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Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date
You get that he’s just not that into you, but why?
What really happened when that cute guy never called you back after your date? Why didn’t that intriguing man you flirted with online or at the party ask you out? It’s an annoying mystery. One minute there was a potential romance happening, and the next? He vanished, inexplicably. If you knew why men reacted in these ways, you could do something about it next time when the right guy comes along.
So Rachel Greenwald did what you’re too embarrassed to do yourself. As a renowned dating coach with a Harvard MBA, she applied business savvy to the dating world by conducting in-depth "Exit Interviews" with 1,000 single men, asking them why they hadn’t called back after a date or online flirtation. By refusing to accept glib responses such as "There was just no chemistry," she extracted unabashedly honest and raw answers. It turns out that men leave women hanging for clear, consistent reasons. The Top Ten Date-Breakers–revealed here in Greenwald’s unique research–are the result of signals that women of all ages send unknowingly, but are easily fixed. Citing true anecdotes and case studies, this book examines the most frequent date-breakers that men confessed, and offers practical advice on how you can avoid them.
Greenwald’s goal isn’t for you to pretend to be someone you’re not, but rather to keep the ball in your court. By using her research results as a guide to tweak your comments and gestures, you’ll have more men asking to see you again. Then you can accept or decline their invitations: you’re doing the selecting–not them.
In today’s increasingly complex dating world, both online and offline, learning how to maximize your dates is essential. With a fresh and entertaining behind-the-scenes vantage point, Why He Didn’t Call You Back offers simple solutions that empower women to choose the men they really want to date.
What really happened when that cute guy never called you back after your date? Why didn’t that intriguing man you flirted with online or at the party ask you out? It’s an annoying mystery. One minute there was a potential romance happening, and the next? He vanished, inexplicably. If you knew why men reacted in these ways, you could do something about it next time when the right guy comes along.
So Rachel Greenwald did what you’re too embarrassed to do yourself. As a renowned dating coach with a Harvard MBA, she applied business savvy to the dating world by conducting in-depth "Exit Interviews" with 1,000 single men, asking them why they hadn’t called back after a date or online flirtation. By refusing to accept glib responses such as "There was just no chemistry," she extracted unabashedly honest and raw answers. It turns out that men leave women hanging for clear, consistent reasons. The Top Ten Date-Breakers–revealed here in Greenwald’s unique research–are the result of signals that women of all ages send unknowingly, but are easily fixed. Citing true anecdotes and case studies, this book examines the most frequent date-breakers that men confessed, and offers practical advice on how you can avoid them.
Greenwald’s goal isn’t for you to pretend to be someone you’re not, but rather to keep the ball in your court. By using her research results as a guide to tweak your comments and gestures, you’ll have more men asking to see you again. Then you can accept or decline their invitations: you’re doing the selecting–not them.
In today’s increasingly complex dating world, both online and offline, learning how to maximize your dates is essential. With a fresh and entertaining behind-the-scenes vantage point, Why He Didn’t Call You Back offers simple solutions that empower women to choose the men they really want to date.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2009
4 people are currently reading
116 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
July 14, 2009
Rachel Greenwald, a self-styled "dating coach," interviewed one thousand men who dated a woman once, and didn't ask for a second date, to find out why they didn't call back. It's not great literature, but it has an almost mesmerizing voyeuristic fascination. It does provide some general insight into what goes wrong when guys don't call back. The reasons are broken down into broad categories, i.e., too bossy, too boring, too busy, too weird. Perhaps not so oddly, the reasons the women gave for why the guy didn't call back bore almost no relationship to the real reasons.
That's no revelation. What's more interesting and revealing is that Greenwald probed beneath the surface reasons to find out what specific actions or words caused the guy to conclude that the woman was too busy, too bossy, etc. Some examples: She flagged down the cab aggressively, she gave too much attention to her cats, she was neglectful of her dog, she spoke harshly to her mother on the phone. Looks were rarely cited as a reason, but not being a nice person was.
Reading this book was like eavesdropping on stuff guys usually keep secret. The book is fun, fascinating, and maybe even a little useful for those out there playing the dating game.
That's no revelation. What's more interesting and revealing is that Greenwald probed beneath the surface reasons to find out what specific actions or words caused the guy to conclude that the woman was too busy, too bossy, etc. Some examples: She flagged down the cab aggressively, she gave too much attention to her cats, she was neglectful of her dog, she spoke harshly to her mother on the phone. Looks were rarely cited as a reason, but not being a nice person was.
Reading this book was like eavesdropping on stuff guys usually keep secret. The book is fun, fascinating, and maybe even a little useful for those out there playing the dating game.
July 27, 2009
You know, I thought I knew a lot about men - until I read this book!! I only picked it up because a review had mentioned that a lot of tips could be used for job interviews as well!
It all comes down to the fact that men are as weird as women when it comes down to dating. The weirdest little things are all it takes not to get that 2nd date! This was great in pointing out what others see in your behavior, and helps you to pinpoint what's bothering you about theirs!!
I think this book is great for both men and women to read, whether their new to dating or not. It was interesting, trust me!
It all comes down to the fact that men are as weird as women when it comes down to dating. The weirdest little things are all it takes not to get that 2nd date! This was great in pointing out what others see in your behavior, and helps you to pinpoint what's bothering you about theirs!!
I think this book is great for both men and women to read, whether their new to dating or not. It was interesting, trust me!
June 19, 2016
I love the premise of getting feedback about how you're coming across, but this was a bit crazy-making. The extent of the obsession about doing what men want on a first date is rather nuts, and it seemed to give the idea that all guys can have their choice of any woman, and doesn't encourage the reader to be equally critical of who she devotes her time to. Pretty much according to this book you are supposed to be pretty, but not too high maintenance, assertive, but not too assertive, nurturing but never needy, nice, but not too nice, etc etc etc. All the obsessing about doing what a guy wants seems backwards, and it's just a date for crying out loud.
June 25, 2013
A very informative book about dating, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back” includes excerpts from interviews that the author has had with over 1,000 men and women who have responded to her questions as to why the first date didn’t lead to a second date.
The book includes the famous quote by Albert Einstein, who stated that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. That’s apparently what’s happening in the real world with dating. Men and women are doing the same (wrong) things again and again, and never finding satisfactory relationships no matter how badly they might want them.
The author points out that today people are more self-aware than ever before due to the rise of the self-awareness and self-help industry. Having read a book that excoriates this industry by Steve Salerno, I wonder if part of the problem is actually taking Dr. Phil’s advice and then realizing that it doesn’t work.
The author breaks down the reasons for men not calling women back into reasons: the woman acts like the Boss Lady and she is argumentative and competitive rather than considerate; the blahs (she’s boring); the bait and switch (mostly with respect to online dating where profiles are seldom what they seem); the Park Avenue princess (a spoiled woman who makes childish demands of men); the Closer (in which the date goes more like a job interview); the Flasher (way too much information for a first date); the Bitch in Boots (being rude to your date, the waiter, or anyone else); the Debbie Downer (being jaded and cynical); the Ex Factor (constantly bringing up one’s ex); and the One-Way Street (everything is all about her).
The author offers some good advice at the end of each chapter/reason as to what women can do to avoid first date problems and get to the second date and beyond. The author isn’t trying to get a woman to be someone she’s not, but rather to get women to do some of the selecting by using appropriate comments and gestures to make men want to ask her out again.
The book includes the famous quote by Albert Einstein, who stated that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. That’s apparently what’s happening in the real world with dating. Men and women are doing the same (wrong) things again and again, and never finding satisfactory relationships no matter how badly they might want them.
The author points out that today people are more self-aware than ever before due to the rise of the self-awareness and self-help industry. Having read a book that excoriates this industry by Steve Salerno, I wonder if part of the problem is actually taking Dr. Phil’s advice and then realizing that it doesn’t work.
The author breaks down the reasons for men not calling women back into reasons: the woman acts like the Boss Lady and she is argumentative and competitive rather than considerate; the blahs (she’s boring); the bait and switch (mostly with respect to online dating where profiles are seldom what they seem); the Park Avenue princess (a spoiled woman who makes childish demands of men); the Closer (in which the date goes more like a job interview); the Flasher (way too much information for a first date); the Bitch in Boots (being rude to your date, the waiter, or anyone else); the Debbie Downer (being jaded and cynical); the Ex Factor (constantly bringing up one’s ex); and the One-Way Street (everything is all about her).
