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Undisordered: An Eating Disorder Story
undisordered is the story of Julia Mazzucato, an American teenager, activist, and survivor of anorexia nervosa. This memoir explores the struggles and complex truths of mental illness and eating disorders and documents the fight through recovery. Author Julia Mazzucato's confessional tale reveals the story of how her eating disorder developed, her battle with mental illness, anxiety, depression, and her recovery process of reconciling her body and mind once more. This intimate account of a raw struggle and courageous recovery delves into the deeply entrenched eating disorder culture around the world and the triggers existing in everyday society, and reflects on the ever-changing society and the future of how we look at mental illness and eating disorders in an ever-progressing world.
118 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 19, 2018
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88 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
August 21, 2019
After reading this book I can not get my thoughts straight about how I felt because this was one of the worst book about eating disorders I have ever read. It's so triggering if you are some one who suffers from an eating. I saw no need to include pictures, numbers etc. She could have still have written the book without all that information. It felt like the whole time she was trying to make it seem like she was the was proud of how sick she got and needed to include that in the book to prove she was "the sickest." It's ironic though how she included a whole chapter about triggers and the whole book was one big trigger. She talked about how magazine pictures and actresses diets help start her eating disorder, but her book was the same. Some young girl could read this book and look at the pictures and numbers and feel the same. As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder for most of their life I really don't get that triggered often anymore but this book just rubbed me the wrong way. This might not make any sense because I don't know really how to get my point across.
July 28, 2019
I rarely have the energy to write reviews but this one I feel is important to make a note about. While I do have so much love and respect for Julia and her amazing recovery, this book is very triggering. I went into it knowing it was written by a young girl still learning and figuring things out. She is clearly very intelligent and articulate and i agreed with so much of what she had to say about how eating disorders are viewed by society. However, the graphic depictions of specific behaviors are triggering for those who actively have eating disorders or have had them in the past. Numbers came up a lot which is another big NO for those in the eating disorder community. The pictures were also not necessary and can serve as potential thinspo. There were many typos throughout the book and it made it look unprofessional and rushed. It definitely reads more like a bunch of blog posts than a book.
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April 7, 2020I love Julia’s YouTube channel and think her content is great. This book, although it was her honest story, was triggering. I think it would have been beneficial to explore different triggers, especially since a whole section of the book dealt with triggers. For example, I find the numbers, measurements, etc that she included very triggering and I know other people do too. While I think everyone has the right to share their story in whatever way is the most authentic to them, I think it was hypocritical to have a section on triggers while including a lot of triggering things in this book. Overall I would say read this book at your own risk and don’t be afraid to stop if you start feeling triggered by the topics.
December 11, 2023
Relatable
I have my issues and this made me not feel so alone. Similar to Jennette McCurdys I'm glad my mom died. Would recommend to those who have/had or know someone with an eating disorder.
I have my issues and this made me not feel so alone. Similar to Jennette McCurdys I'm glad my mom died. Would recommend to those who have/had or know someone with an eating disorder.
July 19, 2018
Not bad, as far as these things go—decent writing and a reasonable amount of perspective. For some reason there are notes that I initially thought were footnotes but appear instead to be editorial comments (back-and-forth between Mazzucato and an early reader?), but otherwise the editing's okay. The structure gets a little shaky (can't quite decide whether it wants to be chronological or thematic), but I appreciate that the emphasis is recovery, not illness itself. (Although...I find it pretty weird when writers make sure to include multiple photos of themselves at very low weights but not at a healthy weight—makes me ask questions about shame and pride and what recovery means, really.)
On another note, Mazzucato says this of her father, and I found it pretty durn fascinating: He felt like a failure as a father and as a man. He couldn’t keep his daughter safe. He couldn’t keep her from killing herself. And that is why he still denies it to this day. When we’d go to doctor’s appointments, a nurse uneducated in my situation might look at my chart and see a sharp weight drop followed by a slow increase, and ask if I had an eating disorder, to which he’d raise both eyebrows, shake his head, and say, “No, no eating disorder!” with a slight chuckle and nervous glance at me. (11)
I imagine this isn't an uncommon thing—certainly many, many people don't want to see things that are right in front of them. But it's sad, too. Would the same be the case with some other kind of illness, either mental or physical? Complicated things.
On another note, Mazzucato says this of her father, and I found it pretty durn fascinating: He felt like a failure as a father and as a man. He couldn’t keep his daughter safe. He couldn’t keep her from killing herself. And that is why he still denies it to this day. When we’d go to doctor’s appointments, a nurse uneducated in my situation might look at my chart and see a sharp weight drop followed by a slow increase, and ask if I had an eating disorder, to which he’d raise both eyebrows, shake his head, and say, “No, no eating disorder!” with a slight chuckle and nervous glance at me. (11)
I imagine this isn't an uncommon thing—certainly many, many people don't want to see things that are right in front of them. But it's sad, too. Would the same be the case with some other kind of illness, either mental or physical? Complicated things.
January 4, 2022
TW: Eating Disorders
warning, i am not a mental health professional
i decided not to finish it at 70%, because it was too triggering. i’m writing a review anyway, because i have so many thoughts on this piece of shit.
first of all, stuff i liked:
-i liked the inclusivity, and frankly, i was surprised on it. the author touches on how eating disorders are overlooked but very common in men and people of color. she even mentioned the issue of trans and non-binary people developing eating disorders because of the turmoil they face. i was impressed by that. she goes into how eating disorders occur in anyone, regardless of socio-economical status, race, age, gender, size, etc. that was cool.
-the majority of the “what not to say to someone with an eating disorder” chapter
-her approach to recovery was the same as mine: slow and steady. it was cool to hear someone recover the same way i did, at home, alone and carefully. for most people, it doesn’t work. for the author and me, it did.
stuff i hated:
-the inclusion of numbers. the author goes into how her eating disorder started with seeing calorie counts of celebrities’ diets on a magazine. it triggered her greatly, so much so that it began her eating disorder. then, she goes on to LIST the calorie counts, and her everyday calorie count goal when she was sick. numbers are constant: how many pills she took, what food she ate, calories of the food she ate… it’s just ridiculous and the most ignorant thing i’ve seen in my entire life. no, not ignorance, because she KNOWS how hurtful it is, yet she still chooses to include it. i think i know why. eating disorders are addictive and competitive, and i think her eating disorder had a hand in how she wrote this book. i think her eating disorder wanted to prove to the world just how bad it was, and so she included numbers. this doesn’t mean that eating disorder books can’t be raw and real, but they have to be careful about it. and it isn’t “raw and real” to list your calorie count. it’s just irresponsible.
-the writing. she attempted a linear timeline, but it was the worst attempt i’ve ever seen. it was impossible to follow. she broke the fourth wall constantly, like, “i write more about my reason for recovery in chapter 10, but for now, let’s move on,” (which isn’t a direct quote, but nearly). the writing came off as so, SO immature. also, the repetition of certain sentences. it was unintentional, clearly. once again, her eating disorder wanted to prove how bad it was. if i had a drink every time she said, “i was near dead/dying/killing myself” i would be blacked out. there was NO plot development. she talks about what started her eating disorder, and then, in the next chapter, she’s already (seemingly BRAGGING) about how she was “dying.” when writing an eating disorder book, the goal isn’t to TELL, it’s to show, so much so that your writer feels like they’re there, but not too much that it’s harmful. easy ways to do this are to use the five senses. what did it smell like when your mom weighed you? how did her touch feel as she helped you on to the scale? did you smell anything?
-eating disorders are about so much more than food, and this book was all about the food. it was all about what happened, and not how it FELT.
i could write more, but i won’t. this book sucked.
warning, i am not a mental health professional
i decided not to finish it at 70%, because it was too triggering. i’m writing a review anyway, because i have so many thoughts on this piece of shit.
first of all, stuff i liked:
-i liked the inclusivity, and frankly, i was surprised on it. the author touches on how eating disorders are overlooked but very common in men and people of color. she even mentioned the issue of trans and non-binary people developing eating disorders because of the turmoil they face. i was impressed by that. she goes into how eating disorders occur in anyone, regardless of socio-economical status, race, age, gender, size, etc. that was cool.
-the majority of the “what not to say to someone with an eating disorder” chapter
-her approach to recovery was the same as mine: slow and steady. it was cool to hear someone recover the same way i did, at home, alone and carefully. for most people, it doesn’t work. for the author and me, it did.
stuff i hated:
-the inclusion of numbers. the author goes into how her eating disorder started with seeing calorie counts of celebrities’ diets on a magazine. it triggered her greatly, so much so that it began her eating disorder. then, she goes on to LIST the calorie counts, and her everyday calorie count goal when she was sick. numbers are constant: how many pills she took, what food she ate, calories of the food she ate… it’s just ridiculous and the most ignorant thing i’ve seen in my entire life. no, not ignorance, because she KNOWS how hurtful it is, yet she still chooses to include it. i think i know why. eating disorders are addictive and competitive, and i think her eating disorder had a hand in how she wrote this book. i think her eating disorder wanted to prove to the world just how bad it was, and so she included numbers. this doesn’t mean that eating disorder books can’t be raw and real, but they have to be careful about it. and it isn’t “raw and real” to list your calorie count. it’s just irresponsible.
-the writing. she attempted a linear timeline, but it was the worst attempt i’ve ever seen. it was impossible to follow. she broke the fourth wall constantly, like, “i write more about my reason for recovery in chapter 10, but for now, let’s move on,” (which isn’t a direct quote, but nearly). the writing came off as so, SO immature. also, the repetition of certain sentences. it was unintentional, clearly. once again, her eating disorder wanted to prove how bad it was. if i had a drink every time she said, “i was near dead/dying/killing myself” i would be blacked out. there was NO plot development. she talks about what started her eating disorder, and then, in the next chapter, she’s already (seemingly BRAGGING) about how she was “dying.” when writing an eating disorder book, the goal isn’t to TELL, it’s to show, so much so that your writer feels like they’re there, but not too much that it’s harmful. easy ways to do this are to use the five senses. what did it smell like when your mom weighed you? how did her touch feel as she helped you on to the scale? did you smell anything?
-eating disorders are about so much more than food, and this book was all about the food. it was all about what happened, and not how it FELT.
i could write more, but i won’t. this book sucked.
May 4, 2024
I could not believe how well written this was - most eating disorder memoirs lack in such finesse and dare I say poetic verse, although I do understand this is ironic at best to even pair the words 'poetic' and 'disordered eating'.
On F. Scott Fitzgerald: his pain echoed through the pages as he wrote and rewrote the one story for which he could never possibly write an ending.
I sat there looking at the Hawaiian sunset. THe sky had changed from golden to beautiful shades of pink, orange, red, and amber.
The palm trees swayed in the breeze and the ocean sparkled.
Heaven was a place on earth. I just had to choose to stay there.
And I thought to myself, the world really is beautiful.
Eating disorders have nothing to do with the romanticized image of iron-clad will, forcing us into starvation and self-hate. My mental illness wields absolute power over me and my actions.
The truth remains that nothing about disordered eating or any mental illness is a choice.
It is not a manifestation of my vanity and shallow ideals. It feeds off the deep seated insecurities I carry in my schema. It warps my brain chemistry to interfere in every day activities. It tears my life down around me...I have no willpower. I wish I could will myself to live again, to be happy. But I am sick and I never wanted to be.
On F. Scott Fitzgerald: his pain echoed through the pages as he wrote and rewrote the one story for which he could never possibly write an ending.
I sat there looking at the Hawaiian sunset. THe sky had changed from golden to beautiful shades of pink, orange, red, and amber.
The palm trees swayed in the breeze and the ocean sparkled.
Heaven was a place on earth. I just had to choose to stay there.
And I thought to myself, the world really is beautiful.
Eating disorders have nothing to do with the romanticized image of iron-clad will, forcing us into starvation and self-hate. My mental illness wields absolute power over me and my actions.
The truth remains that nothing about disordered eating or any mental illness is a choice.
It is not a manifestation of my vanity and shallow ideals. It feeds off the deep seated insecurities I carry in my schema. It warps my brain chemistry to interfere in every day activities. It tears my life down around me...I have no willpower. I wish I could will myself to live again, to be happy. But I am sick and I never wanted to be.
November 6, 2020
I see a lot of negative reviews about this book that I truly don't understand the purpose. Julia is sharing her OWN story and HOW she deals with her eating disorder. I don't think the aim of this book was to give any advice whatsoever but I liked it because I could really see the struggle she went through, reading those pages. If you are dealing with an eating disorder, the book might easily trigger you but again Julia is just explaining her OWN personal journey to recovery, which was very interesting in my opinion.
January 19, 2024
4.5 stars:
I think I cried on every single chapter. It was a very genuine and raw story of someone’s struggle. I will say that there are a lot of triggers in this book (numbers, language used, etc) but I knew that going into it.
I took off half a star for the fact that some of the stories were repeated a couple times either in the same chapter or in a different chapter. There were also a few misspelled words, but that didn’t bother me..
I might add more to this review later on.
I think I cried on every single chapter. It was a very genuine and raw story of someone’s struggle. I will say that there are a lot of triggers in this book (numbers, language used, etc) but I knew that going into it.
I took off half a star for the fact that some of the stories were repeated a couple times either in the same chapter or in a different chapter. There were also a few misspelled words, but that didn’t bother me..
I might add more to this review later on.
February 21, 2023
This could be triggering to some.
This was another quick read that I finished in no time. I found myself again relating so much with the author throughout this whole book. I can not stress enough that: you are not alone!
"I poked and prodded and pinched at my abdomen, gathering up the warm skin between my fingers and wishing that I had a knife to cut it all off."
This was another quick read that I finished in no time. I found myself again relating so much with the author throughout this whole book. I can not stress enough that: you are not alone!
"I poked and prodded and pinched at my abdomen, gathering up the warm skin between my fingers and wishing that I had a knife to cut it all off."
February 6, 2023
Motivational story
May 19, 2023
Good points. A little repetitive telling the same scenes of her life more than once
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews