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Between the Shadow and Lo
“A voice that was strong and cruel came from somewhere deep within me. When the voice split away and talked to me all by itself I started calling her Lo…She’d watched me at my lowest points and saved up a thousand slights, a million minor offenses. She forgave nothing, and now she wanted revenge.” Leah is an alcoholic. She’s antisocial, self-destructive, and deeply damaged. She’s also battling a voice in her head she calls Lo, who wants to take over her body. Lo is everything Leah isn’t—beautiful, charming, confident, and ruthless in her desires. She commandeers Leah’s will whenever Leah gets too drunk, and acts as her escort through the rainy Seattle underworld. As a misfit bibliophile, Leah’s conception of reality has never been rock solid, but as she spirals deeper into addiction the “real world” of bars, bikers, dealers, and addicts slowly dissolves into Lo’s dark vision. As Lo steadily tightens her hold, Leah prepares to make one last bid for survival, knowing her only chance is to transcend Lo’s terrifying drive toward death. An addiction memoir from Lauren Sapala, Between the Shadow and Lo is a new addition to the gritty and hilarious transgressive fiction tradition of Chuck Palahniuk, Charles Bukowski, and Joshua Mohr.
294 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 28, 2017
23 people are currently reading
668 people want to read
About the author
Lauren Sapala
12 books377 followersLauren Sapala is a writing coach who specializes in coaching introverted, intuitive writers. She founded the WriteCity writing groups in Seattle and San Francisco and currently blogs about writing and creativity at www.laurensapala.com.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
September 21, 2018
About two years ago I read Norm MacDonald’s BASED ON A TRUE STORY, which, if you’ve never read it, essentially turns the idea of a memoir on its head. It is metafictional, self-referential, and equal parts insincere and brutally honest. I mention this here because that memoir was one in a run of memoirs I read within a 3-4 year span as I decided to explore the genre; at that point, I decided, I had reached the logical conclusion to what a memoir can accomplish, and so I moved on to other reading fads.
Then, about a month ago, I came upon a copy of Lauren Sapala’s BETWEEN THE SHADOW AND LO and was reintroduced to the genre. No, reintroduced is inappropriate—reeducated I suppose. Sapala describes the novel, at least by way of the blurb on the back, as “autobiographical fiction.” And so I do not know where the truth ends and fiction begins, but that isn’t exactly the point here. There are a lot of indistinct beginnings and endings in play: time, people, and locations come and go in no discernible pattern, so why shouldn’t the truth do the same?
In many ways, through her style of storytelling, Sapala captures her subject matter perfectly. Between the Shadow and Lo is about Leah, an alcoholic who calls the archetypal devil on her shoulder / voice in her head “Lo” and struggles with discerning whether or not she is more than the sum of her parties. As she traverses through Seattle in this drunken and confused state, the reader is subjected to the kind of temporal ambiguity one might experience during a night—or month, or year, or years—of heavy drinking. Occasionally, as the reader, you’ll feel lost, but Leah will remind you that this is wholly the theme: “HOW LONG was I GONE” she remarks at one point, and so there is a mutual frustration, narrator and reader, that you struggle through together. Other characters feel it as well; Leah describes a friend as “chased constantly by time” and ruminates on the way another “tricked time” in order to escape a dangerous situation.
These acquaintances enter and exit the story unpredictably as well. Their importance is always unclear and you struggle along with Leah to determine their respective levels of love, compassion, or even respect for the protagonist (and the inverse). They come, go, and come back again and if you feel like you have met them for the first time over and over, then you are right where Leah wants you.
There is no doubt that this is not entertaining escapism in a sort of easy-reading beach novel type way, but it is, as far as I can tell, an incredibly personal invitation to confront another’s demons, to slip into a tequila-haze via words and imagery alone. But the novel is absolutely not without moments of beauty. Sapala describes the rain-slick city of Seattle with absolute poetry, a haunting magnificence and splendor that matches all the dangerous charm of substance abuse. If you’ve read Nick Flynn’s memoir ANOTHER BULLSHIT NIGHT IN SUCK CITY, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about—in fact, I scribbled in my notes at one point that this novel is basically SUCK CITY meets DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE.
This is a memoir that rewards the patient and persistent reader. Sapala lays it all out there: truth and lies, then and now, here and there, gone and returned. And in doing so, she asks a lot of her reader. She asks you to pick up the pieces along the way, to laugh at her vulnerabilities and then to feel guilty for it, to root for and against her all at once. But there is a payoff, there is, ultimately, an undeniable truth. This novel is not escapism; it’s what we’re escaping from.
Then, about a month ago, I came upon a copy of Lauren Sapala’s BETWEEN THE SHADOW AND LO and was reintroduced to the genre. No, reintroduced is inappropriate—reeducated I suppose. Sapala describes the novel, at least by way of the blurb on the back, as “autobiographical fiction.” And so I do not know where the truth ends and fiction begins, but that isn’t exactly the point here. There are a lot of indistinct beginnings and endings in play: time, people, and locations come and go in no discernible pattern, so why shouldn’t the truth do the same?
In many ways, through her style of storytelling, Sapala captures her subject matter perfectly. Between the Shadow and Lo is about Leah, an alcoholic who calls the archetypal devil on her shoulder / voice in her head “Lo” and struggles with discerning whether or not she is more than the sum of her parties. As she traverses through Seattle in this drunken and confused state, the reader is subjected to the kind of temporal ambiguity one might experience during a night—or month, or year, or years—of heavy drinking. Occasionally, as the reader, you’ll feel lost, but Leah will remind you that this is wholly the theme: “HOW LONG was I GONE” she remarks at one point, and so there is a mutual frustration, narrator and reader, that you struggle through together. Other characters feel it as well; Leah describes a friend as “chased constantly by time” and ruminates on the way another “tricked time” in order to escape a dangerous situation.
These acquaintances enter and exit the story unpredictably as well. Their importance is always unclear and you struggle along with Leah to determine their respective levels of love, compassion, or even respect for the protagonist (and the inverse). They come, go, and come back again and if you feel like you have met them for the first time over and over, then you are right where Leah wants you.
There is no doubt that this is not entertaining escapism in a sort of easy-reading beach novel type way, but it is, as far as I can tell, an incredibly personal invitation to confront another’s demons, to slip into a tequila-haze via words and imagery alone. But the novel is absolutely not without moments of beauty. Sapala describes the rain-slick city of Seattle with absolute poetry, a haunting magnificence and splendor that matches all the dangerous charm of substance abuse. If you’ve read Nick Flynn’s memoir ANOTHER BULLSHIT NIGHT IN SUCK CITY, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about—in fact, I scribbled in my notes at one point that this novel is basically SUCK CITY meets DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE.
This is a memoir that rewards the patient and persistent reader. Sapala lays it all out there: truth and lies, then and now, here and there, gone and returned. And in doing so, she asks a lot of her reader. She asks you to pick up the pieces along the way, to laugh at her vulnerabilities and then to feel guilty for it, to root for and against her all at once. But there is a payoff, there is, ultimately, an undeniable truth. This novel is not escapism; it’s what we’re escaping from.
September 26, 2017
I'm a big fan of Lauren Sapala's non-fiction work on writing, including her blog and her book The INFJ Writer. One of my favorite blog articles she's written is about writing from your wound, about using not just your good and happy experiences in your writing, but your painful ones as well.
I think this entire autobiographical novel, Between the Shadow and Lo, was ripped straight out of Lauren's wound. It is an honest and raw look at alcoholism and the harm it does, both to others and to the alcoholic themself. It takes a very brave soul to show the world this kind of mirror.
Much of the book's plot is repetitive -- Leah gets drunk, Leah engages in self-destructive behavior, Leah is depressed, repeat -- but make no mistake, this is a page-turner. It takes an incredibly talented writer to take this kind of human misery and weave it into something you won't be able to put down.
But few of us just want to watch someone self-destruct. What makes Between the Shadow and Lo a must-read is that, without giving spoilers, in the end, it is a story of hope in the darkness.
I think this entire autobiographical novel, Between the Shadow and Lo, was ripped straight out of Lauren's wound. It is an honest and raw look at alcoholism and the harm it does, both to others and to the alcoholic themself. It takes a very brave soul to show the world this kind of mirror.
Much of the book's plot is repetitive -- Leah gets drunk, Leah engages in self-destructive behavior, Leah is depressed, repeat -- but make no mistake, this is a page-turner. It takes an incredibly talented writer to take this kind of human misery and weave it into something you won't be able to put down.
But few of us just want to watch someone self-destruct. What makes Between the Shadow and Lo a must-read is that, without giving spoilers, in the end, it is a story of hope in the darkness.
October 28, 2017
I've little personal experience of alcohol or drug addiction, but while reading this plucky, evocative autobiographical novel, that world became vividly real to me. The narrator, Leah, is a young woman living a grim, aimless life in Seattle, sinking ever deeper into alcohol abuse and personal anguish. As a survival strategy, she has developed an alter ego, Lo, who at first seems like a protector but gradually reveals herself to be the enemy within – vicious, relentless, ruthless, and as likely to destroy Leah as protect her.
Leah's life is circular and seemingly hopeless. She works at a bookstore, partly because her passion for books is one of the few things to have survived her descent into nihilism. She obsesses about ex-boyfriends, and sleeps with strangers; she (or rather, perhaps, Lo) doesn't enjoy these encounters, but instead seems to approach them almost with the dispassionate eye of a researcher. She is capable of cruelty, and frequently demeans her partners. She regularly gets so drunk that she blacks out entirely, leaving large sections of time as essentially blank areas on her life's map.
I kept expecting the development of some great narrative arc, and dreading a cheesy denouement in which everything would magically come right again. That would have made this a more cheerful book, but certainly not a better or more insightful one. It would, in fact, have been a cop-out – which, luckily, Sapala is too good a writer to be tempted by. Leah's life continues in a grimly repetitive manner, as she goes out, gets drunk, picks up men, passes out, and then wakes up feeling like death. She is aware that she is slowly killing herself, but cannot seem to free herself from this vicious cycle. Having said that, there is a slight glimmer of hope toward the end of the book, a suggestion that perhaps she will eventually be able to struggle out of this destructive spiral and find something better in her life.
This may sound like a grim read, and in many ways it really is, but it's also compelling. It's a talented writer indeed who can take this source material and turn it into something of a page-turner. The misery is leavened with moments of dark humour, and lightened by some richly evocative passages. Sapala has an eye for original, haunting imagery, and very often gets it so effortlessly right that you're amazed – and impressed.
I want to end this review by repeating that this is an autobiographical novel. I can't adequately express how much I admire Sapala's courage in putting past events and mistakes before the public's eye, without even attempting to obscure them behind an impenetrable veil of fiction. Many writers, of course, draw upon their personal experiences and pain, but they frequently hide behind their characters, carefully deflecting attention away from themselves. Sapala holds up the mirror to her past self, and what is reflected there is not even slightly flattering or romantic. It is, however, gritty and true and heartbreakingly real. Recommended.
Leah's life is circular and seemingly hopeless. She works at a bookstore, partly because her passion for books is one of the few things to have survived her descent into nihilism. She obsesses about ex-boyfriends, and sleeps with strangers; she (or rather, perhaps, Lo) doesn't enjoy these encounters, but instead seems to approach them almost with the dispassionate eye of a researcher. She is capable of cruelty, and frequently demeans her partners. She regularly gets so drunk that she blacks out entirely, leaving large sections of time as essentially blank areas on her life's map.
I kept expecting the development of some great narrative arc, and dreading a cheesy denouement in which everything would magically come right again. That would have made this a more cheerful book, but certainly not a better or more insightful one. It would, in fact, have been a cop-out – which, luckily, Sapala is too good a writer to be tempted by. Leah's life continues in a grimly repetitive manner, as she goes out, gets drunk, picks up men, passes out, and then wakes up feeling like death. She is aware that she is slowly killing herself, but cannot seem to free herself from this vicious cycle. Having said that, there is a slight glimmer of hope toward the end of the book, a suggestion that perhaps she will eventually be able to struggle out of this destructive spiral and find something better in her life.
This may sound like a grim read, and in many ways it really is, but it's also compelling. It's a talented writer indeed who can take this source material and turn it into something of a page-turner. The misery is leavened with moments of dark humour, and lightened by some richly evocative passages. Sapala has an eye for original, haunting imagery, and very often gets it so effortlessly right that you're amazed – and impressed.
I want to end this review by repeating that this is an autobiographical novel. I can't adequately express how much I admire Sapala's courage in putting past events and mistakes before the public's eye, without even attempting to obscure them behind an impenetrable veil of fiction. Many writers, of course, draw upon their personal experiences and pain, but they frequently hide behind their characters, carefully deflecting attention away from themselves. Sapala holds up the mirror to her past self, and what is reflected there is not even slightly flattering or romantic. It is, however, gritty and true and heartbreakingly real. Recommended.
December 21, 2017
This book is not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to dive into a tale of darkness and the realm of addiction, but within that lies an underlying blanket of hope and redemption. Reading this was like watching a wound heal in real time. Written by Lauren Sapala, author of “The INFJ Writer” (an incredible book for introverts and writers alike), this novel is raw, it is real, and I honestly feel as though I heard echoes of Jack Kerouac throughout. This is real shit, coming to you from the soul level. Read it.
October 13, 2017
As someone that knows little about alcohol and drug addiction, I found this an incredibly vivid and visceral account of a woman spiralling down into a different personality haunting the underbelly of Seattle's bars whilst becoming increasingly dominated by her creation of the ruthless Lo. All the characters she meets are similarly 'broken' in some way. What the warning is here, is that any one of us could end up in the same situation, depending on our emotional and psycholgical state with a history of losses behind us, and the environment we may find ourselves in.
It was a gripping and yet uncomfortable read. I was expecting a dramatic arc of some kind, but Leah keeps on in her groove to the point where you want to yank her out of it and move her on, but the structure of repetition echoes the relentless nature of Leah's addiction and addiction of a generic nature. Finally, though, there is hope in sight.
Loved the writing style, a good flow to it, with a paradoxical blend of raw and real language counterpointed by some of the most original descriptions of perceptions and feelings I've ever come across. I would read it all over again for these qualities.
It was a gripping and yet uncomfortable read. I was expecting a dramatic arc of some kind, but Leah keeps on in her groove to the point where you want to yank her out of it and move her on, but the structure of repetition echoes the relentless nature of Leah's addiction and addiction of a generic nature. Finally, though, there is hope in sight.
Loved the writing style, a good flow to it, with a paradoxical blend of raw and real language counterpointed by some of the most original descriptions of perceptions and feelings I've ever come across. I would read it all over again for these qualities.
February 26, 2019
Es un libro duro.
He tardado bastante en terminar de leerlo más porque iba leyendo 15 minutos al día que porque no me gustase. Pero es que, como he dicho, es duro.
Y para mi ha sido especialmente duro porque tengo la experiencia de ser hija de un alcohólico y muchísimas veces durante la lectura del libro me iba preguntando a mi misma: ¿será que mi padre piensa lo mismo? ¿será que es esto lo que siente? ¿será...?
Hay momentos en los que la narración parece confusa o borrosa o muy situacional, y he llegado a la conclusión de que es la manera que tiene Lauren Sapala de adentrarnos como lectores en lo que significa ser alcohólica. Mi opinión es que lo consigue. (A parte de removerme las entrañas por la parte que me toca.)
A pesar de que sus dos obras de no ficción me gustaron mucho más, este es un libro que recomiendo sin lugar a dudas, y ya tengo ganas de leerme la segunda parte de sus memorias noveladas, West Is San Francisco.
He tardado bastante en terminar de leerlo más porque iba leyendo 15 minutos al día que porque no me gustase. Pero es que, como he dicho, es duro.
Y para mi ha sido especialmente duro porque tengo la experiencia de ser hija de un alcohólico y muchísimas veces durante la lectura del libro me iba preguntando a mi misma: ¿será que mi padre piensa lo mismo? ¿será que es esto lo que siente? ¿será...?
Hay momentos en los que la narración parece confusa o borrosa o muy situacional, y he llegado a la conclusión de que es la manera que tiene Lauren Sapala de adentrarnos como lectores en lo que significa ser alcohólica. Mi opinión es que lo consigue. (A parte de removerme las entrañas por la parte que me toca.)
A pesar de que sus dos obras de no ficción me gustaron mucho más, este es un libro que recomiendo sin lugar a dudas, y ya tengo ganas de leerme la segunda parte de sus memorias noveladas, West Is San Francisco.
September 26, 2018
Twenty-something Seattleite Leah is an emotionally damaged alcoholic with a penchant for drugs, sleeping around and books. She has an alter ego, a dark figment of her imagination, she calls Lo. Whenever Leah gets drunk, Lo comes to the fore.
The story consists for the most part of Leah recounting her various escapades, which entail taking drugs, frequenting bars, chasing men and inevitably ending up in a drink-laden stupor.
Between the Shadow and Lo is a first-person work of Transgressive Fiction written by a female author and boasting a female protagonist, both something of a rarity in what remains a male-dominated genre. The book’s squalid descriptions of Seattle’s underbelly appealed to this reader.
The story consists for the most part of Leah recounting her various escapades, which entail taking drugs, frequenting bars, chasing men and inevitably ending up in a drink-laden stupor.
Between the Shadow and Lo is a first-person work of Transgressive Fiction written by a female author and boasting a female protagonist, both something of a rarity in what remains a male-dominated genre. The book’s squalid descriptions of Seattle’s underbelly appealed to this reader.
July 29, 2018
Handle with care
This is the most raw and open book I’ve ever read. Take the other reviews seriously, because if you choose this road, there is no turning away from the hauntingly captivating journey ahead.
This is the most raw and open book I’ve ever read. Take the other reviews seriously, because if you choose this road, there is no turning away from the hauntingly captivating journey ahead.
June 19, 2018
Whilst I believe most if not all fiction is derived from the experiences of their creators, transgressive, literary fiction is, more often than not, based in the cold reality of the world we all inhabit. Between the Shadow and Lo takes no exception to this unwritten rule, drawing most of its impact through the eyes of the protagonist, Leah, who is in a love/hate relationship with her alter-ego, and I suppose antagonist of the story, Lo, who lives inside the ever-self-aware Leah throughout the piece, waiting for the ‘appropriate’ moments to come out and play, often when it’s really the last thing Leah needs. Lo serves as the person we all think we need to be to function in the cold, callous world, similar to fictional greats such as Tyler Durden.
The premise of the story is a simple one at heart, which makes the realism even grittier and at times, difficult to read. Leah is young woman who moves to Seattle with a couple of friends to try and start a life there and see what’s what with the world and where it might take her. It comes across as a coming of age story but skilfully avoids any ‘life lesson’ clichés towards the latter end, focusing more on the spiral of self-loathing, her increasing dependency on alcohol and the promiscuous, self-destructive behaviour it inspires. All of which are acted out by a palpable feeling of unmanageable anger and troubling self-hatred. The people surrounding Leah become a reflection of herself, an amalgamation of hollow-faced, broken personalities who only increase her appetite for her downfall. I’ve believed for a long time that how you feel about yourself is often reflected by the people surrounding you. Between the Shadow and Lo embodies this thought and then cranks it up a notch by skipping unknown amounts of time to reveal the psychological effects of blackouts induced by alcoholism and also shining a light on the grimmer, physiological impacts of the vice. You’ll read very vivid descriptions on what alcohol can do the bowels, how it fills you with a heated want when you’ve gone without it for a while, and how it tucks you inside many a strangers’ beds without feeling the need to notify you until the morning after. I know this to be the case, as Leah was very much the female equivalent of myself during my early to mid-twenties.
As for the writing, Lauren Sapala is exceptionally skilled. Her usage of similes and metaphors are original, witty, charming, decadent, shatteringly honest and a lot of times profound and hilarious. Confessing it to be a memoir only ups the ante of her spiral toward a certain death, but there is a delicate intelligence to Leah which Lo seems unable to truly wipe out. She’s completely aware of her own behaviour and how its effecting her health and relationships, but also looks at it from a comedic and often poignant perspective. She may despise herself, but there is no judgment on her part. That’s what, for me, made the piece all the more charming and heart-wrenching. We’ve all met people like Leah (or even Lo) and most of us have been her as well. Lost under the ceaseless, grey clouds of Seattle, the spittle of rain forever draping itself over the city is blurred by the neon lights of dive-bars frequented throughout, where the lost and likely never to be found are always welcome.
One of my favourite chapters was when Leah woke up late again for her job at the bookstore, only to realise her car was situated somewhere underneath a bridge where all the meth heads and homeless folk congregate. Still drunk from the fumes of the previous night’s escapades, Leah jumps in a cab and tells him where to go, only to realise that she’s misplaced the car alarm deactivator on her way there. From there Leah and Lo blended together during this chapter, as her upfront language and anger at herself comes out in hilarious fashion as she bosses the cab driver around, who seems smitten with the self-confessed, drunken and salacious young woman. What comes across as innocuous reveals the bitter hilarity that ensues when addiction starts to get out of control. Another notable moment was when Leah tried to break-in to her own flat after misplacing her keys, only to find herself laying over a fence and a small window panel like a makeshift bridge, dressed in a full-bodied, latex suit no less. It served as a fitting metaphor for Leah; a young woman who from a distance looks confident and stable, but stumbles and falls whenever anyone gets too close to her.
Any fan of Bukowski will be delighted to have discovered this book. It has all the rawness, grit and passion one could hope for from any author, but with Sapala’s own genteel, unique signature sprinkled (and sometimes smeared) across the page. In a time where hope is injected into stories as some sort of tired old obligation rather than a necessity, Between the Shadow and Lo refreshingly sticks a middle finger up to it, wisely choosing instead to be its own, unforgiving insight into what many a westerner will experience when they find themselves face to face with the real world.
The references to the great Dostoevsky were an additional delight for any bookworms out there too.
A riveting, no nonsense insight into the reality of addiction, self-destruction and most importantly, what it means to be human inside an apathetic world. Top marks.
The premise of the story is a simple one at heart, which makes the realism even grittier and at times, difficult to read. Leah is young woman who moves to Seattle with a couple of friends to try and start a life there and see what’s what with the world and where it might take her. It comes across as a coming of age story but skilfully avoids any ‘life lesson’ clichés towards the latter end, focusing more on the spiral of self-loathing, her increasing dependency on alcohol and the promiscuous, self-destructive behaviour it inspires. All of which are acted out by a palpable feeling of unmanageable anger and troubling self-hatred. The people surrounding Leah become a reflection of herself, an amalgamation of hollow-faced, broken personalities who only increase her appetite for her downfall. I’ve believed for a long time that how you feel about yourself is often reflected by the people surrounding you. Between the Shadow and Lo embodies this thought and then cranks it up a notch by skipping unknown amounts of time to reveal the psychological effects of blackouts induced by alcoholism and also shining a light on the grimmer, physiological impacts of the vice. You’ll read very vivid descriptions on what alcohol can do the bowels, how it fills you with a heated want when you’ve gone without it for a while, and how it tucks you inside many a strangers’ beds without feeling the need to notify you until the morning after. I know this to be the case, as Leah was very much the female equivalent of myself during my early to mid-twenties.
As for the writing, Lauren Sapala is exceptionally skilled. Her usage of similes and metaphors are original, witty, charming, decadent, shatteringly honest and a lot of times profound and hilarious. Confessing it to be a memoir only ups the ante of her spiral toward a certain death, but there is a delicate intelligence to Leah which Lo seems unable to truly wipe out. She’s completely aware of her own behaviour and how its effecting her health and relationships, but also looks at it from a comedic and often poignant perspective. She may despise herself, but there is no judgment on her part. That’s what, for me, made the piece all the more charming and heart-wrenching. We’ve all met people like Leah (or even Lo) and most of us have been her as well. Lost under the ceaseless, grey clouds of Seattle, the spittle of rain forever draping itself over the city is blurred by the neon lights of dive-bars frequented throughout, where the lost and likely never to be found are always welcome.
One of my favourite chapters was when Leah woke up late again for her job at the bookstore, only to realise her car was situated somewhere underneath a bridge where all the meth heads and homeless folk congregate. Still drunk from the fumes of the previous night’s escapades, Leah jumps in a cab and tells him where to go, only to realise that she’s misplaced the car alarm deactivator on her way there. From there Leah and Lo blended together during this chapter, as her upfront language and anger at herself comes out in hilarious fashion as she bosses the cab driver around, who seems smitten with the self-confessed, drunken and salacious young woman. What comes across as innocuous reveals the bitter hilarity that ensues when addiction starts to get out of control. Another notable moment was when Leah tried to break-in to her own flat after misplacing her keys, only to find herself laying over a fence and a small window panel like a makeshift bridge, dressed in a full-bodied, latex suit no less. It served as a fitting metaphor for Leah; a young woman who from a distance looks confident and stable, but stumbles and falls whenever anyone gets too close to her.
Any fan of Bukowski will be delighted to have discovered this book. It has all the rawness, grit and passion one could hope for from any author, but with Sapala’s own genteel, unique signature sprinkled (and sometimes smeared) across the page. In a time where hope is injected into stories as some sort of tired old obligation rather than a necessity, Between the Shadow and Lo refreshingly sticks a middle finger up to it, wisely choosing instead to be its own, unforgiving insight into what many a westerner will experience when they find themselves face to face with the real world.
The references to the great Dostoevsky were an additional delight for any bookworms out there too.
A riveting, no nonsense insight into the reality of addiction, self-destruction and most importantly, what it means to be human inside an apathetic world. Top marks.
November 25, 2019
Enlightening
This is something that I read with one purpose and it changed me as I read. Fantastic novel and will read the rest of her books, than you for coming back I go my life when I didn't think I needed it
This is something that I read with one purpose and it changed me as I read. Fantastic novel and will read the rest of her books, than you for coming back I go my life when I didn't think I needed it
July 31, 2018
Between the Shadow and Lo is the story of a young woman, Leah, living in Seattle.
Leah is an alcoholic. She knows and admits this without shame to herself and addicts in her world. Almost comfortable with her alcoholism, Leah understands exactly what to drink and the pace at which to drink to induce the blackout periods when the ‘veil’ comes down. She knows her darker self.
And she sees this darkness in others. The author’s descriptions are raw, grim and brilliantly communicated.
“Like a concentration camp survivor his face seemed to be all skull. Starved by life and disappointed early on, now he cheated whoever he could out of habit.”
Over an approximately two-year period, we read briefly about Leah's working in a bookshop but mostly about her social circle: with whom she lives, drinks, socialises and sleeps. We get full exposure to her depravity and self-loathing and glimpse fellow alcoholics and drug addicts managing their own demons.
Leah understands these people around her. So does Lo.
“Sometimes I could sift through them and pick out the larger parts that had broken off inside, pulling those pieces out into the light for deeper inspection.”
The raw and detailed descriptions are where Lauren excels. I could feel Leah’s mental state, experience her world and feel the routine of addiction.
In Leah's world, people are never their best selves and their addictions make decisions for them.
I especially loved the descriptions of her body, especially the body of an alcoholic after a night of drinking, “For me, the morning after a binge began with the morning piss, dark and reeking like hot pond water.” The author manages to convey the feeling of mental sickness during a hangover, “With it came a sort of emotional nausea, a slowly creeping revulsion of the self.”
As the story progressed, along with Leah, I gained insight into her world.
This book was dark, intriguing, and full of revolting details which I found fascinating. I loved it.
Read Between the Shadow and Lo if you want to experience and understand a life dominated by alcohol but without the consequences.
Leah is an alcoholic. She knows and admits this without shame to herself and addicts in her world. Almost comfortable with her alcoholism, Leah understands exactly what to drink and the pace at which to drink to induce the blackout periods when the ‘veil’ comes down. She knows her darker self.
And she sees this darkness in others. The author’s descriptions are raw, grim and brilliantly communicated.
“Like a concentration camp survivor his face seemed to be all skull. Starved by life and disappointed early on, now he cheated whoever he could out of habit.”
Over an approximately two-year period, we read briefly about Leah's working in a bookshop but mostly about her social circle: with whom she lives, drinks, socialises and sleeps. We get full exposure to her depravity and self-loathing and glimpse fellow alcoholics and drug addicts managing their own demons.
Leah understands these people around her. So does Lo.
“Sometimes I could sift through them and pick out the larger parts that had broken off inside, pulling those pieces out into the light for deeper inspection.”
The raw and detailed descriptions are where Lauren excels. I could feel Leah’s mental state, experience her world and feel the routine of addiction.
In Leah's world, people are never their best selves and their addictions make decisions for them.
I especially loved the descriptions of her body, especially the body of an alcoholic after a night of drinking, “For me, the morning after a binge began with the morning piss, dark and reeking like hot pond water.” The author manages to convey the feeling of mental sickness during a hangover, “With it came a sort of emotional nausea, a slowly creeping revulsion of the self.”
As the story progressed, along with Leah, I gained insight into her world.
This book was dark, intriguing, and full of revolting details which I found fascinating. I loved it.
Read Between the Shadow and Lo if you want to experience and understand a life dominated by alcohol but without the consequences.
February 21, 2018
"Between the Shadow and Lo" isn't a book for everybody, but that doesn't mean everybody shouldn't read it. I don't care who you are, at some level, addiction is something to which we can all relate. If you don't have a vice, you're not being honest with yourself and Lauren Sapala's book is the cure: It's a fistful of tightly packed honesty smashing you right in your lying face.
The main character, Leah, struggles with alcohol. It's her numbing agent of choice that helps her deal with the residue of days past, heartbreak, and the general miasma of life. We feel for her constant letdowns and relationships with an unruly cast of characters. Eventually, Leah finds what she thinks is love in an alternate personality, Lo, but we discover the figment is only another avenue headed in the same downward direction.
Like many lives, there are punctuations of laugh-out-loud hijinks and hope, but everything's coated with a sense of pity and worry for Leah. We hope that by the time we reach the end of the book, she'll come out of the darkness and find her true identity.
Lauren writes with so much heart, you'd swear her prose was pumping blood. Her word choice, the way she paints a scene and the turmoil of the people populating her world, is beyond compare.
Even if you don't think this is a book for you, please, download the sample and give it an honest look. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
The main character, Leah, struggles with alcohol. It's her numbing agent of choice that helps her deal with the residue of days past, heartbreak, and the general miasma of life. We feel for her constant letdowns and relationships with an unruly cast of characters. Eventually, Leah finds what she thinks is love in an alternate personality, Lo, but we discover the figment is only another avenue headed in the same downward direction.
Like many lives, there are punctuations of laugh-out-loud hijinks and hope, but everything's coated with a sense of pity and worry for Leah. We hope that by the time we reach the end of the book, she'll come out of the darkness and find her true identity.
Lauren writes with so much heart, you'd swear her prose was pumping blood. Her word choice, the way she paints a scene and the turmoil of the people populating her world, is beyond compare.
Even if you don't think this is a book for you, please, download the sample and give it an honest look. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Read
March 3, 2022We’ve all known someone who’s battled addiction, we’ve seen it destroy lives and ruin relationships. Yet, we struggle to understand it. Lauren Sapala’s Between the Shadow and Lo confronts the blight of addiction head on, and it does so beautifully. The prose is haunting and poetic taking you on a cyclical tour through the life of Leah, a young woman living and drinking her way through Seattle in the early 2000s. Her tale is raw and unabashed—some would say transgressive—but it is oh so important. The details—at times funny, sometimes tragic, yet always reflective—are an intimate window into the mind of a person struggling with addiction and mental illness. In that way, the novel opens a door. It makes the reader see the person beyond the symptoms. As dark as the journey becomes there is a light. We build empathy for Leah, and on the way, it leaves a little room for hope. Outstanding.
September 20, 2018
Poetic. Deeply moving. I'm left with so many questions. For a while there, I felt like I was getting left behind. It got so poetic and vague in the middle that I was getting frustrated because I WANTED to follow along, but I felt like I was missing important details that were going over my head. The first half, third half, and right on to the end was a breeze, though. There were parts where I was laughing and parts where I started biting my nails because it was getting so intense. It reminded me of Fight Club, but better. This was just raw and real and I loved the frankness and the grotesque details. My favorite part was probably "the formidable load - a howling monster, long and wide - made of pure poop." Ugh, loved it. Spectacular. I've read all her books now. Ready for the next one!
August 14, 2018
Having had my own bouts with drug addiction and everything that comes with it, Between the Shadow and Lo depicts the true perpetual train wreck that is that lifestyle. From love to friends to family to our own personal demons such as Lo, it all gets interweaved within the fabric of addiction.
May 29, 2018
This was a very emotional read for me as I have a family member who struggles with alcoholism. Very powerful!
August 17, 2018
Here is my full review on “Between the Shadow and Lo” by Lauren Sapala
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November 26, 2019
Lauren Sapala's writing style is reason enough to read this book. I've never before met a memoir that was such a page-turner: such is the author's ability to keep you engaged and wondering what fresh hell is in store for her forelorne protagonist; a past version of the author's self.
If you were never one to roam the bars until the early hours of the morning and wonder what those after-hours lives are like, this book will be an education. Sapala wastes no time, grabbing you by the collar and hauling you along with her into places that would scare the crap out of most people. While reading the book I felt like I was a ghost, hovering just behind the author and watching everything unfold, at times hunching and cringing, watching inescapable calamity ensue in slow motion. Only a brave person could write such material, exposing psychological and physical transgressions for the world to read (and, doubtless in many cases, judge).
This is not a book for the squeamish, but it provides a fascinating insight into the motivation and behaviors of those suffering with addiction. Throw away any notion of a happy ending, at least with this book. You won't watch "Leah" skip off into the sunset having completed a 12-step process.
It's not all bad news, though, and there are times you'll have to laugh. And there is of course hope; after all, the author survived to write this book. I have Lauren Sapala's subsequent work, "West is San Francisco", which takes the story further; if this book is any indication, I'll love that book, too.
To finish where I began, I would highly recommend this book to new writers...it's in your interest to read what may be outside your comfort zone and take a rare opportunity to be inside someone else's head. Also, there’s so very much to draw from in terms of the characters' personalities and traits, and the entire book is an education in the use of metaphors, similes and knowing how to keep a reader turning the pages. If only more writers could ply their art so well. I could not find one reason to take even one star from this book. Highly recommended.
If you were never one to roam the bars until the early hours of the morning and wonder what those after-hours lives are like, this book will be an education. Sapala wastes no time, grabbing you by the collar and hauling you along with her into places that would scare the crap out of most people. While reading the book I felt like I was a ghost, hovering just behind the author and watching everything unfold, at times hunching and cringing, watching inescapable calamity ensue in slow motion. Only a brave person could write such material, exposing psychological and physical transgressions for the world to read (and, doubtless in many cases, judge).
This is not a book for the squeamish, but it provides a fascinating insight into the motivation and behaviors of those suffering with addiction. Throw away any notion of a happy ending, at least with this book. You won't watch "Leah" skip off into the sunset having completed a 12-step process.
It's not all bad news, though, and there are times you'll have to laugh. And there is of course hope; after all, the author survived to write this book. I have Lauren Sapala's subsequent work, "West is San Francisco", which takes the story further; if this book is any indication, I'll love that book, too.
To finish where I began, I would highly recommend this book to new writers...it's in your interest to read what may be outside your comfort zone and take a rare opportunity to be inside someone else's head. Also, there’s so very much to draw from in terms of the characters' personalities and traits, and the entire book is an education in the use of metaphors, similes and knowing how to keep a reader turning the pages. If only more writers could ply their art so well. I could not find one reason to take even one star from this book. Highly recommended.
April 4, 2022
Haunting Gorgeousity
Hunting for transgressive literature that lives up to the genre's best is, unfortunately, never easy. Between shock for shock's value books, cartoonish gore, and "oh, it was all a dream" BS cop-out explanations of "bad behavior", oh, and some of the more famous transgressive authors who think shoving a carrot up your keister is the height of transgression and shock, the whole search process becomes littered with half-read kindle disasters.
Then, every so often, you stumble upon a gem. A story that bursts through the muddy waters of sub-par transgressive lit, and blows those trite offerings out of the water.
Between the Shadow and Lo is one of those rare gems.
From the opening lines "I let Lo in because I thought she loved me. Isn't that why you let each of them in sooner or later?" to her description of her one-sided love of Jared "an easy understanding wrapped in torturous difficulty" to her cut-to-the bone analysis of how people like us live, "It seemd to me that, really, what we all wanted was to feel like no one else could replace us, but we secretly believed anyone could,” the story unfolds like a series of jabs from a world champion boxer. However, mixed in with those short, stiff, stunning revelations are Mike Tyson-esque flurries that leave the reader dazed, heartbroken, and aching for more.
This book is Bukowski for the modern age. However, Sapala's willingness to slit herself open and let even the obsidian darkness pour onto the page with reckless truth, surpasses Ol’Hank.
Read this book today. If I could give it 6-stars, I'd give it 7.
Hunting for transgressive literature that lives up to the genre's best is, unfortunately, never easy. Between shock for shock's value books, cartoonish gore, and "oh, it was all a dream" BS cop-out explanations of "bad behavior", oh, and some of the more famous transgressive authors who think shoving a carrot up your keister is the height of transgression and shock, the whole search process becomes littered with half-read kindle disasters.
Then, every so often, you stumble upon a gem. A story that bursts through the muddy waters of sub-par transgressive lit, and blows those trite offerings out of the water.
Between the Shadow and Lo is one of those rare gems.
From the opening lines "I let Lo in because I thought she loved me. Isn't that why you let each of them in sooner or later?" to her description of her one-sided love of Jared "an easy understanding wrapped in torturous difficulty" to her cut-to-the bone analysis of how people like us live, "It seemd to me that, really, what we all wanted was to feel like no one else could replace us, but we secretly believed anyone could,” the story unfolds like a series of jabs from a world champion boxer. However, mixed in with those short, stiff, stunning revelations are Mike Tyson-esque flurries that leave the reader dazed, heartbroken, and aching for more.
This book is Bukowski for the modern age. However, Sapala's willingness to slit herself open and let even the obsidian darkness pour onto the page with reckless truth, surpasses Ol’Hank.
Read this book today. If I could give it 6-stars, I'd give it 7.
December 16, 2020
Lo and I would’ve been friends and probably found a lot of trouble together. And I also think, there’s a “Lo” inside each of us. Some hide it well, some not so much.
Either way, Lauren takes you on an intense journey with a desperate and damaged alcoholic making her way through the seedy streets and bars of Seattle.
This isn’t a story of recovery. This isn’t a story where our leading character finds herself heroically, saving the day and herself. This is a story of real and raw human fuck-ups; the kind we rarely talk about; the kind we hide in shame.
It’s time to start talking about it and Lauren Sapala does it beautifully. Highly recommend. Like, seriously.
Either way, Lauren takes you on an intense journey with a desperate and damaged alcoholic making her way through the seedy streets and bars of Seattle.
This isn’t a story of recovery. This isn’t a story where our leading character finds herself heroically, saving the day and herself. This is a story of real and raw human fuck-ups; the kind we rarely talk about; the kind we hide in shame.
It’s time to start talking about it and Lauren Sapala does it beautifully. Highly recommend. Like, seriously.
November 22, 2021
Can’t wait to read sequel!
A slow burn w/ pages of literal and emotional projectile vomiting, scenes of meth heads casually spitting up teeth in a rock club and breaking into your own house in a state of elevating drunken madness. For such a pragmatic and poetic thinker, this drunk is dead-on in phrasing and pacing. Between the Shadow is a drinking diary of Leah’s unwanted alter ego as a super sullen Seattle Shore dramateer, Lo. Trepidation trails yet goads you to read on, worrying what bodily harm she may inflict on herself or others.
A slow burn w/ pages of literal and emotional projectile vomiting, scenes of meth heads casually spitting up teeth in a rock club and breaking into your own house in a state of elevating drunken madness. For such a pragmatic and poetic thinker, this drunk is dead-on in phrasing and pacing. Between the Shadow is a drinking diary of Leah’s unwanted alter ego as a super sullen Seattle Shore dramateer, Lo. Trepidation trails yet goads you to read on, worrying what bodily harm she may inflict on herself or others.
August 17, 2020
Beautifully written and intense!
As I read this book, I felt like I could have been one of the characters on this wild ride of addiction. I saw many of my friends there too...struggling at this thing called life. Beautifully written, Lo punches you in the gut and smacks you in the face!
As I read this book, I felt like I could have been one of the characters on this wild ride of addiction. I saw many of my friends there too...struggling at this thing called life. Beautifully written, Lo punches you in the gut and smacks you in the face!
March 27, 2021
I confess to not understanding why people drink and finding the whole "drinking to excess" to be offputting. As a result, I expected to despise Leah and gang. Shockingly, I fell in love with Leah and her cast of crazy characters. What a heartbreaking life to live and story to tell. Absolutely enthralling, though!
October 15, 2020
Colorfully Transgressive
This was the most transparent, honest book I've ever read. Lauren did a wonderful job painting wild scenes and haphazard situations. I'm unequivocally inspired and look forward to reading the sequel!
This was the most transparent, honest book I've ever read. Lauren did a wonderful job painting wild scenes and haphazard situations. I'm unequivocally inspired and look forward to reading the sequel!
January 12, 2025
Loved it. Raw and gorgeous
June 29, 2018
When I received Between the Shadow and Lo by Lauren Sapala in a Goodreads giveaway for my honest review, I was leery. I have no personal experience with addiction so I was unsure really how I would immerse myself in the story.
Between the Shadow and Lo is an autobiographical novel of Lauren Sapala’s battle with alcoholism in the seedy underbelly of Seattle Washington. It is raw and beautifully written with a brutal and sometimes uncomfortable honesty that assaults your ideas of addiction. The repetition of drink, sex, blackout, hangover, repeat can appear monotonous to the reader, but it actually displays the mindset of the addict and the all consuming relinquishment substance abuse provides. The struggle the author has with her addition and her alter ego Lo are raw and uncomfortable and her self loathing can be heartbreaking at times. Her world is surrounded by other addicts of different modalities, legal issues, and superficial and sexual relationships that are not for the faint of heart. While this book is not for a breezy day at the beach, I can see it working its way into the collegiate scene possibly to be discussed in advancing psychology or literature classes. While not my typical reading choice, I think that this book will go far to impact readers in years to come. I think it was wonderfully written, but not a story I could sink my teeth into. Pick it up. Let me know what you think! Happy reading!
Read more of my reviews at thebabblingbookblog.com
Between the Shadow and Lo is an autobiographical novel of Lauren Sapala’s battle with alcoholism in the seedy underbelly of Seattle Washington. It is raw and beautifully written with a brutal and sometimes uncomfortable honesty that assaults your ideas of addiction. The repetition of drink, sex, blackout, hangover, repeat can appear monotonous to the reader, but it actually displays the mindset of the addict and the all consuming relinquishment substance abuse provides. The struggle the author has with her addition and her alter ego Lo are raw and uncomfortable and her self loathing can be heartbreaking at times. Her world is surrounded by other addicts of different modalities, legal issues, and superficial and sexual relationships that are not for the faint of heart. While this book is not for a breezy day at the beach, I can see it working its way into the collegiate scene possibly to be discussed in advancing psychology or literature classes. While not my typical reading choice, I think that this book will go far to impact readers in years to come. I think it was wonderfully written, but not a story I could sink my teeth into. Pick it up. Let me know what you think! Happy reading!
Read more of my reviews at thebabblingbookblog.com
August 1, 2023
“Walking up and down Aurora, friendless and without a drink in the middle of the night, can make you straight up want to put a gun to your head.”
—Lauren Sapala
—Lauren Sapala
April 10, 2019
Twisted and ugly, damaged souls stalk the shadows finding like souls, exacting vengance on an abusive world by torturing themselves and one another. This book is not for the faint of heart. It is a stark and brutal illustration of the pain, the anguish, the self-loathing, and the resigned hopelessness of a tormented addict. For anyone who has ever questioned why addicts remain addicts - for those who believe that removing oneself from such a state is a simple matter of determining to do so - read this book. It is not a simple matter. Damaged souls have been taught by experience to think and react differently from those of us who consider ourselves either normal, or, at least less damaged than th0se haunting lifes dark places. Be cautious of your condemnations lest your own insecurities, trampled values, and sundered emotions lead you down this same tortured path. That Leah's journey should ever lead her to a brighter future seems an impossibiity. And yet.. Perhaps strength to change, even if only incrementally, can be found in strange places and under unexpected circumstances. Perhaps.
Want to read
May 1, 2019Placeholder
I won this book via Goodreads Giveaways.
I won this book via Goodreads Giveaways.
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