The Art of Everyday Assertiveness: Speak Up. Say No. Set Boundaries. Take Back Control.

by Patrick King

Stand your ground without guilt, fear, or awkward tension. Finally get what you deserve and stop “letting it slide”.Who is making your daily choices for you? Make sure you possess the everyday assertiveness to choose for yourself and resist the pressures you’re bound to come across. You’ve put yourself last your entire life. It’s time for that to change.Stop enabling, people pleasing, and being so “agreeable.”The Art of Everyday Assertiveness is a guide for the chronically “nice,” “overwhelmed,” and “accommodating”. It is a deep psychological dive into what makes us lack assertiveness, and how to systematically combat those compulsions. It’s a book that stands apart from others because of the plethora of real life examples and solutions. If your problem is assertiveness, you’ll find the step by step answer in this book - included is a 28-day Assertiveness Action Plan unlike any other.Gain respect, set boundaries, and ask for what you really want.Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience. He’s also a recovering people pleaser who knows exactly how it feels to feel unable to speak his mind.Stop putting others first and being taken advantage of.•How to balance assertiveness, accommodation, and agreeableness.•How to practice self-acceptance, prioritization, and empathy.•The instinct to over-apologize and how to fix it.•The reasons that keep you compliant and willing.How to decisively say NO and reclaim your time and energy.•How to ask for exactly what you want, when you want it.•Saying NO with impact and grace.•Understanding your subconscious thought patterns and beliefs.Who are you living your life for? Hopefully, yourself.Assertiveness is the first step to creating the life you want - not the life someone else wants for you, or taking care of someone else’s to-do list.What makes you happy? Do that. What makes you unhappy? Avoid that. If other people interfere with this simple credo, assertiveness is what will save the day.Take back control of your life by scrolling up and clicking the BUY NOW button!

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Communication, Mental Health, Relationships

220 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2018

About the author

Patrick King is a Social Interaction Specialist, in other words, a dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California, and has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com. He’s also a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author with the most popular online dating book on the market, and writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships.

He focuses on using his emotional intelligence and understanding of human interaction to break down emotional barriers, instill confidence, and equip people with the tools they need for success. No pickup artistry and no gimmicks, simply a thorough mastery of human psychology delivered with a dose of real talk, perfected and honed through three years of law school.

Reviews

[Marco Neves · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good read, but a bit too common sensy.

I would like to see how much of the content is based on real evidence and how much of it is purely based on the author's opinion.

[Mrtfalls · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book actually quite useful and to the point. While I am bit sceptical about some of the psychology journal references he points to back up his argument, I think on the whole it is a good book for anyone who wants to get better at understanding what assertiveness is and how to be more assertive.

Unfortunately, I find a lot of these self-help books are directed at an audience where people aspire to career progression or being some kind of hot-shot business person. However, when it comes to being assertive I think it is a very powerful communication style to develop when it comes also to political engagement e.g. if you are a union rep or political activist where you need to interact with a lot of different people.

As with all self-help books, they cannot replace actually getting professionalhelp. Definitely read this book, but more self exploration through therapy is really important when it comes to digging in deeper about your own emotional, thought and behavioural patterns.

[Gizbilimci · Rating 2 out of 5]

Might be a good read for people who need to hear that they need to set boundaries and make them clear. For those who pick up the book already knowing that they need this but don't know how, the book is not useful. This is a reason to not like self development books; they are often not helpful for putting those great ideas they promote in practice. Still not 1 star because I imagine for a lot of people hearing again and again that they matter and that they should put their own interests first is necessary.

[Marcelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent read

A balanced approach to putting one's needs first. I recommend for those who feel the need to smile or laugh when they don't feel like it.

[Racquel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Concise, thorough, and easy to follow.

[Madeleine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and learned a lot. It’s strengths are its theory, readability, and practical applications. The month-long practice guide at the end is also very good. I didn’t rate it higher because I thought the examples of certain behaviors and types were lacking. I think more examples focused on parent-child interactions and spouse interactions would have strengthened the book and widened its applicability beyond the friend- and workplace- examples that it uses the most.

[Garrett Zecker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patrick King’s Art of Everyday Assertiveness was recommended to me along with a second book that I will be reading soon. It is an excellent, straight-to-the-point primer that can be digested relatively quickly. It has some very important and effective strategies for recognizing where one’s boundaries are currently, how various factors in our lives have led us to where we are, and the ways in which having poor personal boundaries can negatively impact every area of our lives. After identifying where we’re at, the book uses a straightforward approach to presenting strategies and using them in our day to day lives, as well as a one-month suggested timeline for executing a variety of activities to slowly build up our assertiveness and being aware of what we are doing through cognitive behavior therapy / exposure therapy. Little by little, one can reclaim their independence and freedom from the toxic takers in our lives by simply examining where we are at, and what we need to do to get to the next step of the freedom, respect, and assertiveness we all deserve from others. It sounds crazy, but I am seeing how my own behaviors have wrecked relationships of mine and in turn wrecked me, and I am not going to live like it any more thanks to regular therapy and King’s great book. Easy to read – can kill it in a couple of sittings, but I found myself dipping in and revisiting some parts quite often afterward. The book comes with an easy-to-use outline topic summary at the end.

[Spellbind Consensus]

"The Art of Everyday Assertiveness" focuses on empowering individuals to communicate clearly, confidently, and respectfully in daily interactions. It teaches readers how to assert themselves without being aggressive or passive, emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-respect.

The book explores the psychological and social reasons behind people-pleasing behaviors, such as fear of conflict or rejection, and offers practical techniques to overcome them. It encourages readers to recognize their own needs, express them honestly, and stand firm in their decisions—especially when saying “no.”

Core principles include understanding one’s rights, using assertive body language and tone, and learning to manage guilt or discomfort associated with assertive behavior. Real-life scenarios and examples illustrate how to apply these skills in relationships, work, and social settings.

Ultimately, the guide promotes self-empowerment by showing how assertiveness leads to better self-esteem, stronger relationships, and a greater sense of personal control.

[Sergii Boiko · Rating 5 out of 5]

What is Assertiveness?
- Ability to say “no”
- Ability to say “yes”, if you really want to
- Making your needs and desires a priority for yourself
- Respecting needs and desires of other people
- Having clear understanding of your needs for you and for other people
- Achieving a “win-win” interaction and relationship
- Boosting your self-esteem
- Living a happier and more fulfilling life

Sounds like something you wanna learn? Then you should definitely check out this book!

The book has a clear structure, funny pictures all over to make the understanding of the material better. Also a 27-day practice program, making sure that all those new knowledge will not perish away, like it happens with most of self-help books.

[Lili Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great tips with notable reminders, such as:

“Assertiveness is the freedom to choose what I want to do and not be beholden to people, places, and things.”
“Remind ourselves of what we’re missing out on in our lives-what’s at stake. It is anything but trivial, and it compounds on a daily basis if you don’t speak up.”
“You’ll never be able to stop other people asking something of you, but you always have the power to say no . . . you can control your own behavior.”
-It’s your right to say no without excuses, to change your mind, to say “I don’t know.”Just because you have an ability or skill doesn’t mean other people are privileged to it.

[Karanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm going to give this 3 stars because there are genuinely useful things in this book for passive aggressive, people-pleasing doormats (of which I WAS but currently doing better)

That being said, I can honestly say I did not enjoy reading this book (look at me, being contradictory and assertive! I did say the book was useful).

I did not enjoy the writing style. There were a lot of words used but the concepts remained vague in some areas. Some of the examples were "meh" and a lot of the situations need more clarifications.

Anyway, it's not for me.

[Rohit Kaushik · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read an awful lot of books on confidence and assertiveness in the past few months. This one included being quite good. If I could put it down simply, the most important thing I have learnt from these books, and that is confidence and assertiveness is a skill and something that we can work on. You are your own authority and the only one you should be answerable to. The book also talks about how negative feeling we get when we think we are letting down people if we are assertive and speaking up for ourselves hold us from being bold and assertive.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easily accessible book for those who struggle to set boundaries, in a personal or professional environment.
It's a good starter book on developing confidence, and offers good examples and theories. Included are effective strategies for recognising one's boundaries and how they can impact every aspect of our lives. Included is a one month timeline/program set of activities and strategies to slowly help build up personal assertiveness and put into practice what has been discussed in the book.

[Ziyad Saloojee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having only read a few selected chapters, namely discovering the style of communication I usually employ and the last chapter on practical tips for becoming more assertive this book provided some useful takeways whilst not really providing any new insights. I think most people reading it can selectively read chapters relevant to them and need not read the book in its entirety as there is bound to be alot of repetition.

[Jennifer Trimble · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's like this book was written for me! Well parts of it anyway. I struggle to say no to people and end up being taken advantage of. This book has so many helpful tips and example phrases that can be used to communicate better. I bought the ebook version so I could digitally highlight portions to look bad on when I'm in a situation that requires assertiveness. I'll be reading this day's other self help books soon.

[Katherine Kehres · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clear and concise. Read it over multiple weeks with a coworker. We compared notes and discussed how different parts spoke to us for different reasons. Good book for someone like me who is typically and naturally the introvertive, people-pleasing, avoids confrontation type of person. I maybe didn't agree with every antidote noted, like some examples were maybe extreme, but it got me thinking for sure.

[Elena Problem · Rating 4 out of 5]

В принципе, неплохая книжка. Порадовало, что не льют воду ведрами как это часто любят делать в селф хелп литературе. Важно: книжка, скорее, для начинающих, а не для тех, кто уже умеет постоять за себя.

Серебряную пулю, как всегда, не предлагают, но в конце книги есть план на месяц, как учиться говорить "нет" и выстраивать свои границы.

Заранее предупреждают, что по пути можно растерять пару-тройку "друзей".

[Melissa Michelle]

My boss said I needed to learn how to be more assertive so I found this book.

I found this book to be quite helpful. I will go back and re-read as needed. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to learn how to be assertive. There is a small assessment toward the end where you answer questions to determine your communication style. I was a bit surprised that my communication style actually was assertive. Perhaps I have gained more confidence in myself by changing some of my thoughts.

[Janet Wale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good ideas and very helpful

I liked the no nonsense approach of this book. Helpful if your confidence is low or you are going through a particularly bad phase in I your life and need some ideas on how to build
yourself back up. I think that everyone will recognise some aspect of behaviour that has not helped them achieve what they want from life with good ideas on how to try and get to a better place.

[Vikram · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is awesome book which teach us loving ourselves

What I got in this book is standing up for myself, being clear and direct when sharing my thoughts and feelings, protecting my rights without taking away the rights of other people.
And most important one is "self compassion"❤

[Laura Hassett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very to the point and easy to digest, I felt emotional and sad at points reading this because so much of it sounded just like me (and probably hence why I needed to read it in the first place!). I think this is a good introduction into identifying and recognising your own lack of assertiveness, and sets a good foundation for me to now read more in-depth books on this.

[Nikunj Modi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book outlines exactly how people pleasing attitude can make your life miserable and do more harm than good. The book seems repetitive at times however, it’s still worth reading. My favorite chapter was how to say no without tension. It had lot of practical guidelines for people who struggle a lot to say in their daily lives.

[María Quiles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfecto para poner en prácticas las lecciones sencillas sobre asertividad desde una perspectiva de tomar el control de tu vida a partir de poner límites claros en función de tus valores, buscando el control de tu vida y aceptando que la respuesta de los demás no la puedes controlar y que es una proyección de lo que son ellos mismos y no de que tus límites no son correctos

[Pavitran Perumandla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liked the way author provides different scenarios

Very good book to read. Really lots of good points. Of course, we have to take what is relevant to us personally, as not everything will be.

[Filipe Salgueiro · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is more 2,5 stars than 3 stars. I found this book to be so obvious in what it had written, just common sense. I'm pretty sure there is some TED talk (or similar) on YouTube that will give you the same information as this book

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes it’s common sense but it’s easy to forget the tips in this book. Reminds you to not forget your needs. Your physical and mental well being takes precedence. Balance it all. Yes do your duty. Give. But take time to chill out.

[Samanta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good for people who have struggle saying no. There’s a line from the book that stuck with me, remember No is a complete sentence. It’s a must read for everyone, having a chapter for communication styles and how we can use them effectively.

[Alex Bishop · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing groundbreaking. I tried to make notes on any big learning points, but only pulling out two sentences. It did achieve the goal of focusing my attention in my assertiveness and spotting situations where I could do better.

[Lena Keeler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear cut, straight to the point and brutal honesty.
Just as I needed to hear.
Enjoyed this book, going to take the advice into action.
No more people pleasing or putting my needs aside to appease others who don’t even care regardless.
Me first always
Me me me !

[Amro Magdi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good quick guide on how to be less civilized and polite to be able to cope with the mob.