The author offers some good advice at the end of each chapter/reason as to what women can do to avoid first date problems and get to the second date and beyond. The author isn’t trying to get a woman to be someone she’s not, but rather to get women to do some of the selecting by using appropriate comments and gestures to make men want to ask her out again.
February 10, 2013
The book’s cover was fuchsia, its title blunt: "Why He Didn’t Call You Back."
Wow. Just what I needed. Not now. But back in the 60s and 70s when I was young and single and hopeful in New York and San Francisco . . . when I was doing a lot of dating and a lot of wondering why so many guys would take me out once or twice — then disappear without explanation. Gone. Evaporated. Poof.
And now, years later, the mysterious rejections still rankled. Why hadn’t those guys (and there were dozens of them) ever called me back? I still wanted to know.
The book was sitting on a shelf in the Chicago Midway airport bookstore. I had some time before my flight left for Oakland. I picked it up and started to read . . . .
This is a fun book. But it's also a practical one. You can read my review and hear some of Greenwald's relationship adviced at:
http://barbarafalconernewhall.com/200...
Wow. Just what I needed. Not now. But back in the 60s and 70s when I was young and single and hopeful in New York and San Francisco . . . when I was doing a lot of dating and a lot of wondering why so many guys would take me out once or twice — then disappear without explanation. Gone. Evaporated. Poof.
And now, years later, the mysterious rejections still rankled. Why hadn’t those guys (and there were dozens of them) ever called me back? I still wanted to know.
The book was sitting on a shelf in the Chicago Midway airport bookstore. I had some time before my flight left for Oakland. I picked it up and started to read . . . .
This is a fun book. But it's also a practical one. You can read my review and hear some of Greenwald's relationship adviced at:
http://barbarafalconernewhall.com/200...
January 25, 2014
Me emprestaram esse livro como se fosse a grande resposta de ouro. E eu tenho problemas com livros de auto ajuda, pois são cheios de filosofia de bar e tendem a tornar tudo simplesmente complicado. Esse não é diferente. A autora quer ser supermoderna, atrevida, mas no final é apenas mais um livro descartável que sequer serviu para me divertir. Mas o resumo da ópera é que você não deve ser quem é, mas ajustar sua imagem para parecer atrativa para o cara que você quer como namorado. Meio uma caçadora estudando a caça. E os homens são todos retardados que apenas ligam para aparência (não apenas física). Concordo que a primeira impressão é importante, mas ser real consigo mesma é mais. Não recomendo para ninguém, é mais barato comprar uma Marie Claire, Nova, Capricho ou qualquer revista “feminina” em uma banca.
November 28, 2011
2nd time I've read this. Good for questions re: communication and how you are perceived about others. Plus funny anecdotes.
October 27, 2014
The book is funny, but it will make you hyper aware of any dating "mistakes" that you're making.
Read
November 14, 2021I've been bamboozled! Should've read the description... I assumed it was going to be the actual 1,000-person dataset, but nope, just a summarization and insights based on the data. From the little dating advice I read in there, it seemed reasonable (don't treat it like an interview or be bossy!), but there was a lot of fluff to increase page count.
No rating as I didn't read it all the way through.
No rating as I didn't read it all the way through.
April 15, 2023
Fascinating. Read in BK library with exit interviews.
July 12, 2022
Oh lord, no wonder I can't find love. No wonder dating is so hard. Basically as follows. People make the quickest of judgements and write off a first date for the most trivial of inferences. Example. A woman feels like Champaign, she orders Champaign on your first date. Therefore she has expensive tastes and you can't afford her and NEXT DATE! please! WTF? How much can you learn about someone on a single meeting? I say, if you have fun on a first date and you like the other person, GO ON A SECOND DATE! But apparently people just don't have time and apparently have a massive pool of potential dates, so they have to whittle it down quickly. This would be fine if people had infinite pools of suitors. Is that real?
September 7, 2010
Even though this book is geared towards single women in the dating world, I thoroughly enjoyed it and even found some helpful tips for my own life. Fun, short, practical advice for any woman, especially if you're wondering how to better attract "the One."
PS This is NOT a "you can't get a man, you poor thing" book AT ALL. It just helps daters be more aware of the image they are presenting. After reading this, we see the negative things we accidentally may be conveying, and we learn practical ways to eradicate them. It's about changing any accidental bad impressions, not about trying to be appear to be something you're not.
PS This is NOT a "you can't get a man, you poor thing" book AT ALL. It just helps daters be more aware of the image they are presenting. After reading this, we see the negative things we accidentally may be conveying, and we learn practical ways to eradicate them. It's about changing any accidental bad impressions, not about trying to be appear to be something you're not.
May 31, 2016
I don't think I've ever read a Rachel Greenwald book that I haven't found useful, and this was no exception. Aimed at people who have lots of first dates they wished moved on, she identifies several common themes and basically gives job interview advice for dating - you need to present your best self, here's the secret things that are dealbreakers, maybe work on a few things. And while many things not only don't apply to me, I can't even imagine the women they apply to, there were a couple things that were definitely useful.
And an entertaining, quick read to boot.
And an entertaining, quick read to boot.
July 21, 2010
This book has an interesting premise, and it was fun/horrifying to read the quotations from men that the author collected during her interviews. However, the section on each "type" was set up exactly the same; she even repeated several sentences in each section. It was as if she set up a template and just plugged everything in. It would perhaps be a three-star book if the writing weren't so lazy.
April 12, 2012
Have you ever wondered, "Why is my phone not ringing?" If you have ever waited to know what happened. There is no need to guess any more. The author interviewed many men on behalf of women world wide, in order to give us an answer to these questions. I really enjoyed this book, it really showed me how some guys can be so shallow, but how others REALLY notice what you do on a date. So read the book then act accordingly, and He just might call you back. :)
July 6, 2009
It's a dating book for women, so, you know, not War & Peace, but I thought the approach was interesting enough. This Harvard MBA interviewed men to see why they didn't call women back, and wouldn't take vague answers. I thought it provided some interesting insight, but most of it's fairly common-sensical.
April 16, 2010
This book was a bit tedious to get through if you read the whole thing. My guess is that a skim could indicate to you which types you are likely to fall into and you could read those sections. If you have been having a hard time getting a second or third date with guys you really like, give it a skim/read and see if you can't find a couple of pointers on making the experience better.
September 28, 2011
Yes, I read a book about dating. Overall I enjoyed it. Could have lived without the "Sound Familiar" self-assessment section. The questions were so basic. For example, on the "Switch & Bait" the question was something like "Do you work in marketing/PR and can really sell something?" Dumb.
That said, I did enjoy the "evidence-based" advice on pitfalls to avoid. Interesting read.
That said, I did enjoy the "evidence-based" advice on pitfalls to avoid. Interesting read.
September 7, 2010
Even though this book is geared towards single women in the dating world, I thoroughly enjoyed it and even found some helpful tips for my own life. Fun, short, practical advice for any woman, especially if you're wondering how to better attract "the One."
December 31, 2010
Interesting book! Found out alot and brought to light some things i've done without realizing how bad/misunderstood it could seem to a guy. I'm mostly the flasher(TMI to soon). Read it to find out what you are!
February 3, 2011
No-nonsense advice about dating. It's okay to be nice yet still be a strong woman!
March 13, 2011
Pretty good advice in this book and it made me laugh, especially all the real-life stories. I would highly suggest it to single women who have the bravery to date. :)
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August 4, 2011A good book for the not so smart girl. Common sense is key.
October 10, 2012
Mindless, and yet entertaining. Some funny stories in here. A good read when you want a break from serious...
March 18, 2013
Nice breakdown of personality stereotypes that can come through when first meeting someone, and how to temper them to make a better first (or second) impression.
December 11, 2015
Excellent scientific analysis on WHY a guy doesn't call a woman back. I really enjoyed this book and learned so much useful information.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews