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If Only I Could Tell You
Audrey's family has fallen apart. Her two grown-up daughters, Jess and Lily, are estranged, and her two teenage granddaughters have never been allowed to meet. A secret that echoes back thirty years has splintered the family in two, but is also the one thing keeping them connected.
As tensions reach breaking point, the irrevocable choice that one of them made all those years ago is about to surface. After years of secrets and silence, how can one broken family find their way back to each other?
As tensions reach breaking point, the irrevocable choice that one of them made all those years ago is about to surface. After years of secrets and silence, how can one broken family find their way back to each other?
368 pages, Hardcover
First published February 21, 2019
1478 people are currently reading
24487 people want to read
About the author
Hannah Beckerman
10 books605 followersHannah Beckerman is an author, journalist, event chair and broadcaster. In the UK she writes for a range of publications including The Observer and The FT Weekend Magazine, and appears as a book critic on BBC Radio 2 and Times Radio. She regularly chairs at literary events and panels across the UK and has judged numerous book prizes including the Costa Book Awards.
Before becoming a writer, Hannah was a TV and film producer both in the UK and the US.
She lives in London.
Before becoming a writer, Hannah was a TV and film producer both in the UK and the US.
She lives in London.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,668 reviews
October 5, 2021
5 stars to the writing, story development, pacing
3 stars to the characters Lily and Jess
So final decision: 4 heart-breaking, tear jerker, emotionally heavy, poignant, memorable, dysfunctional stars!
As a start trying to read this book and facing with my own skeletons in the closet were the toughest tasks I lately endured.
I guess all the women readers had shaken tremendously as soon as they start flipping pages because every one of us are mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, granddaughters and when it comes to connect with the same gender, your emotions always speak louder your rational thoughts. Sometimes you may reject to accept each other’s differences or opinions, perspectives, choices which could cause big dramas, insurmountable, devastating consequences in your lives. So “communication” or “trying your best” to “listen” to the others are our keywords to make peace with your own family.
Beckerman chose a really compelling and challenging subject: a broken, battered relationship between sisters and big secret that can change all the balances in the family. Lily seems like she is having all with her successful career, beautiful daughter and supporting husband. On the other hand, Jess is still struggling in her life, trying to raise her kid by herself and working at demanding TV show as local manager. Two sisters’ opinions, decisions, preferences about life are so different. And now their mother Audrey is dying and her last wish is bringing back her daughters together for reconciling.
But of course: After I read two sisters who haven’t been talking each other for a long time and affecting their own children to alienate with each other made me really pissed off. So many times, I just wanted to buy a megaphone and shouted at their ears with maximum volume: “Stop acting childish and start to use real words to communicate!”
So many readers mentioned this book as unputdownable, fast pacing, addictive reading. I truly loved the author’s amazing, emotional words cut through my heart and made me bleed. But I have to say this is one of my hardest readings and I was about to put down this book and take too many long breaths to calm myself down. You know the feeling as the walls come tumbling down and all the pieces inside of you start to crumble slowly, that’s what this book made me feel like.
Of course it’s hard to write something objective because when you deal too many losses and family dramas in your life, there are two options: you became stressful person who hate everybody or you became sarcastic screenwriter who likes to tease with the hand life dealt for her and restrain your urge to slap all those meaningless, obnoxious fictional characters. So you already what I chose! Yes hating people:))
Sometimes miscarriage, suicide, fatal illness, dysfunctional family issues were like six octopus arms attacking to my neck to suffocate me! I had a powerful urge to throw my kindle against the wall and start to sprint out of the house, meet my husband and my friends at my favorite all you can sushi place and devour them till I suffer from mercury poisoning and drink several sake shots to get rid of the bad mood the book gave me.
But later I realized I acted immature spoiled brats like these sisters did. So I grabbed my book and resumed reading. After all the teasing part about the real matter, Pandora’s box opened slowly and big revelation punched me in the face. Did I expect this? Partly but this is more intense than what I foresaw.
Writing is impeccable, heart wrenching, emotional, poignant, realistic, genuine, resembling Jodi Picoult’s writing style but all those heavy feelings I had to deal and all those ugly cries I had were really exhausting, shaking experience for me.
Did I like the book? Definitely yes, it is impossible not to admire the writer’s talent and her approach to those pure emotional, sensitive subjects but if you have dysfunctional relationship or suffering from sudden losses, fatal illnesses in your family, prepare yourself to face with those hurt feelings one more time. This book literally can bleed you, make you sob till you get breathless and make you cry till no tears left to spill.
I know this book recommended by Marian Keyes which is one of my favorite Irish authors which made me remind of rereading “Rachel’s Holiday” and “Anybody Out There” two more times. But I think I’ll do that at least two weeks later because right now I’m one of emotional victims of this author and for recovery I should binge watch “Office” and “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia” episodes over and over again.
Special thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Publishers to share this heart wrenching, emotional ARC COPY with me in exchange my honest review.
3 stars to the characters Lily and Jess
So final decision: 4 heart-breaking, tear jerker, emotionally heavy, poignant, memorable, dysfunctional stars!
As a start trying to read this book and facing with my own skeletons in the closet were the toughest tasks I lately endured.
I guess all the women readers had shaken tremendously as soon as they start flipping pages because every one of us are mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, granddaughters and when it comes to connect with the same gender, your emotions always speak louder your rational thoughts. Sometimes you may reject to accept each other’s differences or opinions, perspectives, choices which could cause big dramas, insurmountable, devastating consequences in your lives. So “communication” or “trying your best” to “listen” to the others are our keywords to make peace with your own family.
Beckerman chose a really compelling and challenging subject: a broken, battered relationship between sisters and big secret that can change all the balances in the family. Lily seems like she is having all with her successful career, beautiful daughter and supporting husband. On the other hand, Jess is still struggling in her life, trying to raise her kid by herself and working at demanding TV show as local manager. Two sisters’ opinions, decisions, preferences about life are so different. And now their mother Audrey is dying and her last wish is bringing back her daughters together for reconciling.
But of course: After I read two sisters who haven’t been talking each other for a long time and affecting their own children to alienate with each other made me really pissed off. So many times, I just wanted to buy a megaphone and shouted at their ears with maximum volume: “Stop acting childish and start to use real words to communicate!”
So many readers mentioned this book as unputdownable, fast pacing, addictive reading. I truly loved the author’s amazing, emotional words cut through my heart and made me bleed. But I have to say this is one of my hardest readings and I was about to put down this book and take too many long breaths to calm myself down. You know the feeling as the walls come tumbling down and all the pieces inside of you start to crumble slowly, that’s what this book made me feel like.
Of course it’s hard to write something objective because when you deal too many losses and family dramas in your life, there are two options: you became stressful person who hate everybody or you became sarcastic screenwriter who likes to tease with the hand life dealt for her and restrain your urge to slap all those meaningless, obnoxious fictional characters. So you already what I chose! Yes hating people:))
Sometimes miscarriage, suicide, fatal illness, dysfunctional family issues were like six octopus arms attacking to my neck to suffocate me! I had a powerful urge to throw my kindle against the wall and start to sprint out of the house, meet my husband and my friends at my favorite all you can sushi place and devour them till I suffer from mercury poisoning and drink several sake shots to get rid of the bad mood the book gave me.
But later I realized I acted immature spoiled brats like these sisters did. So I grabbed my book and resumed reading. After all the teasing part about the real matter, Pandora’s box opened slowly and big revelation punched me in the face. Did I expect this? Partly but this is more intense than what I foresaw.
Writing is impeccable, heart wrenching, emotional, poignant, realistic, genuine, resembling Jodi Picoult’s writing style but all those heavy feelings I had to deal and all those ugly cries I had were really exhausting, shaking experience for me.
Did I like the book? Definitely yes, it is impossible not to admire the writer’s talent and her approach to those pure emotional, sensitive subjects but if you have dysfunctional relationship or suffering from sudden losses, fatal illnesses in your family, prepare yourself to face with those hurt feelings one more time. This book literally can bleed you, make you sob till you get breathless and make you cry till no tears left to spill.
I know this book recommended by Marian Keyes which is one of my favorite Irish authors which made me remind of rereading “Rachel’s Holiday” and “Anybody Out There” two more times. But I think I’ll do that at least two weeks later because right now I’m one of emotional victims of this author and for recovery I should binge watch “Office” and “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia” episodes over and over again.
Special thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Publishers to share this heart wrenching, emotional ARC COPY with me in exchange my honest review.
March 10, 2021
Trigger warning: this book talks about serious illness, miscarriage, suicide…
If Only I Could Tell You is a book everyone talked about still in 2018, even though it officially came out few days ago.
Many bloggers said it will be on most people favourite lists for 2019, how emotional and touching it was, and now when the book is released, it’s Goodreads page is full of positive, 5 and 4 stars reviews.
I am aware that I am in minority here, but I have to say I didn’t like this story as much as others. I mean, I do appreciate it, and I do think it was a touching story that talks about so many serious subjects that happen every day and need to be talked about, but I needed some hope from it.
I read books to feel better. I am aware that life is not beautiful, and I also like to read serious book, and hard books, but I like when books have at least one positive thing in the story, a little silver lining hidden between pages.
This book had none.
It was like a punch in the face filled with all the negative things life can bring, with one tragedy after another. And just when the story punched me so hard I was mentally lying on the floor, and I needed that last hope towards the end, it kicked me once again and walked away…
Okay, I know I’m exaggerating, but I hope you got what I mean…
The story follows two sisters, Jess and Lily who have no connection to each other because Jess blames Lily for something that happened in their past, and can’t ever forgive her.
The third character is their mother Audrey who wants to make things right, heal their family before she says her final goodbye.
That is all you have to know before going into the story, because there is so many tragic things that happen in this story, I don’t think any premise can prepare readers for what’s inside.
So many events from the book can be triggering, so be aware of that. Miscarriage, suicide, illness just to name the few…
There was one scene that described miscarriage in such a detailed way that it made me weak. I had to stop reading, skip some pages and then after some time I was ready to continue with the story.
The story is written in third person, following all three main characters’ perspectives.
I think Hannah Beckerman is good author, and I understand why people like her work, but in all honesty, I don’t think she’s the author I’ll come back to. At least not in this point of my life.
However, I have a need to stress out once again that this book is loved by so many readers.
If I should recommend it, I would to readers who like to read tragic and realistic stories.
Read this and more reviews on my blog https://bookdustmagic.com
If Only I Could Tell You is a book everyone talked about still in 2018, even though it officially came out few days ago.
Many bloggers said it will be on most people favourite lists for 2019, how emotional and touching it was, and now when the book is released, it’s Goodreads page is full of positive, 5 and 4 stars reviews.
I am aware that I am in minority here, but I have to say I didn’t like this story as much as others. I mean, I do appreciate it, and I do think it was a touching story that talks about so many serious subjects that happen every day and need to be talked about, but I needed some hope from it.
I read books to feel better. I am aware that life is not beautiful, and I also like to read serious book, and hard books, but I like when books have at least one positive thing in the story, a little silver lining hidden between pages.
This book had none.
It was like a punch in the face filled with all the negative things life can bring, with one tragedy after another. And just when the story punched me so hard I was mentally lying on the floor, and I needed that last hope towards the end, it kicked me once again and walked away…
Okay, I know I’m exaggerating, but I hope you got what I mean…
The story follows two sisters, Jess and Lily who have no connection to each other because Jess blames Lily for something that happened in their past, and can’t ever forgive her.
The third character is their mother Audrey who wants to make things right, heal their family before she says her final goodbye.
That is all you have to know before going into the story, because there is so many tragic things that happen in this story, I don’t think any premise can prepare readers for what’s inside.
So many events from the book can be triggering, so be aware of that. Miscarriage, suicide, illness just to name the few…
There was one scene that described miscarriage in such a detailed way that it made me weak. I had to stop reading, skip some pages and then after some time I was ready to continue with the story.
The story is written in third person, following all three main characters’ perspectives.
I think Hannah Beckerman is good author, and I understand why people like her work, but in all honesty, I don’t think she’s the author I’ll come back to. At least not in this point of my life.
However, I have a need to stress out once again that this book is loved by so many readers.
If I should recommend it, I would to readers who like to read tragic and realistic stories.
Read this and more reviews on my blog https://bookdustmagic.com
May 14, 2020
If Only I Could Tell You left me feeling overwhelmed because of all the issues that it tackled. It was too much for me and I was also frustrated with how the characters handled, or more often, did not address, the issues. So many elephants in the room, that could have been faced and dealt with, to give the family some closure and an ability to grow and move on.
Others did like this book a lot more than I liked it, so I encourage you to check out the various reviews. There are many issues that could be hard for some people to handle and other reviews actually list the individual potential triggers.
Thank you to Goodreads Giveaway and Orion for this ARC.
Others did like this book a lot more than I liked it, so I encourage you to check out the various reviews. There are many issues that could be hard for some people to handle and other reviews actually list the individual potential triggers.
Thank you to Goodreads Giveaway and Orion for this ARC.
September 29, 2019
This was my BOTM for September, and I wanted to love it, as I am sucker for these broken family dramas, but this one was just way too over the top for me.
SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT -- This book covers way too many topics for one (rather short) book: assisted suicide, suicide, coming out, infidelity, cancer, multiple miscarriages. Even re-reading the list makes my head spin. It was just too much for me - tackling a couple of these issues would still have evoked the same type of emotions in the reader that I believe Beckerman was going for, but by throwing everything but the kitchen sink in there, it just didn't work, and I couldn't wait for this roller coaster ride to end.
Also, the "secret" that had torn the sisters apart for 20+ years, was not credible. It all started when the one sister, Jess, was only 10 years old, and it carried on in her head for the next two decades. It's not believable that Jess wouldn't have told someone or tried to get to the bottom of her assumption prior to that time. Perhaps it would have worked more for me had Jess been a likable character; however, she was not. Her actions (and really the actions of both sisters) were so self-absorbed that by the end of the book, I was emotionally unattached to either of of them and didn't really care if they finally reconciled or not. I thought the two granddaughters were the only saving grace of the book.
Due to all of the emotional topics, I think this book is getting better reviews than it deserves. It really is just mediocre. 2 wish-I-could-change-my-BOTM-choice stars.
SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT -- This book covers way too many topics for one (rather short) book: assisted suicide, suicide, coming out, infidelity, cancer, multiple miscarriages. Even re-reading the list makes my head spin. It was just too much for me - tackling a couple of these issues would still have evoked the same type of emotions in the reader that I believe Beckerman was going for, but by throwing everything but the kitchen sink in there, it just didn't work, and I couldn't wait for this roller coaster ride to end.
Also, the "secret" that had torn the sisters apart for 20+ years, was not credible. It all started when the one sister, Jess, was only 10 years old, and it carried on in her head for the next two decades. It's not believable that Jess wouldn't have told someone or tried to get to the bottom of her assumption prior to that time. Perhaps it would have worked more for me had Jess been a likable character; however, she was not. Her actions (and really the actions of both sisters) were so self-absorbed that by the end of the book, I was emotionally unattached to either of of them and didn't really care if they finally reconciled or not. I thought the two granddaughters were the only saving grace of the book.
Due to all of the emotional topics, I think this book is getting better reviews than it deserves. It really is just mediocre. 2 wish-I-could-change-my-BOTM-choice stars.
October 28, 2019
Hannah Beckerman has written a supremely emotional story, seriously this book should come with a box of Kleenex! This book did not break my heart it tore it out of my chest, chewed it up, spit it out, stomped on it a couple times and then slammed it against the wall! When I finish the book I dried my tears, took a deep breath, and just sat there quietly and thought. It is days later now and I’m still thinking about it. This book was a poignant look at one family’s journey to healing. Sisters Lily and Jess have been estranged for over 30 years, something happened all those decades ago and one sister is not able to forgive the other. Their mother Audrey is now ill and wants to find a way for her daughters to reconnect, she has two 17-year-old granddaughters who don’t even know each other. But after decades of secrets and hurt will these sisters even be able to be in the same room?
I’m going to be honest I have no idea if I liked this book or not? It moved me and had a profound effect on me, but it was brutal! This is really a book that begs to be discussed, so if you have read this, please message me, I still have so many questions. I still cannot understand why Audrey just didn’t force the issue and have her daughters talk things out? I cannot imagine I’d allow my kids not to speak to one another for 30 years? This was a family that had gone through so much tragedy they really would have benefited from the support of one another and probably some good therapy. Miss Beckermen’s evocative storytelling was simultaneously beautiful and agonizing. Life is hard and this book does not pull any punches. I don’t usually add trigger warnings but this book deals with a lot of serious issues including illness, miscarriage, and suicide.
This book in emojis: 💔 👩👧👧 🤔 😭
*** A big thanks to William Morrow for my copy of this book ***
I’m going to be honest I have no idea if I liked this book or not? It moved me and had a profound effect on me, but it was brutal! This is really a book that begs to be discussed, so if you have read this, please message me, I still have so many questions. I still cannot understand why Audrey just didn’t force the issue and have her daughters talk things out? I cannot imagine I’d allow my kids not to speak to one another for 30 years? This was a family that had gone through so much tragedy they really would have benefited from the support of one another and probably some good therapy. Miss Beckermen’s evocative storytelling was simultaneously beautiful and agonizing. Life is hard and this book does not pull any punches. I don’t usually add trigger warnings but this book deals with a lot of serious issues including illness, miscarriage, and suicide.
This book in emojis: 💔 👩👧👧 🤔 😭
*** A big thanks to William Morrow for my copy of this book ***
October 29, 2019
Oh, how I love an emotional story of family.
Audrey’s Family is a mess. Her daughters, Jess and Lily, no longer speak to each other, and her granddaughters have never met.
There’s a secret that divides the family, but it’s also a loosely-tied tether that connects them.
Will this broken family ever reconnect?
If Only I Could Tell You is an authentic, sad, somber, and genuine story of sisterhood in all its rawness. Audrey is ill, and she needs the support of both daughters. Will Jess and Lily come together for the sake of their mother?
There’s so much depth I felt like I was reading a memoir and not a work of contemporary fiction. This is definitely a book that requires a box of tissues.
If Only I Could Tell You is a relatable, well-written story, one that is memorable, and the author keeps the tension building as she slowly reveals the secret that tore this family apart. Highly recommended for fans of powerful reads and stories of family.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com
Audrey’s Family is a mess. Her daughters, Jess and Lily, no longer speak to each other, and her granddaughters have never met.
There’s a secret that divides the family, but it’s also a loosely-tied tether that connects them.
Will this broken family ever reconnect?
If Only I Could Tell You is an authentic, sad, somber, and genuine story of sisterhood in all its rawness. Audrey is ill, and she needs the support of both daughters. Will Jess and Lily come together for the sake of their mother?
There’s so much depth I felt like I was reading a memoir and not a work of contemporary fiction. This is definitely a book that requires a box of tissues.
If Only I Could Tell You is a relatable, well-written story, one that is memorable, and the author keeps the tension building as she slowly reveals the secret that tore this family apart. Highly recommended for fans of powerful reads and stories of family.
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com
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October 22, 2019❥ DNF @ 31%
Shoot! I should’ve read trigger warnings of this book first. I knew there might be some unexpected things but I’ve never thought that it would include THISSS. God. I can’t unread what I’ve just read but it would be better if I will no longer continue reading it and find spoilers to read instead.
P.S. I won’t rate this book since it’s not its fault. It’s me. Only me.
(Next time, I’ll read trigger warnings before I start reading any books.)
Shoot! I should’ve read trigger warnings of this book first. I knew there might be some unexpected things but I’ve never thought that it would include THISSS. God. I can’t unread what I’ve just read but it would be better if I will no longer continue reading it and find spoilers to read instead.
P.S. I won’t rate this book since it’s not its fault. It’s me. Only me.
(Next time, I’ll read trigger warnings before I start reading any books.)
March 26, 2022
This is one of the saddest books I’ve ever read. It actually made me feel psychically depressed at times while reading this. This is a contemporary story that follows this mother Audrey, and her adult daughters Jess and Lily don’t speak to each other and their teenage daughters have never met, all because of this secret that happened when they were children. You spend the story trying to figure out what happened to their family, and along the way you get your heart broken into pieces.
This book is being compared to one of my favorite tv shows This Is Us and I can honestly see why - it’s a family drama that makes you cry your eyes out. I will warn you though that this book has some very triggering things in it like: many many things. This book was not easy to read, at times it felt so heavy on my heart I wasn’t sure if I could continue reading - it made my stomach upset.
But wow, this is one hell of a story. The only reason I knocked off a star is because the writing kind of got repetitive to me at times, every time the author wanted to write a flashback scene - there would be a chapter before of the character doing something irrelevant and then something reminds them of said flashback and then we go into it - and it just felt like filler to me and got annoying and repetitive. I know that’s super nit-picky but it bothered me. I also found some of the story to be a bit predictable, but there were also many things that I was shocked by.
The ending of this book made me cry, but what a great ending wow. I don’t think this book could have ended any other way it was *chefs kiss* perfect. After I read the final words I kind of just stared at the wall and cried for five minutes. This book is great, but it’s also soooo heavy and emotional, but if you’re looking for something like that that’ll make your heart hurt, I highly recommend.
This book is being compared to one of my favorite tv shows This Is Us and I can honestly see why - it’s a family drama that makes you cry your eyes out. I will warn you though that this book has some very triggering things in it like: many many things. This book was not easy to read, at times it felt so heavy on my heart I wasn’t sure if I could continue reading - it made my stomach upset.
But wow, this is one hell of a story. The only reason I knocked off a star is because the writing kind of got repetitive to me at times, every time the author wanted to write a flashback scene - there would be a chapter before of the character doing something irrelevant and then something reminds them of said flashback and then we go into it - and it just felt like filler to me and got annoying and repetitive. I know that’s super nit-picky but it bothered me. I also found some of the story to be a bit predictable, but there were also many things that I was shocked by.
The ending of this book made me cry, but what a great ending wow. I don’t think this book could have ended any other way it was *chefs kiss* perfect. After I read the final words I kind of just stared at the wall and cried for five minutes. This book is great, but it’s also soooo heavy and emotional, but if you’re looking for something like that that’ll make your heart hurt, I highly recommend.
April 21, 2019
If only I could like this book more.
Foreshadowing is a potent tool. Very potent. Unfortunately this book uses it the way a three-year old talks to a parent:
"Daddy, I saw!"
"What did you see?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"OK, then don't tell me."
"But guess!"
"Was it an animal?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"A man?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"OK, then let's play a game..."
"Nonono, you MUST guess. It has legs!"
"How many legs?"
"If only I could tell you!"
When I reached the second part of the book I started flipping through the pages, irritated, waiting to find out WHAT IT WAS THAT SHE COULDN'T TELL ME. At the same time I feared I'd end up feeling the same way I had when I first read Stephen King's "It", which was perfectly terrifying until "it" was revealed at the point where even an eight-headed dragon named Susan would have disappointed me. Beckerman doesn't disappoint when she finally delivers. Unfortunately in order to get there I had to ignore the multiple "as we so often discussed", "as you very well know", etc. dialogues, fifty hints that "this thing from the past that you never talk about is tearing us apart", etc. and flashbacks, flashbacks, soooooo many flashbacks, each of them giving just that one more piece of the puzzle ("It has FOUR legs, daddy!" "Is it a table?" "If only I could tell you! Go on guessing, daddy!").
I would suspect that my problem were my expectations, but I had none, just assuming the book would be great because it came recommended by my favourite writer (Marian Keyes). Now that I am finished I can see why Keyes is my favourite writer and Beckerman, well, isn't. Marian Keyes wrote a book that is sort-of-kind-of similar, as in heading for the great reveal of a terrible secret that is hinted at, but the reveal comes *halfway* through the book, allowing me to see what happens next. Beckerman made me grind my teeth for 300 pages, then gave me the reveal, then rounded it up with a...fitting ending, to avoid a spoiler.
Sometimes people say "this book kept me on the edge of my seat" or "I couldn't put it down". In fact, one of the cover endorsements says "I read it in a single day". So did I! Out of frustration and my determination not to DNF the book. Now that I did finish it I'm frustrated again, because the parts that I actually wanted to see develop – the relationships between mothers and daughters, a wife and a husband, etc. – were just cut short. OK, you got the Big Thing, time to round up aaaaand – cut!
"So it's a hamster?"
"You got it, daddy!"
"Phew. So what about it?"
"Nothing. Can I go play Fortnite now?"
Foreshadowing is a potent tool. Very potent. Unfortunately this book uses it the way a three-year old talks to a parent:
"Daddy, I saw!"
"What did you see?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"OK, then don't tell me."
"But guess!"
"Was it an animal?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"A man?"
"If only I could tell you!"
"OK, then let's play a game..."
"Nonono, you MUST guess. It has legs!"
"How many legs?"
"If only I could tell you!"
When I reached the second part of the book I started flipping through the pages, irritated, waiting to find out WHAT IT WAS THAT SHE COULDN'T TELL ME. At the same time I feared I'd end up feeling the same way I had when I first read Stephen King's "It", which was perfectly terrifying until "it" was revealed at the point where even an eight-headed dragon named Susan would have disappointed me. Beckerman doesn't disappoint when she finally delivers. Unfortunately in order to get there I had to ignore the multiple "as we so often discussed", "as you very well know", etc. dialogues, fifty hints that "this thing from the past that you never talk about is tearing us apart", etc. and flashbacks, flashbacks, soooooo many flashbacks, each of them giving just that one more piece of the puzzle ("It has FOUR legs, daddy!" "Is it a table?" "If only I could tell you! Go on guessing, daddy!").
I would suspect that my problem were my expectations, but I had none, just assuming the book would be great because it came recommended by my favourite writer (Marian Keyes). Now that I am finished I can see why Keyes is my favourite writer and Beckerman, well, isn't. Marian Keyes wrote a book that is sort-of-kind-of similar, as in heading for the great reveal of a terrible secret that is hinted at, but the reveal comes *halfway* through the book, allowing me to see what happens next. Beckerman made me grind my teeth for 300 pages, then gave me the reveal, then rounded it up with a...fitting ending, to avoid a spoiler.
Sometimes people say "this book kept me on the edge of my seat" or "I couldn't put it down". In fact, one of the cover endorsements says "I read it in a single day". So did I! Out of frustration and my determination not to DNF the book. Now that I did finish it I'm frustrated again, because the parts that I actually wanted to see develop – the relationships between mothers and daughters, a wife and a husband, etc. – were just cut short. OK, you got the Big Thing, time to round up aaaaand – cut!
"So it's a hamster?"
"You got it, daddy!"
"Phew. So what about it?"
"Nothing. Can I go play Fortnite now?"
February 24, 2019
A very intriguing start. Sisters Jess and Lily are getting ready for school when Lily goes into the spare room which she was asked not to. We don’t know what she sees but it causes the sisters to be estranged for years to come. I’m so pleased, I had thought I had this all worked out and I was so wrong!!
We then move forwards 28 years and Audrey is moving into her daughter Jess’s house as she is dying. Audrey’s last wish would be for her daughters to be reconciled. But can it be fixed?
The title “ If only I could tell you” was so apt. Imagine thinking you saw something, you keep it a secret only to find out that you had misconstrued it. A secret that has affected the whole family with heartbreaking consequences.
For me reading this was an emotional ride, it is so beautifully and compassionately written that it will capture you’re heart and attention from start to finish.
Definitely read this with the tissues nearby, you made me laugh and you made me cry, you also made me think about siblings that I have not been in touch with for a while and how life is too short, so grab life with both hands and enjoy it!!
This book incorporates so much, grief, loss, friendship, love, basically it has more highs and lows than a rollercoaster but is not all doom and gloom. The tension is kept throughout the book to the end which is finished off in a believable and compassionate way.
A must read , but make sure you have a few hours to spare as you will not want to put this book down.
I rate this book 10 out of 10
Looking forward to Hannah Beckerman’s next book.
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.
We then move forwards 28 years and Audrey is moving into her daughter Jess’s house as she is dying. Audrey’s last wish would be for her daughters to be reconciled. But can it be fixed?
The title “ If only I could tell you” was so apt. Imagine thinking you saw something, you keep it a secret only to find out that you had misconstrued it. A secret that has affected the whole family with heartbreaking consequences.
For me reading this was an emotional ride, it is so beautifully and compassionately written that it will capture you’re heart and attention from start to finish.
Definitely read this with the tissues nearby, you made me laugh and you made me cry, you also made me think about siblings that I have not been in touch with for a while and how life is too short, so grab life with both hands and enjoy it!!
This book incorporates so much, grief, loss, friendship, love, basically it has more highs and lows than a rollercoaster but is not all doom and gloom. The tension is kept throughout the book to the end which is finished off in a believable and compassionate way.
A must read , but make sure you have a few hours to spare as you will not want to put this book down.
I rate this book 10 out of 10
Looking forward to Hannah Beckerman’s next book.
Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.
June 9, 2020
3.5 stars.
A serious and thought-provoking story that lacked the emotional connection I was expecting.
Jess and her sister Lily have been estranged for almost thirty years. Ever since Jess witnessed Lily doing something completely unforgivable in their childhood she has refused to have a relationship with her sister. Jess has never explained to Lily what she witnessed and how she feels. Their mother has stressed over the hope of reuniting her daughters for years. Now that she is terminally ill, she feels the intense desire to rectify their differences and have them find peace.
I was pulled into this story right away. Chapter perspectives switch between Jess, Lily and their mother. I connected with Jess the most and was rooting for her to find happiness. There is a strong sense of secrecy with what Jess witnessed in the first half of the book. I was deeply intrigued and invested and couldn’t seem to wrap my mind around the possibility of what the secret could be. Once the secret is revealed, my investment in the story fizzled out. The last 40% of the novel was a tad high on drama.
I anticipated this book was going to be highly emotional. Did I shed some tears while reading this? Yes. Was I the emotional wreck I was expecting to be? No. The writing lacked the emotional power I had been hoping for.
Overall, an enjoyable read but not as powerful as I had hoped.
Thank you to Edelweiss for the review copy!
A serious and thought-provoking story that lacked the emotional connection I was expecting.
Jess and her sister Lily have been estranged for almost thirty years. Ever since Jess witnessed Lily doing something completely unforgivable in their childhood she has refused to have a relationship with her sister. Jess has never explained to Lily what she witnessed and how she feels. Their mother has stressed over the hope of reuniting her daughters for years. Now that she is terminally ill, she feels the intense desire to rectify their differences and have them find peace.
I was pulled into this story right away. Chapter perspectives switch between Jess, Lily and their mother. I connected with Jess the most and was rooting for her to find happiness. There is a strong sense of secrecy with what Jess witnessed in the first half of the book. I was deeply intrigued and invested and couldn’t seem to wrap my mind around the possibility of what the secret could be. Once the secret is revealed, my investment in the story fizzled out. The last 40% of the novel was a tad high on drama.
I anticipated this book was going to be highly emotional. Did I shed some tears while reading this? Yes. Was I the emotional wreck I was expecting to be? No. The writing lacked the emotional power I had been hoping for.
Overall, an enjoyable read but not as powerful as I had hoped.
Thank you to Edelweiss for the review copy!
July 27, 2019
I don’t think I was in the right frame of mind for this book but I’m not sure if I ever would be. Note to self - read blurbs more carefully. This brought back too many memory of watching my mother stoically await the fate that multiple myeloma had in store for her. Add to that the fact that I didn’t like two of the main characters. One thing I find hard to deal with is when parents put so much pressure on their kids to academically succeed as a way of compensating for their own lack of fulfilment. This was what Jess was doing to Mia and she was overriding and bulldozing her daughters wishes for post A-Level study.
I found the story predictable and I confess to skim reading the last 50%. I also doubt that someone in the end stage of cancer would have the energy or strength to fly from London to NYC even if your heart wished it. Not for me.
I found the story predictable and I confess to skim reading the last 50%. I also doubt that someone in the end stage of cancer would have the energy or strength to fly from London to NYC even if your heart wished it. Not for me.
May 27, 2020
3.5 stars
I rarely pay attention to quotes from other authors about books (sorry publishers, but it's true) but I was intrigued that two writers mentioned they cried while reading this one. There were some emotional moments in this book although I wouldn't put it in the gut wrenching, ugly cry category. But it did make me feel something and that's always a good thing.
Sisters Jess and Lily have been estranged for years. Their mother, Audrey, wants nothing more for the two women to finally reconcile. That's pretty much all you need to know other than something happened during Jess and Lily's childhood that led to Jess not wanting to have anything to do with her sister.
The whole mystery as to what happened years ago was something I worried about as I was reading. You can't have all that buildup then have it be lackluster once you are finally clued in as to what happened. On a positive note, I was caught completely by surprise at something the author snuck in. As for the reasons for the estrangement, I do have some mixed feelings. The groundwork was laid for why it happened but you do feel a sense of frustration with the characters for letting so much time pass without any type of communication.
I debated about whether or not to give this book 3 stars or 3.5 stars. The ending is what bumped up the story to the higher rating. I think what held this back from being an amazing read is Jess was not all that likable as a character. Yes, you get a good backstory for her eventually but even still she just had such a chip on her shoulder to the point in which it was hard to feel sorry for her. With a story like this, you need to feel invested in all of the lead characters or it will miss the mark a bit which was the case here. I wanted more from the story and it didn't quite get there. A decent read but I think there are other books that pack more of an emotional punch.
I won a free copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway by the publisher. I was not obligated to post a review and all views expressed are my honest opinion.
I rarely pay attention to quotes from other authors about books (sorry publishers, but it's true) but I was intrigued that two writers mentioned they cried while reading this one. There were some emotional moments in this book although I wouldn't put it in the gut wrenching, ugly cry category. But it did make me feel something and that's always a good thing.
Sisters Jess and Lily have been estranged for years. Their mother, Audrey, wants nothing more for the two women to finally reconcile. That's pretty much all you need to know other than something happened during Jess and Lily's childhood that led to Jess not wanting to have anything to do with her sister.
The whole mystery as to what happened years ago was something I worried about as I was reading. You can't have all that buildup then have it be lackluster once you are finally clued in as to what happened. On a positive note, I was caught completely by surprise at something the author snuck in. As for the reasons for the estrangement, I do have some mixed feelings. The groundwork was laid for why it happened but you do feel a sense of frustration with the characters for letting so much time pass without any type of communication.
I debated about whether or not to give this book 3 stars or 3.5 stars. The ending is what bumped up the story to the higher rating. I think what held this back from being an amazing read is Jess was not all that likable as a character. Yes, you get a good backstory for her eventually but even still she just had such a chip on her shoulder to the point in which it was hard to feel sorry for her. With a story like this, you need to feel invested in all of the lead characters or it will miss the mark a bit which was the case here. I wanted more from the story and it didn't quite get there. A decent read but I think there are other books that pack more of an emotional punch.
I won a free copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway by the publisher. I was not obligated to post a review and all views expressed are my honest opinion.
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October 16, 2024Puaj. Maybe it's well written, but the argument, Jesus. It's like this: two sisters, a secret, drama, drama, their mom, drama, drama, drama, small revelation, more drama forever, and the revelation deserves a big eye roll. I don't get the big rating. Are you serious?
October 13, 2019
5 ☆ “If Only I Could Tell You” is an engaging, emotionally charged, heartbreaking novel of how one family of women live in sadness, confusion and bitterness based off each owns recollections of their family’s past, disturbing secrets, and the construed perceptions of a child.
Mother Audrey, has stage four cancer and a few short months left, she’s devastated her daughters have a decades old rift with each other, Jess still won’t speak or even be in the same room with her sister Lily. Her one wish is to heal her family before she dies.
Told in each character’s own perspectives, Audrey, Jess and Lily, 1969 to the events of June 1988 that rocked their once close-knit peaceful family, to the present. Their journey has many incredible twists and one moral dilemma at the heart of the book I would not have believed if Lily hadn’t of seen it for herself. Not what I was expecting. I was floored by it and had to sit the book down for a bit!
Hannah Beckerman has written a compelling and absorbing debut novel that I can’t recommend enough. Outstanding.
I received an e-copy from NetGalley and the publisher in return for my honest review.
Mother Audrey, has stage four cancer and a few short months left, she’s devastated her daughters have a decades old rift with each other, Jess still won’t speak or even be in the same room with her sister Lily. Her one wish is to heal her family before she dies.
Told in each character’s own perspectives, Audrey, Jess and Lily, 1969 to the events of June 1988 that rocked their once close-knit peaceful family, to the present. Their journey has many incredible twists and one moral dilemma at the heart of the book I would not have believed if Lily hadn’t of seen it for herself. Not what I was expecting. I was floored by it and had to sit the book down for a bit!
Hannah Beckerman has written a compelling and absorbing debut novel that I can’t recommend enough. Outstanding.
I received an e-copy from NetGalley and the publisher in return for my honest review.
January 26, 2019
I should not have started this book before bedtime because then bedtime ended up being 4am with an alarm set so I could wake up and immediately finish reading this. This book covers so much: Family, friendship, love, loos, grief and honesty. I really didn't know which direction this book was going to turn in next, there is just so much depth and so many hidden messages throughout the novel.
I loved the family featured in the novel. Audrey is mother to Lily and Jess and grandmother to Mia (Jess's daughter) and Phoebe (Lily's daughter). I love the fact that Audrey's pattern of two daughters is repeated with her having two granddaughters. They live so close to each other and yet are so far apart in so many ways. Although Audrey is the lynch pin of the story, the majority of the time we either see things from Jess's perspective or Lily's but we do sometimes have an Audrey narrative as well, just to add another layer to the events that unfold.
There is so much grief and loss in this novel in so many different ways and I love the fact that this author shows how loss can affect people so differently and in just so many ways that may not become clear until a long while after the fact. We know that it can affect life choices and either bring people together or drive them apart. And then there is the loss that we can experience even when nobody has died, the loss that we experience through rifts in families or marriages and all of this is explored so tenderly and so beautifully in this novel. I expected to cry a lot but I didn't because I was marvelling at the clever way Hannah Beckerman has woven this novel with its layers and its mirroring of feelings and events, it really is a spectacle.
I loved the setting of this story with so much of it taking place in one corner of London. It was easy to picture and easy to imagine these characters placed in that setting. There definitely is a care warning for grief and loss in this novel so make sure you are in the right place to do so before picking this one up. These characters became very real to me as I was reading, their lives and their unique perspective of themselves and each other and I imagine that they will stay with me for a while to come. This is a beautiful novel so full of real life and so full of loss but in a very tender and sympathetic way. I definitely recommend adding this one to you TBR now.
I loved the family featured in the novel. Audrey is mother to Lily and Jess and grandmother to Mia (Jess's daughter) and Phoebe (Lily's daughter). I love the fact that Audrey's pattern of two daughters is repeated with her having two granddaughters. They live so close to each other and yet are so far apart in so many ways. Although Audrey is the lynch pin of the story, the majority of the time we either see things from Jess's perspective or Lily's but we do sometimes have an Audrey narrative as well, just to add another layer to the events that unfold.
There is so much grief and loss in this novel in so many different ways and I love the fact that this author shows how loss can affect people so differently and in just so many ways that may not become clear until a long while after the fact. We know that it can affect life choices and either bring people together or drive them apart. And then there is the loss that we can experience even when nobody has died, the loss that we experience through rifts in families or marriages and all of this is explored so tenderly and so beautifully in this novel. I expected to cry a lot but I didn't because I was marvelling at the clever way Hannah Beckerman has woven this novel with its layers and its mirroring of feelings and events, it really is a spectacle.
I loved the setting of this story with so much of it taking place in one corner of London. It was easy to picture and easy to imagine these characters placed in that setting. There definitely is a care warning for grief and loss in this novel so make sure you are in the right place to do so before picking this one up. These characters became very real to me as I was reading, their lives and their unique perspective of themselves and each other and I imagine that they will stay with me for a while to come. This is a beautiful novel so full of real life and so full of loss but in a very tender and sympathetic way. I definitely recommend adding this one to you TBR now.
March 28, 2020
Hannah Beckerman’s book, If I Could Only Tell You, tells a truly beautiful but sad story that is poignant yet a brutally emotional story.
It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.
Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.
Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.
There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness.
Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.
I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou
It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.
Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.
Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.
There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness.
Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.
I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou
September 30, 2019
I would have gotten more enjoyment out of walking into oncoming traffic.
Imagine compiling every horrific and depressing thing that can happen to a person and then turning it into a book. I wanted to know the secret so I masochistically kept reading, but I genuinely wish I hadn’t.
Imagine compiling every horrific and depressing thing that can happen to a person and then turning it into a book. I wanted to know the secret so I masochistically kept reading, but I genuinely wish I hadn’t.
March 15, 2019
A middle class soap opera. The drama is enabled only by the mind-boggling lack of communication between characters blessed with the emotional maturity of a mayfly.
Unlikeable characters and too much descriptive writing (by the end I was eye rolling at all the ‘it was as if..’s and the ‘like a..’s). I forced myself to finish.
Unlikeable characters and too much descriptive writing (by the end I was eye rolling at all the ‘it was as if..’s and the ‘like a..’s). I forced myself to finish.
November 7, 2019
If Only I Could Tell You is a beautiful and emotional story of a sisterhood and family that is so strong.
Talk about needing a box of tissues for this book! There is so much depth in this book and writing is just so beautiful!
I highly recommend this one to fans of powerful family stories! I haven't read a story like this in awhile and left my heart so full but sad.
I feel like there was a lot going on with this book and very heavy feeling which was only issue since it was a little more drama then I wanted.
I definitely will be checking out more from Beckerman and have become A fan! :)
3.5 stars!
Talk about needing a box of tissues for this book! There is so much depth in this book and writing is just so beautiful!
I highly recommend this one to fans of powerful family stories! I haven't read a story like this in awhile and left my heart so full but sad.
I feel like there was a lot going on with this book and very heavy feeling which was only issue since it was a little more drama then I wanted.
I definitely will be checking out more from Beckerman and have become A fan! :)
3.5 stars!
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August 30, 2019Why I love it
by Etaf Rum
Warning—have tissues at hand for this beautifully heartbreaking story! If Only I Could Tell You is half mystery, half tender tale about grief and estrangement and the kind of loss that can break even the closest family apart. A must read!
Imagine keeping a secret of something you saw—a secret that will have heartbreaking effects on your entire family—only to find out that what you had seen had been misconstrued all along?
One morning in 1988, ten-year-old Jess sees her fifteen-year-old sister Lily coming out of their family’s spare bedroom, a seemingly benign act which, bewilderingly, sparks a rift between the two sisters for decades. Flash forward 30 years: Their mother, Audrey—who has never discovered the reasons behind the feud—is dying. Determined to reconcile her adult daughters, she’ll stop at nothing to uncover their long-held secrets. But will her time run out before she can?
It’s been a while since I read a book that managed to be so honest in its navigation of loss, forgiveness, grief, and unconditional love. There are so many beautifully captured and tender moments between the characters and the ways in which the family dynamics unfold. Beckerman has a gift in making each scene, no matter how difficult the issue at hand, feel so personal and genuine. Hands down one of my favorite books of the year!
Read more at: https://bookofthemonth.com/if-only-i-...
by Etaf Rum
Warning—have tissues at hand for this beautifully heartbreaking story! If Only I Could Tell You is half mystery, half tender tale about grief and estrangement and the kind of loss that can break even the closest family apart. A must read!
Imagine keeping a secret of something you saw—a secret that will have heartbreaking effects on your entire family—only to find out that what you had seen had been misconstrued all along?
One morning in 1988, ten-year-old Jess sees her fifteen-year-old sister Lily coming out of their family’s spare bedroom, a seemingly benign act which, bewilderingly, sparks a rift between the two sisters for decades. Flash forward 30 years: Their mother, Audrey—who has never discovered the reasons behind the feud—is dying. Determined to reconcile her adult daughters, she’ll stop at nothing to uncover their long-held secrets. But will her time run out before she can?
It’s been a while since I read a book that managed to be so honest in its navigation of loss, forgiveness, grief, and unconditional love. There are so many beautifully captured and tender moments between the characters and the ways in which the family dynamics unfold. Beckerman has a gift in making each scene, no matter how difficult the issue at hand, feel so personal and genuine. Hands down one of my favorite books of the year!
Read more at: https://bookofthemonth.com/if-only-i-...
February 11, 2019
It is with a heart laden with sadness and eyes soaked in tears, I write this difficult review.
If you ever want to read a book which makes you cry - read this
If you ever want to feel deep melancholy - read this
If you ever want to feel a mother's love - read this
If you ever want to feel sisters hate for 28 years - read this
If you ever want to see sisters bonding - read this
If you ever want to read about family and strength - read this.
A dying mother and estranged sisters due to a misunderstanding 28 years ago caused the family to break apart. A beautiful, poignant book by Hannah Beckerman, depicted the sisters, Tess and Lily, connected by grief and anger, each going through life missing the other, with the mother Audrey caught in between. Till she was diagnosed to have a few months to live and wanting her two daughters become sisters again was her only wish.
Hannah's writing made the scenes come alive, sadness was palpable in the depth of emotions. One moment of misinterpretation by a 10 year old child caused ripples in time and behavior. The story showed the lives of all the 3 women with shuffled timelines casting glimpses like the lens of a viewfinder as they grow up, from their dreams to their realities, from their hopes to their sorrows, from their anger to their knowledge.
The last few chapters had its shocking tale to narrate, but I understood the decisions taken by them. Each was right, but they were all so wrong. This book had me crying and breaking down at many points. It was a tough read.
If you ever want to read a book which makes you cry - read this
If you ever want to feel deep melancholy - read this
If you ever want to feel a mother's love - read this
If you ever want to feel sisters hate for 28 years - read this
If you ever want to see sisters bonding - read this
If you ever want to read about family and strength - read this.
A dying mother and estranged sisters due to a misunderstanding 28 years ago caused the family to break apart. A beautiful, poignant book by Hannah Beckerman, depicted the sisters, Tess and Lily, connected by grief and anger, each going through life missing the other, with the mother Audrey caught in between. Till she was diagnosed to have a few months to live and wanting her two daughters become sisters again was her only wish.
Hannah's writing made the scenes come alive, sadness was palpable in the depth of emotions. One moment of misinterpretation by a 10 year old child caused ripples in time and behavior. The story showed the lives of all the 3 women with shuffled timelines casting glimpses like the lens of a viewfinder as they grow up, from their dreams to their realities, from their hopes to their sorrows, from their anger to their knowledge.
The last few chapters had its shocking tale to narrate, but I understood the decisions taken by them. Each was right, but they were all so wrong. This book had me crying and breaking down at many points. It was a tough read.
February 21, 2019
OMG I loved this book. There aren’t many books that I start reading and by chapter 3 I can’t stop thinking about the characters but If Only I Could Tell You is definitely one of them.
This book covers everything you need for a heart-warming, heart-breaking story. Family, friendship, love, guilt, lies, grief, honesty, deception, bravery, acceptance and fear.
The story revolves around Audrey, a mother to 2 grown up women Jess and Lily, each with a daughter of their own. However Jess and Lily haven’t spoken in over 30 years and the family are in literally in pieces. Audrey’s final wish is to reunite her daughters and heal the rift before it’s too late.
If Only I Could Tell You is narrated through Audrey, Jess and Lily and it’s impossible not to feel and care about these wonderful characters. This is a moving and emotional story that will tug at your heart strings.
This book covers everything you need for a heart-warming, heart-breaking story. Family, friendship, love, guilt, lies, grief, honesty, deception, bravery, acceptance and fear.
The story revolves around Audrey, a mother to 2 grown up women Jess and Lily, each with a daughter of their own. However Jess and Lily haven’t spoken in over 30 years and the family are in literally in pieces. Audrey’s final wish is to reunite her daughters and heal the rift before it’s too late.
If Only I Could Tell You is narrated through Audrey, Jess and Lily and it’s impossible not to feel and care about these wonderful characters. This is a moving and emotional story that will tug at your heart strings.
November 18, 2019
Library ebook...
My curiosity was hooked
right away with this one sentence:
“She does not yet know it, but by the time she gets home this afternoon, the fabric of her family will have been altered irrevocably, and the mornings events will repeat in their mind like a record stuck under the groove of a needle for the next thirty years”.
I was still hooked with this excerpt... (still early into the storytelling)....
“Looking at the photograph, Audrey wondered how Edwards parents would have coped with what happened 16 years after that picture had been taken. The year her and Edwards lives had changed irreparably, the ground rupturing beneath them, sucking them deep into a sinkhole from which they would never truly emerge”.
[Edward’s parents never lived long enough to witness the grief, the anger, the shame].
Audrey had asked herself repeatedly over the years what she might have missed and whether she could’ve done anything differently to change the course of her daughters’ relationship.
Audrey was 62 years old. She looked years younger - was beautiful, a talented singer, but she was sick with stage four cancer...(expected to be dead in approximately eighteen months)....
“which caused the floodgates to open on memories she had spent decades trying to forget”.
Audrey’s two adult daughters, Lily and Jess each had a seventeen year-old daughter, born six weeks apart, yet they were not “permitted”to meet.
Almost three decades ago...Jess severe her relationship with her sister, Lily.
All these years later,( thirty years later),
Jess still couldn’t bear to be in the same room with Lily.
I had a hunch - very early on as to why. I guessed right ... but knowing was no more satisfying then not knowing.
This novel is filled with heavy issues....too many for any one to be fully developed:
secrets, cancer, miscarriages, adultery, death....with lots of miscommunications and years of anger.
It’s also filled with lot of ‘poor me’ justifications, bitterness,
attack, blame, and even manipulation.
Every character was infected with emotional wounds.....
the type of poisonous emotions that make people suffer: hate, envy, tragedy, and sadness.
I’m not a fan of this type of speaking: ( but unfortunately daughters have vomited their covert words to mothers like this throughout history)....
“I spent my whole life trying to be what you wanted me to be. I never got into trouble, I always got straight A’s, I never set a foot wrong because it felt like you only loved me when I was doing everything right”.
And mothers throughout history have felt bad, guilt, sadness, shame, grief ... for not doing things right.
God forbid the daughter who lets her mother off the hook for being human.
Or at least practices responsible communicating.
There were many more examples of unhealthy communications.... than inspiring clean ones.
The dialogue throughout was so lacking in anything remotely inspiring... that I began to fatigue from
all the anguish.
A great antidote to this book???....
Ha....
perhaps
KICKBOXING! 🥊 ... or something else physical to shed off the toxicity from so much melodrama.🎭
Me... I took a sauna and warm water soak.
2.5 stars
My curiosity was hooked
right away with this one sentence:
“She does not yet know it, but by the time she gets home this afternoon, the fabric of her family will have been altered irrevocably, and the mornings events will repeat in their mind like a record stuck under the groove of a needle for the next thirty years”.
I was still hooked with this excerpt... (still early into the storytelling)....
“Looking at the photograph, Audrey wondered how Edwards parents would have coped with what happened 16 years after that picture had been taken. The year her and Edwards lives had changed irreparably, the ground rupturing beneath them, sucking them deep into a sinkhole from which they would never truly emerge”.
[Edward’s parents never lived long enough to witness the grief, the anger, the shame].
Audrey had asked herself repeatedly over the years what she might have missed and whether she could’ve done anything differently to change the course of her daughters’ relationship.
Audrey was 62 years old. She looked years younger - was beautiful, a talented singer, but she was sick with stage four cancer...(expected to be dead in approximately eighteen months)....
“which caused the floodgates to open on memories she had spent decades trying to forget”.
Audrey’s two adult daughters, Lily and Jess each had a seventeen year-old daughter, born six weeks apart, yet they were not “permitted”to meet.
Almost three decades ago...Jess severe her relationship with her sister, Lily.
All these years later,( thirty years later),
Jess still couldn’t bear to be in the same room with Lily.
I had a hunch - very early on as to why. I guessed right ... but knowing was no more satisfying then not knowing.
This novel is filled with heavy issues....too many for any one to be fully developed:
secrets, cancer, miscarriages, adultery, death....with lots of miscommunications and years of anger.
It’s also filled with lot of ‘poor me’ justifications, bitterness,
attack, blame, and even manipulation.
Every character was infected with emotional wounds.....
the type of poisonous emotions that make people suffer: hate, envy, tragedy, and sadness.
I’m not a fan of this type of speaking: ( but unfortunately daughters have vomited their covert words to mothers like this throughout history)....
“I spent my whole life trying to be what you wanted me to be. I never got into trouble, I always got straight A’s, I never set a foot wrong because it felt like you only loved me when I was doing everything right”.
And mothers throughout history have felt bad, guilt, sadness, shame, grief ... for not doing things right.
God forbid the daughter who lets her mother off the hook for being human.
Or at least practices responsible communicating.
There were many more examples of unhealthy communications.... than inspiring clean ones.
The dialogue throughout was so lacking in anything remotely inspiring... that I began to fatigue from
all the anguish.
A great antidote to this book???....
Ha....
perhaps
KICKBOXING! 🥊 ... or something else physical to shed off the toxicity from so much melodrama.🎭
Me... I took a sauna and warm water soak.
2.5 stars
March 28, 2020
Hannah Beckerman’s book, If I Could Only Tell You, tells a truly beautiful but sad story that is poignant yet a brutally emotional story.
It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.
Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.
Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.
There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness.
Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.
I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou
It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.
Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.
Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.
There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness.
Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.
I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou
September 12, 2019
I gotta be honest- this might be closer to a 1 star than 2...I feel like my time was completely wasted here 🙄
Where to even begin?
1). Implausibility of Jess being soooo mistaken for soooo long and behaving like suuuuuch an immovable bitch
2). None of the characters were interesting, multidimensional, or believable. Just cardboard cutouts of nothingness
3). Terrible dialogue. Ugh
4). Nothing really happens? Audrey sings in a choir concert? And that’s it?
5). There were some really bold, triggering themes without any rich/supportive narrative to support it. Suicide? Assisted suicide? Cancer? Infidelity? These are huge themes and I feel the author just didn’t do them justice :(
6). Everything was clichéd and repetitive..I feel like the author was trying to be really dramatic the ENTIRE time and it was just dumb. Because it came over as way too try hard-y and over the top/inexperienced
7). Lily and Jess nagggggged their kids like crazy...Jesus. Annoying to read
Yeah- yikes this one was freaking rough.
Where to even begin?
1). Implausibility of Jess being soooo mistaken for soooo long and behaving like suuuuuch an immovable bitch
2). None of the characters were interesting, multidimensional, or believable. Just cardboard cutouts of nothingness
3). Terrible dialogue. Ugh
4). Nothing really happens? Audrey sings in a choir concert? And that’s it?
5). There were some really bold, triggering themes without any rich/supportive narrative to support it. Suicide? Assisted suicide? Cancer? Infidelity? These are huge themes and I feel the author just didn’t do them justice :(
6). Everything was clichéd and repetitive..I feel like the author was trying to be really dramatic the ENTIRE time and it was just dumb. Because it came over as way too try hard-y and over the top/inexperienced
7). Lily and Jess nagggggged their kids like crazy...Jesus. Annoying to read
Yeah- yikes this one was freaking rough.
October 20, 2019
A book ready to make the reader cry....
The book is expressing loneliness, sadness, tenderness
And some hilarious ways to live life.....
If u r finding a reason to cry 💔😢
This book is awesome!!!
The book is expressing loneliness, sadness, tenderness
And some hilarious ways to live life.....
If u r finding a reason to cry 💔😢
This book is awesome!!!
May 29, 2019
Audrey has two daughters, Lily and Jess who have not spoken to each other for years. Lily and Jess have two daughters close in age but now teenagers, the cousins, Phoebe and Mia, a have never been allowed to meet and get to know each other. An event from the past and a secret held has shattered this family. After her recent diagnose Audrey knows time is running out for her. She is determined to try and bring her daughters together before she dies. Is it possible to heal the hurts of the past? Especially when she has no idea what initially caused the seismic chasm between Jess and Lily.
The story starts in 1988 with the event that shatters the relationship between the two sisters. What could have possibly happened? It is only as the story moves into 2016 and back again to other events in the past that the full extent of what happened on that Thursday morning is revealed. More than one secret emerges over the time. The characters are well developed if not always likeable. The events that transpire may raise thought provoking issues for the reader. It is an emotionally charged story with a lot f tragedy. And to fully take in the story the reader will need to believe that a ten year old would keep a shocking secret to herself over thirty years. If you accept that, then the rest of the story flows on from that. I really liked the inclusion of the choir Audrey auditions for and Ben, the choirmaster, is a lovely character. I related to Audrey not being able to read music and picking up songs by ear.
A story about family, secrets, misconceptions, expectations, loss and grief there is a lot happening in this novel. Perhaps too much? I found it highly readable and the story involving, though towards the end I did have a couple of things that didn’t sit comfortably with me. Maybe just a little too neatly tied up? But still a very good read and I would be interested to read another book by this author. She conveys character, situation and emotions well. All in all, an engaging, emotionally charged read.
The story starts in 1988 with the event that shatters the relationship between the two sisters. What could have possibly happened? It is only as the story moves into 2016 and back again to other events in the past that the full extent of what happened on that Thursday morning is revealed. More than one secret emerges over the time. The characters are well developed if not always likeable. The events that transpire may raise thought provoking issues for the reader. It is an emotionally charged story with a lot f tragedy. And to fully take in the story the reader will need to believe that a ten year old would keep a shocking secret to herself over thirty years. If you accept that, then the rest of the story flows on from that. I really liked the inclusion of the choir Audrey auditions for and Ben, the choirmaster, is a lovely character. I related to Audrey not being able to read music and picking up songs by ear.
A story about family, secrets, misconceptions, expectations, loss and grief there is a lot happening in this novel. Perhaps too much? I found it highly readable and the story involving, though towards the end I did have a couple of things that didn’t sit comfortably with me. Maybe just a little too neatly tied up? But still a very good read and I would be interested to read another book by this author. She conveys character, situation and emotions well. All in all, an engaging, emotionally charged read.
September 16, 2019
Warning, the big reveal doesn't come until around page 300.
If you have the stamina to read through 75% of the book for the story to come together, I would say to pick up this book. It's sentimental and tugs at your heartstrings in a completely different way.
If you have the stamina to read through 75% of the book for the story to come together, I would say to pick up this book. It's sentimental and tugs at your heartstrings in a completely different way.
September 26, 2019
Who is ready to cry? Sometimes you just need that one book that has all the feels. Well I have found it If Only I Could Tell You is that book of 2019.
They say this is for fans of This Is Us but I am here to tell you it is much better than This Is Us.
The sisters have a secret. One that has torn them a part for many years. Want me to tell you the secret? Well it all started when one of the sisters was 10 years old. Wait I can't tell you the secret you have to get your own copy and find out what started the whole mess.
I gave this book 4 stars and I highly recommend it.
The Mary Reader received this book from the publisher for review. A favorable review was not required and all views expressed are our own.
They say this is for fans of This Is Us but I am here to tell you it is much better than This Is Us.
The sisters have a secret. One that has torn them a part for many years. Want me to tell you the secret? Well it all started when one of the sisters was 10 years old. Wait I can't tell you the secret you have to get your own copy and find out what started the whole mess.
I gave this book 4 stars and I highly recommend it.
The Mary Reader received this book from the publisher for review. A favorable review was not required and all views expressed are our own.
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