[Bree · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the general idea of the plot - adopted girl goes on mission to find birth mother - but found the writing style to be difficult to read and filled with fluff. The “if only” chapters are confusing and seem unnecessary. Then, just as the book is reaching what feels like it’s peak, it’s over. I would’ve liked a more developed storyline for Bridget. While I did enjoy parts of the book, overall I was disappointed to have no real clarity or closure on what happened when Ivy finally met her mother. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth to be left hanging after investing time into reading a book.

[Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

What kind of ending was that?! I honestly started to get bored with it half way through and just wound up skimming it but that ending made me so mad.

[Robin Fleischner · Rating 5 out of 5]

What if Life Had Worked out Differently in Adoption?
https://adoptsurrogatelaw.com/2019/02...

What if life had worked out differently for a birth mother, adoptive parents, or their daughter, imagines Jennifer Gilmore in her luminous novel, If Only.
As the pregnant sixteen-year-old protagonist studies photo books that hopeful adoptive parents have created to show her the life they would offer, she imagines her baby playing in a hot desert backyard or a hip urban park. If only she could raise her child, she anguishes. Already adoring the little one growing inside her body, she conjures a future in which she is the sister-like young mother of a teenager. We fall a little bit in love with the sensitive, brave heroine.
The book shifts back and forth in time between two vulnerable sixteen-year-olds, the birth mother and the now teenage daughter placed for adoption. If only her birth mother had kept up the planned open adoption, she would know how life turned out for the one who brought her into the world. She loves her adoptive parents, but longs for answers that she can only discover in a face-to-face meeting. We see how much she is like her birth mother—intelligent, perceptive, and courageous.
If only we had given birth, we would not have left the hospital without a baby, cry the adoptive parents when the birth mother takes her child home for a night after the delivery. To their overwhelming relief, their daughter is placed in their arms and hearts the next day, and they become a happy family. If only she were our biological child, she might not have unresolved questions about her beginnings, the adoptive parents worry, when their teenage daughter confesses her desire to search for her birth mother. They believe in the strength of their family, but want to protect her from doubt and pain.
If only events had worked out differently, though, the birth mother, the adoptive child, and the adoptive parents would not have had the beautiful lives that unfolded.

[Jeffrey G · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow, this is terrible. This is basically a brief short story padded out to novel length. There is no real plot or narrative for the first 2/3 of the book. Towards the end, the mc goes on an adventurous trip that actually turns out to be mildly uneventful. The book is written in a sort of wifty faux-poetic style that I absolutely loathed every moment of. I will try to imitate it briefly, just to give the flavor:

It was autumn, the season that strips away every superfluous thing like so many dead leaves. I both loved and detested autumn. The chill in the air seemed filled with such promise, the promise of a reckoning long-awaited. I see you. I see you. I felt it all with in me at that moment under the grey sky. But what I actually felt, I could not tell you. That was a secret I kept from myself and for myself.

Get the idea?

A very kind way of describing this book might be to say that it is a mediation on adoption. Unfortunately, most of its ideas on the subject are quite daft. I won't say that I did not understand what this lady was going on about. I guess I understood it OK; I just disagreed with it or maybe it would be more accurate to say I simply found the whole thing to be fatuous.

Was there anything I liked about the book? No, not at all. I really hated reading this.

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a while I was convinced that I would give this book three stars. The stream of conscious writing style takes a while to get into, and even then it never fully clicked. The characters were average. I never knew whether I was supposed to like Ivy's boyfriend and friend. One second they were terrible, and the next they were Ivy's greatest support system.

For all these reasons, I had decided on three stars.

But then Gilmore introduced the hypothetical/potential realities for Ivy. The first two confused me, but then I understood what she was getting at. The more I read, the more fun it was. And when they all came together at the end, I have never been so satisfied. The details were never obvious, and I had a lot of fun picking them out and making connections. This aspect of the story was enough to bump it up a star.

I do recommend this read if for nothing else than the final chapters. It can be slow to get into, but by the final pages I could feel my heart racing. It's strength is definitely in its ending.

[Cara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of Bridget, who got pregnant at 16, and her daughter, Ivy.

I liked the premise of this book, jumping between the two perspectives. I also liked the other perspectives that the book branched into.

However, the book skipped over the parts that seemed most interesting to me: what Bridget’s life was like after the baby was born, what Ivy’s life was like on a day-to-day basis, and what happened when they saw each other again. Oh, and what happened to Lulu? It seemed like there was a lot of potential for a really juicy story here, but it didn’t really pan out.

[Chloe Capel · Rating 3 out of 5]

i personally really liked ‘if only’. it was a good book about decision making at a very young age and even showed how the decisions can wind up. i gave it 3 stars, though, because at times i was very confused since it would not really specify who the characters were. although, about just over halfway, i was understanding the characters and the way of writing much more. i would recommend this book to someone if they were good at comprehending stories and wants a book about young pregnancy and the decisions that go along with it.

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer Gilmore has written a lush, brilliantly empathetic novel about adoption, yes, but—more than anything—she has captured the aching and disappointment and the romance of youth. There is breathless possibility on every page of this book. Its structure captures the utter unpredictability of being alive. It will stay with me always, in large and thought-provoking ways but also in the small and poignant details. I truly could not put this book down

[Jenn · Rating 2 out of 5]

An okay book about an adopted girl and her birth mother, set in two time frames. I liked the looks at how different Ivy's life could have been, depending on which set of adoptive parents her mother chose. However, I didn't like the sections in Ivy's POV, the style of writing didn't sit well with me. This is a personal thought, though, I'm sure others will enjoy it just fine.

Okay, not the best, passed some time.

[Liv · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish this book would have been better. I think it had potential, but the flow just wasn’t there. There was three plots, Bridgette, Ivy, and the If Only parts. I feel like it needed to pick two. I felt like just as I got to know each character I was pulled into a totally different story. The second half of the book was better, and had more of a plot line. However, the ending had much to be desired, and 90% of the problems weren’t solved in a satisfying way.

[Ava · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novel was so genuine and emotional. I loved all of the “if only”s throughout, as well as the interconnectedness of the characters in the different stories. I always enjoy the exploration of how one’s life could be vastly different based on small changes, but that is especially real for Ivy. All of the characters felt real and well developed. I throughly enjoyed this book, including its open-endedness.

[Flor Méndez · Rating 2 out of 5]

Me encantó la temática pero la cantidad de relleno al pedo que tiene me dio hasta bronca. La narración no me gustó del todo y me parece que, con todas esas hojas de relleno, darle al actor ese final es una cagada.

[Maya · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book had a nice cliff hanger ending and was sweet towards the end but I felt it was pretty confusing at some points especially during part 1. I would give it a 2.5 because there were a few good parts but it definitely wasn’t my favorite.

[McKelvey Espeset · Rating 2 out of 5]

got more interesting towards the end. kinda boring and hard to follow. left me on a cliffhanger about something i had been waiting for the whole book. overall, it wasn’t my favorite. a lot of typos as well.

[Hannah Schleicher · Rating 5 out of 5]

i read this book awhile ago so i won’t go in depth because my memory generally isn’t great but i do remember that after i finished it i was fascinated by all the unexpected ways the two stories were connected

[ash🐞 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t love this book bc at the time I didn’t understand what exactly was happening, and I didn’t find it interesting, nothing completely wrong but I wish there was a sequel or at least epilogue to tell us what happened after, the book kind of just ends

[Kati Polodna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Received at ALA Midwinter 2018. I liked the whole idea of this story but the “If Only” chapters at the beginning kind of threw me.